261 - Ryan's Babe
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds continues its loose Canada series with a film that's been regarded as the Canadian equivalent of The Room. It's the aimless Tarantino-esque sex (?) comedy (?) Ryan's Babe (2000)! Ryan (Bill LeVasseur) is a Saskatchewan college student who's so easyGOING. He's held captive by an armed woman emerging from the woods, which gives him an opportunity to tell his entire life's story up to that point through a flashback embedded with yet another flashback. His neighbor Connie (Alix Hayden) has been obsessed with him since childhood. After numerous fruitless attempts to solidify their...
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260 - The Red Maple Leaf
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds comes at you with our first foray into the filmography of Canadian auteur Frank D'Angelo. Off the heels of his infamous Sicilian Vampire, Frank brings back his menagerie of geriatric Hollywood stars to investigate the kidnapping of the American ambassador's daughter in The Red Maple Leaf (2016). The synopsis will be difficult since we suspect Frank locked in his cast before finishing the script, so there are big names with absolutely nothing to do whose scenes could have been excised entirely and it would have made the movie more coherent. Special Agent Alfonso Palermo...
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259 - Independence Day: Resurgence
Your Stupid Minds
My god... this time around Your Stupid Minds covers the legacy sequel of 1996's biggest film. It's Independence Day: Resurgence, which was most definitely not 2016's biggest film. Starring Liam Hemsworth, Jeff Goldblum, Bill Pullman, Maika Monroe, and 3,800 other people (but not Mae Whitman). We really have our work cut out for us when describing this plot. It's 20 years after the events of the last film. Earth has commandeered the alien technology and created a Federation-like utopia centered around how cool it was when we kicked those aliens' asses. President Lanford (Sela Ward) is on the...
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258 - The Love Guru
Your Stupid Minds
This time around we’re joined by Vincent Goodwin from to discuss a serviceable sports comedy that just happens to have Mike Myers traipsing around in every frame doing a horrible Indian accent. It’s 2008’s The Love Guru! Guru Pitka (Mike Myers) is a white guy who grew up in India. Guided by the Guru Tugginmypudha (Ben Kingsley) he moves to LA to become a guru to the stars. His idol and rival Deepak Chopra (playing himself) is the top guru in the world, so Pitka is determined to get on Oprah and overtake him. In order to do this, he will need to have Toronto Maple Leafs star player...
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257 - Born Bad
Your Stupid Minds
Another episode, another low-budget Corman special shot in Southern California. It's 1997's (or 1999's? Unclear) Born Bad! After a daring daylight convenience store heist where the born bad kids steal eight beers and $3.28 worth of snacks, Evan (Patrick Renna) targets the born bad kids for their biggest score yet: the local savings and loan! His step-dad is the president of the bank, who tries to impress his new son by flashing around bank blueprints and safe codes during dinner. They use this insider knowledge to... sneak into the bank at night? No. They just bust in with Point Break masks...
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256 - The Prince and the Surfer
Your Stupid Minds
We continue through Chris's second hand DVD collection with another film that, unbelievably, also has no direct involvement with Roger Corman. It's 1999's The Prince and the Surfer, which barely involves any surfing at all. Cash Canty (Sean Kellman) is a, and I cannot stress this enough, SKATEBOARD (not surfer) kid who spends his days as Southern California teenagers in films like this typically do: hanging out by the half pipe, saying "whatever" to his friends, not going to school. But after breaking into a swanky hotel, he finds a young prince of the made up country of Gelfland is his exact...
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255 - Galaxis
Your Stupid Minds
Your Stupid Minds sifts through some of Chris's $4 DVD acquisitions from Half Price Books and these things called "video stores" where our ancient ancestors used to purchase their entertainment wares. We start with the 1995 sci-fi direct-to-video low budget epic Galaxis (or Terminal Force), which some critic (we'll never know who) described as "Star Wars meets The Terminator." Starring Brigitte Nielsen, Richard Moll, Fred Asparagus (lol), Alan Fudge (lol), Sam Raimi for some reason, and professional Diablo III gold farmer Arthur Mesa. In a far off space battle that is in no way like the...
