Fight Like a Mother

Parenting children with mental health challenges can be isolating and lonely. Here you can find community with a host and other people who understand. On this podcast we will be chatting with therapists and other experts to provide resources and help with parenting kids with mental health challenges and differently wired brains.

102: What kind of world do you want to live in? 02/19/2025

101: How a 5 minute walk changed my life 02/07/2025

100: Cheryl where have you been? 01/08/2025

99: Unshoulding your life 07/01/2024

098 Get into nature and chase adventures to energize your soul 06/07/2024

097 We are never more completely ourselves than when we play 05/22/2024

96: Creativity brings healing. 05/15/2024

95: Trusting God to do his work. Unpacking unhealthy beliefs when your kids leave your faith. 05/03/2024

95: Trusting God to do his work. Unpacking unhealthy beliefs when your kids leave your faith. This episode with Jill Freestone as a guest is part 2 of a series about when our children leave our faith tradition. What do we do as parents? How do we unpack some of the unhealthy narratives we've absorbed over the years about our role as parents in our kids faith journey? What things have been said over pulpits in years past that have made us feel like if we are just righteous enough our kids won't leave our religion? This episode actually focuses heavily on some of the doctrine and cultural beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and how they have affected parents reactions to their children leaving the church for generations. How can we have healtheir responses and relationships with our children who leave? Why is nurturing and building that relationship so important? What is our job as parents? to love, nurture, teach (not control outcome) to do our own internal work shift from a fear based relationship with God/ church to agency/love/ infinite grace and compassion/ eternal progression Honor agency and choice Focus on connection over control Respect boundaries Expand our perspective Recognize that just because we teach principles doesn't mean they will follow them Most parents and kids are operating from a Fear and control based relationship with God themselves as well - NOT AGENCY Do we believe in a compassionate grace filled God? Do we believe in an infinite atonement and eternal progression? When and where does God’s compassion and grace end? never What do our Heavenly Parents really want for Their children? Growth and to practice love Reteach grace and atonement This is essential as well as Can we stop putting God in a box and truly trust God enough to take care of our children? Your kids have a Savior and it's not you. Teens and young adults questioning and pulling away from their parents is a health and normal part of development. Even older adult children who were never given the freedoms to question and experiment and pull away may do that often at midlife. God is in relentless pursuit of us and eternal progression is the good news of the gospel and of jesus coming to earth to heal every single one of us. /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/31099423

94: What if my child leaves the church? Nurturing relationships when beliefs change. 04/30/2024

94: What if my child leaves the church? Nurturing relationships when beliefs change. This podcast episode is a bit of a shift from my normal mental health content, but I feel this topic is so vital for so many families today, I am seeing so many parents struggle. So many families are having shifts in religious beliefs within their families and it can be challenge for relationships that were often built upon those religious beliefs and values. Because our religious traditions and beliefs are rooted in the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints, we talk about our beliefs within that framework, but the principles apply to any relationship where beliefs differ. Today's guest is none other than my oldest child Nathan. Nathan is one of my favorite people on earth. He is a deep thinker, kind, steady, funny and is such a pleasure to be around. Nathan served a 2 year mission for the LDS church to Washington. Within the last year or so Nathan's religious beliefs have shifted and he has chosen to walk away from the church and beliefs he was raised with. Nathan is one of my favorite people on earth and I cannot imagine not having a close realtionship with him even through this shift of belief for him. We have been able to maintain and even improve our relationship with Nathan during this time even though we still participate in the church. It takes humility on both side, willingness to listen, opening our hearts and minds and respectful boundaries. For us as parents it has been vital to expand our faith and not see things in black and white. When our religious beliefs are deeply rooted through generations (both my husband and i have pioneer ancestors who crossed the plains to Utah with the Mormon pioneers) and so much of your life is informed by the culture and traditions of that church, it can almost feel like a personal attack when your child steps away. The LDS church isn't just a church, it's a lifestyle and affects the very core of your identity. So we often get defensive and angry and hurt. In this episode we have the hard conversations and talk about what it looks like to have a deep, loving, respectful relationship when our teen or young adult (or even grown adult) child leaves the church we beleive with every fiber of our being /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/31046873

