Beat Motel Zine
Welcome to Beat Motel Zine, the comedy-infused alt-music podcast! Born from a zine from the DIY scene, we blend laughs with punk, metal, and everything offbeat. Discover the weirder side of bands, from unintentionally funny stage antics to musical mishaps. Tune in for a profane, comedic journey through alternative tunes, where every episode is a laugh. Join us as we explore music's funniest fringes with a punk rock spirit! Can the alternative music scene and comedy mix? Of course they can; we'll prove it to you. Warning, episodes contain creative profanities in the vein of The Thick of It.
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Echo and the Bunnymen: Blinding the Audience for Art
05/11/2026
Echo and the Bunnymen: Blinding the Audience for Art
In a desperate bid to look like we know what we are talking about, we have overhauled the format. This week, Andrew drags a bewildered Dr. Sam through 1980s Liverpool to discuss why a three time Oscar winner spent his youth hiding in a camouflage suit. We are diving deep into: The Scouse Trinity: Exploring the "Crucial Three". Julian Cope’s Fear of the Floor: Why he performed on step ladders because he felt the floor was too dangerous. The Mysterious Drum Machine: The story behind the machine they called "Echo". The Big Lie: How they admitted the drum machine story was just a way to mess with journalists. "Caramelised Hair": The era of sugar-styling that attracted swarms of flies and smelled like a burnt bakery. The Cosmic Gateway: The time Bill Drummond decided a manhole cover in Matthew Street was a cosmic gateway to Iceland. It is peak 80s chaos, involving more sugar and camouflage netting than a primary school bake sale in a war zone. Suggested Listening "The Killing Moon": The one Ian McCulloch insists was written by God, though it is actually the intro to Space Oddity played backwards. "The Cutter": The band at the absolute peak of their 80s powers. "People Are Strange": The Joel Schumacher and Lost Boys payday produced by Ray Manzarek of The Doors. "Over the Wall": A masterpiece from their very dark, silhouette-heavy period. "Brussels is Haunted": The sound of the band in 2026, because they are still at it.
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Viking influence on music
04/27/2026
Viking influence on music
Viking metal is a sad parody of music. Or at least, that’s how Andrew starts this episode before Sam drags him through a hedge of historical facts. In a bold new format where one of us actually prepares and the other just reacts with increasing confusion, Dr. Sam (our resident academic-lite) guides us through the reality of Viking influence on music. We cover why Wagner is responsible for the horn-helmet lie, why Led Zeppelin is basically a Viking recruitment brochure, and why the Harp Twins might be the most terrifying thing we've ever watched. We also learn that real Vikings probably sounded less like growling Swedes and more like barking dogs. If you’ve ever wanted to know about Viking divorce laws, fossilized worms, or why the Finns freaked everyone out, this is the rambling mess you’ve been waiting for.
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Foreign music
04/13/2026
Foreign music
Show Notes Right, here we go. In this episode, Andrew and Dr. Sam tackle 'Foreign Music'—which is basically just a fancy way of saying 'songs where we don’t understand the words'. We kick things off with an enormous tube of lube and some fizzy water that’s apparently trying to destroy Andrew's teeth. The lads dive into the archives to discuss why the British are so terrified of music that isn't in English, the mystery of Joe Strummer’s 'garbled nonsense' Spanish on 'Should I Stay or Should I Go', and the revelation that Plastic Bertrand was basically a French Milli Vanilli on a trampoline. Dr. Sam tries to bring some 'academic' weight to the proceedings by reading high-brow philosophy about repetition, while Andrew just wants to talk about Nena’s bass player and why subscription underpants are a recipe for disaster. Expect tangents on Star Trek moral codes, stealing cars you can’t drive, and the universal truth that everyone eventually gets 'yogurt chucked up' at them. Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff: Elvin Jones - 'The Prime Element' Andrew's Riff: Rebekah - 'Synthetic Collapse' Dr Sam's Track Choices The Clash - 'Should I Stay or Should I Go' Magma - 'Hortz fur dehn stekehn west' Pixvae - 'La Fuga' Mc Solaar - 'Qui seme le vent recolte le tempo' Andrew's Track Choices Plastic Bertrand - 'Ca plane pour moi' Blur - 'To the End (La Comedie)' Serge Gainsbourg - 'Bonnie and Clyde' Nena - '99 Luftballons' Email us: beatmotel@lawsie.com
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Interwar music (world war one and two)
03/30/2026
Interwar music (world war one and two)
Look, we tried to have a sophisticated chat about interwar music (the stuff between the two big global scraps) but obviously, it devolved into a conversation about penis tattoos and whether or not Reddit is a valid academic source. Dr. Sam brings the "knowledge" (mostly from books he is actually holding, for once), and Andrew tries to figure out how to eat a Scotch egg without a plate while pondering the sexual deviance of 1920s novelty songs. We cover Duke Ellington’s Mood Indigo, the absolute filth hidden in "I’m Going to Bring a Watermelon to My Girl Tonight," and why Robert Johnson might have just practiced really hard instead of selling his soul to the devil. It is a rambling journey through jazz, folk, and German Marxist theatre that somehow ends with Woody Allen and a two-fingered guitarist. Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff Dog Faced Hermans - Jan 9 Andrew's Riff Witch Post - Worry Angel Dr Sam's track choices Duke Ellington - Mood Indigo Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - I'm Gonna Bring a Watermelon to My Girl Tonight Brecht - Instead-Of Song Harlem Hamfats - Let's Get Drunk and Truck Andrew's track choices Laurel and Hardy - Trail of the lonesome pine Robert Johnson - Crossroad blues Woodie Guthrie - This Land Is Your Land (1940) Django Reinhardt & Stephane Grappelli - Minor Swing Email us -
