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Day 86 - "Inconvenient Death"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Release Date: 06/10/2020

Day 98 - Day 98 - "The End?"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Transcript: Day 98 The End? Sunday and the Alarma is over, Lockdown is unlocked, 99 days, it started on Saturday March 14th, but actually I consider that weekend to be the two phoney days of Lockdown.   Saturday 14th March was a pretty normal day, the supermarket rammed with people taking everything off the shelves, including the toilet paper, something that the Spanish do not a use a lot of, most prefer to wash in the bidet than smear on the pan, as it were.   Sunday was equally as busy as people rushed around to be in the right place before the strict measures and fines started on...

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Day 97 - Day 97 - "Of mousy women and men"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Full transcript: Day 97 Of mousy women and men Saturday the weather is calm, the sun is shining, I have been doing some extreme weeding on the mountainside and managed to not fall down, the one time I did I thought it was best to relax and just let my body slide to a bit where I could cling on.  Our garden in Essex did not have the same extreme challenges, unless you count the incredible numbers of snails that ate their way through most of our English garden.   I have been spending some time reflecting, yesterday about the reasons why we came to Spain, today a reflection of things...

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Day 96 - Day 96 - "Tim Tams"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Full transcript: Day 96 Tim Tams   Friday and the I made a terrible mistake today, I try very hard now to avoid the TV news from the UK, we have enough to occupy ourselves here with events in Spain.   I caught a picture of Headmaster Boris holding a packet of Tim Tams up, from what I understand following a new trade deal with Australia you will get tuppence off this less than delicious biscuit from Australia and the trade deal will end up adding only a gnats thingy to the UK GDP.   Worse I then wandered into the news that the New Zealand trade deal could well have a negative...

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Day 95 - Day 95 - "Bonfire Night"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Transcript: Day 95 Bonfire night   Thursday and now just a few days before everything un locks, the end of the Alarma and the new normal will start on Monday, many Spanish can go back to work and get the working week off to.. er, well er, a two day start, because next Wednesday “we are having a Fiesta”   The Fiesta of San Juan to be precise, the beginning of summer and those long summer holidays, after all we have all been working so hard these last few weeks … erm!   San Juan is when hordes of Spanish all head to the beach for a party, it will last all night and bonfires...

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Day 94 - Day 94 - "Assassination"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Transcript: Day 94 Assassination  Wednesday and the excitement cannot be contained, I am going shopping with Chris, well to be honest he doesn’t want me in the first shop, - Mercadona, he tells me he has a routine now and that doesn’t include me putting unsuitable items in the shopping trolley.   Never mind I am going to the Post Office instead, to pick up a parcel, the Post Office is only open between 8.30am and 2.30pm, the local office is tiny and usually packed, as many Spanish still come and pay their bills and do very complicated administrative things.   I arrived to...

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Day 93 - Day 93 - "Anyone for Tennis"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Transcript uncorrected: Day 93 Anyone for tennis?   Tuesday and we are battening down the hatches, the wind is returning again with a vengeance, so far, the summer here has not really happened. Today it is overcast and sticky humid.   Our Gym has opened, and we went last night, OK so it is not the normal evening busy, but there were people and Chris’ class was about half the normal number.  What was encouraging was the queue to join the Gym, at one point ten people deep, well social distanced.   There were a lot of arrows and nowhere to sit, most of the members were...

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Day 92 Day 92 "Dance Off"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Transcript (uncorrected) Day 92 Dance off   Monday has come, I usually dread Monday as it always brings administration stuff which I really don’t care for.   By the way if you want to catch all 92 episodes with transcripts of Spanish Practices head over to THE secret spain dot com.   Today the administration was our Spanish Tax return, I say our, as we are married it has been done jointly, I get the classification of Woman, the form does not seem to have a code for Partner.    The Spanish Tax year runs from January to December, unlike the UK tax year that runs April...

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Day 91 Day 91 "Playboy Kings"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Transcript (uncorrected) Day 91   Sunday and Uncle Pedro has been doing his weekly Zoom meeting, he likes to surprise the regional Governments, just to remind them all he is the one in charge.   So he has brought forward the date when Spain will open its borders to everyone except Portugal, so on Monday 22nd June the Lockdown will be over, for now and so will this Podcast, I still have the story to tell about one of the stupidest things I did some years ago. I will keep that for later in the week.   But you can’t have a Podcast about Spain without mentioning the Spanish Royal...

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Day 90 - Day 90 - "Holidays from Hell"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Transcript here: Day 90 holiday from hell Saturday your Sunday and the Spanish Government has started to talk about how they envisage foreign visitors coming to the country, the first lot will turn up on Monday, they are Germans coming to the Balearic Islands.   Interestingly about 35,000 people travelled to Spain in May, whilst not holidaymakers, they were mainly people returning back to Spain for work or back to their residency.   From all those who travelled, 104 people were detected to have Corona Virus.   But in a couple of weeks the onslaught will begin, instead of...

