Enmeshment, Co-dependence, and What Healthy Connection Actually Looks Like
Stronger in the Difficult Places
Release Date: 06/17/2025
How Releasing the Need to Be Right Can Heal Co-Dependency and Shame
Stronger in the Difficult Places
Do you ever feel like you have to be “right” in order to feel safe? Or that if you could just figure out the answer, the relationship, or the next step, then the anxiety and shame would finally go away? If so, you’re not alone. Many women stuck in co-dependency and complex shame cling to certainty as a way to feel secure—but often it only leaves us more exhausted, more disconnected, and further from ourselves. In this episode of Stronger in the Difficult Places, I sit down with Stefani Ruper - Oxford-trained philosopher, former Harvard researcher, and author of the forthcoming book The...
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When Someone You Love Won’t Change
Stronger in the Difficult Places
We’ve all been there—wishing someone we love would finally be different. Maybe it’s a spouse who won’t listen, a parent who won’t soften, or a friend who keeps repeating the same destructive patterns. The temptation is to pour our energy into fixing them—but what if the real path to peace and change begins with you? In this episode, I unpack why clinging to the hope that someone will change can keep you stuck, frustrated, and resentful. I offer practical, compassionate steps for accepting people as they are, protecting your worth with boundaries, and reclaiming your peace. ...
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3 Things My Divorce Taught Me About Co-Dependency
Stronger in the Difficult Places
What do you even call a divorce anniversary? Two years after the end of my marriage, I find myself reflecting—not on celebration, but on growth, healing, and the lessons heartbreak leaves behind. In this deeply personal episode, I’m sharing the three truths divorce taught me about co-dependency and how I’m learning to live and love differently. Whether you’re walking through the rubble of a relationship, navigating the lonely spaces of divorce, or stepping into love again with a hopeful but shaky heart, these lessons are for you. What You’ll Learn in This Episode: Why...
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The “Saving Him” Illusion: Love, Loss, and Finding Freedom
Stronger in the Difficult Places
So many women in difficult relationships hold onto a dangerous belief: if I just love him enough, I can save him. Psychotherapist and author Shavaun Scott knows this illusion all too well. In her memoir Nightbird (Pierian Springs Press, May 12), she unflinchingly shares her journey through an emotionally abusive marriage, her husband’s tragic suicide, and the painful yet liberating process of rebuilding her life. In this conversation, Shavaun and I explore: Why so many women feel responsible for “saving” their partners—and how that belief keeps us trapped. How suicide or the threat of...
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Listen Like You Mean It - The Relationship Shift That Starts With Listening
Stronger in the Difficult Places
In a world where we’re taught to speak up, make our point, and persuade, the skill of listening often gets overlooked—and undervalued. Yet listening, when done well, can transform our relationships far more than talking or lecturing ever could. In this episode of Stronger in the Difficult Places, Dr. Zoe sits down with Licensed Professional Counselor Gina Yanovitch to explore how truly hearing others can deepen understanding, foster connection, and defuse conflict. Gina, author of Stop Avoiding It, shares how coping skills, neuroscience, and scripture can help us move out of our emotional...
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Staying Married Is the Hardest Part: Infidelity, Empathy, and the Glue That Holds Us Together
Stronger in the Difficult Places
What does it really take to make a long-term marriage work and why do so many couples struggle to stay connected over time? In this episode, I sit down with psychologist and author Dr. Bonnie Comfort to explore the hard truths and hopeful tools behind enduring love. With over 30 years of experience working with couples, Dr. Comfort offers a candid look into the complexities of modern marriage, the emotional minefield of infidelity, and why empathy, not perfection, is the real glue that holds relationships together. We talk about the cultural conditioning that encourages women to be overly...
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Dear Brave Soul: When Life Doesn’t Go As Planned- Shame, Blame And Other Things We Aren't Meant To Carry
Stronger in the Difficult Places
What do you do when life takes a turn you never asked for? When the diagnosis, the betrayal, the loss, or the slow unraveling of your plans leaves you feeling like the wrong person for the job? In this deeply personal and compassionate episode, Dr. Zoe reads a letter to anyone facing a life they didn’t expect. Originally written for an anthology, this letter was adapted for anyone navigating life-changing pain, disorientation, or shame. Whether you’re in the midst of grief, struggling with a sudden shift in identity, or simply wondering how to move forward this episode is a lifeline....
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How Men Are Conditioned to Emotionally Abandon us
Stronger in the Difficult Places
Why do so many women find themselves in relationships where they’re doing all the emotional labor? And what role does childhood—and especially the way we raise boys—play in this dynamic? In today’s powerful episode, Dr. Gloria K. Vanderhorst joins me to unpack the lifelong impact of early emotional conditioning—particularly for boys. With over 50 years of experience working with individuals, families, and schools, Dr. Gloria brings deep insight into how our earliest experiences shape how we love, relate, and often repeat patterns without even realizing it. We explore why boys are...
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Anxiety Is Just Energy: Tools to Calm Your Relationship Anxiety
Stronger in the Difficult Places
What if anxiety wasn’t the enemy, but a signal? In this powerful episode, Dr. Zoe talks with psychotherapist and transformational coach Bonnie Brindle about why anxiety is just energy—and how to channel it instead of being ruled by it. Bonnie shares her own story of living with intense anxiety, what finally helped her break free, and the surprising way your energy system could be sabotaging your calm. You’ll walk away with practical, empowering tools to regulate your nervous system before hard conversations, build internal trust, and quiet your mind when your relationship feels...
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Enmeshment, Co-dependence, and What Healthy Connection Actually Looks Like
Stronger in the Difficult Places
Welcome back to Stronger in the Difficult Places. I’m your host, Dr. Zoe, and today we’re digging deep into a topic that hits close to home for so many women in difficult relationships: the difference between enmeshment, co-dependence, and healthy interdependence. These patterns can be hard to recognize when they’re all you’ve ever known. Maybe you were taught that love means sacrifice. That closeness means never saying no. That boundaries are rejection. But the truth? Real love doesn’t require you to disappear. In this episode, you’ll learn: The key differences between enmeshment...
info_outlineWelcome back to Stronger in the Difficult Places. I’m your host, Dr. Zoe, and today we’re digging deep into a topic that hits close to home for so many women in difficult relationships: the difference between enmeshment, co-dependence, and healthy interdependence.
These patterns can be hard to recognize when they’re all you’ve ever known. Maybe you were taught that love means sacrifice. That closeness means never saying no. That boundaries are rejection. But the truth? Real love doesn’t require you to disappear.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- The key differences between enmeshment and co-dependence
- How these dynamics show up in parent-child and romantic relationships
- Why emotional fusion is not the same as intimacy
- What healthy interdependence actually looks and feels like
- How to begin untangling your identity from someone else’s needs
This episode is for the woman who’s tired of losing herself in the name of love. Who wants connection — but not at the cost of her own soul. Who’s ready to set boundaries not out of anger, but out of clarity and care.
Remember:
We’re not fixing them. We’re fixing you. And that changes everything.
Resources & Links:
Pre-order my book Stronger In The Difficult Places: drzoeshaw.com/book
Free Downloads:
Download the Steps to Healing from Complex Shame™ PDF: here
Get the First Chapter of Stronger in the Difficult Places: here
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