The Dad & Daughter Connection

The Dad & Daughter Connection is the podcast for fathers who want to build a strong, meaningful relationship with their daughters while empowering them to become confident, independent women. Hosted by [Your Name], this show brings you real conversations, expert insights, and inspiring stories from dads, daughters, and professionals who understand the unique challenges and joys of fatherhood. Whether you're navigating the early years, the teen phase, or beyond, The Dad & Daughter Connection is here to support you with practical advice, heartfelt discussions, and encouragement for the journey. Because being a dad isn’t just about being present—it’s about truly connecting. Join us as we learn, grow, and lead together—one conversation at a time. Subscribe now and start building the connection that lasts a lifetime!

How to reconnect with your daughter after a busy or stressful season of life 01/26/2026

How to reconnect with your daughter after a busy or stressful season of life Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—the podcast that helps you grow closer to your daughter, five intentional minutes at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about something many of us face at one point or another: How to reconnect with your daughter after a busy or stressful season of life. Whether it’s been work deadlines, health challenges, a family transition, or just the everyday chaos of life, there are times when we feel like we’ve lost touch. And if you’re feeling that distance—you’re not alone. The good news? It’s never too late to reconnect. Let’s walk through how to rebuild that bridge—with honesty, humility, and a little creativity. Why Reconnection Matters Here’s the truth: Even when we’re physically around, life can pull us emotionally away. And while your daughter might not say anything, she feels that shift. Reconnecting shows her: That she’s still a priority That relationships can heal and grow That you’re willing to put in the work—even when things haven’t been perfect It’s not about pretending nothing happened. It’s about showing up again—on purpose. 3 Practical Ways to Reconnect with Your Daughter 1. Acknowledge the Gap Honestly You don’t need a long speech. But a few honest words go a long way. “I know I haven’t been as present lately.” “Life got hectic, and I missed time with you.” “I’d really love to reconnect. Can we start fresh?” This models vulnerability—and invites her into a fresh chapter. You’re showing her that relationships take effort, and that’s okay. 2. Make Time—Even If It’s Just 15 Minutes Rebuilding doesn’t need a grand gesture. Start small and stay consistent. Plan a quick walk together after dinner Grab a snack and sit with her while she studies Ask her to teach you something she loves (a game, a song, an app) The key is: be fully present. Put down your phone. Make eye contact. Listen without multitasking. Even short moments can make a big impact—if you’re all in. 3. Create a "Just Us" Ritual Build something that belongs to just the two of you. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—it just has to be repeatable. Weekly movie night Saturday coffee runs Monthly creative project Drive-around-and-chat sessions When life gets chaotic again—and it will—this ritual becomes an anchor. A reminder that no matter how busy things get, there’s still space for the two of you. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: Reach out today and take the first small step. It could be: A text: “I miss hanging out—want to do something together this week?” A conversation: “I know life’s been hectic. I want to make more time for us.” An invitation: “You free for a walk or some ice cream later?” Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Create one. Because your daughter isn’t expecting perfection—she’s just hoping you’ll show up. That’s it for today’s episode of Dad Connections in 5. If this message hits home, share it with another dad who might be trying to rebuild a connection after a busy season. Until next time—keep reaching out, keep rebuilding, and keep reminding your daughter that no matter what life throws at you, she’ll always have your heart. If you enjoyed this episode, we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/39578060

How to stay close to your daughter during the teenage years 01/19/2026

How to stay close to your daughter during the teenage years Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute guide to building stronger, deeper relationships with your daughter, one moment at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re diving into a season that can feel like uncharted territory for a lot of fathers: How to stay close to your daughter during the teenage years. Let’s be honest—this phase is a big shift. The little girl who once wanted to hold your hand at the park may now spend more time in her room, scroll her phone for hours, and roll her eyes more than she talks. But here’s the truth that matters most: She still needs you—just in a different way. So today, I’ll give you three practical ways to stay emotionally connected to your daughter through the ups, downs, and changes of the teen years. Why the Teenage Years Are Critical These years are full of questions: “Who am I?” “Do I fit in?” “Can I trust myself?” “Do I have value, even when I mess up?” And while your daughter might act like she doesn’t want your input, what she really wants is for you to show up—consistently, calmly, and without judgment. When you do that, you teach her: That her voice matters That she can trust herself and her choices That you’ll be a steady presence, no matter what Let’s look at how to make that happen in everyday life. 3 Practical Ways to Stay Close 1. Shift from Control to Curiosity In the early years, parenting was about protection and instruction. But now? It’s about guidance and trust. Instead of: “You need to do it this way,” Try: “What do you think is the best next step?” “How did that decision feel afterward?” This keeps the door open without shutting her down. Show her you’re more interested in understanding than correcting—and she’ll keep coming to you. 2. Create Rituals That Stay Consistent Teenagers crave freedom, but they also need structure and connection. Even if she’s busier, you can build in small rituals that anchor your relationship. Weekly coffee runs or lunch dates Friday night walks Driving her to school and using that time to talk—or just be quiet together Sending a text that says “I believe in you” before big moments These habits become a signal: “No matter how old you get, I’m not going anywhere.” 3. Be the Calm in Her Chaos The teen years can feel like emotional rollercoasters—and your daughter needs at least one person who stays calm, even when she’s not. When she slams the door, gets frustrated, or messes up: Don’t match her energy. Don’t make it about your disappointment. Instead, offer grace and presence. Instead, say something like: “I’m here if you want to talk.” “I’m still proud of you, even when things are hard.” “This doesn’t change how much I love you.” That kind of steadiness builds deep trust—and it lasts a lifetime. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: Reach out to your teenage daughter today in a way that feels natural—but intentional. Send her a simple “thinking of you” text Ask how you can support her this week Suggest one small, low-pressure hangout (even if it’s just picking up takeout together) She might not always say it, but these gestures send the message loud and clear: “I’m still here. I’m still on your team. And I’m not giving up on staying connected—even when it’s hard.” That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If you’re in the thick of the teenage years—or you’re about to be—just remember: connection during this season is about being present, patient, and persistent. You’ve got this. Until next time—keep showing up, keep trusting the process, and keep being the dad she’ll always know she can count on. If you enjoyed this episode, we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community, and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/39577935

Turning life’s curveballs into teachable moments 01/12/2026

Turning life’s curveballs into teachable moments Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute boost of practical advice to help you grow closer to your daughter, one conversation and one moment at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re digging into a powerful parenting skill: Turning life’s curveballs into teachable moments. Here’s the truth—things don’t always go as planned. Your daughter is going to face disappointment, frustration, failure, and change. She’ll spill the milk, miss the goal, get the wrong grade, lose a friend, or just have one of those days. And in those moments, how you respond can either shut her down—or help her grow. So, let’s talk about how to use unexpected challenges not as roadblocks, but as relationship builders and life lessons she can carry forward. Why These Moments Matter It’s easy to teach when everything is going right. But the real magic happens when life isn’t perfect. When you step in with empathy, patience, and perspective, you help your daughter learn: How to handle stress with grace How to reflect, adapt, and move forward That she is never alone in her struggle You’re not rescuing her—you’re coaching her through it. That’s the kind of dad that changes lives. 3 Steps to Turn Challenges into Growth Moments 1. Stay Calm and Present Before anything else—take a breath. Challenges can trigger your emotions too. But your daughter is watching how you respond. Instead of jumping into “fix-it mode” or reacting with frustration, model calm curiosity. Try: “That didn’t go the way you wanted, huh?” “Do you want to talk about what happened, or just sit for a bit?” Your calm presence sends the message: “This is hard, but we’ll figure it out together.” 2. Ask Questions That Build Reflection After emotions settle, help her reflect—not by giving her a lecture, but by guiding her to think critically. Try questions like: “What do you think went wrong?” “What would you do differently next time?” “What did you learn about yourself?” You’re teaching her that mistakes and challenges aren’t dead ends—they’re doorways to learning. 3. Celebrate the Effort, Not Just the Outcome If she tried something hard and it didn’t work out, highlight what went right—even if the result wasn’t perfect. Say things like: “I saw how much effort you put into that project—I'm proud of your dedication.” “It took courage to step out of your comfort zone. That matters more than the result.” You’re reinforcing that resilience and growth matter more than success on the first try. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: The next time your daughter faces a challenge—big or small—pause and ask yourself one question: “How can I use this moment to help her grow?” Then respond with: Calm support A curious question Encouragement for her effort Even if it’s just a spilled drink or a tough day at school, your reaction can help her learn that mistakes don’t define her—they refine her. That’s it for this episode of Dad Connections in 5. If this helped you reframe those frustrating or messy moments as powerful teaching opportunities, share it with another dad who wants to show up with intention. Until next time—keep showing up, keep asking good questions, and keep reminding your daughter that she’s growing through it all—with you by her side. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/39574845

Soccer, Support, and the Father-Daughter Journey with David and Scout Murray 01/05/2026

Soccer, Support, and the Father-Daughter Journey with David and Scout Murray This week’s episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” offers a heartfelt and inspiring look at the evolving relationship between a father and daughter as they navigate the world of competitive youth sports, college, and life beyond the field. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features David Murray, an acclaimed journalist and author of the new book “,” and his daughter, Scout Murray, who has just wrapped up a successful soccer career at Ohio University. Unconditional Support & Independence One of the episode’s primary themes is the balance between support and independence in parenting. Scout Murray recalls how her dad never pressured her to follow a specific path and always backed whatever passion she pursued. As she puts it, “[My dad] always just made sure I knew that whatever my passion was, he was going to fully support it.” This foundation of acceptance empowered her to chase ambitious goals in soccer—her journey marked by her own drive rather than parental expectations. David Murray admits his lack of soccer expertise helped him stay out of “coach mode” and instead be a true fan and ally, which fostered a safe space for Scout Murray to grow. Perseverance Through Challenges The episode delves deeply into the resilience required to pursue high-level sports, particularly when the journey gets tough. Scout Murray shares powerful stories of long car rides to soccer tryouts, difficult transitions to elite teams, and the emotional strain of not always being a starter. The message? True growth happens when you face setbacks head-on, and finding the strength to persevere means knowing you have supportive people behind you. Honest Communication & Emotional Openness A standout part of David Murray and Scout Murray’s story is their commitment to honesty and vulnerability. They discuss the importance of admitting mistakes, owning up to less-than-perfect parenting moments, and, above all, keeping communication open—even (or especially) in challenging times. As Scout Murray notes, being able to “share everything that was going on” helped keep their relationship strong through ups and downs. Lasting Takeaways Whether you’re a dad, a daughter, or simply someone looking for insights into meaningful relationships, this episode offers encouragement to value presence over perfection and emphasizes that taking your child’s challenges seriously is one of the greatest gifts you can give. Want more of these hard-won life lessons and candid, touching stories? Give this episode a listen—you’ll walk away inspired to build stronger connections with the ones you love. Catch it now on the “Dad and Daughter Connection.” TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I am so excited that you're back with us again this week. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:57]: As always, every week, I love being on this journey with you. As you know, I'm a father of two daughters and this whole podcast was developed for you as someone that is also raising daughters today. And one of the things I love is that every week we can be on this journey together and you can gain something every week to help you to build those stronger connections that you want to have with your daughters. And we do that every week by having opportunities to talk to different people with different experiences that are able to bring those connections to the forefront, whether they're dads, moms, or other individuals that can help you to be that dad that you want to be. And today I'm really excited to be able to have two guests. David Murray and his daughter Scout are here and we're going to be talking about a brand new book that David has out called Soccer Dad. But we're also going to talk about the relationship that the two of them have together. And David is an author of a number of books including Soccer Dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:59]: So he has a number of books that are out there, but he's also an award winning journalist who's writing on sports and other subjects, has appeared in the New York Times, Chicago Tribune, the Atlantic and other publication. And Scout is on her way to graduating from Ohio University after a successful career in soccer at Ohio University. So we're going to be talking about that as well. So I'm really excited to have them both here. David, Scout, thanks so much for being here. Scout Murray [00:02:24]: Thank you. David Murray [00:02:25]: Great to be here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:25]: Well, I'm really excited to have you here today and I always start with these conversations with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into the connections that the two of you have. And I know we're going to dig into that a little bit more in the book, but I guess on the top end, first and foremost, Scout, I'm going to ask a question to you. As you think about the relationship that you've built with your dad, what's one thing that your dad did for you that made you truly feel seen, heard and valued as a daughter? Scout Murray [00:02:54]: I would say he, since I was little, has always made it very clear that there was no pressure from him to do a specific thing. There was nothing that I felt like I had to do to make, like to impress him, I guess I would say. And he always just made sure I knew that whatever I. Whatever my passion was, he was going to fully support it. So I think when it came to soccer, he never told me what I should do, told me how I should go about things. He kind of just like followed my lead, I guess I would say. And I think that always made me feel super comfortable talking to him about anything, really. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:35]: And speaking of that, David, I think every dad tries to help to guide their daughters. And how did you balance guiding Scout while also giving her the independence to grow into the person she's become today? David Murray [00:03:50]: Well, I think one of my qualifications for being a good soccer dad was that I don't know a damn thing about soccer and I never did. So it wasn't like we were in the car and I was giving her all this advice about how she should have played a certain way or certain shot. So I always kind of approached this as kind of a fan. To some extent, I was grateful that she did not play baseball or football or a sport that I even think I understand. So that was, I think, kind of my main qualification as a soccer parent and scout. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:22]: I guess looking back at the relationship you've built thus far as well, was there a moment where your dad's support or guidance really had a significant impact on your growth or your confidence? Scout Murray [00:04:34]: There was one summer that I think stands out to me when we spent the entire summer going on visits. College visits, college soccer visits. Yeah. We would drive somewhere, oftentimes for seven hours. I would sleep the entire time. He would drive me. And I feel like, I mean, I didn't realize it at the time because I think I was extremely self centered. But looking back on that summer, I think that I look back on it a lot and I think it made me realize, like, how much he's willing to put in to show me how supportive he is of my passions and what I want to do. Scout Murray [00:05:10]: So I think that moment is when I was like, okay, if I have this support system behind me, and I really want to do it. I should really just go for it. So I think that's when I really. David Murray [00:05:21]: Realized that that was a hard summer for a number of reasons. And one of the reasons was it is horrible to travel with teenagers. They're either sleep or they're awake, and they're looking at Instagram and dying of fomo. Even though their friends are just kind of hanging out somewhere in Chicago, they're never there with you. And the second they are there with you, they're trying to get you to listen to their music, and you're trying to listen to it and care about it, but you can't quite do it well enough. And it was, like, the longest summer. We were hoping it would be fun. It was not really fun, but it was productive. Scout Murray [00:05:59]: And it's good to look back on. David Murray [00:06:01]: It is fun to look back on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:02]: Yeah. So some of the things you're just talking about, there are finding intentional ways to build those bonds, and you sometimes are forced into those ways, but you also make those as well. So I guess, David, what are some intentional ways that you've worked to strengthen your bond with Scout, even when times might have not been the easiest? Or maybe it was challenging, like a trip where you're not talking a lot, but you're going places. But there's other times, especially in those teenage years. So what are some intentions, Ways that you've done that? David Murray [00:06:34]: I mean, a lot of humor. I think she and I tease each other a lot and always have, and that has kind of never gone away, even in hard times. Just staying engaged, like, talking about everything, asking her about what's going on in her life, being up for hearing most of it. There's stuff, as a dad you don't want to hear a lot of. Like, during high school, there's a lot of social stuff that's uncomfortable to hear about. There was a show that Scout wanted me to watch that was. That was trying to portray. It was a show. David Murray [00:07:04]: What was that show? It was about a high school in New York. Scout Murray [00:07:07]: Oh, yeah. Grand army or something. David Murray [00:07:09]: Grand army or. It was a show like that. And it was about this high school in New York where all these terrible things were happening. It was just high school society. And she said, you got to watch this, dad. You got to watch this to understand what this is like. And I was like, I hate this show. I. David Murray [00:07:23]: And I watched four episodes and that as far as I could go. But I did watch the four. It was like shaving my head with a cheese Grater. Because it's just really hard. And I think about my parents. They were great parents, but they weren't getting down in there and engaging in ways like that. I had no company like that. Scout Murray [00:07:39]: I do think we, even during hard times, are, like, very honest. And I think part of that is just, I'm an open book. I don't keep things in well. So I think instead of just acting out, I would act out and then be like, this is why I acted out. And we talk about it the next day. There was never a fight that wasn't talked about. I feel like if something happened, it was, well, this clearly needs to be talked about. So I think just, like, honesty and trying to just, like, share everything that was going on. David Murray [00:08:09]: So you're taking credit for our wonderful. Scout Murray [00:08:10]: I am. My openness. David Murray [00:08:12]: I actually think that's true. I think there have been times where I've wished she would gild the lily a little bit and not tell me everything that's going on, but not so much. I mean, in the book. And the college experience was really interesting to me when I went off to college. And you might relate to this, too. I don't think I talked to my parents until Thanksgiving, and then I don't think I talked to them again until spring break. I mean, you'd had to go down the hall and call on the payphone and call. I mean, Scout would facetime me after practice on the way to class, and it was just no big deal. David Murray [00:08:42]: It wasn't a show she was putting on. She was like, I had a bad practice, or I had a great practice, or, we were up way too late last night. And so. And we were always talking about this. In the book, I talk about, you know. You know, where my dad was during this time in his life. He was marching to Berlin in World War II. And I said, like, I wonder what his parents would have done if they'd had the same communications. David Murray [00:09:04]: And they probably would have been sending him nice text messages about his march, wishing him well on his march to Berlin. It's a different time, but it's the technology, which we complain about a lot, which has ruined a lot of things, has made this kind of communication a lot more natural and easy. When we talk to our parents once every couple months, even if it's once a week, you were kind of putting on a show for him. You were telling him everything was all right. You were telling them you were getting good grades. And when it's. When it's daily like that, you can kind of maintain a More human, easygoing relationship, Definitely. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:35]: Now, Scout, one of the things, I guess, that I'm interested in is the relationship with your dad. And how does that relationship influence the way that you navigate life, relationships, or challenges that you deal with? Scout Murray [00:09:47]: Yeah, I think I've actually talked about this with my friends because I think a big thing in this. I see it a lot on social media is, like, if a woman has had a bad relationship with their father, they have a really hard time navigating relationships, especially, like, romantic relationships. And I think. I mean, he is just, like, set the expectation of, like, how a man should treat anyone, like, let alone women. And I think I've, like, taken that very seriously. And he always jokes about he's not the kind of dad that is, like, super mean and scary to any boyfriend I bring home, which I think is a good thing. But, yeah, just like, you don't need to be. I don't think. Scout Murray [00:10:33]: I think I view men differently because of him. You don't need to be this extremely strong, masculine, crazy man. Like, you can just be a normal human being and emotional and kind. David Murray [00:10:47]: And so I think I'm a big crybaby. Scout Murray [00:10:49]: Yeah, he's a crybaby. So I think it's okay for men to. David Murray [00:10:53]: I loved your episode not long ago that it's okay for dads to make mistakes and admit it, that one Scout does not need to listen to. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:00]: She. David Murray [00:11:01]: I know that we get that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:03]: Speaking of mistakes there, David, I guess as you think about your relationship and how you've built that, what's a mistake that you've made as a father, and what did you learn about it or learn from it about fostering better communication with Scout? David Murray [00:11:17]: Well, I talk a lot in the book about that as a soccer parent, but I think this is completely universally true. I think the fundamental problem of being a parent is you have two instincts, two things you need to do. You need to keep this kid alive. And in that way, you need to protect them and guide them and make sure they go in the right direction. But you also need to show this kid how to live, which means you let him do stuff. They do stuff. They make mistakes, they screw up. And in, you know, in soccer, that means, you know, not telling them. David Murray [00:11:46]: You got to play on this team. You got to do this. You got to apply to this school. This is your life. Like, a lot of parents get really prescriptive, and they start pushing their kids in directions and to the point where the kid must start wondering, am I doing this for them or for me? I made Mistakes on the other side, at least in soccer, I don't know about it. In life, I let it all play out. I figured if she was talented enough and wanted it enough, it would happen for her. That turned out to be basically incorrect. David Murray [00:12:16]: And we. And there were. There was a moment where she had to go up to a higher league. And that might have happened a year before had I been a little bit more on the ball. And I basically feel like I was lazy about that. But you make mistakes on each side of that equation. I think a lot. And I think the parents who in general figure out how much freedom to give and how much guidance to give, I think. David Murray [00:12:38]: And I think that's a daily agonizing problem for every parent all the time. And I think I've done a decent job at that most of the time. But when I've made mistakes, I've made mistakes by being lazy. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:48]: I think let's move over to the book too, because you started talking about that. And one of the things that I noticed early on in the book was that you describe the soccer journey as starting innocently enough and something and then slowly becoming something far more consuming. So I guess looking back together now for both of you, when do each of you think the dream subtly shifted into something heavier? And did you realize it at the same moment or at different times? Scout Murray [00:13:15]: It's kind of a confusing story because I think if you asked me when I was seven what I wanted to do, I would say be a professional soccer player. I was very committed from an early. I mean, he still says I never, ever would have missed a soccer practice, ever. And it wasn't because I felt guilty. It was just because I genuinely loved soccer more than anything. And the soccer setting in Chicago is very interesting because it's not super, super high level inside the city. So I think I just was like, if I'm playing on a decent team and I'm the best player and I love all my teammates, I'm gonna play at a super high level. Like, I had never been told otherwise. Scout Murray [00:14:00]: That's just kind of what everyone. I was known as the SOCCE player. I made varsity as a freshman at my high school. Everything was going. Seemed to be like, going great. And then right about when Covid hit, I started training with a new trainer. And he basically was like, if you don't get better, you're not going to play D1 soccer. Like, let alone the top schools, you're not going to play D1 soccer. Scout Murray [00:14:23]: And that was a wake up call for sure. And I just Decided. I remember, like, I think I just one day was like, I need to change clubs. And I just decided, like, I need to step it up. Like, I just know I do. So we tried out for the best team in the state. And that was a terrible wake up call. I mean, so many tears. Scout Murray [00:14:42]: Yeah, it was a terrible. So I think in that moment was when we both were like, oh, yeah. David Murray [00:14:49]: There'S a scene in the book where she shows up at this tryout, and it is the best team in the state and maybe in the nation at that time. And so I was there with her. What we both saw, we were unprepared for it. And there was crying all the way home by her and silenced by me because I had nothing to say at that point. She had to switch clubs, and she had just gotten her driver's license. And now she's driving herself to an hour north of town for this soccer, for this torturous, incredibly hard, not very nice people around this team soccer. And she cried all the way up half the time, and she cried all the way back half the time, but she did it. Scout Murray [00:15:27]: But that. I think that is when, like, we both realized. It wasn't even a question whether I was gonna do it either. I had a tissue box in the passenger seat and... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/39550195

How Dads Can Be a Calming Presence for Their Daughters in a Stressful World 12/29/2025

How Dads Can Be a Calming Presence for Their Daughters in a Stressful World If you’re a father seeking practical wisdom to nurture your connection with your daughter, this week’s episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection is exactly what you need. Host welcomes psychologist and author to dive deep into what it really means to support your daughter through today’s unique pressures and challenges. The conversation kicks off with stories from Dr. Wu’s own girlhood—memories not marked by grand gestures, but by the steadfast presence of her dad. As Dr. Wu puts it, feeling seen and valued came from her father’s “indelible capacity to just always be present.” This consistent support gave her the freedom to explore life, make mistakes, and develop the confidence to always figure things out. But presence is only one part of the equation. As today’s teens grow up surrounded by social media pressures, perfectionism, and chronic stress, Dr. Wu's new book, , provides evidence-based tools for building emotional resilience. The episode highlights that kids don’t learn self-regulation or coping from lectures—they learn it from relationship. Regular, everyday moments—sharing a meal, taking a walk, or simply listening—are where trust is built and emotional intelligence flourishes. A recurring theme is patience. Dr. Wu emphasizes that supporting your daughter isn’t about fixing her problems or making her perfect. Instead, model emotional honesty, validate her experiences, and collaborate. Whether it’s managing big emotions or navigating anxiety, being physically and emotionally present is more valuable than having the right answers. Self-compassion also takes center stage. Dr. Kathy Wu reminds dads that there’s no formula for “doing it right.” Each father-daughter relationship is unique. It’s about understanding, consistency, and unconditional regard—being a grounding presence in your daughter’s life. Perhaps the most powerful takeaway? “Your daughter doesn’t need your perfection—she needs your presence.” This episode is packed with heartfelt stories, expert advice, and concrete strategies that every dad can use right away. If you care about raising confident, independent daughters, don’t miss it. Tune in to the Dad and Daughter Connection and start building that lifelong bond today! If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I am so excited that you are back again this week because every week you, you and I are on a journey together. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:00]: We're on a journey as we are working together to be able to find the best way to be able to build those strong relationships, those strong connections that we want to have with our own daughters. And today on the dad and Daughter Connection, we're diving into a topic that every dad needs in his toolkit. How to support daughters growing up in a world full of pressure, stress, and constant change. Today Our guest is Dr. Cathy Wu. She's a licensed psychologist, a former professor, and the author of a new book called the Self Regulation Handbook for Teens and Young Adults. Her work is trauma informed, practical and compassion based, giving you real tools to help help your kids navigate anxiety, emotional disconnection, perfectionism, social pressure, and all of that turbulence that ends up happening during those years that they're growing up. I, I really love the fact, as I was reading it myself, that this book is really grounded in evidence based approaches and is written in a way that you can understand, but actually your teens can actually understand. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:08]: And it's written in a way that your teens would actually read. So for me, that's a positive because you never know what they're going to read. But the book itself has a ton of real life scenarios on topics that kids are dealing with. Things like calming skills and strategies to help young people build resilience, confidence and emotional self regulation. So I'm really excited to have Kathy here today for her to be able to share with you not only some of her own experience in being a daughter, but also some of the experiences from being a, from being a psychologist and from what she put out into the world through this new book. Dr. Wu, thanks so much for being here today. Dr. Kathy Wu [00:02:48]: Thank you so much. That was such a lovely Introduction. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:51]: I really appreciate you being here. As I mentioned, you are a daughter, and I love being able to kind of delve a little bit deeper into your own relationship with your father because that can help to better understand who you are today. So I guess one thing that I'd love to ask you about is what's one thing that your father did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter? Grant Voisinet [00:03:15]: I can't say that there was one thing, but I think through the combination of his capacity to be very practical as a dad of not just one daughter, but three daughters and a son, he was someone who we didn't necessarily run to when we had distress, but we always knew he was going to be there in the sense that he was very predictable, very consistent and persistent with his presence. He didn't always have the best things to say or the most profound things to say, but he very much was always a present figure. It did help that we had a family business and we all sort of worked together as well. But I think for my sense of feeling seen, it was just his indelible capacity to just always be present and. And I think that really gave me the sense that I was going to be okay if there was anything that I needed to feel his support around. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:10]: Thinking back, was there a moment where your dad's support or guidance truly had a significant impact on your own growth or confidence? Grant Voisinet [00:04:18]: Yeah, again, multitudes. I think there's been a lot of moments where I've gone to him and wondered, what am I going to with my life? How can I sort of navigate through some of the challenges? And he always said something that resonated and I believed, and that was, I trust you to figure it out. And that sort of capacity to trust me and his moment of going, well, Kathy, I've never had to worry about you. I've never had to stay up late at night wondering what you'll end up doing or how you'll navigate your choices in life. I just. You're not someone I necessarily worry about. And that gave me so much of a sense of freedom to be able to explore. Yes, I've had quite a few different sort of stops and starts with regards to career paths and such, but he always knew that. Grant Voisinet [00:05:07]: I think, and I truly do sort of credit him to this, is that I will figure it out. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:12]: How has your relationship with your father influenced the way that now you feel like you navigate life, relationships or challenges? Grant Voisinet [00:05:21]: He never really had big emotions anytime when I was seeing him with his. His own challenges, either through his relationship with my mom, who's a lot more vocal and emotionally expressive. He always just seemed so even keeled. And I think that really did sort of set the stage and model for me that my first response shouldn't be through just shouting or yelling or throwing things or blaming or. Or not taking full stock of what's happening. So he was very well measured. I don't know where he got it from, but he had the capacity and he has. He still does have the capacity, sort of sit in that space. Grant Voisinet [00:05:58]: He's not a man of many words, truly. You can sit in the car with him for miles and miles and he'll say really very little. But when the time came for him to respond, it's sort of. He had the capacity to just sort of be very wise with his sort of conceptions of what the issue might be, but never ever said things like, I think you should do this. He'll sometimes say, ask your mom what she thinks. But really, it was just. Just lots of reassurance that things will be okay. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:27]: Is there anything that you wish that your father had done differently when it came to building your relationship as a homeowner? Grant Voisinet [00:06:33]: Now I have a lot of sort of little projects that I have to do around the house, and it's something that I felt like I was able to kind of see him experiment with and he was able to just fix things and be a handyman. And as a result, I've gained some bit of a confidence and be able to try things myself. But one example comes to mind, and that was during my postdoctoral training. I was on the way to this day treatment program where I was working, and I got a flat on my car and I didn't know what to do because I never learned to switch my tires out. But I was able to call on to two of my colleagues, co interns, and they rolled their sleeves up and they were able to go in and switch out the nuts and the bolts and get it all done. And in that moment, while I was so grateful for their help, I was going, well, how come dad never asked, never taught me this? So he didn't really intentionally seek out to teach me any skills. It was all sort of through osmosis or through observations. And I do wish that at times that he had looked to, hey, what are Kathy's capabilities? And to be able to do a little more guiding and showing as opposed to me just sort of learning through observation. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:47]: If you could spend an entire day with your dad doing anything, what would it look like? Grant Voisinet [00:07:52]: I think it would just be taking a walk, having a good meal, perhaps doing something a little bit more passive. Because I don't necessarily look to him to sort of have these moments where he is wanting to teach a lesson or talk about himself actually. So so much of it is just very quiet with him and just his presence is enough for me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:13]: Now I mentioned you've got a new book, the Self Regulation Handbook for Teens and Young Adults. And I guess first and foremost, before I get into the meat of the book and some of the things that I noticed as a author myself, I know the amount of time, effort, passion you have to have to get to the finish and getting this out into the world. So talk to me about what led you to decide to take that jump, to jump in and to put in that time, effort and passion into creating this and putting it out into the world. Grant Voisinet [00:08:42]: I think I did it out of practicality, to be honest, Chris, and that is I found that I have compiled all of this knowledge and all of these tools, but really didn't have like a centralized place to direct some of my clients to or to be able to even organize my own thoughts. Sometimes as we sort of pick up new skill sets and knowledge, they come in a more or less a haphazardous way, right? Yes, we do sort of intentionally seek out knowledge, but sometimes they're very much just sort of shoved into different file cabinets in our brains. And so this was an opportunity, I thought, for me to organize everything around a central theme, but to also be able to tell a client, hey, this thing we just talked about in session today, I really like for you to learn a little bit more about it or if you're curious about other things related, here is this toolkit and it's packed chock full of really practical skills, as you have mentioned before. And I think they're good to have as just a reference on a coffee table, for instance, so that you really begin to activate and use and repeat. So that becomes secondary skills for a person. And so yeah, I was born out of necessity and practicality, really. And it's also nice to be able to get back to sort of the academic brain, which I left a couple of years ago in pursuit of more robust clinical practice. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:01]: In your book you talk about teens growing up in a world of chronic trauma. Everything from political upheaval to social media pressures, I guess, for dads listening who want to be a calming presence instead of another source of overwhelm. What does showing up as a trauma informed parent actually look like in everyday moments? Grant Voisinet [00:10:23]: I think when showing up for a child, it's less about big moments, it's more about everyday consistency. So I really think that being able to respond to the small stuff. The Gottman Institute, who talks about relationships and intimacy building, right. That the. But in sort of a context of family or a romantic partnership, really draws on this idea of emotional connection and bids that I think is applicable for adult parents and children. So when your daughter tells you maybe a random story from her day, treat it like a window into her world. And those moments really count and allow for the development of trust and allowing for the daughter to be able to talk about bigger things with you when those moments come. I think doing things together certainly is really helpful. Grant Voisinet [00:11:08]: So share activities, cooking, hiking, walking, fixing things, as I mentioned, really create a natural space for conversation and connection. And what we know is that studies have shown that shared experiences are one of the strongest predictors of closeness. And then finally, if I had to just say one more thing, and it is really model emotional regulation and emotional honesty. And when dads show that they are okay with expressing sort of feelings of frustration, nervousness, pride, daughters, they learn how to emotionally identify as well as be able to regulate from that. So you're really teaching her how to handle life just by being real and being honest and being responsive and sort of holistic in how it is that they're navigating the world. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:55]: Another powerful idea from the book is that self regulation is like a superhero skill. What are some ways fathers can help their daughters build that skill? Especially if they struggle with big emotions, anxiety, or shutting down? Grant Voisinet [00:12:11]: I think this is something that perhaps as I'm thinking more about my own relationship with my father is just the patience. I think that the patience that he was able to show, and I think that more fathers can show, can really allow for a daughter or child to not feel judged based on whatever experiences that they're having or having challenges with. So in order for them to have the capacity to problem solve, right. It's that space gives them enough time to be able to conjure up their own inner strength, to be able to work through some of the challenges. So it's not about helping them resolve a problem, it's about guiding them along the way and again, reinforcing this idea of autonomous decision making and problem solving. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]: You know, a lot of dads say that they want their daughter to talk to them, but that she just won't open up. Based on your work with emotional disconnections, what advice would you give the dads trying to help their daughters feel seen, safe and Understood without pushing too hard. Grant Voisinet [00:13:12]: I think that when it comes to feeling seen, it's ultimately helping a daughter feel that their capacity to sort of taking the world is one that is valid and that is under development and really being able to see that they'll need to get be perfect at resolving any conflicts or issues and they don't have to have the perfect words to describe what is going on makes a huge difference. And so what we really want to help dads understand about their daughters is that they're looking for you to be there to sort of have this sense of grounding, that no matter what happens when they are out in the world, the dad or the parental figure will still have this unconditional regard for them. So it's not about just pushing for them to talk because they do need space, especially during the adolescent years, to sort of experiment and seek out new novelty and experiences, but really to feel that when they come home to you, come home, that you'll always be consistent. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:17]: I love that The. I love the fact that your book blends both humor, compassion, and psychology in a way that I could relate to, but also I could tell that that teens could relate to. How can dads use the same approach with practical skills, you know, not lecturing or passing on judgment to help their daughters navigate through emotions like perfectionism or burnout or comparison. Grant Voisinet [00:14:42]: I think that the reason why perhaps my book feels effective as well as the ways I navigate my client relationships feel really effective, is that I show up as myself. I'm not coming in with any sort of pretenses. I'm not using necessarily jargon because I think they think I will be cool. I think I show up and really I affirm their effort. I affirm their character. I don't look at just their sort of grade or what have you, right? So I really sort of value and respect and honor their presence. And I think fathers can definitely do the same with their daughter. That, with that said, you know, don't necessarily leave out the. Grant Voisinet [00:15:20]: The dad jokes and, and all of that. Be yourself. And if you're going to be a little goofy or unsure, it's okay. I mean, your daughter might sort of roll their eyes and not again, but deep down they understand that you're trying. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:33]: Another thing that you talk about in the book is the importance of self compassion. Many dads struggle with wanting their daughters to be strong while not being overwhelmed. How can fathers model self compassion in a way their daughters will actually learn from? Grant Voisinet [00:15:50]: One thing that I want to remind the parents of daughters that I'm working with are teen daughters in particular is this is all new. It's new for you, it's new for them. And there's no right or wrong way to go about it. It's what's right for you and your child. And I think sometimes parents have a sense that they are doing it wrong, but the person to really judge that is your daughter and yourself in a way that doesn't necessarily factor in societal expectations as heavily. So I think it's really important for parents to see that there's not sort of a one side size fits all approach. It's really about what works for you and your family. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:31]: You talk about grounding mindfulness and coping routines that teens can use when emotions get intense. Because let's be honest, they can get intense. If a dad noticed his daughter is anxious or spiraling or overstimulated, what's a supportive response or even a simple script that he could use in... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/39308915

