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133 [S10 E5] The Mess and the Magic: from the good girl narrative to autistic self compassion

Release Date: 08/30/2025

159 [S11 E14] From the inside out: autistic embodiment, burnouts and breakthroughs

The Squarepeg Podcast

Victoria Gray is an artist and a coach to neurodivergent artists. She lives in York in the UK and was formally diagnosed as autistic in 2017, aged 34. Victoria has spent two decades making and performing solo performance works. She initially trained in Ballet and Contemporary Dance, but due to a back injury and subsequent lifelong chronic pain she had to pivot her career, moving into Fine Art and higher education teaching. After several years in university roles, she had to resign after experiencing multiple repeated burnouts. Since 2014 Victoria has worked as a freelance lecturer, artist, and...

158 [S11 E13] Listening to myself at last: autistic midlife, grief and new beginnings

The Squarepeg Podcast

Lucy Hogg was formally recognised as autistic in 2018. She describes her life as ‘messy’, impacted by PTSD from an accident and years of trying to convince therapists that she is autistic, as well as lifelong struggles with not feeling heard or seen, and difficulty making herself understood at work Now 55, Lucy lives in Norwich, where she works part time in the charity sector as a Director of Partnerships and Influencing, after a varied career as an au pair, research associate, gender equality campaigner, and nonprofit director. She has a degree in Business Studies, a Masters in...

157 [S11 E12] Talking to strangers: podcasting my way into a late autism discovery

The Squarepeg Podcast

Carolyn Kiel is the host of Beyond 6 Seconds, a multi-award-winning neurodiversity podcast. She started her podcast in 2018 as a general interest interview show, but in 2022 she shifted the focus to neurodiversity, after receiving an autism diagnosis in her mid-40s. Carolyn interviews neurodivergent people from around the world about their lives, identities and passions, with a focus on the intersections between neurodivergence and race, gender, sexual orientation, disability, and more. Carolyn has a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and a Master of Arts in Industrial/Organisational Psychology....

156 [S11 E11] Coming home to myself: feeling 'good enough', unmasking and moving towards self love

The Squarepeg Podcast

Abs Lee is a carer, gardener and cleaner from Suffolk in the UK. Now 54, she was formally identified as autistic early in 2020, in the midst of the pandemic and lockdown. She's a parent to an AuDHD, queer adult human, and cares for her elderly mother. Abs has moved between multiple jobs throughout her life so far, full of potential but often finding it difficult to stay in roles due to sensory issues and lack of the right support. Now self employed, working part time due to health issues and caring responsibilities, she says that her life “has been shaped by persistence, lived experience and...

155 [S11 E10] Unravelling: masking, personality adaptation and meeting my real self

The Squarepeg Podcast

Toni Borneo was formally recognised as autistic two years ago, at age 42 - something that has saved and completely changed her life. For her, the process of unmasking uncovered complex, long term mental and emotional health issues. And more recently she realised that she has developmental trauma that has led to her having a personality disorder. Toni has spent her working life in health policy advocacy, first for a mental health charity, and now for a health trade union. She lives in Guildford in the UK, where she is currently discovering her unexplored creativity, building up her...

154 [S11 E9] Finding a really cool rock: figuring out life and work without an 'autistic starter pack'

The Squarepeg Podcast

Phoebe Taylor is a Canadian writer and artist whose work attempts to translate the experience of autism from the inside out. ‘Fired from every job she ever had’, she decided to explore self employment during the pandemic. Now 32, she was formally identified as autistic a couple of years ago, and has spent the last few years figuring out how to make a life that works better for her. Phoebe was a shortlisted finalist in the 2024 Grit List Festival for her essays on the interior experience of autism, and is currently writing about autism, feminism and disability and working on a collection of...

153 [S11 E8] Creativity, small joys and redefining success: navigating the long-term impact of autistic burnout

The Squarepeg Podcast

Phoenix* is 44 and from The Netherlands. She has a PhD in philosophy and worked in academia for several years, before experiencing a severe burnout in her early thirties. Phoenix started seriously considering that she might be autistic around two and a half years ago, after struggling for years with burnout, chronic fatigue and anxiety. She was formally recognised as autistic about a year ago, shortly after her young daughter. Since her burnout, Phoenix has rediscovered her creativity and has found connection with herself and others through creative writing, visual art and making clay...

152 [S11 E7] Sparkly things and heavy loads: autistic menopause, academia and lived experience

The Squarepeg Podcast

Dr Rachel Mosely was halfway through her second postdoctoral job in autism research when she learnt that she herself had been suspected as being autistic as a child. After some investigation, she was assessed and diagnosed at the Lorna Wing Centre, aged 28. Ten years on, Rachel is Principal academic in Psychology at Bournemouth University, where her research focuses on understanding the challenges faced by autistic people, primarily around mental health. She has a degree in Psychology and a PhD in cognitive neuroscience from Cambridge University. Together with colleagues she has conducted work...

151 [S11 E6] The same type of different: autistic identity, South Asian stories and the model minority myth

The Squarepeg Podcast

Mrinal Gokhale is an author, writer, and speaker based in Wisconsin in the United States, passionate about all things psychology and wellness. Since becoming an author, Mrinal has written for and collaborated with platforms to discuss South Asian and Asian American mental health. She has a Bachelor's degree in marketing from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. Now 35, Mrinal is the author of two books, the latest of which, Taboo: South Asian Mental Health Stories, is a collection of lived experience accounts from people of South Asian descent about navigating mental illness,...

