HARK! The Holiday Music Podcast

Your hosts Ian & RJ review and rank every Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, holiday, et cetera song. All of 'em. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.

Episode 385: Songs About Birds About Christmas 05/07/2025

Episode 385: Songs About Birds About Christmas In honour of World Migratory Bird Day, we're listening to two songs about birds! And also, Christmas! "The Gift" by Garth Brooks definitely has a bird in it, but beyond that, offers more questions than answers. "Christmas is For the Birds" by Conway Twitty and, uh, "His Little Friends", has a decent amount of answers, and a decent amount of birds, but a distressingly low amount of Conway Twitty. The ranking music in this episode is "The Christmas Song" as performed by Big Bird and the Swedish Chef. Also, . /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/36465205

Episode 384: Three Gees A-Maying 04/23/2025

Episode 384: Three Gees A-Maying As May approaches, we're celebrating... May, I guess? May. Christmas songs that mention May? Yes. And no, not "May your days be merry and bright". We're talking MONTH OF MAY ONLY. First up (appropriately enough) is "First of May" by The Bee Gees. Then we hear the endearingly baffling "When Was Jesus Born?" by Lil Gee (no relation). The ranking music in this episode is "First of May" by Jonathan Coulton. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/36274075

Episode 383: Keep the Weed in Weedmas 04/09/2025

Episode 383: Keep the Weed in Weedmas It's that time of year again! And for this rare holiday equinox which sees Easter, Passover, and 4/20 overlapping, we endeavor to cover some weed-tacular winter holiday songs with more of a religious connection than in previous years. We find great joy in the sincere silliness of "Little Dealer Boy" performed by Willie Nelson and Stephen Colbert. Then, unfortunately, we really fucked up by listening to "Angels We Have Heard on High" by a band that we're not even going to mention by name here because we don't need that kind of heat. Suffice to say, they are definitey, definitely not Rastafarian, even if their t-shirt that says "Not a Rasta" in green, yellow, and red letters with a big lion winking on it is raising a lot of questions answered by the shirt. (Note: there's also another artist featured on the song who we confused for a member of the band because she isn't credited well on the youtube video, so we're just going to go ahead and leave her out of this too.) We would like to formally apologize for our failure. We promise next year to properly blaze it and keep the vibes chill and tight. The ranking music in this episode is "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy" performed by Bing Crosby and David Bowie. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/36062925

Episode 382: Blobby Cheekmas 03/26/2025

Episode 382: Blobby Cheekmas Blobby blobby blobby blobby! Blobby blobby? ...Blobby. Blobby blobby blobby! ...Nah, just kidding. But we did listen to "Christmas in Blobbyland" by Mr. Blobby and friends, followed by "Cheeky Christmas" by the Cheeky Girls. See ya at Nandos, I guess! The ranking music in this episode is "Brodyquest" by Neil Cicerega. Thank you to Liam for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/35865045

Episode 381: Pitchfork Might Break Your Heart 03/12/2025

Episode 381: Pitchfork Might Break Your Heart Let's get existential up in here!!! In this episode, we discuss two bummer songs beautifully delivered: "Christmas Eve Can Kill You" by the Everly Brothers, followed by "Christmas Will Break Your Heart" by LCD Soundsystem. The ranking music in this episode is "Daft Punk Is Playing At My House" by LCD Soundsystem. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/35649335

Episode 380: Our Everybodies, Our Everyselves 02/26/2025

Episode 380: Our Everybodies, Our Everyselves International Women's Day is right around the corner, and in this episode, women are taking the mic! Uh, a few women, anyway. Performing a pretty specific sub-category of songs. And they are all from the same one country. Regardless!! First, by request, we listen to "Merry Christmas Everybody", a cover of Slade's Christmas hit performed by Sohodolls. We pair it with another woman vocalist covering another UK Christmas #1 song, "Merry Christmas Everyone" performed by Rae Morris and Lucy Rose. The ranking music in this episode is "Punk Rock Christmas" as performed by Majorettes. Thank you to CJ for requesting "Merry Christmas Everybody" by Sohodolls! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/35433815

