It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere
It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere is a hilarious podcast from authors, bloggers and great friends, Jo Middleton and Gill Sims. In it, Gill and Jo kick back with a cocktail, or a delicious glass of wine from our partners Laylo, https://drinklaylo.com/, and have a bit of fun discussing random topics including but not limited to, parenting, hormones, menopause, weird nineties sex tips, and relationships. Oh, and we also proffer advice we are in no way qualified to give in our regular problem page slot. Jo Middleton is the creator of the award winning Slummy Single Mummy blog, and the author of Playgroups and Prosecco, and Gill Sims is the author of the bestselling Why Mummy series of books, The Saturday Night Sauvignon Sisterhood, and the Peter and Jane blog. We met at an event several years ago, where we bonded over how much we were missing our pets, but not our children. Subsequent meetings saw us crashing a wedding, starting a party in a hotel bar we had persuaded the night porter to open, and liberating a bottle of tequila from a terrifying sausage conglomeration in Brighton. We have not yet been arrested on a night out, but give it time. Get in touch with us by email at [email protected], or follow us on Instagram @its5oclocksomewherepodcast, on Facebook It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere and even on Twitter @5OClock_Podcast. We don’t do TikTok. Our children have forbidden us. Also, it scares us. Produced by James Ede, BeHeard Hosted by LibSyn
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GLADIATORS, READY!!!!!
12/20/2023
GLADIATORS, READY!!!!!
This week, with the clock ticking ever more rapidly, and that festive countdown very much on, we talk about those organised people who, having been ready for Christmas since approximately mid August, like to remind the rest of us about that by asking in faux concerned tones 'And are you all ready for Christmas?', when they know full well the answer is going to be a resounding NO! Jo takes a rather more pragmatic to Christmas and declares one is 'ready' when one is eating cherry liqueur chocolates with your morning coffee, whereas Gill takes on a more panicked approach, not helped by developing a recent obsession with making the 'tension rod garlands' that she saw on Instagram. It's a packed episode though, as Jo learns a lot about hostess trolleys, Gill threatens to cry in the garage with a bottle of Baileys and we discuss why 'Susan' is such an excellent name! Merry Christmas!
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Netflix and Chill...?
12/13/2023
Netflix and Chill...?
This week we are talking about Christmas films, and I think it's safe to say we have some Views on these (how unlike us). We discuss an unusual take on Love Actually, and Gill watches The Holiday for the very first time, and develops an unhealthy obsession with Jude Law's cow, while Jo points out several more practical flaws with his life than his random cow. Jo has some issues with these films from a feminist standpoint, and Gill feebly attempts to argue that mildly objectifying Cary Elwes is also a feminist standpoint...
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Bad Traditions
12/06/2023
Bad Traditions
OK, so we started recording this episode with the very best intentions to talk charmingly about our delightful family Christmas traditions, the importance of traditions, and of creating your own new ones. But somehow, we almost immediately went wildly off topic and starting talking about the times we really did not bring our A game as parents (or maybe we did, depending on how you're looking at it). So if you're feeling a bit Grinchy, a bit Meh, a bit over that elf and his b*starding shelf, and feeling like everyone else is going OTT on the Christmas magic, while you just want a traditional vat of Baileys, this episode is for you!
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The Gift Guide Episode!
11/29/2023
The Gift Guide Episode!
Here it is, folks! The episode you've been waiting for all year- yes, it's Gill and Jo's 100% infallible*, expert** Gift Guide, in partnership with Laylo Wine, to buying presents for all the difficult people in your life, from the husband who insists he 'doesn't want anything' but really does, to the weird colleague who always stands just a little bit too close to you, to the ever tricky to buy for elderly relatives. We cover helpful topics like why Toffifee is an excellent passive agressive gift, how to give the gift of intimate itching and what to do when your friend simply won't stop giving you cashmere scarves (not a problem we suffer from, tbh). We also cover some gifts for the nice but hard to buy for friends and family, and in a Christmas miracle, Jo doesn't mention The Crispy Swimming Costume! https://drinklaylo.com/ *This may not be true. **This is definitely not true.
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The 5-9pm Club Night!
11/22/2023
The 5-9pm Club Night!
This week, we come up with LITERALLY the best idea ever, in the form of a club night for menopausal women, including places to sit down, good snacks, and a dress code including slippers, elasticated waists and NO BRAS. Unfortunately, our topic for this week was not 'coming up with an idea for an awesome club night', instead the theme was supposed to be 'Black Friday', to coincide with the upcoming sales madness. We talk about some of our favourite small businesses, and whether you can ever have enough books, or whether we should be trying to find joy in nature, rather than 'things'. And Jo's impending fear of death is not helped by Gill offering to tell her about the time Gill nearly bought a coffin...
