Dad Bite

Christian and Michelle are living proof that you don't need a license to be a parent. Join them as they discuss the ups and downs of raising their (respective) unfortunate offspring who will likely require therapy after they leave their care.

Ep 24: The Mediator 10/07/2021

Ep 24: The Mediator Welcome back to the nuthouse, Dad Bite listeners! In this crispy Fall episode, special guest "AJ" (Christian's wife) drops in to show us how to split up fights like a pro. We also discuss why someone would be naked from the waist down, why 6-year-olds shouldn't drive (or should they?), and how many fingers a drunk guy can blow off with a roman candle. Finally, Christian regales us with a new segment called, "Dad's F*&% Up Stories." /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/20743322

Ep 23: Dragon Queens and Covid Comebacks (a Spring Story) 04/16/2021

Ep 23: Dragon Queens and Covid Comebacks (a Spring Story) It's all here on Dad Bite's spring finale episode! Special guest "Anka" drops in to help us discuss important social topics like bizarre dreams, drag queen reading hour, and the truth about Santa Claus... not to mention an insightful look at "Only Fans" (porn or not porn?). Join the Dad Bite crew as they embark upon a fantastic sendoff into summer-- we'll see you in the fall! /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/18746708

April Interlude 04/05/2021

April Interlude A short and friendly summer primer from Dad Bite to let you know that a) Summer Break is on its way! and b) we have one more Spring episode to share with you, coming very soon! /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/18600227

Ep 22: Baby Maker 03/05/2021

Ep 22: Baby Maker Happy March from Dad Bite! On this round of Dad Bite debauchery, Christian and Michelle have a chat with Christian's brother, Evan, who shows off his new dad skills. Join these three brain-twisted parents as they discuss magical cures to get your kid to sleep, blowing it out of both ends, and smashing Evan's fancy chandelier. And all the while, Evan gets the pressure of his life to-- yes-- make another baby. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/18208043

Ep 21: You Can Shave Your Baby 01/31/2021

Ep 21: You Can Shave Your Baby It's the vaccine edition! Professional-drummer-turned-nurse practitioner Adam Navone makes an appearance on Dad Bite to fill us in on the important details, like 1) what it was like to get a covid vaccine shot, 2) fun facts about nature, and 3) whether he has ever given or received an anal swab. Along the way, we discuss whether it's appropriate to shave your baby. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/17754458

Ep 20: Dad's Tools 12/30/2020

Ep 20: Dad's Tools It's a brand new year, but don't think that any of us are going to change: join Christian, Michelle, and guest Amber Albin (Christian's sister/ host of the Really Real Mama podcast) as they delve into the last magical ten months with their families. From illegitimate child Christmas ornaments, to unicorn teachers, to the universal mandate to just sh** on your dad, it's all here so that we can usher in the New Year with grossest stories of humanity. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/17366504

Ep 19: Stop D***ing Around 12/01/2020

Ep 19: Stop D***ing Around Happy Holidays from your twisted friends at Dad Bite! This week's guest, "Ossie," (champion dad and fellow smack talker) helps us weigh in on Dad gifts that are truly bizarre. Christian and Michelle also take a moment to ponder "tender moments," virtual kindergarten recordings we wish we could take back, and more phrases that our kids have picked up that will probably land them in detention. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/17011676

Ep 18: Love and Light 11/01/2020

Ep 18: Love and Light No one is spared in this special Fall/ November/ Pandemic Fatigue episode. To start, Michelle discusses (and gets slack for) her new love interest; Christian gets a spirit dragon reading; and both of them let loose about kids who won't f--in clean. To top it all off, one of Christian's tiny princesses gives him a scathing review... expressed solely in art. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/16633601

Ep 17: Numb Nuts 10/03/2020

Ep 17: Numb Nuts This is what happens when you're in the middle of a pandemic: sometimes you have find a new guest. Join Christian and Michelle as they find a new guest (while the other one quarantines), all the while discussing what a census worker's liver tastes like, overly sensitive dogs, and first dates at a strip joint (don't worry, we're there for the fried chicken). /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/16259315

Ep 16: Dirty Cookies 09/07/2020

Ep 16: Dirty Cookies As we launch into the strangest school year on record, Christian and Michelle take a moment to reflect on their respective weaknesses as parents and as people (and there are many). Along the way they reflect on other important topics, like sister wives, the secret to marriage, and the asshole surcharge... and of course, giving someone your dirty cookies. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/15911582

Ep 15: Dad Sneeze 08/03/2020

Ep 15: Dad Sneeze It's just getting weirder out there, and Christian and Michelle are here to not offer their help. Join them as they break down the latest events, starting with the things we teach our children in "Not my Homeschool," bums on a mattress, what a "d-bag" is, and the gross things our kids do. Finally, they stop to consider the non-scientific explanation behind the "dad sneeze," replete with an all-out Dad Sneeze competition that nobody could possibly win. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/15460247