93 Grief is the healing process that brings us comfort 04/25/2024

Caring For You Caring For Them 04/10/2024

The Glass Child 03/22/2024

The Glass Child Welcome to the fight, like your mother podcast. I'm so glad that you are here. I am sharing an episode today that I have been thinking about doing for a really long time. And I haven't done it because I wanted a therapist. Slash expert who knows a lot about this to come on and talk about it because I haven't felt qualified to do so. However lately it won't leave my brain. And I've asked several therapists who said they don't feel qualified to come on and talk about it. So if they don't feel qualified, then. I can do my own research and figure this out. So I know that I need to record this. Now, and it's interesting because I posted a instagram posts about this very topic and that eight Han of responses about it. And people who've wanted to learn more and have never heard about this. Or who have heard about it, but didn't know much about it. So it is time now. Perhaps if I find the right person, , I will have another therapist and we'll do another episode on this particular topic, , to give some insights and things that I don't share. But I do have some valuable experience. And personal. Deeply personal things about this particular topic. And I feel like it may be really valuable for lots of families, including my own actually. So the topic I'm discussing today is about the siblings. Of kids with extra intense needs. , This can happen with physical health challenges. Mental health challenges. Kids with autism. There's a myriad of reasons why. , this. Particular thing can happen. It can actually even happen in like children of divorce. , and things like that. So this applies to lots of families out there. , but let's, we're going to talk about it in regards to the sibling of. The sibling of somebody who has intense mental health challenges. That's what we're, our focus is going to be today. But these principles apply to so many. So how does this in particular affect these kids? How do they feel about it? , are they overlooked? Do they have a voice, et cetera? And each of these questions are really valuable and important to think about as parents. But I also don't want this to overwhelm you or shut you down as you're listening. And I don't want you to feel guilt or shame about this, that isn't the goal here. I don't want to give you more. To put on, you're already over loaded, overwhelmed to do list. And I certainly don't want to give you more to worry about. So in fact, I want you, as you go throughout listening to this episode, I want you to really, really be aware and notice your feelings that you're having. Notice what pops up in your brain and how your body feels. And just notice those things. Don't judge yourself. And if you're noticing some hard emotions coming up, maybe take a break. Do some breathing. Take care of yourself. Nurture yourself. And then turn it on again. Don't stop listening because you're feeling negative emotions because sometimes we need to sit in the discomfort. There's a sign there. I'm going to bed. Okay. Good night. In fact, during this episode, I want you to notice your feelings about what's coming up. Notice what pops up in your brain, how your body's feeling. And just notice, just be aware and don't judge yourself. If you're feeling a lot of discomfort. That actually is okay. And if you need to take a break for a few minutes, Go do some breathing. Go nurture yourself. Go do that, but come back because discomfort doesn't mean we just stop. We can sit and deal with those uncomfortable feelings. And we can continue on. So the objective of my episode. Today is to bring voices and awareness to these kids. Our kids. Who matter? And their feelings and their traa. And their voices matter. And I know you believe that because you are an awesome parent. You really are amazing. And you're overwhelmed and you're overworked and you don't have enough support. But these kids deserve to be heard and validated and supported. So did you know that there's actually a term. For the siblings of, uh, Extra needs special needs child. It's called a glass child. Some people call it an invisible child, but we're going to use the term glass child. And now it's not because they're fragile. In fact that are often viewed as extremely strong, extremely independent, extremely self-reliant. They're called the glass child because they often feel like they are see-through and invisible. To their parents and others. In fact. Today I heard of an experience where a mom went out to lunch with one of her kids. This mom has an extra needs child. And the mom's friend and the mom's friend spent the whole time talking about the special needs child. And telling the other sibling how lucky they were to have her. And they were learning so much. That child was see-through in that moment. That lunch needs to be about that particular child, not the special needs child. , these kids are often. Too strong. To responsible have to grow up too fast. And they are too good because they don't want to put any more burden on their parents because they see how overworked and overwhelmed their parents are. So last child syndrome, isn't a medical condition or even an official diagnosis. It's just a term often used to describe these unique challenges and strengths of the siblings of children with chronic illnesses. Disabilities mental illness, et cetera. Glass children or siblings, they might this. Brother or sister of theirs might be. , Have different abilities. Has a serious physical or mental illness. And their behavior and their care. Takes a disproportionate amount of parental time, any emotion it takes away from the parents' ability to provide the necessary things for. The sibling. They tend to get emotionally neglected. They often strive to be perfect. And problem-free because they're super sensitive to the needs of their sibling. And actually that sensitivity. And compassion. Is a strength that they will get from this experience in their life. And we're going to talk about the strengths later, but I just wanted to point that out. They often have to take on additional responsibility before they're mature enough to do it. Or they feel like they need to be perfect all the time to not cause more problems. And so they become perfectionist, hypervigilant, et cetera. , they often don't want to be as strong as they seem and often aren't that strong, but they put on kind of a strong face for their family. They can be transparent to lots of people, including their parents, grandparents, teachers. Friends, et cetera. And a 2010 Ted talk speaker, Alicia arena, who was a glass child, herself due to a sibling with autism. Drew attention to this phenomenon that resonated with many. She said glass children take on these caretaker responsibilities, and naturally we are conditioned to not have problems. We are supposed to be perfect. When someone asks us how we are doing the answer is always, I'm doing just fine. She said we're called glass show. Not because we're weak. But because sometimes we feel like people look straight through us as if we're made of glass. She continues. I didn't even know it was okay. Not to be. Okay. You cannot take for granted the emotional health of your children. Every emotion that you feel. Whether it's pain. Or grief or anger, frustration, fear. Concern crisis of faith. If you are experiencing all of these as an adult, because of your special needs children. Your other children are feeling all of that too, but they have the coping skills of a child, not F an adult. So when you ask your healthy child, are you okay? And they say, yes, mommy, I'm fine. Don't believe them. They are not fine. How can they be fine if they are experiencing what you are experiencing? And they are a child. So I think that's a really important perspective to have, they are seeing all the things you're seeing. They're experiencing all the things that you are experiencing. And imagine how hard it is for you as a grown person. It was a fully functioning brain. And yet they have the coping abilities as of a child. And so we often say, oh, kids are so resilient. They'll be fine. Let's help them be resilient. By giving them the support that they need. So this issue is actually deeply personal to me. Because my husband was a glass child. , he didn't want to come on and talk about this personally, but he gave me permission to share a little bit about his experience. He grew up just 16 months younger than his older brother who had a significant congenital heart defect. From birth. Had multiple open-heart surgeries had multiple scares with death throughout. His lifetime. And my husband was a little brother, just a few months younger. His brother needed lots of support and medical attention. Through no fault of his own and he deserved and needed to get that right. I'm not discounting that he needed to get what he deserved. And so did my husband. And he was often overlooked and, , was for sure a glass child. His parents are wonderful and did the very best that they could. But he grew up needing to be way more independent, not cause problems. , To be really self-reliant and resourceful. But little David. David is my husband. And even sometimes big David. Often felt or feels invisible on light glass. And he deserved. To have his needs met and have his voice heard. So that's why I'm sharing that now is because his story. As part of this family. And being that. Little bit younger brother. His story also deserves to be heard. So he has a very unique perspective on this with our own children. We have talked about this much in our own home. He is hyper aware of how our children are feeling. And to make sure that they are supported and loved and validated that we show up for them. Et cetera. So I asked him what advice he would give. And he said, Show up for your kids and be excited to be wherever they are. , second is have your kit just be aware, is have you assigned your kids a role in the family? Not of their choosing. Like have they been assigned to be the caretaker, the dependable one? The right. Just one, the companion to their sibling. , the. One who never, they never have to worry about schoolwork or church or. , sports, they they're responsible for getting themselves. Everywhere. They're supposed to be. And are you giving them more responsibility than they should be given at that particular age? And third, as he said, make sure that you are not taking them for granted that they are fine, that they don't have needs. , Make sure that they know how grateful you are for them. And that you are doing your best to meet their emotional needs and wants. So the extra needs in our home are not physical health, like a heart condition. But they are mental health, but really they're not all that different. The toll it takes on parents. Mentally emotionally and physically is super draining. And I completely validate that. I think all of us are doing our best. And we are exhausted. Because our minds are constantly racing. With what we can do for this child, who's struggling. Are they going to be okay? Are they safe? They take up much of the space in our brain. And often we're so grateful for these kids who seem to be doing just fine. Because we don't have the energy to really check in with them. Okay. Again, I want you to check in with yourself. And excuse my coughing. I've been dealing with a cough for over a month, but. Here we go. Check in with yourself now. Where are your thoughts going? If they are going to shame and guilt, ask yourself why sit with it for a minute. Are you feeling blamed for this? Circstance that your family is in. Are you feeling like you have to fix this? Are you feeling like. I'm not doing enough. I'm not enough, et cetera. Count. You have to think about that. Maybe writes the thing, the feelings down, the thoughts down in your, in a journal or something. And I want you to ask yourself why you're feeling those wet that way. Did you create these circstances? Did you. Did yo , Want a child with extras needs. This is not your fault because this is due to circstances beyond your own control. And I promise you that healing can happen for both you and your kids. Please keep listening because I am going to talk now about some things that we can do. Uh, to help our kids feel validated and heard and supported. Okay. First of all though. Are you. Feeling validated. Supported. And heard. If you're not, I want you to think about how you can access. That kind of support for yourself. Maybe it's a spouse that you can talk to. Maybe it's a best friend. Maybe it is. A parenting coach. I know have a good one. Maybe it's a therapist. But you deserve that validation and support. Maybe it's writing in your journal, some of your struggles. And thinking about it and supporting yourself. I want you to find a way for it to be validated and supported and seen yourself. So that you can do this better for your kids. So here's some ideas of some things we can do. Here's a really powerful experience. I had several years ago, listening to a podcast with Dr. Julie Hanks. She did a live coaching session with a good friend of mine. Courtney brown. Courtney was talking to Julie about her children. Courtney has some kids with some extra needs. And she was talking about how to support her other kids through this experience. And Julie says something really powerful to Courtney that I've never forgotten. She said your kids need to have a voice about this. Give them the permission to talk about it. To have their feelings to vent. Even if they are hard to hear and unpleasant and uncomfortable. Open up the conversation by saying something like. How is it to have a sibling who needs a lot of extra attention? How does it feel to you? Let them vent their feelings. Listen. Way, way more than you talk. Then ask them how you can better support them. That completely changed me. Because it opened me up to communicating more openly with my own kids. I needed to deal with some of my own prep, so I could become a safe space so that they knew that they could talk to me about it. Without me getting weird and defensive and telling them, they said, shouldn't say certain things or feel certain things. Their feelings. Every single one is valid. I knew that the worst thing I could say would be to tell them that they were wrong for feeling that or bad for saying something about their sibling. Saying things like, well, you shouldn't say that about your sibling. Or telling them that they just need to be positive and love their sibling more by shoving down their feelings. That's not what I wanted for my kids. So we also have to be really careful that if they say things about us, Not giving them enough attention. That we don't get defensive. It's hard to do. It's hard to not get defensive because we really are doing our best. But we also need to listen to them. And. We don't want to play the victim. Because our kids don't need that burden. They don't need us to say, but I'm just doing my best. Because our best doesn't feel like best for them. So we don't need to just tell them that they just need to be grateful that we do so much for them that. They're being entitled or anything like that because they're not. This isn't about us. It doesn't mean we aren't a great parent. It means our kids are hurting because we are hurting. Remember, they're kids dealing with this really hard situation. So us starting out to notice. To listen. To take again, an ability and apologize to them for how we've heard them or we haven't given them enough. Love listening attention, et cetera. Asking them how we can do better. It can be really empowering to them. It gives them a voice. It opens them up to believing that we care about what they are saying and feeling and needing. It gives us a glimpse into how we can do better. I want to talk about. What if our kids come to us and say, It's not fair. That my sibling gets all the attention or they have to do less around the house. Or they get treats when they go to the hospital or they go to therapy or on and on and off. Right. You know what. The best thing we can say to them. You know what you are, so right. This isn't fair. It doesn't feel fair to anybody. I am so sorry that you are feeling that. It's actually true. It's not fair. It's not fair to them. It's not fair to you. It's not fair to the child who has. The extra needs. None of it feels fair. And it's valid. So then again, ask them what they need from you. How can I help you feel? More supported. And honestly, if you have little kids, They're not going to be able to articulate these things. So notice where there. Attention. Is notice things that they love to do, notice what they want to do with you. And then give them that edit, added attention and time. I had a question from someone in my Instagram community that said one of their kids is really mean to them child with special needs. And could this be why? And I don't have a lot of information on this. So I'm just going from that very small piece of information that I have. It's very possible that that is why. That to me, screams that they need attention and connection with you as a parent. And they will get that. No matter how it happens because negative attention is better than no attention. So look at the behavior as a message to you. They need you. They need your connection, your presence in their life. So. This doesn't have to be long hours and hours of time with our kids. Often. They just want 10 minutes with mom when they're going to bed and read a special story and have a little laughter and fun and play. Maybe they get a special time during the day where they get you to themselves. When this older sibling is at school or asleep or something. Let's think about this. What if meeting your other kids needs, wasn't another drain on you. What if it could fill you with joy? What if, because you were new, that you were meeting. And it really intense need and want of your child, that it fills you with joy. And wasn't just another thing on your to-do list. What, if you could do things that bring you both intense joy. What, if you could teach them something that you love to do, or you spend time doing something that you loved as a kid. What if doing things with there with your other kids gave you the break that you so desperately needed. You arranged care. For. All the other hans in the home who needed care. And you go out with your kids and you play Pokemon go, or you go geocashing or you go for a walk or you go to the dog park with your dog or. Anything. They are, they've earned a special. , treat with you. Actually, they don't need to earn the special... /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/30492273

