255 - Galaxis
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds sifts through some of Chris's $4 DVD acquisitions from Half Price Books and these things called "video stores" where our ancient ancestors used to purchase their entertainment wares. We start with the 1995 sci-fi direct-to-video low budget epic Galaxis (or Terminal Force), which some critic (we'll never know who) described as "Star Wars meets The Terminator." Starring Brigitte Nielsen, Richard Moll, Fred Asparagus (lol), Alan Fudge (lol), Sam Raimi for some reason, and professional Diablo III gold farmer Arthur Mesa. In a far off space battle that is in no way like the...
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254 - Hidden Strike
Your Stupid Minds
What do you get when you combine Jackie Chan, John Cena, Euron Greyjoy, six Chinese production companies, AND the 2013 winner of the China division championship of the Miss Bikini of the Universe pageant? Why 2023's Hidden Strike, of course! Dragon Luo (Chan) is the legendary leader of a private security company tasked with rescuing the kidnapped Chinese workers of an oil refinery in Iraq. For whatever reason his estranged daughter Luo Mei (Ma Chunrui) is also there, but she hates him because, like Gunner, he was busy being cool in some far off conflict zone instead of bonding with her after...
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253 - Kraven the Hunter
Your Stupid Minds
We finally did it! After months of promises we finally got around to covering the (probably) last of Sony's Spider-Man-less Spider-Man movies. It's 2024's Kraven the Hunter, starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ariana DeBose, and Russell Crowe. After a cold open action sequence in a Russian prison that serves as Aaron Taylor-Johnson's sizzle reel for his Bond audition, we are transported to the distant past of probably around 2012. Sergei (Taylor-Johnson) and Dmitri (Fred Hechinger, the Tim Robinson-looking fellow who played Caracalla in Gladiator II) Kravinoff are taken out of boarding school by...
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252 - The Return of Swamp Thing
Your Stupid Minds
Tubi? Jim Wynorski? Comic book movie? Sometimes I think we parody ourselves. Your Stupid Minds comes to you this time around with 1989's The Return of Swamp Thing, starring Heather Locklear, Louis Jourdan and Wynorski muse Monique Gabrielle. Picking up after the events of the last movie, as best we can surmise Swamp Thing killed Dr. Anton Arcane (Jourdan) but it didn't take, since he specializes in Ra's al Ghul style immortality practices. So Swamp Thing, a.k.a. Alec Holland, wanders around the Louisiana bayou campily beating up monsters and cajun caricatures. It vaguely resembles Alan Moore's...
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251 - Belly of the Beast
Your Stupid Minds
One night in Bangkok makes a soft man mumble! Your Stupid Minds heads to Thailand and returns to the Steven Seagal well with one of his transitional films from theatrical to direct-to-video. It's 2003's Belly of the Beast! Jake Hopper (Seagal) is an ex-CIA agent whose daughter Jessica (Sara Malakul Lane) is kidnapped by... some group in Thailand. They also, coincidentally, kidnap her friend Sara (Elidh MacQueen), who happens to be the daughter of a United States Senator which sparks a covert international incident. Hopper tells his dead wife goodbye and immediately plods off to Southeast Asia...
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250 - Future Kick
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Mind searches through the depths of Tubi to find a Roger Corman low budget direct to video dystopian cyborg film. It's 1991's Future Kick, starring Meg Foster, Chris Penn, and Don 'The Dragon' Wilson. It's the far-off future of 2025. Earth is ravaged by environmental disaster. Los Angeles is in ruins. Governments have collapsed and been replaced by mega-corporations. So absolutely nothing like our present. Howard (Jeff Pomerantz) is a rich guy who lives on the moon who creates interactive virtual reality stories. His wife Nancy (Foster) tries one out before his trip down to earth....
