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Why the Whole Alligator Alcatraz Thing Is Somehow Worse Than It Sounds

Opening Arguments

Release Date: 08/08/2025

That Time Sociopaths Tried to Inception a Fake 14th Amendment History into Legal Scholarship show art That Time Sociopaths Tried to Inception a Fake 14th Amendment History into Legal Scholarship

Opening Arguments

VR27 - This week on Vapid Response Wednesday we take a look at the liars, losers, frauds, and suckers angling for a federal bench who have worked up, developed,  and sold the “other side” of the Fourteenth Amendment’s simple guarantee of birthright citizenship, which failed so badly in front of the Supreme Court last week. What kinds of people are out there trying to say that “anyone born or naturalized in the United States” doesn’t mean exactly what it says? We review and discuss how a Fox News talkshow host, a deeply unserious law professor, and the lawyer most responsible...

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When You Fall Out of Bed and Land in the Supreme Court show art When You Fall Out of Bed and Land in the Supreme Court

Opening Arguments

OA1250 - A fall out of bed during a vacation in Delaware turned into a Supreme Court case, decided this term, that could have big implications for states’ rights to limit tort suits… in federal court. Did Delaware take a good-faith precautionary measure to reduce frivolous medical malpractice lawsuits? Or did they put up an unfair barrier to plaintiffs who deserve restitution? Perhaps reasonable people can disagree on that. But in the rare circumstance you manage to bring that state tort case into a federal courtroom, SCOTUS ruled 9-0 that it’s clear Delaware’s rule is a step too far....

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Trump's Birthright Citizenship Arguments Were Laughed Out of Court show art Trump's Birthright Citizenship Arguments Were Laughed Out of Court

Opening Arguments

... and they really never should have been laughed in to court in the first place. OA1249 - Solicitor General D. John Sauer got plenty of laughs when he brought his best April Fool’s Day game to the Supreme Court this week, and we’re here to break down the  single stupidest case the federal government has ever presented. Matt brings the receipts to show just how badly the Trump administration’s arguments against the plain text of the Constitution and the binding precedent of U.S. v. Wong Kim Ark (1898) went, and why he is willing to bet his house on the fact that even this SCOTUS...

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LAM1012: The Juror - Preview show art LAM1012: The Juror - Preview

Opening Arguments

This LAM was so much fun I wanted to make sure everyone could hear it! Well, at least a good chunk of it anyway. If you'd like to hear the rest, head to patreon and hit that $2 level or above! If you love the 90s, and peak Alec Baldwin, you will love this one. And Thomas did. As usual, Matt read the book. And Lydia can remember people's names. Everyone is bringing their best to this LAM!

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Subnautica Part 2 - It Does Not Go Well for Idiot Krafton CEO show art Subnautica Part 2 - It Does Not Go Well for Idiot Krafton CEO

Opening Arguments

Part 2: How Subnautica 2 got its CEO back Welcome back to the strange tale of video game publisher Krafton, the bonus they really didn’t want to pay to developer Unknown Worlds, and the contract dispute that delayed release of the much-anticipated game Subnautica 2. In part 1, we learned the back story behind the tense relationships, and the terms of the contract. Here in part 2, Jenessa walks us through the absolute bench-slap from a judge who has had it up to here with Krafton’s transparent attempts to breach the contract now and justify it later. Come for the drama, stay for the rules...

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Social Media Is a Defective Product show art Social Media Is a Defective Product

Opening Arguments

OA1247 - Should social media companies be held responsible for the addiction and other harms their features and algorithms have caused to users? A California jury thought so this week, and in this episode recorded within hours of this historic verdict--and the day after another similar win in New Mexico--we examine the legal basis for this suit and what this might mean for thousands of similar legal actions now pending against Meta, TikTok, YouTube, and others around the U.S. Matt also explains why Trump is sending ICE agents to US airports, and how a little-noticed new addition to an existing...

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Pete Hegseth's books are racist trash written in crayon. We've got some highlights for you. show art Pete Hegseth's books are racist trash written in crayon. We've got some highlights for you.

Opening Arguments

VR26 - Matt read not one but TWO of Pete Hegseth's "books." The awful xenophobic, genocidal crap contained therein might help explain the Iran War.

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Idiot CEO Used ChatGPT to Try to Screw Over Subnautica Creators show art Idiot CEO Used ChatGPT to Try to Screw Over Subnautica Creators

Opening Arguments

OA1246 - Part 1: “The AI was nicer about it” and other reasons I ignored my lawyer: the Subnautica 2 story ChatGPT cannot warp space-time to make you un-sign that contract. Unfortunately for video game publisher “Krafton”, the world’s-best-cheerleader will instead gently tell you that your intention to break an air-tight contract without illegally breaching it will be difficult, and then give you a plan to try anyway. Team of lawyers screaming “please god stop” be damned. The plan worked great, right up until it hit a judge. Developer “Unknown Worlds”, creator of the hit game...

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DOJ Just Convicted Several People of Imaginary Antifa Terrorism show art DOJ Just Convicted Several People of Imaginary Antifa Terrorism

Opening Arguments

OA1245 - Federal prosecutors have just secured the first convictions in US history in which the Department of Justice has brought charges relating to associations with “Antifa,” an organization which demonstrably does not exist. We take a closer look at the plight of the eight defendants convicted on charges relating to a noise protest outside of an ICE detention center in Prarieland, Texas to break down the unusual legal basis for this case, understand how protesters were cast as terrorists, and what this all means for the future of American dissent. Then in better news, we take a closer...

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US v Dunn 2 - US v Dunn 2 - "If You Spit, We Hit"

Opening Arguments

Hey folks, no video this week so instead I wanted to give you another episode of our new trial over on , US v. Dunn! This is episode 2 (we have released 4 on the feed, check it out!) Matt takes us through the pretrial motions. It's an interesting episode even as a standalone law breakdown, so check it out!

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More Episodes

OA1180 - We begin with some much-needed reminders that good things are still happening and the rule of law is still (mostly) holding on before turning to a recent Trump executive order on homelessness which reads like something out of a (not very good) Batman movie. Jenessa explains how this development fits into the history of long-term institutionalization of vulnerable and unhoused people in the US as we work through what this thing is actually trying to do. In an unfortunately not-at-all-unrelated story, Matt then breaks down the situation with Florida’s “Alligator Alcatraz” (aka “Gator Gitmo”), the pending challenges to this completely new (and totally illegal) approach to state-based immigration detention, and where this is all going.

Finally, in today’s footnote: has ChatGPT finally made its first hallucinatory appearance in a judicial opinion? We investigate not just one but two recent instances of federal judges who have now joined the many lawyers caught using AI to do their homework.

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