Parenting with Purpose: Building Stronger Bonds with Your Daughter 12/22/2025

Parenting with Purpose: Building Stronger Bonds with Your Daughter What does it mean to be fully present for your daughter? In the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, host sits down with , author of , to explore the art and heart of intentional, love-centered fatherhood. If you want practical insights, real stories, and meaningful encouragement for nurturing your most important relationship, this episode is for you. Mark reigns as the perfect guest, bringing not just expertise—he’s the father of two daughters—but also vulnerability and wisdom from his personal journey. His story of supporting his daughter Emma through a multi-year struggle with chronic headaches and migraines is deeply moving. Through overwhelming medical challenges, Mark witnessed Emma’s resilience and learned the profound impact a father’s presence and support can make. Moments of victory, like the day her headaches disappeared, offer hope and inspiration for any parent facing adversity. The episode’s main theme is clear: wellness is not a luxury—it’s a responsibility. Drawing from his book, Mark emphasizes that love is “the north star” of wellness for dads. He shares honest lessons learned, admitting mistakes like being overbearing in sports and how tuning in to your daughter's interests, at her pace, creates deeper bonds. This is connection not as a grand gesture but as a daily practice—being present, listening, showing up for games, carving out one-on-one time, and evolving alongside your daughter. Dr. Christopher Lewis and Mark discuss responding to your daughter’s stress and imperfection with compassion, modeling vulnerability, and reframing setbacks as opportunities. Mark’s “accept, frame, respond” model from his book is a powerful tool for helping daughters build lifelong resilience and self-compassion. Another gem from this episode is applying the 80/20 rule: focus on the vital few actions that make the biggest difference in connection, knowing every child’s needs are unique. This conversation isn’t obsessed with perfection—it’s grounded in love and presence. As Mark Reinisch says, “Connection will evolve as you both grow, but nurture it, and love will always be there.” Whether you’re a seasoned dad or just starting out, these lessons will change how you show up for your daughter—and for yourself. Listen now to the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast and start building stronger bonds today! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to work together to welcome on this journey that we're on with our own daughters. And today on the dad and Daughter Connection, we're driving into a conversation every father should hear. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]: Our guest is Mark Reinish, author of a new book called the Wellness Ethic. It's a thoughtful and often humorous guide to living a more intentional, joyful and love centered life. In his book, Mark introduces concepts like the Wellness Ethic, which is a valued centered devotion to wellness, and the idea of the self actualized genius, which is that inner voice that encourages us to be our best self. So throughout the book, I really love the fact that he blended personal stories, self reflection, mindset tools and the 8020 rule to make wellness accessible and realistic. And he brings a perspective that matters to this show specifically because he's a father of two daughters himself. So today we're going to be talking about his own journey as a father, but also we'll be talking about some of the things that he learned in writing this book and some of the connections between being a father and what he was sharing in this book for you. In reading the book myself and looking through the book myself, Mark's goal is simple nurture the wonderful gift of our existence and help others do the same. So I'm really excited to have him here to talk to him about both these aspects and to introduce him to you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:30]: Mark, thanks so much for being here today. Mark Reinisch [00:02:32]: Oh, thank you for having me. Looking forward to it. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:34]: Well, I'm really excited to be able to talk to you and I know as I just mentioned and, and I know in our conversations you have two daughters yourself and I've got two daughters myself. I and I love being able to start the show really delving a little bit into that and talking about that, that, that bond that Those connections that we have with our daughters. And I guess, first and foremost, I know there probably has been many meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughters, but think about what's one meaningful moment that really stands out to you and what made it so special. Mark Reinisch [00:03:07]: I, of course, love my two children dearly. One is 31, Audrey. And then the other is 24, Emma. One experience that I'll point out that I write about extensively in the book was with Emma and she was a high school freshman and she started to have shoulder issues and she had to give up her rowing career because she ended up having shoulder surgery. And we thought, okay, we'll get that fixed and then she'll move on. But then more pain started to occur and then she ended up breaking her ankle at the end of her freshman year because she was going to start getting into cross country running. And so she had put that on hold. Then we were starting to plan once she recovers from that, well, maybe you won't be running soon, but we'll start riding our bikes because we shared a lot of activities. Mark Reinisch [00:04:01]: I've always done that with both of my children. And then at the beginning of her sophomore year, she started to get these horrific headaches, basically a level four to six nonstop. And then she started to get migraines. And this was every single minute of every single day. So that continued. We went to every doctor imaginable and it got to the point after a couple months of literally non stop pain that she had to be pulled from school. And this was pre pandemic. So it was a paradigm shift for, for us. Mark Reinisch [00:04:34]: And to make a long story short, it ended up being a two and a half year ordeal where every single minute of every single day she had a headache at the level of a four to six. And then five to seven times a day she would get a migraine that would jack up the pain to an 8 to 10 level. So witnessing that happen to her, but then seeing how she never gave up on life, the resilience to overcome that pain and do her darn, to live her life and find meaning, be involved in school activities even though she was homeschool, she still in clubs, and to be fully engaged in trying to exercise and to try to find meaning and joy, it was incredibly inspirational. But going back to your question, Chris, the moment when she started to take Botox, that started to control the migraines better. And then she, the doctor prescribed this muscle relaxant that started to reduce the level of her headaches, but she still had a level three to five headache every single minute of every single day. So it didn't resolve all of it. But then she took this extended version of Flexor all, which was the muscle relaxant, and that miraculously wiped out the headache altogether. And the moment she took it, she didn't tell us anything about it. Mark Reinisch [00:06:03]: And for a couple of days, she would not respond to us when we asked, well, is it working? And then after around three days, she told us that the headache was completely gone. She had gone a full day, couple days without any pain after two and a half years. And I'm getting goosebumps even talking about it that moment. Good Lord. Wow. My wife and I will never forget that. It was like a massive ray of sunshine about life's possibilities again for her. So very magical moment because as a father, as you know, as a parent, in a way, you may live through your children, you'll suffer any pain yourself if you can relieve any suffering for them. Mark Reinisch [00:06:47]: So for. For that miracle to happen was quite amazing. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:51]: That's an amazing story. And it really shows also some of the things that we deal with as fathers in regards to really hearing and being present for your daughters when they truly need you and even when they don't need. And I guess as I think about what you just said and talking about that intentionality with both of your daughters, what did you do in the past or even now to truly make your daughter feel valued and heard? Mark Reinisch [00:07:21]: A whole bunch of things. One thing I would mention is being very careful not to have them live your dreams and your vision for their life. One of the things that really surprised me with my children is I expected the second one, Emma, to be just like the first one. So the oldest, Audrey, was very personable, athletic, very creative, and she was going down a certain path. And I expected Emma to be a carbon copy. Same parenting style, but they had some similar interests, but very divergent interests. And what I was very careful about is not try to try to shape them in my image other than teaching values, you know, really emphasizing character, challenging them in a way. Actually, that was a common approach with both of my children to help them build a strong moral and growth foundation, but really be in tune with what they're interested in, what they're curious about, what they want to be challenged with. Mark Reinisch [00:08:26]: And then once they show an interest in something, how can we double down and triple down and find a way to support that and stretch our means wherever possible to help provide opportunities. So an example, my oldest daughter started to play soccer, and it was many years after her friends had started, so she was behind. But she had a dream to play in high school and really have fun with the sport. So we hired a coach to help skill up. She joined club soccer and all that, But I also would spend weekends at the field running soccer drills, trying not to overwhelm her. But hey, if you want to get better, I'll try to coach you and do basic things to try to improve her skills. Even though I've never played soccer, never really even loved the sport, but now I love the sport because she loved the sport. So being in tune with their needs and helping them and coaching them to get the most out of, you know, their dreams, I can tell just by. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:32]: What you're saying that you're definitely in the weeds. You're involved, you've been involved through their lives and you've made those intentional decisions to be able to help them to become the women that they've become in their lives. And I guess none of us are fallible, though, and we all make mistakes as fathers. So what's a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it about building a either more positive connection or a stronger bond with your daughters in the end? Mark Reinisch [00:10:02]: One example, it's sports related. Again, not everything was sports related. But my youngest daughter took an interest in basketball probably when she was five or six years old, and she just had a natural ability with it. And I've always played basketball ever since I was little. So that was my sport the moment she became interested in it. All right, I'm all in on that. So I became a coach during the summer league and would coach her there. But then this was unlike soccer, with basketball, I have a laundry list of really good drills that are going to build skills. Mark Reinisch [00:10:37]: Dribbling, shooting, the strategy of the game. I just love the sport. So here's this 6,78-year-old girl who expressed some interest in basketball. Amazing ability. Now you have an overbearing father who's trying to teach her everything I know about this sport, even offering, hey, if you want to before school starts, let's do some things because you say you really want to be great at this, well, I can help you get there. And I overwhelmed her and turned her off on the sport where she lost interest and moved on. And it was because I was overbearing. I learned very valuable lesson. Mark Reinisch [00:11:16]: So the next thing that she was interested in, I would nurture that. I would coach her, but I would be much more in tune with where she wants to go at the pace that she wants to go. And that was incredibly valuable to her. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:30]: In that I mentioned at the beginning that you have a new book called the Wellness Ethic. And in your book, your book says the meaning of life and the north star of the Wellness Ethic is love. For dads. What does it look like to build a relationship with your daughters where love isn't just a feeling but a daily practice? Mark Reinisch [00:11:51]: I think at the heart of it is engagement on their terms. So it's multifaceted, it's being involved and present in their life to the best of your ability because you know things can be hectic, you have a lot of other priorities, but every day it's finding that connection. So some examples could be. And I write about it this in the book. I've always had to work full time and I always viewed it as a job and a half, whether it's traveling, overtime, weekend work. But on the side, I always had side hustles because I was pursuing my dreams as well. So that would be writing a book that took six years, 20 plus hours a week. I launched a social media startup, did that for four years with a co founder, ended up selling that and wrote a dozen screenplays. Mark Reinisch [00:12:46]: So I've always been very active on the side. But despite that, the priority was if they have a game, I'm there. We made my wife and I a sacrifice where she wanted to be a stay at home mom. So we found the financial means to be able to do that. And I would carve out time on weekends to go out to lunch with one of the children, one on one and just connect. So it was really finding that quality time or it was coaching them or it could be they wrote a paper for school and they wanted my perspective on it, so I would review it and work with them on creative writing. Even with my social media startup, I gave them a percentage or 2 of the net worth of the company. Not just because I love them, but because they actually played a role in it. Mark Reinisch [00:13:38]: They would give feedback on screen designs, they would even design some screens in our try to incorporate some of those aspects into the web design. They would test things, they would post things, use it so they, they were actually legitimately involved in it. So I would find ways to try to involve them in some of the things that I was leading. So it's being very intentional to find ways to connect on their terms, involve them in, in your life and gauge how that's working, is it well balanced? And if you notice a deficit, you gotta reengage and go be because maintaining that connection is so Vital. And that was a big part of my life purpose. So it came naturally. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:23]: Now also in your book you talk about the self actualized genius, that internal guiding force and that encourages us to live as our best, healthiest selves. How can a dad act from his self actualized genius when his daughter is upset, stressed or melting down rather than reacting in frustration, anger or shutting down? Mark Reinisch [00:14:48]: Yeah, the book really is a guide to nurturing the wonderful gift of your existence, to getting the most out of your life, building a healthy mindset. And it's all gearing a person up. So you get to the point where you don't react so much to what's happening around you, but you choose your response, you're intentional, the decisions you make. Because at the end of the day there's really just two things you control in life. That is your mindset in the moment. So you can choose to be happy, you can choose to be angry, you can choose to be peaceful, controlled. And the second thing you can always choose is your response to what happens to you. So if you have an angry child who's very upset, you could react, yell, worsen the situation, you could walk away, that could be your reaction. Mark Reinisch [00:15:37]: Or you can with, with calmness, as much as possible you can choose a response that's going to help diffuse the situation, look at the big picture and help guide that interaction to a better place. And that all starts with your mindset and that the control you have over how you respond. Then on top of that, Chris, if you really practice some of the principles that I talk about that really defines a self actualized genius, one of the overarching principles, and it ties back to the meaning of, of life, which is to feel and share love. If you take a love centered approach to what's happening around you, if you lead with love, as I talk about in my book the Wellness Ethic, then you're going to approach that situation not from anger yourself, not in a punitive way necessarily, but you're going to approach it through love. And you're going to try to guide your child in a direction that's going to promote love in their life as well. Easier said than done. But if you have that focus, you're going to find that you get better and better at it and your child is learning in the process as well and is seeing a very positive way on how you can deal with conflict. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:57]: So true. And I've seen it in many ways in my own kids lives and the way that I act or react to situations. So and I think that Leads to another point that I noted in your book, which I felt that a powerful part of the book talks about kind of what you were just talking about, that we have to respond to our kids in different ways and the idea of responding perfectly to the imperfect so often rules our life. Dads are like any other humans that are out there and we get things wrong, whether that's through discipline, communication, work, life balance. How do you feel that fathers can model imperfection in a healthy way so that their daughters learn self compassion instead of fear of failure? Mark Reinisch [00:17:41]: It's being vulnerable yourself. It's talking about the challenges in your life and how you're dealing with them. It's helping them put in perspective the challenges they have and the mistakes they have. It's not overreacting to when they do something wrong. And it starts with yourself. So if one of my children does something wrong, even today I really have tried to train my mind to think in terms terms of, okay, well yeah, that was imperfect behavior. I wish they hadn't done that. However, none of us are perfect. Mark Reinisch [00:18:15]: I've made plenty of mistakes. Show some compassion and focus more on the positive. Well, there's a whole lot to be grateful for because that child of mine is so smart, so compassionate, such a good person, has done wonderful in school, is well intentioned and she may have fallen short in this case but in the big picture she'll learn from it. Not the end of the world. And when you come from it from that perspective, it really can be a game changer and a big part of this. Kristen it's going... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/39308875

Why Teaching Your Daughter Financial Literacy Starts Early 12/15/2025

Why Teaching Your Daughter Financial Literacy Starts Early Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, where in just five minutes, we give you simple, powerful ways to connect with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, capable young woman. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about a life skill that often gets overlooked but has a lifelong impact: financial literacy. Here’s the truth: money habits start young. And as a dad, you have a huge opportunity to shape how your daughter thinks about money—how she earns it, saves it, spends it, and shares it. And no, she doesn’t need to wait until high school economics or her first paycheck to start learning. She can start right now—and so can you. Why Financial Literacy Matters (Especially for Girls) We teach our daughters how to read, how to tie their shoes, how to be kind—but too often, we skip over how to handle money. And yet, money touches nearly every part of adult life: 💵 Making choices 💳 Building independence 🏠 Planning for the future 🎯 Setting goals Girls who learn early are more likely to feel confident, empowered, and in control of their futures. And let’s be honest—you want her to know how to manage her money before someone else tries to manage it for her. Three Simple Ways to Start Teaching Money Skills Early 1. Give Her Real-World Practice Even young kids can understand the basics of spending, saving, and giving—if we give them opportunities to practice. ✅ Use a jar system or a simple app: one jar for saving, one for spending, and one for giving. ✅ When she earns or receives money, help her decide where each dollar goes. ✅ Take her shopping and talk about prices, choices, and value. Let her make small decisions now so she can make better big decisions later. 2. Talk About Money Out Loud Most of us were raised to treat money like a private, sometimes awkward topic. But if we want our daughters to grow up confident, we need to normalize the conversation. ✅ Say things like: “This is why we’re saving for vacation instead of eating out tonight.” ✅ Talk through your budget: “We’re choosing this item because it fits our budget.” ✅ Let her help plan: “We’ve got $20 for this birthday gift—how can we make it special?” The more she hears you think out loud, the more she learns that money isn’t scary—it’s something she can handle. 3. Teach the Difference Between Needs and Wants It sounds basic, but it’s huge. Especially in a world where ads, influencers, and social media blur the line. ✅ At the store, ask: “Do we need this, or do we just want it?” ✅ Involve her in choices: “We could buy this now, or save for something bigger later—what do you think?” ✅ Celebrate when she makes thoughtful decisions, not just thrifty ones. This builds decision-making, discipline, and delayed gratification—which are key financial life skills. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: Today, include your daughter in one small money decision. ✅ Let her help compare prices at the store. ✅ Ask how she’d split $10 between saving, spending, and giving. ✅ Talk about a financial goal you’re working toward—and ask if she has one too. Even a two-minute conversation can plant a seed. And over time, those seeds grow into financial confidence, independence, and strength. That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this helped you see money as more than math—if it reminded you that raising a strong daughter means teaching her how to manage her own future—send it to another dad who’s ready to do the same. Until next time—keep showing up, keep talking openly, and keep raising a girl who knows her worth and how to manage it. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38874365

Why Admitting When You’re Wrong Strengthens Your Relationship 12/08/2025

Why Admitting When You’re Wrong Strengthens Your Relationship Hey dads! Welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, your quick, practical guide to building a stronger bond with your daughter—one honest, intentional moment at a time. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about a powerful but often uncomfortable truth: why admitting when you’re wrong actually strengthens your relationship with your daughter. We’re dads. We want to protect, guide, and lead. And sometimes—whether out of pride, stress, or habit—we act like we always need to have it all together. But here’s the thing: your daughter doesn’t need you to be perfect. She needs you to be real. So in the next five minutes, I’ll share why admitting your mistakes builds trust, how to do it without undermining your role as a parent, and what it teaches your daughter about confidence, humility, and respect. Why Owning Your Mistakes Matters When you admit you were wrong, you’re showing your daughter that: ✅ It’s okay to be human. ✅ You value honesty over ego. ✅ Respect is a two-way street. And most importantly, you’re teaching her that accountability is a strength—not a weakness. Because one day, she’ll make a mistake. And what you’ve modeled will shape how she responds to it. What Happens When We Pretend We’re Always Right? ❌ It creates distance. ❌ It teaches her that making a mistake means losing worth. ❌ It can leave her feeling dismissed, unheard, or frustrated. But when we say something as simple as, “I was wrong, and I’m sorry,” something amazing happens—walls come down, and trust goes up. 3 Practical Ways to Own Your Mistakes as a Dad 1. Call It Out Clearly Don’t bury your apology in excuses. Keep it simple and direct. ✅ “I was wrong to raise my voice earlier. That wasn’t fair to you.” ✅ “I misunderstood what you were saying, and I jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry.” The more direct and sincere you are, the more powerful your words become. 2. Share What You Learned from the Mistake Your apology becomes even more valuable when it shows growth. ✅ “I’ve been really stressed, but that’s no excuse for snapping. I need to manage that better.” ✅ “Next time, I’ll make sure I listen before I react.” You’re not just saying sorry—you’re showing her what it looks like to learn from failure. 3. Invite Openness in Return By being vulnerable first, you create a space where your daughter feels safe doing the same. You can say: 👉 “Have you ever felt like that too?” 👉 “What do you think I could’ve done better?” It shifts the dynamic from “dad talking at daughter” to “dad growing with daughter.” Quick Takeaways: Start Today! Here’s your challenge: The next time you realize you overreacted, misjudged, or made a mistake—say it. Clearly. Out loud. And mean it. ✅ Own your part. ✅ Keep it simple and sincere. ✅ Use it to model growth, not guilt. Your daughter doesn’t need a perfect dad. She needs one who’s willing to grow, to own his missteps, and to treat her with the same respect he expects in return. Because when you admit you’re wrong, you’re not losing authority—you’re gaining something far more powerful: trust. That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this spoke to you, share it with another dad who wants to lead with humility and strength. Until next time—keep showing up, keep growing, and keep leading with love. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38874310

When to Give Advice and When to Just Listen 12/01/2025

When to Give Advice and When to Just Listen Hey dads, welcome back to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute stop for meaningful, real-world tips to help you build a lasting bond with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re unpacking a topic that every dad wrestles with at some point: “When should I give advice, and when should I just listen?” We’ve all been there—your daughter comes to you upset, confused, or venting, and your immediate instinct is to jump in and fix it. That’s what we do, right? We want to protect. We want to help. But here’s the truth: Sometimes she doesn’t need you to fix anything. She just needs to know you’re listening. Let’s talk about how to tell the difference, why it matters, and how you can respond in ways that keep her talking—and trusting you—over time. Why This Matters Giving advice too quickly can shut her down. Just listening—without judgment—can open her up. When you respond the right way at the right moment, you’re telling her: ✅ “Your feelings are valid.” ✅ “You’re not alone in this.” ✅ “I believe in your ability to figure things out.” And that’s where real connection lives. 3 Ways to Know When to Listen vs. When to Advise 1. Ask Before You Answer This is the golden rule: before you offer advice, ask this simple question: 👉 “Do you want me to just listen, or would it help to hear what I think?” You’ll be surprised how often she’ll say, “I just need to vent.” And when she says that? Honor it. Stay in listener mode. Nod. Reflect. Let her speak without interruption. Giving her that choice builds trust and autonomy—and she’ll be more likely to come to you again next time. 2. Listen to Understand, Not to Solve When she’s talking, don’t plan your response while she’s still mid-sentence. Don’t jump to “Here’s what you should do…” Instead, use these kinds of responses: ✅ “That sounds really hard.” ✅ “How did that make you feel?” ✅ “What are you thinking about doing?” Your calm, grounded presence teaches her that it’s okay to sit with tough emotions—and that she doesn’t have to rush to fix everything. 3. When You Do Give Advice—Make It Collaborative There will be moments when your wisdom is needed. But make it a conversation, not a lecture. Try something like: 💬 “Would it be okay if I shared something that helped me in a similar situation?” 💬 “Can I offer a different perspective?” 💬 “What do you think about this idea?” When you invite her in—rather than directing her—you’re treating her with respect. That’s the kind of guidance she’ll actually remember. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: The next time your daughter comes to you with a problem, pause before responding. ✅ Ask, “Do you want me to listen, or would it help if I offered some advice?” ✅ Then follow her lead—really. ✅ Let her talk without solving unless she invites you to. Because sometimes the best thing you can say is simply: 👉 “That sounds tough. I’m really glad you told me.” In that moment, she’s not looking for a fix—she’s looking for you. That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this helped you rethink how you respond to your daughter’s challenges, pass it on to another dad who wants to build that same kind of trust. Until next time—keep listening well, offering advice gently, and showing up with the kind of love that puts connection before correction. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38874265

Teaching Problem-Solving Skills Through Everyday Situations 11/24/2025

Teaching Problem-Solving Skills Through Everyday Situations Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5, the podcast where five minutes of practical advice can help you build a lifelong bond with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re diving into something you already have daily opportunities to teach—problem-solving. Here’s the big idea: You don’t need a classroom, a curriculum, or a crisis to teach your daughter how to solve problems. You just need to slow down, involve her in real-life decisions, and ask the right questions along the way. In this episode, I’ll show you why teaching problem-solving is one of the best gifts you can give her, how to use everyday situations as teaching tools, and give you three practical tips to try—starting today. Why It Matters Life is full of challenges, and your daughter will face her share—at school, with friends, in future jobs, and even in relationships. ✅ When she knows how to work through problems, she becomes more confident ✅ When she learns to think critically, she becomes more independent ✅ And when she sees that failure is part of learning, she becomes more resilient You’re not just helping her get through today—you’re building the tools she’ll use for a lifetime. Everyday Moments Are Teaching Moments The next time a challenge comes up—don’t solve it for her. Instead, use it to coach her through a process. That’s how learning happens. Let’s say she can’t decide what to wear to a school event, or she’s frustrated with a classmate, or even struggling with a tough homework assignment. Ask questions like: 💬 “What’s the actual problem here?” 💬 “What are some options?” 💬 “What do you think might happen if you try that?” 💬 “How would you feel about the outcome?” You’re not giving her the answer—you’re helping her find her own. That’s powerful. 3 Simple Ways to Teach Problem-Solving Through Daily Life 1. Narrate Your Own Problem-Solving Out Loud Let her see your thought process. ➡️ “I’m trying to figure out the best way to fix this leaky faucet. I could call a plumber, or I could look up a video first. Let me try the DIY route and see how it goes.” It sounds simple, but modeling how you work through problems teaches her it’s normal to try, fail, learn, and adjust. 2. Let Her Struggle a Little (with Support) It’s hard, but don’t rush in to fix everything. ✅ Give her space to think ✅ Be her sounding board ✅ Ask guiding questions, not leading ones She may get frustrated, but that’s part of growth. Tell her: “You’ve got this—I’m right here if you need help, but I want you to try first.” 3. Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Outcome Even if her solution doesn’t work, focus on her effort: ➡️ “I love how you thought that through.” ➡️ “You didn’t give up. That’s what matters most.” ➡️ “Next time, you’ll have an even better idea.” This builds grit, and shows her that making mistakes is part of solving problems—not a sign of failure. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: The next time your daughter comes to you with a problem—don’t solve it. ✅ Ask her what she thinks ✅ Talk through the options ✅ Support her as she tries her solution Big or small, every problem is a practice run for life. Because the goal isn’t to remove every obstacle—it’s to teach her how to climb over them on her own. And when she does? She’ll carry that confidence with her forever. [Closing Music] That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If you found this helpful, send it to a fellow dad or save it for the next teachable moment that shows up unexpectedly. Until next time—keep showing up, keep asking good questions, and keep helping your daughter grow into a confident, capable problem solver. Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5, the podcast where five minutes of practical advice can help you build a lifelong bond with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re diving into something you already have daily opportunities to teach—problem-solving. Here’s the big idea: You don’t need a classroom, a curriculum, or a crisis to teach your daughter how to solve problems. You just need to slow down, involve her in real-life decisions, and ask the right questions along the way. In this episode, I’ll show you why teaching problem-solving is one of the best gifts you can give her, how to use everyday situations as teaching tools, and give you three practical tips to try—starting today. Why It Matters Life is full of challenges, and your daughter will face her share—at school, with friends, in future jobs, and even in relationships. ✅ When she knows how to work through problems, she becomes more confident ✅ When she learns to think critically, she becomes more independent ✅ And when she sees that failure is part of learning, she becomes more resilient You’re not just helping her get through today—you’re building the tools she’ll use for a lifetime. Everyday Moments Are Teaching Moments The next time a challenge comes up—don’t solve it for her. Instead, use it to coach her through a process. That’s how learning happens. Let’s say she can’t decide what to wear to a school event, or she’s frustrated with a classmate, or even struggling with a tough homework assignment. Ask questions like: 💬 “What’s the actual problem here?” 💬 “What are some options?” 💬 “What do you think might happen if you try that?” 💬 “How would you feel about the outcome?” You’re not giving her the answer—you’re helping her find her own. That’s powerful. 3 Simple Ways to Teach Problem-Solving Through Daily Life 1. Narrate Your Own Problem-Solving Out Loud Let her see your thought process. ➡️ “I’m trying to figure out the best way to fix this leaky faucet. I could call a plumber, or I could look up a video first. Let me try the DIY route and see how it goes.” It sounds simple, but modeling how you work through problems teaches her it’s normal to try, fail, learn, and adjust. 2. Let Her Struggle a Little (with Support) It’s hard, but don’t rush in to fix everything. ✅ Give her space to think ✅ Be her sounding board ✅ Ask guiding questions, not leading ones She may get frustrated, but that’s part of growth. Tell her: “You’ve got this—I’m right here if you need help, but I want you to try first.” 3. Celebrate the Process, Not Just the Outcome Even if her solution doesn’t work, focus on her effort: ➡️ “I love how you thought that through.” ➡️ “You didn’t give up. That’s what matters most.” ➡️ “Next time, you’ll have an even better idea.” This builds grit, and shows her that making mistakes is part of solving problems—not a sign of failure. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: The next time your daughter comes to you with a problem—don’t solve it. ✅ Ask her what she thinks ✅ Talk through the options ✅ Support her as she tries her solution Big or small, every problem is a practice run for life. Because the goal isn’t to remove every obstacle—it’s to teach her how to climb over them on her own. And when she does? She’ll carry that confidence with her forever. [Closing Music] That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If you found this helpful, send it to a fellow dad or save it for the next teachable moment that shows up unexpectedly. Until next time—keep showing up, keep asking good questions, and keep helping your daughter grow into a confident, capable problem solver. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38874205