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254 - Hidden Strike
Your Stupid Minds
What do you get when you combine Jackie Chan, John Cena, Euron Greyjoy, six Chinese production companies, AND the 2013 winner of the China division championship of the Miss Bikini of the Universe pageant? Why 2023's Hidden Strike, of course! Dragon Luo (Chan) is the legendary leader of a private security company tasked with rescuing the kidnapped Chinese workers of an oil refinery in Iraq. For whatever reason his estranged daughter Luo Mei (Ma Chunrui) is also there, but she hates him because, like Gunner, he was busy being cool in some far off conflict zone instead of bonding with her after...
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253 - Kraven the Hunter
Your Stupid Minds
We finally did it! After months of promises we finally got around to covering the (probably) last of Sony's Spider-Man-less Spider-Man movies. It's 2024's Kraven the Hunter, starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ariana DeBose, and Russell Crowe. After a cold open action sequence in a Russian prison that serves as Aaron Taylor-Johnson's sizzle reel for his Bond audition, we are transported to the distant past of probably around 2012. Sergei (Taylor-Johnson) and Dmitri (Fred Hechinger, the Tim Robinson-looking fellow who played Caracalla in Gladiator II) Kravinoff are taken out of boarding school by...
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252 - The Return of Swamp Thing
Your Stupid Minds
Tubi? Jim Wynorski? Comic book movie? Sometimes I think we parody ourselves. Your Stupid Minds comes to you this time around with 1989's The Return of Swamp Thing, starring Heather Locklear, Louis Jourdan and Wynorski muse Monique Gabrielle. Picking up after the events of the last movie, as best we can surmise Swamp Thing killed Dr. Anton Arcane (Jourdan) but it didn't take, since he specializes in Ra's al Ghul style immortality practices. So Swamp Thing, a.k.a. Alec Holland, wanders around the Louisiana bayou campily beating up monsters and cajun caricatures. It vaguely resembles Alan Moore's...
info_outlineYour Stupid Minds is back! Did you know it’s the Olympics? We have a special Olympic-size episode for you, with Dolph Lundgren’s 1994 film Pentathlon!
Eric Brogar (Lundgren) is an Olympic pentathlete competing for East Germany in the 1988 Olympics. For those of you who are normal, the pentathlon consists of five events: swimming, shooting, horseback riding, fencing, and running (the modern pentathlon has replaced horseback riding with some Ninja Warrior parkour stuff). Brogar wins the gold to spite his evil and abusive trainer Heinrich Müller (David Soul), who is also a big wig in the Stasi, East Germany’s secret police. Also to spite him, Brogar defects in the sloppiest way possible at the Seoul airport and runs onto the American team bus.
In retaliation, Müller murders Brogar’s dad, and then the Berlin Wall falls two months later. Brogar is depressed, and spends the next four years in Los Angeles drinking, smoking, and watching a tiny little television while somehow maintaining perfect muscle tone and body fat ratio. He works at a greasy spoon and his boss John Creese (Roger E. Mosley) discovers he’s a gold medalist, and immediately starts training him so he can cash in on endorsement deals. You know, all those million dollar Nike sponsorships pentathletes are known to receive?
Müller is now also a neo-Nazi and travels to LA to raise funds for a terrorist attack on a local Holocaust museum peace rally, but upon arriving he learns that Brogar still exists and lives in town. Since this is the go-go ‘90s and he thinks he can have it all, surely he can perform this grisly terrorist attack and satisfy his personal grudge at the same time, right?
After a bike-by Luger shooting at the beach, Brogar escapes to his girlfriend’s hideaway cabin (possibly the same cabin from the 3 Ninjas movies) but Müller and his goons find him. He’s kidnapped and taken to the Holocaust museum so he can watch a rabbi explode on a tiny TV inside the terrorists’ van. Can Brogar escape and stop the attack, which conceivably is the only possible reason why he would be there? You’ll have to listen to find out!