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Gainful Employment.
11/17/2023
Gainful Employment.
This week we received an email from a PR company suggesting a guest for the podcast that got us thinking about the many and varied jobs we've ever had in our lives. This got us thinking how very lucky we are that we are able to sit and chat and drink lovely Laylo wine and call it work, but we have had many jobs in the past that were a great deal less fun, including Gill's stint in PotatoLand and Jo's recent very niche copywriting job. We have some great 'worst jobs ever' from some of you too, and we also touch on the unfortunate fact that Jo's moral fibre seems to be considerably more robust than Gill's...
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The One Where We Traumatised Our Producer...
11/09/2023
The One Where We Traumatised Our Producer...
This week...well, where do we start with the recap? Jo has a distressing Teams call, which may or may not have featured maurading bosoms, Gill is providing a little stability in this chaotic world by taking umbrage at the Patriarchy and then...Jo tells Gill of a practice she has recently become aware of, and it all goes downhill from there! As Jo said in her email to Producer James, we can only apologise...
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Life Lately and Laylo!
11/01/2023
Life Lately and Laylo!
This week, we're having a general catch up on what's been going on in our lives, including sharing some very exciting news about our new partnership with Laylo wine,. We also chat about Gill's visit to a university open day leading her to be surprised that universities are full of children for some inexplicable reason, Gill's new book Why Mummy Drinks At Christmas, why Jo would be an excellent librarian and Jo's youthful love of what she describes as 'admin based roleplay', and our latest drunken plan to go on a narrowboat holiday...
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The Spooktacular One!
10/25/2023
The Spooktacular One!
This week, although we're a little early, we're talking Hallowe'en! Jo loves it, Gill hates it, for she is a Hallowe'en Grinch, as has been mentioned before. We also chat a bit about our irrational fears, including Gill's insistence that her fear of the Kingston Bridge in Glasgow is NOT irrational, and Jo's fear of ... holes...you'll have to listen to find out more about that one!
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World Menopause Day
10/17/2023
World Menopause Day
This week we are talking all things menopause and perimenopause, comparing notes on our HRT, and some of our favourite 'menopausal moments'- except we struggle to remember what they are, because menopause! We also talk about Gill's GP's continuing obsession with offering to prescribe her lube, Jo's vet falls in love with her, and we express some doubt about the 'Manopause'. But most of all, we just wanted to reassure anyone else experiencing the joys of menopause or perimenopause, that you're not alone in this.
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A Good Hobby
10/10/2023
A Good Hobby
This week we are talking hobbies, in a futile attempt to get ourselves a proper Hobby, as we feel that you are not a proper grown up until you have A Hobby. We talk about what qualifies a hobby as a hobby, and Gill is very firm in her views of what is and is not A Good Hobby. Jo shares a non-hobby related wardrobe malfunction which leads us to ponder if starting a very niche Only Fans could count as a hobby, whether sports are a hobby (NO!), and Gill attempts to explain about her favourite 90s hobby based comedy character, Simon Quinlank, King of All Hobbies. Jo remains unconvinced by this.
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Conspiracy!
10/04/2023
Conspiracy!
Regular listeners will be already be aware that Gill is firmly convinced that the EVIL that is Pumpkin Spiced Latte is nothing more than a conspiracy by Big Cinnamon, so this week we thought we'd talk about a few more of our favourite conspiracies. Are birds real? Who shot JFK? Does Paul McCartney even exist? We have all the answers! Well, we have answers. They may not be the right answers. But we definitely have them!
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Breakdown!
09/27/2023
Breakdown!
This week, we're chatting about the little things that tip you over the edge- the things you feel you should be able to deal with as a competent adult, but actually make you want to cry, and shout you need a proper grown up for this! Inspired in part by Gill's car actually breaking down and Gill almost breaking down as a result, and Jo's encounter with a particularly vicious record player, flat pack furniture, lawn mowers, spiders and hoovers also feature among the things that cause all of you to break down!
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Filth!
09/20/2023
Filth!
This week, we are not, alas, discussing scurrilous scandal, but rather the alarming statistics about the large number of people who only wash their towels four times a year! We attempt a highly scientific poll on how often you, our listeners, and Gill and Jo clean things, with occasionally surprising results. Jo shares Chicken Flannel with the nation, and there is a cameo from the International Man of Mystery that is Gill's husband, aka, the Gadget Twat himself...