CHANGES PARENT SUPPORT NETWORK: A free parent support resource for parents of oppositional with unsafe behaviors with Jessi Stringham 02/01/2024

CHANGES PARENT SUPPORT NETWORK: A free parent support resource for parents of oppositional with unsafe behaviors with Jessi Stringham Does your child have challenging and sometimes rebellious and unsafe behaviors that have you desperate for a resource? Are you feeling fearful and desperate? This podcast could be your answer. Today my guest Jessi Stringham shares a resource for parents that is free and really amazing. It is a peer led support group that is extremely well organized and From the Changes website: Changes Parent Support Network was incorporated in December 1996 and groups officially started meeting in January 1997. We are a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization and are not affiliated with any other group or religious organization. Members include Couples, Single Parents, Stepparents, Guardians, and Grandparents. The families we support have one or more acting-out children ranging in age from middle school to older adult children. Our program provides support and tools for parents to change their own behavior, not “fix” their child. We promote independence and natural consequences for our kids’ actions, which is usually not an appropriate approach for younger children. Regardless of your child’s age, we will welcome you at Changes. But you may find that our members have less personal experience to draw upon and share if your child is in elementary school. Typical problem behaviors can be: Violent or abusive Oppositional and defiant Failing grades or not attending school Substance abuse Stealing at home or shoplifting Gang involvement Running away The purpose of the group is not to change our child's behaviors. It is to help us give up that need to control and work on changing our own mindset and behaviors toward our children. We can support them and support ourselves and allow them indepedence to find their own path and feel the consequences of their behaviors. This is an amazing resources for parents who are feeling anxious and fearful and need support to know what to do. You can call this number . to start the process of signing up. /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/29746308

