What Story Do You Tell Yourself?

On this episode, I’m going to share with you two simple ways to find the story that drives your decision making. Most likely unconscious, we all have an internal narrative that either pushes us to grow or holds us back from reaching our unlimited potential.

But before we talk about our internal narrative, let’s talk about how stories drive our lives.

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King Arthur, Twilight And Our Parents All Have This in Common

We are a culture obsessed with myths, legends, and story tales. Just pick up any children’s book today and they are full of the same stories we once listened to as children. And our parents listened to. And their parents. And so on.

We’ve been telling stories for millennia. Which makes sense since the word “myth” derived from the Greek word “mythos” which translates literally as “story”.

We’ve been telling stories all the way back to when my good friend Lucy roamed the African plain around 3 million years ago: the days where we hunted and gathered for food then sat around the campfire telling stories.

From dragons to vampires, we continue to tell stories that take us into the strange world of The Unknown: a mystical world that both enchants us and terrifies us. And teaches us lessons to live by.

While we may not be hanging around the campfire anymore, we still sit around light at night and listen to stories. They just flicker through a television or smartphone. We continue to be the storytelling animal.

Beyond the fictional stories we share in our world, there are other stories that we live by and perhaps don’t even know it. These are the myths that we tell ourselves. Our inner dialogue. Our inner voice. The story within which we write our lives.

For example,

Oh, I can’t do that.

I can’t be a writer.

I can’t travel the world.

I can’t be a mother AND a CEO of a company.

I can’t take a gap year.

There are stories that we live by that regulate our lives and perhaps stop us from living out the greatest version of ourselves. Thing is, once we realize what stories control our lives, this awareness lifts the myth into a fog that blows away with the slight breeze of your breath.

Here Are Two Simple Steps to Find Your Myth

1. Right-Brain Writing (10-20 minutes)

Our left brain loves to get in the way of our thinking. The left brain loves to chime in and tell us that spelling words and putting proper punctuation are more important than expressing creative ideas trapped inside.

So, put your left brain to rest and unleash your right brain. To do this, you just need to act fast.

Set a timer for 10-20 minutes and open up a word processor or notebook. Personally, I have to type when I do this because I write a lot slower than I type and have found typing to be more conducive to this activity.

At the top, write down this question: “What stories do I tell myself and where did they come from?”

Then start writing. And keep writing. Do Not Let The Pen, Pencil, or Cursor stop from moving onward. You may write gibberish: non-sensical prose that should your mother have found it when you were a child she’d most certainly hire a therapist. That’s okay. You need to flush out your thoughts.

You may want to start off by defining what a myth is. You may write about your favorite stories. You may even write about the stories within a religion you believe.

When you get stuck and are not sure what to write again, ask yourself “Why did I write that last sentence?” and answer that question. If that doesn’t work, go back to the original question and start brand new. Talk about a new story.

Just let go and keep writing. When we speed write, we allow our unconscious mind to speak through our words.

2. Myth Meditation  (20 - 30 minute)

There are many types of meditation. In Zazen Meditation, we think of nothing but “just breathing”. In a Loving Meditation, we breathe love into our hearts and breathe out fear, perhaps with an affirmation like “May all beings be free from suffering and find peace.” In Japa Meditation, we say a word for God or “Ah” while visualizing the life we wish to grow into.

In what I’m calling here Myth Meditation, you sit and meditate on this one question: “What stories do I live by and where did they come from?”

Find a quiet space and sit in a comfortable position with eyes closed, perhaps put your tongue gently to the roof of your mouth and ask yourself the question. Thoughts will begin to emerge — perhaps related or unrelated — and will take you on a journey.

Every time you drift away, just ask yourself the question again. And again. And again. Perhaps you will just float there with the question for a while.

Memories may surface of your childhood (like they did for me), some good and others not so much. Whatever comes to the surface, just let it be. Recognize it and then let it pass through.

When your timer goes off, journal out your thoughts much like you would write out a dream. Find the common thread that ties your thoughts together. This is the story that drives your life narrative.

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What are some examples of stories that I have lived by?

1. My self-worth depends on the approval of others
2. I do not have enough time

All my life, I’ve tried so hard to fit in. In high school, even though my friends tell me I was quite popular, I always felt estranged from the other groups. I floated between the many cliques in school and remained friendly with all, but never felt like I found my kin. Funny enough, I was voted “Best Figure” as a senior superlative when all I felt was skinny and flabby.

I tried so hard to fit in, when all I needed to do was fit into my own mold of me.

Lesson here: Instead of watering down yourself to appease others, follow what inspires you to live out the greatest version of yourself.

If we came into this world already complete as Lao Tzu teaches us in the Tao Te Ching, then instead of trying to fit into another person’s mold of what is right, try instead to fit into the mold of you.

The Book of Matthew has a similar message in 10:49: “He that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.” In other words, push aside the ego that tells you to fit into the mold others create for you and instead fit into the divinely created being that you already are.