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Beat Motel Episode 161 Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special
03/16/2026
Beat Motel Episode 161 Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special
This is it. The big one. Episode 161. A milestone nobody asked for and even fewer likely wanted. It's the "Ego-death indulgent Spectacular Special," which is basically a fancy way of saying Andrew and Dr. Sam have finally disappeared up their own backsides to look at the wreckage of the last 160 episodes. Expect a lot of self-congratulatory stats, clips of the pair sounding like absolute melts, and the usual technical failures that have become the show's unintended trademark. We’ve got deep dives into why Queen is discussed more than played, the actual number of times we've mentioned bodily functions (spoiler: it’s lower than you’d think, which is disappointing), and a look back at the time Mike Watt told us he hated Zoom. It’s a retrospective of chaos, bad decisions, and the occasional riff. Sam's Riff of the Week The Messthetics & James Brandon Lewis – Deface The Currency Andrew's Riff of the Week LOOK MUM NO COMPUTER – Eins, Zwei, Drei The Ego-Death Deep Dive: A History of Bad Decisions Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Intro: We started with a lie. In Episode 1, Andrew promised a 20-minute show, but it ran to 55 minutes. Sam’s original review: "Andrew, this was supposed to be 20 minutes". Cee Lo Green – FUCK YOU: Setting the tone early. Episode 1 ended with Andrew attempting professionalism while Sam signed off with a heartfelt "Fuck you all". Metallica – Fuel: It took us 63 episodes to finally deliver on the Metallica special we promised in week one. The Replacements – Here Comes a Regular: We predicted we’d be "irregular". We then accidentally published for 96 consecutive weeks without missing a single one. The Minutemen – Corona: Revisiting our favourite intro, the moment Mike Watt joined the Zoom call and immediately shouted, "Fuck those people". The Stone Roses – Tell Me: Statistically our most played artist with 14 appearances over the journey. Queen – Stone Cold Crazy: Our most discussed band (mentioned 26 times) that we almost never actually play. The Hall of Fame: Dumb Bits & Chaos The Christian Vulvas: A band name suggestion that almost killed us with laughter. Thighs Wide Open: Walking into the technological dystopia with our "eyes fucking wide open," or something like that. 10 Pence Pieces: The failed monetization strategy involving skin insertion. Testicle Weather Vanes: A foolproof way to predict a tornado or an earthquake based on swinging. Ruddiger Broomhilder’s Unripe Plums: The AI-assisted tale of a stomach-ache staging a revolution. Love vs. Death vs. Poo PIL – This Is Not A Love Song: The stats are in. We prefer death (29 songs) over love (19 songs). Phil Collins 3 – Pooey Stick: Despite the scatological humor, "poo" has only appeared 11 times in the transcripts. The Numbers That Tell the Story Stat Number Total episodes 167 (including trailer) Total hours of content 136.1 Total tracks identified 1,044 Unique artists 706 Artists played only once 560 (79%) Sam's track picks 354 Guest picks 166 Longest publishing streak 96 weeks Average episode length 65 minutes Love songs / Death songs 19 / 29 Horse references 13 Toilet / Poo references 12 / 11 Unused backlog ideas 74 Original zine issues 10 Watch more Beat Motel chaos here:
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Great Bass lines of our time with Tom Klute (a.k.a Tommy Stupid)
03/09/2026
Great Bass lines of our time with Tom Klute (a.k.a Tommy Stupid)
In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by Tom Klute, a man who has spent 25 years running the Commercial Suicide label and presumably even longer trying to figure out how to stop CDRs from rotting into useless plastic coasters. The pair embark on a quest to identify the 'Great Basslines of Our Time', a journey that takes them from the bowel-ripping valve amps of the 70s to the distorted sub-bass of 90s jungle. Along the way, they discuss why buying a headless bass is a cry for help, the terror of music trackers, and the peculiar joy of being a 'cool dad' who gives his son massive 70s speakers only to realise his lounge ceiling is now a vibrating drum skin. Expect tangents on why the Smokey and the Bandit remake in Suffolk failed, the mystery of delaminating discs, and why the Sugarhill Gang might be absolute fibbers. It's an hour of gear talk, punk history, and bass-heavy nostalgia that’ll make your trousers wobble. Riffs of the week Tom's Riff Kenny Loggins - Footloose Andrew's Riff Fucked Up - Crusades Tom's track choices Stranglers - Toiler On The Sea Roni Size - Share the Fall (Grooverider's Jeep Mix) Discharge - Ain't No Feeble Bastard Chic - Good Times LFO - LFO Andrew's track choices Fu Manchu - Grendel Snowman Blur - Popscene Venetian Snares - Öngyilkos Vasárnap Gravediggaz - 6 Feet Deep NOFX - The Decline
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Normal lineup, weird noises
03/02/2026
Normal lineup, weird noises
