Episode 25: Narcissism and Borderline: Breaking Down the Difference Between Traits and Personality Disorders

Episode 25 of the Broken Podcast is about the danger of labeling people. Ever since Donald Trump was elected, it feels like we can't go a day without hearing the word "narcissist" on the nightly news. The label "narcissist" is everywhere and is being used to label men, especially in the midst of difficult divorces and nasty breakups. Gaslighting, love bombing, grey rocking, and stone walling are concepts we hear about often now. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a real thing, and there are people who suffer from the disorder who utilize manipulation and abuse. But not everyone who behaves selfishly is a "narcissist". There is a difference between narcissist traits and having an actual personality disorder.

On the other side, women are being accused of being "borderline" in the same way. If a woman breaks up with someone, or files for divorce, she's often labeled by her ex as "crazy", "bipolar", "psycho", "stalker" or "borderline".

Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder are real, actual mental health diagnoses. When unqualified jilted lovers accuse people of having these disorders, and labeling people with these words, it only furthers stigma and shame, and leads to people who actually meet diagnostic criteria for these disorders often not getting the help and support they need. 

 

This episode begins with the co-hosts thanking listeners for their support and announcing that the podcast will soon be undergoing a relaunch and opportunities to support the podcast financially. 

 

Hannah and Alexa introduce this week’s topic, narcissism. 

 

Hannah discusses narcissism and differentiates between narcissistic traits and the mental health diagnosis, Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

 

Alexa clarifies that not everyone who has traits of narcissism qualify for a diagnosis. She shares observations about the current prevalence of narcissism. 

 

Hannah provides information about and the history of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders (DSM 5). She describes how mental health providers diagnose conditions and discusses the difference between personality disorders and mood disorders. The stigma and shame of personality disorders is explored. 

 

The two discuss Narcissistic Personality Disorder and educate listeners about the specific criteria, how criteria are measured and assessed, and the method used for diagnosing the disorder. Frustrations with the process for diagnosis and the subjective nature of diagnosis are explored. 

 

Listeners are educated about the impact of the disorder and the problems frequently experienced by those who struggle with this disorder. Examples of narcissist behavior are discussed. 

 

Alexa and Hannah discuss empathy and highlight concerns about the decline of empathy in recent times in our society. They share concerns about how kids don’t learn much about empathy today and discuss the importance of teaching empathy. The impact of social media on empathy development is also discussed. Hannah points out that many people now base their self-worth on reactions from others on social media. 

 

Hannah shares about her own experience with divorce and how she discovered a prevalence of available resources related to narcissist abuse. She describes the process people go through in ending relationships, labeling exes as “bad”. She explains why it’s important for people going through breakups and divorces to look at the big picture and to see people and situations in shades of gray rather than labeling people as all good or all bad. 

 

Listeners are educated about behaviors that are commonly associated with narcissists. Gaslighting and love bombing are discussed. Examples are providers. 

 

Narcissist abuse is discussed. Strategies like grey rocking and no contact are explored. 

 

Hannah describes the spectrum of narcissism and describes malignant narcissism. She talks about the danger of labeling people with narcissism. She discusses her concern that many ex boyfriends and ex husbands and men who have acted inappropriately are labeled as narcissists. 

 

Alexa and Hannah discuss how this labeling happens for women too. Hannah describes the trend of men labeling women as borderline. She discusses the common occurrence of men who experience frustrating experiences with women to label them as crazy, psycho, unstable, and/or borderline. 

 

Alexa shares information about Borderline Personality Disorder. She describes the disorder and talks about the criteria for diagnosis. Treatment for the disorder is discussed. 

 

Hannah and Alexa wrap up the episode by sharing tips for all listeners:

 

1. Avoid labeling people with words like narcissist, borderline, bipolar, crazy, psycho, and abusive. Words can be dangerous. 
2. Be aware that these labels often carry stigma and shame. Know that just because someone exhibits some symptoms of a disorder does not mean the person can necessarily be diagnosed with a disorder. 
3. If you have experienced a negative experience with someone who has symptoms of a personality disorder, hesitate before labeling yourself as a victim and identifying with that label. 
4. If you are diagnosed with a mental health disorder, avoid labeling yourself with the disorder. Try saying, “I have struggled with symptoms of depression” instead of “I am depressed”. 
5. When you are triggered by something that happens or by something someone does, pause and breathe and ground yourself so that you can respond mindfully rather than automatically reacting. 
6. If you have a history of relationships with people who struggle with personality disorders, examine patterns of your past relationships to examine red flags and where you might be getting hooked. 
7. Come to therapy to learn more about all of this and to discover new ways of being in relationships to avoid becoming a victim of narcissist abuse. 

 

Hannah and Alexa practice at Omaha Psychotherapy:

[phone]

omahapsychotherapy.com