The Trauma of "Good Mom" Syndrome 01/25/2024

The Trauma of "Good Mom" Syndrome The trauma of “good mom syndrome” In this week's episode, we delve into the profound truths and challenges of parenting children with intense needs. The episode explores the concept of parenting trauma and the importance of acknowledging and validating the difficulties faced by parents in raising kids with unique challenges. Key Points: Toxic Positivity and Trauma: I address criticism received for acknowledging the traumatic aspects of parenting. Rejecting toxic positivity, the episode emphasizes the need to validate and openly discuss the challenges faced by parents. Studies on Moms Raising Kids with Autism: I share statistics from studies on moms raising children on the autism spectrum, highlighting the prevalence of trauma in this community. Understanding Trauma: Distinguishing between acute, chronic, and complex trauma, the episode emphasizes that trauma is about the lasting impact on individuals rather than the events themselves. Community Responses: The host reflects on the heartbreaking responses from the community about the traumas they've experienced, ranging from suicide attempts to encounters with law enforcement. Societal Expectations and Parental Trauma: The episode explores how societal expectations and judgments contribute to parental trauma, discussing the harmful beliefs about what makes a "good parent." Challenging Beliefs: The host shares personal struggles with societal expectations, highlighting the internal conflict of being raised to create a safe and happy home while facing the reality of parenting challenges. Healing from Trauma: Practical steps for healing include self-compassion, challenging negative beliefs, and adopting the mantra "What other people think about me is none of my business." Becoming Teflon: The episode explores the concept of becoming a shield between parents and societal judgments, emphasizing the importance of letting go and not internalizing others' opinions. Shifting Mindsets: Encouraging parents to shift their mindset, the episode concludes with affirmations of the incredible strength and intentionality of parents navigating the challenges of raising children with unique needs. Closing Message: "You are incredible, don’t let anyone, including yourself tell you differently." /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/29641173

When Parenting is Traumatic with Robyn Gobbel 01/17/2024

When Parenting is Traumatic with Robyn Gobbel My guest today is Robyn Gobbel, therapist and parent educator. Robyn Gobbel, MSW, loves coffee, P!NK, and everything about the brain. Once (recently!) her teenager went ballistic on her for getting ANOTHER (glitter!) coffee mug in the mail. Robyn loves cultivating deep, resonant connections with anyone who is up for it, and is especially fond of all the grown-ups in the world who love and care for kids impacted by trauma- helpers, healers, educators, and parents. Her favorite thing ever (besides glittery coffee mugs) is teaching anyone who will listen to harness the power of neuroscience so they can cultivate deep, resonant connections. What would change in the world if we could all do that? To see, be with, feel, and deeply know each other...and ourselves. Robyn thinks everything could change. You can get your hands on all sorts of free resources at www.RobynGobbel.com, including her podcast, The Baffling Behavior Show. Robyn is the author of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work (September 2023). We chat about when parenting is traumatic and how that affects our nervous system and impacts everyone in the family. When we are parenting kids with big challenging, sometimes frightening behaviors can put us in a space of nervous system dysregulation and we can't function as our best selves Parenting can be traumatic… I cannot wait to share with you this podcast. A few months ago I saw a post by @robyn.gobbel about this topic and it spoke to me. It made me cry to be honest. I felt seen and validated. I immediately messaged Robyn about being a guest and she graciously said yes. It is an incredible interview and I hope the parents who need it will find it and also feel seen and validated. If you have any of these, you may have experienced or are currently experiencing parenting trauma: •Sensitized Stress Response •Stuck in Protection Mode •Compassion Fatigue •Irritable •Hypervigilance •Depression •Grief The trauma is real and that can bring shame and guilt upon us, because what parent gets traumatized by their child? Nervous system printable Link to buy Robyn's book. Use code Bafflingbehaviors20 for 20% off /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/29524018