Teaching your daughter to set boundaries and speak up for herself. 11/17/2025

Teaching your daughter to set boundaries and speak up for herself. Here’s the deal: The world won’t always respect your daughter’s space, time, or feelings. But if she learns from you that her voice matters—if she knows how to say no, ask for what she needs, and stand her ground—she’s going to be stronger in school, friendships, future relationships, and the workplace. Let’s break down how to model, teach, and encourage this vital life skill in your everyday parenting. Why This Matters Boundaries are about self-respect, not selfishness. When your daughter can set healthy boundaries, she’s better able to: ✅ Avoid peer pressure ✅ Communicate her needs clearly ✅ Build safe, respectful relationships ✅ Stand up when something feels wrong And here’s the key: The way you respond to her boundaries will shape how confidently she sets them elsewhere. 3 Practical Ways to Teach Boundary-Setting 1. Model It Yourself—Out Loud Let your daughter see and hear you set boundaries in respectful, healthy ways. ✅ “I need a little quiet time right now, and then I’d love to play.” ✅ “I’m not okay with being spoken to like that. Let’s take a break and try again.” ✅ “I have too much on my plate today, so I’ll have to say no to that request.” When you name your own limits clearly and calmly, you show her that it’s okay to prioritize her own emotional and physical space—and that boundaries don’t require anger or guilt. 2. Celebrate Her Voice When She Uses It When she speaks up—even in small ways—acknowledge it and reinforce it. 💬 “I’m proud of you for telling your friend how you felt.” 💬 “You did a great job saying no politely but firmly.” 💬 “You asked for what you needed—that takes confidence.” When she knows you won’t dismiss or shame her for expressing herself, she’ll be more likely to keep doing it. And when she says “no” to you? Practice the pause. Stay calm. Show her that boundaries in a healthy relationship go both ways. 3. Role-Play Real-Life Scenarios One of the best teaching tools? Practice. Take a few minutes and act out everyday situations together. Try these: 🎭 A friend wants to copy her homework 🎭 Someone makes her uncomfortable at school 🎭 She’s asked to do something she doesn’t want to do 🎭 She needs to ask for space, help, or privacy Let her practice saying: 👉 “No, thank you.” 👉 “That doesn’t feel right to me.” 👉 “I need some space right now.” 👉 “Please don’t do that.” Then talk it through: How did that feel? What was hard? What helped you feel strong? These mini rehearsals build real-world confidence. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: Today, pay attention to moments when your daughter expresses a need, says no, or sets a limit—and support her. ✅ Say, “Thanks for telling me how you feel.” ✅ Ask, “What do you need from me right now?” ✅ Or tell her, “It’s okay to say no. I’ll always respect your voice.” And then—live that out. Because when your daughter knows she can speak up with you, she’ll know she can speak up anywhere. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38874175

Teaching Your Daughter How to Handle Conflict Constructively 11/10/2025

Teaching Your Daughter How to Handle Conflict Constructively Hey dads! Welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, the podcast that gives you simple, real-life ways to connect more deeply with your daughter—in just five minutes or less. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about something every daughter will face—conflict—and how you can teach her to handle it constructively. From playground drama to social media misunderstandings to future workplace disagreements, conflict is a part of life. And how your daughter learns to navigate it—with calm, confidence, and respect—will shape her relationships, self-respect, and success for years to come. So let’s break it down. I’ll give you three practical strategies that you can start using with her today—plus a takeaway challenge that makes this lesson stick. Why Conflict Skills Matter Conflict isn’t the problem—it’s how we deal with it that makes the difference. If your daughter learns to handle disagreement by shutting down, yelling, or giving in just to avoid confrontation, she might: ❌ Feel unheard or resentful ❌ Lose confidence in her voice ❌ Avoid standing up for herself But if you help her learn to express herself clearly, listen actively, and stay calm, she’ll: ✅ Build stronger relationships ✅ Earn respect from others ✅ Become a confident communicator And guess what? She’ll be watching how you handle conflict, too. So let’s make it count. Three Ways to Teach Constructive Conflict Skills 1. Teach the Power of “I” Statements Most conflict escalates when people feel blamed or attacked. Teaching your daughter to use “I” statements helps her express how she feels without pointing fingers. Instead of: ❌ “You never listen to me!” Coach her to say: ✅ “I feel frustrated when I’m not heard. Can we talk about it?” You can role-play this with her. Give her a scenario, and walk through what it might sound like to express her side without creating more tension. 2. Encourage Active Listening—Not Just Waiting to Speak Listening is half the battle in any conflict. Teach her to: ✅ Make eye contact ✅ Stay quiet while the other person talks ✅ Repeat back what she heard: “So, what you’re saying is…” You can practice this at home, even with simple disagreements. Model it yourself when she brings you concerns. Show her what respectful listening looks like. 3. Show Her How to Stay Calm Under Pressure Conflict can trigger big emotions, and it’s hard to respond well when those emotions take over. Help your daughter recognize when she’s upset—and give her permission to pause. You can say: 👉 “It’s okay to take a breath before you respond.” 👉 “If you need space to calm down, that’s not weakness—it’s wisdom.” You might even share how you handle your own frustrations, especially when you don’t get it right. That vulnerability makes your lesson real. Quick Takeaways: Start Today! Here’s your challenge: Today, teach your daughter one phrase or tip to use the next time she has a disagreement—whether it’s with a sibling, a friend, or even with you. ✅ Practice an “I” statement. ✅ Model active listening in a real conversation. ✅ Talk about what it means to pause and stay calm. And remember, every conflict is a teaching opportunity. The goal isn’t to avoid it—it’s to help her handle it with grace, confidence, and strength. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38874100

Teaching Life Skills in a Fun and Engaging Way 11/03/2025

Teaching Life Skills in a Fun and Engaging Way We want our daughters to grow into confident, capable, and independent young women—and that starts with giving them the tools to thrive in everyday life. But teaching life skills doesn’t have to feel like a chore, for you or for her. It can be: ✅ A bonding activity ✅ A confidence builder ✅ A memory maker And when it’s fun, she’ll want to keep learning more. 3 Ways to Make Life Skills Fun and Engaging 1. Turn It Into a Mini-Challenge Take something simple—like cooking dinner, pumping gas, or sorting laundry—and turn it into a challenge. 💬 “Let’s see who can fold the most shirts in two minutes.” 💬 “You’re in charge of dinner tonight—but I’ll be your assistant chef!” 💬 “Let’s create a $20 grocery list together and see what healthy meals we can make.” This makes her feel empowered. She’s not just helping—she’s leading. And when you bring some friendly competition or creativity, she’ll lean in instead of zoning out. 2. Use Real Life as a Classroom Life skills don’t have to be “taught” in a sit-down lesson—they’re everywhere. 🛒 Grocery store trip? Talk about comparing prices, reading labels, or budgeting. 🚗 Car ride? Teach her how to check the oil or change a tire. 🏦 Paying bills? Explain how to track expenses or save up for something important. The key is to involve her—not just tell her. Ask questions. Invite her to try. Let her mess up and learn from it. That’s real growth. 3. Make It a Shared Project Want to teach organization, planning, or teamwork? Start a project together. ✅ Build a birdhouse ✅ Plan a weekend getaway ✅ Start a garden ✅ Set a savings goal for something fun Projects are a great way to sneak in multiple life skills while building something meaningful side-by-side. It becomes less about the lesson and more about the journey you take together. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: Pick one life skill your daughter hasn’t mastered yet—and teach it in a way that’s fun. Maybe it’s: 🎵 Cooking a meal while listening to her favorite playlist 🎯 Creating a savings goal for something she wants 🎮 Turning laundry into a timed “level-up” game Make it memorable. Make it fun. And make sure she knows: 💬 “I’m not just teaching you this because you need to know it. I’m teaching you because I believe in you.” If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38874070

Building Brotherhood: How WeBus Connects Dads for Support and Growth 10/27/2025

Building Brotherhood: How WeBus Connects Dads for Support and Growth Fatherhood doesn’t come with a manual—but the journey is deeply rewarding, especially when you’re intentional about connecting with your daughters. In a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, host sits down with and —two dedicated dads and founders of WeBus International—to dig deep into the realities, challenges, and incredible rewards of raising daughters. One of the main themes woven throughout this heartfelt episode is intentional presence. Both Wes and Chris reflect on their own meaningful moments with their daughters, highlighting how vital it is to be truly present. As Chris shares, “It’s those moments where they come to me because dad’s got the answer… it’s all about being present with my kids.” Wes echoes this commitment by intentionally setting aside daily time to let his daughters choose activities, stressing that, “Whatever they want to do, I’m going to be a part of it.” The episode doesn’t shy away from the hard parts either. Both guests open up about mistakes and moments of failure, offering reassurance that vulnerability and honest communication are essential. Chris tells a story about miscommunicating with his daughter about their schedule and how owning the mistake, genuinely apologizing, and learning from it turned it into a powerful teaching moment. Wes reinforces that failure is not only inevitable but also an opportunity for growth, both as a father and for teaching his daughters resilience. Another profound theme is connection among fathers. Wes shares his personal struggles during a challenging time and how reaching out to other dads led to the creation of WeBus—a supportive community where men can share experiences (not unsolicited advice) and lift each other up. Through this network, fathers form bonds, share practical solutions, and most importantly, realize they’re not alone on this path. The episode wraps up with actionable wisdom: be present, cherish powerful moments, communicate openly, and seek connection—both with your children and other dads. As Wes and Chris emphasize, it's about being the man and the example you want your daughters to look up to. Whether you’re looking for inspiration, a reminder that imperfection is part of the journey, or simply some practical dad-to-dad guidance, this episode is packed with genuine stories and strategies. Tune in to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” for insights that will help you become the dad your daughter needs—and maybe find a brotherhood along the way. Ready to listen? Find the episode at and take the next step on your fatherhood journey. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started. Because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:51]: Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week. Every week. I love being able to reconnect with you, to talk with you, to be on this journey that we're both on together in raising our daughters and building those strong connections that we want to have with our daughters. One step at a time. Because none of us are thrown into fatherhood with that manual, per se. We have to learn it along the way. And it is so important to have strong connections with our daughters, and especially our daughters, because of that bond that happens between a father and a daughter and all of the research that shows the power of the relationship between the father and the daughter. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:36]: So every week, I love being able to talk with you, to walk with you on this path that you're on, but also introduce you to other dads that are doing their best to be the best dads they can be. And we got two great guests today. We've got Wes Pyatta and Chris Ronas are here. And we're gonna be talking to them not only about being fathers of daughters. Cause Wes has two daughters himself and Chris has three daughters. And we're also, though, going to talk about their new venture, their new business that they've been working on for a bit now that is called Webus International. And we're gonna be talking about that as well. So we'll learn a little bit more about that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:20]: So, Wes, Chris, thanks so much for joining us today. Wes Piatt [00:02:23]: Heck, yeah. Thanks for having us on. Chris Roness [00:02:25]: Yeah, man, thanks for having us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]: This is the dad and Daughter Connection. And I think one of the things that I'd love to ask you first is as you think about the relationships with your daughters, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughters and what made it so special? Wes Piatt [00:02:39]: Man, I had some pretty amazing moments with both of My daughters, they were born early and both in the NICU for a few months. And I remember there was specifically one moment with my daughter Joey where we had a rough time in the parking lot right before we went in and just kind of soaking in the extreme nature of everything we were dealing with and our first child and all this stuff. And I've got my hands in the little incubator and I'm trying to change her diaper on this little tiny, tiny human. I mean, she was the size of my hand. And the nurse walks over and goes, oh, let me show you how to do that with one hand. In that moment, I was so grateful for all the time that we had in the nicu, all the time that we were going to get in the nicu, because I felt like I got like a. You said we don't have a manual for being a. I felt like they gave me a manual on so many things. Wes Piatt [00:03:26]: I was in the NICU both with Joey and with June because June was also born early. And having that time going into the nicu, June and being actually excited about it, knowing she was going to be fine, and then knowing I was going to learn even more from these amazing nurses that were there for 20, 30, 40 years teaching me how to do all these little things that most dads don't get. It was an amazing, not necessarily like moment in time, but I guess like per se, but, but amazing time within their lives where I learned like, man, bad things can really lead to some pretty awesome stuff. Chris Roness [00:03:58]: Wow, dude, that's powerful, man. Dude, Chris, that's hard. You want me to just pick one? I've been blessed to have millions of them. And I think if there's a theme about any one of them, it started just like Wes was talking about. From the day they were born until even today, Even with my 12 year old who's doing the pre teen thing, it's those moments where they come to me because dad's got the answer, you know, they're coming to me as a sign of strength and all the things and. And to me it's feedback. To me, the second that I got my first daughter, the doctor handed her to me. He goes, $150 a month. Chris Roness [00:04:30]: And I was like, what is this? My bill? Like, what are you talking about? He goes, $150 a month. That's how much you need to put in the bank every month for this child. So that someday down the road, whether it's education or a wedding or something meaningful to them, you've got that Money set aside to give them a good quality life. But it was the awe of having this kid in my hand and still realizing it's so much more than that. It's so much more than that. And, and for the kids, like this 12 year old now who doesn't even know that I've been putting $150 a month towards her. You know what I mean? Like, it's not about some sort of material thing. It's those moments where, like we talked about that bond that we've had through all those little moments where they've come to dad because Dad's the answer. Chris Roness [00:05:12]: Even at 12, it's not exactly the same conversation. It's not a hug, it's not. Whatever. She loves Benson Boone now, man. Like, she just loves this dude. She loves to sing. She loves to sing his songs. And so at nighttime we connect around his videos. Chris Roness [00:05:27]: And that's my moment to just give her space so that she can say whatever she wants to say. And every single time that I provide that opportunity, she capitalizes on it and she'll say, hey, Dada, let's talk about this or let's talk about that. And she'll just start going and it's awesome. So to me, it's those special moments where they just, they need me. And for me, that same moment was recognizing that I had to be the best human, best man I could be because I've got three daughters and at the time, no sons, and now I have a son. But regardless, my thought was I need to be the best example of a man I can be for them so that someday they'll bring me home three awesome sons. Wes Piatt [00:06:01]: Word. That's it right there. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:03]: So what I'm hearing both of you say, I mean outside of those first moments, is being intentional being intentional with your time, being intentional with the moments that you do have with your daughters. So talk to me about what are some intentional ways that now you've worked to or you're working on strengthening that bond with your daughters. Even during challenging times, man, I make. Wes Piatt [00:06:27]: Sure that every day we do something intentional together. I literally just posted this on my Instagram this morning about how I make sure every single day my phone is away and we're doing something that they want to do. What do you guys want to do? And Dad's coming along for the ride. Let's go do it. And it's not something I had pre planned or something I want to do or are going to lead to even a goal at the end of it. It's just Whatever they want to do, and I'm going to be a part of it. Chris Roness [00:06:51]: Yeah, that's good, Chris. One thing I didn't disclose that I should have is we actually had four daughters, but one of them, at 37 weeks, didn't make it. And that was a really hard time as a parent and as a husband. But also, at the time, I was a senior leader in the Air Force running a unit, and I had a lot going on. But what that child taught me in that moment was the power of a moment. And I realized I was constantly like, in a minute, kid, I got to finish this thing first, or I got to finish that thing, or, I'll be right there. Just give me one second. I got to finish up this thing. Chris Roness [00:07:22]: And it was always a thing that I always had to finish up because I was doing important work, right. As a dad, not realizing that the important work was right in front of me. And so now, as a result of that powerful lesson that I got from my daughter, Ava, was her name is. Her name was the power of a moment. So now, to me, being intentional is remembering that once this moment's gone, it's fleeting. Like I'm never going to get it back. So when my child comes to me with a picture that they've drawn, and I'm in the middle of 500 things that I feel are super important that have got to be done right now, I can catch myself and go, this is what's important. Show me this picture. Chris Roness [00:07:58]: Let's be intentional about this moment. Because once the moment's gone, you can't get it back. And I've been able to do that with everything. It totally has changed my perspective on everything, and I feel has made me a much better father because I'm much more present with my kids, with everything. I mean, now I'm involved in everything they do, and I don't want to miss moment for that only reason. And life has actually been so much better and more forward. And guess what? All those things that I thought were important, they weren't, and they still got done. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:20]: They definitely do get done. Even though at times in our minds we're like, oh, oh, no. You know, we gotta get it done. But I. I completely hear you there. And there's been many moments in my own life that that's definitely happened, and moments where, as you kind of said, you make the wrong decision and you look back later and you're like, ah, dang. You know, I shouldn't have done that. So I. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:42]: I guess one question that I would have is none always right. And then we're always going to make mistakes. We're not infallible. So what's a mistake that you've made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communications with your daughters? Chris Roness [00:08:59]: That's good. I got one just yesterday, a simple one. But we have a very busy schedule with all the kids activities. They're all, of course, doing something different. And I communicated to one of my daughters that today was going to be a day that she was going to ride the bus to go home with her brother while I took another kid to an appointment. And yesterday she thought was the day, not today. And so as I was picking them all up yesterday, she went and got on the bus instead of getting in the vehicle. And I had to send one of her sisters to get her. Chris Roness [00:09:31]: And her sister was a little fiery. Wes Piatt [00:09:32]: She's like, come on, you gotta go. Chris Roness [00:09:33]: Get off the bus. And she was. She's a very. She has a very big heart and wears her heart on her sleeve. And she just got to the vehicle just completely upset. Dad, you told me today was the day I had the option to go home. And on that I was like, okay, guess what? I confused you. I miscommunicated. Chris Roness [00:09:50]: And I just took the time to explain to her how I made the mistake and that I was going to own it and that we were going to move forward though, you know, hey, so this is on me. I told you about something, but the something that I told you about doesn't actually happen until tomorrow. And I wasn't strong enough in my communication about what we were doing today. And so I gave her genuine apology by saying the three things that go into a genuine apology. Hey, what I did wrong, right? That I'm genuinely sorry about it, and what I'm going to do about it in the future to make sure it doesn't happen again. Hey, I'm going to communicate better about what we're doing today. Then I'll go into what we're doing tomorrow, but I'll follow it back up with what we're doing today just so we don't make this mistake again. And the power of that conversation was she went from completely upset and hurt and emotionally distraught to just, okay, I'm good. Wes Piatt [00:10:35]: I can't come up with a single one. But I think for me, the biggest takeaway is what I do after I mess up. It's that I go back and I tell them I'm sorry. I explain what I did. I go through exactly what switch has talked About Chris just talked about that. It's. I'm not perfect and it's okay not to be perfect as long as you do these few things after you're not perfect and you learn from it and you get better from it and you move on from it and we grow from it. It's like, I want them when you talk about failure, they're super into gymnastics. Wes Piatt [00:11:07]: That's like their sport now. And. And we talk about failure constantly, how much we look forward to it and we can't wait for it. And when it does, it's opportunity to get better. And it's like there is no such thing as bad failure. And even when dad messes up, like, look, I've been around this earth for almost 40 years now, like, I'm still screwing up the most basic things and that's going to happen forever. And that's totally okay. I think that that's the most important thing. Wes Piatt [00:11:29]: And they know that failure is good and failure is okay as long as we learn from it and do it. What Chris was talking about in recovery, I guess you could say from the failure or whatever you want to call. Chris Roness [00:11:37]: It, we call it debrief in our family. Debrief what we learned. Wes Piatt [00:11:41]: Let's go. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:42]: I mentioned that the two of you a organization called webus International. So talk to me about webus. What is it? And talk to me about those origin stories. What inspired you to start the organization and how did your role as dads influence the vision? Wes Piatt [00:12:00]: I've told this story now probably a dozen times and I've cried every single time. I'm going to do my best to hold it together because it is we bus is what has kept me alive. And there was a moment. I own a CrossFit gym, small business owner, my wife as a teacher and for context, I used to be a firefighter. So I was a full time firefighter before I opened up the CrossFit gym. And I was doing both for a little bit where I was traveling down, doing my shifts, coming back up, coaching all the classes, traveling down and doing the thing. And I had a call, I went on that made me decide like, oh, I'm actually going to follow this path instead of this one. And I really regretted that during COVID because my business was getting shut down, all my members were leaving and everything seemed like it was like, man, I just made so many bad choices up to this point. Wes Piatt [00:12:49]: Like, why? Also for context, me and my sister grew up with just a mom and she happened just so happened to be bipolar and have schizophrenic episodes. So we had quite the upbringing. And during COVID I was having a really hard time controlling my reactions, controlling just the simplest things would set me off. And I. And I was just so upset with all the choices I had made and where I put my family, kind of, in a sense. And I started to get nervous. And maybe, actually this was a bipolar beginning to show itself in me. And maybe I had what my mom had. Wes Piatt [00:13:24]: And at the time, we just had. We had one child, and we were about to have our other one. And I was thinking to myself, you know, if you off yourself, these kids won't remember you, and your wife can remarry. Find somebody who's not in the financial situation you're in. Find somebody who doesn't have these triggers that you do and doesn't have all of this background. And you can actually, actually, really, maybe your job was really just to bring these kids here and to peace out. And I was really considering it. And I was considering it so much so that I actually created a list of things that I had to do before I did the thing, because me and Switch were in the military. Wes Piatt [00:14:01]: I was in the Air Force as well for four years. And I was along with Switch, but I had quite a few friends who had committed suicide after getting out of the military. And that's what Switch does, is his other. This is where I usually start to get choked up a little bit with his other company that he has called. You Matter, and you Matter focuses on ending veteran suicide, which is obviously an epidemic that's happening around the world, and something that we need to work on and we are working on. But I digress. I was mad at every single one of them that did that because they didn't call me first and they didn't just go, hey, I'm struggling. I just wanted to let you know maybe you could help. Wes Piatt [00:14:36]: And so one of... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38617485

Breaking Parenting Cycles: Building Lasting Dad-Daughter Connections 10/20/2025

Breaking Parenting Cycles: Building Lasting Dad-Daughter Connections Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, but that doesn’t mean you’re alone on the journey. In the recent episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, sits down with , creator of the Parenting With Purpose method and a coach to high-achieving parents. This insightful conversation dives deep into the challenges, growth, and opportunities both dads (and all parents) face when raising confident, emotionally secure daughters. One of the standout themes from the episode is the importance of breaking cycles—especially those rooted in our own upbringing. Tia shares how her father broke the cycles of abuse and alcoholism from his own childhood, emphasizing that while he didn’t always have the resources or know-how, his willingness to try made a lasting impact. She encourages listeners that “breaking cycles is something I think we all have the power to do,” reminding us that parenting is ultimately a learned skill. Tia explores different parenting styles—what she calls the “overpowering tiger,” the “wet doormat,” and her preferred “positive discipline parent.” She describes how her own parents modeled these behaviors, and how she’s forged a new path centered on connection, mutual respect, and discipline without punishment. For dads looking to build stronger relationships with their daughters, she recommends focusing less on forcing behaviors and more on connecting through empathy, listening, and presence. A practical tool Tia shares is “Golden Time”—spending 10 focused, device-free minutes a day doing an activity your child chooses. It’s a simple but powerful strategy that helps rebuild connection, whether you’re dealing with young children or teenagers. The episode also covers the struggles parents face with emotional connection and communication. Tia urges dads not to shy away from sharing their own experiences and emotions, showing that vulnerability can build empathy and trust. She advises parents to shift their language, replacing “if” statements with “when,” to reduce power struggles and foster more respectful interactions. Ultimately, this podcast offers hope and actionable advice for any parent feeling overwhelmed, stuck in chaos, or disconnected from their kids. Tia’s core message is clear: change starts with us—and it’s never too late to build the relationship you want with your daughter. Ready for more stories, expert advice, and practical tips? Listen to the full episode to start building stronger bonds and raising confident, independent daughters! If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started. Because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:51]: Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity. We have an opportunity to be able to up our game, to be able to help ourselves, to be those dads that we want to be and to be able to build those strong connections that we want to have with our own daughters. That, and I say that we have an opportunity, because we do. Because when you go into fatherhood, there is no set pathway. There's no manual, there's no set thing that you have to do to be the best dad you can ever be. But there are things that you can do to be successful and to be able to build solid relationships with your children to help them along the way. Those tools for your toolbox, per se, that you can have and take with you. And a lot of times you can learn from others. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:39]: You can learn from others, whether it's your neighbor, whether it's a friend, whether it's someone you don't even know. They can help you along the way by giving you some of the tidbits, some of the things that they've learned along the way to help you to become stronger as well. That's why this podcast exists. This podcast is here to help you, to give you some of those tools for your toolbox, to help you to be able to be the dad that you want to be. And that's why every week I love being able to bring you different guests with different experiences that can provide you with some perspective and challenge you in some different ways, to be able to help you think about fatherhood in different ways as well. So you're going to meet fathers, mothers, and others that are here to be able to give you some resources. And today we got another great guest. Tia Slytum is with us today. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]: And Tia is a creator of the Parenting With Purpose method and a coach of high achieving parents, and she works with parents to be able to help them to get through some of the challenging points, but also work in many different ways to be able to become those strong parents that you want to become. We're going to learn about the parenting with purpose method today, but we're also going to learn a little bit more about Tia and. And her own experience with her own father and some of the things that she's learned along the way. So I'm really excited to have her here. Tia, thanks so much for being here today. Tia Slightham [00:03:00]: Thanks so much for having me. I'm excited to chat with you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:02]: You know, I'm really excited to have you here today. And as I said, I love being able to start these conversations first, focusing on your own relationship with your father. And every relationship is unique. Every relationship is different. Some are positive, some are negative, Some are somewhere in between. I guess one of the questions that I'd love to start with is, as a daughter, what's one thing that your father did to help you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter? Tia Slightham [00:03:29]: Yeah, it's a really good question. I think when I look back at my childhood and then where I am today in the work I do in the line of, you know, my focus with parents and parenting and raising kids, a lot of what I learned from my parents, whether that be some positive, some negative, really shifted my mindset in the kind of parent I wanted to be and the kind of parent I wanted to help others be if they had the similar values and goals. And my. My dad had not a great upbringing, and I. One of the things I'm so passionate about is breaking cycles. And breaking cycles is something I think we all have the power to do. When you have that toolbox like you talked about in the beginning, and. And you have that skill set, because parenting is not intuitive. Tia Slightham [00:04:14]: It's a learned skill. Whether you are a dad, whether you have little kids, big kids, it's all a skill set, and everybody's capable of learning it, but you have to be taught that. And so when I think about my dad, unfortunately, and sadly for him, he was not taught that he didn't have role models that he needed to have. You know, he had abusive parents and alcoholic parents, and he never had that chance to be seen, heard, and understood. And what I love most about my dad is, although I still shifted much of my parenting to not mimic his parenting, he really broke the cycle of abuse. He broke the cycle of alcoholism. He broke a lot of cycles. And so when I think about how my dad helped me be seen, heard and really understood in the early years. Tia Slightham [00:05:03]: He wasn't great at that. He didn't know exactly how to do that. But as an overarching father, 100%, I'm very. And as an adult, our relationship is so close because he was able to have the strength to break the cycles in whatever way he could do. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:21]: Now there's other dads that are out there that may be in those vicious cycles that, you know, they grew up in, and they're trying to break them themselves. Talk to me a little bit about what you saw your dad doing to break those cycles, or you're. What you're seeing other parents doing to try to break the cycles. And what are some suggestions or things that you might put out there for other fathers that might help them to do the same? Tia Slightham [00:05:45]: Yeah. So one of the things I think it's really important to look at first is what exactly is our parenting style? Like, what is our style of parenting? And really, there are, like, three core parenting styles. I like to use my. My own terminology to help it stick into our brains, because I forgot what I had for lunch yesterday, and we all forget things. So let's try and remember these things. And so one of the parenting styles is what I refer to as the overpowering tiger. This is that authoritarian style. Whereas a parent, your kids need to listen to you because you said so. Tia Slightham [00:06:17]: You're the adult, you're the boss. They need to respect you no matter what. And they should just do it because. And unfortunately, that's the style of parent my dad was. My dad was that overpowering tiger, where we are listening because we don't want to know what happens if we don't listen. And so we listen out of fear. We listen out from control, which is what I didn't want to do as a parent. My mom would make up for my dad's parenting style of overpowering tiger by being what I refer to as the wet doormat. Tia Slightham [00:06:46]: This is that permissive parent who wants to set boundaries. And you want to show your kids how to be respectful and listen and cooperate, but you don't know how to hold and maintain what I call three Cs. Boundaries being super concrete, clear and consistent, and really learning to follow through with discipline and not punishment. And so I have these two different. This teeter tottering of parenting where we've got the overpowering tiger on one side and then the wet doormat trying to make up for the fact that the tiger is so overpowering. And both of those parenting styles are very confusing for kids. It doesn't show, you know, kids are born with two jobs. One is to please you, and one is to push boundaries until boundaries are found. Tia Slightham [00:07:27]: And unfortunately, if you're the overpowering tiger, your kids are only listening when you are overpowering them, because that's the boundary they've learned. Whereas if you're the wet doormat, they're not listening. They're pushing. They're pushing. They're pushing until you hit your breaking point and either give in, give them extra chances, or you then turn into that overpowering tiger. So either way, that's creating the cycles that parents most often want to break. And so the goal is really to become, you know, in my opinion, in my practice, that number three parenting style, which I recall to as the positive discipline parent. So you're really that mutual respect parent where our kids listen and they show us respect because we listen and we show them respect. Tia Slightham [00:08:12]: And that's really, really how you build a strong connection and bond so your kids can learn life's hard lessons, but in a way where they don't feel overpowered, they don't feel fearful, and they don't feel like they can walk all over you, because kids really do need a guide, a teacher, and a leader. And that's where we really want to work to kind of find that balance. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:31]: Talk to me about that a little bit further. Go a little bit deeper in regards to your own experience with that and what made you kind of develop that framework for. For others. What was it in your own childhood that made you decide that as you were developing this framework that you needed to develop or unpack that for yourself? Tia Slightham [00:08:52]: Yeah, I mean, I think about some kind of, you know, we create these core memories in our childhood. And I always say to parents, our actions and our words, what we role model today, they live with our kids forever. Like, we have such a huge impact on our kids. And it can either be positive or it can be negative. And I think about some of those core memories as a child, and yet I still have positive ones of both my parents, but the ones that really stick with you are those not so positive ones. And I can remember being really little and wetting the bed and really feeling so sad and so shameful and so afraid to have to, like, tiptoe downstairs in my nightie, sopping wet to try and get to my mom's side of the bed so that my dad wouldn't harp at me and make me feel terrible for wetting the bed. And no, no child needs to feel like that. No human needs to feel like that. Tia Slightham [00:09:47]: Because kids don't. You know, Jane Nelson of the founder of positive discipline, you know, always says this amazing quote, and it's kids do better when they feel better. So where do we get this crazy idea that we're going to make somebody feel worse to get them to do better? And if you think about it, like, when have we ever had a boss who just yells at you and screams at you and tells you how stupid you are and how dumb you are and how awful you've done? And then we say to ourselves, yeah, I'm going to work harder next time. I'm going to just show up. No, we, we feel squished under a rock. We feel it's debilitating. We don't build the confidence and skills to do better. And so as a parent, I knew I didn't want my kids to ever be afraid to come to me with anything. Tia Slightham [00:10:32]: I never wanted them to feel scared. I never wanted to them feel like I was making them feel stupid or shameful. And I wanted them to know that I'm always in their corner. And I think as a child, I never really knew that my dad was in my corner, even though I knew he loved me because of his parenting style. And that's not what he wanted to portray. It's just that's all he knew. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:56]: As you look at your father now, or have. I should have asked before. Your father is still alive. Okay. As you talk to your father now and he can see what you're doing with other parents, talk to me about conversations that you've had as you become an adult. In looking back at what he did as a father and what you're doing now and how those either connect or disconnect. Tia Slightham [00:11:22]: Yeah. So together, him and I haven't discussed a lot about my childhood. We've sort of just moved through as adults and built an amazing relationship. I'm gonna fly home and see him next week and play a couple rounds of golf with him and have lunch, which I'm really looking forward to. But what I noticed from my dad is he pays attention to what I'm doing. And when I see him with my boys, his grandsons, I can tell he knows where he, he wished he made changes and where he wished he had the support to make changes. Which is why I love what you're doing for dads out there. And I've left a five star review, so everybody else should go and do that as well. Tia Slightham [00:12:04]: Who's listening? Because dads and parents of all parents need support. And I think what's most Important when my dad sees the line of work I'm in and the success of the business I've buil is the sadness I think he has that he didn't have that support and he didn't have somebody show him what to do or how to be better. And I think he's worked hard to be better as a dad of adults and as a grandfather. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:28]: I appreciate you sharing that. Now, I mentioned that you have this method, and we've kind of been talking a little bit about it already as I looked at it and I kind of explored it myself. I know that you've guided a lot of different families. I think your website said over 5000 families through your parenting with purpose framework. Talk to me a little bit about the core principles beyond what we've already been talking about. And why do you think that they resonate so strongly with parents who feel struck, feel stuck in chaos? Tia Slightham [00:12:57]: Yeah, most parents, and this is what makes us so different and so successful in what we do, is most parents are looking for quick tips and tricks. They're scouring the Internet. They're googling, they're reading books. They're just. They're. They're doing small mini courses. They're just trying desperately to fix the problem and get their kids to listen, get them to cooperate, get them to be respectful. The challenge is it's not about getting our kids to do, it's about getting ourselves to do. Tia Slightham [00:13:25]: And really, the key is shifting what you're doing as a parent to then shift your child's behavior. So most of us live in this core struggle of forcing our kids, forcing our kids to listen, forcing them to cooperate, forcing them to do their homework, forcing them to get off their device, forcing them. And it's just this constant negative battle because we're basically telling our kids, you're the problem, you need to be fixed, and you're the reason I'm so upset. So an ability to connect with your kids in that moment is almost impossible because they are feeling the weight of this being all their issue. So we're not building confidence. We're not building security. We're not building trust. But what we do inside our program is we say, hey, you know what, kids? This isn't your problem. Tia Slightham [00:14:08]: This is our issue. I'm the adult. I need to learn how to do better. I need to learn how to use effective language. I need to learn how to discipline without punishment. So no more yelling, reminders, empty threats, taking things away, bribery, rewards. I need to learn how to. To solve my challenges in my parenting so that I can help you be the best you can be. Tia Slightham [00:14:31]: And I think when we're searching for quick tips and. And tips, we're still focusing on the child. And so it might work today, but it doesn't work tomorrow, or it might work with one child, it doesn't work with the other, and nothing's giving you lasting results. Because the root of the issue isn't your child's behavior. The root of your issue is your parenting, your current parenting st and what needs to be shifted. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:51]: You know, one of the things that I've learned in talking to a lot of dads is dads want to support their kids, but sometimes struggle to connect emotionally. And I think we talked a little bit about some of your own experience with that, with your own father. What lessons from your method and working with parents can dads use to adapt to strengthen their own parenting approach? Tia Slightham [00:15:13]: Yeah, connection, I think, is like the biggest issue for parents and kids, whether it's sons, daughters, moms, dads. If we don't have a strong connection, we're really lost, and our kids are lost, and we're lost. And one of the tools that we use in our program, which I coined Golden Time, my son, when he was 4, actually named it Golden Time, and it's stuck since then. And you can call it whatever you want. And I'm going to actually give all your listeners a free copy to download and implement this, because sometimes we don't know where to start, especially when we're stuck in these really deep cycles. And it just feels like your kids are saying, I hate you. I don't want to... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38617415