Look, we’ve all been there. You go to a gig at a university campus that looks like a concrete fever dream from A Clockwork Orange, you feel ancient because the students are all drinking a gallon of water from Stanley cups instead of proper ale, and then you have to question your own bowel integrity because someone in the crowd is weaponising their flatulence. This week, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive into the "Normal Lineup, Weird Noises" theme—basically, what happens when a standard rock band decides to make sounds that shouldn't exist. We’ve got Jerskin Fendrix (aka Jocelyn Dent Pooley, the man with a name like a removal firm heir), the sonic separation of Big Business, and the avant-garde chaos of Deerhoof. Also: Why do people heckle sensitive jazz drummers? Is every Ukrainian black metal band actually staffed by archaeologists? And why does Paul Westerberg spend the start of a Replacements track sounding like he’s hoovering up a pharmacy floor? It’s music, it’s chaos, and it’s probably the only podcast that mentions both Agathee Christie and the "Pissed Resistance" in the same breath. Riffs of the Week Dr. Sam's Riff Jerskin Fendrix – Jerskin Fendrix Freestyle Andrew's Riff The Callous Daoboys – Distracted by The Mona Lisa Dr. Sam's Track Choices Big Business – Cats, Mice Deerhoof – The Perfect Me Victims Family – The Germ Adam and the Ants – The Day I Met God Andrew's Track Choices Caroline Polachek – Dang Everything Everything – Cough Cough The Charlatans – I Can't Even Be Bothered 1914 – 1914 (The Siege of Przemyśl) Email us:
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Influential albums that sold naff all copies
02/23/2026
Influential albums that sold naff all copies
In this episode, Andrew and Dr Sam attempt to justify their existence as middle-aged men with a music podcast by discussing the "sheer fucking arrogance" of music journalism. Between reenacting being a hydroelectric dam and discussing the logistics of dressing up like a facade of the Pentagon, they actually manage to talk about some records. Expect a deep dive into the dry drum sounds of early Faith No More, the naive charm of The Fall, and the surprising revelation that Hanoi Rocks basically invented Guns N' Roses. We also learn about the "poo sick" (don't ask) and why being 5'11" and 11/12ths is a legitimate personality trait. It’s 70 minutes of your life you aren't getting back, but at least you'll know which bass pedals make you sound like a Moog. ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Big Business - The Moor You Know #### Andrew's Riff - Baroness - The Birthing ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Faith No More - As The Worm Turns 2. The Lookouts - I Saw Her Standing There 3. The Damned - New Rose 4. Hanoi Rocks - Tooting Bec Wrecked ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Fall - Rebellious Jukebox 2. Television - Marquee Moon 3. The Kinks - Villiage Green Preservation Society 4. The Velvet Underground - Sister Ray Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com The Fall episode - https://beatmotel.com/podcast-episodes/revisiting-the-fall-with-mark-beaumont-thomas/
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Autumn
02/16/2026
Autumn
In this episode, Andrew and Dr Sam tackle the high-brow topic of Autumn, which mostly involves Sam moaning about how grey Finland is and Andrew recounting the time he kicked a pile of dog muck while trying to be whimsical. We also dive deep into the world of Roy Orbison, specifically his secret life as a competitive remote-control car enthusiast and how he basically wore the same pair of filthy glasses for 25 years. Andrew finally sees the Rocky Horror Picture Show and is traumatised by middle-aged men in stockings, Sam tries to find a version of 'Autumn Leaves' that doesn't taste like high-fructose corn syrup, and we discuss why the Beatles were basically ancient by the time they hit 30. There's also some talk about Jeff Lynne (obviously), stealing cheese from Blur, and why you should never go to an all-you-can-eat buffet if you value your self-respect. ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Roy Orbison - (All I Can Do Is) Dream You #### Andrew's Riff - Rocky Horror Picture Show - Sweet Transvestite ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Nat King Cole - Autumn Leaves 2. Cannonball Adderley - Autumn Leaves 3. Roger Williams - Autumn Leaves 4. Edith Piaf - Les Feuilles Mortes ### Andrew's track choices 1. Guns n Roses - November Rain 2. Autumn Almanac - The Kinks 3. Crowded House - Fall at your feet 4. Forever Autumn - Justin Hayward and Jeff Wayne Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com
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Great music, uncomfortable lyrics
02/09/2026
Great music, uncomfortable lyrics
In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr. Sam attempt to discuss "Great Songs with Questionable Lyrics" but mostly end up talking about accidental calls to the emergency services and the thermal advantages of having an itchy jumper for a face. We dive into the grottier side of grindcore with Edinburgh’s CHOU, wonder why Wolf Alice has a drummer singing in a thicket, and Dr. Sam tries to justify why he once owned a Limp Bizkit record. Also featuring: Slade being sued for sounding like a brickyard, Jimmy Page "borrowing" songs again, and why you should never store your Lego boxes in a greenhouse. It’s less of a music podcast and more of a documented descent into madness. Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff CHOU - Vulnerable Blether Andrew's Riff Wolf Alice - White Horses Dr Sam's track choices Slade - Let's Call It Quits Limp Bizkit - Counterfeit Public Enemy - Sophisticated Bitch Cannibal Corpse - I Cum Blood Andrew's track choices Led Zeppelin - Babe I'm gonna leave you Steve Miller Band - The Joker Sonic Youth - Kool Thing Suede - Stay Together Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com
