Failures & Fakes

Failures & Fakes is a comedy talk show brought to you by ex-members of The Ongoing Concept, focused on diving into the reality of being in a touring band, telling stories and laughing about a guy they met whose nickname was Poop. That’s right, for the first time in history, 4 white dudes decided to start a podcast. Featuring Parker Scholz, Kyle Scholz, T.J. Nichols and Cooper Nichols.

F&F 40: Victor's Secret 01/10/2021

F&F 40: Victor's Secret This week, T.J. becomes a panda and the boys discuss the necessity of disclosing your foot fetish. Talking points include: That one disease where you're gonna die someday, Banana Bread Boy, Crunchy Chicken, it's-a my mom /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/17484623

F&F 39: Sit on a Yam 12/06/2020

F&F 39: Sit on a Yam We're still alive! Sorry! Cooper caught the virus, which means he was basically dead! But now he's not, and everything is happy and fun and wonderful again. This episode was recorded in late October so if you're wondering why Cooper's talking about not having COVID, well, he got it after this recording. Woohoo! /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/17078246

F&F 38: Music Theory 101, or, "Where do the black keys go?" 10/06/2020

F&F 38: Music Theory 101, or, "Where do the black keys go?" Holy gosh folks, we get nerdy in this one. Like, inside inside baseball. But we fulfilled the show art's claims of being a music podcast, we guess??? Now we never have to talk about music again and are free from the chains of eternal self-imposed oppression. Yay!!! Talking Points include: Born From my Mawther; Slurp That 'Roni!; To be Frank; Yes Man, Yes And; How to Kill a Mockingchicken; How to Killa Gyoouse; Metallic Bark Growl /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/16288913

F&F 37: He started cryin' and I was like "THAT'S HIM!" 09/23/2020

F&F 37: He started cryin' and I was like "THAT'S HIM!" Kyle is a dad now. Not a false prophet dad like Cooper, but a capital D Dad. A father. For realsies. So we talk about that and also movies and Cooper and T.J. yell about Star Wars and capitalism. Talking points: Chrild birth, Hand Conception, Still Tuggin' it, Story Time with Tyler 2.0, or Birds 2.0, Garbage Hole, /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/16121342

F&F 36: Small Meat Airplanes 09/03/2020

F&F 36: Small Meat Airplanes This episode is the all-encompassing Bird Hater's guide to total sky-guy annihilation. Tune in to hear Cooper scream like a dumb bird, T.J. bitch about birds, Parker talk about fishies and Kyle talk about much worse things. Talking points include: Batman but Bread, Son of Mask Baby, Doll-Fish Evolution, How to kill an airplane, Friend of the show and also-alive-person Aaron G. /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/15868184

F&F 35: Beef of the Ground 08/22/2020

F&F 35: Beef of the Ground Come, sit next to the cornhole board, and let us share with you our stories. Watch the sun set over the grain field where we gently nurture wheat to craft Hudson's famous Meat N' Wheat as you listen to us argue over burgers and unthinkable atrocities. Join us. /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/15715205

F&F 34: Blow your Beans, Charlie 08/05/2020

F&F 34: Blow your Beans, Charlie On this week's show, we discuss teen pregnancy, sticky beefsteak hands, and find out, for sure, definitively and without question, that Kyle is a man. Also T.J. yells about penises. Because when doesn't T.J. yell about penises. Talking Points: Buddle, Sticky Beefsteak Hands, Finger your Fingers, Parker's Canine Cravings, Teen Moms, My own Crab Rave /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/15489338

F&F 33: Muff Doom 07/31/2020

F&F 33: Muff Doom This week, we talk about ordering pizza while high, Jimmy Neutron, and how to write rap lyrics according to sagely internet advice. Talking Points include: The Origin of Nickeludeon Slime, camping is in-tents, death by poop toothbrush, screamt and scrawned. /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/15421562

