Signs Contempt Is Ruining Your Relationship & Ways to Cope
This Jungian Life
Contempt feels like a gut punch. It’s a cold, distancing act that devalues a person even as it avoids solving a real problem. The contemptuous are full of shame, fear, or hurt, so they recreate those feelings in others to evade their own issues. Unlike anger (which tries to correct an injustice), disgust (which avoids what feels contaminating), or hatred (which seeks destruction), contempt asserts superiority and cuts off relatedness. It shows up in eye‑rolling, sarcasm, mockery, and a habit of judging others as beneath one’s standards. Whether you’re struggling to survive it...
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SEPARATIO: The Alchemical Secret That Ends Confusion
This Jungian Life
Alchemical separatio is the skill of sorting out your mind. You separate what belongs to you—your complexes, habitual triggers, and painful memories--from what is happening in the world around you. In the laboratory of your life, you separate present triggers from older wounds, and literal facts from symbolic meanings. This is part of your essential self-ordering instinct. As you bring more and more of yourself into conscious awareness, a delightful calm will tell you you’re on the right path. Join us and learn how to gain the profound clarity necessary on the path of Individuation. Read...
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LUCID DREAMING: How to Make the Most of a Magical Opportunity
This Jungian Life
Lucid dreaming is an interesting ego state when we are dreaming and regain full self-awareness. Being awake in the dream world can be useful, but imposing a rigid agenda can undermine the Dream Maker’s attempts to educate and help us. Each dream is crafted to incrementally expand our awareness and acceptance of unconscious factors we need in order to grow. When we wake inside a dream, we can lose track of that important attitude and may use the dream as our playground—most people try to fly and miss significant opportunities. If we can achieve a non-grasping clarity, lucidity can deepen...
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Shadow, Evil, and Individuation: Jung’s View of the Devil
This Jungian Life
The devil archetype carries three qualities: it promotes bestial violence of every kind, it tries to convince us that the material world is the only reality, and it fools us into thinking we can spiritually ascend through intellect alone. On a personal level, it gathers our disowned infernal traits—envy, rage, greed, and the wish to dominate —and seduces us into believing those qualities are virtues. Once we face our own devilishness and grant it a symbolic form, we can assume a choiceful stance. Lacking that, we try to evacuate our own evil by projecting it onto others and then...
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Horror as a Mirror: What Netflix’s MONSTER Makes Us See
This Jungian Life
The new controversial Netflix series MONSTER: The Ed Gein Story offers a window into the devouring mother archetype, a transformation fantasy gone horribly wrong, and the human capacity for monstrous behavior. Gein’s crimes inspired the Hitchcock movie Psycho, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Silence of the Lambs. It challenges the audience to confront its fascination with evil and begs the question, where do the monsters hide in our own Psyche? To help us wrestle with these questions, we’re joined by Joey Pollari—actor, musician, director, editor, and the man who plays Anthony Perkins...
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SUBLIMATIO: Jung’s Alchemical Method of Turning Problems into Archetypes
This Jungian Life
Do you get overwhelmed by intense feelings and old patterns, feeling stuck because you can’t make sense of what’s happening, and reacting on impulse instead of pausing to choose a steady, thoughtful response? Jung’s alchemical insights will help. Sublimatio is an old alchemy term for heating a solid so that it turns directly into a gas, rises, and then cools back into a solid higher up. As a psychological metaphor, this happens when we discover an archetypal image or idea that adds a fresh perspective on an old problem. The vapor becomes a solid again when we apply the new attitude to...
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People Pleasing Is Making You Sick!
This Jungian Life
People Pleasing is a compulsive strategy that disavows your needs and surrenders your agency. It begins in family systems that only reward compliance, which produces a false self. If your soul is constantly devalued, you may develop dependent narcissism with a covert contract: “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me safe.” Healing comes when you identify your true experience—notice whether you feel drained, tense, or obligated versus calm, interested, or genuinely willing. Give yourself permission to pause before agreeing. Say, “I’ll think about it,” step away to check...
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If Looks Could Kill: The Death Mother Archetype
This Jungian Life
Some mothers attack life in their children. They crush appetite, joy, curiosity, and initiative. They call it love or duty. It is not love. It is domination dressed as care. She withholds warmth to make the child obedient. She intrudes when the child needs space and vanishes when the child needs help. She shames tears, punishes play, mocks ambition, and polices the body. She turns boundaries into punishments and favors into chains. The Death Mother archetype is ancient and modern, requiring careful confrontation to free the parent and the child from its destructive grip. Today, we will help...