FLMP 087 The Cracks are Where the Sparks Shine Through 01/03/2024

FLMP 087 The Cracks are Where the Sparks Shine Through The last time I chatted on this podcast was in April last year. I chatted with two dear friends who I was planning a conference with. We chatted about our lived experiences of having mental health challenges in our family and how much we needed support and couldn’t find it. That was the kick off to sharing about our in person Fight like a Mother mental health conference in September. I fully intended to continue regular podcasts and follow up about the conference etc…and it obviously did not happen. Planning that conference was one of the bright spots of my 2023. I am so proud of that conference and what we were able to provide for our attendees. Resources, support and community. I won’t share nitty gritty details of my 2023 because much of it is others stories to share but their stories and struggles did affect me and have become part of my story too. I shared a post on instagram yesterday of a photo of a women who is sitting down fully veiled. YOu cannot see the woman, she is completely covered. When I saw this photo it literally took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes, because I was this woman. Much of my year I felt veiled and shrouded in the dark. It was hard to get out of bed, it was impossible to clean my house, it was a struggle to feed my family. My mental and physical health were greatly affected. I withdrew from most people. And yet I am seeing a therapist regularly, I started medication but nothing seemed to be able to get through the dark veil of depression. I could not figure out what was happening, for a long time I didn’t try to figure it out because it was too much work and took too much energy to do so. I didn’t have the bandwidth. The year wasn’t actually all that terrible, it was the first year in a while where we hadn’t had suicidal ideation or attempts from our kids but we were dealing with some other heavy things. One day I was listenting to a podcast about trauma and grief and it hit me. I had not dealt with the layers of trauma that had been building up for years. Not only had my dad died the year before and I’m not sure I had processed that but also I had not acknowledged the living grief that comes from lost expectations plan and life completely turning upside down and not looking ANYTHING like I had ever hoped or planned or prayed for. That grief is real and feels constant. I had the tools in my toolbelt, I knew what could help, I knew going for walks and getting into nature would help. I knew eating healthier and journaling and all the things would be helpful…and yet I just couldn’t. The energy required was not there, the pull of my bed and my weighted blanket seemed to be the only reprieve and safe space I could inhabit. Things that never felt unsafe or uncomfortable before felt terrifying. Relationships that I have had for much of my life felt too hard and risky. I couldn’t share the darkness, what would they think of me? I couldn’t do small talk, that felt disingenuous and inauthentic. I really felt like a shell of myself. Until….a couple of months ago. I felt a spark, to be honest I’m not sure what even prompted it. But I felt a spark of being myself. I felt a spark of energy, of hope, of light. I told my therapist I’m feeling lighter and I’m ready to do the hard work to peel the layers and layers of trauma and grief. I wasn’t in a space to do so before. I grasped onto that spark. As I have done so, I have seen and felt more and more sparks of light permeating that shroud. I have seen Cheryl again in moments and felt great relief. The darkness is still there I’m not gonna lie, but the light is getting stronger and more consistent. I’ll be really honest that sometimes I just wanted to stay in the dark, in my bed, shut myself off from the world. It seemed easier than doing the work, but it wasn’t easy being in that space either. So I guess we get to choose our hard either way. This year I chose a phrase to focus on of radical acceptance of myself, my circumstances, what I can control etc.and also radical alignment with who I am, with my core values, what will benefit my mental health. Besides the daily things that have to be done like dishes, fixing meals, exercise cleaning etc which I don’t love but they do align with my core values of caring for myself and my family if it doesn’t align or make me feel more like me, it’s gone. One silly example? Uncomfortable clothing? GONE, Clothing that doesn’t feel like me? GONE! I no longer dress how others think I should, I dress for me to feel good and feel more like myself. One thing that has brought me tons of light that is filling the cracks is celebrating the small stuff. I went for a mile walk in the sunshine? GO ME! I chose to drink water instead of diet coke? GO ME! Celebrating the small wins, motivates me to continue to push along and continue to do the things that bring the spark. At our in person conference we rented a large gong and set it up and asked people to share their wins on post it notes and post them on the window behind the gong and then they sounded the gong after the posted their wins. Sometimes when you are living with mental illness in yourself or your family the wins look very different. They were incredibly touching. Things like, my daughter now cares about her hygiene and takes showers daily. I don’t want to die any more. Now I want to share with you something so fun that I did with my Instagram community this last week for the new year. I asked them for their wins for 2023, I wanted them to acknowledge their sparks and “sound the gong”. I want to share some of them with you. Maybe their celebrations will help you see the wins in your own life and help you see the spark that can permeate any darkness you may have in your life. Come join our Patreon community! /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/29320288

086 Our lived experiences needing support and resources with Aymee and Ember 04/27/2023

085 What do you want? 04/12/2023

084 David Kozlowski: Borderline Personality Disorder 03/15/2023

083 Systems are failing parents of kids with mental health challenges with Cheryl Cardall and Dr. Nicole Beurkens 03/02/2023

FLMP 082 The Window of Tolerance with Brenna Brooks 02/21/2023

FLMP 082 The Window of Tolerance with Brenna Brooks In this episode I chat with therapist Brenna Brooks about the concept of a window of tolerance. The window of tolerance is when our nervous system is functioning well. We can handle stress and big emotions. Our pre frontal cortex is fully engaged so we can make good decisions, have good judgement and not be controlled by our stress or trauma. When we shift out of the window of tolerance we go to either hyper arousal or hypo arousal. Our nervous system is sensing threat so it goes into fight or flight mode to protect us. We have zero control when something is going to send us to hyper/hypo arousal, it is simply a survival mechanism of our amygdala in our brain that is trying to protect us. Often for people who have been through trauma their brain sees everything as a threat so their window of tolerance is small. Some characteristics of hyper arousal are: Anger, melt downs, running away, irritability, difficult sleeping, panic attacks, self destructive behaviors Characteristics of hypo arousal are: Numbing out, sleeping a lot, depression, flat feelings, feeling trapped, helplessness. When we can start to be aware of our own window of tolerance and notice when we shift out of it, we can notice our emotions, behaviors and feelings within our body. Our nervous system is how we shift out of our personal window of tolerance, but the good news is, it is also how to get back there! The good news is that through learning about and utilizing tools, going to therapy and being aware of our body and nervous system, we can expand the capacity of our window of tolerance. Grounding ourselves is an important skill to learn.Grounding is a self-soothing skill to use when you are having a bad day or dealing with a lot of stress, overwhelming feelings, and/or intense anxiety. It means going back to our body. Here are some tools to use to use when you are in hyper arousal: Wave or box breathing (listen to hear more about what that is) Imagining a safe calming place to go like the beach, a favorite spot in your home, nature etc and closing your eyes and putting yourself there Putting lotion on the top of your hand, noticing it there, rubbing it in novel and new ways. utilizing your 5 senses, notice what you smell, hear, see and touch Tools for hypo arousal: Novel, child like movement. Put on your favorite dancing song from childhood or teenage years and get up and dance. Stretching Yoga Using pressure points put your hands in ice cold water go for a walk The key is to create safety in our body, within ourselves so our nervous system knows we are safe. The body keeps the score of trauma and stress AND it is also the solution to healing. Resources to learn more: /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/25994460