F&F 32: I Know the Noot Noot 07/21/2020

F&F 32: I Know the Noot Noot In this week's episode, the boys talk about who Michael is and whether he's okay. Cooper asks the boys some very thought-provoking questions from Yahoo Answers. Talking points include: Watermelon Fluids, IS MY CAR GAY, I Owe it all to She, ewetube dot com, We Pengu /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/15295928

F&F 31: How to Write a Song 07/14/2020

F&F 31: How to Write a Song Cooper had the chance to sit in with the boys during their songwriting process. This week's show is a look at the philosophy and process the boys use when they write. Also, T.J. hates hot dogs. /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/15201011

F&F 30: Thirty, Flirty and Thirsty 07/07/2020

F&F 30: Thirty, Flirty and Thirsty This week's episode feature's some BAND TALK! That's right, we talk about MUSIC! Like our podcast art advertises! Go us! Also featuring some nasty shit like Kyle eating pizza while naked. Talking Points include: Eighteennakedcowboysville, Pizza Congruency, Naruto Tentacles, Scrome, Scrame and Scroted, Kyle's Diaphragm, (s)--if any-- /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/15113144

F&F 28: Irish Cream 06/23/2020

F&F 28: Irish Cream This week's show includes our standard offering of poop stories and unexpectedly serious conversation. Kyle talks about stupid coworkers and anxiety, T.J. once again tries turning this podcast into one about old films and the boys talk about what they're doing with The Ongoing Concept. /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14930879

F&F 27: The Magnificent Negative Pressure Foot Chamber 06/16/2020

F&F 27: The Magnificent Negative Pressure Foot Chamber The boys return to their nasty nasty roots and talk about foot-condoms, earthworm guts and more. They also discuss the subject of Dahvie Vanity being an absolute garbage human, Cory Brandan's Twitter fuck-up and more. /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14841806

BONUS: Arrows Before Bullets EP Commentary 06/15/2020

BONUS: Arrows Before Bullets EP Commentary The boys talk about the Arrows Before Bullets EP, which is not totally amazing but maybe some of it is. Next bonus will be part 1 of 2 of our Saloon commentary! /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14820701

F&F 26: How to Join a Band (HINT: DON'T) 06/09/2020

F&F 26: How to Join a Band (HINT: DON'T) In today's episode the boys talk about how to join/start a band and crush all of your hopes and dreams. You're welcome. We also talk about the music we've been listening to because apparently y'all care. Look out for bonus episodes featuring commentary of every TOC record releasing (hopefully) every Thursday! /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14751587

BONUS: What Is My Destiny EP Commentary 05/31/2020

BONUS: What Is My Destiny EP Commentary The F&F boys discuss their first EP and try to roast it (even though I think we all liked it a lot more than we wanted to). We hope you enjoy! /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14641346

F&F 25: WHAT ARE YOU GOING 05/26/2020

F&F 25: WHAT ARE YOU GOING This episode is a big ol' roast including all the meanest comments Cooper could find on Lambgoat and YouTube. We also talk about a few interviews TOC participated in before they were even grown-up boys. Join us on an adventure of discovery including WHAT ARE YOU GOING IN MY HOUSE XD, Cooper's room temp IQ and Kyle yelling about how we've already done this song. We know, Kyle. /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14566337

F&F 24: The Jake Chronicles 05/19/2020

F&F 24: The Jake Chronicles On today's show we chat with our brother Jake Nichols about his experiences touring with TOC for two weeks way back in 2015. Talking Points: Dammit Audrey!, Kyle's Butterballs: Redux, Van Farts, Homophobic Headliner, Belle Haven Buds, Use The Back Toilet /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14478041

F&F 23: WHY WE QUIT 05/12/2020

F&F 23: WHY WE QUIT In this ultra-long episode, the boys explain why they left The Ongoing Concept. In this director's cut of the story we give you all the juicy details (not really), share all the hottest goss (but not really) and share some never-before-heard, mind-shattering truths (that part just is not true). Now you can stop asking us! /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14382971