Empathy, Trust, and Conversation: Raising Confident, Kind Daughters 10/13/2025

Empathy, Trust, and Conversation: Raising Confident, Kind Daughters If you’re a dad looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is a can’t-miss listen. Hosted by , this episode features a heartfelt conversation with , father of an almost 17-year-old daughter, who opens up about the everyday realities, challenges, and rewards of being a present and engaged dad. The Power of “Hey, Dad” Moments One of the episode’s core themes is the importance of creating and treasuring meaningful moments—sometimes in the simplest ways. Alex shares about his “hey dad” moments, where his daughter pops downstairs to sit and talk, checking in on him and sharing her world. These moments, whether brief or lasting for hours, have become the heartbeat of their connection. As Alex says, “these conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours… and we talk about everything.” These authentic check-ins remind us that genuine connection isn’t built in grand gestures—it’s nurtured in consistency and willingness to simply be available. Balancing Guidance and Independence Another central theme is the delicate balance between guiding and giving independence. Alex describes the challenge of working demanding hours, yet prioritizing availability for his daughter, whether it’s teaching her to change windshield wiper fluid or sending a supportive text on a long workday. He emphasizes that, especially with teens, “availability” is key—not forcing connection, but being there when she seeks it. Intentional Parenting: Preparing for Life’s Realities Alex and his wife have been intentional about preparing their daughter not for control, but for independence. They’ve communicated their evolving roles—from “bosses” when she was young, to “supervisors” during college, and eventually “consultants” and “friends.” Through practical life lessons—whether teaching financial literacy through a make-your-own business project or discussing the realities of loss—they empower her with resilience, critical thinking, and empathy. Conversations that Matter The episode doesn’t shy away from tough topics: discussing impermanence and loss, embracing vulnerability, and fostering trust through honest communication. Alex reminds fellow dads to “give yourself permission to be human” and always talk to your kids with respect. Listen to Grow as a Dad If you’re seeking real-life stories, practical tips, and inspiration for meaningful father-daughter connections, tune in to this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. Be reminded that being the dad your daughter needs is about showing up, growing together, and cherishing the journey—bumps, laughs, and all. Listen now at dadanddaughterconnection.com, and start building those memorable moments today. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Alex Greenwood [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. Really excited to have you back again this week. Alex Greenwood [00:00:56]: As always, every week, you and I are on a journey together. We are working our tail off trying to build these amazing relationships that we want to have with our daughters one step at a time. And I'll tell you, it's not always going to be easy. There's going to be bumps in the roads and you have to be able to sometimes be humble and know if you make mistakes, you're going to pick yourself back up and keep going. And it's so important that not only that you know that, but it's so important that you're willing to learn, to grow and to listen, because there are so many individuals around us that are fathering in different ways, and there is no one right way to father. That's why this podcast exists, because every week I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that are fathering their children in different ways and they can bring some perspective for you to consider for yourself. Doesn't mean you're going to take everything that you're going to hear on every episode and turn it into something that you're going to use today. But it provides you with some tools for your toolbox to allow for you to be able to consider different things and maybe make some adjustments along the way that'll help you to be the dad that you want to be. Alex Greenwood [00:02:12]: This week we got another great guest. Alex Greenwood is with us, and Alex is the father of an almost 17 year old. He's. And I'm really excited to be able to have him here for him to share some of his own experiences as a father. Alex, thanks so much for being here today. Alex Greenwood [00:02:26]: Chris, it's a pleasure to be here. Thank you. Alex Greenwood [00:02:28]: It is my pleasure. Really excited to be able to talk with you today and to. And to Delve a little bit deeper into your relationship with your daughter. And this podcast is all about connection. So I guess first and foremost, one of the things that I'd love to ask you is all of us are on are in a journey of trying to do what we can to be able to build meaningful moments. Meaningful moments that you and I can create with our, with our kids, that they can take with them. Think back to one of those meaningful moments. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughter thus far and what made it so special? Alex Greenwood [00:03:04]: I am always just surprised is the wrong word. Amaze is too strong a word. But I'm always so energized by and I feel so wonderful. And it's a very simple thing, Chris. It's not some life changing, earth shattering thing, but I have a little. It's not really a man cave. It's just a place where I go, it's downstairs and I got a TV and I got a place to read and that kind of thing. And I go down there just because I have a job. Alex Greenwood [00:03:28]: I work in communications at a university. I have 12 hour days, I talk to people all day and I have a long commute. So I get to a point where when I finally get home, sometimes I just want to go down there and just recharge a little on my own. I'm one of those ambiverts. I mean, I'm not an introvert by any means, but I do have to charge the batteries a little bit. And sometimes I, I just go down and contemplate and all that. And my daughter, who, her name's Caroline and she's going to be 17 next year, but she's done this thing for a long time. And you know teenagers, I know you have kids that are a little older than that and you know how it is with them, especially in the teenage years, they just get to a point where it's not that they don't love you anymore or don't want to be around you, but they're doing what they're supposed to do. Alex Greenwood [00:04:05]: They're starting to kind of break away and become more independent. So sometimes I find myself missing her quite a bit, but I don't burden her with that. Right? I don't do, do that. That's not fair to her. Don't make her feel guilty for doing what she's supposed to do. So it's just interesting. She has this wonderful habit of every now and then popping downstairs, sitting in a chair across from me and saying, hey, dad. And I'm like, well, hey, kid, what's up? I call her kid. Alex Greenwood [00:04:29]: I've always called her kid. She's my only child. And she just asks me about how I'm doing. She's like, I just want to check in with you. How you doing? And what I realized, and I call these hey dads now, by the way, but I realize the hey dads are not really just her wanting to hear how I'm doing and. But it's also her way of saying a couple of things. One, I miss you, dad. And two, I want to tell you what's going on in my life. Alex Greenwood [00:04:53]: And that's what we do. These conversations can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours. And we talk about everything. And I mean everything. Books she's reading, the TV shows she likes music she loves. Taylor Swift, of course, The Mighty Chiefs, our football team here. You know, speaking of Taylor Swift, we'll talk about relationship. We'll talk about her grandparents. Alex Greenwood [00:05:14]: Chris it's how I feel like I might have actually been doing a pretty decent job as a dad, is that she enjoys speaking with me. And I'm not saying she happens. It doesn't happen every day, but it happens more than enough for me to feel very blessed. And I don't know if that sounds like anything all that interesting to folks, but for me, it's just about everything. Alex Greenwood [00:05:32]: No, it's so important, especially as they get older and if they're still checking in with you, still willing to talk to you, and especially as they get into those upper teen years. I'm not saying that to scare people, because it's not the same with every kid. And with some kids, teenage years can be easygoing, and then other kids could be harder. But if you have put the time and effort in. In raising your child through the years and built that solid relationship with them along the way, them coming back to you and being willing to continue talking to you, being willing, engage with you, and keeping you as a part of their world is so important. Now, you talked about the fact that you work a ways away from home, so you're balancing a lot. You're balancing going to work and coming home and trying to still maintain that connection with her and keeping that balance. So talk to me about balance. Alex Greenwood [00:06:30]: And how do you balance not only all of the things that you're trying to do, but how do you also balance guiding your daughter while also giving her that independence that you want her to have to be able to grow into the person that she's become becoming? Alex Greenwood [00:06:42]: It's a Real balancing act. And first of all, I'm an older Dad. I was 40 when she was born and so I'm not as spry as I used to. I take care of myself. I work out. My days are averaging 12 hours because I drive about 82 miles each way four days a week to work. I get one work from home day which I can usually take if you put in a 10 hour workday, that's about a 12, 12 and a half hour workday. And when I, by the time I get home I'm pretty tired. Alex Greenwood [00:07:06]: Yet I still manage to. I run a couple of my own podcasts, I write a substack column, I'm working on another book. I find time to do a lot of stuff. But the main thing is though is to develop that availability to my daughter when she, so that she can come talk to me anytime or she can text me or sometimes just, just a connection on texting. She started her first job this summer and she's, she's just loving it. She's loving to be able to raise her own money and buy the things she wants to buy and, and I've been so proud of her about that. And what's interesting is like yesterday, you know, today's as we record this Chris, today's their first day of school for junior year in high school and she's got a hand me down car I gave her. It's 11 year old car and she loves it and she takes care of it. Alex Greenwood [00:07:50]: And I showed her how to. Yesterday I showed her how to change the wall, the windshield wiper fluid. It's finding moments like that where it may not be all day, it may just be touches like that. A good text and I'll text her. I'm not gonna lie. I text her sometimes and I just say, hey kid, I love you. I hope you hope you're having a great day. Or if I have to work, particularly Thursday, it's going to be about a 15, 16 hour day. Alex Greenwood [00:08:11]: I am not going to see her Thursday night. I will text her at some point, maybe a goofy picture of me at work and just say thinking about you. Hope everything's going great. So for me it's about being available and understanding that particularly at this age where my kid is at least I have to be available to her when she feels that need to connect with me. And that's okay. That really is okay. Because when you think back to when your kids were so little, I still remember my kid coming up to me and saying she's four, will you play with me. And I was running my own business back then. Alex Greenwood [00:08:43]: I was working a lot of hours then too. But I did have the wherewithal to know because I had a. My dad didn't necessarily play with us all that much. But I realized this is important to this kid. She doesn't have any siblings. I'm here. Let's do that. So that's how it evolves, I think for me, I don't know if I answered your question very effectively, but it's availability. Alex Greenwood [00:09:01]: It's those touches. No matter how busy you get, remember the one reason you are working so hard is to provide for her. And that's what I'm doing. And she plans on attending the university where I work. And she's going to get a nice break on her tuition. So it's worth it for me when I'm driving all that way. And I miss her a little bit more than I'd like to, knowing that one, I'll see her a lot more when she comes to university here. I'll go to lunch with her at least once a week. Alex Greenwood [00:09:25]: I told her that. And two, it'll save her the burden of worrying about student loans too much. Alex Greenwood [00:09:30]: You're lucky because I work in higher ed as well and neither of my daughters want to come to the university where I go to where I work. So. So they're not getting the tuition benefit that your daughter's getting. So I say that in jest, but it's great to be able to have her be. To take that advantage of that. Not only for her, but really for you too, because it again, allows for you to keep that connection. Alex Greenwood [00:09:51]: I know she's an extraordinarily pragmatic person and she's so different from her mother and I, which is. I'm so glad she's a jock. She's a talented athlete. She's also makes like a 3.8 on average. She's been accepted into an accelerated medical professionals program. She wants to be a nurse. She knows who she is and she's a kind person and pragmatic and also understands that money doesn't grow on trees. She's an only child being raised by her mother, who's an only child. Alex Greenwood [00:10:17]: I was one of four, but I was kind of the middle. And I think that one reason our daughter's like that is she was raised by two adults and we never talked baby talk to her. We never talked down to her. We talked to her like a little human. We didn't talk to her like an adult, but we talked to her like a little human, you know what I mean? And she's always been extraordinarily verbal and had good verbal skills, which has impressed people. And I think another thing she learned, too, her old man was an old politician. So I taught her, like when she was about 8, how to shake hands with people. And I said, you extend your hand, you look them in the eye, and you use their name and you say, chris, it is lovely to meet you. Alex Greenwood [00:10:51]: I'm Caroline, and I've seen her do this. Speaking of my dad, we lost my dad in January and we had to go to Oklahoma for the funeral. And she met all these extended family she didn't really know. Second cousins, third cousins, uncles, aunts, great aunts, you know, all those folks that. You know what I mean? You're a kid, you have no idea who they are. And she did that without fail. And I can't tell you how many of my cousins came up and said, good Lord, that young lady, she just walks right up and shakes your hand, looks you in the eye. And I'm so proud of something like that, that. Alex Greenwood [00:11:20]: Because that's a skill she can use. When I say it's a skill, it's a skill, though, that is indicative of somebody who is a young person who is confident and wants to engage. And I just couldn't be happier with that. Alex Greenwood [00:11:32]: It's such a great skill to be able to have, especially going into a helping profession where you're going to be having to interact with so many different people. And it's definitely a skill that all of us should work to help our kids to be able to is making those connections with others and building those intentional connections with others. Speaking of intentionality, talk to me about what you do to intentionally let your daughter know that she is being valued and heard. Alex Greenwood [00:12:01]: Well, if I could, I'll take a step back and tell you a little bit about how my wife and I have been parenting Caroline. And one of the things my wife, Stephanie and I decided early on was that parenting isn't about control. It's about preparing your child to stand on her own. And again, I'm an older parent. I am not going to be around, likely for 60 more years, for sure. 50, doubt it. 40, maybe. But the point being, a lot of folks whose parents are younger, they're going to have more time with, God willing. Alex Greenwood [00:12:27]: So I decided early on we decided that parenting isn't about control. It's about repairing your child to stand on her own. And so we told Caroline from the time she was very little that for the first part of her life. Your mom and I are your boss now. When you get a little older and you get into college, we're not necessarily your boss. We're more like your supervisor. We're here if you need us, but we still control the purse strings. You know, we have your paycheck, so to speak, and all that, and we expect you to do certain things, but we're not watching you every minute of the day, telling you what you can, can't do, what to eat and all that kind of thing like you do with a baby or a little, little kid. Alex Greenwood [00:12:57]: So college, we hope to be like her supervisors, still keeping an eye on her, but letting her take the lead. So then when she graduates and gets a job, we want to become her consultants. And hopefully, as life goes on, we'll be blessed to be her friends from that point. So along that way, we've tried to her with some core values. Respect for herself and others. Curiosity and critical thinking are huge with us. Kindness and resilience. She's a very talented, very strong athlete. Alex Greenwood [00:13:24]: But she's also realizing as she gets older, she probably isn't going to walk onto the university volleyball team. She's good, but she's probably not going to do that. And she's fine with it. She knows how the world works in that regard, and she doesn't take it too hard. And it seems to be working so far, pretty well, this way of raising her and watching her grow into what I believe is a thoughtful, capable young adult who lives those values in her own way. And that's just been one of the greatest privileges of my life, is to realize that. So that's some of the things we've done to get her ready for life and for her to understand what we expect of her. I'll just tell you one more little quick anecdote that makes me very proud of her. Alex Greenwood [00:14:02]: She'd be so embarrassed if she knew I was talking about her and telling everybody this stuff, but I'm proud of her. And she had a friend in elementary school, a little boy, and he had an arm that... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38512235

Lessons on Love, Connection, and Family from a Dad of Three Daughters 10/06/2025

Lessons on Love, Connection, and Family from a Dad of Three Daughters Raising confident, independent daughters in today’s world is no small task. On the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, sits down with —a father of six (including three daughters)—to explore the joys and challenges of fatherhood and what it really means to connect with your kids. From the outset, Rick’s story is both moving and inspiring. He shares deeply personal moments, like his daughter’s journey with leukemia and the isolation of the pandemic, that highlight how life can bring families together in unexpected ways. What stands out most in this conversation is Rick’s commitment to being intentional as a dad. Whether it’s through weekly one-on-one “interviews” with his children or setting aside family time each Monday night, Rick and his wife model the idea that strong relationships are built with time, attention, and care. One meaningful theme from this episode is the idea of balancing guidance and independence. Rick believes in fostering agency in his daughters, allowing them to make their own decisions but grounding them with parental wisdom and support. He discusses how their family motto—“almost nothing matters, but God’s children do”—guides their daily lives, reminding them to focus on what’s truly important: each other and serving others. Rick also opens up about mistakes he’s made around perfectionism and the pressure to always get parenting right. He emphasizes the power of vulnerability—recognizing that nobody is perfect, and what matters most is loving your kids unconditionally. For Rick, it’s been essential to let go of unrealistic expectations and simply be present, reassuring his daughters that there’s nothing they could do to lose his or their heavenly parent’s love. Beyond the serious topics, the episode is filled with practical insights—like the benefits of spending time in nature as a family, creating traditions, and encouraging individual interests (from singing to salsa-tasting). If you’re a dad looking to build a meaningful connection with your daughter—or any parent hoping for fresh perspective—you won’t want to miss this episode. Rick’s wisdom and authenticity will encourage you to clear space in your life for what matters most: being present and intentional as you walk the journey of parenthood. Tune in to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” for more real stories and actionable advice, and get inspired to be the dad your daughter needs. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity. We have a great opportunity to connect together, to be a able to work together, to be able to go on this path together, because the journey that we are on is different. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:06]: Every one of us is going to have a little bit different journey as it comes to raising our daughters. But building those strong connections is so critical in being able to help our daughters to be the best people that we want them to be. And that's why this podcast exists. It exists to allow for you to learn, to grow, to be able to hear some different perspectives as well as be able to consider different ways of fathering, because there's no one right way to father your kids, and there's no manual that we've been given as our kids are born. So every week, I love being able to bring you someone new, someone different, that is parenting in a little bit different way that can give you some perspective, some different perspective on what fatherhood means and how they father their daughters to be able to build those strong connections. Today we got another great guest. Rick Gaiman is with us today. And Rick is a father of six, and he has three daughters and three sons. Rick Guymon [00:02:10]: We'll focus a little more on those. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:11]: Daughters because of the show, but I am really excited to be able to talk with him today and to be able to allow for you to get to know him and to gain some perspective on some of the things that he's learned along the way. Rick, thanks so much for being here today. Rick Guymon [00:02:28]: Oh, thanks so much for having me. It's great to be here. I love the opportunity to talk about being a dad. It's the best part of my life. So happy to be here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:35]: Well, I'm really excited that you're here as well. And as I said, you've got three daughters, and with three daughters, you definitely have had some amazing moments, some moments that you've shared together. And I know you and I have talked about some of those. But as you think back and you think to those meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughters, what's one of the most meaningful moments that comes to. Rick Guymon [00:02:57]: Mind and what made it so special as a family? We spend a lot of time together. So my third daughter, she's my fourth child in 2018, was diagnosed with leukemia, and she is all fine now and just hit her five years cancer free a couple of months ago. So we're super happy about that. But in 2018 was when she was diagnosed, and right at the end of her treatment was when Covid began. And so they were a little bit isolated prior to Covid. So when Covid came, we were good at this whole isolation thing. I had been working from home. We had all of these stipulations. Rick Guymon [00:03:30]: We wore masks. And as a matter of fact, we went on a Make A Wish trip with our family. Make a Wish foundation sent us on a trip and they sent us out to Florida, and we were the last one before COVID began. So this is the beginning of March of 2020. And while we were on the airplane, I teased my wife a little bit while we were on the airplane. We were the ones wearing masks. She said, I wish wearing a mask was more normal on the way back from that tr. Wearing a mask was mandatory just two days later after that. Rick Guymon [00:03:57]: So I teased her that, hey, you. You got what you wanted. But on that trip and all through the pandemic, we spent a lot of time as a family. I would say one of the most memorable moments for me was when my oldest daughter, who was eight years old at the time in 2018 when Tessa was diagnosed, so my oldest daughter Gracie, said, why can't it be me instead of her? Because Tessa also has down syndrome. So it was one of those situations where I saw my daughter be completely selfless in that mom. And I think what I realized is that, yes, my daughters are half me and half Mindy when you speak genetically. But I say they have just enough of me to keep them humble. And everything good they have is. Rick Guymon [00:04:36]: Is from Mindy. And to watch. To watch my daughters become like their mother was one of the best things that I've ever seen. And so every moment where that happens to me, it's just gold as a dad. And it was one of those moments where when she said that, I thought she understands what life is about thanks to her mom. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:53]: Now I know that as A father of a daughter, there's this balancing g that you play in regards to working to help guide them, to help them to become who they are. But there's also that fine balance. So how do you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into their own person? Rick Guymon [00:05:15]: Yeah, that's. That's a really great question. I actually think it's a balance between agency and then a relationship. So we are firm believers that agency is the most important thing that we have, like being able to make our own choices and own those choices and. And go where we want to go. But then I also am a believer that our children want parents, not a set of older friends. They don't want someone to just validate all of their decisions, although they may say that what they really want, someone that says want is someone who says, hey, I love you no matter what. Let me tell you what experience has taught me. Rick Guymon [00:05:48]: And so we spend every. Every Sunday, we actually have what we call interviews, where my wife and I sit on the bed in the master bedroom. And one child at a time, the other ones are just playing. Well, one of the kid at a time comes in and they get one on, I guess one on, two on one time, right? Where they can just talk to us. And we let them tell us their fears. We also go through their schedule and we give them a treat like it's a part of what we do. But then we say, hey, what's. What's on your mind? What questions do you have? We also spend about an hour every Monday night all together as a family. Rick Guymon [00:06:17]: And that's scheduled, set apart time where we discuss religion or we have an activity and. Or usually both. Or we'll go for a bike ride and get ice cream. And so we try to show in our. In how we're filling up our time, how important they are to us. And I think the relationship. Relationships are built outside of the duty part of parenting. So. Rick Guymon [00:06:36]: And that's why those moments are the ones that are so important to us where we just get to talk with them and let them just talk at us and really cherish those moments. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:45]: You just talked about some things that you're doing that seem very intentional that you and your wife do to be able to build those connections. So talk to me about intentional ways that you've worked to strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during challenging times. Rick Guymon [00:07:01]: One of the things that. That we believe is that there's no kind of hobby or talent that needs to be kept from them if it's a good thing Right. If it's good for them. So, for example, I love to woodwork, and I'm always working on some big project in our house. And right now, I've recently ripped down the fireplace on a whim, and it's now missing. And so now my wife looked at it and said, okay, we can have a new fireplace and move it from the corner to the center of the room, or. And this was her great idea, we can push the wall out. And now dining room. Rick Guymon [00:07:32]: And so, of course, we're taking the much bigger project. And so what I do is intentionally we involve the kids. We recognize that our job isn't to make sure that they're having fun all the time. Our job is to create happy, contributing members of society that want. That learn to have fun, kind of regardless of the circumstances. Recognizing, you know, like Viktor Frankl talks about, that their attitude and their ability to adjust their attitude to the situation is the greatest piece of agency that they have. And so we are intentional about. They participate in yard work. Rick Guymon [00:08:04]: They participate in weeding in the gardens and the flower beds and planting the gardens and mowing the lawn and doing these house projects with us. We feel. And they find, although they fight us in the beginning, when they do something difficult and do something worthwhile and valuable, that's when they find the greatest joy. So we're very intentional about how we spend time. One example is all growing up. I can't count the number of books probably that I've read to them as they go to bed. So I'll put them. Put them to bed. Rick Guymon [00:08:32]: And we've read through them whole Harry Potter series and the Fable Haven, you know, depending on what their age was, and the full C.S. lewis Chronicles of Narnia, and just kind of all of these great. And then when they can read a chapter book, I buy them a regular Kindle, not the kind where you have different apps, but a reading Kindle because they wanted to share a room. And so I buy them a Kindle. I stock it with a bunch of books that I know that are quality and that teach good morals and good principles. And then I give them a Kindle to. As they go to bed at night, they continue to read. And so we. Rick Guymon [00:09:02]: We. We find. We sit around the piano and we sing. We just. I know I've mentioned this to you, but our family motto is almost nothing matters but God's children do. And I think as a dad, that motto starts with my own family here. And then it expands to these people around me, and that gets bigger and bigger and Being intentional at every level of that, I guess stewardship, I think, is really critical. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:25]: And I'm going to come back to that motto, because I want to talk to you a little bit more about that motto in just a little bit too. Every one of us is not fallible. We make mistakes as dads, and we learn from those mistakes. So what's a mistake that you made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering positive connections with your daughters? Rick Guymon [00:09:46]: Oh, good question. There are so many mistakes I've made. I would say one of them is a little bit built into my personality. For a long time, I think I struggled with scrupulosity. And for those that aren't familiar with that, it's just this. It's a perfectionism in how you're living, you know, what you feel is the gospel of Jesus Christ, right? So it's this moment where you say, I'm so focused on. On trying to be perfect. That. Rick Guymon [00:10:11]: And then trying to juxtapose that with the fact that we're all fallible. And so I'm never going to be perfect. And that can just crush you. And it just becomes this crushing weight. And so I think for a long time I was sitting in a pocket of that. And so I think the thing that changed it for me was recognizing that because I'm fallible, there is no way for me, through my efforts to earn my way into heaven, I'll never deserve heaven. I'll never deserve all of the blessings that I have. I don't deserve my children. Rick Guymon [00:10:39]: I don't deserve any of this. Life is unfair and almost always in my benefit. And so I need it to be unfair, or if it were fair, I would have a much worse life than I do. What that allowed me to do is have that same conversation. I think women and young women in the media and in everywhere are pressured so much to be perfect, to look perfect, to do, to have all of the talents and to. It's just such a huge pressure on them that when I recognize for myself that I could release that a little bit now, I could speak from experience to my daughters and say, hey, guess what? In the scheme of things, this doesn't matter. What matters is how you're treating other people. When my daughters go, you know, as they got, My oldest is 15 now, and then I have one that's 13 and one that's nine. Rick Guymon [00:11:23]: And as they've gone into junior high and high school, talking to them about the idea that you don't have to dress like everybody else, to try to fit in. You don't like you're valuable as you are. It was amazing for me to realize and help them realize that it's not in the moments when I'm acting perfect or even doing really well that I recognize my value to God. It's in the moments when I make mistakes and when I recognize that I'm imperfect, that he was still willing to pay the price for me. And so that was the thing that was so cool for me was it's like, oh, it's in my weakness where I see how. Where I can recognize how valuable I am. And so being able to say to them, you're valuable no matter what, has been a really important thing, both for me personally and, I think for them as well. Watching them be able to just settle into who they are and recognize that they're enough as they are. Rick Guymon [00:12:12]: And that my wife was a national champion ballet and jazz dancer. Really, really talented. And we don't put our kids in very much extracurriculars. We want them to live as kids first. They'll have plenty of time. And life isn't about becoming the best in the world at all of the things we do. And so just releasing some of that perfectionism that they were getting from me, that they were getting from the world, that they were getting from kind of all sides, I think was. Was one of those kind of critical mistakes that I was making. Rick Guymon [00:12:41]: But as we've kind of overcome, that has made a huge difference in the relationship that I have with them. I expect them to try their hardest. I do not to be the best. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:49]: Now, I mentioned that I would come back, and I want to come back to the motto that you talked about. And I guess talk to me a little bit about how you developed that motto as parents to guide your family. And how do you find that that motto helps your whole family to come together as a whole, to move forward as a family? Rick Guymon [00:13:12]: I would say that motto morphed over time. When they were really young kids, we encouraged them asking questions like why? Both about rules and also about our religion. And so we feel strongly that everybody at some point should be able to stand on their own in their beliefs, because you're going to be asked questions when I'm not there to give you an answer or. And I want them to think for themselves and follow what they feel is true and what they believe. So our original motto was obey first, ask questions later, so that we could tell them, hey, get out of the road. And then they knew. The motto was first, get out of the road, you can ask why, but when you see the car coming by now you'll understand why. And so we kind of got into this. Rick Guymon [00:13:53]: I was just kind of, as I was mentioning where we noticed that there was after cancer and Covid and they were starting to go back to school. It was. There was just this heaviness in how do you keep up with all of these things in the world that are going on? And we actually homeschooled them for one extra year after Covid, so they didn't go back. So she left in Covid, our oldest daughter, in four, halfway through fourth grade and then didn't go back until seventh grade. And here that's when you start junior high in a new school. And so she went from innocent elementary to the three worst possible years, I think in most human beings lives of junior high and middle school, right, where there's just so much unknown. And she spent that first year eating lunch by herself. And it broke my heart, broke my wife's heart. Rick Guymon [00:14:36]: And, And. And she is. She's. Gracie is just an amazing. An amazing human being. And so when it. Starting in eighth grade, we started to help her realize that if you're lonely, that usually is a symbol or sad that you need to reach out to somebody else. We found that when we were in our darkest moments of in the throes of cancer or Covid, it was then when we served somebody else that kind of let. Rick Guymon [00:15:01]: Lifted us out of that. And so. So we. And that whole. You combine that piece with the whole kind of perfectionism that was happening. And we wanted them to realize that they did not need to be perfect. And that how you find joy is so much more about the... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38218725

Growing Together: Consistency, Challenges, and Connection with Daryl Potter 09/29/2025

