UI 049: Change Your Attitude & You'll Change Your Life... And additional lessons and comments

While part of me wants to talk about this Sterling deal that is all over the news .  Another part of me does not even want to engage in it.  But since I've already brought it up...

In case you are listening to this episode months or years later, I'll briefly give an overview of the situation that everyone is in a tizzy about.  An owner of an NBA basketball team has been the subject of ridicule, hate, public scrutiny, and backlash because he was recorded saying racist remarks in a private conversation with his ex-girlfriend.

Okay, so there is the story in a nutshell.  My big problem with this story is not what the man said, but that it was made public.  This was a very private conversation, actually an argument, and somehow it was made public.  What makes it even worse is that the news made it a headline story and virtually no one cares that this was a private conversation!  That is to say no one cares that this is gossip, and we should not be engaging in someone else's private thoughts and trivial private conversations.  The lack of decency on the part of our news media is far more disgusting than what this man has said.  And lastly, I couldn't care less about what you, the president, or some arbitrary owner of an NBA team thinks, or says privately.  I do however care about what leaders say publicly, and how people behave in general.

Okay, enough about that.

The real issue (not that public vs. private / thoughts vs. action is not a real issue... but I'll save it for another time when people aren't so emotionally wrapped up in the story - besides this keeps happening more and more often now) I wanted to discuss with you today is about attitude.

And what I mean by attitude is the way you think about a person or a thing.  You know the expression "attitude is everything"?  Well, typically that is in reference to your person attitude, meaning the way you express yourself to others, and the way you interpret that which you could be judging.  And let's face it there is a lot of truth to that generic aphorism.

The attitude we hold towards a person or a thing will greatly, if not entirely, effect our ability to connect with him or it.  Whether or not we find it important is based on attitude.  Whether or not we listen in general is based on attitude.  Who we present ourselves as to the rest of the world is a product of our attitude.

And if we shift our attitude, we can open up new worlds of insight and possibility... or vice versa of course.

So here's the deal.  I want to illustrate for you how a shift in my own attitude changed my life.

As I've mentioned in the past, for the first few decades of life I was an atheist.  For as far back as I can remember regarding this issue, which is probably around 5, I have never accepted the God idea as it had been presented to me.  It seemed flawed when I was very young, and as I grew older I found only more problems, contradictions, and intellectual vacuity regarding people's "proofs" or "evidence" of God's existence or pathos.

Of course, looking back on it now... My attitude was all wrong if I really wanted to learn, or at least have my own assertions challenged.  The moment I realized someone's dogmatic belief (theist, atheist, whatever) I would do my best to break down their arguments.  Not to be argumentative so much as just to show that they don't really know what they are talking about.  My attitude was that if a person had "proofs" for or against God, then you were fair game to challenged in my obnoxious ways.

And then I had an attitude shift.  Or shifts (plural).  Certain people whose intellect and reasoning I truly admired, started penetrating my thick skull.  Maimonides was one of the first really.  I really like him.  It's a shame that I studied philosophy in college, but he was not one that we ever focused on.  Truth is that, I don't think I really started learning philosophy until after college...

So Maimonides, and then I very clearly remember working through a tiny book, Nine Questions People Ask About Judaism - by Joseph Telushkin and Dennis Prager.  That little book was really, truly transformative.  I had experienced Prager growing up in Los Angeles and listening to his radio show "Religion on the Line".  While I thought it was interesting, my bad attitude prevented me from really engaging with the show.  My dad, whose was not a religious Jew but believed in God nonetheless, and I would debate topics from the show occasionally.  And it was fun... but that was about it.

Nope, I needed to have that mysterious thing known as an attitude adjustment for me to grow, mature, and open up to new thoughts.  Really, I don't know exactly what happened... but it did. Thank God it did because slowly and gradually my life changed because of it.  Actually it's more like my old life died, and a new life I could not have imagined was revealed.

Why am I bringing this up as an ultimate issue?  Well, it's because of this week's Torah portion, Emor.

