How To!

You’ve got questions. Together, we get answers. We all need advice, but sometimes it’s hard to know where to turn. Each week, Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace bring a listener on the show to solve their toughest problems with the help of world-class experts. It’s free therapy, and you’re invited. Subscribe from the How To! show page on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Find How To! on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

How To Confront a Vindictive Neighbor with Tig Notaro (Encore) 01/06/2026

How To Confront a Vindictive Neighbor with Tig Notaro (Encore) The trouble began when Sarah put a fern in front of her new condo. Nice, right? The woman who lives in the unit above didn’t think so, and without warning sent Sarah a slew of passive-aggressive notes. Sarah thinks it’s all a big misunderstanding, but now her neighbor refuses to even speak to her. Sarah is wracked with anxiety, struggling to sleep, and contemplating moving out. On this episode of How To!, we turn to stand-up comedian Tig Notaro, a cancer survivor and host of the new advice podcast , to help Sarah approach the situation with humor and clarity. When things don’t go your way, Tig says, you have to take back control of your own story. What would the hero in your favorite movie do? For Sarah, this means gardening with headphones and the Rocky theme on the soundtrack. Subscribe for free on , or wherever you listen. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39636405

Our Favorite Advice of 2025 12/30/2025

Our Favorite Advice of 2025 In 2025, our listeners contacted How To! for advice about outsmarting student loans, moving to a new city, hosting a low-key gathering, living with chronic pain, quitting a dream job, letting go of ADHD shame, and yes, losing your virginity in your 40s. Today on the show: Carvell Wallace and Courtney Martin get updates from some of those advice-seekers—and they check in with Jeff, whose family narrowly escaped an L.A. wildfire this year. Plus, what’s ahead for How To! in 2026. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593435

How To Create ‘Marriage Rules’ as a Couple 12/23/2025

How To Create ‘Marriage Rules’ as a Couple Cohabitation can be bliss—except when it comes to your partner's incompatible approach to household tasks. Bonnie likes things clean, organized, and prompt. Vince, on the other hand, is a classic procrastinator. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on self-described “human glitterbomb” Jackie Kelley to offer up some practical “marriage rules” designed to improve everyday communication with the love of your life. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593440

How To Stop Fawning 12/16/2025

How To Stop Fawning When clinical psychologist, trauma therapist, and complex trauma survivor Dr. Ingrid Clayton learned about fawning — the fourth “F” after fight, flight, and freeze — she felt like this was the missing piece that explained her whole life. On this episode of How To!, Ingrid talks to Courtney Martin about what can happen when you find yourself in a chronic fawning response, and how to break free. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593445

How To Sing in Front of Other People 12/09/2025

How To Sing in Front of Other People Slate staff writer Rebecca Onion wants to improve her singing voice, but she’s unsure about belting it out in public. On this episode, How To!’s Carvell Wallace introduces her to G. Phillip Shoultz III, associate director of VocalEssence, for advice on strengthening her voice, performing with confidence, and (gasp!) auditioning for a vocal group. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593450

How To Give to a Good Cause—and Make It Count 12/02/2025

How To Give to a Good Cause—and Make It Count With the year-end giving season underway, you might be wondering how much to donate and where you can make the biggest impact. On this Giving Tuesday, How To!’s Courtney Martin brings on Grace Chiang Nicolette of the Center for Effective Philanthropy to explain how to pick the right organizations and ensure your dollar goes as far as possible—regardless of how much you’re giving. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593460

How To Learn to Love Your City 11/25/2025

How To Learn to Love Your City It wasn’t long after Melody Warnick moved to Blacksburg, Va., that she realized its nickname—“Bleaksburg”—wasn’t a joke. Feeling stuck, she devised a research-based experiment to acclimate to her new city. On this episode: Melody explains how she went from hating Blacksburg to loving it (and how you can deepen your connection to the place where you live). /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593465

How To Move to a New City 11/18/2025

How To Move to a New City Kerry is ready to leave rural Virginia and move to a walkable, vibrant city. The only problem? She can’t decide which walkable, vibrant city is right for her. On this episode, How To!’s Courtney Martin brings on Melody Warnick, author of This Is Where You Belong and If You Could Live Anywhere. Melody asks Kerry what she’s really seeking in a new place—and introduces a process that can help make such an important decision. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593475

How To Take Charge of Home Repair (with Sam Sanders and Mercury Stardust) 11/11/2025

How To Take Charge of Home Repair (with Sam Sanders and Mercury Stardust) In the second half of How To!’s wide-ranging conversation about home improvement, gender, sexuality, and much more, journalist Sam Sanders and author Mercury Stardust (aka The Trans Handy Ma’am) talk with co-host Carvell Wallace about a truly daunting idea: skipping the contractors—and doing the work yourself. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593485

