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The Pretentious Prick

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

Release Date: 07/27/2023

Thomas Morton Opened up Pandoras Box of VICES show art Thomas Morton Opened up Pandoras Box of VICES

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

Introducing the ONE and ONLY Thomas Morton I am lucky enough to have met this spectacular combination of Clark Kent meets Martin Q Blank (the vinyl expert from Gross Point Blank). Thomas is a fucking mench, who has had spectacular luck 38 of the 41 years he's been alive but he has lived through his recent ring of fire and THANK GOD is still here to tell us the tale. A Vice writer, and television host for the last two decades, this little cutie and idiot savant (his words not mine) is here to talk to us about what it was like to be handed your DREAM job in his thirties and trolled the world...

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THE PANDA EXPRESS TRAIN TO EXTINCTION - Zoe Vs. Hong Kong Round 1 /2/3 AND 4 show art THE PANDA EXPRESS TRAIN TO EXTINCTION - Zoe Vs. Hong Kong Round 1 /2/3 AND 4

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

WELCOME to Zoe Vs. China - four of my favorite episodes from my journey's out east. Now this has everything - tears - horror - love - struggle -heart - political unrest - regular peoples hopes and dreams to try to maintain a life in a place that is changing by the fucking second. First things first: China is insane. Hong Kong is literally like being inside of Tron. I have never in my life seen so much wealth, or been so unhappy with the cost of literally everything. It’s an amazing city, but its very difficult to live there. Some of the highest rents on the planet for the tiniest apartments,...

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WELCOME TO SLAB CITY : A Place for those who long to be FREE show art WELCOME TO SLAB CITY : A Place for those who long to be FREE

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

So...how did I end up in Slab City...? Well..it's a long story. But the short version is a friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go to an anarchy festival next door to a meth head campground where people would be exploding home made bombs and setting cars on fire and I said....maybe? But my curiosity about Slab City had started years ago because let me just give you a brief description of what it is. Slab City is a plot of land that is still technically up for grabs out in the middle of nowhere 3 hours past Indio (Coachella) in California. Travelers, veterans, retirees, anarchists,...

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Big Trouble In Little Vagina - Best of Zoe Vs Porn World show art Big Trouble In Little Vagina - Best of Zoe Vs Porn World

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

Back to basics, back to where I belong. In a broke down NJ poorly lit convention center surrounded by Porn Stars and the people who love them, and the last frontier for DVD sales. I don't know why I love places like this so much. It's full of such wonderfully weird people, and no one gives a FUCK. There is a freedom, and a overt grime that allows everyone there to relax. The moment you step inside those doors everyone is on the same playing field. Everyone's like yeah, I'm a pervert, I admit it, and so are you so let's have a great time. I was fascinated, still am about the bravery and...

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WELCOME TO URANUS show art WELCOME TO URANUS

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR. I am still deep in the weeds of untangling myself from the ROCKSTAR BlOWOUT me and my team put together so hopefully we can give the most love and best start possible to the people we love - the beloved warriors of NYC. It was just the most beautiful shit I've ever seen. YAY, however everything hurts. I am just a cicada shell and I of course blew out my voice AT MY FIRST cabaret show - god it was difficult but BOY WAS IT SICK AF. videos and photos posted soon. Song: Phillip Glass Knee #5

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HANDJOB ARTIST MASTER LLC show art HANDJOB ARTIST MASTER LLC

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

I don't even need to describe this podcast BEST SHIT EVER - LOVE // EMPATHY // STRUGGLE // LIFE // DEATH ALL OF IT RIGHT HERE IN THE PALM OF YA HAND all fa free. YOU ARE WELCOME. OMFG BESTTTTT EVVVAAA Subscribe to my patreon - ALL MONEY HELPS ME ITS SO EXPENSIVE  Follow me on instagram @drznightingale  check out all my shit on my webstie come to MY NEW YEARS eve cabaret and 15 hour party HOSTED BY ME THE DEVIL  https://www.eventbrite.com/e/uranus-invasion-a-new-years-probe-tickets-769729099457?aff=oddtdtcreator&utm_experiment=test_share_listing

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F$CK ART BASIL $$$ show art F$CK ART BASIL $$$

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

ART BASEL. What is it exactly? It’s a big fuck off money laundering party where you'll see some of the most innovative art in the world but you have to search in between piles of excrement, so large, you'll think they're a set from Jurassic Park. I love artists, and I love creation in all forms, but what I don't love is that the wealthy gallery elite have sucked all of the soul and fun out of it. I am NOT saying that there isn’t bright spots of creative genius all over, all I am saying is the price tags are HILARIOUS and most of the ideas about as fresh as Monday night’s fish. What is...