150 [S11 E5] A little candle burning: survival, healing, and the small nourishments of autistic life

The Squarepeg Podcast

Su Scotting is a poet, writer and artist, and retired National Trust archivist, from Cornwall in the UK. Now 63, she was formally recognised as autistic at 58. Su excelled at school, going on to get a BA in Medieval English Studies, and later an MA in Art. After years as an archivist she worked in government administration. But her education and career were impacted by sensory issues, overwhelm and autistic burnout. In her 40s Su was diagnosed first with depression and anxiety, then with cPTSD. When she eventually received her autism diagnosis at 58 (along with diagnoses of Sensory...

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Dr Michelle McQuaid is a wellbeing researcher in her early 50s. She lives and works in Melbourne, Australia, where she is an honorary fellow at Melbourne University's Center for Wellbeing Science. Michelle was diagnosed autistic nearly ten years ago, after her then five year old son was diagnosed.

By then, Michelle’s autistic brain had turned perfectionism into an all-consuming mission, and by 34 this relentless intensity ended in burnout. She had assumed a ‘good girl’ persona - perfect performance, constant people-pleasing, and protecting others at any cost - and, as she puts it, turning herself into “a human ATM of generosity”.

For Michelle, an autism diagnosis wasn't just an explanation – it was liberation. Understanding her autistic brain helped her recognise that her patterns weren't personal failings, but the result of trying to force her neurodivergent brain into a neurotypical world. This realisation transformed how she navigates both her autism and the 'good girl' expectations, by uncovering evidence-based practices we can all use.

In this conversation we talk about burnout, masking and self-compassion. We explore the impact of societal expectations on autistic women, the concept of the ‘good girl’ and how Michelle learned to embrace her autistic traits and developed strategies for understanding her neurodiversity and practices that can transform the way we see ourselves and the lives we build.

Squarepeg is a podcast in which I talk to other late identified autistic women and nonbinary people about their lives, their autism journeys, and what they’ve learned along the way.

I’m Amy Richards, and I was diagnosed autistic in 2016, when I was 37. I’ve been sharing my conversations with other autistic adults since 2020.

I hope you'll find these conversations inspiring and thought provoking, and that they’ll help you feel more connected to a worldwide community of people with similar experiences.

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EPISODE LINKS:

Good Girl resources: https://www.thegoodgirlgamechangers.com

Website: https://www.michellemcquaid.com/

The Perfectly Imperfect Little Girl: https://michellemcquaid.substack.com/p/buy-now-the-perfectly-imperfect-books

The Ordinary Princess: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ordinary-Princess-Puffin-Book/dp/0141361166

Character strengths: https://www.viacharacter.org/

If you'd like to connect with me, get in touch or follow Squarepeg, you can find me on:

Website: https://squarepeg.community/

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/squarepegpodcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/squarepeg.community/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/squarepegautism/

THANK YOU TO MY PATRONS!

A HUGE thank you to my amazing patrons, who support my work on the podcast:

Abi Hunter, Alex, Alex Lee, Alice Kemp, Amy Adler, Anika Lacerte, Anna Grojec, Annette, Annie, Anya Nebl, Aubrey Brand, B Martinez, Barbara, Basia, Becca Lee, Becky Beasley, Ben Davies, Beth Kelly Herbert, Caprice, Caroline, Cat Preston, Catherine, Cathy Oliver, C B, Charlotte Keen, Claire Gerard, Corinne Cariad, Corrine L. McDermid, Dana, Dana Bradley, Danielle Warby, Danielle Wrench, Daphna Epstein, Deaborah, Deanna M. Counts Goldy, Dennis McNulty, E, Em, Emma Franks, Erica Kenworthy, Erin Mazow, Evgeniia Pupysheva, Ewan McNeill, Frederike, Galina, George Cole, H Arena, Hannah Breslin, Heather Peake, Helen Anne Hooker, Helen Delaney, Helen White, Holly Knight-Smith, India, Jackie Allen, Jaqueline Coursey, Jayne Hutchinson, Jenn W, Jo, Joanna McKnight, Julie, Julie Gillespie, Karen, Karin Parker, KatF, Kate and Kathryn, Katharine Richards, Katherine, Katherine Meizel, Ken K, Kim Mortstock, Laura, Laura, Laurin Aman, Lilli Simmons, Lisa, Lisa Joy Powley, Lisa Williams, Liz, Lizzie, Lula Cork, Mandy Allen, Marjory Webber, Martha Everett, Meg c, Melissa Shaw, Meredith L. Freyre, Mindy Wigzell, Monica Toohey, NC, Nicola Neil, Pete Burke, Rebecca, Rebecca Biegel, Sadie Slater, Sandra Chapman, Sandy Klarsten, Sandy Ladkin, Sarah Ivinson, Sarah Jeffrey, Sarah LW, Sarah Musgrave, Sarah Raine, Shelia Smith, Sophie King, Talia's Nature,Tamsen Staniford, Tris, Vicki Temple, Victoria Jeffrey and Zans McLachlan.

If you’re enjoying the Squarepeg podcast and would like to help me carry on making new episodes, you can become a member of the Squarepeg community on Patreon from £3 per month: https://www.patreon.com/squarepegpodcast

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