318. The neuroscience of control: Helping kids cope with stress and become self-driven with Dr. William Stixrud
Release Date: 06/24/2025
333. Q&A: What should I do if my child hears the N-word in a song?
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Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... Whether or not to address a racial slur your child heard in a song when you're not sure whether or not they picked up on it, and fear you may call attention to it unnecessarily. How to explain the difference between swearing and slurs, and the importance of giving kids context and language around both. Dr. Rebecca shares stories of how similar topics have come up in her own family and how she handled them with her kids. Why just saying "don't...
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332. The grandparent transition: Managing emotions, roles and boundaries with Carol Merle-Fishman
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Becoming a grandparent is a major shift and yet, it’s rarely talked about in a way that honors the complexity of this role. In this episode, I’m joined by Carol Merle-Fishman to explore the emotional, psychological, and relational shifts that occur when someone becomes a grandparent and how this transition can impact the entire family system. Together we unpack: Why grandparenthood is actually a developmental stage of its own. How expectations, unspoken grief, and shifting identities can create tension or disconnection in relationships. Ways adult children can support...
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331. Q&A: My sensitive kid got the "strict" teacher and I'm worried they won't vibe. Is there anything I can do as a parent to help?
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Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... What to do if your child is assigned a teacher whose style may not seem like the best match. How to advocate for your child in a way that supports collaboration and avoids conflict. Why starting the school year with a proactive email to the teacher can set the tone for a strong partnership. The surprising benefits a strict or “old school” teacher might actually offer sensitive kids. How to prepare your child to advocate for themselves,...
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330. When your child says ‘I hate myself’: Helping sensitive kids build self-esteem and get out of a cycle of self-criticism with Dr. Blaise Aguirre
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Psychiatrist, author, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) expert Dr. Blaise Aguirre joins me to talk about how we can help kids—especially emotionally sensitive ones—understand, process, and reframe internalized messages of self-criticism and even self-hatred. Together we explore: Why even well-loved and supported kids can develop a sense of being “unlovable” How emotional sensitivity can make children more vulnerable to misattunement, comparisons, and internalized shame The difference between skills-based therapy (like DBT) and addressing the deeper emotional...
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329. Q&A: Is my child anxious or just sensitive? Or could it be both?
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Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg and I talk about... Regardless of whether your child is experiencing sensory sensitivities or anxiety, our goal is the same - helping you define exactly what that goal is. Where do anxiety and sensory sensitivities overlap? (Spoiler: A lot of this boils down to nervous system regulation.) How you can help your child understand what their unique triggers are and the tools and strategies that can help them navigate these without so much distress. What to consider to help you if it’s...
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328. The neuroscience of raising emotionally resilient kids: Supporting your child’s emotional growth and regulation with Dr. Kristen Lindquist
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Neuroscientist and psychologist Dr. Kristen Lindquist joins me for a fascinating conversation about how children develop emotional regulation — and how we as parents can support that growth not just through what we say, but how and when we say it. Together we explore: Why the ability to feel and name emotions is something children build slowly over time — and what role parents play in that process. What neuroscience reveals about how the brain develops emotional literacy from infancy through adolescence (and even into adulthood!) How emotion regulation is like a...
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327. Q&A: What’s the best way to explain and prepare my toddler for my upcoming surgery without scaring them?
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Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Emily Upshur and I talk about... How to prepare a toddler for a parent’s surgery or temporary physical limitations in a way that is honest, concrete, and not scary. Creative, developmentally appropriate ways to help your child understand and process upcoming changes to routines—like playtime, bedtime, or physical closeness. The power of play, role-playing with toys, and using analogies to help kids grasp abstract concepts. What to expect behaviorally from your child during your recovery and...
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326. When your partner feels like a roommate: Why couples can feel disconnected after kids and what to do to reconnect with Chelsea Skaggs
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Chelsea Skaggs is here to talk about how couples can keep your romantic relationship strong as you move beyond from early stages of survival mode deeper into parenthood. Together we explore: How the demands of parenting shift as your children grow, and what that means for your romantic connection. Tips for getting your partner on board if only one of you feels ready to work on deepening your connection. Simple and practical strategies for attuning to your partner and "reading" the room for your best chance of success feeling a deepened connection. Navigating mismatched energy...
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325. Q&A: What should I do if my partner and I disagree on how to handle our child’s ADHD?
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Beyond the Sessions is answering YOUR parenting questions! In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Hershberg, Dr. Emily Upshur, and I talk about... What you can do if you’re wondering: “Is my kid’s ADHD diagnosis real or do I have an active 10-year-old kid?” How to evaluate the accuracy of a diagnosis and what steps to take if you’re unsure or want a second opinion. Practical tools you can use to support your child—diagnosis or not. Strategies for becoming more aligned with your partner on how to handle parenting challenges and support your child's needs. What is a...
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324. Peaceful Parenting strategies for navigating tantrums, big feelings, screen time and more with Dr. Laura Markham
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Clinical psychologist and author of the bestselling Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, Dr. Laura Markham joins me for a rich conversation about what peaceful parenting really means — and how it can help you set firm, loving limits while staying deeply connected to your child. Together we explore: Why connection, not control, is the true foundation of cooperation and emotional resilience. What setting limits with empathy looks like in real life (and why it’s not the same as being permissive). The surprising way laughter can help your child...
info_outlineClinical neuropsychologist and co-author of The Self-Driven Child, Dr. William Stixrud joins me for a powerful conversation about how we can raise confident, resilient kids by helping them feel a greater sense of control, without giving up our role as parents.
Together we explore:
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Why a low sense of control is one of the most stressful experiences a child (or adult) can have, and how we can support our kids in feeling more agentful in their lives.
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How secure attachment and autonomy are deeply connected—and why attachment must come first.
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What SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) is and how parents can use techniques from this modality whether your child has anxiety or not.
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Why Dr. Stixrud started saying “I love you too much to fight with you about homework” and how you can use this too to defuse power struggles and build internal motivation.
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Tips for how parents can more successfully respond to children's behaviors that they can’t control, like tantrums, hitting, or screaming.
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Why stepping in too often can interrupt neurological processes that help kids learn, adapt, and build resilience.
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How to support self-driven learning, encourage safe risk-taking, and build a foundation of mutual respect in your family.
If you're looking to reduce conflict and build more trust in your parent-child relationship, this conversation is filled with evidence-based insight and practical tools you won't want to miss!
LEARN MORE ABOUT MY GUEST:
ADDITIONAL REFERENCES AND RESOURCES:
📚 The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives
📚 What Do You Say?: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home
📚 The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook
🎧 The Self-Driven Child Podcast
👉🏻 Learned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neuroscience
CHECK OUT ADDITIONAL PODCAST EPISODES YOU MAY LIKE:
🎧 146. The hidden dangers of an achievement centric approach with Jennifer Breheny Wallace