Episode 379: Vaguely Valentine's Day 02/12/2025

Episode 379: Vaguely Valentine's Day Valentine's Day is almost here, and we're celebrating! Uh, sort of? Most importantly, the songs are good. They're decent. Give them a chance. In fact, "Christmas Baby" by Infinity Song is practically begging to be given a chance, for better or worse. If second chances (or lack thereof) are more your thing, try our next selection, "We Should Be Together" by Rosie Thomas and Sufjan Stevens. This is a simple theme! It's romance songs!! Simple!!! The ranking music in this episode is "We Belong Together" by Mariah Carey. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/35251390

Episode 378: A Balm on the Bus 01/29/2025

Episode 378: A Balm on the Bus As Groundhog Day approaches, we recognize the cultural association of the holiday with the concept of repetition and take some repeat requester's requests! The two songs suggested by longtime listener Liam present us with two distinct flavours -- though both are very much of the year 2020, and both come to us from Scottish artists. "Humans Are Not Worth Saving" by Michael M is a catchy little pop-punk ditty about immortal zombie Santa having an existential crisis (like you do). On a completely different emotional wavelength, "(I Wish You) Peace In Your Heart" by Blue Rose Code featuring Karine Polwart is a heartfelt gift offering solace in hard times. The ranking music in this episode is "Maybe This Christmas" by Ron Sexsmith. Thank you to Liam for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/35061685

Episode 377: Vegeta Rap Vejanuary 01/15/2025

Episode 377: Vegeta Rap Vejanuary I don't want to mislead you. We don't actually have any Dragonball Z related holiday hip-hop songs to cover. Sorry. To be clear: we're very, very open to theming an annual celebration around them if you find any! For now, all we have is "Grinch" by Jae Wes, followed by "Grinch Rap (Santa Diss)" by Ess. The ranking music in this episode is, of course, "Grinch 2000" by Jim Carrey and Busta Rhymes. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/34863065

Episode 376: Danuary 01/01/2025

Episode 376: Danuary It's our first annual, definitely real and permanent, mark-it-on-your-calendar-for-January-2026 feature: Danuary, a celebration of singer-songwriter Dan Wilson! You might know him (and love him) from his band Semisonic (FYI, all of Feeling Strangely Fine slaps, not just "Closing Time", and you should revisit it), but did you know he's written lots of songs for other artists? Learn this and more in this inaugural Danuary episode!! To kick off Danuary, we review "Holiday (What Do You Want?)" performed by Mike Doughty and Rosanne Cash (but written by Dan Wilson, of course), followed by "What a Year for a New Year" by (who else???) Dan Wilson. The ranking music in this episode is "Busting Up a Starbucks" by Mike Doughty. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/34677725

Episode 375: Proper Proper Crimbo 12/18/2024

Episode 375: Proper Proper Crimbo Our 2024 milestone episode is here! Aiming to hit the highest of holiday highs, Ian tries to select something dear to Jam's heart, but may have miscalculated. Looking for the worst of the worst, Jam does a bad music cram-session and comes up with something properly bad but also slightly inscrutable. The ranking music in this episode is "Together At Christmas" performed by Kermit the Frog and the cast of The Christmas Toy. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/34507930

Episode 374: Biblically Accurate Krampus 12/03/2024

Episode 374: Biblically Accurate Krampus It's almost Saint Nicholas Day, which means it's almost our anniversary, which means it's almost Krampusnacht! We're celebrating with two songs about Krampus. More specifically, we're celebrating with two songs about being a horny little freak for Krampus. Sometimes that's just how episode themes shake out, you know? First up is the campy parody "Krampus Daddy" by Jinkx Monsoon, followed by the cheerfully kinky "Krampus" by Golden Idols. The ranking song in this episode is "Holiday Freak Shit" by Mila J. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/34273720