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Beefy Smells and Bad Riffs: The Water Episode
02/02/2026
Beefy Smells and Bad Riffs: The Water Episode
In what can only be described as a new low for the Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive headfirst into a theme so thin you can practically see through it: Water. What starts with Jackie Chan karate-chopping peanut packets somehow devolves into a harrowing discussion about men who refuse to wipe their backsides because it’s "too gay," and the pungent aroma of a father’s "beefy" morning ritual. Musically, we’re forced to endure everything from Janet Jackson’s "Moist" (a song that makes everyone's knees feel funny for the wrong reasons) to a Deep Purple video featuring a pilgrim on a Mad Max vehicle. We also touch on why Jimmy Carr is the Nigel Farage of comedy, the baffling rise of J-Pop sensation Ado, and why Weezer’s Rivers Cuomo looks like he’s constantly checking his watch for an exit strategy. It’s damp, it’s irreverent, and it’s probably best listened to while weeping into a Victoria sponge. ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Ado - Kura Kura #### Andrew's Riff - Zatokrev, Bolzer, Schammasch - Red Storm ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. TLC - Waterfalls 2. Aerosmith - Cryin' 3. Janet Jackson - Moist 4. Joan Armatrading - Water with Wine ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Stone Roses - Waterfall 2. Nirvana - Territorial Pissings 3. Deep Purple - Smoke on the water 4. Weezer - Africa Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com Here's that Deep Purple video: https://youtu.be/Q2FzZSBD5LE?si=7lmp39n-ZpcOQPnn
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Citric Dummies Drew Special (not quite an interview)
01/26/2026
Citric Dummies Drew Special (not quite an interview)
We’ve got Drew Ailes (aka David Lunch, aka Egg Norton) from Minneapolis punk outfit Citric Dummies. We spend a suspicious amount of time talking about the horrors of SEO and marketing because, apparently, being a punk doesn't pay for the artisanal bread anymore. Drew explains how his background in "mucking about with systems" on the internet led to a career in corporate consulting, and why having a drummer who is actually a musical genius is the only reason the band hasn't folded in on itself. Expect tangents on the "blokey-bloke" culture of Oasis, the mystery of what on earth Arby’s is, and why John Peel is the patron saint of record nerds. We also touch on the lighthearted topic of the political chaos in Minneapolis and ICE agents eating at the very Mexican restaurants they’re supposed to be patrolling. You know, the usual cheery stuff. Drew Citric Dummie's track choices 1. Red Dons - Hard Feelings 2. Pinchers - Tonight 3. Sado Nation - Mom and pop democracy 4. Chipmonks Sludgefest - Diamond Dolls 5. Harry Chapin - W.O.L.D Dr Sam's track choices 1. Citric Dummies - Being Male is Embarrassing 2. Citric Dummies - I Can't Relate 3. Citric Dummies - Look Out World (I'm Eatin' At Arby's) 4. Citric Dummies - Life is so Horrifying
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Fast music for slow times
01/19/2026
Fast music for slow times
We’re back, and frankly, if you’ve stuck around this long, you only have yourself to blame. After our first-ever break, Andrew and Dr. Sam return to discuss why cats don’t actually like dope beats, despite what Aaliyah told us in 2000, and why fireworks and techno are a bad mix for pets. In this episode, we dive into the legendary Eric B. & Rakim, Japanese garage rock icons Thee Michelle Gun Elephant, and the "emotional grindcore" of Swarrrm. There’s also a deeply unnecessary deep dive into The Queers’ lyrical nuances from 1999 and a story about a band that split up because the singer decided to use the drummer as a urinal. We also explore why boredom is actually quite fast, the joy of "institutional Finnish pasta", and why Beat Motel is effectively just a sticking plaster on the gaping wound of your personal issues. Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff Thee Michelle Gun Elephant - "The Birdmen" Andrew's Riff Blood Incantation - "The Stargate [Tablet 3]" Dr Sam's Track Choices 88 Fingers Louie - "Newspaper" Swarrrm - "13" The Queers - "No Tit" HIRS - "Public Service Announcement" Andrew's Track Choices System of a Down - "Chic ‘N’ Stu" Buzzcocks - "Boredom" Sub Focus and Grimes - "Entwined" The Bluetones - "Fast Boy" Email us - Gabba dancing:
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Mike Watt on The Stooges, The Minutemen, and Why Bass is Actually a Drum
12/22/2025
Mike Watt on The Stooges, The Minutemen, and Why Bass is Actually a Drum
If you’ve ever wondered why some bassists look like they're having a conversation with a ghost or why your favorite punk record sounds like it was recorded in a cupboard, Mike Watt is here to explain it all. We sat down with the Minutemen and Stooges legend to talk about everything from the physics of why playing too many notes makes you "smaller" to the absolute bigotry drummers face in the industry. Watt walks us through his "third opera," why he wrote an entire album on a Telecaster instead of a bass just to spite himself, and how he ended up playing with the Stooges for 125 months. We also get into the weeds on the early Hollywood punk scene, the "autonomy" of major labels (or lack thereof), and why the internet is basically just a tool for collaborating with people in Peru. It’s rambling, it’s philosophical, and it’s probably the most intellectual we’ve ever been on this show. Don't get used to it.