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The Autumn Edit
09/13/2023
The Autumn Edit
It's not actually an 'Autumn Edit', unless you count our autumnal cocktails and Jo's blackberry and apple pies, but we are attempting to talk all things autumn, now September is upon us and Jo has betrayed Gill with pumpkin spice lattes, even though regular listeners will know Gill thinks such things are nothing more than a conspiracy by Big Cinnamon. Gill ruins any chance of Starbucks sponsoring the podcast and reveals why her neighbours hate her 'bohemian ways', and Jo shares some very exciting brassiere related news!
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Doubtful Antecedents
09/06/2023
Doubtful Antecedents
This week we've been doing a spot of genealogy and so we're talking families, history and skeletons in the closet. Gill has discovered her ancestors are not who she thought they were at all, and reveals a fairly sordid tale of infidelity and illegitimacy, involving considerable judgement for her newly found great grandfather, and on Jo's side, it's her great grandmother who brings the scandal to the table. Gill also attempts to talk movingly about the unregulated adoption process in the 1920s, but Jo is more interested in musing on whether it would be possible for Monty Don to adopt her...
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Back to School!
08/31/2023
Back to School!
Hurrah and Huzzah! Another summer is survived, and the schools have returned! We attempt to have a grown up and adult conversation about this, but deviate onto potatoes, pink beds and pastie suppers. Jo shares a tale of the mysterious Oxfam shop Sock Man, Gill explains why she loved her children's nursery teacher more than her children, and we do actually touch slightly on the topic as we turn to the horrors of things found lurking in lunchboxes that have been abandoned for the whole summer, and we share our opinions on such phrases as 'treasure every moment' and 'you only have eighteen precious summers with your children' (I think you can guess what they might be)!
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Matchmakers and Mops
08/23/2023
Matchmakers and Mops
This week it is all about the ROMANCE, because you may not have been aware, but August is National Romance Awareness Month, which is definitely a real thing and not something Gill found when she was randomly googling things looking for inspiration for a topic! So we thought, why not get a little romantic (not like that!) and have a chat about the most and least romantic things that have occurred in our lives. Jo's second hand crispy swimming costume is obviously hard to top, but Gill has tales of pigeons and we have brilliant anecdotes from you, our wonderful listeners too, including bowls of vomit and axes (not in the same story)!
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Bad Feminists and Floor Pies
08/16/2023
Bad Feminists and Floor Pies
This week we are talking about the dreaded topic of Acting Your Age, or rather our apparent inability to actually do that. Jo shares a truly terrible tale about her recent wheely bin experiences, and Gill, whilst almost too stunned and appalled by the wheely bin scenario to speak, reveals her inappropriate reaction after her recent encounter with a new doctor. We also discuss whether our lack of grown up behaviour is really not on account of our immense immaturity, but is in fact due to a lack of elegant, grown up clothes, and if only we had silk shirts, wide legged trousers and pencil skirts in the wardrobe, instead of Jo's Bin Crocs and Gill's dubious dog walking coat, our lives might be very different...
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This Time Next Year, Rodney...
08/09/2023
This Time Next Year, Rodney...
This week, we decided instead of choosing a topic to talk about, we'd simply freestyle like the irrepressible wild spirits we are, and definitely not because we couldn't think of think of a topic. After an...unusual start, where Jo imitates the noise she thinks dolphins make, and Gill discusses the etiquette of matching your table mats to your frock, we hit on the idea of discussing fail safe get rich quick schemes (don't worry, 'stylist' and 'animal impressionist' were not on the list). So if you too want to make your fortune using some handy hints and tips from two broke middle aged podcasters, LISTEN ON!!!!!!
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Joanna Lumley and Litter Trays
08/01/2023
Joanna Lumley and Litter Trays
This week we are HOME ALONE! Well, Jo is, Gill explains how her beloved husband thwarted her plans by deciding not to go away for work and instead to 'spend time' with her. Jo confesses to some dubious eating habits, and Gill explains what an 'empty' is, for the benefit of any non-Scottish listeners. We also dwell happily on the joys of solitary TV watching, Jo shares her tips for a trip to Swindon, and Gill reveals why her husband refuses to enter the WW2 bomb shelter in her garden (NOT a euphemism)!
