Episode 3--Church Hurt

• Church Hurt (Doesn’t have to lead to Church Hopping)  

 

Hello, Civilla Morgan here! Welcome to episode 03 of the Not Just Another Religion and Politics Podcast! Thank you for tuning in! So here’s the deal: 

I want this podcast to speak to people, not yell at people. Whether you are a Believer or not, a Christian or not, I want this podcast to be so plain in its language, that even if you have never stepped foot in a church, you will get this. You will get who Jesus is, and you will get what relationship with Him could be like, despite what people--Christians and non-Christians, try to do to get you to turn your back. Come along with me. I promise it will be a really cool experience!  

 

Let’s begin!

I did several searches for the definition of church hurt. Not because I do not know what it is, but because I like to provide proof for what I speak of and discuss. However, of all of the searching I did, I could not get Google to give me a definition. It kept giving me articles, YouTube videos, and blogs, on the issue of church hurt.

So since I could not get an actual definition, I decided to tell you what church hurt is from first-hand knowledge. You see, if you have attended church for any amount of time, chances are you have suffered church hurt. Whether it was something the pastor said from the pulpit that was not Biblical or not said in love, and that managed to pierce your heart leaving the commentary rolling around in your head for days, weeks, or months. 

Maybe it was the way a church leader spoke to you or something they said to you that was not said in love, or maybe it was something someone said about you that was untrue so that they could get a visible position in the church. Or how about this one, someone who has been in the church for decades But treats people with rampant disrespect.  

Look, the list goes on. There are a million and one ways to be the victim of church hurt. Who knows, you may have even hurt someone in church and they just never said anything. We are all humans. And as we all know, humans are flawed. This is why there is no perfect church. Because the church is composed of imperfect people.

Does the fact that the church is composed of imperfect humans make it OK for people to go around hurting each other? No. 

Here’s the thing: most people go to church because they want a change in their lives. They want to see positive changes in their families.  And those are all wonderful reasons to go to church. Some people even want a closer relationship with Jesus, with God, which is ultimately what we should all be striving for. 

On the other hand, some people will say we do not have to go to church to have a relationship with God. And many times these decisions are made because they have been church hurt. But if we want to live in the way the Bible instructs us, well Hebrews 10:24-25 says ‘And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.’  

Despite the possibility of church hurt, which if you think about it Jesus was quite familiar with, this scripture is saying we should still gather together.  Paul, the author of the book of Hebrews was also well aware of church hurt. He was doing the hurting! If Jesus and Paul were church hurt and church hurting yet they still felt gathering together was important, well, do not allow church hurt to dictate to you the thought process that you do not have to go to church to be a Believer. 

I am by no means saying you will go to Hell if you do not go to church. I am saying that gathering together is important because it is a strengthener.  You’ve heard the term ‘strength in numbers’. We are, after all, beings who were made for relationships. Yes, many of us can spend hours, even days in our own company. But it is still good and healthy to have positive human interaction.    

At any rate, people go to and join their local church for many reasons. They go to: interact with like-minded people, to fulfill some type of civic duty, to find a spouse, to obtain a position in their local church which might lead to a secular position in their community, the list of reasons goes on. 

Speaking of a secular position in their community, some churches are run like secular corporations. And of course, there is nothing wrong with a church that is run like a corporation. We serve a God of order. But some churches can be run so secular that people can become cutthroat to get the coveted position they seek. The leadership will not notice or take seriously what is going on right under their noses because they do not see anything wrong with being cutthroat, or they do not hear from God about whom to put where. 

But lest I digress, because in a future episode we will be talking about how God deals with leaders, let’s move on from here.       

Here are three ways to protect yourself from or in church hurt, or a repeat of church hurt in the future: 

1. Go to church for God, not for man. When you make your relationship with God your focus for going to church, everything else, even the good things like friendships and position, will become secondary. They should be anyway. I don’t mean to be harsh, but the relationship with Jesus, with God, is the most important relationship. Period. Once you have that fixed in your mind, when the hurt shows up, it may sting, you’re only human after all. But putting God first puts everything else and everyone else, in perspective. 
2. Expect to be hurt. Remember, humans, are flawed. We will never be able to always say the right thing the right way at the right time. We will always have the opportunity to stick our feet in our mouths. And unfortunately, that happens quite a bit. 
3.  Remember, when people come to church, they are bringing baggage with them. Their bad decisions and bad attitudes do not suddenly go away. Those things should melt away with time if they are serious about having a relationship with Jesus.  But remember, we have to want this change of heart and mind to happen. 

          This is why you may see people who have been in church for many decades, but they are still petty, gossipy, backstabbing, etc. They have not changed since the day they started attending the church. They have heard all of the sermons, but they do not see how the sermons would have anything to do with them.    