Growing Together: Consistency, Challenges, and Connection with Daryl Potter Navigating the journey of fatherhood comes with unique joys and profound challenges, especially when it comes to building lasting, meaningful relationships with our daughters. In the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, welcomes —a seasoned banker, published author, and devoted father—for an inspiring conversation about the realities and rewards of raising both neurodivergent and neurotypical children. Right from the start, this episode sets a heartfelt tone about the power of presence, vulnerability, and intentional connection. Dr. Lewis reminds us that fatherhood isn’t a quest for perfection, but a continual commitment to showing up, listening, and learning alongside our children. Daryl echoes this philosophy, sharing deeply personal stories from his nearly 30 years of parenting—a journey shaped by both typical milestones and unexpected challenges. His openness about raising a daughter with a degenerative, nonverbal condition is both moving and eye-opening, reminding listeners that every child’s journey (and every dad’s, too) comes with its own unexpected plot twists. A central theme of the discussion is the idea that parenting is storytelling—not just the stories we tell our kids, but the stories we live alongside them. Daryl explains how he intentionally crafts and shares stories about his own mistakes, growth, and childhood, giving his children not only a sense of family identity, but also permission to be imperfect, learn, and evolve. Just as importantly, he emphasizes the impact of the “stories” parents tell through their actions: how we handle spilled milk, failed attempts, or tough seasons. Our reactions can either instill shame or build resilience and belonging. The episode is packed with practical wisdom: the importance of consistency, the transformative power of focused listening, and the annual necessity of “rewriting” our own parenting narrative as our children grow. Daryl shares beautiful examples—like letting his daughter choose her own socks, even when communication is limited—that illustrate how honoring a child’s agency and individuality nurtures their confidence and sense of self. For dads seeking actionable inspiration and heartfelt encouragement, this episode is a must-listen. It’s a testament to the fact that connection isn’t about being the perfect father—it’s about showing up, embracing the journey, and learning to see the world through your daughter’s eyes. Ready to go deeper? Listen to the full episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection and discover more stories, challenges, and wins from fathers on the same path. Your journey to a deeper connection starts here. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have an opportunity to be able to delve a little bit deeper into the relationships that we want to build with our daughters. And every day we're going to be pushing ourselves to challenge ourselves to be that much better. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]: And we have to be willing and open to learn and to grow and to be able to know that we don't know everything. We're flawed. We're going to make mistakes along the way. And that's why this show exists, that's why this podcast is here, and that's why I love every week being able to talk with you, to be able to walk with you on this journey. You know, I've got two daughters, many of my guests have daughters. And in this journey that you're on, be open, be open to listening and hearing what people are saying. Doesn't mean that you're going to take something out of every episode. I hope you do. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:40]: But you're going to hear things. You're going to be able to learn things from every person that's on. That's why every week I bring different people on, different people with different experiences that can help you to be able to learn, to grow, to learn something a little bit new that you can put into that toolbox of your own. Now, today's guest is Daryl Potter, a seasoned banker, published author, devoted father who spent nearly 30 years balancing demands of a high level career and the joys of challenging. The joys and challenges of raising both a neurodivergent child and a neurotypical one with grown children and a strong, enduring marriage. Darrell brings a unique blend of wisdom, humility, and heart to this parenting conversation. I'm really excited to be able to have him here, to be able to talk not only about his own experience in raising a daughter, but he also talks about the fact that he believes that parenting is storytelling both the stories we tell our kids and the ones we live ourselves. So today we're going to be talking about that and delving a little bit deeper into the stories that we are sharing, but maybe the ones that we want to share as well and how we can better create stories to make us better parents in the end. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]: Darrell, thanks so much for being here today. I'm really excited. Daryl Potter [00:02:59]: Pleasure to meet you, Chris, and to be here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:01]: We start our episodes with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. I said you have a daughter. And I guess one of the things that I want to know first is every father has a unique relationship with their kids. You have a unique relationship with your daughter. What is one of the most meaningful moments you've shared with your daughter and what made it so special? Daryl Potter [00:03:24]: I got 24 years of experiences to try to filter in a hurry. To be honest, the probably the best experience is really one of the first because it was formative for setting me up for the following almost quarter century. And that is I can remember we described when she first came home as it being like a baby honeymoon. And when you think about when you have a newborn daughter, she offers you nothing except noise when she's hungry and smelly bits at certain times. And I can just remember those first few days of we'd take naps, my wife and I, in the afternoon and we'd settle her in beside us and I'm a little larger than my wife and and so she'd roll towards me and she'd wind up with her head pressed into my ribs, just quietly breathing to the rhythm a little quicker, but to the rhythm of my ribs. And I, I couldn't fall asleep. I'd afraid of rolling over on her. And so we would just lay there. Daryl Potter [00:04:15]: She'd sleep and I would just feel her against me. And I think that's been the I'd never had an experience like that in my life before, and it shaped the following 24 years because I recognized that I have to come to where you are right now. And at three days old, what she needed was a warm body to press against while she slept. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:36]: Now, with our daughters, there's always a balance. There's a balance in being able to guide our daughters while also giving them independence and allowing them to grow into the people that they're becoming. Talk to me about what you did to balance that for yourself. Daryl Potter [00:04:54]: So it's interesting. I want to answer that question two ways because as you mentioned, I have A neurodivergent and a typical child. My son is the one who's typical. So I'm a big believer that, you know, my wife and I have talked about we're raising adults, not hobbies or reflections of ourselves or what have you. And so early on we had that really as a mindset to be thinking about the future as we transition through toddler to school to, you know, on and on. With our daughter, it's quite different because she out intellectually, physically at about eight years old, her condition kicked in and more strongly and it's a degenerative condition. So by age 12, she stopped talking. By age 14, she stopped walking, even with a walker and, and so on. Daryl Potter [00:05:40]: So the, a lot of, so it requires in, in her case, so much more deliberateness. But it's the same philosophy as with our son. So as we, you know, for example, getting her dressed in the morning, it's so important to let her choose her own socks. She can't talk anymore, she can't get around by herself. But we can bring to her a, a options and she can still pick. I want the pink ones today. You know, obviously with our, with our son it's a, it's a totally different, you know, game and, and I would love to have had the opportunity to do the same thing with a daughter because I think it's so. It's so needed in today's society for females to be raised, for girls to be raised to be not adjuncts to the men in their lives, but to be their own person. Daryl Potter [00:06:42]: And as much as we can, we try to do that for our daughter. It's just very difficult when she can't even dress herself anymore. So it's a different scenario. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:50]: Definitely challenging. And I can only imagine, you know, trying to understand her needs and being able to truly be able to still build that bond while interpreting what is needed. So I guess in thinking about that, when as you said, she's, she's non verbal and she can't do many of the things that like you said, your son can do. What are some intentional ways that you had to work and maybe you still are working today to continue to strengthen that bond with your daughter, especially during these challenges, the challenging times that you have. Daryl Potter [00:07:36]: Yeah, I think one of the challenges that certainly I was, I would have had going into fatherhood and I think I've observed around me in society, friends, what have you, is that I do think men, particularly when they start having children or at a life stage, career wise, marriage wise, personal maturity wise, very goal Oriented, very driven, whether it's by, you know, family of origin issues or ambition issues or what have you. And there can be a really dangerous trap of missing moments, maybe even missing seasons. Our daughter was 10 days old when she we discovered that we had problems and we, we were event took a while to get a diagnosis. She essentially wasn't supposed to live past age 3. Definitely wouldn't make it into the teen years. The fact that she's 24 makes her a bit miraculous. But what that did for me early on is I had those as I described moments few days old of like bliss and imagining the future. And you know, all I have to do is just lay here quietly and she'll sleep to like literally a week later discovering she's going to be gone before long, like weeks or months. Daryl Potter [00:08:57]: And it had, I think it could have many impacts denial or what have you. The effect it had on me was like reaching into my chest and just grabbing my heart and squeezing and I was like, I have to know you, I have to connect with you, I have to. You might not even live to language so I have to eye contact, physical touch. You must know that I love you and I must be able to read you before you're gone. Now the little turkey wound up going on for almost 25 years now. And you know, so that was, that's been false alarms every few days for 24 years, which is its own version of trauma. But it taught me how to be a better dad to my son as well, that need to learn focus. And I had a friend remind me of it actually quite explicitly maybe half a decade later in a situation where he reminded me, you know, they're not going to be five forever. Daryl Potter [00:10:00]: A year from now you won't have a five year old anymore. So if, if you want to get to know your five year old, one. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:05]: Of the questions that I guess that comes to mind is as you're continuing to support and to help your daughter now into adulthood and doing what you can to be able to probably still push her, challenge her and help her in many different ways to be able to live the best life that she can, what's one way that you consistently are showing your daughter that she can always count on you? Daryl Potter [00:10:31]: You know, you used the key word there is consistency. For her to be able to count on us and it applies to neurotypical children just as equally if not more for her to know that she can count on us, we have to be consist whether it's sleep deprivation or moodiness or what have you an Inconsistent parent is an inconsistent reality when a child is very young. And that can lead to a very unstable understanding of how to trust, how to relate, how to read, how to enjoy. It can have really long reaching implications. And a child at 10 may start to become cynical if the parent is too unpredictable. On the other hand, a child at 10 can just become hopelessly enmeshed in trying to adapt in well meaning but ultimately unhealthy ways that have to be undone later in adulthood if they're going to have healthy relationships. So I think that consistency is absolutely essential, obviously positive consistency, but being reliable in your engagement that even I think sometimes. For example, I got a buddy of mine who I did a lot of camping with, family camping, and he was great because he had two rules, no falling in the fire or drowning in the lake. Daryl Potter [00:11:43]: Like those were his two rules when he was camping. And you know, I think sometimes we make too many rules and then don't enforce them. And so that's a kind of inconsistency that can feel well meaning. But maybe we need to think, you know, maybe there's more rules than just not falling in the fire or drowning in the lake. But you know, that's not a bad target to, you know, especially when they're really young to help them understand and then be consistent. Like seriously, thou shalt not fall in the fire. But maybe let tripping over the 10 peg go is not exactly a crime. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:27]: Now, you know, I, one of the things that also comes to mind is as your kids get older, you, you mentioned earlier, you're not trying to create a replica of yourself, but you inevitably, as your kids are growing, you have dreams for, you have ideas for them, you have a picture in your mind's eye of where you think they may be and then the reality sits in of where they end up. It may be very different as, as we, we've heard in the story of your daughter as well. So in talk and thinking about who your daughter is now, who she was as she's grown up, how do you, I'm going to use that word, consistency. How do you consistently support your daughter and helping her to pursue her passions and dreams even when she can't speak or do some things that you know, she wants to do. Daryl Potter [00:13:16]: If you think about it, verbal or nonverbal, we learn a lot about what our children want by watching them. How old is a child before they start really talking in a way that really makes sense? We might say two, but is it, isn't it closer to four before it's like okay, now I'm really fully getting cognitive communication here. But we don't wait till 2 or 4 to understand what they want. And I think a parent who's paying very close attention is not just listening, they're watching. They're being sensitive to the non verbal cues that their child is giving. As a matter of fact, your child is more likely to tell you the truth and the most intimate parts of what they want to express non verbally when they tell you yes, but their body says no. Once they're past age 4 or whatever the age is, you can start pulling on that thread a little bit and teaching them how to communicate, teaching them that it's okay to express, you know, a negative emotion or what have you. So in terms of how to help them onwards towards their dreams, sometimes that's just helping them understand it's okay to verbalize those dreams. Daryl Potter [00:14:27]: So do you want to go with your friends to do such? No, no, no, I don't want to do that. But why that tone? Why that body language? Why that? And maybe it's not, we have to learn some parenting skills. Maybe it's not a frontal assault to challenge what doesn't sound like a totally forthcoming answer, you know, and then to discover there's a rupture in the friendship, or there's been a hesitation as to whether they feel like they have what it takes or maybe like you don't want them to do such and such and to be able to draw that out in dialogue because, you know, we've had these sort of conversations with my son and engaging with my daughter where they want to do things that they're not going to be allowed to do. But by teaching them that it's okay to have the conversation and not be in trouble for wanting what they're not allowed. And we can talk through it and there may be alternatives. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:09]: Now, I talked about the fact that you describe parenting as storytelling. What does that mean to you? And how has that idea shaped the way that you've raised your kids, especially your daughter? Daryl Potter [00:15:20]: One of the strongest ways, I think we first connected over a book that I've written, something more, Living well in a Broken World, that was published last year. Kind of a deep dive on the whole topic of storytelling as a process of unpacking. Call it the meaning of life, living well in a broken world. How to navigate the hungers and dissatisfactions and complexities of being an adult on a planet that doesn't always do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. And so for the storytelling Aspect both in the book and in life. We're storytelling creatures. We remember stories. I could give you a whole list of facts, but if I gave you a brief story, you know, a week from now, you might. Daryl Potter [00:15:59]: You'll remember none of my facts, but you'll remember the story. And the book starts with one of my kids asking me a question that leads to a story which led to the writing of the book. I see it working in a couple different ways. One is for myself. What story do I tell myself about my stage of fatherhood, about where my kids are at, about my role in my kid's life? How can I take the present moment and tell a story to myself about the future and where. If this was a. I'm a novelist on the side as well, so. So the, you know, how would this plot play out if my actions with my child today were the opening of chapter one? Where is this relationship going? Based on how Saturday afternoon's conversation went, it's also incredibly powerful as a parenting tool by telling stories about ourselves to our kids. Daryl Potter [00:16:49]: Our kids are fascinated by the fact that their adult parents used to not know how the world worked. Surprise. Kind of still don't. But we used to not know at the level of a 7 year old or a 10 year old. And the mistakes we made, what we learned from them. They learn so much from that. They learn our biographies. They learn a little bit of their own identity because if they're not adopted, they probably share some genetic traits that are similar. Daryl Potter [00:17:14]: They learn also humility by accident because they hear you tell how you tripped and fell and how you overcame a particular situation or how a bad choice led to some extra work. So the process of telling stories about ourselves is deeply interesting to children and deeply memorable. I can remember stories my... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38218535

From Struggles to Strength: A Father’s Path to Connection and Recovery 09/22/2025

From Struggles to Strength: A Father’s Path to Connection and Recovery In a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, sits down with , a devoted father and passionate advocate for intentional parenting. Matt’s candid conversation offers a heartfelt look at the ups and downs of fatherhood, highlighting the power of presence, vulnerability, and shared experiences in building deep and lasting relationships with our daughters. Learning As You Go One of the central themes in the episode is the recognition that there is no instruction manual for fatherhood. Matt and Dr. Lewis both emphasize that every dad is figuring it out as they go—making mistakes, learning, and growing alongside their children. The podcast exists as a toolbox, filled with stories and insights from other dads, to remind us that we are not alone in this journey. Overcoming Personal Struggles Matt’s story is notably powerful for its honesty. He opens up about his journey with sobriety—how a transformative conversation with his doctor prompted him to quit drinking when his daughter was just an infant. Through pain, persistence, and the support of his family, Matt rebuilt his life, learning healthier ways to cope and connect. His journey is a testament to the resilience that many fathers quietly cultivate and the courage it takes to make hard changes for the sake of our children. In sharing his struggles with vulnerability, Matt models an important lesson for other dads: you don’t have to be perfect, but you do have to be present and honest. This authenticity builds trust, showing daughters that their fathers are not only protectors, but also humans who strive, stumble, and get back up. Building Connection Through Shared Experience A highlight of the episode is Matt’s story of bonding with his daughter through physical activity, especially cycling and preparing for triathlons. Rather than imposing his interests, Matt encourages dads to meet their daughters where they are—even if that means learning to love something new. Whether it’s cheering at a dance recital or joining Girls on the Run, the key is to actively support the things that make them light up. Takeaway for Dads Matt’s journey reinforces a simple but profound message: being a great dad isn’t about perfection—it’s about being present, listening without judgment, and building memories together. This episode is filled with wisdom, inspiration, and practical insights for any father who wants to deepen his connection with his daughter. Listen to the full conversation and discover how you too can strengthen one of the most important relationships in your life. Subscribe to the “Dad and Daughter Connection” and join a community of fathers growing, learning, and connecting every week. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on our relationships with our daughter, working to build those strong relationships that we want to have with them one step at a time. You know, there are no rule books. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]: There are no guidebooks. There's nothing that we get. When you become a father, whether it's a father of a son or a father of a daughter, you gotta learn along the way. And this podcast exists to be able to give you some of those tools for your toolbox, allow for you to be able to learn from others that have come before you, and allow for you an opportunity to be able to build some resiliency, some other tools to allow for you to be able to know you're not alone and that there are so many other dads out there that struggle, just like you do, to be that dad that you want to be. And my hope every week is that you have an opportunity to be able to take some things away from each of these conversations, to learn from our guests, to. To allow for you to be able to gain that insight that will allow for you to be that father in the future that you see yourself as being. Today we got another great guest. Matt Strain is with us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]: Matt's a father of two. He has a son and a daughter, and we're gonna be talking about his relationship with his daughter and some of the things that they've been doing together to be able to strengthen that bond along the way. But as always, we're gonna get to know Matt a little bit more as well. Matt, thanks so much for being here today. Matt Strain [00:02:25]: Oh, thank you for having me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]: You know, we always start off our conversation with some opportunities to be able to get to know you and your relationship with your daughter a little bit more. And I guess, first and foremost, as you think about your relationship With Lily, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with her thus far and what made it so special? Matt Strain [00:02:44]: I think a lot of it. For a lot of us who had young kids, when the COVID lockdown hit, we were all stuck in the house really, really close to our kids. A lot closer than most parents get under normal circumstances. But I think one of the moments that really, really sticks with me was after things finally slowed down and we opened things back up. After doing all of first grade and some of kindergarten remotely, my daughter went back to school in person. And it was really hard for her because she had forgotten how to interact with other kids. Now at this point, we were walking to school every day because her school was only about half a mile away. And I would walk her to school, and more often than not, when I came to pick her up, she was just porn up. Matt Strain [00:03:29]: We would be upset, we would be crying, and I would ask her what's wrong? And a large amount of it was just this lack of remembering how to socialize. One of the big arguments was, you know, at recess today, nobody wanted to play the game that I wanted to play. And we went through this period of about two months where I had to remind her that, you know, but did you volunteer to play anybody else's games that they wanted to play? And she was like, well, no, I wanted to play my game. And I'm like, well, they feel the same way. And we had a lot of these conversations over the course of about six to eight weeks. And after about six to eight weeks, she started getting re socialized and re acclimated. And it wasn't just one aha moment or big light bulb, but I think during those walks and those conversations, we got a little bit closer. And more importantly, she got to a point where she felt like she could trust me and talk to me and that I would, number one, listen. Matt Strain [00:04:25]: And not try to tell her what I thought, but listen to what she had to say and that she could rely on me to not judge. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:32]: You know, that's so important, because being able to not judge and be able to just be there, be present, is something that is not always innately male. I'm going to say so many times men are programmed to fix things, and we jump right in with that answer. Instead of just being in the moment and listening. Talk to me about that for you. And whether being a father to a daughter, whether in that situation or in others, if you've had to reprogram yourself in any way, well, there's been a. Matt Strain [00:05:06]: Lot of reprogramming of me since I became a father. I have a lovely partner in life. My wife, Angela, she is a doctor. Which is the reason why when my daughter was born A little over 11 years ago, I stepped away from my career as a chef and became a stay at home parent. We wanted to have a parent at home. And to be blunt, Dr. Money Trump Chef money. And we had a desire to pay the house note and the bills and that type of thing. Matt Strain [00:05:31]: So she kept working. And her focus is she works in psychiatry. And she has helped me along a lot. And one of the things that we do as a couple is that whenever one of us starts complaining about either something happening at work or in our social lives or with the kids or whatever else, at some point during the venting session, one of us will look up and say, honest question, are you looking for answers or did you just want to vent? And a lot of the time the answer is, I just want to complain. I just need somebody to complain to. And it was hard. It's really, really hard because I'm like you. My instinct is, well, I know how you can fix this. Matt Strain [00:06:10]: I know what I would do in that situation, and you want to do that, but that's not what that person needs at that moment. So a lot of it started long before we had kids. One of the things that happened shortly after my daughter was born and I stepped away from my career as a chef, that was the biggest change. About four months after my daughter was born, I went into a doctor's appointment, and I'm a type 2 diabetic, so I regularly get blood work done. And my primary care physician noticed some abnormalities in my blood work and had me come back in to do an additional panel and brought me back in after those results came in to have a real serious conversation with me. And basically I went into the doctor and the doctor informed me that I was going to quit drinking that day. And I laughed and I said, oh, yeah, you mean cut down, right? And to her credit, my doctor pointed at my daughter, who at that point was a little over four months old, sitting in her little car seat asleep, thank heavens, during the doctor's appointment, and said, that really depends. And I said, depends on what? And she said, it depends on if you have any intention of living to see her graduate high school. Matt Strain [00:07:12]: And I said, excuse me. And she explained that the way that my liver enzymes were so far out of whack that she was fairly certain that I was within a percentage point or two of being put on a transplant list and that I would probably die before I got one. And so I went home and quit drinking. It was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I was a real jerk, I used to say for the first three or four months. My wife has informed me that it was closer to the first year. But at this point I am over 11 years without a drink. And that changed a lot of things for me. Matt Strain [00:07:47]: Having worked in the restaurant industry, drugs, alcohol, it's all just part of the world. No one even looks twice at the idea of somebody sitting down and having three or four drinks before work. Especially when you're somebody like me who was working in the kitchen, not out there dealing with people. Obviously it had gotten out of hand, but the thing that I wasn't prepared for was that when I stopped drinking, I had to relearn how to function. I had no ability to control emotions whatsoever because I had spent years and years just numbing everything. So there was a really rocky period in there in the early part of my daughter's life. Luckily, being as how this happened when she was four months old. Neither of my children have any memories of their dad when he was actively an alcoholic. Matt Strain [00:08:35]: They've only known me in recovery, which is a huge plus. But it really did prompt a lot of big changes in my life and learning new coping mechanisms, new ways to interact with people in the world and everything else. And I think that also really helped me become a better father because I was already in the process of making so many changes. It was really just one more thing added onto the pile. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:02]: So I guess as you went through that journey for yourself and as you said, you had to go home and just stop. And for many men who may be in that situation where they either they were told that they need to and they, they don't, or they think they need to and they struggle. Talk to me about that for yourself. And what allowed you to be able to be 11 years in, to be able to make that step for yourself as a man, as a father, to be able to stay consistent in this journey that you've been on? Matt Strain [00:09:38]: Well, in the beginning, I'm not going to lie, it was pure fear. I mean, I was terrified at that point. I was 42 years old. I was not ready to die. I had just become a father. I have this little tiny squiggling little bundle of love. I mean, we all remember that four to six month period. We've all blocked up the memories of the 3 o' clock in the Morning, waking up and wishing for the sweet release of death or at the very least, a longer nap. Matt Strain [00:10:03]: And, I mean, I'd be lying if I told you I didn't feel the urge to drink. I mean, it was there constantly. It helped that I have a really supportive family. One of the things that my wife and I did is we removed every bit of alcohol from this house, and it was two years before there was any alcohol of any kind in this house. And, I mean, we removed Nyquil, we removed vanilla extract, we removed cooking wines, everything. My wife, the only time she got to drink is if we were out to eat somewhere or if we had gone to a party or gone over to someone else's house. She might have a little. But number one was that we got rid of the opportunity for it. Matt Strain [00:10:44]: I stopped carrying cash of any kind. I started doing everything that I do with nothing but a credit card. Because with credit cards, there are receipts, and with receipts, there's accountability. That was a request that I made, not her. That I looked up and said, I need to do this for me. And again, after that initial period, I started to come alive again. I started doing things that I hadn't done in decades, whether it was spending more time reading or, you know, going hiking in the woods again and getting outside, things that I just wasn't doing and hadn't been doing for the last 20 years and really started to enjoy living life. And after a while, it just became a personal challenge to realize that I'm stronger than this. Matt Strain [00:11:33]: Again, I hate to go back to those stereotypical I'm a man type mentalities, but it was, I'm not going to let this be. And I worked hard and I struggled. There's no two ways about it. Like everyone who goes through this process, there were stumbles. There were stumbles. But one of the phrases that I use is a lot of time, you'll hear people, people that will keep a list of, I've been sober for this many days, and then they stumble and they have a drink, and suddenly they're like, well, I've undone the past six months worth of work, and the answer is no. No, you haven't. You had one bad day. Matt Strain [00:12:06]: That doesn't discount the six months prior to that. Unless you let it get up, dust yourself off, and get right back on the right path. After about two years, it became the new norm for me. One of the other big ones, and this was the hardest one for me, was that I realized that the best thing I could do was to be very, very public and open about the fact that I couldn't drink. I let all my friends know. I let all of my family know because that made them help look out for me. And again, if you've informed your friends that I have a problem and I can't drink and you find them still offering you drinks, newsflash, those are not your friends. Those are just drinking buddies. Matt Strain [00:12:49]: Your real friends are going to be like, oh, well then, yeah, let's keep this away from you. And it makes a huge difference. One of the funniest stories. As you know, I've been involved with the National At Home dad Network for a number of years and they throw a convention every year. So it was in 2021, right after the COVID lockdown. We had skipped a year and done a virtual convention. And then we did an in person one in Cincinnati and we were doing our kickoff party, which was convention Eve, and it was at this Irish bar. And as an intro, after I had been sober for about probably close to five or six years, we were out to eat one day and they had some non alcoholic beers on the menu. Matt Strain [00:13:31]: And I thought, you know, I'm going to try one of these. I mean, I had been very nervous about doing it for years prior to that for the fear that this might trigger cravings or whatever else. But I felt pretty confident in my sobriety at that point. And also I was just buying a bottle at a restaurant. It's not like it was here at the house. And we still had all the safety measures as far as credit cards and everything else in place and it was really tasty and it made me remember that I really like beer for the flavor, but that wasn't what I was using to fuel my alcoholism. Honestly, beer just couldn't get me where I needed to go. I was drinking hard liquor for that. Matt Strain [00:14:06]: And so I've begun drinking non alcoholic beer fairly regularly. So I'm standing at the bar as we're getting ready for this kickoff party and I had asked the bartender if they had an non alcoholic beer and he was like, oh yeah. We just got in this new Lagunitas IPA that's non alcoholic. And I'm like, great, I'd love to try one. And they brought one up and they popped open the bottle. And here I am holding a brown bottle of non alcoholic beer in my hand, taking a sip when somebody comes up the stairs. And it's one of the other guys that comes to the convention regularly who's a friend of mine, and he's not a small man, he comes running across the floor of this second story restaurant. And I mean literally, I can hear the thumping and literally jumps in my face and is like, what the hell are you doing? And I'm like, it's not alcoholic. Matt Strain [00:14:53]: And he's like, oh, oh crap. I'm really sorry, man. And my immediate response was, no, don't be sorry. I love that. Like that shows me that you actually care. But his thing was he had never seen me with a bottled non alcoholic beer. All the stuff that I drank was always in can. But the fact is having people that are willing to have your back at that level really does help because I think you'll find that most of the people that care about you want you to do what's good for you. Matt Strain [00:15:21]: And there are some people out there who can drink in moderation. I'm just not one of them. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:25]: So you're 11 years in and your daughter is 11. And so I guess one question that I have is as she gets older, there's going to be things that will be temptations for her. As your son gets older, you've gone through this yourself and how do you hope to have conversations with them about your journey and what's brought you to where you are today and the decisions that they make in their lives? Matt Strain [00:15:53]: Well, we've already had some of those conversations early on. I mean, my wife enjoys a glass of wine every now and then, occasionally hard cider or mead. But literally she will pour herself a glass of mead with dinner one night and then put a cork in the bottle and put it in the fridge and it might sit there for like three, four, five days before she bothers pouring another one. I, on the other hand, didn't understand why a bottle of Jameson had a screw top because once I opened it, I wasn't stopping till it was empty. When they were younger, they were oblivious. They didn't think anything of it. But as they've gotten older,... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38218385

Exploring the Many Faces of Father-Daughter Relationships 09/15/2025

Exploring the Many Faces of Father-Daughter Relationships In a special episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, sits down for a heartfelt conversation with , editor of the new anthology , and two of the book’s contributors, and . Their discussion dives deep into the intricate, emotional, and sometimes complicated relationships between fathers and daughters—and why these connections matter. The episode opens with all three guests sharing luminous memories of their fathers: trips to bookstores and theaters, bonding over poetry, or learning life skills under a car’s hood. These small moments, they reveal, helped shape their identities and instilled confidence, independence, and a profound sense of being seen. Whether it’s Michelle’s story of her dad sightseeing at news stations to support her journalism dreams, Susan’s father teaching her to be self-sufficient, or Joanna recollecting her father’s irrepressible optimism despite family tragedy, the stories resonate with authenticity and vulnerability. A powerful theme throughout the conversation is the diversity—the “spectrum”—of fatherhood. The guests discuss how no two parent-child relationships are the same, and how the book’s essays echo this truth. The episode also delves into how culture, memory, and generational dynamics play pivotal roles in shaping both closeness and distance within families. For immigrant daughters like Susan, a father’s traditions and sacrifices root identity and values; for Joanna, storytelling was both a magic veil and a way to process hidden family pain. The conversation is not just about nostalgia; it’s about growth, honesty, and the hope that openness leads to better understanding. The guests reflect candidly on how writing about their childhoods and their fathers challenged them as both daughters and parents, inspiring them to be more transparent with their own children. Essential advice emerges: listen deeply, let your daughters into your world, and foster mutual trust. The episode’s warmth and wisdom are a reminder that strengthening father-daughter relationships isn’t about being perfect—it’s about showing up, being present, and truly listening. Whether you're a dad, a daughter, or simply curious about family relationships, this episode promises thoughtful stories, practical advice, and a boost of inspiration. Listen now and discover new ways to connect and grow alongside those you love. Ready to deepen your connection? Tune in to this moving conversation on the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I am so excited that you're back with us again this week. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:57]: As always, every week, we have a great opportunity to be able to learn and to grow and to find new ways to build stronger connections with our daughters. And that's why I come back every week, and I know you come back every week, is to find those new ways and to identify new thoughts and perspectives. Because every week I love being able to bring you different people with different perspectives that can provide you with some new tools for your toolbox that will allow you to think about things in different ways and to allow for you to be able to bring those new learnings to the interactions that you're having with your own daughters. And today, we've got three great guests. We don't always have three people here, but we have three great guests today, and I'm really excited to have them here. We're gonna be talking about a brand new book that is out there called what My Father and I Don't Talk About. And this is a book that brings together 16 different writers, and in each of these chapters, they are speaking to the journey that they had with their own father and really how it allowed for them to become who they were. So it is an anthology. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:09]: It follows the success of another book called what My Mother and I Don't Talk about, which was very popular when that came out. And it is definitely a nonfiction book that allows for you to get a better understanding of of that fatherhood journey and how that fatherhood journey impacts daughters in different ways. So we're gonna be talking about that book, but our guests today are the editor of the book, Michele Filgate, and then two of the authors, Susan Moady Dhiraj and Joanna Rakoff. I'm really excited to have all three of them here today to talk about their own journeys. And to help you in your journeys with your own daughters. Thank you so much for being here today. Michele Filgate [00:02:56]: Thank you for having us. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:02:58]: Thank you. Joanna Rakoff [00:02:58]: Thanks so much. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:59]: I'm really excited to have you here today. And whenever I have daughters on the show, I always love to start the conversation with an opportunity to get to not only know your father a little bit better, but also get a better understanding of your own relationship and how that impacted you in different ways. So one of the questions that I would ask all three of you is, as you think back to the relationship with your own father, what's one thing that your father did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter? Michele Filgate [00:03:34]: I would say that my dad used to take me to my local Barnes and Noble growing up and let me buy books. And that was always just. I loved that experience. He would go and he would go to the magazine stand because my dad would like to. He's a musician, and he would buy, like, Billboard Magazine, but he'd let me go browse the book section and buy a few books for me. And that was always a special experience to go to the bookstore with him and feel like he was supporting my bookworm habit and also creating the writer that I would become years later. Joanna Rakoff [00:04:09]: Similarly, my dad was a former actor and comedian, and he had grown up in the theater. His father was a theater critic. The Yiddish theater, I should explain, but also the mainstream theater. And from my earliest childhood, I grew up around. Around New York. Took me to the theater with him. We went to the movies together, usually once or twice a week. He had an encyclopedic knowledge of actors, directors, screenwriters, playwrights. Joanna Rakoff [00:04:34]: And after those jaunts, after going to a Broadway show, we would go to Chock Full of Nuts, which something only New Yorkers probably remember, and have a sandwich or Danish and talk through everything. We would sort of talk through what we liked, what we didn't like. And I think sharing his enthusiasms and his loves with me and bringing me into them, making me a part of them, was so integral to my becoming a person who was okay with being myself, if that makes sense. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:05:10]: That's so beautiful. My story is not that different, but my father never was able to go to college. He was an immigrant. He came to the United States in 1967. And I'm his eldest child and his only daughter, so I'm like the eldest daughter. We are a specific tribe of people, eldest daughters. And my father, even though he loves poetry and he writes poetry, was never really able to pursue that. He had to sort of work as soon as he arrived in the country. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:05:37]: And he became a car mechanic for many years. And so I grew up kind of like just around him at his garage, and I would help hand him tools and things like that. And one thing I remember specifically, we would talk a lot while he was working on cars. And I remember specifically when I started to drive. I have three younger brothers. And so I was the lucky one that I was the first to do everything right. Like, I was the first one that he taught to drive. When he was teaching me how to drive, I was a very good driver. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:06:04]: And then when I got my license, I thought, that's it. I have my license. I can do whatever I want. And he made me. He would open the hood of the car and he said, you're not driving until you can do these things. And he would make me learn how to change the oil, how to change a tire, how to jack up the car by myself. And I was like, why do I have to do this? I have a license. Can't I just get behind the wheel and drive? And what he was teaching me was he told me, I want you to always know that you're capable and that you have to be independent and that you are able to do these things, like, nothing should ever make you afraid. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:06:41]: And I don't remember any of my other friends in school having their father do that, which at the time I thought was not a great thing. But now I. And I realize I always grew up thinking I was capable. I never once in my life imagined I was incapable of anything. And I think it's because of the way that he treated me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:59]: All three amazing stories and definitely so important to build that confidence in our daughters in that way. I guess looking back, as you think about, again, your father, was there a moment where your dad's support or guidance had a significant impact on your growth or your confidence. And it may be similar, Susan, to what you just said, or maybe something different. Michele Filgate [00:07:24]: I have a really vivid memory of my father, really encouraged my love of journalism. So in college, I was a journalism major. And when I was a kid, we were at Subway sandwich shop, and he saw Carol Jenkins there, who at the time was one of the anchors on NBC in New York City. And I grew up in a small town in Connecticut, an hour outside of the city. So he brought me over to. To meet her, and she invited me to come to NBC and shadow her for the day with my father. When I was probably 10 years old or 11. I can't remember the exact age, but that became a really important relationship for me. Michele Filgate [00:08:02]: And it was so special that I got to do that with my dad. My dad always loved watching the news, and he wanted to support whatever I was interested in doing. So he came with me. And I still remember, you know, us getting a picture together with Carol Jenkins and Chuck Scarborough and Al Roker and it was. And Sue Simmons, who was there at the time, too. And it was such a pivotal experience for me. And then I ended up going on to be an intern at 60 Minutes when I was in college for Ed Bradley and two of his producers. And after college, I worked for the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric for my first job out of college. Michele Filgate [00:08:41]: So I just vividly remember, like, once I was there, how much my father's influence and voice was in my head. I was so nervous the first day as an intern, and then again the first day, this job right out of college where I'm the production secretary helping organize Katie Couric scripts. And I kind of felt like I was in Broadcast News the movie. I was so excited. And my father wore a CBS News hat and was bragging about me to all of his friends. He was just really proud of me. And so whenever I feel. Felt really scared or nervous, I just remembered that I just heard my dad's voice in my head. Michele Filgate [00:09:20]: I felt like he was there with me, just like he was there with me when I was a little girl going to visit Carol, who became such an important mentor to me as well. So I feel like my dad helped connect me, helped set me on the path for building my confidence in myself, and that was invaluable. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:09:36]: I remember when I was in high school again, I grew up in a very working class family, and there was. We just did not have a lot of money to go around. And so the question of college was always. There was always a big question mark on that situation. I had three siblings younger than myself, and there was a lot of talk in immigrant families when people are sort of struggling to make it. There's always this question of to whom should we throw our resources? Should we. We have four children. Can we give a lot of money to one to go to college? How can we work that and be fair? And I graduated at the top of my class, and I was excelling in English and literature studies. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:10:13]: And my father had bought me a typewriter at one point, which was a big deal to have a typewriter when I was younger. And then later he bought me a word processor. I remember it was like this thing with a little Tiny screen. It was like a big deal for me to have one. And he said, this is for you to type your stories and your essays and because you're going to be a writer. But when it was time, when I was graduating from high school, there was a lot of talk in the wider family about. People would tell my father, maybe you shouldn't send her to. You should save the money for the younger children. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:10:44]: And he asked me, do you want to go to college? And I said, yes. And he said, okay, well, we're going to make it work. And we did, and he did. And he took on extra shifts, and my mother worked as well. And so I'm very grateful that they believed in me. It's a very surprising thing. I'm the first girl in my entire family to go to university. It was a really big deal for us as a family, as a wider community. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:11:06]: So I'm very grateful for his support in me and his belief in me. Joanna Rakoff [00:11:10]: Oh, my God, Susan, I'm, like, about to cry. What I have to say about my father is so much less cataclysmic than either unmomentous than either of the things you two discussed, but I'll just say so. I was born in 1972, and my parents were, for the time they were, you know, kind of geriatric. They were in their 40s. And a year before I was born, my parents had lost two children, my older brother and sister, who were 12 and 14. And I had one. Their oldest, my oldest sister was still around, so she was 18 when I was born. And so I was born into this family that had just suffered this horrible, horrible loss. Joanna Rakoff [00:11:51]: And I grew up not knowing about this loss. But, and this is the important part, my mother was, of course, incapacitated by the loss of these two children. And she was a person who I found out as a grownup had suffered a lot of loss prior to this and had had a pretty. This is what my essay is about. Had had a pretty difficult upbringing, but my father was, you know, he had been a comedian. He is a very, by nature, cheerful, buoyant, incredibly resilient person. And he was able to bring that cheerfulness, that good humor that what my mom would later call, after he died, the shining light of his love into every aspect of my day. And I don't know what I am by nature. Joanna Rakoff [00:12:42]: Like, I don't know if I'm resilient by nature. I don't know if I'm cheerful by nature at all, because I think being raised by him led me to Be a person who felt that I could face anything, that I could overcome anything. A friend of mine once described me as someone who could always spin straw into gold. And. And I was shocked when she said that. But while writing the essay from Michelle, I thought about the ways in my father's approach to life and the ways in which he was always there for me and the ways in which he was never afraid of strong or negative emotions in a way that my mother would just shut down. Like if I started to cry, she would say, stop crying. Stop crying this instant. Joanna Rakoff [00:13:28]: Stop crying right now. Stop crying. And my father would just hold me in his arms and listen to what was wrong. So more subtle, but something. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:13:37]: Now I'm crying. Joanna Rakoff [00:13:39]: Me too. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:41]: I really appreciate all three of you sharing those stories. Now I think I'd love for you to reflect back and think about that perfect day. If you could spend an entire day still with your dad doing anything, what would that look like? Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:13:55]: So my father, as I said, he loves poetry. And I'm so lucky to have my father. He just turned 80 in December, so he loves poetry. And he has committed to memory entire poems and Arabic poems. His first language is Arabic. Just like massive quantities of poetry that he can just call up. And he told me once I do that because when I was working in my shop, I would just recite poetry to pass the time as I was working, I couldn't stop and consult the book. So I just committed it to memory. Susan Muaddi Darraj [00:14:26]: So his memory is incredible. And I remember when I was growing up and I was still living in my parents home, he would walk around the house just kind of reciting poems and he would stop me, I would be walking from like my bedroom to the bathroom and he would say, susan, stop, listen to this stanza. And he would like recite the stanza. And at the time when I was a teenager, I was like, I really need to do my hair and get to school. Like, I have things to do. But now I think if I could spend the whole day with him, I would just sit and listen to him. I wouldn't even say anything. I would just listen and let him recite poetry to me. Joanna Rakoff [00:14:59]: My dad passed away a long time ago, and in his final years, he had a neurological ailment that is not that well known, but it manifests as Parkinson's. Like if you met him, you would think he had Parkinson's, essentially. And so he was radically incapacitated in his last year. And so when I think about, like, if I could spend a day with him, I. I think if I Could spend a day with the him before this disease wrecked him. He was a person who was so adventurous and active, and he loved to travel. He traveled all over the world. He joined the Air Force right after he finished dental school. Joanna Rakoff [00:15:37]: And when he enlisted, he wrote on his application, he got drunk when he filled it out, and even though he wasn't a big drinker and wrote, I am only joining if you will send me somewhere in Western Europe in all caps. And so they sent him to Germany, and he used the two years that he was stationed there to travel to every single country in Europe except Spain and Portugal. I don't know why. Maybe he just didn't get there. And so if I could spend just one day with him, I think that I would spend it doing as many of the things that he loved to do. Like, he loved to play golf and tennis. He loved to take long walks in the woods. He loved to hit a handball against a court. Joanna Rakoff [00:16:15]: Like, he was really. He was a huge athlete. He played college basketball for City College. I would spend some time doing something like that with him, despite having not inherited his athletic ability. I would go to the driving range. He loved food. I would take him to eat a pastrami sandwich and a pickle, and then maybe I would take him to the movies... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38049630