My old attitude towards all "sacred" texts was filled with so much mockery and ridicule that I could never appreciate any of them.  I liked Shakespeare, and I liked Plato, and I liked the Dhammapadda, and I liked some Bible stories... they were all just stories... all man made... of no real significance.

But at least regarding the Torah, I had an attitude adjustment and I started reading it with the idea that it is somehow Divine.  I can't explain it fully... but suffice to say, I was working on reading it as a book that transcended other books.

So here was the fascinating thing; the more serious I took the Torah - the more serious I took the Torah.  Literally within a matter of weeks I was obsessed with learning the Torah.  Still am.  And yes it's an obsession - I really love learning from it and being challenged by it.  It's like the feeling you get from working out and eating a healthy and nutritious meal... you feel like you are getting stronger, and better... and in regards to Torah learning it was that I was finally getting clarity of thought I had never had before.  It just feels right.

Anyway, one of the great attitudes I adopted from Dennis Prager is that "When I disagree wight the Torah, it is my task to figure out why the Torah is right and I am wrong."  This idea has made Torah study so much fun!  Really, try adopting for yourself.  Where ever you disagree with the Torah, think "Okay how am I wrong? What am I missing? Why else would it say this?"  Ask yourself those kinds of questions and just be relentless.  Don't given and just say the Torah is sexist, masoginistic, antiquated, chauvinistic,  bigoted, xenophobic, filled with hate, or any other dismissive idea.  NO!  Just engage in it, and allow it to challenge YOU!  Let yourself not know all the answers immediately, and see if maybe you are answering the wrong question.

For instance, this week I ran into a line that I had forgotten about:

Leviticus 21:9 (NIV)

"'If a priest's daughter defiles herself by becoming a prostitute, she disgraces her father; she must be burned in the fire.

What the hell?  Seriously?  Wait a second, how can the Torah be saying this when just last week it was teaching us to love our neighbor who is like us (Lev. 19:18) actually it says:

 ‘Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord. (Lev. 19:18 NIV)

Doesn't this seem a particularly cruel and harsh - perhaps vengeful - punishment for prostitution? After all prostitution is not that big of a deal in the Torah.  And if you think it's about premarital sex, the truth is that is not a that big of a deal in the Torah either.  So what is the big deal?

Is the Torah being cruel?  Is the Torah wrong?  Well, since my attitude in learning  Torah won't tolerate that kind of escapist dismissal, then I must search for a meaningful answer.

So here we go:

This is what I've come up with so far.

First what is troubling about this decree?  Well like I said, it seems harsh.  Just because a girl is born to a Kohein (Priest), she is subject to being burned alive if she prostitutes herself?  Elsewhere in the Torah and the Tanakh, prostitution is mentioned with little if any recourse.  And besides, why is she subject to such a harsh penalty since she had no choice regarding which family she was born into?  Why is it so important to make this familial problem (ie. her father she profanes)?  Shouldn't it say she profanes herself?  And if it is her father she profanes, then why isn't he thrown in the fire as well?  And why fire? Though neither option sounds pleasant, given the choice between the typical execution - stoning, and this one - burned alive... I'll take the former thank you.  And what's the deal with the specificity of death by fire anyway?

Thankfully my attitude to these questions is that God gave us the Torah with this information for a reason, and it is useful somehow, someway... And it's my task to figure it out...

Lesson 1:

None of us choose our parents, or the circumstance which we are raised.  But all of us have a responsibility to honor and respect our parents and an obligation to represent our family well to the rest of the world.  The daughter of a priest was no different than any other person, except that her family is from Aaron, Moses' older brother, Moses' prophet, and the First High Priest.  All of these are huge deals, not to mention that God had a personal relationship with Aaron.  Aaron is too often a lost character in the story of the Exodus, but make no mistake, Aaron was extremely significant to us coming out as well as for the establishment of the Temple, let alone the religion Judaism.  Remember that the entire line of priests solely comes from the sons of Aaron.  To this day, 3300 years later, a Jewish man who is a Kohein is literally a descendent of Aaron.  And to this day, Aaron's descendants carry with them special prohibitions and obligations.  They have no choice in the matter they are born into it.  It is their inheritance that they are the most Holy  of the Jewish people, and with that comes added responsibilities and a higher standard. 

