They Come to America

Matt Marti and his sidekick Brendan Kelly are exploring what makes each of our fifty states tick. Each week, a guest will join Matt and they’ll discuss some stuff that they’ve experienced in whatever state the random state generator has determined is the topic of the day. Nothing is safe! Not even New Mexico! A podcast NOT terribly concerned with historical accuracy or actual facts, They Come to America is an intimate exploration of whatever these jackoffs know about whatever state they’re talking about. Come for the stories about a guy in a wheelchair flying down a random hill in South Dakota, stay because quarantine has dictated that you can’t leave the country!

Ep. 65. New Jersey (Part 1) 09/06/2022

Ep. 65. New Jersey (Part 1) Ah, New Jersey, where the men are angry sentient grease, the women are mistresses, the children are diners and strip malls, the young adults are pollution and capicola is gabagool. All this and more absolutely inexplicable nonsense as we're joined by Marti's future brother-in-law, Nick Tazza of Algernon Cadwallader to discuss the state that god forgot.

Hosted on Acast. See

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015389

Ep. 62. Pennsylvania (Part One) 05/24/2022

Ep. 62. Pennsylvania (Part One)

We are joined by the star of Uncle Peckerhead, Jeff Riddle this week. Anyhow, what can we say about Pennsylvania that we couldn’t say about any spot anywhere where people eat horseshit to celebrate sports victories and throw batteries at their enemies like some sort of perverse tradition? Come for the liberty bell, stay for the deeply encrusted grime that saturates every single surface in every city. OR, go to the country and fuck someone with a beard through a sheet.

The choice is yours, y /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015392

Ep. 61. Georgia (Part One) 05/03/2022

Ep. 61. Georgia (Part One) What can you say about Georgia that can't be said about John Wayne Gacy: it fucks children up for life, it's fat, it's adorable and every once in a while the incomparable Corey Ryan Forrester pulls out long enough for us to chat with him. This is one for the ages. Corey is a lot funnier than most and also a lot smarter than most. Which, he's from Georgia? Weird.

Hosted on Acast. See /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015395

Ep. 60. Massachusetts (Part One) 04/19/2022

Ep. 60. Massachusetts (Part One) Massholes, massdongs, masclams and mastits, get ready for the most uncompromisingly grating episode yet. This week we visit Massachusetts with Tom from new Red Scare Industries signees No Trigger. Massachusetts truly has everything: racists, chowder, racism, insufferable sports teams, and also racism. If you haven't signed up for our Patreon yet, you'll miss out on stories that include someone getting stabbed in the head with a toothbrush and a fire of sorts. If you're one of our patrons, congrats /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015398

Ep. 59. Utah (Part One) 04/05/2022

Ep. 59. Utah (Part One) When the ground is salt and the beer is illegal, where do you turn? That’s right, weird religion. Join us as we discuss the only state in America where you can kinda get away with having a few wives. We’re happy to host Justin Yates, engineer to the stars, as we dissect this impossibly boring layer of earth’s discarded pie crust.

Hosted on Acast. See

Hosted on Acast. See Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

/episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015413

Ep. 56. Alaska (Part 1) 03/01/2022

Ep. 56. Alaska (Part 1) Ah, alaska, where the men are men and the women are holes in mattresses. Join us as we examine the absolutely stupidest state that people pretend to like just so they can try to seem interesting. Fun fact: Um, nope. there are none. Get ready to die, folks. that's what this state of preppers has been doing since before you were born.

Hosted on Acast. See Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

/episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015419

Ep. 54. PatreOnly Fans 02/08/2022

Ep. 54. PatreOnly Fans Join Marti and Brendan as they venture into the brave new world of OnlyFans, where there will be more content and probably a few shots of their testicles here and there. But wait! There’s more! If you listen to this episode you’ll be treated to not one, not two, but three stories about their hometown of Chicago, at least one of which features a gigantic penis.

Hosted on Acast. See Hosted on Acast. See /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015425

Ep. 52. 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! 01/25/2022

Ep. 52. 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Well! It's They Come to America's one-year anniversary and we are gonna blow off a few fingers as we light a few Donald Trump-branded fireworks and then we're gonna get down to brass tacks. Facts? We got em. Stories about the two most totally hardcore American states ever: Texas and Vermont. We got em too along with an (actually good) story from Marti from his time in the wild savannah that is Chicago, Illinois. Dig this beautiful achievement or forever regret it.

Hosted on Acast. /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015431

Ep. 50. Alabama (Part 1) 01/11/2022

Ep. 50. Alabama (Part 1) This week, we're in Alabama!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

/episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015434

Ep. 49. Maryland (Part 2) 12/28/2021

Ep. 49. Maryland (Part 2) This week: We brought the unbelievably funny and awesome Shane Torres to help us discuss the merriest land of them all: Maryland. What can you say about Maryland besides that it has a very regrettable accent? Well, down in the Chesapeake region, when you think rats, you think DC. When you think mouth-breathing Jarheads, you think Virginia. Yo, not so faaaast billy ray! Welcome to Maryland, where all the suburban rats of DC and all the mouth-breathing jarheads from various nearby bases gather in one boring/d /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015440