Navigating Fatherhood: Lessons from Parenting Children with Disabilities 09/08/2025

Navigating Fatherhood: Lessons from Parenting Children with Disabilities Fatherhood is a journey filled with highs, lows, and countless unexpected turns—something this week’s episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection beautifully illustrates. Host welcomes , author of , to share his personal story, hard-won wisdom, and practical advice for fathers facing one of life’s greatest challenges: raising a child with special needs. From the very beginning, it’s clear this conversation isn’t just for dads of daughters or even just for dads of children with disabilities—it’s for anyone committed to being present, adaptable, and truly connected as a parent. Steve’s authenticity shines as he reflects on meaningful moments with his sons, the heartbreak and resilience of navigating medical crises, and the importance of simply “being there.” One of the standout themes throughout the episode is the need for self-care as a caregiver. Steve reminds us that fathers, especially those facing long-term challenges, must take care of their own mental, emotional, and physical well-being. “The stronger we are as dads, the better dads we’re going to be,” he shares—a lesson learned through years spent in hospital rooms and therapy sessions. The episode also tackles often unspoken emotions: grief for the future you envisioned, anger at situations you can’t fix, and loneliness when you feel pushed to the sidelines. Steve offers compassionate advice: acknowledge your feelings, reach out for help, and remember you are not alone. He encourages dads to stay involved, advocate for their children, and celebrate the unique gifts and victories—big or small—that each day brings. Perhaps most poignant is Steve’s advice for those just starting this journey. In the first bewildering days after a diagnosis, he urges fathers to resist the urge to isolate, reach out to loved ones, and move through grief towards gratitude for the child in front of them. For anyone on the path of parenthood—especially those facing extra challenges—this episode is a supportive, practical, and inspiring listen. Don’t miss it. Tune in to hear how showing up, adapting, and loving unconditionally shapes both father and child. Listen to the full episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection wherever you get your podcasts, and discover more stories and resources at dadanddaughterconnection.com. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, to be able to become those fathers that we want to become for our children. And every week, we do that with an opportunity to be able to meet other dads, dads with different experiences that can share some of the things that they have learned to help you in the journey that you're on. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:16]: And it is a journey because every day is going to be a little bit different. Every day we have to work, work to build those relationships with our children. And it is important to be open to the idea and the thought that you have to put in the work. You've got to put in the work. You got to be willing to learn, to grow, to be able to be that dad that you want to be. And that's why every week I come back and I know that you come back to be able to learn from other fathers. And today we got another great guest. Steve Harris is with us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:49]: And Steve is a father of two sons. And we're going to be talking about the journey that he went on and a book that he wrote called Dads Like Us, A Survival Guide for Fathers Raising a Child With Disabilities. And we're going to talk about his own journey. As I said, he had two sons. One of his sons has passed. And we're going to talk about that journey with his own sons, as well as the book and some things that you might want to think about, especially if you're raising a child with a disability. And I'm really looking forward to having him here today. Steve, thanks so much for being here. Steve Harris [00:02:23]: Well, thank you, Chris. It's honor to be talking with you today. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:26]: Now, one of the things that I love doing at the very beginning is talking about you as a dad. And many times I talk to dads with daughters. You have sons. But many of the questions that I ask are very much related to just being a father. So I'm going to ask you some similar questions that I ask to dads with daughters, and we'll go down that pathway. So as you think back to the time that you had with both of your sons, what's one meaningful moment that you shared with them and what made it so special? Steve Harris [00:02:55]: Wow, there have been so many. I have two sons, Andrew, who's now 37, and Matthew, who passed away, almost made it to his 40th birthday. So we had a long journey. And I can think of a moment with Matthew especially, I mean, comes to mind. First, sixth grade graduation. He had been able to be in school with a lot of special help and support from the teachers and paras there. They had a graduation ceremony. For some reason, Matthew was kind of verbal, not hugely verbal, but he could say things in moments that had a lot of meaning. Steve Harris [00:03:24]: They invited him to come up to the podium and address his rather large crowd. I was kind of nervous watching that all taking place, but Matthew wheeled up to the microphone, had a big smile on his face, and just said thank you. And for me, that was an amazing moment. It was very simple. Maybe to others it would not seem like a big deal, but the fact that he had made it in his life through all kinds of physical challenges and that he would sit there in his wheelchair and say thank you and be grateful. Wonderful person. Meant a ton to me that he did that. Andrew played a lot of, we call them handicapped sports, but adapted sports in high school, became the co captain of his adaptive soccer team. Steve Harris [00:04:02]: He was able to show some leadership and be a leader in a situation that was difficult. And I'm hugely proud of my boys. I'll say that I've got a million moments like that, but those were two. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:14]: As your sons got older and you continued to help to guide them in the journey that they were on and becoming the adults that they became. How did you balance guiding your sons while also giving them the independence that they needed to be able to grow into their own person? Steve Harris [00:04:34]: Well, the situation that they faced, they both had inherited a pretty, very rare genetic condition called Polysius Mersbacher disease. We didn't know that right at first, but. And Matthew was also born with spina bifida. They had so many physical challenges and long hospital stays, and they've had a lifetime of tough stuff. I have tried to appreciate them as individual people, that they are unique persons, you know, made in the image of God, with a potential for their lives and trying to find out in lots of different ways what that potential could be, I guess. Chris, I've just tried to love them. I've tried to be there for them. I've tried to, through ups and downs, tried to show them that they are totally valuable, priceless people, as valuable as anybody else who walks the face of the earth. Steve Harris [00:05:22]: That they're very special. And I can't think of one exact strategy I had other than to hopefully be their loving dad. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:28]: What are some intentional ways that you worked with your sons to strengthen that bond with them, especially during challenging times? Steve Harris [00:05:35]: Well, I guess number one would be being there. That sounds kind of simple, but the sad truth is that I talk about it in the book and stuff and other places that dads of kids who are disabled, they have a unique journey. It's a tough journey. It means that we are. I don't know if you agree with this, Chris, but I think dads are kind of wired to be the fixers and the protectors of our kids, definitely. So when we get into the life that we live as the dads of children with disabilities, most of the time we can't be that. We can't be the fixer, we can't be the protector. And that can be frustrating. Steve Harris [00:06:07]: It creates all kind of different conflicts and emotions for us. But I've tried to be there for them. Again. A sad statistic is that many dads don't stay involved in the lives of their kids when they are disabled, thankfully, as a small percentage. But just trying to hang in there. I think, number one, just being there has been a huge challenge and very important challenge for me in my life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:29]: What would you say is a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering positive connections? Steve Harris [00:06:37]: Dads of kids who are disabled are caregivers. All dads are caregivers. But I think we're given a challenge to be a caregiver over a long stretch of time. It takes a lot. And I think a mistake I made early is maybe not taking care of myself, not realizing that if I was going to be the best dad I could be. I'm talking about a situation where Matthew was in. Lived in an intensive care ward of a hospital for the first year of his life. It was a very stressful and demanding experience. Steve Harris [00:07:06]: It made it hard to live a really good, balanced life. And I think looking back, I should have taken better care of myself mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, right away. I. I think that sometimes in our quest to be great dads we may forget that we also have our own personal needs. And at times that sounds and feels selfish, and it sounds selfish to say that, but the stronger we are as dads, the better dads we're going to be. That needs attention. It needs taking care of ourselves, making good choices. Sometimes in the crisis moments, that is very difficult to do, but I guess that's one I would say. Steve Harris [00:07:40]: I'm sure there are others. I'm sure there are many, but I'll mention that one right now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:44]: Now, I know you mentioned the book, and as I said at the beginning, you wrote a book called Dads Like Us, A Survival Guide for Fathers Raising a Child With Disabilities. And I guess first and foremost, before I delve too deep into the book itself, give me the origin story of this, because I've written a book myself. I know how much time, effort, passion goes into these passion projects. But tell me about the. The journey and what made you decide that you needed to tell this story and that you needed to get it out into the world. Steve Harris [00:08:19]: That's a great question. It's one that I have a Won't say. It's an easy answer, but I have an answer. My son Matthew, my first son, was born on October 13, 1980. It was a very exciting day in our lives. Our first child. Things in the hospital early on were just going beautifully, just perfect. When they discovered that Matthew had spina bifida, which is right away, things kind of came crashing down all of a sudden. Steve Harris [00:08:43]: Was in a very precarious situation. They didn't know if he was going to make it out of the delivery room. Anyway. In that room was a number of nurses, but one of them, I noticed, was actually feeling quite excited and happy about the whole situation. And it struck me that she had that big smile on her face and she said, you know what? This is quite a coincidence. I'm taking a class on spina Bifida. Within about 20 minutes after they had rushed Matthew out of the room to take him by ambulance to another hospital for surgery, she came back to me and she said, do you remember I told you I'm taking that class on spina bifida? This is the textbook we have for that class. And she wanted to hand me this big, thick book and said, you might want to read this. Steve Harris [00:09:22]: My first reaction was a textbook on spina bifida. I don't think I want to read it. I think I want to throw it at you right now, really, to be honest. But that moment, which was one moment of even a thousand of that day that I remember that moment planted a seed in me that what did I need at that moment as a dad, as a parent, to deal with the crisis that was unfolding for my son? It wasn't a textbook. I am a writer. I have been writing stuff my whole life. But anyway, even in the first couple of months after that, I thought, there should be something for dads in those moments. And I started thinking about the need for. Steve Harris [00:09:56]: To write a book or a desire or whatever to write it. Now, it took me 40 years to pull it off because I kept trying and starting and stopping. And then I realized, you know what? Maybe I have to live this before I can write it. And that's exactly what happened over the years. Just learned a lot, experienced a lot, met tons of people, had experiences with my sons, like we all do as dads. But these were all in kind of challenging settings. I thought, I am going to write that book someday. Because I read a statistic recently that said that dads who had spent a significant time with their kids in an intensive care unit, 50% of them said that they did not feel like they were getting the information or support that they needed. Steve Harris [00:10:34]: And I thought, I can relate to that because you're in a brand new world right away. So what is it those dads, dads like me, could need? And so I said, I'm going to write a book. I want it to be brief. I want it to be practical. I want it to be like a positive conversation between me and another dad saying, these are the. Some of the things you're going to face. Here are some of the ways that that will help. Here's my story. Steve Harris [00:10:57]: It's not a memoir, but it's a lot of stories about my experience in those places. But basically to say, dad, you're facing a unique challenge. Is it going to be tough? You're going to make it. But here's some practical advice as you head into that world. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:10]: And you said, it is a brief, practical book. It is. It is a brief and practical book. As I was in reading through the book, I know your book really does talk about grief. Not for the child that we have, but for the expectations that we lose. How can fathers process that sadness without feeling guilt or weakness? Steve Harris [00:11:29]: First thing I would say is, you are going to feel sad, you are going to feel grief. There's no shame in that. There should not be an embarrassment for that. We love our kids. They mean the world to us. So to see your child going through surgeries and physical disabilities, mental disabilities, there's just a ton of stuff to feel sad about. So I do feel sad. I will always have a sense of grief about it, but kind of move. Steve Harris [00:11:51]: Grief doesn't go away. It evolves and changes. There's a writer, James Autrey, in his book about gratitude, says there comes a point in time when you have to stop grieving the child who is not there and celebrating the child who is there. That was a powerful statement for me. It's. It's not a one time thing, but it's letting go, realizing there's going to be sadness. But you move on and love the child that you have. You're sad because of some things that did not work out, sad for some dreams that never did come true. Steve Harris [00:12:21]: But you have a wonderful, precious child in your life as your child and you're the dad who can love him for who he is. So I accept the sadness, deal with it and move ahead, I guess now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:33]: Also in the book you write about the fact that many dads feel invisible in the care process. What advice do you have for dads who want to be more than just helpers, but who want to lead? Steve Harris [00:12:47]: Right. We need to be there. We need to be good advocates for our kids. I talk in the book about the fact that dads of kids with disabilities will watch a parade of people march through their life right from day one. Doctors, nurses, therapists, social workers, counselors, teachers, paraprofessionals. There's just a parade. A lot, a lot of people come in. It is easy and I think there are some complicated reasons for this, but I think it's easy for dads to kind of be pushed off to the side. Steve Harris [00:13:13]: There are times in the hospitals, for example, when, and I think there's some natural stuff going on here that moms are seen as the basic primary caregiving, nurturer person. Dads don't quite know where they fit in there. Sometimes the people are working with, the dads don't know quite where they fit. My advice or encouragement that I wrote about in the book was to dads that say, don't let that happen. Make sure you get at the front of that parade. Make sure you stay there. Make sure that you initiate communication with doctors and nurses that is needed. Make sure that people see you as active, involved and key caregiver in the situation. Steve Harris [00:13:46]: So yeah, my encouragement to all of us dads is to hang in, in there and, and stay involved at the front of all that's happening with your child's care. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:55]: What were some of the most unexpected or we'll say joyful lessons that you learned from your sons. Maybe things that reshaped how you thought about parenting. Steve Harris [00:14:07]: Both of my boys have faced immense physical and mental challenges. The disease that they have is progressive. It's incurable. It's been a journey of learning to take one day at a time and enjoy each day and to be thankful and grateful for each day. Sometimes we want our kids to succeed. We want them to be, you know, the star athletes and the best students and getting the big scholarships. And we have dreams for our kids. My boys have taught me that more about what's really important in life, what the priorities are in life, what's. Steve Harris [00:14:41]: What are the most valuable things in life. I wrote a chapter in there about pride. You know, it's. It's different for dads like us. We find different things to be proud about, and yet we come away with a greater appreciation and love for our kids than we maybe we ever would have had before. One doctor told me that he said, you, son Matthew can't do many things. He can't walk, he can't talk, he can't eat normally. He can't really. Steve Harris [00:15:03]: He can't do many things, but one thing he can do is stay alive. And Matthew had a determined spirit, a courageous spirit through all those things and even, even above that, it was a spirit filled with smiles. He had a smile that melted the heart, heart of every nurse he ever met. I never once heard Matthew in nearly 40 years express any kind of bitterness or anger or early on when he had more mental capabilities. There was nothing negative coming from him. He was in many ways the most content person I ever met. And yet he was living in a situation that was incredibly difficult for him, with scores of operations and what we would call limitations. But he had a spirit in him that was incredible and it was amazing to watch. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:45]: Now, the book also walks through some common emotions like anger, loneliness and... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/38049415

Humor, Heart & Hard Truths: Dads Guiding Daughters Toward Adulthood 09/01/2025

Humor, Heart & Hard Truths: Dads Guiding Daughters Toward Adulthood If you’re a dad who wants to create a lasting, meaningful bond with your daughter, you won’t want to miss this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. sits down with —bestselling author, accomplished entrepreneur, and dad of four (including three daughters)—for an honest, heartwarming discussion about the joys and challenges of fatherhood. From the start, Dr. Lewis emphasizes that being a great dad is less about perfection and more about presence and intentional connection. There’s no universal playbook for fatherhood, especially when it comes to raising girls who are confident and independent. That’s why he brings in guests like Rob, who candidly shares both his successes and the lessons learned through mistakes. One standout theme is the importance of vulnerability and authenticity. Rob talks about never hiding his emotions from his daughters, showing them by example that strength and sensitivity aren’t mutually exclusive. He wanted his girls to see a father who could be both a gentleman and deeply caring—teaching by doing rather than merely telling. Throughout the conversation, both Dr. Lewis and Rob stress the value of teaching resilience and self-reliance. Rob encouraged his daughters to try new things, pushed them to stick with commitments, and allowed them to experience failure—knowing these moments are key to personal growth. He highlights the importance of letting daughters step into adulthood on their terms, supporting them with guidance rather than control. Another powerful insight is Rob’s approach to life skills. Prompted by a late-night call from his daughter (“Can I put the green gas in my Jeep?”), Rob realized the value of giving kids the foundational tools they need to navigate adulthood—from financial conversations to problem-solving. His new book, , is packed with practical, real-world advice and a healthy dose of humor to make learning approachable. Fatherhood isn’t static, and the parent-child relationship evolves—what matters is open, honest communication and the willingness to keep learning together. Whether you’re helping your daughter make big life decisions or just sharing a favorite meal, every interaction counts. Ready to be inspired? Listen to this heartfelt episode and take away actionable tips to deepen your connection with your daughter. Tune in at —and start building those strong, confident relationships, one day at a time. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on this journey that we're on. Learning more, doing more, and trying to be the dads that we want to be, to be able to build those connections that we want with our daughters one day at a time. And I first and foremost want to say thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:13]: Thank you for always coming back every week and putting yourself out there to learn more. Because all of us are a work in progress and to be honest, none of us know everything that we need to know to be able to be the dads that we want to be. Becoming a dad does not have a playbook. It does. There's no right way to father. But there's a lot of things that you can learn along the way to help you to be that engaged, more present dad that you want to become. And especially in raising daughters, there are so many things that we can do to be able to build those positive relationships through positive communication. And that's why every week I love being able to bring you different people, different people with different experiences that can help you to be able to add some tools to your own toolbox that you can then take into the day to day experiences that you're having with your daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:06]: Today we got another great guest. Rob Findlay is with us today. And Rob's not only a best selling author and accomplished entrepreneur, but also a dad of four. And as a part of those four, he has three daughters. His personal stories of late night calls for help paired with his professional expertise make him unique, uniquely qualified to speak to parents about raising capable, confident young adults. Plus, his engaging, no nonsense delivery resonates with anyone who ever who has ever googled how to reset a circuit breaker at 2:00am I love that. And we're going to be talking about a brand new book that he has called hey, dad, everything you should have learned about life but didn't. And it is definitely a humorous and practical guide to the real world lessons that every young adult needs to know, but that are not always taught. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:56]: So we're going to be talking about his book as well as, first and foremost, learning more about him as a dad. But, Rob, thank you so much for being here today. Rob Finlay [00:03:04]: Oh, thank you so much for having me on the show. I'll tell you, I Wish you existed 20 plus years ago when I had daughters, because I'll tell you, I grew up in a family with a brother, dad and mom, but. But maybe a little bit more traditional where it was very much a man's household. And in fact, I go so far as my mom wouldn't even put pantyhose that she would buy from the grocery store in the same bag. My brother and I could see it. So I grew up without any real understanding of what it was like to have a sister or anything until Lord blessed me one day with three beautiful daughters and I had no idea what I was doing. So I wish you were there years ago for me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:45]: Well, you can still learn and you never stop being a father to a daughter. So there's always going to be more things to learn along the way. So that being said, I want to learn a little bit more about you as a dad, seeing that you come from that background. I guess as you think back to your daughters and raising your daughters, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughters and what made it so special? Rob Finlay [00:04:07]: I think one of the things is I was never afraid to show emotions in front of my daughters. I think that was a very different departure from maybe where I was, but they would know. And now it's almost the joke of they see a movie with a dog dying or something sad in the movie that dad will cry. And I think it was important for them to see that emotion. At the same point, I also wanted them to see what I wanted to portray as a male to them, which is I'm polite, I'm respectful, I have manners, I have etiquette. Right? These are the things that were important. So I wanted to be a gentleman and maybe a little bit on the macho side, but also showing that I had enough sensitivity and tenderness that I could support them at either direction. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:49]: As you just said that. I mean, you said you weren't afraid to show that vulnerability, but at the same time, you also had that macho side as well. And so there's A balance between both sides of that personality. And as you're raising daughters, you're trying to balance, also guiding them to give them the independence to grow into their own person. And so how did you do that? Rob Finlay [00:05:15]: I think it was about pushing them. I actually believe that I wanted to see them fail. I wanted to see. And I know that's very hard. I mean, parents can't. And probably back at the time, I probably didn't. But in hindsight, I was much more open to them exploring their own paths and pushing them, but not being overbearing. I wanted them to have interest and do things on their own, keep them focused. Rob Finlay [00:05:37]: If they made a commitment to do cello, well, you're going to take Chiello. You're not going to try it for two days and then quit. You're going to do it and you're going to try it. But if you don't like it after that, or if you. If you're really horrible at it, doesn't really matter, but at least you've tried it. And so those were some of the things that I did. One of the important things that I feel that for young adults and for young kids is to have a broader experience with other adults and other people outside their friend groups. And this was critical for me, that I wanted to make sure that my girls and my son, too, were comfortable networking, having adult conversations, and being exposed to things other than just mom and dad in their friend group. Rob Finlay [00:06:19]: And so since they were young, you had them in farming groups. I would have them come to business meals with me just so they could see what it was like to be exposed to something other than just the sort of the family unit. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:33]: As I said at the very beginning, going through this process of raising daughters is a learning process for all of us as fathers. And there are specific things that we all can do to be able to strengthen that bond with our daughters. For you, with three daughters, what are some intentional ways that you have done, have worked in the past or are currently working to strengthen your bonds with your daughters, and especially during challenging times? Rob Finlay [00:07:00]: I think, first of all, the young women that I see today, the young women that are my. My daughters, those are my daughters, we said, like, when they're in their 20s, are very different than the young women that I knew 25 years ago when I was a young man. And the young ladies today that I've created and I've seen are much more independent. And therefore, the needs that they have tend to be more of financial understanding and business understanding and things like that. And my Daughters typically will come to me with questions that are much more about their financial independence than it is about navigating their own personal life or personal relationships. There I think there was a stage not, you know, all fathers, I think, go through this where your daughter is the apple in your eye and she's there and she's with you all the time and she'll tell you everything. Then she goes to this different stage where maybe she's not as comfortable talking to you about boyfriends and things that they're doing. But then it comes back around where now these boyfriends are becoming, okay, this is not just a boyfriend, this is actually a serious relationship and we want to move in together. Rob Finlay [00:08:06]: So we start having those dialogues of that where it's a very different situation. It's not dad being emotional saying, okay, I'm bringing a boy to the house for the first time, it's dad, this could be my life partner for life. And what are the things that I have to think about from a practical or even a, I don't want to say business, but a financial standpoint. And that's where these conversations have started. And these are very difficult conversations because at 20 some odd years old, these are adult conversations. When you're talking about, one of my daughters has a very good job, her boyfriend does not, they're sharing expenses, they're living together. So now it becomes a different thing of, okay, well how do you protect these things that are yours and yet still have these relationships? And it's almost equivalent to what a prenup agreement is to an adult. You're now having these conversations with people who are in their early stage of adulting, just launching. Rob Finlay [00:08:56]: And they have so much to do anyways with just launching. They're on this what I call magic carpet ride of life where from the day they're born, basically until they have this big life moment which is graduation, and get thrown into the real world, everything is coming at them all at once. And now you have to compound it with some pretty difficult grown up conversations. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:16]: So talk to me about that because you are having those conversations. And as I'm listening to that, I know I have a daughter in college right now, she's not at that point yet. How do you approach that without stepping over the line and stepping into a lane that, that they don't want you in? In that regard, I think at this. Rob Finlay [00:09:36]: Point is this is where you let your child fail to a level where it's acceptable. But there are times where father knows best, even though they don't like it and sometimes. But I've been around the block. I've experienced this myself. And so coming to them with this conversation, I think it's more of the approach where I want them to come to their own conclusions, but the questions that I lead will prompt them. It's not that I'm trying to show influence over my daughter, but rather use my influence to let them come and make the right decisions themselves. And they are hard. The first move in boyfriend is. Rob Finlay [00:10:12]: Is the big one, and we live together, and it's gonna be wonderful. Oh, okay. But let me ask you, what would happen if, first things first, you get a pet together? Who gets the pet if something happens? Just think about. You make your own decisions. I think I'm very quick to do that with my girls. I want them to make the decisions, but let them know the consequences, the things that they don't think about. Because you're like, you're at a. At an all you can eat buffet. Rob Finlay [00:10:35]: You want to eat as much as you possib you can without the consequences of, oh, geez, I just ate way too much later that night. And so it is about having the mind. And I think the important part of all of this is the demeanor that I have to provide to my daughters is one of very calm. And my wife is usually very good to maybe give me a little pinch. Right. If we're on the call and I might get a little excited, they can hear it in my voice. I have to detune it a little bit because I think. And at least with my own experience, and it's also a little skewed for me, because my day job is my business, just like yours. Rob Finlay [00:11:08]: You're at the university. My day job is at a business, and I hire a lot of young analysts right out of college. And predominantly, they are young men. And so my management style with them is different. And just like with my son, my conversation, my tone with my son is very different. With my daughters, including each individual daughter, there's a different approach to talk to each one. And so it just comes back to the demeanor has to be set, and the conversation, the tone has to be set commensurate with the child. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:38]: You know, I know that there have been plenty of times that I've made mistakes, and none of us are infallible. What's a mistake that you've made as a father, and what did you learn about it in regards to fostering a positive connection with your daughters? Rob Finlay [00:11:50]: Well, I'll tell you, there's a lot of things. I mean, the whole Purpose of the book that I wrote was because of a late night phone call just on a certain instance. And I realized, have I taught my kids everything that they should know to go be an adult? And not that you have to know everything because you learn as an adult, you learn every day. But, but have I given them the foundation? Go out, get out on their own, get a job, get an apartment, make friends, become a good healthy adult. All of these things have I built them the foundation? And then it starts to do the. Where it spirals as a father, like, well, geez, you know what? I spent all my younger years when they were around trying to build a business thinking that it was important for me to provide for them. And maybe the providing that I should have given was maybe more emotional and less financial. So it starts to come around as what did I do wrong as a father? Now, fortunately I have a good relationship with all of my kids and but this book has really sort of opened up my eyes where I look back at all these things that I don't know that I taught them. Rob Finlay [00:12:49]: Was it because I wasn't there? Was I an absent father? Or was it maybe in many cases I told them and they didn't listen, or was it because I wanted to take care of them? And I'm very guilty of that with my girls. My girls, if they know if there was a light that went on in their car, all they had to do is go up and say, hey dad, Daddy, there's a light on in my car. And I would go run fix it it, I wouldn't make them do it. Now in hindsight would have been better for me to push them back to solve their own problems. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:17]: So let's talk about your book. And as I mentioned, you do have this brand new book called hey dad, everything you should have learned about life but didn't. And one of the things that I noticed when looking at the book, you talk about that green handle moment in your book and it's a powerful moment. So it was that call that you got. And so tell me more about that call. But what did that call from your daughter teach you about the importance of dad and daughter communications in the transition to adulthood? Rob Finlay [00:13:46]: So the call to put give your listeners sort of the perspective, it's the middle of the night, probably one or two o'clock in the morning, which for me that's, that's bedtime. I'm already asleep for hours here. And every parent fears this call in the middle of the night. And I got it and I look over and it's one of my daughters calling. And I knew she was on a road trip. She was traveling from Wisconsin to go down to Austin, Texas. They were looking for a job. She was a college senior at the time. Rob Finlay [00:14:12]: And I'm panicked because my kids know that a call this late doesn't. That has to be an emergency. She picked up, and I was like, what's wrong? Because that's my first instinct. What is wrong? Can I put the green gas in my Jeep? Nope. Hey, dad. Sorry to bother you. No, nothing. It's just a very quick. Rob Finlay [00:14:27]: Can I put the green gas in my Jeep? And my heart rate has to come down, comes down. I'm starting to pain. I'm like, starting to think, okay, I'm woken up. Like, I finally realized, are you talking about diesel? Are you thinking about putting diesel in your Jeep? And she was almost hostile with me. Like, how dare I even. Yes, can I do it? Like, she was frustrated with me asking questions. And at that point I realized, like, you know, obviously, maybe I didn't teach her this. This is shame on me. Rob Finlay [00:14:52]: But also at the same point, I felt like, was it because it was easier to call me than to go and look at it on her own? Right. Could she have done research? Could she have gone on Google? Right. I mean, we're in the Internet society. There's. There's ways to get answers. And so I think it was more about that she wanted to reach out to me, to look for advice, to maybe in a reassuring moment, because there were some factors there that were going on, such as there was not to spoil this section of the... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/37927660