How To Talk to Contractors (With Sam Sanders and Mercury Stardust) 11/04/2025

How To Talk to Contractors (With Sam Sanders and Mercury Stardust) Sam Sanders is many things: journalist, podcaster, pop-culture obsessive, and a familiar voice from public radio. He’s also ”quite possibly the world's most hesitant homeowner.” Sam wants to fix up the house he recently bought, but three things are holding him back: First, he doesn’t have a clue where to start. Second, he’s not very handy. And third, he’s intimidated by the thought of talking with contractors (who might discover the first two things about him). In the first episode of a two-part /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593490

How To Stop Snoring 10/28/2025

How To Stop Snoring Andrew Zaleski couldn’t stop snoring. Fed up, he did what any good journalist would do: He started digging. On this episode of How To!, Andrew tells Courtney Martin about his investigation into sawing logs, his experiments with anti-snoring devices, and what he learned from sleep experts while reporting his recent story for Slate. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593495

How To Survive Getting Fired 10/21/2025

How To Survive Getting Fired If you recently lost your job—or think you might lose it soon—Laura Brown and Kristina O'Neill are here to help! On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace talks to the authors of All the Cool Girls Get Fired about what to do when you get the ax—and how to turn termination into a real opportunity. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593500

How To Harness Your Anger 10/14/2025

How To Harness Your Anger Contemporary women are primal-screaming and hitting rage rooms, but are these really the solutions to our personal and political anger? On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin talks with Soraya Chemaly, journalist and author of Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, about her own recent upsurge of anger. Soraya explains how to identify, understand, and harness what’s bottled up inside you—and use it for change. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593505

How To Raise a Boy 10/07/2025

How To Raise a Boy Jen is raising a pretty stellar 9-year-old son. With his tween and teen years on the horizon, she wants to steer him toward kindness, acceptance, and openness—and away from the pitfalls of toxic masculinity. On this episode, How To!’s Carvell Wallace brings on Ashanti Branch, founder of The Ever Forward Club and host of unMASKing with Male Educators. Ashanti offers his advice on talking with boys about their emotions, understanding the “mask” that young men present to the world, and building trust a /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593510

How To Quit IVF (and Start a New Chapter) 09/30/2025

How To Quit IVF (and Start a New Chapter) After seven years of trying to conceive, Lauren is ending fertility treatments and starting a new journey: adoption. She’s excited about this unexpected detour into parenthood—but she’s also grieving the loss of something deeply personal that she desired for so long. On this episode: How To!’s Courtney Martin brings on Ada Limón, author of the new book Startlement and the current U.S. poet laureate. Ada offers Lauren guidance on finding strength and joy in this unplanned chapter of her life—and o /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593515

Update: Losing Your ‘Virginity’ at 43 09/23/2025

Update: Losing Your ‘Virginity’ at 43 In this mailbag episode of How To!, we get an update from Elizabeth, the 43-year-old listener who contacted us for advice on her plan to have sex for the first time. Then, co-hosts Courtney Martin and Carvell Wallace get listeners’ takes on our most talked-about episodes of the year—and the staff holds an impromptu idea meeting for upcoming episodes. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593520

How To Use Hypnosis 09/16/2025

How To Use Hypnosis Much of our common understanding of hypnosis has been gleaned from mind-control plots in Hollywood movies or hokey on-stage demonstrations. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on Stanford University psychiatrist and researcher Dr. David Spiegel to talk about what hypnosis is (and isn’t), as well as its potential to address stress, pain, and even athletic performance. Plus, with Carvell wrestling with an ongoing major project, Dr. Spiegel tests our host’s hypnotizability—then leads him t /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593525

How To Quit Your Dream Job 09/09/2025

How To Quit Your Dream Job Alice has an objectively cool job. She programs film festivals and gets to watch documentaries for a living. But that living is also stressful: It’s low-paying, seasonal work that provides some status, sure, but not much stability. On this episode of How To!, Carvell Wallace brings on atheist chaplain and author Vanessa Zoltan, who spent two years helping countless people decide whether to quit (or not) on her podcast The Real Question. Vanessa shares what she learned from those conversations—and helps /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593530

How To Host With Ease 09/02/2025

How To Host With Ease Krystina used to host gatherings all the time. Then came kids and the pandemic, and the parties ground to a halt. She’s feeling a renewed urge to bring people together—specifically her inspiring, badass female friends—but every time she starts to plan something meaningful, she balks. On this episode: How To!’s Courtney Martin connects Krystina with Katherine Goldstein of the Substack and podcast The Double Shift. Katherine shares what she’s learned from her new project, The How To Find Your People /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593535

How To Be a Better Coach (Encore) 08/26/2025

How To Be a Better Coach (Encore) When Kelly volunteered to be the head coach for his son’s baseball team, he was nervous. He had no formal training, but he knew he wanted his players to have equal playing time—and have fun. Which they did, until the yelling started and the season ended in a stunning loss (and quite a few tears). What can Kelly do better next season? In this encore episode of How To! from 2021, Amanda Ripley connects Kelly with Doug Lemov, author of Teach Like a Champion and The Coach’s Guide to Teaching. Doug shares /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593540