Ep. 48. Maryland (Part 1) 12/21/2021

Ep. 48. Maryland (Part 1) We brought the unbelievably funny and awesome Shane Torres to help us discuss the merriest land of them all: Maryland. What can you say about Maryland besides that it has a very regrettable accent? Well, down in the Chesapeake region, when you think rats, you think DC. When you think mouth-breathing Jarheads, you think Virginia. Yo, not so faaaast billy ray! Welcome to Maryland, where all the suburban rats of DC and all the mouth-breathing jarheads from various nearby bases gather in one boring/dangerous pl /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015443

Ep. 47. Michigan (Part 2) 12/14/2021

Ep. 47. Michigan (Part 2) Just like when Michigan transformed from being a thriving and bustling auto making state with strong union affiliation into being a place where everyone is unemployed except your aunt who works for a pyramid scheme, and where the water pipes kill you, our podcast about Michigan also has a part two. Here it is. Help us Kid Rock! You’re our only hope.

Hosted on Acast. See Hosted on Acast. See /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015449

Ep 45. South Carolina (Part 2) 11/30/2021

Ep 45. South Carolina (Part 2) You thought North Carolina was a pigfuckerry? Wait till you hear about South Carolina. We’re joined by Justin from the mighty Susto, we do a deep dive into the hegemonic infrastructure that now plagues modern America. Just kidding. We mostly talk about our dicks.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

/episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015452

Ep. 44. South Carolina (Part One) 11/23/2021

Ep. 44. South Carolina (Part One) You thought North Carolina was a pigfuckerry? Wait till you hear about South Carolina. We’re joined by Justin from the mighty Susto, we do a deep dive into the hegemonic infrastructure that now plagues modern America. Just kidding. We mostly talk about our dicks.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

/episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015458

Ep. 43. Iowa (Part 2) 11/16/2021

Ep. 43. Iowa (Part 2) What can you say about Iowa that you can’t say about Hitler: it’s mostly white, very German, and has a disproportionate influence on national policy. Also, lots of corn. We’re joined by Drew Johnson to discuss the finer points of the state that’s name is literally the placeholder for “a place where you don’t want to go that no one gives a shit about and where people don’t understand the finer things.” Let’s party.

Hosted on Acast. See /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015461

Ep. 42. Iowa (Part 1) 11/09/2021

Ep. 42. Iowa (Part 1) What can you say about Iowa that you can’t say about Hitler: it’s mostly white, very German, and has a disproportionate influence on national policy. Also, lots of corn. We’re joined by Drew Johnson to discuss the finer points of the state that’s name is literally the placeholder for “a place where you don’t want to go that no one gives a shit about and where people don’t understand the finer things.” Let’s party.

Hosted on Acast. See /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015464

Ep 41. Arizona (Part 2) 11/02/2021

Ep 41. Arizona (Part 2) John McCain! Not celebrating Martin Luther King Day! Horrifying anti-immigration laws, which is weird because they have the best burritos (bean and cheese wrapped in the yellow paper), colleges chock full of STDs, and the home of that guy that knocked out Danzig. That’s right! This week we come to Arizona and we have celebrated master chef Anthony Direnzo with us to tell us all about the weird laws surrounding the cacti. Come for the lack of daylight savings time, leave because you’ve been deported.&nbs /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015467

Ep 40. Arizona (Part 1) 10/26/2021

Ep 40. Arizona (Part 1) John McCain! Not celebrating Martin Luther King Day! Horrifying anti-immigration laws, which is weird because they have the best burritos (bean and cheese wrapped in the yellow paper), colleges chock full of STDs, and the home of that guy that knocked out Danzig. That’s right! This week we come to Arizona and we have celebrated master chef Anthony Direnzo with us to tell us all about the weird laws surrounding the cacti. Come for the lack of daylight savings time, leave because you’ve been deported.&nbs /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015470

Ep. 39. Oklahoma (Part 2) 10/19/2021

Ep. 39. Oklahoma (Part 2) Featuring the handsome (some would say TOOO handsome) famed producer Mike Kennerty, also of the All American Rejects, we discuss the great panhandle state: Oklahoma: It’s one of the last great bastions of indigenous people in this genocidal nation, it’s got a weird thing where the beer has to have almost no alcohol in it and everyone I’ve ever met from there is a complete reckless maniac anyway. Once I ate 3 feet of corn dog at a St Patricks day fair there. Take that, Dublin.

/episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015578

Ep. 37. Tennessee (Part 2) 10/05/2021

Ep. 37. Tennessee (Part 2) Well, I’ll be dipped in shit! Turns out we had some yarns to spin about our times in Tennessee and we dun fucked a few of our cousins just to keep the spirit of the culture alive. Also Elvis. But not really. Although Cory did bang one of his cousins in one of Elvis’s cars (not actually one of his cousins).

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more /episode/index/show/1e00ff6a-954f-4e21-9150-ead53ac0aa63/id/25015581

Ep. 36. Tennessee 09/28/2021

Ep. 36. Tennessee Tennessee. It’s the subject of a song by Arrested Development (the hip hop group that wore bleached overalls, not the show starring Jessica Walter), and we’re coming there this week to bang your cousins. We’re joined by Cory Brannan, one of the greatest living artists producing true saloon music in this era, maybe the best. Come for the skinheads, stay for the other hick shit.

Hosted on Acast. See ';

They Come to America

TOPICS