Unlocking Stronger Bonds: Shon Hart’s Guide to Dad-Daughter Connection 08/25/2025

Unlocking Stronger Bonds: Shon Hart’s Guide to Dad-Daughter Connection If you’re a dad looking to strengthen the bond with your daughter, the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast is a must-listen. Hosted by and featuring special guest , executive director of , this episode is a heartfelt exploration of the joys, challenges, and transformative power of intentional fatherhood. Real Talk About Fatherhood The conversation starts with honesty and vulnerability—Shon Hart recalls a moment where his well-intentioned advice to his daughter didn’t land as he hoped. Owning his mistake, he shares the deep lesson he learned about parenting from a place of self-awareness, not old wounds. It’s a reminder that as fathers, our pasts influence our advice, but our daughters need us to step up as our healthiest, most present selves. Building Open Communication Throughout the episode, Shon emphasizes the value of open, empathetic communication. He advocates for creating a home environment where daughters feel safe talking about anything—even the hard stuff. Shon’s approach is simple but powerful: listen more, ask thoughtful questions, and let your daughters know you trust their judgment. By sharing his own stories—including mistakes—he models courage and honesty, encouraging other dads to meet their children with humility and understanding. Supporting Dreams and Independence One uplifting segment tackles the importance of letting your child pursue their own dreams, not yours. Shon, a former athlete, shares how he encourages his daughter in her passions—even if they don’t mirror his own. His support, whether it’s for her love of soccer or her entrepreneurial ambitions, demonstrates that empowering our children means respecting their individuality and aspirations. The Power of Being Present Perhaps the most resounding message is that fatherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. Whether it’s through shared traditions, like greeting rituals when traveling, or making space for honest conversations, Shon and Dr. Lewis highlight the everyday moments that deepen connection. When dads show up authentically and consistently, they help their daughters grow into confident, independent women. This episode is packed with practical tips, real stories, and genuine wisdom for any father—or parent—seeking to build healthier, more meaningful relationships with their children. If you’re ready to take another step on your fatherhood journey, tune in to this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. You’ll be inspired, challenged, and better equipped to be the dad your daughter needs. Listen now and join a community that’s all about connection, growth, and love. If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: , , , , . TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to come together, to learn together, and to be able to work on these relationships, these connections that we want to build with our daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]: That's why every week, I love being able to be here, to be able to talk with you, to walk with you, because you and I are on a similar journey. I've got two daughters, you've got daughters. You're here because you want to build a better connection, and all of us want to do that. And I commend you for taking that step, taking that step to listen today, because that's the first step. And showing up here shows that you have an interest in learning to be able to take that next step, to build and make that relationship even stronger. Every week, I bring you different guests, different people with different experiences that can share their own journey, their own journey as a father, as a person that can provide other resources to you to help you in your journey in some way. And today we got another great guest. Shawn Hart is with us, and Shawn is the executive director of Involved dad, and we're going to talk more about Involved dad and what he is creating in the Flint, Michigan area and beyond. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]: But Sean has had over a decade of experience in managing and spearheading fatherhood initiatives, and he has been working with dads, and not only in his own community, but beyond, to help them to be able to build those stronger relationships. And I had the opportunity to first get to meet Sean through the Dads with Daughters podcast that I used to do. And I love what he's doing in the community where I work in Flint, Michigan, but also in just being an advocate for fathers in general. And I think you're going to hear it in the conversation today and through the work that he does. And I'm really excited to have him here. Sean, thanks so much for being here today. Thank you. Shon Hart [00:02:53]: Thank you so much, Chris, for having me. I'm really excited to be back in your presence, my brother. So thanks for having me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:59]: Well, I am really excited to have you back as well, because as I said, you know, we. We had an opportunity to meet, I'm gonna say, about a year and a half ago or so. And I love what you're doing, but first and foremost, before we get into involved dad, I want everyone to get to know you a little bit better. So I. And being that this is the dad and daughter connection, we've gotta talk about that relationship with. With your daughter. So what is one of the most meaningful moments that you've had the opportunity to share with your daughter and what made it so special? Shon Hart [00:03:31]: Well, I have several. Right. But I have two daughters. But I will speak to one moment where. Where I fumbled. Where I fumbled the bag. And this was probably about two years ago, Chris. I gave my daughter so not so best advice, and it wind up doing. Shon Hart [00:03:50]: Was causing her to become susp from school. So in a nutshell, she was being bullied by some young ladies and me being a protective dad, you know, I told her to go to school the next day and to confront the young lady. Not to fight, but to confront. And so what wind up happening? The school contacted us, told us about it. And if you know my daughter, she's very introverted, Chris. And I just really felt bad with her coming home, just feeling sad and me not being able to be a voice because she didn't want me to go to school. She didn't want me to go talk to the principal or the teachers. You know, she just said she'd handle it. Shon Hart [00:04:32]: Well, once she got suspended, I felt really bad, brought it up to the school. But this was the moment that night when we were leaving her soccer practice, and I brought it up and I asked her how she was feeling, and I knew she didn't feel well. Right. Being suspended because she's a daughter that really doesn't get in a whole lot of trouble. And she looked at me and she began to cry. And so my thing was like, man, these jokers have my daughter feeling bad. She's crying, she's sad. And so my response to her was, you know what? I'm going to request a meeting with the teacher, the principal, all of the people that should have kept her safe. Shon Hart [00:05:11]: And her response to me, she looked at me and her response was, is like, dad, I'm not crying because of the suspension. I'm Crying because of what you told me to do. She said, I did not want to go to school and confront, I didn't want to do all of these things. And that's why she was crying. And so immediately, man, I felt guilty, I felt so bad because she's very introverted, doesn't like conflict. And I believe there's a way that you can help teach your children to advocate for themselves using their voice. But when she did that, I felt bad. And so I realized that, Chris, that the advice that I gave her was not advice from a 45 year old adult. Shon Hart [00:05:55]: The advice was from that 13 year old boy, that 13 year old boy that still was living on the inside of me, who when he was 13 did not fight this young man named Titi because he was afraid. And all of the kids in the school knew that I was afraid and laughed. And so here it was at 45, I realized that I wanted my then daughter, who was 15, to avenge the 13 year old Sean. And so I put my trauma on hers. And so in that encounter that we had, it gave me the opportunity to confront the 13 year old boy and me and give him some grace and ask him to forgive me and go through the whole process. But I was able to tell my daughter that very story once I made the connection of what really took place and my daughter in my arms cried and said that she forgave me. And it was a powerful exchange, man. So it was two people that were healed in that moment. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:57]: So thinking about that example that you just gave, what did you learn from it that will help you in the future in fostering a positive communication with your daughters? Shon Hart [00:07:07]: The biggest thing is about me being healthy, right? Parenting from a healthy place. Because my daughters and I, my children, we have a very, very strong relationship as far as communicating. My children talk to me about the most difficult things to me and my wife. But what was most important, what I've learned is, is that it gave me the opportunity to, to become a healthier parent. That when I make decisions or when conflict or adversity arise, that I would be a lot healthier. Being able to look through the lens of being more clear, not looking at, through the lens of some of my childhood trauma and parenting. So that was the biggest thing that I gave. I forgot all about that moment. Shon Hart [00:07:52]: I totally forgot. And it wasn't until that exchange where I remember like, oh my God, I remember when I was at this age, I did this and I'm like, man, maybe that's why I respond certain ways when my children Come home and say people are picking with them or whatever the case, I'm constantly reverting back to that little boy and me and how I responded in saying, I'm going to make sure that my children don't do what I do or did. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:19]: How do you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into their own person? Shon Hart [00:08:25]: I'm very open. I ask a lot of questions. I will give advice, but I ask a lot of questions trying to help them to come to the right conclusion and have a lot of empathy when I'm talking them through it. So I want them to understand that I understand where they're coming from. Like, there's nothing new under the sun. So I never allowed them to think. Think that their dad was always perfect. So where there's opportunity for me to give my example of my life or other people, examples that I've known that have made or that was confronted with similar situations. Shon Hart [00:09:06]: Mine is from boy and theirs from the girl perspective, right? So even like my oldest daughter, when early, when she was young, man, we talked about. I'm a firm believer is that when your children get exposed, then you need to have that conversation, regardless of whatever it is. Because if I try to ignore what they just witnessed or was exposed to at school, it is my job, my responsibility to have that conversation, to make sure that they're getting the right information. And so even when my daughter, my oldest, said that she's 21, about to be 22, when she was exposed to sex or whatever the case, kids are talking about it. So we had the conversation and she had a little boyfriend. And so my thing was, at the end of the day, when we got to the place of talking about sex, my thing was like, listen, before you do any of that, just give me a word that we can talk first. Just talk to me. And so my thing about it, and we had talked about a whole bunch of stuff, but my thing was, what she knew at the end of the day was is that my dad was there before. Shon Hart [00:10:06]: He understands. My thing was like, listen, let's process it. Let's make sure you're making the right decision for your. It's your decision. It's not somebody else manipulating you. Is not your classmates you. This is not that. And so, Chris, man, my daughter made it out of high school without doing some things or whatever the case, man. Shon Hart [00:10:24]: And when she got older and she was like, I'm looking to do this, she didn't come to me first. She went to my wife, right? But she did bring it to me, so. Which was cool. And so that's the type of environment that I tried to create, Chris. Far from perfect, though, but that's what I try to create. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:40]: Well, talk to me about that, because I think hearing what you just said, a lot of dads want to create that, but don't always know the steps. Don't always know how best to step on that path and move down that path to be able to build that positive relationship and build that open communication that you're talking about. What would you recommend to dads in starting on that path? Shon Hart [00:11:04]: The first part, man, is to deal with self before I can even create a safe space for my daughters to feel safe enough to talk to me about some of their most intimate. Chris, man, I tell you, yeah, I'm keep it pg, But I just want to be very transparent, man. My daughter came home one day, and she was like, this boy was trying to get her or try to convince her that was okay for him to put his hand down her pants. And, you know, all of this stuff, like, she coming to me telling me this information. And so, brother, I'm cringing. I want to go to school. And like, yo, let me Adam, you know? But it was important on what my response was, right? Because I wanted her to understand that it's not about the boy, that it's about her, and that I trust her, that I trust her. I believe in her, that she will make these decisions. Shon Hart [00:11:53]: Because if my thing, if I would have jumped to, I'm going to school, I'm doing this, it would be telling her that I did not believe that she had the ability, the tools, and I didn't trust her enough to make a right decision. And so I had to model what I promised her, that when you bring me the most intimate, the most difficult, like, we will process this, and we will come to a conclusion. And so that was a moment. She brought it to me, and I'm like, all right, let's process this. And we gonna process this until, you know, my head, we going to process this to. You are on my side, and you understand. But, yeah, so that's the first thing, is that you have to start working on you. And where you see that there are blind spots, like, really confront them, like, having that conversation of, like, man, why do I believe this? Why do I believe this? What can I do? And this is my last thing that I say as it relates to this, Chris, is that I am a firm believer with my daughters, because they're two different girls. Shon Hart [00:12:53]: What I would say is what does she need at this moment? I'm big on that. Like, what does this individual child need in this moment? One may need something totally different where the versus the other may need something else. And so when I have come to that conclusion, it gives me the ability to make a better decision in this moment, not based off of something else. They may need to be disciplined. But guess what? In this moment, discipline is not what she needs. What she need is this. And so that's why I try to parent from that place. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:26]: Now, I know we talked about a week or so ago and your youngest daughter was out on a college visit and this next question really gets into that. So as I think about that, because I'm going through that myself with my own youngest daughter. How do you support your daughters in pursuing their passion and dreams? Shon Hart [00:13:46]: Man, that's really good because this one, hers is in action, right? So me being a former football player, played at Michigan State University, you know, just high level, like all things sports, right? Like sports, sports, sports. And so I realized that, man, my life is mine and theirs is theirs. And so my thing is like, because I know what it feels like to wake up every day and, and live your dream and live your passion and do what burns you like that, keep the fire going. That's my desire for my children, right? So I get to wake up every day and help people. The opportunity of helping heal families. And so that's one of the most rewarding things, right? And then just recently, you know, I'm able to. I was unable to make it to the NFL, but now, Chris, I'm working with NFL players, been coaching NFL players. So I'm living my dream as it relates to a career. Shon Hart [00:14:41]: And so when you talk about your children, my daughter, who is extremely athletic, and I want to say this because this is important, extremely athletic, has the ability to do some amazing things. Well, I realized that she liked soccer, she doesn't love soccer. And she's been gifted with ability that can take her for, you know, places. And early on I'm like, man, if you would only do this and do that like you. But her thing is like, that is not her dream. Soccer for her is a ends to. Is. Is a, is a means to end. Shon Hart [00:15:14]: So she love it enough to where she enjoys playing it. She's gonna give her all because she's been gifted, she's really been gifted to play this sport. And she's gonna give you what you need. But her biggest desire is that she want to become a business owner. She wants to own her own Own hair salon, she want to do nails and things of that nature. Like that's what really drives her. So my thing is like, yo, whatever you desire, how can I support you, you know, from that standpoint. So she understands that soccer is a means to an end. Shon Hart [00:15:48]: Will allow her put her in a position to get a high education, to continue to play the sport that she enjoys. But it will put her in a better position to understand business if she go get a higher education and to get the finances for the university to pay for it. So. So that's where I'm at. Is that because I am living my dream, I want my children to live theirs, despite what I want for them. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:14]: Now, what's a tradition or routine that you've been able to create that strengthens your bonds with your daughters? Shon Hart [00:16:21]: Man, I don't know if we have any straight up routines, but there's a lot of moments that they do. Like every time I go out of town, I come back, my 21 year old is our thing. I guess it is a tradition. She created it, not me. I can't say that I came up with it, but. And I don't know how much longer we can do that this job. But whenever I leave and come back out of town, she would like a little girl. You ready, Daddy? You ready? Yeah. Shon Hart [00:16:50]: And my wife look at us like we crazy, but she was sprint from across the room and jump into my arms where I gotta catch her now, man. She's again, she's 21,... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/37926885

Harmonizing Fatherhood: How the Marsh Family Builds Bonds Through Music 08/18/2025

Harmonizing Fatherhood: How the Marsh Family Builds Bonds Through Music What happens when you combine a love for music, humor, and heartfelt connection? You get the —a musical, tight-knit group from Kent, England, whose story was recently featured on the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast with . In a moving and entertaining episode, Dr. Lewis sits down with Ben Marsh and his daughters, Ella and Tess, to explore what it truly means to connect as a family and nurture confident, independent daughters. You can also find the family on ! Music as the Heartbeat of Family Life One of the central themes in this episode is how music has become the Marsh Family’s language of love, fun, and togetherness. Ben, Ella, and Tess describe how their music-making began as bedtime lullabies and evolved into viral parodies that resonate worldwide. Yet, at its core, their musical journey remains something deeply personal—a way to create lasting memories while laughing together and sometimes tackling tough topics through humor-filled social commentary. Intentional Parenting and Meaningful Moments Dr. Lewis guides the conversation into the small, everyday rituals that make a big difference. For the Marsh family, open conversations around the dinner table—discussing daily highlights and “lowlights”—have become foundational. These practices show how dads (and parents in general) can help their kids feel seen, heard, and valued. The episode highlights Ben’s balancing act between guiding his daughters and giving them room to grow, especially as they move through the teenage years, and how parenting “by negotiation” fosters independence and mutual respect. Navigating Modern Challenges Together Parenting in the digital age isn't easy, especially for families in the public eye. The Marshes talk candidly about how they handle online attention—both the praise and the criticism—by maintaining open dialogue, deliberate boundaries, and always putting family first. Their rule? Everyone has a veto on family projects and their personal growth takes precedence over public performances. Connection, Laughter, and Lasting Impact This episode is packed with relatable stories, sincere advice, and a reminder that authentic connection—as a parent, partner, or creative collaborator—requires presence, empathy, and a willingness to see the world through your child’s eyes. If you’re looking for inspiration, new ideas on parenting, or just an uplifting story about a family who sings their way through life’s joys and challenges, this episode is not to be missed. Listen to the full Marsh Family interview on the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, and discover how you can strengthen your own family bonds—one note, conversation, or shared moment at a time. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those bonds, those connections that we have with our daughters. I love that you come back every week to be able to learn more, to experience more, to hear more, and. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]: And really gain insight into how we all are working to build those strong relationships with our own kids, our own daughters. And that's why every week, I bring on different guests, different people with different experiences that can share some of that journey with you. Because all of us are going to father in different ways. All of us are going to be able to build those relationships with our daughters in different ways, but we can learn from each other. And learning from each other is so important. And I always hope that after every one of these episodes, you've gained some, I'm going to say, tools for your toolbox, some things that you can just take with you to be able to start thinking about fatherhood in a little bit different way and give you some things to think about in regards to how you are working on those relationships that you want to have with your own daughters. This week we got an. We've got some great guests. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:04]: And I'm using the plural because we have three guests with us today. They're all a part of the Marsh family. And if you have never heard of the Marsh family, you need to go check them out, because the Marsh Family is a musical family group based in Faversham, Kent, and they are amazing vocalists. The whole family is doing music together. And one of the things that I love is that they are taking music that you know and love, but they're putting their own spin on it. So, you know, I. On their website, they say. They say sometimes compared to the Partridge Family or in Weird Al Yankovit, talk about different types of music. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:46]: But I love it because their music does have Humor and they, they have a ton of parodies that they do together and you can just tell that they really enjoy being together, making music together and creating a family dynamic that is really powerful. So we're going to be talking about this journey that they've been on, not only in their music but also in their relationship as father and daughters. Because I have Ben, who is Ben Marsh, the father of the Marsh family. And then I have his two daughters that are with us, Ella and Tess. So I'm really excited to have them here and to introduce them to you. Ben, Ella, Tess, thanks so much for being here today. Ben Marsh [00:03:26]: Thanks for having us. Yes, we're delighted to be on the podcast and a chance to kind of reflect. We're usually doing this music at such pace and this household is a very busy one. So it's going to be a bit weird and different to kind of sit down and reflect on parenting modes or childing modes or so. Yeah, really looking forward to the conversation. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:43]: Well, I'm really excited to have you on and I, you know, when I just had dads on, I am able to talk to you just about being a dad to daughters. But I love it when I have dads and daughters on because we can have a little bit of a back and forth here to talk about this journey, I guess first and foremost, Ben, let's I want to start with you and as you think back to the moments that you've been able to share with your girls, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with your daughters and what made it so special? Ben Marsh [00:04:10]: Oh, there are so many to pick from. I think there was a lovely moment at their grandparents ruby wedding anniversary that involved because as an adult you're kind of used to going to weddings and funerals and those sort of big set piece punctuation occasions and for there to be a moment when the kids were still quite young but you sort of knew they were going to remember it and to have a big kind of festival carnival atmosphere. And actually we did all this was before we shared anything online or shared anything in the real world, the public world. But we did all do a kind of mini musical performance for the grandparents there. And so there happened to be someone that got a photo that got a shot of one of the kids kind of sat on a, on another grandparents lap watching us all performing. And it's just one of those bits that you really feel you, you're going to remember forever and kind of get locked in. And it was a weird mix of Kind of being super proud of the kids having the guts to go and stand there and take a risk. The girls were so excited that what they. Ben Marsh [00:05:05]: What they do, in fact, they still kind of do it. You can see them tensing up just to stop sort of moving, because they move since being in the womb. But I remember watching them on that occasion, that Ruby wedding, and they were singing and their hands were moving like this as they were performing. So it was a mix of kind of pride, also knowing it was just a lovely moment. You have to savor those little moments before they fly past. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:24]: And Ella and Tess, what would you say to that? What moments really stand out for you? Ella Marsh [00:05:29]: I'd say for me, it was often on a kind of Saturday morning when we were much younger and it would be us four. We'd wake up quite early and we come downstairs and we have a Wii, which is like a Nintendo brand. And we used to love doing Just Dance. And dad would always come the morning in his pajama bottoms and we'd all be there for hours just kind of working through the Just Dances, which was a very, very memorable moment. Tess Marsh [00:05:52]: There's so many to choose from. I'd say probably a very recent one that was very like a fun experience. I don't think Ella was there. It was a kind of road trip that me and dad took a couple weekends ago. Went to a friend's house and then our grandparents. And it was just really nice because I don't really get to spend much time alone. It's dad. So it's, yeah, really interesting to just have quite a long time in the gut. Ben Marsh [00:06:16]: Yeah. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:16]: Now, girls, one question that I have directly for you is, what's one thing your dad does that truly makes you feel seen, heard and valued as a daughter? Ella Marsh [00:06:28]: I think it's just dinner times every day, kind of when we come in from school, it will always be a how was your day? And he always says highlights and lowlights, which means that we can't just come in and go, oh, it was good, and then walk up off stairs. We just kind of have to sit down and actually have a conversation about our day and give him the rundown of how it was. So it's just kind of that feeling of actually someone wanting to know how your day was every single day. Tess Marsh [00:06:51]: It's just a nice feeling to come back into. Yeah. And he also remembers all the little things. Like he remembers how I had a horse riding lesson today. So the first thing he says when he sees me is, oh, how was your horse riding lesson? How Was it. So he like remembers all the details. Ben Marsh [00:07:04]: Are just going that response where they just go. And it happens more as they've gotten older and older and they just go, good. And they leave it there. And so I think the highlights then started from that because I was like, no, I want to know something interesting about your day. Like, I've been at work all day, so like drop me one or two highlights. And then I sort of realized you're only getting like maybe they didn't have a great day or maybe it wasn't just highlights. So I don't know. Is that a made up word? Low light? Ella Marsh [00:07:28]: I think you just made that up over the years. You just developed that one. Ben Marsh [00:07:31]: But it's become a thing now, which is nice. Yeah, it's become a. Become a little ritual. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]: So, Ben, your daughters are getting older, both teenagers, and you can't stop that. How do you balance guiding your daughters while also giving them the independence to grow into their own person? Ben Marsh [00:07:46]: That, that is a huge question because I feel like it. The answer to that changes every day. It changes with my mood every day and what I've got on my plate. It changes with their mood every day. It's always a work in progress. I think that's what's key. And I try to be mindful that balance needs to change and you have to sort of move with it. And if there was a pie chart where, when they were much smaller, it felt like the pie chart of my energy and investment and sort of watchfulness, scrutiny, I don't know, whatever you want to call it. Ben Marsh [00:08:16]: Quite a lot of that, it was like a Pac Man. Like most of that was me. And I wanted to know what was going on with them and where they were. And I think trying to open up that Pacman and give them more time and more space. And it's always a bit of a negotiation, like about screen time, the usual stuff. With teenagers, it's a different challenge. It's kind of screen time. And I think, but, but also as they get older and are making those decisions, it's right that you step back and allow them a bit of that space. Ben Marsh [00:08:42]: So, yeah, I would be. I think we're doing okay. I think, you know, there are, there are always points where you realize someone's not. Not happy about that balance or about that pie chart. And I wanted to know where somebody was not. Because I. I think it's just when you're in that mode where there's a negotiation in there, it's just important to be up front about why you're concerned. And to make sure that they don't. Ben Marsh [00:09:04]: I try to make sure that they don't think of me just as a tyrant when it comes to screen time or, you know, that's enough of the laptop. It's coming out of the room because it's been on until. But that. This wasn't long ago. This is like two nights ago. It was kind of on until midnight or something. And that was too late. They were tired the next day. Ben Marsh [00:09:21]: And so I tried to be just honest with them. Say, listen, if you. If you'd manage to kind of not get tempted into that, and it hadn't stayed on and I hadn't heard it and it hadn't been disrupting me and you will not knack it the next day, it wouldn't have been a problem. But because there's this. You've sort of stepped over that line. And just try and make sure everyone understands it. And most of the time, we're okay. I think in these guys are, you know, get sort of get it and understand that what I'm trying to do is 99.9 of the time. Ben Marsh [00:09:46]: What I think is in their best interests. It's not for, you know, some other reason. I don't know how you feel about that. Tess Marsh [00:09:52]: Yeah, yeah. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:54]: And girls, I guess in the same line of thought, how does your dad encourage you to be confident and independent in each of your lives? Ella Marsh [00:10:02]: I think for me, it's giving us the choice. So with things like alcohol, which for a lot of young teenagers is quite an interesting thing because they don't often experience it, and it can often lead to problems if they haven't had it. With us, it was kind of like at New Year's you can have a glass with the family. So it wasn't like when we're off with friends, it's a really new thing. And the screen time and stuff, he kind of does it in that he will say, how much do you think you should have? Which kind of sets you back a bit. And you're like, he's giving me the choice. But actually it makes you kind of reflect and be like, oh, okay, maybe I should have an hour and a half a day. And then you kind of reach an understanding where you both agree and you're kind of given that choice as well as realizing that you should probably be mature about it and sensible in your decisions. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:48]: Yeah. Tess Marsh [00:10:48]: And there's also this stuff about, like, building our confidence. Like, there's been loads of times, I think when we went to America, we went to Universal Studios. There was, like, so many roller coasters, and I didn't want to go on any of them because I'm terrified of roller coasters. Like, he gives us, like, a push, so, like, he'll tell us, oh, no, no, you can do it. But he never, like, pushes, like, too far when I really don't want to do something. He would, like, never force us to do something. But, like, he sometimes just gives us a little push. And then I ended up quite enjoying one of the roller coasters. Tess Marsh [00:11:17]: Not one of the. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:19]: Now, Ben, none of us are perfect. We make mistakes. What's a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection? Ben Marsh [00:11:32]: I'm tempted to say you should just ask my wife, because I'm sure she's got a much longer list than I could come up with. She's upstairs. I think there are times when my drive and kind of determination to get something done and the kind of perfectionism that I impose on myself, I think sometimes I put on other people. I have expectations of other people. And there was a time in particular, actually connected to the music because that's something where we're always super mindful of what's a reasonable expectation, what's a benefit to everybody, what's something that everyone's enjoying and when. Have you stepped too far? Like, has any of the kids ever not been able to go to a friend's house or whatever? Because we're doing a music thing and it's become more than just a hobby. And so there was one time, I remember actually with it, with Ella trying to get a sort of cornet part in for a stem for what was going to be a kind of commercial track. And she was doing a brilliant job. Ben Marsh [00:12:21]: And the cornet's a really tough instrument to play. I can't play the cornet. It's got these valves. I don't understand brass instruments. Right. It's got. So there's all different sort of things can go wrong to do with the lip, to do with the mouthpiece, to do with the valves. And this was also like 8 or 9 o' clock in the evening when she was a bit younger and she was kind of struggling to do it, but she was really only carrying on because she wanted to do it for me. Ben Marsh [00:12:42]: And that's what she was thinking about. And I wasn't really processing this in the moment. I was like, we have to get this done. So I got caught in a loop that I hadn't realized. And I vividly remember she kind of did her absolute best. We kind of run out of energy. Her lips were really tired and she. She went upstairs. Ben Marsh [00:12:57]: And then it kind of dawned on me over the next half hour and I went upstairs and I probably don't even remember the conversation, but I vividly remember the conversation kind of going, I'm really, really sorry. I got that wrong. Like, I shouldn't have asked you to do that more. That was unreasonable. So I kind of recognize that one. I'm sure there's loads more that I haven't recognized that maybe they. They can think of. What's lovely is when you watch some of what you've set or you hope that you've set in motion and you see it coming back and it catches you out slightly. Ben Marsh [00:13:26]: So even to do with like screen time, they're now old enough that they pick us up on the hypocrisy of us going, oh yeah, you're on your phone at breakfast or whatever. And I get a little, a little cheer up a comment from one of them. And I'm like, that's totally fair enough. Like, you can't set one stall out as a parent because you're in parenting mode. And then I guess that's part of the changes dynamic with where we're at now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:47]: Now you started talking about music, so let's transition over there and start talking about this music. I guess let's go back and tell me a little bit about this journey and how this journey began and what inspired you to start performing together. Ella Marsh [00:14:00]: So originally, I think we've just done it since we were babies. We did it as kind of family videos we'd send to. And the first one that actually went viral was because we were sending a birthday video to our gran, so it wasn't actually meant to go anywhere. And then I think one of your work friends asked to share it and it went kind of crazy from there. So, yeah, it all kind of originally stemmed from just genuinely wanting to play... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/37743970