Ep 14: It's Light Purple, You D*** 07/08/2020

Ep 14: It's Light Purple, You D*** There's a lot to think about in this day and age, like why Christian suddenly loses his mind when he talks to Tweaker Trolls... or whether or not his daughters might be eaten by wolves in the middle of the night. Michelle, on the other hand, visits the DMV during the Covid era with her soon-to-be licensed 16-year-old. Finally, we introduce a new segment for Dad Bite called "You Think You're Better Than Me?" where we discuss other parents who claim to be better at this than we are (they are). /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/15124217

Ep 13: Child Labor 06/21/2020

Ep 13: Child Labor Happy Father's Day! In this episode, we celebrate the grossness of being a dad ("Captain Sweaty"), the economics of child labor, and some generally bad tips on parenting. To top it all off, we revel in the poetic glory one of Christian's perennial favorites, Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/14903408

Ep 12: Buy More Watermelon (Weekday Interlude) 06/14/2020

Ep 12: Buy More Watermelon (Weekday Interlude) In this episode of our Weekday Interlude, a.k.a "The Sh**show Review," Christian ruminates on having a midlife birthday, the state of being a dad, and the inevitability of becoming your own dad. Along the way, we also take the time to relive the first time Christian heard his dad curse, as well as what it's like to smell a 3-year-old's fart. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/14812898

Ep 11: Hot Whispers 05/29/2020

Ep 11: Hot Whispers This bi-week on Dad Bite we discuss giving cigarettes to 5-year-olds, the weird allure of ASMR (don't ask), and the futility of homeschooling. It's a sure sign that we're all going to Dairy Queen in a handbasket. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/14613317

Ep 10: Fly Killah 05/15/2020

Ep 10: Fly Killah Time to discuss the finer points in life, like the difference between boys and girls, how we're all sh*** preschool teachers, and why certain protests are just pointless. To top it off, we mourn the loss of the iconic "Hood to Coast" for the year... and all the rudeness missed because of it. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/14429975

Ep 9: Let's Party 04/29/2020

Ep 9: Let's Party Our new co-host Michelle finally joins us from the deep, dark recesses of parenting in the time of Corona. To celebrate her emergence, she and Christian discuss Voodoo Doughnuts, ugly toes, and saying "f***" at home... and for good measure, they even throw in a philosophical discussion about the Tao Te Ching. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/14196959

Ep 8: Pickles 04/08/2020

Ep 8: Pickles Fred, a.k.a. "Bompa," stops by to talk about raising daughters and what it was like to see his own daughter marry the host of this show (Christian). Join us for these awkward moments and more (including 3-year-old swearing sprees, rock-paper-scissors, and adventures in septic maintenance). /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/13905494

Ep 7: Dad's F--d Up Stories 03/22/2020

Ep 7: Dad's F--d Up Stories We're all in this together... from our separate homes. Christian lays out the updates on a new reality of childcare, where children are now in the custody of parents who have no idea how to actually care for kids-- much less their own kids. To help entertain all the tiny miscreants out there, Christian shares his latest rendition of "Dad's F***d Up Stories"; finally, he hints at a new co-host coming to the show. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/13651907

Ep 6: Valentine 02/27/2020

Ep 6: Valentine A how-to episode on what not to do when your 5-year-old daughter starts getting Valentines cards; how to recognize a melodic dog fart; and finally, Jeremy stops by to educate us on how to kill an elk with your car and make sure it still tastes good. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/13321340

Ep 5: My Gramma Did It 02/10/2020

Ep 5: My Gramma Did It Rin rin picks an unlikely candidate to take the blame for her dirty business; Christian offers helpful dad tips for aspiring young princesses; Salomon drops by to talk about falling asleep in your electric car, making your kid jog on the highway, and other great dad memories. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/13085804

Ep 4: Having a Chat with the Butt Nuggets 01/18/2020

Ep 4: Having a Chat with the Butt Nuggets Christian has a post-Christmas chat with the two tiny psychopaths; Bumpy sings a sweet, sugar-free song; the first edition of "Dad Tips" makes a debut. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/12789932

Ep 3: Unicorns 12/21/2019

Ep 3: Unicorns CJ gets rated on his butt-wiping capabilities; Coffee House Michelle stops in and offers some advice about raising girls, covering all the necessary topics like boyfriends, the tooth fairy, and do-it-yourself strip joints. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/12493019

Ep 2: Panty Shortage 08/31/2019

Ep 2: Panty Shortage A panty shortage ravages the house; on the Weekday update, CJ keeps you posted on the "fly-in-the-butthole" trick and the nearly dead Justin Bieber toothbrush; and finally, it's that time of year again... time to play "What Makes Me Angry about Bachelor In Paradise." /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/11071559

Ep 1: Justin Bieber Toothbrush 08/14/2019

Ep 1: Justin Bieber Toothbrush Butts and cherry toothpaste. It's a battle of the wits between CJ and the princesses-- and as usual, CJ loses. /episode/index/show/dadbitepodcast/id/10883533

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