081 Finding ease and miracles in the midst of challenges with Courtney Brown 02/01/2023

080 I wanna run to you with Lisa Paulsen 01/25/2023

079 It Gets to Be Both 01/21/2023

078 Power of Releasing and Letting Go 01/05/2023

078 Power of Releasing and Letting Go Happy 2023! This time of year so many are talking about resolutions and goals and words or themes for the year. It often feels like lots of pressure to join in to change yourself or make new habits, systems etc. Sometimes we cave to the pressure of social media and others because we feel the push to set those high goals and resolutions because of the expectation that we do so. What I am going to talk about today is just that, expectations. What we think we should do, what others think we should do, what we think others should do. Those expectations can be challenging to meet and nearly impossible to make others meet our expectations. For the past several years I have chosen a word or phrase for the year. It has helped me focus on things I want to work on. Last year my phrase was “Do the next right thing.” I think about what word or phrase I want starting in about October/Nov. I look for patterns, or lessons I’m obviously supposed to learn. This years word stemmed from a therapy session I had back in October. Lots of challenging stuff was happening and I was extremely stressed out. My therapist said, “Cheryl I want you to practice detaching.” Umm what? Isn’t attachment important for loving relationships and good mental health? Yes, yes it is. Healthy attachment to people. She wanted me to detach from outcomes, from others moods or choices. Hello, my name is Cheryl and I’m codependent. I fall into fix it mom mode really often. I am hypervigilant trying to prevent bad moods or anger or bad choices. I try to smooth things and do things for kids to not have conflict and make things easier. It really all boils down to wanting to control because I feel like I’ve lost control. So my word for 2023 is Release. Release the control, release the expectations, release of the outcomes. Release of others opinions, release of others judgements. Release of expectations others have put on me. This is NOT easy in any sense of the word. Letting go is possibly the hardest thing I do as a mom. I mean think about it, from the time our kids are born, our purpose is to work ourselves out of a job as we teach and encourage our kids to be more independent. When they are babies and young kids, we have a lot of control over their actions, when they eat, go to bed, who they play with, what clothes they wear (unless you have a very headstrong child :). As they get older we lose the control, we lose the ability to control who they interact with, their choices, attitudes, beliefs etc. It can be so hard to let go of that! I think so many of us had an idea in our head about what our family would look like, what our kids might do, what they would believe, accomplishments they would have. If we just did all the right things and were a good enough mom, they would “turn out” good. We put our expectations on our kids of what we thought, expected and wanted….and then life goes on and they get older and more independent and what happens? What happens when they reject our beliefs and values? What happens when they don’t do what we think they should do? Not only do they not live up to those expectations, but quite honestly what happens if they do the opposite of what you wanted for them? How do we handle that? What does that do to us and our relationships? A quote I love, that is by Anne Lamott says this, “Expectations are resentments under construction.” When we put our expectations on others and put so much emotional work into them, we will be resentful when others don’t live up to them. The attachment I had to my own expectations for my kids wasn’t just causing stress, but it puts strain on my relationships with them. When I release those expectations of what I think they should do or who I think they should be, it frees up more emotional space and allows me to focus on what is truly important, the relationship and connection. When I can really see them for who they are and allow them the freedom to explore it, even when I can see it may cause them pain, it may lead to hard consequences and may take them on a life path that may be rocky it allows me to not try to control the, but to walk alongside them and be a support. I have been reading the book Co-dependence no more by Melody Beattie. In the book she says, “Detaching doesn’t mean we don’t care, it means we learn to love, care and be involved without going crazy. Detaching means stepping back from obsessive worry, stepping back trying to control their beliefs, behaviors and moods. Stepping back from trying to rescue or jumping into fix. We allow them to be responsible for their own choices and we don’t interfere or protect them from natural consequences that might result. As we detach or release ourselves from the results of situations and expectations we can live in more peace. Often I think our need to control or our stress about lost expectations comes from worry about what others might think. What will people think about us as parents? How will our kids choices reflect on us? Will others still like us? Will they like our child? What will they think about our child? Attachment to the control, behaviors, choices, outcomes of others or their judgment or opinion of us is based in fear. When we can recognize that and release it we can be more open, we can work on not being controlled by fear or judgement or others opinions or the outcome of our child. Sometimes I think the attitude out there is our kids are “products” or “results” of our parenting. If we do it “right” the “product” will turn out “right”. I think we are often taught that if we teach them right, if we share our values, if we love them enough and provide well then they will turn out. Well our kids aren’t a product, and they aren’t a result. They aren’t a blank slate for us to write our story on, they aren’t something to control. They aren’t a trophy to hold up so others can admire our work. They are a complex human being who we want to support and teach and influence yes, but what if we really examined our expectations of who they are, of what they “should” become and instead focus on letting them unfold themselves to us. And let me say, I am not saying you can’t have expectations of how you are treated, of kids helping out around the house, of them attending school and doing their best. Some kids can meet those expectations and are fine to do so and excel. However what happens when they don’t, what will you do? I think it’s really important here to meet our kids where they are at, to know where they are at and drop our own agenda. I’ll share a parenting fail here. One of my kids had gotten fantastic grades throughout middle school and the first year of high school. I had visions and expectations of full ride college scholarships and awards etc. However His junior and senior year were tough, his grades slipped pretty significantly, he was not doing well. I hounded him and checked his grades and assignments obsessively, I used his past good grades trying to “motivate him”. What it really did was cause him great shame. I missed the signs of depression and ADHD. He couldn’t do well because his mental health was sliding pretty drastically. It was almost too late when I recognized it and he barely graduated. My expectations made things much worse for him and for our relationship, he felt he couldn’t tell me what was going on because I wasn’t open to it. I was basically telling him to “buck up” and just do it because I JUST KNEW he could because of past performance. He was smart enough, just not motivated enough. I wasn’t meeting him where he was at, he couldn’t meet my expectations because of health reasons. My expectations made things much worse for him and for our relationship, he felt he couldn’t tell me what was going on because I wasn’t open to it. I was basically telling him to “buck up” and just do it because I JUST KNEW he could because of past performance. He was smart enough, just not motivated enough. I wasn’t seeing beneath the surface of the behavior. My expectations made things much worse for him and for our relationship, he felt he couldn’t tell me what was going on because I wasn’t open to it. I was basically telling him to “buck up” and just do it because I JUST KNEW he could because of past performance. He was smart enough, just not motivated enough. Another example from my life. When my husband and I married we said, all of our sons would get their eagle scout and serve an LDS mission, our daughters would also get awards at church for goal setting and also serve missions. We would accomplish this (see it was based on US< OUR accomplishment) by being very diligent at scripture study, going to church, serving, teaching them our beliefs. We had 4 sons and 1 daughter and imagined our own little army of missionaries. Guess what? My oldest is an eagle scout and returned missionary. He may be the only one who is on that road. My second kiddo hated scouting and did not want to serve a mission and came out as non-binary last year. My third loved scouting but not the expectations with advancements and merit badges, didn’t think he could live up to them. He doesn’t attend church. My youngest two, I’m not sure what will happen with them as far as missions and their future. My expectations were based on what I thought a “good family” looked like. They were based on my parenting, if I just did all the right things, my kids would “turn out”. I saw it as a reward for my good actions and good parenting. I have since learned that my relationship is far more important than what they do. Their worth isn’t based on them getting the scouting award or going on a mission, or getting scholarships, or being a starter on the football team. Their worth is infinite and set in stone. Their worth doesn’t change and neither does mine when they choose differently than I had planned. Sometimes my push for them to meet my expectations pushes them completely the other way and causes defiance and rebellion. This is all fine and good, but HOW, how do we do this? I’m a work in progress on this for sure so I’m working through it. The 1st step for me was being really mindful and aware of my expectations. Examine those “shoulds” you’ve put in your child. Do I know my child well enough to know if they can meet this expectation? Is this reasonable? Is this my desire for them or is it their desire for themselves that I can support? Is my worry about them not meeting it based from fear or love? Is it based on worry about what the school, or church members or family members might think of me? Of my child? If that is the case, that is inner work we need to do on ourselves to heal those wounds of people pleasing. Is my trying to smooth things or being super fixer mom because of my own anxieties or fear (ummm YES 100% yes). Is my own worth tied into what my children do or how they behave? Once we are aware of our expectations and why and where they come from, I encourage you to really dive into your relationship with your child. Start getting curious about their life, about the path they want to follow, about the choices they are making and why. Why is school hard for them? Why are they choosing the friends you don’t want them to be with? Drop your agenda for them, allow them to be who they are. Open your heart and mind, work on your judgements toward them, their friends, their choices. I have found when I really work on seeing them, on getting to know them, on getting curious and open instead of anxious and judgemental, it builds our connection rather than distances us from them. Is our pressure on them really making them better? Even if they are high achieving and doing all the “right things”, are they doing it because they want to and its their desire or are they doing it to please us and other people? Are they doing it because they are an anxious perfectionist and are so stressed they can’t be truly happy? Even kids who can meet our expectations may be doing so to earn our love, to earn their worth etc. Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through our expectations. Let go, release, focus on loving them. Focus on loving yourself and working through your own wounds to heal so you don’t project them onto your kids. Next week I’ll share my other word for 2023, yes I have two this year! Thanks for listening! I would love a good review if you feel so inclined and would love you to join my Instagram community under my name Cheryl Cardall. /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/25509927