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249 - Inferno
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds returns with loads of airport novel chills and spills in the third (and almost certainly final) entry in the Dan Brown Cinematic Universe (DBCU): 2016’s Inferno. Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) wakes up in a hospital in Florence with amnesia. He must, with the assistance of a suspiciously helpful British doctor Sienna (Felicity Jones), piece together the last few days and figure out why people are shooting at him. It turns out evil billionaire Bertrand Zobrist (Ben Foster) has created a virus to wipe out half of the earth’s population. Surely bringing the planet to 1975 levels...
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248 - Gunner
Your Stupid Minds
We’re a movin’ and a groovin’ into 2025 with a low budget direct-to-something action film starring Morgan Freeman and the third Hemsworth brother Luke. It’s 2024’s Gunner! Lee Gunner (Hemsworth) is a special forces veteran Medal of Honor recipient returning home from Afghanistan after four tours to his home town of Clinton in the state of The South. After stumbling upon a drug lab in the forest, his two sons Luke (Grant Feely) and Travis (Connor DeWolfe) are kidnapped by a gang led by Dobbs Ryker (Mykel Shannon Jenkins), son of imprisoned drug lord Kendrick (Freeman). Using his...
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247 - Country Hearts Christmas
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds continues its tradition of low budget Christmas movies with wrestlers in them with Country Hearts Christmas, starring Chris Jericho and others. Tori (Lanie McAuley) and June (Katerina Maria) are sisters seeking to become country music stars in Nashville. This was most likely set up in the previous movie Country Hearts, but that doesn’t involve Christmas so who cares? The sisters catch a big break and get a spot on a popular Christmas Eve live television show, but there’s one massive problem. They need to go to church! The women hem and haw about having to be on TV on the...
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246 - Borderlands
Your Stupid Minds
Sure, we could have reviewed Eli Roth’s Thanksgiving the day after Thanksgiving. But we didn’t. We did another Eli Roth movie instead. It’s 2024’s Borderlands! Lilith (Cate Blanchett) is a bounty hunter hired to retrieve the daughter of a definitely not evil billionaire named Atlas (Edgar Ramirez). It turns out he’s evil and his daughter is a clone he made from the DNA of some dead alien civilization. He wants to use her as a key to unlock a vault full of floating cubes that he can use to make a lot of money. Evilly, I assume. Lillith teams up with a team of misfits, including...
info_outlineHeyyyy, this is Your Stupid Minds saying howdy to all the girls out there in podcast-land. We have a special edition of Your Stupid Minds: After Dark. If you download this episode before your morning commute please wait until night! We present the direct-to-video sequel to the Roger Corman ripoff of Fatal Attraction. It’s Body Chemistry II: The Voice of a Stranger (1991).
Dan (Gregory Harrison) is a disgraced Los Angeles cop who somehow got kicked off the force for beating up too many women. He returns to his fictional home town of San Angelo (not the one in Texas; it appears to be a distant suburb of LA) and breaks into his dead (?) parents’ house to start anew. He rekindles a romance with his high school sweetheart Brenda (Robin Riker) and things are looking up except for his overwhelming violent urges to beat the crap out of her.
Meanwhile, Dr. Claire Archer (Lisa Pescia) has escaped justice after killing, or being responsible for the death of, the married man she aggressively seduced. When radio psychologist Dr. Edwards (John Landis) goes cuckoo on air, Archer replaced him with a sex psychology show. The station manager Big Chuck (Morton Downey Jr.) gets wind of Claire’s dark past through a slimy private investigator Larabee (Clint Howard) and uses her sex tape to blackmail her into a bad contract.
Dan calls into the radio show as “John” with his rough sex problem. Claire clocks him almost immediately despite his use of the Batman voice and begins an illicit affair with him, undergoing a “treatment” to rid him of his urges to commit violence against women. In reality she just wants to torment and humiliate him, ruining any chances he has with the angelic Brenda.
Can Dan escape the clutches of the succubus Claire? Can Claire negotiate a better contract? Where did Clint Howard go? Wait, was that Jeremy Piven as the patrolman? Where is his hair? You’ll have to listen to find out.