When the Betraying Partner is in Recovery Limbo with Debbie McRae
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
Release Date: 03/27/2025
Help! I Miss My Betraying Partner
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
Dr. Skip Speer and Tami answer participant questions about missing a partner who has betrayed you, strategies for opening up in honest and helpful ways, timelines for dedicating time to recovery resources, and appropriate dialogue to have with family and friends during recovery. TAKEAWAYS: [1:04] What is my role in holding the pain of my betraying partner? [6:50] Seeking Integrity resources that are available to navigate unhealthy relationships. [7:58] What treatment options are available to a narcissistic sex addict betrayer? [13:24] How and when should we...
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Stop Doomscrolling and Start Hopescrolling
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
Dr. Skip Speer and Tami talk about doomscrolling and hopescrolling, the features of each, and how to tailor your algorithm to lift you up at every stage of recovery. They then answer participant questions about sex addiction, including narcissism, gaslighting, and therapist obligations as mandatory reporters. TAKEAWAYS: [1:49] Doomscrolling versus hopescrolling – how to engage in what serves you. [7:01] Using your phone to numb out? Try this instead. [8:50] What is the difference between a CSAT and a regular therapist? [13:25] Do we really need a couples...
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Is Therapeutic Separation Right For My Relationship?
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, therapist Debbie McRae discusses therapeutic separation as an effective intervention for couples struggling with the impact of betrayal and addiction. She highlights the structure of therapeutic separation as a compassionate approach to help both individuals regain safety, clarity and hope in the relationship. She and Tami then answer participant questions about therapeutic separation, when it’s the right next move, and what to do when it didn’t resolve your relationship issues. TAKEAWAYS: [:55] The possibilities with therapeutic or healing...
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Understanding Disenfranchised Grief and Betrayal Trauma
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
Dr. Jessica Lamar, Licensed Mental Health Therapist, explores unseen wounds and understanding disenfranchised grief and betrayal trauma. What is disenfranchised grief, and why does it matter? Dr. Lamar overs betrayal trauma, emotional and psychological impact, healing, and support strategies. She and Tami then answer participant questions about grief and boundaries, conversations and resources that are available to help navigate grief. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Intro. [2:58] Defining ambiguous loss – am I even in grief? [4:40] Disenfranchised grief is a loss that is not openly...
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Why Men Struggle to Show Empathy
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Eddie Capparucci addresses the struggle of many men to show empathy, especially those who have dealt with childhood trauma and emotional neglect. He warns of the dangers of labels and offers insights into the biological and neurological factors that affect empathy. Then he and Tami answer participant questions about empathy in relationships, with strangers, and in and out of the home. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] The link between problematic sexual behaviors and a lack of empathy. [3:00] Empathy is learned in childhood. [7:18] When men don’t know how to deal...
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5 Practices to Build Resiliency and Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Scott Brassart discusses resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for both addicts and betrayed partners. He and Tami then answer participant questions about handling triggers, understanding big emotions, and addressing supercharged manifestations of shame. TAKEAWAYS: [1:10] Resilience and healthy coping mechanisms for everyone. [3:16] 5 practices to build resilience, from happiness to obstacle immunity and staying present. [11:20] Tools that can help with building resilience. [15:30] The 3-second rule for sex addicts. [19:30] The key difference...
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How Long Does Recovery Really Take?
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dr. Rob and Tami answer listener questions about cheating, betrayal, sex and more. They address recovery, disclosure, and setting healthy boundaries throughout the recovery process, and offer a realistic timeline for partners to move from betrayal to intimacy and healing. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] My wife is using my body for sex. Is this just a libido mismatch? [9:30] Setting boundaries after hearing sex threats. [12:09] My partner and I are doing everything right. When will the next chapter start? [18:15] A little about Dr. Rob’s books and his editor Scott....
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Building Thriving Connection Post Betrayal
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
On this Seeking Integrity webinar, Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith, and Joanna Raabsmith present "Building True Intimacy: A Roadmap to Relational Restoration After Sexual Betrayal." Together they consider how couples can effectively and efficiently move from betrayal and discovery to healing and connection, based on their book . They then answer participant questions about recovery, disclosure, and lasting healing. TAKEAWAYS: [:30] Introducing Dan Drake, Matthew Raabsmith and Joanna Raabsmith. [3:23] How do couples heal after betrayal and disclosure? [5:30] Five key components to...
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Navigating Carried Shame
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
Licensed marriage and family therapist Kristin Snowden discusses carried shame and the danger of absorbing a betraying partner’s shame-filled life. She offers hope and tools for resiliency so that a betrayed partner can move through their own healing and get their lives and self-worth back again. She and Tami then answer participant questions about shame, addiction, and healing. TAKEAWAYS: [1:30] Understanding the terms associated with trauma healing, addiction recovery, and carried shame. [4:37] The importance of knowing your own shame stories. [5:20] Defining...
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Betrayal Induced Existential Crisis
Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction
Angela Spearman, CSAT describes “globalized mistrust” as the tsunami of impact on betrayed partners after discovery. But what are the core thoughts and fears underlying and maintaining that tsunami once it gets going? Together with Tami she addresses strategies for dealing with uncertainty, then answers participant questions about betrayal, boundaries, and triggers and more. TAKEAWAYS: [2:09] The catalyst for the existential experience and global mistrust. [5:20] Common questions from the betrayed partner (and what they really mean). [7:27] Reshaping...
info_outlineTherapist Debbie McRae discusses options for the betrayed partner when the betraying partner is stalling or not fully in recovery. She offers tactics for partners who are stuck in the cycle of fear and uncertainty and are ready to regain control in healthy ways while seeking safety after betrayal.
TAKEAWAYS:
[1:05] Common recovery limbo scenarios and what each one means.
[4:33] Recovery limbo happens when the betraying partner won’t take responsibility for their behavior.
[7:25] Seven signs that your addict partner is struggling with recovery.
[9:23] Six strategies for regaining healthy control after betrayal.
[13:14] Setting boundaries for effectively reestablishing safety.
[21:06] The importance of a healthy support group and self-care in recovery.
[25:26] Betrayed partners need therapy too.
[29:21] What to do after you’ve tried unhealthy safety seeking.
[31:42] The thought of physical intimacy gives me the ick feeling. How can I begin to heal?
[37:13] Connecting with your spouse about physical intimacy outside the bedroom.
[39:04] At what in point in recovery is couples counseling recommended?
[45:05] The value of releasing information in couples therapy.
[46:11] My CSAT wants to bring my betraying partner into our session. Is that odd?
[50:45] My partner is an avoidant porn addict, is psychoanalysis recommended?
RESOURCES:
Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss
Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss
Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.
QUOTES
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“True recovery requires that the addict partner have that intrinsic motivation to heal their addiction.”
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“You have to be, as a betrayed partner, really open and honest and authentic about your boundaries.”
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“The goal of a boundary consequence is not punishment, it’s creating safety.”
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“Don’t just identify as a betrayed partner. You have to hold onto you as well.”