Episode 373: Mrs. The Snowman 11/20/2024

Episode 373: Mrs. The Snowman With just a few short weeks until the winter holidays hit, Jam and Ian forgo Christmas music to instead ponder some questions posed by the most existential of winter symbols: snowpeople. Instead of reminding us of the inevibility of death, these snow-person songs ask us to ponder why we project our own cultural hegemonic order onto three balls of snow with some sticks in them. That's the theme! Cultural hegemony vis-a-vis snowmen!! First up is "Hanukkah Snowman" by folk-punk artist Phranc, followed by "Snow People" by The Okee Dokee Brothers. Does Jam, for not the first time on the podcast, spend an extraordinary amount of the episode talking about the weird sequel to the Rankin-Bass Frosty the Snowman in which he gets married and also The Bible brings a snowparson to life? Guess, buddy. The ranking music in this episode is "Winter Wonderland" by Earth, Wind & Fire. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/34029482

Episode 372: Birthday Boi's Video Game Pitch Meeting 11/06/2024

Episode 372: Birthday Boi's Video Game Pitch Meeting It's time to celebrate what is surely the most important and impactful event happening this week: Jam's birthday! That means it's BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE time, and they have chosen two songs from our favourite difficult-to-search British electro-pop charity-Christmas-single-producing duo, Christmas Aguilera! Our discussion of "Santa's Car" accidentally turns into a bit of a book report comparing and contrasting to other holiday tunes on similar themes, while our talking points re: "Christmas on Mars" quite intentionally turn to Jam's grand adaptation ideas. Also: we sing a lot in this one! The ranking music in this episode is also "Christmas on Mars" by Christmas Aguilera. It's really good ok!! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33813852

Episode 371: Psychobilly, Qu'est-ce Que C'est? 10/23/2024

Episode 371: Psychobilly, Qu'est-ce Que C'est? It's Halloween and we're taking some EXTRA SPOOKY* requests! Two tracks off of the Psychobilly Christmas compilation album - "Halloween on X-Mas" by The Coffin Caddies and "Silent Night, Deadly Night" by The White Coffin Terror - attempt to inject some frights into the festive, but do they succeed? And isn't there anyone who can tell Ian what psychobilly is all about?? *Spookiness results may vary. Twang not included. The intro sting in this episode is "Main Titles (Beetlejuice)" composed by Danny Elfman, and the ranking music is "Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)" performed by Harry Belafonte. Thank you to Kevin for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33579917

Episode 370: Jesus Died For Our Crocodiles 10/09/2024

Episode 370: Jesus Died For Our Crocodiles Sometimes, when you do a year-round holiday music review podcast for nine years, you pitch a ridiculous idea and you kinda just gotta trust the process. We're celebrating the fact that "Oct" sounds a little bit like "croc" with two crocodile-themed song selections! "Merry Christmas Baby (Please Don't Die)" by Crocodiles and Dum Dum Girls wraps a gloomy sentiment in a cheerful (if somewhat hushed) package, while "The Christmas Crocodile" by The Big Cheese Band seems like a straightforward vehicle to launch a new Santa animal companion, but is actually a clown car full of one surprise after another. The ranking music in this episode is "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John. Stay safe this Croctober, y'all. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33386722

Episode 369: Taking Care of Nonsense 09/25/2024

Episode 369: Taking Care of Nonsense Listen, at the time of this recording, Sabrina Carpenter's album WAS at the top of the charts. She's still near the top! Top-ish! WE REMAIN RELEVANT In this episode, we discuss Sabrina Carpenter's 2022 Christmas track (and soon-to-be basis of a Netflix special, apparently) "A Nonsense Christmas", followed by the circa-2015 "Christmas the Whole Year Round". Join us as we celebrate Carpenter's musical journey, from pop production that projects virginity to the most dick-puns-per-minute song in the podcast's history! The ranking music in this episode is, of course, "Nonsense" by Sabrina Carpenter. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33198532