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Good musicians that pop up in interesting places
12/15/2025
Good musicians that pop up in interesting places
Welcome to a truly unhinged episode, where Andrew's cold-ridden brain meets Sam's particular brand of chaos. This week, we're diving into Musicians in Odd Places—which, let's be honest, is mostly an excuse for us to get wildly off-topic and fact-check things on the fly (and usually get them wrong). Andrew even managed to misspell the theme title on his notes. We kick off by debating the horrors of modern parenting and screen time, reminiscing about the simple joy of having the TV just... turn off. From there, it's a short, unsettling skip to a discussion about Conkers, which, inevitably, turns into a mention of "Bollock Conkers". You're welcome. The main theme gets a slightly more musical start with Sam's Riff of the Week—a deep, pumping slice of dub that Andrew associates with summer. This somehow leads Andrew to mix up Jeff Lynne and Jeff Wayne (an ongoing national embarrassment). ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Jacob Miller - Keep on Knocking #### Andrew's Riff - Buggery Act - Rusted Pliers ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Mike Patton - Teenage Mutant Nina Turtles Theme 2. Johnny Cash - Don't Take Your Ones to Town 3. D.O.A. - That's Why I Am An Atheist 4. Tiny Tim - Living in the Sunlight, Lovin' in the Moonlight ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Wombles - Remember You're A Womble 2. War of the worlds - The Spirit of Man 3. Labi Siffre - I Got The... 4. Public Image Ltd - Rise On the Menu of Oddness: * Mike Patton's Paycheck: Faith No More's Mike Patton pops up where he has no business being: singing the theme for a video game version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He said he did it so his nieces could enjoy something he was involved in. * Wombles Rock: Andrew's choice of session musicians in unusual places is Chris Spedding lending his guitar skills to The Wombles. * Johnny Cash vs. His Ones: Sam digs up the horrifyingly earnest Sesame Street parody of "Don't Take Your Guns to Town," where Johnny Cash sings about the little cowboy Billy Joe trying to take his number ones (as in toys and cookies) to school instead of sharing. * The Jeff Wayne Fiasco: Andrew confesses a lifelong belief that Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds was an ELO side project, before Sam sets the record straight that the producer/composer is actually a TV theme tune guy. Also, a surprisingly passionate and improvised vocal performance from Phil Lynott is on the album. * Joey Shithead for Council: The legendary frontman of hardcore band DOA is now a local politician, serving as a city council councillor in Burnaby, British Columbia. * Chas and Dave: Funk Brothers: The unlikely Cockney duo were session musicians (the 'fuckbrothers', apparently) for Labi Siffre's fantastic tune "I Got The...". * The Tiny Tim / SpongeBob Connection: The ukulele-wielding oddball is apparently part of a kid's playlist because his song "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" was on an early SpongeBob episode. This leads to the discovery of his truly offensive Christmas single, "Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year". * PIL's All-Star Band: A surprising lineup for Public Image Ltd's "Rise" featured Tony Williams (Miles Davis's drummer) and Steve Vai (guitar) on the album version. A lot of questionable facts and even more questionable chat. Get stuck in, you awful people.
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Songs We Like That Were About Sport
12/08/2025
Songs We Like That Were About Sport
Congratulations, we’ve actually made it to episode 150—time to lower the bar even further. Andrew and Dr Sam reluctantly delve into the world of sport, finding the few tracks they can tolerate that actually cover the theme. Before they get there, they waste a solid half hour arguing about: * The proper spelling of Lemmy from Motorhead’s surname. * A bizarre 1994 scuffle involving Neil Diamond and Lemmy in a Billeriki Toys R Us. * The viability of starting a new podcast called "Liberal Filth". * A tangent on Viking history, property rights, and why Vikings had itchy bums. * Defining "Aerosmith Money"—the huge financial windfall from unexpected licensing (like Guitar Hero), which is apparently a "well-known phrase". The Music Choices (Finally): Riffs of the week: Dr Sam's Riff: Reagan Youth - Jesus Was a Communist Andrew's Riff: Smote - The opinion of the lamb Pt.1 Dr Sam's Track Choices: 1. Richard Dawson - Jogging 2. Hanson Brothers - Stick Boy 3. Dead Kennedys - Jock-O-Rama (Invasion of the Beef Patrol) 4. Fleshies - Runner's Legs Andrew's Track Choices: 1. Kraftwerk - Tour de France 2. Chemical Brothers - Theme for Velodrome 3. Fu Manchu - King of the road 4. Pansy Division - He Whipped My Ass In Tennis (Then I Fucked His Ass In Bed) If you've made it this far, you deserve a chocolate bar. We're heading off to the loo. Enjoy the filth. Email us with your hate mail, facts, or spelling corrections: beatmotel@lawsie.com
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Acts we used to hate, but now we love
12/01/2025
Acts we used to hate, but now we love