How To Declutter Your Digital Life 08/19/2025

How To Declutter Your Digital Life Safiya is one clumsy coffee spill away from catastrophe. A Gen Xer who hasn’t yet embraced the cloud, she stores thousands of digital files, documents, and photos on devices with maxed-out storage limits. On today’s episode, Carvell Wallace brings on Caitlin McGarry, senior editor at Wirecutter. Caitlin talks with Safiya about practical ways to delete and organize—and how we can all build healthier habits in our digital lives. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593545

How To Raise a Kid in a Polarized Family 08/12/2025

How To Raise a Kid in a Polarized Family Sarah loves her in-laws, even though their politics send her running for the exits. Now, her daughter is starting to ask questions about her grandparents’ patriarchal, conservative views. How can Sarah raise her kid to be self-assured, justice-oriented, and open-minded—without spoiling the connection between her in-laws and the grandchild they adore? On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Melinda Wenner Moyer, science journalist and author of the new book Hello, Cruel World! Science-based /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593550

How To Let Go of ADHD Shame 08/05/2025

How To Let Go of ADHD Shame Jessi navigates life with ADHD using a complex web of coping strategies. She used to strive for absolute perfection, but feels overwhelming guilt when she forgets something or loses focus at work or at home. On this episode, How To! co-host Carvell Wallace introduces Jessi to Dr. Sarah Wheeler, an educational psychologist who specializes in ADHD. Dr. Wheeler shares her own experience with ADHD and helps Jessi chart a sustainable path forward to self-acceptance, minus the anxiety and shame. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593565

How To Gossip for Good 07/29/2025

How To Gossip for Good Psssst. You didn’t hear this from me, but gossiping—can be good for you! Our series on embracing your inner antihero wraps—for now—with a guilty pleasure: gossiping. Normal Gossip host (and beloved former Slatester) Rachelle Hampton sits down with How To!’s Carvell Wallace to dish on the right way to gossip, the link between whisper networks and safety, and the importance of leaving no receipts. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593570

How To Be an Ethical Hater 07/22/2025

How To Be an Ethical Hater Our series on embracing your inner antihero continues with a look at superheroes who definitely don’t wear capes: ethical haters. Slate culture writer Scaachi Koul sits down with How To!’s Carvell Wallace for a conversation about the power of haterade—and why “hating up” distinguishes ethical haters from run-of-the-mill, establishment negativity. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593575

How To Get Sweet, Sweet Revenge 07/15/2025

How To Get Sweet, Sweet Revenge Jordan is mired in a bitter war over off-leash pups at an unofficial dog park. With pro-leash forces deploying fake signage, ambush videos, and questionable zip-tie tactics in a campaign of shame aimed at her fellow dog owners, Jordan is ready to take matters into her own hands. In this first installment of How To’s guide to becoming an antihero, Courtney Martin brings on writer, storyteller, and comedian Matthew Dicks to counsel Jordan in the art of getting even. (Read Slate’s Revenge Week spectacular. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593580

How To Stop Giving 110% 07/08/2025

How To Stop Giving 110% Kate is juggling a lot: work, kids, caregiving for an elder, a dance troupe, the PTA, community organizing. Oh, and she runs a ‘90s-themed DJ night, too. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on Oliver Burkeman, author of Four Thousand Weeks and Meditations for Mortals, to talk with Kate about how to stop doing everything all the time. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593585

How To Start Reading Books Again (Encore) 07/01/2025

How To Start Reading Books Again (Encore) Kate stopped reading in 2016. Since then, she’s tried to find her way back to it but something’s not clicking, and it’s left a book-shaped hole in her heart. Reading used to be something she really enjoyed, took pride in, and loved connecting with people over. On this episode of How To!, co-host Carvell Wallace brings in Maryanne Wolf, director of ⁠UCLA’s Center For Dyslexia, Diverse Learners, and Social Justice⁠ and author of the book, ⁠Reader, Come Home⁠. Maryanne explains the science behi /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593590

How To Balance Mind, Body—and iPhone 06/24/2025

How To Balance Mind, Body—and iPhone Mary is juggling a busy career and family life and, like many of us, she feels guilty about the time she spends on her phone. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin talks with author and teacher Molly Caro May about how she’s helping others rethink—and rewire—their dependency on devices with an approach that’s focused on the mind-body connection. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593600

How To Draw Outside the Lines 06/17/2025

How To Draw Outside the Lines Drawing isn’t just child’s play. It’s a shortcut to joy, presence, and connection—all things we could use a lot more of these days. On this episode of How To!, Courtney Martin brings on artist, graphic journalist, and founder of DrawTogether Wendy MacNaughton to explain how everyone at the grown-ups table can start drawing, too. /episode/index/show/64aa8e49-9b03-4c77-acab-15d1eaa269a1/id/39593605

How To!

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