Episode 368: Lower Twang Quotient 09/11/2024

Episode 368: Lower Twang Quotient It's back to school season and we're back to taking listener requests! That's not really the theme of the episode, but it is true. This week we cover two listener requests for two versions of the same song! First up, we listen to "Nothing But a Child" as performed by Robin and Linda Williams for the Prairie Home Christmas compilation album or audiobook or live broadcast or whatever the case may actually be. Then we visit the original (and much twangier) version by Steve Earle. The ranking music in this episode is "A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill. Thank you to Patricia and Liam for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33003622

Episode 367: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Syllables 08/28/2024

Episode 367: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Syllables Hey, listen. As I'm writing this, Ian and Jam are both very jetlagged. They don't remember why they thought covering these songs would be fun. It was a nightmare. August Got Run Over By a Reindeer is a nightmare in general. But hopefully, that's fun for you, the listener. In honour of the Election Year (and because we gotta cover these versions of GGROBAR eventually), we listened to "Obama Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by Doc Pearson and "Kamala Got Run 0ver by a Reindeer" by...... (checks notes)..... Bubba Beige? I think that's right. The ranking music in this episode, and all August Got Run Over By a Reindeer (AGROBAR) episodes, is “Everything Sucks” by Reel Big Fish. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/32769592

Episode 366: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Good Kerning 08/14/2024

Episode 366: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Good Kerning Savor with us, won't you, the delectable second year of August Got Run Over By a Reindeer? The second year is the brief stage of a made-up tradition in which we could, if we had better judgment, back out: haha, that sure was a funny joke we made last year, an annual month of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer related songs! By the third year, we'll be in too deep; listener expectations will force us to continue. And yet, dear listeners, we have not opted to take this last exit. We stay the course. We persist. We drive on, like so many sleighs over so many grandmothers, down this lonesome highway once again. The songs in this episode are, bafflingly, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy and "Grandma's Homemade Christmas Card" by Merle Haggard. It will make sense when you listen, I promise. The ranking music in this episode, and all August Got Run Over By a Reindeer (AGROBAR) episodes, is “Everything Sucks” by Reel Big Fish. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/32569907

Episode 365: Atoning for Our Ska Sins 07/31/2024

Episode 365: Atoning for Our Ska Sins It's been almost a year, and the time has come. In August of 2023, Ian was incorrect about something. More incorrect than we usually are about things on this podcast. And so, we attempt to set things right by giving ska its due. Our ska education starts with Al and the Vibrators' "Merry Christmas", followed by Toots and the Maytals' "Christmas Feeling Ska". The ranking music in this episode is "Polka Face" by Weird Al Yankovic. (For the record, Ian chose this.) /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/32360682

Episode 364: I Wish It Was Birthday Today 07/17/2024

Episode 364: I Wish It Was Birthday Today Ian's birthday has us pondering important questions, including: What does the early 00s sound like? Are British people more excited out of their gourds about Christmas than North Americans? And, perhaps most importantly, am I The Guy Who Sucks? We also listen to two versions of "I Wish It Was Christmas Today", one performed by Julian Casablancas and one performed by Cheap Trick! The ranking clip in this episode is from "I Wish It Was Christmas Today" (which I'm just finding out right now is maybe sometimes titled "") as performed by Horatio Sans, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Animal, and Gonzo. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/32174977

Episode 363: Have Yourself a Merry Little Dance Party 06/19/2024

Episode 363: Have Yourself a Merry Little Dance Party We're about to go on our annual summer break, but we wanted to leave you with something to enjoy while we're away! This episode, we've got two Christmas songs that might just be your new hot summer jam. "Make It Jingle" by Big Freedia will have you shaking a number of both literal and metaphorical things, and "Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend" by GWAR is better than that sounds, we swear! Correction: in this episode we accidentally combined two soundtrack credits for "Make It Jingle", the film Office Christmas Party and the game Just Dance 2018. The TV show that the recently evil search engine suggested was probably "Christmas Party", an episode of The Office, which is still not a show, per se, so let's say we're all in the wrong here. The ranking clip in this episode is Big Freedia in Beyonce's "Formation"! That's worded oddly because she's not a "featured" artist for whatever reason! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/31804707