Who says taste can't evolve? This week, Andrew and Dr Sam go on a full-blown U-turn, confessing their love for bands they once treated with the kind of disdain normally reserved for traffic wardens and warm lager. Expect shocking revelations: Bonnie Tyler’s absurdly overproduced 80s epic is now basically gospel. Cradle of Filth? Once unlistenable black metal, now “charmingly chaotic”. The Beastie Boys go from party-clown pariahs to filth-toned bass gods. Deep Purple gets a love letter. And Split Enz? The band nobody asked for suddenly gets a sparkly redemption arc. Also: Finnish shopping centre linguistics How a Mercedes almost caused an international incident Traffic wardens, German police, and the time an entire road of cars vanished Folk music’s stealthy mission to win your heart through Pete Seeger-related Stockholm syndrome Basically, it's the usual chaos with a theme loosely stuck on like a peeling gig poster on a damp venue wall. Stick around for ludicrous Hard-Ons album titles and an exploration of music that makes your genitals not catch fire (unlike Bonnie Tyler's). Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff: Gorilla Toss – Panglossian Mannequin Andrew's Riff: The Stone Roses – One Love Dr Sam’s track choices: Bonnie Tyler – Holding Out for a Hero Cradle of Filth – Desire in Violent Overture (Remixed) Japan – The Art of Parties Hamish Imlach – Johnny O'Breadislee Andrew’s track choices: Split Enz – I See Red Hard-Ons – Carrot Top Deep Purple – Speed King Beastie Boys – Gratitude 💌 Email us your confessions of musical flip-floppery:
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Jumpers for goalposts
11/24/2025
Jumpers for goalposts
In this week’s episode of Beat Motel, Andrew and Dr Sam dig deep into the muddy puddle of nostalgia. We’ve got: Lycra-based band trauma John Barnes rapping about... something An important public health warning about Coco Pops Dead Kennedys covered in Parisian jazz cafés A little gig promotion wrapped in existential dread The legacy of punk, rewritten by whoever was shouting loudest in 1978 We also explore vital global topics like whether “buggery” is too rude for a poster in Costa, how to polish your ring the Rimmer way, and why listening to football songs from the 90s might be causing irreversible brain damage. Oh, and there's music chat too. Sort of. Riffs of the week Dr Sam's Riff The Black Dahlia Murder – A Shrine to Madness Andrew's Riff These Are End Times – The Pit Dr Sam's track choices A Tribe Called Quest – Excursions Cock Sparrer – Where Are They Now Nouvelle Vague – Too Drunk to Fuck Thee Sinseers – Can't Do That To Her Andrew's track choices Adam and Joe – Football Song New Order – World in Motion Paul Simon – Duncan (Live 1973) Los Lobos – La Bamba
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Bands we respect but don't get
11/17/2025
Bands we respect but don't get
Ever bought an album just because you should love it... only to file it under “respect, but no thanks”? This week, Andrew Culture and Dr. Sam go full chin-strokey and dive deep into the bands, albums, and entire genres that make them go, “I get it. I just don’t want it.” We’re talking Flux of Pink Indians’ sonic assaults, John Zorn's sex-jazz chaos, Minutemen’s minute-long jazz-punk spasms, and yes, that unholy racket from Merzbow. Along the way we also chat about Damon Albarn’s trouser-based stage antics, Janis Joplin’s wardrobe malfunctions, and what happens when Rick Wakeman tries to write a stadium-rock opera about Henry VIII’s wives. Seriously. It’s an episode filled with love for the bold, the bizarre, and the borderline unlistenable. So grab your brandy, light your pipe, and stroke your chin in a disapproving-yet-respectful fashion. What you'll learn this episode: Why Andrew would rather chew tinfoil than listen to Merzbow again What makes Dr. Sam say "this is basically an angry Jackson Pollock painting" Who wins the battle of “I admire them, but no thanks” — Apex Twin or The Minutemen? Why Flux of Pink Indians were literally banned by the police (hint: it wasn’t for being catchy) The sexy noises of John Zorn and why jazz speedrunning should be a sport Plus! Music recommendations, tangents about driving in America, dodgy cod reggae, and why you should never trust someone who plays saxophone and wears a beret. 🎸 Riffs of the Week 👉 Dr. Sam's Riff: Danny Brown – Copycat 👉 Andrew's Riff: Die Spitz – Throw Yourself to the Sword 🎵 Dr. Sam's Track Choices: 1. Flux of Pink Indians – The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks 2. John Zorn – Erotico (The Burglars) 3. Taraf de Haidouks – The Return of The Magic Horses 4. Merzbow – Woodpecker No. 2 🎵 Andrew's Track Choices: 1. Aphex Twin – Windowlicker 2. Rush – Spirit of Radio 3. Minutemen – This Ain't No Picnic 4. Primus – Tommy the Cat 📧 Email us: beatmotel@lawsie.com
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Musicians in films that weren't about them
11/10/2025
Musicians in films that weren't about them
In this episode, we dive into the slightly baffling and often hilarious world of musicians turning up in films that have absolutely nothing to do with their own music. Some do it well. Some… should’ve just stayed on stage. From Joe Strummer’s pigeon-themed songwriting to Damon Albarn’s dodgy gangster role, we shine a flashlight on cinema’s most unexpected rock star cameos. Expect righteous rambling, questionable facts, and a whole lot of chaos as Andrew and Dr. Sam chew over: Flea appearing in Back to the Future II as a race-happy chancer Joe Strummer pretending a traffic cone is a megaphone David Bowie’s aggressively tight trousers in Labyrinth Placebo showing up in Velvet Goldmine dressed like sexy peacocks Tom Waits being better at acting than most actual actors Tim Armstrong from Rancid randomly playing a tramp in The X-Files And that time a song was