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Get Back to Living Life, Not Just Existing
01/21/2026
Get Back to Living Life, Not Just Existing
Core Character Traits (CCTs) are four deep relational capacities that shape your patterns, relationships, leadership, and long-term growth. When life gets stressful, these traits quietly determine whether you stay steady—or slide into “leaky roof” symptoms like overworking, people-pleasing, shutdown, perfectionism, or control. The Four Core Character Traits Attachment: Capacity for safe connection—notice emotions and needs, stay present, and give/receive closeness without shutting down or panicking. Separation: Capacity for a clear self—boundaries, assertiveness, and tolerating disagreement or rejection without collapsing into guilt, fear, or resentment. Integration: Capacity to hold reality—face imperfection, disappointment, and limits without shame, denial, perfectionism, or cynicism; learn and grieve well. Authority: Capacity for mature influence—grounded voice, initiative, and decision-making; relating to power with mutuality (not one-up/one-down) and leading for something bigger than ego. Strengths vs. Deficits (Why This Matters) A strength is a capacity that holds steady under stress. A deficit is an underdeveloped capacity that drives predictable patterns. What It Can Look Like Attachment: Strong → name feelings/needs, reach for support, stay connected. Underdeveloped → withdraw, numb out, or feel anxious/clingy as closeness deepens. Separation: Strong → hold boundaries, say no, tolerate conflict/difference. Underdeveloped → people-please, avoid hard talks, resent, or blow up. Integration: Strong → own limits without shame; learn from failure; grieve honestly. Underdeveloped → perfect, defend, blame, minimize, or numb to avoid “feeling bad.” Authority: Strong → speak clearly, take initiative, and decide without constant approval. Underdeveloped → second-guess, over-control, hesitate, or posture to feel safe. Common Symptom-to-Root Clues Overworking / can’t rest → Authority (approval dependence) or Integration (shame about limits) People-pleasing → Separation (fear of conflict/rejection) or Attachment (fear of disconnection) Withdrawing in conflict → Attachment (closeness feels unsafe) + Separation (difficulty holding boundaries) Perfectionism → Integration (mistakes feel like unlovability) Controlling leadership → Authority (anxiety about outcomes) and/or Attachment (difficulty trusting) 4 Quick Self-Check Questions Attachment: When stressed, do I move toward connection or away from it? Separation: Can I hold a boundary without guilt, fear, or resentment? Integration: Can I face mistakes and disappointment without spiraling into shame or defensiveness? Authority: Can I speak and act with confidence without needing approval first? Next Steps Choose one trait for 7 days. Notice triggers and practice one small “toward move” (reach out, set a boundary, name a limit, speak up). Resources Boundaries (Cloud & Townsend) • Attached (Levine & Heller) • The Developing Mind (Siegel) Take the Makin Institute Personality Profile (MIPP):
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