And think about it... isn't that true today in many ways.  Don't we demand more of certain people based on their familial relations than others.  The Presidents' family should behave better than the average America, or the Royal family ought to behave better than the average British family.  They should be role models.  They should be elevating our standards and inspiring us to be better people.  This is ideally how it ought to be... and this prohibition and punishment described for the daughter of a priest, a descendent of Aaron, is one example.

By the way, what about Moses's descendants?  Moses was in a realm even higher than Aaron, so why aren't his sons or daughters mentioned?  Do you even know who the sons of Moses were?  Or what become of them?

Well we know he had two sons, Gershom and Eliezer.  But they basically disappear from the biblical texts.  Unlike Aaron who priestly duties were passed down to his sons, Moses' leadership role went to Joshua, instead of one of his sons.

Which brings me to lesson 2:

Unlike today's mindset where parents try to save their kids from harsh punishment, the more holy, influential, or elevated the people - the harsher the consequences for behavior.  So while Gershom and Eliezer may not have done anything wrong, it is also likely that they did not assert themselves to become better than who they were.  Which in any other case, would not be a big deal... but for the descendants of Moses - that's problematic.

Same case with Aaron's descendants.  His first two sons, Nadav and Avihu, were set to be among the very first priests.  Then they made a mistake in relating to the Lord, and He struck them down with fire immediately.  Seems like a harsh punishment... but again, the context is the same.  But just like in lesson 1: With greater holiness, comes greater responsibility.  

And bear in mind Aaron, does not argue with God about it.  Though he mourns their death, Aaron understands the stakes.   Parent's who have an elevated influence among the people, also have an added responsibility to teach their children beyond the norm.   

Whether their kids like it or not, they too have an a greater influence.  People are watching and are influenced by their behavior.  And the kids behavior is a reflection on them and on the parents.

And that's lesson 3:

How your children behave influences the public's perception on you as a parent, and on your home. I am not saying that the public will make the correct inferences and assumptions, but for many, many people... they judge parents by how their children behave.  Right or wrong, young or old,  most people go back to the source of the person... and that is the parents and the home in which they were raised.  Nothing about that has changed in 3,300 years.

To be clear, I am not saying the judgements are correct.  Is it nature or nurture?  I believe it's 100% nature and 100% nurture.  Both are extremely significant.  Either way you do the best you can with what you got.

And what about the deal with death by fire for prostitution anyway?

Lesson four:

Ethics is not enough. What is unethical about prostitution?  Assuming no one is getting hurt, and everyone involved is responsible, safe, and agreeable... where is the ethical dilemma?

There is none.  But ethics is not enough, you must be holy!

Literally just before Lev. 21:9 where we are told about the priest's daughter it says:

Lev. 21:8 (NIV)

"...Consider them holy, because I the Lord am holy—I who make you holy."

This is a holiness issue, not an ethical one.  And I just mentioned an instance where someone acted unholy and was struck down by fire.  Added hint... they too are descendants of Aaron - Nadav and Avihu!  They did nothing unethical... just unholy.

And regarding specifically sex, there are other sexual acts that have the same punishment:

Lev. 20:14

“ ‘If a man marries both a woman and her mother, it is wicked. Both he and they must be burned in the fire, so that no wickedness will be among you.

Again, there maybe nothing unethical about this... but it is unholy.

The descendants of Aaron are to be Holy to the Holy nation of Israel.  They are the personification of the Holy of Holies.  And so yes, the daughters of the Aaron's descendants also have a role in the world and they too are held on a higher standard for holiness.  Should they defile themselves, their fathers, and the Lord through their unholy actions then the consequence is like others in the same regards.

These four lessons, are extremely important and I am only scratching the surface.  I am sure there is far more to be learned as we keep turning and turning the pages.

But we have to be in the right attitude for learning.  He have to humble our ego so that it can receive information.  We have to empty our cup, so that it may be filled with wisdom.

And perhaps most significantly we have to soften our minds to have the attitude that where we disagree with the Torah we think: I am wrong and the Torah is right.