written just to impress a member of Bananarama Also in this episode: We slag off Spotify for kicking us off their platform, complain about camping at festivals (again), and attempt to remember what the word “railway” sounds like without sounding like we’ve joined the Bullingdon Club. This one's for the cinephile who loves music, or the punk who accidentally sat through Straight to Hell thinking it was a Clash documentary. Subscribe, tune in, and remember: just because you're in a band doesn't mean you should be in a film. Riffs of the Week Dr Sam's Riff Alpha Male Tea Party – Probably Just Hungry Andrew's Riff Ditz – Don Enzo Magic Carpet Salesman Dr Sam's Track Choices Joe Strummer – Evil Darling Alan Silvestri – 4 x 4 Tom Waits – Kommienezuspadt Rancid – Rats in the Hallway Andrew's Track Choices Spandau Ballet – True Placebo – 20th Century Boy Blur – Sing David Bowie – Magic Dance Email us –
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Crazy Crowds
11/03/2025
Crazy Crowds
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Odd concept albums
10/30/2025
Odd concept albums
What do stoner-era ZZ Top, a mountain named Billy with a tree girlfriend, and a kid who astral projects into Rasputin’s beard all have in common? Concept albums, mate. And not just any old proggy b*llocks – this week we’re diving into the oddest concept albums we could find (and a few we just wanted to waffle on about anyway). Andrew is joined by first-time Beat Motel guest host James Kindred – a fellow Ipswich musician, longtime mate, and possibly the only person who can explain a Mastodon plotline without crying blood. Together, they take you on a journey through the weird, the wonderful, and the “what the hell were they thinking?” of the concept album world. Expect the following nonsense: ZZ Top as proto-stoner gods (with bonus slipper sales) Agriculture’s queer-core black metal positivity Mastodon’s astral plane + Rasputin collab (yep) Frank Zappa’s 40-minute tale about a mountain fighting the US government The madness of Mansun’s Six – A.A. Milne gone rock Mark Lanegan scaring the life out of everyone (including Josh Homme) Brian Eno inventing ambient music while still in nappies NoFX writing an 18-minute punk symphony just to piss everyone off Throw in some jazz-metal tangents, disdain for ska-punk, and why John Hopkins makes Andrew need a wee, and you’ve got a classic Beat Motel episode. Warning: contains opinions. Also, possibly bears. ### Riffs of the week #### Kindred's Riff - Precious & Grace - ZZ Top (opening) #### Andrew's Riff - Agriculture - Bodhidharma ### Kindred's track choices 1. Mastodon – Crack the Skye (cosmic metal odyssey) - Song - The Czar (1. Usurper, 2. Escape, 3. Martyr, 4. Spiral) 2. QOTSA – Songs for the Deaf (desert-drive fever dream) - Song - Songs for the Dead 3. Pink Floyd – The Wall (psychological rock opera) - Song - Comfortably Numb 4. Brian Eno – Music for Airports (ambient architecture for calm) Song - 1/1 ### Andrew's track choices 1. Frank Zappa and the mothers of invention - Billy was a mountain 2. Mansun - Legacy 3. NoFx - The Decline 4. John Hopkins - Tayos Caves, Ecuador i Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com
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How to end side A
10/30/2025
How to end side A
If you’ve ever flipped a vinyl and thought, “well that was a limp finish,” then this episode is your new religion. Andrew and Dr. Sam dive into the fine art of ending Side A—the lost craft of crafting a sonic cliffhanger that makes you want to flip that record like your nan flips a Digestive into her cuppa. We’ve got: The Clash’s perfectly measured chaos An R.E.M. song even the R.E.M. boys can’t remember Richard Dawson punching you in the feelings A mystery smackhead guitar hero who wandered into a Funkadelic session and laid down one of the greatest solos of all time And very strong feelings about Brett Anderson’s 12” misadventure with Suede’s “Stay Together” (hint: the band hate it, and Andrew can’t stop hearing horn sections) Throw in some serious digressions about class consciousness, cat whiskers, baked beans in mouths, and Gregg’s colonisation of the high street, and you’ve got yourself a full-fat Beat Motel stew. Dave Rowntree of Blur sues PRS over ‘black box’ royalties All creatures will evolve into crabs Cats’ whiskers = biological gap gauges Stripper Vicars: helping painters and decorators since 1995 Midori – “Yukiko-san” Gorillaz ft. Sparks – “The Happy Dictator” Grab a pint, slap on your headphones, and ask yourself – how does YOUR favourite album end Side A? Stuff that might be true (but we didn’t check): ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Midori - Yukikosan (0:19) #### Andrew's Riff - Gorillaz Ft. Sparks - The Happy Dictator ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. The Clash - Straight to Hell (4.30) 2. Funkadelic - Get Off Your Ass and Jam (1.33) 3. Armstrong & Ellington - Do Nothing 'Til You Hear From Me (opening) 4. Richard Dawson - Two Halves (0.29) ### Andrew's track choices 1. The Stone Roses - Bye Bye Badman 2. Mansun - Stripper Vicar 3. REM - Can't get there from here 4. Suede - Stay Together Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com
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Bands That Are Better as a Documentary Than to Listen To
10/30/2025
Bands That Are Better as a Documentary Than to Listen To