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Projection and Play: What Dolls Do to Psyche
This Jungian Life
Dolls are human stand-ins that invite projection and play; children use them (including action figures and Barbies) to try on identities and develop imagination, then later withdraw the projection as the figure becomes inert again. Icons and idols differ because their meaning is fixed and not for play, which limits imaginative engagement. The healthiest use of dolls is symbolic—relating to them without collapsing into literal belief—while overly realistic “reborn” dolls, talk-box toys, and similar literalizations can narrow imagination, blur symbol and reality. Across history, dolls...
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MYTHS: Maps of the Collective Unconscious
This Jungian Life
Think of myths as the dreams of an entire culture. Those stories reside in the collective unconscious and influence all of us throughout our lifespan. Mythic patterns shape our attitudes, and when we recognize them, we can link our personal experiences to the universal. When you’re panicking, you’re under the influence of Pan; when you’re sunk in gloom, you’re on a night-sea journey like Odysseus. Jungians’ call linking the personal to the universal, amplification: take a symptom, link it to a myth, and you’ve shifted it from “my private defect” to “a shared force,” which...
info_outlineHoliday homecomings kindle hopes of achieving a domestic ideal, though family gatherings are also likely to evoke old roles and emotions. Families open a portal into the patterns of the past, and unfinished business can cause repetition of disappointing dynamics as if one more replay will yield a different outcome. John Gottman, renowned interactive researcher, states that authentic relationships have more positive than negative interactions, creating an emotional bank account to draw on when difficulties arise. If relational deposits are low, it may be time to face the disappointing reality of what should have been and may never be. It’s time to start something new. We can engage the task of making a home within instead of seeking it from others. When we are at home with ourselves, we are free to enjoy relationships for what they have to offer.
Complicated family dynamics are not modern affectations but part of the original fabric of human psyche. Fairy tales offer a wellspring of archetypal images that capture elements of collective experience curated over thousands of years. These stories help define universal problems and offer attitudinal solutions. For example, Nordic tales frequently include trolls that embody unrestrained primal instincts that disrupt the peace, make uncivilized demands, and, once sated, return to the wilderness, often with a promise to return. The Norwegian tale, The Cat on the Dovrefell, helps us understand how we collude with disruptive holiday dynamics and what might be required to keep them at bay.
From the ancient wellspring of fairytales to the insightful observations of current researchers, one thing remains constant – challenging dynamics constellate when families gather for the holidays, requiring accurate recognition and skillful intervention. With this in hand, we might artfully disrupt old family patterns and bring forward the warm experiences of love and connection we hope for.
Here’s the dream we analyze:
“It’s nighttime, and I’m at the airport with my mom, in line for security. I have my cat with me, and as I’m about to go through security with him, I suddenly realize we are outside on the tarmac. I’m worried about pulling him out of his carrier because I know that if he escapes my arms, I’ll never find him out there. I can’t bear to lose him; the thought fills me with dread, and I start to panic. Upon seeing this, the TSA worker lets me keep him in his carrier. I get through and get on my flight. Upon landing, I find myself in Berlin. I make my way to the hotel, where I meet up with several friends. We are all tired from traveling, and it’s snowy out, so we decide to stay at the hotel and rest before exploring the city. We head to the pool, where the bar is very crowded with old people. One of my friends decides to go swimming, even though it’s very cold out. She plunges in, and a hotel employee scolds her, telling her it’s too cold, and she must get out. She doesn’t listen. More of my friends have arrived and are now also jumping into the pool. I stand at the edge, looking down at the water, unsure if I want to go in. Suddenly, an impulse takes over, and I need to feel the cold water on my body. I realize at this moment that I have a migraine, and I know the shock of the cold will heal it. I jump in and am surprised by how deep the pool is. I’m underwater a lot longer than I thought I’d be. When I resurface, I suddenly remember that my cat and my ex’s cat are in my hotel room, and I’m struck with a need to go check on them. I couldn’t bear to lose them and need to make sure they’re okay. Back in my hotel room, I find the cats are safe, and I also discover that my ex is in the room like he’s been waiting up there for me. I get into the bed, which is large and has a fluffy white comforter, and he joins. I am suddenly nervous as I realize we haven’t shared a bed in months, and I’m not sure what to do. But we quickly fall into place, and he’s holding me tight. It feels secure and warm, and we fall asleep like that. When I awake, we are back in our hometown together.”
REFERENCES:
John Gottman. The Relationship Cure. https://a.co/d/6vj3fUj
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