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Day 89 - Day 89 - "Fag End"

Spanish Practices - Real Life, Real Spain

Full Transcript: Day 89 Fag End Friday and we are off to the Administrator to sell our old car to Carmen, what could possibly go wrong, find out later in this episode.   If you want to catch up on previous episodes and full transcripts, go to the   Today I have been thinking about Satan’s smoke. A great many people in Spain seem to smoke, I remember we had to pick up a parcel from a UPS pick up point that turned out to be a rather sad looking Travel Agents, I guess even sadder now we are in the Covid19 world.   It was a pain to get to, Chris had to negotiate the one-way...

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More Episodes

Today a story of a TV set and an inconvenient death, and speaking of inconvenience, how dare you ask to transfer money at a Spanish bank without an appointment.

find out more at https://www.thesecretspain.com

Day 86 Inconvenient Death uncorrected transcript

 

Tuesday and the wind has dropped for the moment so we spent a jolly hour or so cleaning up the mess.  We have learned to take a completely different approach to cleaning here.

 

In the UK washing down, spraying paths with the garden hose and brushing with a broom was our normal procedure for a tidy up.  Here it starts with a broom and dustpan and brush, the secret is to keep everything as dry as possible.  Most of the dirt here is like sand, fine and if you wash a terrace down it turns into a brown slurry, the best thing is to remove as much as possible.

 

After a broom and dustpan, we have a vacuum cleaner that is now used for outside, it is a fairly knackered Dyson held together by Sellotape, but it does a good job of sucking up the remaining dust from outside.

 

Only then do we go in with a mop and bucket, or a Karcher. It can be a miserable job to do as the wind might return tomorrow and blow more mess around.  I am convinced it is why the Spanish have a fondness for the colour Brown, it hides all that dust, oh and the terracotta Andalucian tiles never show the mess either.

 

Tuesday and we very sadly hear of a death in our old village, a 52 year old man who had been dead for some ten days, it was his sister who discovered him according to the Seaside Gazette.

 

A few years ago when we were in the village there was a similar sad occurrence.  The husband of a couple who had bought one of the flats in the complex where we were living had decided to come out and buy a new TV set for the apartment.

 

It would seem he and his wife were not getting on particularly well, so it was also a little break from each other.  Our friends Jen and Dave met him in the street a few times, he seemed nice enough if a little distant.

 

The couple had the flat in the same block as Jen and Dave in fact the apartment was above theirs.

 

For some reason, I can’t remember why, I had to go and visit Jen, to collect a key or something. As I arrived at their block, I couldn’t help noticing the drains were smelling particularly bad that day.

 

 I mentioned it to Dave, he said “I wonder where it is coming from?” We noticed the window open in the flat above theirs, and it seemed to be coming from there.

 

Dave said to me “I haven’t seen that bloke for a few days?” I said “You told me he seemed to be a bit down.”

 

“I know I will get the ladder and climb up and have a look, we tried knocking this morning and nobody answered.”

 

Later that afternoon he told me he climbed up to the window.  “The smell was terrible, he said and he peered into to see a swarm of flies around something purple, then he realised it was a human arm, nearly falling off the building he called the ambulance and police.

 

They arrived and broke the door down to discover the poor man had slashed his wrists, covered the whole flat in blood and died.  Dave said he seemed to have deliberately sprayed the walls up and down with his blood.

 

Some other locals had seen him staggering around drunk a couple of days before.  The Pharmacy said that he had come in and shown them a UK prescription for Valium which they agreed to dispense for him.  Later the pathology report showed that he had taken the lot.

 

The Police called his wife, “Oh my God she said, did he get any blood on the new TV?”  The policeman said “No”. “Thank god for that,” she said.

They asked her if she would fly over to identify the body.  She told them “Fly over now, do you know how much short notice flights, cost, I will let you know when I can find a cheaper flight.”

 

In the end it was over a week before his wife found a flight cheap enough to take and come and identify his body. Jen and Dave in the meantime asked her what she wanted to do with the flat, she asked them to clean it up as she would be staying there when she came over.

 

Dave explained that there was a great deal of blood up the walls and on the floor the forensic team had left quite a mess, so he didn’t think they could do it but suggested that he contact a professional cleaning company. 

 

He called a company that came in after scene of crimes to clear up and they quoted three thousand Euros to remove all the blood and evidence that someone had died in the flat.

 

The wife flatly refused to pay that amount, so Dave managed to negotiate a deal for two thousand Euro, which she reluctantly agreed to pay.  So, what a sad and tragic end to a life and an astonishing reaction from his wife to boot.

 

 To be fair none of us no the back story of this guy, but I would hope that my nearest and dearest would care about me more than a new TV set.

 

Carmen is buying our car; she went to the bank to transfer the money.  “It is not possible,” what do you mean it is not possible, she said, you’re a bank, that’s what you do.  “only by appointment,” since when she asked, “since yesterday.”

 

The Banks here are mostly annoyed by the inconvenience of having to have customers, some only allow you to pay bills on certain days and times of the week, they all used to shut at 3pm, just like the banks did in the UK in the 1970s, but some are now changing.

 

It does seem a little odd that we are in the middle of Spain’s most serious financial crisis in modern history, following a pandemic that is not over yet and the Banks still cling on to their belligerent, obfuscated way of behaviour.