Ever watched a music doc and thought, “Cor, this band’s story is brilliant!” only to press play on their actual music and feel your soul quietly retreat into your ankles? This week, Andrew and co-host Dr. Sam put the needle on the record and realise some bands should’ve stayed in the cutting room. We take a scenic drive through the trainwreck glory of Milli Vanilli, the baffling existential crisis that is Metallica’s St. Anger, and the CIA’s alleged soft-rock psy-op via The Scorpions. Plus, there's a detour through the fever-dream nonsense of Brian Pern, Joan Jett’s bad reputation, and the ongoing mystery of why The Sex Pistols are still interesting despite sounding like a wasp in a tin mug. Expect spiky opinions, tight trousers, and the occasional descent into lyrical despair. And yes, there's hummus chat. Of course there is. What’s inside: Bands who are great… as a subject, not as a sound Can AI replace all pop music? (And should it?) Was Wind of Change written by the bloody CIA? Stretchy testicles and Mob Dad: Your new Cartoon Network faves Come for the music chat. Stay for the jalapeño hummus. ### Riffs of the week #### Dr Sam's Riff - Barbara Dane - I Hate the Capitalist System (opening) #### Andrew's Riff - I'll pay you more if you let me watch - Crippling Alcoholism (3:40) ### Dr Sam's track choices 1. Milli Vanilli - Take it as it comes (opening) 2. Scorpions - Loving You Sunday Morning (2.43) 3. Metallica - "Shoot Me Again" (0.35) 4. Joan Jett - "Bad Reputation" (0.30) ### Andrew's track choices 1. Bros - When will I be famous (2:09) 2. Brian Pern 3. Sex Pistols - Silly Thing (0:36) 4. The Lurkers - Ain't got a clue Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com We dig music podcast - https://pod.link/wedigmusic This is the episode with Crippling Alcoholism on it - We Dig Music - Series 8 Episode 9 - Now Playing Sept 2025 - Magdalena Bay, Crippling Alcoholism, & Ethel Cain https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/we-dig-music-series-8-episode-9-now-playing-sept-2025/id1246759934?i=1000728773079 https://open.spotify.com/episode/0wBWpR24jRvxRKw7YL1Z8b?si=LbwRnR38RnOhOaC-09MSpg
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Cats
10/06/2025
Cats
This week on Beat Motel, Andrew relives his childhood by rolling down Ed Sheeran’s hill into a pile of dog muck, and Dr. Sam reveals he’s spent more time chasing cheese than dignity. Somewhere along the way, they accidentally remember this is supposed to be a music podcast.
The theme? Cats. That’s it. Not subtle. Not deep. Just cats. From SpongeBob’s snail-pet Gary to the purring sleaze of Queen’s “Cool Cat,” we dig into feline-inspired tunes like they’re buried in a litter tray. /episode/index/show/79ad4ef5-01b9-414c-ad55-3885df5be3cc/id/38843225
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Obscure Genres
09/29/2025
Obscure Genres
If you’ve ever wondered what a Finnish man in a bedroom with a broken keyboard sounds like, then you’re weird. But also in the right place. This week, Dr. Sam joins Andrew for a dive headfirst into the murky swamp of obscure music genres, where rules don’t matter and the cats are in charge.
Expect tangents galore: from liturgical black metal to folk electronica via squee (yes, it’s a thing), this episode is a chaotic tour of sounds you probably never asked for. Th
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Back to School
09/22/2025
Back to School
In this nostalgia-drenched episode of Beat Motel, Andrew Culture and voiceover man extraordinaire Martin Whiskin hurl themselves headfirst into the deep, murky swimming pool of school memories—and promptly slip on a Verucca sock.
Expect less of a structured discussion and more of a chaotic ramble through:
Drinking out of pickle jars, Nutella jars, and possibly things we shouldn’t mention.
Childhood trauma via public service announcements that were m
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Songs to swing your pants to
09/01/2025
Songs to swing your pants to
Ever wondered what it's like to be whipped in the cobblers by a carbon fibre tent pole? No? Well, you’re about to. In this episode, Andrew returns to the studio and brings along Dr. Sam for a high-brow chat about testicular trauma, Trev & Simon, and the absolute best music to make your hips involuntarily wiggle like an over-caffeinated toddler.
The theme this week? Songs to swing your pants to. The result? A genre-skirting playlist filled with funkadelic basslines, ska-pu
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Summer Holidays
08/25/2025
Summer Holidays
What is it about British summer holidays that brings out the absolute weirdest memories? Andrew Culture is joined by returning co-host and beard-stroking wordsmith Martin Whiskin for a full-tilt, memory-lane-meets-puke-stained-train episode about all things “Summer Holidays.”
We kick off with threats from Grotbags, traumatising pantos, and a deep dive into the bizarre puppetry obsession of '80s kids TV. From Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog to the musical trauma inflicted by Orville,
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Songs for long car journeys
08/18/2025
Songs for long car journeys
Ever argued over who controls the aux cable on a long drive? In this episode of the Beat Motel Podcast, Andrew and Dr Sam dive into the tunes that keep them sane (or send them spiralling) on epic car journeys.
From Queen's Greatest Hits to post-metal tantrums, and from Pete Seeger’s calm reassurance to jazz-adjacent Icelandic loops, we dissect the soundtracks that power our road trips, intentional or accidental.
Expect ridiculous stories involving bargain-bin CDs, iPad vomit catchers,
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