077 How I stopped taking everything so personally with Emily Hamblin 09/28/2022

076 Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable 09/15/2022

076 Getting comfortable with being uncomfortable PODCAST #76: Get comfortable with discomfort Experiences recently of feeling uncomfortable. Max, not my story to share, but feeling their pain and struggles. It is not the most comfortable to listen to someones raw pain. But it expanded my mind, my perspective and most of all my heart. I learned how to love better. Suicide prevention month. September is often filled with social media posts about statistics and such surrounding suicide. That is great, but only if it brings awareness and inspires action. That is the easy work with suicide prevention. Suicide is not an easy topic to bring up, its dark and messy and complex. It feels scary to talk about. It feels scary to talk about with your kids. But doing the real work isn’t comfortable, because it’s not a comfortable topic especially for those who are suffering. it is sitting with people in their pain. It is allowing them to share their darkest thoughts with you. It is sitting in the discomfort and supporting someone in their lonliest places. Because I promise you that the discomfort you are feeling surrounding it, is nothing compared to the hell people are going through who are living with those dark thoughts and the pain that they would be better of not being on this earth. I listened to a podcast yesterday by Glennon Doyle and her team with Dr. Becky Kennedy who I know as drbeckyatgoodinside on Instagram. It was mind blowing. I highly recommend listening (language warning). They talk about how as parents we don’t like to feel uncomfortable, our kids behaviors trigger us and we don’t like to feel that way. Why do we not like feeling uncomfortable? I have found that many of us were raised not being allowed to express our sadness, anger, frustration. We were sent away to our room or punished or told that we just needed to smile and be happy. None of these things taught us that our emotions and discomfort is okay and its part of being human. So when our children express their own big emotions, it feels SUPER uncomfortable for us and sometimes we don’t know how to process it or support them. Society and church and family can really discourage us from showing our difficult emotions because it’s uncomfortable for them. Because if we had more faith or optimism or positive mental attitude, then we could just be happy! Well the purpose of life isn’t just to be happy. The purpose of life is to feel the wide range of emotions. ONe of the most important things we can teach our kids is how to feel and process those uncomfortable feelings. I have asked many parents I have worked with what their job is as a parent and many have said it’s to make sure their kids have a happy life. Well guess what? That isn’t you job because you can’t control their emotions. We need to realize It is OKAY for them to be sad, disappointed, angry etc. If we don’t like seeing them that way, then we need to dig deep internally about why that is. I’m guessing its a childhood wound we can work on healing. We didn’t have people who validated us and saw us and could sit in our pain with us (which is indicative of their emotional wounds) Dr. Becky talks about how to parent in connected, respectful ways AND how to hold boundaries. Our kids are going to feel disappointed, mad, frustrated with us A LOT. That’s okay, it’s okay for them to feel it. It’s okay for them to express it…even in uncomfortable ways like I HATE YOU, YOU’RE THE WORST PARENT EVER (5/5 of my kids have said those things to me). Instead of sending them away or punishing or screaming back at them. We can say something like, “It sounds like you are having a hard time and feeling some big emotions. Its okay to feel that way. I am here for you when you want to talk about it.” Staying calm (which isn’t comfortable or easy), validating them and supporting them in their struggle is so key. Dr. Becky says the most important words a parent can say or convey are I BELIEVE YOU. Or I see you. Another example for teenagers could be wanting to go to a party or out with friends you don’t feel comfortable with. 1. Validate…wow it sounds like you are excited about this party. I believe you taht all the cool kids will be there and that is sounds like fun. 2 AND (the power of and) I’m not comfortable with you going because I’ve heard about some of the things that happen at those parties and I don’t think its safe. 3. Partner with them (this may have to be later after they feel their feelings about telling them no.) What are some other options this weekend to hang out with your friends? I know you enjoy being with people and having fun on the weekends. i’m happy to have them over here and get pizza or take you bowling or something. Let me know. I would say the most important skill we can learn as parents is EMPATHY, listening to our kids, believing them, recognizing they are struggling and digging deep and embracing them. A few years ago I set a goal to read books that were written about people vastly different than I am. I read books of people from different races, countries and cultures, about addicts, people in different religions and sexual identities. It wasn’t always comfortable for me, but it was eye opening and heart expanding. Reading and especially really listening to people’s stories of struggle, of heartache, of pain, of self discovery, of addiction etc. isn’t always easy but the rewards are incredible. Books are great for this, as are podcasts, but the real reward comes from sitting face to face with someone and looking them in the eyes and saying I BELIEVE YOU, I SEE YOU. I am willing to sit in my discomfort to witness yours and ease your burdens. I am so thankful for my journey of not only reading about people who are different from me, but really sitting and listening to them face to face. Sitting in their pain with them, allowing the discomfort to pass through me to get to the connection that comes when we are willing to open our hearts and minds. Vulnerability is key being vulnerable to pain and discomfort is such a mind and heart expanding experience. You don’t have to look far for people who need someone to sit in their pain with them. They may be right in front of you, in your own home. They may be a next door neighbor or a long time friend or a church member or your mom or sister. It isn’t easy especially at first. YOu may want to solve their issue, you may want to give advice, you may want to tell them how to do their life differently. However that’s likely not what they need unless they ask you for it. Bite your tongue and listen, even if it’s hard to hear. Even if they are pushing against your core beliefs, even if they are making choices you don’t appreciate. Listen to your kids when the only way they can express their pain and struggles are to tell you they hate you. Recognize it’s not about you and when things are calm, find time to connect with them and talk about better ways to communicate. Let them know you can handle their pain This is called true empathy and those empathy muscles can be strengthened by listening to others, not judging and being willing to be uncomfortable. Brene Brown the queen of empathy says this, “Empathy is communicating that incredibly healing message of “You’re not alone.” I challenge you this week to just listen to someone. When your child is having a hard time, don’t preach, don’t try to be right, don’t dismiss them. EMPATHIZE. LISTEN. Help them know they aren’t alone. /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/24382563