What can we do to protect our hearts during church hurt? Well, as I said earlier, go to church because you love Jesus and you want to grow in relationship with Him. Knowing that every human is flawed, expect to be hurt at some point, and pray for people. 

I grew up in the church. In fact, I am a PK--a preacher’s kid. Needless to say, I have been hurt multiple times over my years in church...that I know of. And I can honestly say, I never considered leaving the church because I was hurt. You might say that maybe I wasn’t hurt badly enough. Well, you would be quite mistaken. Some of the things that were said to me and done to me I remember like it was yesterday. But they do not hurt like it was yesterday. Some things took me a very long time to get over. Very long. But I meant I would make my way through. 

I remember in one instance that I had to force myself to pray for someone, and to forgive them, otherwise I ran the risk of holding their words against them for the rest of my life, and theirs. 

As Christians, we cannot afford to do that. I am not saying to pretend these things did not happen to you, that you weren’t told some really hurtful and filthy things, but I promise you, if you make God your reason for going to and staying in the church, even when the hurt comes, it will not stay. It cannot because the church folk are secondary. I don’t mean that other humans are less than. I mean that putting God first puts everything else and everyone else, in perspective. And let me tell you, there is nothing like perspective. 

If you can keep perspective close to your heart, like you do wisdom and discernment, you will be far ahead of the curve of managing human interaction. Let me repeat that. 

Remember, we cannot control others' thoughts and actions. We can only control ours. And do not be afraid, we will not always properly manage ours. But if you consider everything I have said here, you will be far ahead and on your way to putting God first and understanding that people are generally doing the best they can, but they are living life through their own lenses of hurt, life experiences, and self-protection.  

When we keep this in mind, we will know how to remain open to being positive, filled with hope for our fellow churchgoers, and the wisdom to know how to deal with and pray for people--for church folk. 

And once we have all of this knowledge in our hearts and minds, we will not hop from one church to the next, but we will as the saying goes, ‘bloom where we are planted.’ So what is church hopping? Well, it can take on many forms and many reasons. People will say they are leaving their church because of something someone said or did to them.  But the thing is, they leave really often. They do not tend to stay at one church for very long. Hopping from one church to the next does no good for you or for the churches you keep hopping to or from. 

This is why it is so important that you are going to the right church, to begin with. We must ask God to lead us to the right church. Going to a church because it is the largest one in town and it may afford you a title, is not the right reason. Some people prefer large churches believing they can hide out for a while and they won’t be required to help. 

Some people prefer smaller churches because they want to work closely with the pastor. There’s nothing wrong with working closely with the pastor whether it is a large church or a small one. It all comes down to what is in your heart. 

The heart. It’s always the bottom line. Check your heart. There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a position in the church. But check your heart.  There is not even anything wrong with going to another church. But check your heart. Always check your heart.

 The bottom line is this: put God first, and when you are hurt, pray for those who hurt you. Remember, people are bringing all their baggage to church. And because not everyone gets delivered from their mess right away, they can hang onto that mess for quite some time. 

I’ve heard the church described as a hospital. Healthy people do not go to hospitals. The unhealthy go to the hospital to get healthy. In the meantime, the unhealthy will bring their lies, kleptomania, gossip, pettiness, passive-aggressiveness, sexual issues, roving eyes, and hands, you name it, it’s in the church. And the scary thing is it could be in the leaders or the laypeople. Sounds depressing huh? Well, God sees. And He is not pleased but He also will not allow our hurts, broken hearts, and brokenness to be our final chapter. 

Genesis 50:20 says ‘As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good…’ And Romans 8:28 says ‘And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.’

Believe it or not, you will make it through your season of church hurt and you will be all the wiser, stronger, and faithful to God for it.  When you take that perspective on things, you can probably decide not to church hop, but bloom where you are planted! 

Let me place an addendum here: If you are being abused in any way at your church, report that abuse. Many churches are now conducting background checks and vetting volunteers. But remember, no organization can vet for perfection. As human beings, we all need room to grow. So I am not equating church hurt with abuse.  

Well, thank you for tuning in. Let me know via social media or by email if you have feedback. I would love to hear from you! You may email me at [email protected]. Please give me 24to 48 hours to respond. And don’t forget to check the show notes for the sources used for this episode. 

 

Until next time! 

 

Don’t forget, I would love to hear from you on the question: 

Who is God?

 

Episode quotes:

‘A lot of times the hopping happens because of the hurt.’

Sources:

https://www.openbible.info/topics/gathering_together

 

Genesis 50:20

Romans 8:28

Matthew Henry’s Commentary