F&F 22: Soak or Sop 05/05/2020

F&F 22: Soak or Sop In today's show, we talk about the boys' experiences with fans, merch design and hawking your shit. Angela Shinkarenko guests as our resident shrinkage expert. Talking points include: Filthy Hockey, Dip Your Balls, How to Soak, Woman Voice, Thicc in a good way /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14287100

F&F 21: We Can Drink Now! 04/28/2020

F&F 21: We Can Drink Now! On today's show, we talk about how the show has made us realize how bad we all are at talking. We also ridicule Kyle for owning a small personal zoo. Talking points include: Manscaped Man, Idda-Voppay, Flesh Straw, Microgasm, Megabit Megadick, Elongus Testicalus /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14187998

F&F 20: Baby Under the Womb Tree 04/21/2020

F&F 20: Baby Under the Womb Tree On today's show we talk about how bands make money (or lose it), how COVID-19 is affecting musicians and we catch up with Kyle's baby updates. Talking Points: Artist Lroyalties; Don't be a fuck boy, drop a buck boy; I'll be your Fuckleberry. LET'S GOOOO!!! /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/14078870

F&F 19: The Sex Ed-pisode 04/14/2020

F&F 19: The Sex Ed-pisode Today's show is 100% about sex and boners, including our worst high school boner stories. Talking Points: Spermicidal Vesicles, Horny Teenage Monster, Everyday Bone at Nine, Mr. Keith /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/13980260

F&F 18: Steven Seagall Feather 04/07/2020

F&F 18: Steven Seagall Feather This show is about how we're dealing with the current horror of life. We also get a story from Kyle (weird huh?) and a history lesson from Parker/ Talking points include: HYOONDAIE, Stop Sign Ad Campaign, Blood Straw, Live Laugh Lube /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/13883663

F&F 17: Seven Layers of Ankle Ball Hell 03/31/2020

F&F 17: Seven Layers of Ankle Ball Hell In today's episode we talk about our new YouTube channel, our meme contest, shitty interviews and worse festivals. Talking Points include: Kyle's Mic Lips, Nose Printer, Parker's Juicy Laugh, 3rd Arm (On Your Back), Parker's Roast Beef Fetish /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/13776653

F&F 16: Kraft Mayo Xenophobe 03/24/2020

F&F 16: Kraft Mayo Xenophobe In this show, T.J. and Cooper challenge Kyle's beliefs on freedom of speech. The hosts also talk about getting drunk off of one beer. Talking points include: Come out of Fear, Respect People, Jimmy Johns vs Pita Pit Ultimate Showdown, Cumpiss Squirrel /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/13675817

F&F 15: The Legend Of Poop 03/17/2020

F&F 15: The Legend Of Poop This episode features discussion of the making of the Arrows Before Bullets music video and the man called Poop. Topics include: 4 year old Peter Jackson, Get Out Of Me: Origins, Poomph off Da Bike, Pillow-Moving Demons, Foot Death. /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/13579181

F&F 14: Hand-Hwipe 03/10/2020

F&F 14: Hand-Hwipe We talk a lot a bout poop in this one. We also talk about the band's music videos for Failures & Fakes and Like Autumn. Topics include: Communal Shit Pile, Sloth Logs, Chili Oil Disaster, Titular Music for Titular Podcast, Humans in a Wagon /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/13482887

F&F 13: Nirvana Nor Pearl Jam 03/03/2020

F&F 13: Nirvana Nor Pearl Jam In this extra explicit episode, we talk about the band playing a show at their high school and we might also talk about testicle acoustics. Topics include: Food Stink > Ballsack Stink, High School Fame, the concavity of your sack, Duct Tape Plane, Brotherhood of the Traveling Thong /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/13390208

F&F 12: Episode Dozen 02/25/2020

F&F 12: Episode Dozen Episode Dozen: Part 2 of our discussion on making the instruments for Handmade. (Hint: those instruments weren't used for the album) Topics include: Parker's Pterodactyl Predicament, Penile Front (for money laundering?), TJ's crippling dyslexia, Thank you jaming Handmade /episode/index/show/failuresandfakes/id/13291163

Failures & Fakes

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