075 Creating flexible, self supporting habits with Monica Packer 08/30/2022

075 Creating flexible, self supporting habits with Monica Packer In this episode I have such a great chat with Monica Pack of the About Progress podcast about how to create flexible self supporting habits for overwhelmed moms. Monica shares the 4 types of "habiteers" which are: 1. The martyr: they believe habits are balls and chains, they are ruled by "shoulds" and believe habits are all or nothing. 2. The Dropper: believes habits are full routines and they drop the full routine because they can't accomplish it 3. The Overacheiver: They shoot for the stars and try to create enormous habits they can't achieve so they believe they aren't capable of keeping habits. 4. The Dangler: Somehow they believe habits will just get inserted into their life if they just want them bad enough. So they are left dangling without having habits that stick. Monica shares that she has read hundreds of books about habits and self improvement and the majority are written by men. She said women need more flexible, self supporting habits and need to remove the shame and find self compassion. Monica's sticky habit method is to build supportive habits on a daily basis to take care of our needs and desires so we are better equipped women and mothers. She shares that flexible consistency is key. For example, if one of the habits you want to nurture is working out, an all or nothing approach is that you have to do it the same time every single day for an hour. A more consistently flexible approach would be to prioritize it, but maybe it's split up. You walk the kids to school for 15 minutes and then come home and do yoga later for 20 minutes. The workout still happened but it wasn't so rigid there wasn't wiggle room for being a mom, being interuppted, being up all night with a baby etc. We are much more likely to create a habit that sticks when we are compassionate and flexible with ourselves. Monica is teaching a FREE master class about Sticky habits and you can register here! /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/24208518

074 Roots charter school and 243 with Tyler Bastian 08/17/2022

074 Roots charter school and 243 with Tyler Bastian I love to share goodness. This podcast is just that. Tyler Bastian, the founder and principal of Roots charter school is a human being who is making a huge difference in this world. His school serves at risk students who may have failed in other schools, who may have been expelled or are court ordered to be there. This school is a working farm, they have 5 acres with animals, a garden, flowers etc. All the kids are active participants at the farm. The philosophy at Roots is 2-4-3 which means We Love You. Tyler says it is plastered all over the school where you never turn a corner without seeing it. Their driving force and motivation in working with these kids is unconditional and powerful love. If a student has a behavioral issue, the first thing they ask them is "Do you know I love you?" If the students says no, they ask them which adult at the school they feel loves them, then they go get that person and that person talks through the issues with the student. Tyler says everyone has a voice at their school. He says often we talk about empowering our kids but don't actually want to give them power. At Roots Tyler says the only difference between him and the students is that he has been on the earth longer than them. There aren't power plays at this school, they value each student as much as each teacher and show respect and love toward each person. He says the behaviors of not going to school, defiance, failing grades are all symptoms of deeper issues and until we get to the root cause we won't actually help the kids. You can't love them out of their struggles, but you can love them through it. He suggests that parents slow down their reactions to their kids. Take a pause and soften your approach. Ask more questions, listen more than you talk. He says when your kids welcome you into their world, go along as a passenger and don't be a back seat driver. Let them guide their path and you go along as a guide and support. If we aren't enjoying our kids, then WE need to change so we can enjoy them. Play is a powerful way to connect with our kids. Separate their grades and behaviors from your relationship, divorce who they are and who you are from their behaviors and words. Love them through it. /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/24080583

073 How to approach going back to school with kids who struggle 08/11/2022

073 How to approach going back to school with kids who struggle It is back to school time, it’s on all the commercials advertising shopping, it’s all over social media where you are being shown how to create cute lunches and the latest and greatest lunch boxes, moms are showing how to have a night time and morning routine. How to best support your kids so they excel academically, what classes to take to get into the best colleges, padding your college resume with extracurriculars… Well this isn’t that podcast…. Some of us aren’t worried about sandwiches in cute shapes, balanced lunches, perfect routines, academic excellence or our kids getting into college. For some of us just getting our kid to school sometime during the day is a huge accomplishment and to be quite honest some members of our community are just trying to keep their kids alive and nothing else matters. I have personally been there. Quite honestly sending kids back to school adds a whole new layer of stress at my house. I don’t get excited for back to school. It means 1000 more things added to my already overflowing plate. When you have kids that struggle with school, it can add so much worry and fear to your already exploding brain. So if you relate to my feelings and are worried about school and have kids that really struggle This podcast is for you *your child is far more important than school grades, attendance or behaviors *Focus on the present, not let yourself worry and fear for the future *Try to be flexible, find other alternatives, listen to your kids ideas and partner with them to find something that works for them *See your child for the beautiful human they are. Their worth is not tied into their schooling. Your worth as a parent isn't tied into their schooling Encourage them, guide them, have their back, support them. *There are many paths to success, there are very successful people who didn't graduate from high school in a typical way. See beyond the small box of the typical way to success. *Decide now how you will respond when things are difficult with school. Your relationship matters most and your child matters way more than their grades! /episode/index/show/fightlikeamotherpodcast/id/24022713

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