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Joanna Lumley and Litter Trays
08/01/2023
Joanna Lumley and Litter Trays
This week we are HOME ALONE! Well, Jo is, Gill relates the tale of her disapointment that her beloved husband decided to stay at home and not go on a work trip. We discuss the joys of ready meals, Jo confesses to some dubious eating habits and Gill explains what an 'empty' is, for the benefit of non-Scottish listeners. We also dwell on the bliss of uninterrupted access to the remote control and no one judging your choices, Jo shares her tips for a visit to Swindon, and Gill reveals why her husband refuses to enter the old WW2 bomb shelter in her garden.
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Cathedral Bells and Combine Harvesters
07/25/2023
Cathedral Bells and Combine Harvesters
This week, we're talking Imposter Syndrome, following Jo's minor breakdown after attempting to advise teenagers at a Careers Evening and explain the podcast to them (easier said than done), there is some speculation about several hot vets, and we wonder why imposter syndrome seems to affect women much more than men. Also, Jo's famous nest of pants gets a mention again!
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Fleeces, Feminism and Fighting.
07/19/2023
Fleeces, Feminism and Fighting.
This week we're talking about Caitlin Moran's newest book 'What About Men?' and her assertations that feminism has 'gone too far' and it is down to women (and more specifically Caitlin Moran) to solve the (very real, often terrible) problems faced by men today. We are unconvinced by any of this, and take some umbrage with many of her statements. Gill conducts some highly scientific research and reflects she may have scarred a man called James for life, and Jo reveals why you should not invite strangers on a train round for dinner. Shockingly, we also find ourselves saying NICE things about men, in a first and possible last for this podcast...
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Adult Colouring and K-Holes
07/11/2023
Adult Colouring and K-Holes
This week we are celebrating the little known holiday of National Etch-A-Sketch Day, and talking about all the toys we wished we'd had as children and never got, like the Mr Frostie we both longed for with all our hearts, and of course, the game to end all games- Mousetrap. We also discuss the favourite toys we did have, and ponder with horror some of the toys now available to small children. Jo also shares her early ambitions to be an estate agent, Gill reveals why Shakespeare performances in Glasgow parks don't really work and our beautiful friendship nearly comes to a terrible end over a Fisher Price Village...
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Robots VS Sheep
07/05/2023
Robots VS Sheep
This week, Jo and Gill explore the brave new world of AI- alas, some sterling research about it from Jo results mainly in Gill being very confused about what it’s for and saying ‘but I could do that’. Jo enjoys an AI inspired cocktail and Gill decides it is all too much and just talks about farm animals instead!
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Miracle Gro and Go Carts
06/27/2023
Miracle Gro and Go Carts
This week it is BARGAIN week (what do you mean every week is bargain week on this podcast- rude)! Gill challenges Jo to do a Home Bargains Haul, Jo does not quite enter into it in the spirit Gill had hoped, but she does provide a useful comparison test of Home Bargains mini Echo Falls vs Tesco Garage mini Blossom Hill wines, and we chat about our best bargains over the years, from charity shops to TKMaxx. Then Gill ruins all this wholesome chat at the end by sharing some eye opening new knowledge she has recently discovered...
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Bum Bags and Boxed Wine
06/20/2023
Bum Bags and Boxed Wine
This week we are talking SUMMER! We have lovely summer drinks, there is some concern about whether or not Gill was naked as we recorded, (spoiler- she most certainly was not, Gill is a professional, who would never podcast with no clothes on), and why men feel the need to remove their tops as soon as the temperature even thinks about creeping up. We also discuss Jo's latest date, which was compromised due to something she refers to as 'bottom mischief' (it's definitely not what you're thinking) and we bring you some unique fashion ideas with some heated debate around flip flops versus bin crocs and whether or not handbags are unfeminist!
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Sancerre, Scones and Socks
06/15/2023
Sancerre, Scones and Socks
It's our extra special Guernsey Episode, where Jo and Gill go on a very important work trip that was in no way a jolly and definitely not a holiday! If you missed our Instagram and Facebook Live from Guernsey, or even if you were lucky (!) enough to be party to it, join us to hear about the rest of our trip- from Gill's attempt to drown Jo in treacherous waters, the now famous SconeGate, and tales of sleazy waiters, doubtful attempts at bartering and killer attacks by vicious Franken-Plants.
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Swiping Right and Shrubberies
06/06/2023
Swiping Right and Shrubberies
It's the AMA Episode (Ask Me Anything) with a selection of questions sent in by you, our lovely listeners! We discuss pretty much everything you can think of, including wedding crashing, alfresco sex, avocadoes, one night stands, fish curry, the legalities of various means of dealing with in-laws, dessicated coconut, and of course, cocktails, dogs and Tinder!
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