Episode 719 - Blumhouse's Fantasy Island (2020)

Hi everyone!

You know, when I first met Ryan, when he arrived at the One Movie Punch Secret Island Base, he told me one of his biggest fantasies was to review a film on One Movie Punch for Matinee Monday. So, without him knowing, I actually sold the island to Blumhouse Productions last year, with the stipulation that he would be allowed to review the movie. They looked at me like I was an idiot, but I think we’ll all see in a moment who got the better end of the deal. Especially when they found out I bought that island from J.J. Abrams after “Lost” ended. Was BLUMHOUSE’S FANTASY ISLAND everything Ryan hoped it would be? You’ll find out in a moment!

Don’t miss Ryan’s recent reviews for WHERE’D YOU GO, BERNADETTE? (Episode #684), JUDY (Episode #677), and THE GOOD LIAR (Episode #662). You’ll also find out more about Ryan when his promo runs before the review.

Subscribe to stay current with the latest releases.

Contribute at Patreon for exclusive content.

Connect with us over social media to continue the conversation.

Here we go!

/////

<< RYAN L TERRY PROMO >>

/////

Today’s movie is BLUMHOUSE’S FANTASY ISLAND(2020). The big screen adaptation of the classic TV show with a horror twist. FANTASY ISLAND stars “Pretty Little Liar”’s Lucy Hale, also starring Maggie Q, Michael Peña, Parisa Fitz-Henley, and Michael Rooker. Directed and co-written by Jeff Wadlow, also Jillian Jacobs and Christopher Roach.

The IMDb plot summary is, “The enigmatic Mr. Roarke makes the secret dreams of his lucky guests come true at a luxurious but remote tropical resort. But when the fantasies turn into nightmares, the guests have to solve the island's mystery in order to escape with their lives.”

When I saw the first trailer for BLUMHOUSE’S FANTASY ISLAND, I was totally sold! Taking the classic TV show and putting a horror spin on it? Yes please! From the first scene of a young lady running through the woods to the arrival of the guests, the movie displays some promise of a thrilling excursion. Knowing that the resort guests have been warned that each must see their respective fantasy to its natural conclusion makes for a sense of creepiness that I wish had been at the bedrock of the movie. There is a sort of “Twilight Zone” feeling in the setup of the movie that was clearly supposed to drive a subtext of various themes and social commentary. It even creates a fantastic atmosphere for the story that is about to unfold. But unfortunately, that overwhelming sense of ominous dread quickly gives way to on-the-nose, predictable tropes, and paint-by-the-numbers plotting.

While I wasn’t expecting FANTASY ISLANDto be on the levels of GET OUT or HALLOWEEN, I hardly thought that it would be what we got, which was on the level of TRUTH OR DARE, also written and directed by Wadlow. Blumhouse has a few hits, but quite a lot of flops. Consistency in quality is certainly lacking in the horror-centric production company. Often the movies that eventually flop start out with strong premises, and intriguing initial setup, but the second and third acts devolve into outrageously bad conflict, often ignoring any rules that were setup, and even simply logic. And the showdown is predictable and anti-climactic. Little room for subtext is left. I mean how can there be when everything is so on-the-nose. Of course, we all knew that the maxim “be careful what you wish for” would be the central theme in the movie, but I was hoping for a challenging original expression of that idea. Not the story we got, which was incredibly trite and derivative.

It doesn’t get any more PG-13 than this. This movie doesn’t even try to push the boundaries of a PG-13 rating. It sits comfortably in the middle, if not skewing towards PG. While there is some violence and mildly disturbing imagery, it is pretty tame as horror movies go. Very SyFy Channel original movie. Blumhouse’s interpretation of FANTASY ISLAND, as a horror movie, actually has many of the individual elements needed to craft a thrilling and even terrifying story. But it’s like all the writers did was have disconnected ideas and never thought of how to structure them in a way that scenes are connected by not only cause and effect, but by character reaction and emotion. A properly written scene has a beginning, middle, and end, in and of itself. And that scene sets up the beginning of the following scene. There is simply no meaning behind anything that happens in this movie.

Releasing a horror movie on Valentine’s Day isn’t anything new. 1933’s DRACULAand the Big 5 Oscar winner THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBSwere both released during Valentine’s season. And who could forget the quintessential Valentine’s horror movie 1981’s MY BLOODY VALENTINE. Unfortunately, this movie shares little in common with the storytelling of any of the aforementioned. Virtually everything after the setup is absurd and laughable.

Rotten Tomatoes: 9%

Metacritic: 20

One Movie Punch: 4.0/10

JOSEPH: “And let’s see what Ryan rated his trip to FANTASY ISLAND. Four out of ten? Yikes.”

Planes to BLUMHOUSE’S FANTASY ISLAND are now boarding at a theatre near you. But I am sure, not for long after a slew of one-star Yelp reviews.

JOSEPH: “Really glad I sold that island, now. Probably should have told them about the number sequences they needed to keep entering. Oh well. Too late now.”