The Power of Values: Building Stronger Bonds with Your Daughter 08/11/2025

The Power of Values: Building Stronger Bonds with Your Daughter Being a present and intentional dad to a daughter is no easy feat. On a recent episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Melissa Davidson, certified professional coach and founder of Perceptive Parents, to talk about what it really takes to foster a deep, lasting connection with your daughter. Melissa brings not only her professional expertise, but her very personal story as a mother—one filled with powerful moments, everyday challenges, and honest reflection. Why Values Matter One of the core messages from Melissa’s conversation is that the foundation of a strong bond starts with understanding and clarifying your own values. Parents—especially dads—often operate on inherited or subconscious beliefs, but Melissa encourages you to pause and ask: “What truly matters to me, and how do I want to show up for my child?” By getting clear on your values, you create a guiding compass that leads to authentic interactions and intentional parenting. Melissa even offers a practical values-based reflection exercise (available on her website), perfect for parents wanting to dig deeper. Connection Over Perfection Melissa reminds us that connection is not about being flawless; it’s about being present. She openly shares her own parenting missteps, like grappling with her daughter's strong will or misreading her emotional needs—especially when hunger is at play! Her takeaway? Kids do well when they can, and sometimes our job is simply to offer support rather than demand perfection, from them or ourselves. The Power of Emotional Attunement Throughout the episode, Melissa stresses the importance of meeting your daughter where she is emotionally. Whether it’s putting down your phone to truly listen, holding space for big feelings, or modeling empathy, these moments build trust and teach your daughter that she is valued and heard. Dads, Melissa says, have a unique opportunity to model a new kind of masculinity—one grounded in vulnerability, presence, and authentic connection. A Legacy of Presence If you’re looking for practical, heartfelt guidance on being a more engaged and “askable” parent—one your daughter can truly open up to—this episode is a must-listen. Tune in for relatable stories, actionable insights, and inspiration to help you become the dad your daughter needs. Ready to build a stronger bond? Catch the full conversation at Dad and Daughter Connection! TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection. I'm so glad that you're back again this week. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:57]: Every week, we have an opportunity to be able to build those strong relationships that we want to have with our daughters one day at a time. And that's why every week I come back. And I know that that's why you come back, to be able to learn more, to be able to dig a little bit deeper and to be able to explore things that you can do, to be able to build those strong relationships. Every week, I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences that can give you some tools for your toolbox that will allow you to. Melissa Davidson [00:01:31]: Think about things maybe a little bit. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:32]: Differently, but also be able to consider. Melissa Davidson [00:01:36]: Things, things that you might never have. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:38]: Thought of, things that you might have tried, but maybe they didn't work the. Melissa Davidson [00:01:41]: First time, or maybe things that you're already doing and that's okay as well. But this week, we got another great guest. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:46]: Today's guest is Melissa Davidson, who is. Melissa Davidson [00:01:49]: A licensed professional counselor, educator, and founder of Perceptive Parents. Melissa has over 25 years of experience supporting families, and she helps parents deepen connection with their children by getting clear on their values, improving emotional attunement, and parenting with purpose, not just reaction. Her work blends neuroscience, psychology, and compassion to empower moms and dads alike to raise confident, emotionally secure kids. And today, we're going to be delving a little bit deeper into her own experience at being a mother to a daughter. But also we're going to be exploring how you can strengthen the connection that you have with your daughters through the values that you have as well. I'm really excited to have her here today. Melissa, thanks so much for being here. Melissa Davidson [00:02:41]: Thank you so much. That might be the most generous introduction I have ever had. I am very flattered. I do need to Give you one correction, which is I'm actually not a licensed clinical counselor. I am a certified professional coach. So you gave me a step up qualification that I wish I had, but I'm not there. But thank you so much for that wonderful introduction. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:03]: I appreciate it. And hey, you know what? Always aim higher so that we. Melissa Davidson [00:03:08]: It's out there. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:09]: We gave you a bump today. Melissa Davidson [00:03:11]: Thank you. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:12]: So I always start with some questions about you as a parent and I know that you have a seven year old daughter and I'd love to get to know your relationship with her a little bit more. What is one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughter and what made it so special? Melissa Davidson [00:03:28]: Okay, this is super personal, but our daughter was carried by a surrogate for a long, long story that we don't have time to go into today. Our daughter was carried by a surrogate and so I actually got to deliver her and I love telling her the story of that moment when she went from being cared for by this surrogate and grown for the 10 months and then being the first person to actually put hands on her, I literally caught her, which is so amazing. And I feel like I always hesitate to say out loud to my son and to my husband, this was the single most thrilling moment of my life. I don't know that it was the most joyful, but it was the most thrilling moment of my life. And to be able to tell that story to my daughter is just. It's very powerful. My kids joke with me because of how often I tear up and I always tell them, well, I have so much love in my heart. I've got so much joy in my heart right now. Melissa Davidson [00:04:24]: It's coming out my eyes. So. So my daughter knows that that story really gets me choked up, but I just think it's not an experience that every parent gets to have. It is certainly experience that many parents get to have. It's not one that I expected to have and it is incredibly, incredibly powerful to me. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:42]: Now, I know your daughter's still young, but it's not always roses when it comes to raising kids. There's always going to be ups and downs and challenges along the way. What are some intentional ways that you've worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter even when it might be challeng again? Melissa Davidson [00:04:58]: You're so generous to share that sometimes it's challenging. My daughter is extremely strong willed and as I've coached parents, you know, for years, for so many years, we've talked about how we want to raise daughters who are strong, who are resilient, who won't be rolled over by somebody else. So I try to remind myself that that strong will is an excellent characteristic and one that if I can manage through it in childhood, I really do want to foster. We lock horns quite a and I do need to remind myself that this is an important quality that she is developing. And so I try to lean into those big feelings and remind myself that she's seven and she's being a seven year old and that's okay. And she doesn't have some inner dialogue going on that says I'm going to give my mom such a hard time right now. I'm going to see how hard I can push her. She's being her and we can talk a little bit more as we get into our conversation about expectations that we have of our children. Melissa Davidson [00:06:00]: I find it it very funny that I coach people in this area and I think the things I focus on in coaching other people are the struggles that I have in real life. So I've got lots of stories about my strong willed daughter and I just have such great admiration for her and for who she's blossoming into now. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:19]: None of us are flawless. We all make mistakes along the way. What's one mistake that you've made with your daughter and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection with her? Melissa Davidson [00:06:32]: So one mistake that I make on a regular basis is underestimating the power of her hunger and how that shows up in her behavior. So we have a constant struggle at the end of the day she's a grazer, so she typically needs a second dinner. And a mistake that I make regularly is assuming at 8:30 at night that she is reasonable and in a position to follow directions. And the truth is she's not. And so when I remember to show up to those interactions knowing that she cannot do as well as she probably would like to because she's hungry and I take out of my mind again, she's giving me a hard time and it's the end of the day I have a whole script that goes on in my head that that talks about why is this child making it so difficult when I should be able to be getting ready for bed myself. I want to take mom hat off and I want to move into me winding down at the end of the day. And I regularly have to remind myself she can't do well right now, she's hungry. A basic need is not being met. Melissa Davidson [00:07:35]: Her big feelings are trying to communicate that to me and I can either show up with my own big feelings and ratchet up the situation. Or I can remind myself, this is my child doing the best she can and she needs support right now. So how about I show up in a way that's supportive and loving and not ratcheting up the energy level, but really holding space for her big feelings and co regulating to help her kind of come back down and to actually take the food that's being offered, which is its own struggle. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:03]: Sometimes what you just said there really goes into the importance of being able to show your child that they are valued and heard in what they need. What are additional ways in which you intentionally work to make sure that your daughter knows and feels that she is valued and heard? Melissa Davidson [00:08:22]: There's a really simple one that I know all of us struggle with and that is putting down my device or taking myself off a screen and giving her 100% of my attention when she's asking for it. When she asks me a question and she's telling me a story, I work very hard to actively listen because her words and her stories are important. And I want to be sure that I am fully tuned in to her when we have those opportunities. I remind myself that with a seven year old, my time for this child wanting to fully involve me in everything she does is fleeting. And I feel like if we set the foundation now that her thoughts and her feelings are important, that's going to carry over into teen times, into early adulthood, into the relationship. I hope that we have for decades to come. So it's that very focused attention to show her that she's important, she's not. A side note to something else I'm doing. Melissa Davidson [00:09:18]: She is my focus and my priority. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:20]: Now I mentioned the fact that we were gonna talk today about strengthening connections through values. And I know you often talk about values as a compass for parent, for dads specifically, how can getting clear on their values shift the way they connect with their daughters? Melissa Davidson [00:09:39]: So it's about intention, it's about knowing how you want to show up. Dads want this connection with their daughters, and connection can at times be elusive. And I believe that connection can be elusive sometimes because we're feeling triggered and we need to get in alignment with our values so we can show up in an authentic way. So I think a really good step for dads is to be able to examine what's important to me and how do I want to show up and how do I show my child, Like I was just saying with my daughter, how do I show my child how important they are? To me and how important this connection is. I think that caregiving can be very hard when we feel disconnected. And I think disconnection happens when we're triggered. And so I think there's this importance to knowing what our values are. I have a really great exercise that I take parents through. Melissa Davidson [00:10:33]: And I think any dad could benefit from going through this values exercise so that you really know what's important. And how do my values show up when I'm in connection or in an interaction with my child? Because when you see that, it allows you to make a more intentional. It just allows you to show up more authentically. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:54]: Talk to me about that value exercise. Is it something that you could walk us through today? Melissa Davidson [00:11:00]: I would love to walk you through it. I will put in a plug if you head to my website, which is Perceptive parents dot com. It is the top banner on the website. There's a link to this activity. Basically, the way it works is I have 20 values. They're really just terms, but things that I have identified. It is not an exhaustive list of values, but I've got 20 of them. And the idea is to go through and to prioritize what's most important to what's least important. Melissa Davidson [00:11:31]: To take something out that doesn't fit, to put something else in that's not there. The challenge that I've seen for people, and I'm smiling because I feel like this is such an important part of the exercise, is I do not have a definition for any of these terms. So, for example, respect is very important to me. And if you and I sat down and had a conversation and you also said respect is at the top of my list, your definition of respect might be very different than my definition of respect. So part of this exercise is really coming clear with, I value respect, and that means and being able to fill in that blank. I really believe that when everything is a priority, nothing's a priority. So when you say I live by my values, that's beautiful, and that's wonderful. But really understanding what that means, I believe this exercise really gives people an opportunity to dive into what that means. Melissa Davidson [00:12:24]: Family is my top priority. Family. I value family above everything else. So what does that look like in your life? Because that might look very different between yours and mine. So the idea is review those values. Arrange them. I like to talk about sorting from most important to least important. But I love when I see people grouping concepts together. Melissa Davidson [00:12:45]: There's no right way to sort them. There's your way to sort them and then being able to have a conversation afterwards. I I love the idea that this can be a do it yourself activity. I also find that this is very valuable to do with a coach, with a partner, even to sit down with a friend, find a fellow dad and walk through this together and compare notes. Because simply the idea of reflecting on what it means and staying open to hearing somebody else's priorities is very interesting. I'd love to share an example of a situation I just encountered with a dad who I coach. I have health and safety as one of the values. I had never before considered mental and emotional safety, and it was so enlightening to me. Melissa Davidson [00:13:32]: To hear him talk about safety is very important to me. I automatically go to let's. I mean, this is a silly one. Let's keep our fingers out of sockets because that's not safe. Let's make sure that we are taking care of our bodies. But I hadn't previously thought about mental and emotional safety. So the beauty of engaging in this with another person is we've got so much to learn from one another. And I've also found that just because a specific term or value is placed at the top of the heap, that doesn't mean that our values are different. Melissa Davidson [00:14:07]: That might mean that we are quite aligned, but the language that we use around our values might be different. So it's a review, it's an activity, and then it's sort of a debrief. And this can also be done. I typically do this in two parent families with both parents either working through together or going side by side and then comparing results. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:28]: Sounds like a powerful tool and we'll definitely put a link today in the notes for you to be able to access that and to work through that for yourself. One other thing that you've said in things that I've read is that many parents are operating from inherited or unconscious beliefs. What are some of the common default values we'll say that you see dads carrying and how might they be getting in the way of genuine connection? Melissa Davidson [00:14:55]: I think there is a lot of importance in that intentionality, in how you choose to show up. So as a dad, do you feel pressure to show up in a way that society might be expecting around? Masculinity equals. Fill in the blank. Masculinity equals I must be respected at all times. Masculinity equals I must be the enforcer on different consequences. I think clearly there is so much great work that has gone on in redefining masculinity. I love the conversations I've had with, for example, Ed Frauenheim. I think he's such a great voice in this space. Melissa Davidson [00:15:34]: When you think about who would you like to be in this relationship with your daughter, it doesn't have to be a struggle around what is a traditional masculine role. It is who is the parent you would authentically like to show up as. So I think there is a process by which somebody might need to shed the way they were raised and go ahead and boldly step into a different definition of fatherhood and one that will foster a different type of connection going forward. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:03]: One of the things that you really are talking about there is that emotional attunement that we have with our kids. And I know you talk about emotional attunement. What advice would you give to dads who struggle to interpret their daughter's emotional needs or they feel unsure about how to respond with empathy? Melissa Davidson [00:16:24]: That's a great question. So responding with empathy, I really believe, begins with being able to take your own feelings and process them and treat yourself with grace and kindness and compassion. So I believe it really starts from within. And again, I think some of this can be a challenge when we're butting up against traditional stereotypes of embracing emotion, expressing emotion when you're comfortable modeling an expression of emotion, and that all people experience a range of emotions, and this is okay. I do think there's something... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/37667765

How to Show Respect and Kindness in Everyday Life 08/08/2025

How to Show Respect and Kindness in Everyday Life Hey dads! Welcome to Dad Connections in 5, where we keep it real and practical—just a few minutes to help you build a deeper, stronger relationship with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today, we’re talking about something foundational but often overlooked—how to model respect and kindness in everyday life. If you want your daughter to grow into a person who treats others well, stands up for herself, and expects to be treated with dignity—it starts with you. So let’s get into it—why respect and kindness matter, and three simple ways to show them every day in ways your daughter will remember and repeat. Why This Matters Kids learn values by watching us live them. Your daughter will learn what it means to be kind not just from what you say, but from what you do. She’ll learn how to treat people—from family to strangers—by how you treat the people in your own life. If she sees you hold the door for someone, she notices. If you speak kindly when you're frustrated, she sees the power of self-control. If you show respect to your partner, your friends, your coworkers—you’re teaching her what healthy, respectful relationships look like. So here are three ways you can show respect and kindness in ways that stick. 1. Speak to Her (and Others) with the Same Respect You Expect Respect starts at home. That means talking to your daughter with the same tone and patience you’d expect from her. Say please and thank you—even to your child. Apologize when you’re wrong. (“I’m sorry I snapped earlier. That wasn’t fair to you.”) Let her finish her thoughts before jumping in. How you speak to her becomes her inner voice. Make sure it’s one that affirms her worth and encourages empathy. And remember—she’s also watching how you treat the waitress, the cashier, the neighbor, and yes, even the slow driver in front of you. 2. Show Kindness Through Small Daily Actions Kindness isn’t just grand gestures—it’s a daily habit. Show her that: Kindness is leaving the last cookie for someone else. Kindness is texting a friend to check in. Kindness is smiling at a stranger or offering help without being asked. Involve her in small acts of kindness: Bring donuts to a neighbor. Hold the door for someone together. Write thank-you notes as a team. When you make kindness visible, she learns that it’s not just something we talk about—it’s something we do. 3. Handle Conflict with Grace and Respect Life is full of moments when frustration rises—bad drivers, rude emails, disagreements at home. These are the teachable moments. Instead of losing your cool: Take a breath. Speak calmly. Say, “Let’s figure this out together,” instead of, “Why can’t you ever get this right?” Conflict doesn’t have to mean disrespect. In fact, how you handle tough moments teaches her more than how you act when things are easy. Quick Takeaways: Start Today! Here’s your challenge: Today, pick one simple act of kindness or respect—and do it where your daughter can see. Say thank you. Open a door. Compliment someone. Apologize when needed. Then, when the moment’s right, talk to her about it. Help her connect the dots: “I held the door because it’s important to show respect, even in small ways.” These are the lessons that shape her into a kind, grounded, and respectful young woman. That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode made you think about the power of your everyday actions, share it with another dad doing his best to lead with kindness. Until next time—keep showing up, keep modeling what matters, and keep raising daughters who lead with love and respect. /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/37089915

Toddler Wisdom: Parenting Lessons from Dr. Hasan Merali 08/04/2025

Toddler Wisdom: Parenting Lessons from Dr. Hasan Merali If you’re a father looking to deepen your relationship with your daughter and embrace all the wonder (and chaos) of parenthood, the latest episode of the “Dad and Daughter Connection” is a must-listen. This week, sits down with , a pediatric emergency medicine doctor, researcher, and author, for an insightful conversation that flips the script on how we view toddlers—and offers practical ways dads can cultivate meaningful bonds with their daughters. Beneath the Tantrums: What Toddlers Can Teach Us Toddlerhood is too often painted as a stormy sea of tantrums and “why” questions, but Dr. Merali’s experience—as both a physician and a dad—reveals something different: young children are bursting with curiosity, resilience, empathy, and joy. Drawing from his new book, Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas: Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life, Dr. Merali explores how toddlers’ natural enthusiasm and openness hold powerful lessons for adults. He urges parents to recognize that tantrums are fleeting (just a few minutes a day!)—what really fills children’s time is laughing, learning, loving, and connecting. By tuning into these moments, dads can nurture strong, joyful relationships with their daughters. Building Bonds Through Presence and Play One standout theme from the episode is the value of intentional time together. Dr. Merali shares how his paternity leave—six months spent at home during the pandemic—allowed him and his daughter to connect without distractions. He also discusses family traditions, like a soothing bedtime routine and regular father-daughter hikes, that help anchor their relationship even during life’s busy or challenging seasons. Crucially, Dr. Merali encourages dads to embrace play—rediscover what you loved as a child and share that joy with your daughter, whether it’s music, sports, or just being silly together. Kids thrive off connection and fun, and those experiences build trust that lasts. Raising Confident, Curious Daughters The conversation delves into giving children space to struggle, fail, and try again—because confidence is built through doing, not just succeeding. Dr. Merali reminds dads to maintain a sense of curiosity, to model positive self-talk, and to let their daughters take (safe) risks, developing independence one small step at a time. If you want both encouragement and actionable strategies for being the dad your daughter needs, tune into this episode. It’s a heartfelt reminder that the best parenting wisdom might come from the littlest voices in our lives. Listen to the full episode at Dad and Daughter Connection and start building an even stronger bond today. TRANSCRIPT Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those connections that we want to have with our daughters. I love being able to talk to you every week and coming back every week to talk about this important relationship that we have with our daughters and the important journey that we all have to be on to be able to build an even stronger relationship, building stronger connections with our daughters. That's why every week I try to bring you different people, people with different experiences, different journeys that can talk to you about their own journey, but also some tools for your own toolbox and help you along the path. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:35]: This week we got another great guest. Dr. Hasan Merali is with us and Dr. Merali is an Associate professor in the Department of pediatric at McMaster University and a pediatric emergency medicine physician at McMaster Children's Hospital in Hamilton, Ontario. He received his medical degree from Harvard Medical School and a Master of Public Health degree from Johns Hopkins. And his research from focuses on child injury prevention in low and middle income countries. He's published more than 25 peer reviewed journal articles. He has a brand new book that we're going to be also talking about today called Sleep well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas, Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a happier, more successful way of life. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]: I'm really excited to have him here and to welcome him to the show. Hasan, thanks so much for being here today. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:02:29]: Yeah, thanks for having me. Great to be here. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:31]: It is my pleasure. Love having you here. And first and foremost, I want to talk to you a little bit about your own journey as a dad and especially a dad to a daughter. And I guess as you think about the time that you've been able to spend with your daughter thus far, what is one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with Your daughter thus Far. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:02:49]: You know, there are so many that come to mind. We had a very special bonding experience. Kind of unique. Number one, because I live in Canada and I'm very fortunate, I was able to take a paternity leave and I took six months off with her. So I was off when she was six months to one year. And that was also the first year of the pandemic. And so everything was pretty much shut down. My wife and I are both essential workers. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:03:10]: So she was back at work, and Aria and I just had that time alone for six months and we didn't have anywhere to go. And it was just the two of us @ home. So we had a very, very special bonding experience. And I think what really came out of that is the fun that we can have day to day. And one of the things I talk about and write about is how much young children love to laugh. And I think that's just this special moment in time that we had those six months kind of continue daily where she is making me laugh every day. And I'm trying to make her laugh just as much, but she certainly is a funnier person. And I think that's the special moment that continues on each day for us. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:46]: Now, I know your daughter's still young and she's still becoming her own person, but as she's getting older, she's probably asking more questions, starting to get into that why phase of things. How do you balance the idea that you want to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to grow into her own person? Dr. Hasan Merali [00:04:05]: I really encourage that why question. And it's just an important part of early childhood development and how little kids can learn at actually a much faster rate than most of us. And so. And I often don't know the answer, and that's okay. And I want her to teach her that. It's an important question to ask, but it's also okay if we don't know the answer. And my job, I think, as a dad, is to instill that in her and maintain that curiosity, but also give her the tools of how we're going to look things up. And so, you know, for example, one of the ways, a really great way is the library. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:04:37]: And so we try to make it every week, but I'll say every two weeks for sure, to the library, where we're getting books on topics that she's interested in or that she just becomes interested as she's walking around and go through that. And so I really want to instill that curiosity, learning how do we get the answer Reading as part of that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:52]: You talked about the fact that you got to spend that quality time with your daughter at an early age during COVID And I guess as you think about either those times or where you are today, what are some intentional ways you've worked to strengthen your bond with your daughter, especially during times that might not be the easiest, maybe those challenging times? Dr. Hasan Merali [00:05:14]: Yeah, I think one of the ways that I've done that, you know, I live in a larger city. There's just a large mass of people who live between Toronto and Hamilton, and I'm a part of that. But I didn't grow up in. In a large city. I grew up in a very small town, a lot of wilderness in Northern Ontario. So one of the things that I tried to do more with her is take her out into nature. And we know all the health benefits for young kids as they're developing, but also for adults as well. And so we try to go on hikes, which we can get to about 30 minutes away. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:05:42]: And then at least two, three times a year, just her and I, without mom will go away out into cabins without electricity or running water, and we go canoeing and do a little bit of fishing. We use propane stoves. And that's really nice because there's no technology either. And I think that's, yeah, for me, the best times of the year. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:02]: Now, every one of us has to learn along the way. We're not always going to be perfect. There's going to be mistakes. There's going to be things that we do that we look back on and say, why did I do that? What's a mistake you've made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering a positive connection? Dr. Hasan Merali [00:06:20]: I think one of the biggest mistakes certainly that I've made and I. And I see this in a lot of parents now that I've gone through the data, is jumping in when they're struggling with something. I mean, there are certain things that she's for right now, so she's just not going to be able to do, and that's fine. But there are a lot of other things where she needs to have that struggle and get to a point where she wants to ask for help or try to learn and figure out new ways to do things. And that point of where you jump in is sometimes far too early as a parent, when you're trying to help them along, when you see them struggling or trying to work something out. And so that is something that I've really had to just watch and Observe her. She knows that I'm there. She knows that I'm there to support her. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:04]: But I'm not actually going to do the thing for her until she's given that a good shot or asked specifically for help. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:10]: Now, you just mentioned the fact that you show her that you are there. What's one way that you tangibly show your daughter that she can always count on you? Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:20]: Yeah. So one of the things, and she's very. She asks about this is about schedule. And so, you know, she's at the age where schedules become very important to her. And she has a little calendar. And so we can map out not too far in the future, but maybe a week or so. And so I am going to show her for that week and for that day of when we're going to be together. And so she kind of has her school routine. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:07:43]: You know, I work in the er, so I'm not always there in the evenings. Like this evening, I won't be there. So I just make it very clear to her that, you know, today I won't be there. It'll be mom, but then tomorrow I will be picking you up. And we will do X, Y, Z. We have her in a few activities and that we're going to do those things together. And I think that schedule and understanding on what day, at least today and tomorrow, what's happening, where I'm going to be and where I'm going to be for her is important. And that really works well for her. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:10]: Talking about schedule, that leads to really traditions. Right. And routines, as you said, beyond what you just said in regard to that daily schedule, what's a tradition that you've created thus far that you've created together that strengthens your bond? Dr. Hasan Merali [00:08:27]: Yeah, I think the most important one. And I actually wrote an article about this now. I'll put it in the. In the show notes. I'll send it to you because I think it's really important and adaptable for adults, too. And that's the sleep routine. It's this toddler preschooler sleep routine that we do together every night. Takes about 45 minutes, an hour total. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:08:46]: But it really helps us down and connect together at the end of each night that I'm there. And so what that means is about an hour before bedtime, we take a bath. After the bath time, we do some type of hygiene activity. Usually for her, it's flossing and brushing. And then always before bed, we go through a book. And it doesn't have to be any particular book. It can be one of her favorites. It can be one of the new ones that we've got from the library. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:09:11]: But that time spent reading and that daily tradition of this is the bedtime routine before and mom is involved as well, I think really helps us bond and helps her get to sleep better and helps me get to sleep better because I do something similar a few hours later when I go to bed. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:28]: Now, I mentioned the fact that you have a new book called Sleep well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas, Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life. And I also, in your bio, I talk about all the different hats. You're wearing many hats as a pediatric ER doctor, a researcher, and now an author, as well as a dad, husband, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So talk to me about the journey and what inspired you to write this book. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:09:58]: Yeah, so I'm very fortunate that I day to day get to work with children. And I've been in pediatrics for about 15 years. And these young children in particular, and I focus on this magical age between 1 and 5 toddlers and preschoolers, they just think in such a different way and they do things so differently. And I've had such so many positive experiences with them. And then I look at kind of the media and what's portrayed about toddlers, and I just see Tantrum, tantrum, Tantrum, and then something else, and then Tantrum. And that just doesn't do them justice, and it's just not who they are. And so this book really came out of what do I want to show the world about who these people really are? You know, tantrums last. We know this from the data, and if we look at the data, a median time of one to three minutes. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:10:43]: So that means, you know, half of them are less than that time, half of them are more. It'd be very rare to get to 10 minutes and very rare to get to 15. But let's say that's true. 15 minutes. They're awake for 12 to 13 hours a day. So what are they doing all of the other times? You know, they're making connections, they're learning, they're laughing, they're doing all these wonderful things. And when I dove deeper into the data on this, the way they live their lives actually maps perfectly well onto a lot of the adult wellness literature. And people just focus on toddler tantrums and what we need to do for them. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:11:14]: I wanted to flip the script completely. And so my book doesn't have anything to do with parenting. It is Wonderful for parents because they'll get it, I think. But it is all the lessons that young children can teach us. And I really wanted to make sure that people know that. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:29]: We've already talked about the fact that your daughter Aria is between 4 and 5 right now. And so she's right in the middle of the toddler and preschool years and getting toward the school years. So talk to me about that interplay of being a dad and how that. And also a doctor, and working with all these other kids in your professional practice, and how that influenced your research and writing. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:11:57]: So she actually pops up quite a bit in the book because I started this book during the pandemic as well. The book proposal and my actual writing was between when she was between one and two, two and a half. So it actually occurred when she was at that age. And so I was able to pull in a lot of stories from her at that time, as well as a lot of my experience working with children in the ER as well. You know, one of my favorite stories and I and I write about this is the number of times I've been with young children who have had to fast because of me. I've told them to because they have belly pain and we have to do blood work, ultrasound, all of these things to them. And it's been several hours that they haven't eaten. And most of the time, good, they're okay, they can eat. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:12:39]: I tell the parents that the parents are ready with their favorite snack. It's always some type of cracker, usually goldfish, something else. And they give this child these crackers. And they look at me, they're able to tell just by my face somehow that I haven't eaten. Also in six or seven hours. And, you know, multiple times it's happened where they'll just give me a cracker. I don't even have to ask for it. Or they'll take a couple and then offer it to me, or they'll lick one and give it to me. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:13:02]: And they're just so kind and generous that these types of interactions really, really helped me put this all together. And I'll say, just on kindness, hands down with the 20 years, I'd say of research I kind of dug through to write this. I don't think there's anyone kinder than young children. Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:18]: Let's go a little bit deeper on that, because you do talk in the book about the fact that toddlers do show that pure empathy and kindness toward others. How can parents nurture and maintain those qualities as their kids grow older? Dr. Hasan Merali [00:13:34]: Yeah. So I think one of the main ways, because kids naturally have this, as I mentioned, finding ways to give back or to helping them maintain that. So I think the easiest in some ways, but hard because it requires time, is some type of volunteer work. You know, every one of us and every little child has some cause that is very meaningful to them, whether that's taking care of pets, whether that's taking care of elderly people, something. So I think if that can be made into a family activity where there is some type of volunteer work and maybe it can be a structured thing where you're going every week and that's amazing, or maybe it can just be an informal thing where that's happening once a month when you're able to, is I think one of the ways that we can maintain their need and want to always be kind to others and make themselves feel happy from doing those activities. Dr. Hasan Merali [00:14:26]: You know, earlier you talked about the importance of connection for toddlers and building those deep connections with others around them, whether it be parents or other kids or things like that. What do you think that fathers can learn from their about strengthening the father daughter bond? Dr. Hasan Merali [00:14:46]: I think one of the ways that we can do that, and my daughter reminds me about how I can do this all the time, is with play. And you know, it requires no data to know that kids love to play more than adults do. And it's something they inject into their lives all the time. And the older, the older we get, it kind of drops away. But there's a lot of good research with adults that it actually helps us feel more relaxed, it makes us more fun to be around and more fun for the other person and all these wonderful benefits. So I would just encourage... /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/37659580

How to Make Space for Honest Conversations Without Judgment 08/01/2025

How to Make Space for Honest Conversations Without Judgment Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your go-to spot for five-minute ideas that help you build trust, connection, and lasting memories with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re talking about one of the most powerful tools you have in your parenting toolbox: Creating space for honest conversations—without judgment. Let’s face it—your daughter lives in a world full of pressure. She’s trying to figure out who she is, what she believes, and where she fits. And as her dad, one of the greatest gifts you can give her is a safe space to talk about anything—without fear of being shamed, scolded, or shut down. Let’s walk through why this matters so much, and three practical ways you can create that kind of space—starting today. Why It Matters When your daughter believes she can tell you the truth—about her fears, her mistakes, her dreams, her questions—without being judged or dismissed, she gains: A deep sense of security The courage to be her authentic self A trusted place to turn when life gets hard And here’s the thing: If you don’t make that space, she’ll go find it somewhere else. From friends, from the internet, from people who may not have her best interests at heart. So let’s make sure that Dad is the one she can come to first. 3 Ways to Make Space for Honest Conversations 1. Respond, Don’t React Let’s say your daughter shares something that catches you off guard. Maybe she confesses a mistake, reveals something personal, or says something you strongly disagree with. Your first reaction matters. A lot. Instead of correcting, criticizing, or launching into a lecture, take a breath and respond with: “Thank you for telling me.” “That must have been hard to share.” “I’m here to listen—no judgment.” You’re showing her: “This is a safe space. You don’t have to be perfect here.” That doesn’t mean there’s never discipline or boundaries—but it means connection comes first. 2. Normalize Talking About Tough Stuff Don’t wait for big moments to start meaningful conversations. Build a rhythm where honesty is expected and welcomed. Talk about your own struggles from when you were her age. Admit when you don’t have all the answers. Bring up real-life topics—friendship, stress, mistakes—casually, like during a drive or while making dinner. The more you talk about real things consistently, the less intimidating it is when she needs to bring something hard to the table. 3. Be Curious, Not Controlling If she says something surprising—don’t jump to conclusions. Ask open-ended questions that invite more, not less. “What made you feel that way?” “How long have you been thinking about this?” “What do you need from me right now—support, advice, or just someone to listen?” When you lead with curiosity, you send the message: “I want to understand you, not change you.” That’s what makes her feel truly heard—and that’s what keeps her coming back to you. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: Create a moment today where you invite honesty without judgment. Ask her: “What’s something you’ve been thinking about lately but haven’t said out loud?” Or say: “Just so you know, you can talk to me about anything—even if it’s hard. I won’t get mad—I’ll listen first.” Say it. Mean it. Then prove it with how you respond. Because the way you react now is what teaches her how safe it is to be real with you later—when the stakes are higher and the conversations are even more important. That’s it for today’s Dad Connections in 5. If this episode reminded you of the power of presence over perfection, pass it along to another dad working to build that kind of trust with his daughter. Until next time—keep listening, keep learning, and keep being the safe space she needs. /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/37089750

Quality Time With Kids - Back Next Week! 07/28/2025

How to Make Chores a Fun and Collaborative Experience 07/25/2025

How to Make Chores a Fun and Collaborative Experience Hey dads, welcome to another episode of Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute boost of practical, meaningful advice to help you build a stronger connection with your daughter. I’m Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we’re diving into a part of parenting that’s easy to overlook but full of opportunity: Chores. Yep—laundry, dishes, vacuuming. You might not think of them as bonding time, but trust me—when done right, chores can become a space for connection, collaboration, and even fun. Let’s flip the script and turn the daily grind into something that brings you closer together. Why Chores Matter for Connection Chores aren’t just about cleaning up—they’re about: Building life skills Sharing responsibility Creating moments for conversation and teamwork And when you approach chores as something you do together—rather than something she has to do because you said so—you create space for growth, confidence, and connection. 3 Ways to Make Chores Collaborative and Fun 1. Turn Chores into a Team Challenge Instead of saying, “Go clean your room,” try, “Let’s see how fast we can both clean our spaces.” “You take the kitchen, I’ll take the living room—let’s beat the clock!” Set a timer. Add music. Cheer each other on. Make it a team effort instead of a solo punishment. When she sees you jumping in alongside her, she feels respected—and that makes her more likely to participate willingly. 2. Turn on the Tunes and Turn Up the Fun Music changes the whole vibe. Let her create a “cleaning playlist,” or take turns picking songs. Sing along. Dance while folding laundry. Be goofy. It may sound silly—but those are the memories that stick. The joy in the ordinary. And if she laughs at your dance moves? Even better. You’re showing her that work and play don’t have to live in separate worlds. 3. Use Chores as Conversation Starters Washing dishes together? Folding laundry side by side? These are great moments to ask simple questions like: “What’s something you’re looking forward to this week?” “What’s one thing that made you laugh today?” “If we had a robot to do one chore forever, which one would it be?” The chore gets done, and so does the connection. Win-win. Quick Takeaway: Try This Today Here’s your challenge: Pick one chore to do with your daughter this week—and make it a moment. Set a fun timer and race the clock Blast music and turn it into a dance party Ask one silly or thoughtful question while you work Whatever it is, show her that chores aren’t just work—they’re shared time. A space where you show up together, take care of your home, and maybe sneak in a few laughs along the way. Because it’s not just about getting the job done—it’s about how you show up while doing it. That’s it for this episode of Dad Connections in 5. If this helped you see dishes, dusting, or laundry in a new light, share it with another dad who’s ready to turn the daily routine into a relationship-building moment. Until next time—keep working side by side, keep having fun, and keep turning the everyday into something extraordinary. /episode/index/show/0b32651f-5d5d-453b-be58-a4f9dac21863/id/37089700

The Dad & Daughter Connection

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