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FRESH CREAM PIE show art FRESH CREAM PIE

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

Man it's been a whirlwind fall and fucking crazy winter already. I can barely keep up. Managing personal relationships, family, work, mental health, the cost of just barely paying my bills, it's just too fucking much. Take care of yourselves during December, watch your drinking, watch your overeating, watch your negative mental commentary and comparison thinking about you have have vs others, there's just something about the Christmas months that ramps up everything and pressure cooks anything you were hiding inside of you until you literally start to boil. I'm working on a multi part...

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FELLATRIX ? show art FELLATRIX ?

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !! Full disclosure - I've had a deeply twilight zone week of primordial ooze nonsense. I completely lost my shit not once, not twice, but THRICE THIS WEEK. Don't worry, it's not like it was public or anything...like at the self check out at CVS...or at Montgomery Mall Build A Bear, DO NOT WORRY, I kept it together. NOT. Listen. You can't fix things sometimes. Sometimes the repercussions of you and your families behavior cannot be rectified. Sometimes, your happiness and the very fabric of your being fundamentally makes people VERY MAD. Sometimes, YOU ARE an absolute dick who...

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ESCAPING THE NY PSYCHE WARD PART 1 show art ESCAPING THE NY PSYCHE WARD PART 1

You're Welcome with Zoe Nightingale

There I was, snug as a bug in a rug in my bed at 3 am last Saturday night, when my temporary Roomate and bff waltzes in with a gorgeous giant security looking mother fucker, and I immediately assumed he was there for some kind of nefarious sex adventure probably to be performed in my guest room. Nothing new. BUT IT TURNS OUT - he was STRAIGHT - and cuban - and had literally just gotten out of the Paramus NJ psyche ward. So naturally I whipped out my recorder and sat with him to learn about his life and last week and may I say, I have a new fear, of being involuntary committed to an...

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Introducing Justin Ross Lee the "Super Charged Super Jew" who refuses to fly anything other than first class or private, runs a company called "Pretentious Pocket Square," which sells super d paisley silk pocket squares with names like,"the Bateman" "the Madoff." A guy who calls himself the "Jewish Robinhood" because he deigns to leave first class and pour the "putz's" in coach glasses of Moet.

If you combined things like:

Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, Global warming, bottle Service, private Planes, South Beach, corporate greed, trust fund babies, herpes, russian prostitutes, Bravo TV, cocaine conversations, new money, all the Real Housewives, guys who don't wear socks, investment bankers, Republicans, Hermes belts, Dolce Gabbana anything, and put them into a blender and then added a dash of semen, a gallon a jet fuel, and a sprinkle of Vagisil and you would create the Molotov cocktail that is Justin Ross Lee.

His ringtone is Ass n Titties by DJ Assault, claims he doesn't like Asian Women because he doesn't do the "MSG" and is dripping in so much false testosterone and confidence that you feel like you have to take a shower the moment you lock eyes with him. It took him all of 5 minutes to show me a picture of his Tower of Piza leaning dick which has got to be a record for me. And even though he loves girls who are "shiksalicious," meaning fake tits, big vacant eyes, and super blonde hair with a crucifix hanging in their cleavage, our entire conversation was spent with him trying to figure out whether he wanted to fuck me, or kill me maybe both at the same time who knows.

This was a challenging interview for me because while he represents pretty much everything I hate on the planet I ended up really enjoying our conversation and liking him. To a fault I commend anyone who has the chutzpah to do something different in a funny way, and let me tell you this mother fucker is hilarious. He's memorized a million sound bites and spits out his little mantras like a tennis ball machine hooked up to a nuclear powered generator right at your head. I can't even fathom the amount of time he has spent in front of the mirror like Stewart Smalley. (I'm Good Enough I'm smart enough and gosh darnit people like me.)

Yet, we got along swimmingly...which is disturbing onto itself

But let me be clear, Justin is whip smart, and has found way to literally fake it until he made it.. So with no further ado, I present to you J.R.L vs Z.N - 35 minutes of head to head battle...who wins? I'll let you decide.

(the answer is EVERYONE LOSES)

Recorded and edited originally by Jimmy Vallance 
Remastered by Josiah Lejuwaan 
Music: 
Fame - David Bowie 
Rivolta - Polo and Pan 

Here are some great tweets from him:

Hopping a Gulfstream GIV down to Boca to thaw out my matzo balls. #FuckTheWeather#TheJewishAmericanDream

Subaru needs to re-market itself as the official vehicle of slow driving lesbians with too many pets. (this is very funny)

The novelty of a gorgeous model wears off the moment you fuck her and realize she’s no better than anyone else.

I think I'm in an abusive relationship with LA. Every time I beat the shit out of her she always comes back.

I make a flight attendant come with one finger.

Can’t control the weather, but I can change it. #Gulfstream #G4 #JewJetting #PretentiousPocket#PocketSquare #PrivateJewJetting #FuckFirstClass

I am an artist. I paint with Al Gore's tears. #PrivateJewJetting #Gulfstream #PrivateJet #Aviation#Cockpit #LouisVuitton #OliverPeoples #PretentiousPocket #PocketSquare ..