Episode 362: Santa Daddy 06/05/2024

Episode 362: Santa Daddy Ok, yes, we may be burning this title when there are certainly multiple renditions of "Santa Baby" called "Santa Daddy" that we didn't touch in this episode. We're just going to have to call that one "Daddy Christmas" or something. No, rather than casting actual Santa as a metaphorical daddy, this Father's Day episode features songs about actual fathers and not-actual Santa Clauses: "Santa Claus Looks Like My Daddy" by Danny Kaye and "Daddy's Beer" by Dave Gunning. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Santa Claus Looks Like My Daddy"! The ranking music in this episode is "Santa Claus is a Black Man" by Akim and Teddy Vann. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/31609812

Episode 361: Hard Listening 05/22/2024

Episode 361: Hard Listening It's getting to be that time of year! You know, the time of year when it feels completely wild to tell someone that you listen to a year-round winter-holiday music podcast? But don't worry, we've got two listener requests to kick your holiday spirit back into high gear. "Bing Crosby Wrote Festive Christmas Songs" by Angry Snowmans is a cover that puts a right jolly twist on a punk standard. Then the upbeat "I Still Believe in Christmas" by The Fleshtones puts us in the mood for prancing, dancing, dashing, and dondering! (Side note: if you want to know the origins of all of Angry Snowmans' songs, someone did that legwork and on reddit three years ago!) The ranking music in this episode is "Bob Dylan Wrote Propoganda Songs" by The Minutemen. Thank you to Kevin for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/31413552

Episode 360: Aggressively Fine 05/08/2024

Episode 360: Aggressively Fine Since it's almost Victoria Day (or as Canadians call it, "May Long Eh"), we're talking British Christmas music again -- specificially a few popular tunes that never crossed the threshold into Christmas #1s in the UK. "Christmas Lights" by Coldplay is, you know, fine. It's fine! And "You're Christmas to Me" by Sam Ryder? It's FINE. WHATEVER, OK? IT'S FINE. The ranking music in this episode is "Best Friends Squad" by Strong Bad, for reasons that should become obvious. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/31190392

Episode 359: Wage Against the Machine 04/24/2024

Episode 359: Wage Against the Machine To celebrate the upcoming International Workers' Day on May 1st, we've got two Christmas songs about: who else? WORKERS, BABY! Well, technically, they're also about landlords and bosses, but only in the way that Taken is about the guys who kidnapped that lady from Lost. Jeez, has she tried being in something called Exactly Where She's Supposed To Be? Anyway: we listened to "Christmas Eve In the East Side" by Aunt Molly Jackson, followed by "National Living Rage" by... let's go with Siobhain McDonagh and friends for now. The ranking music in this episode is "No Christmas in Kentucky" by Phil Ochs. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30962818

Episode 358: I Have a Little Weed Day 04/10/2024

Episode 358: I Have a Little Weed Day Our annual 4/20 episode is back, and this year? Good songs only!!! You may be surprised to hear that we were still able to find two good weed-themed winter holiday songs, but indeed: "High on Hanukkah" by Micah E. Wood (featuring Ari Pluznik and Seth Kibel) is an enjoyable ode to holiday paranoia, and "Kushmas" by Smino is... well, surely it's about something, but that's sort of beside the point. The ranking music in this episode is "Sleigh", also by Smino (featuring Monte Booker and Masego)! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30760013

Episode 357: Holidays Doth Rule 03/27/2024

Episode 357: Holidays Doth Rule As per tradition (at least from days of yore when we did episodes weekly), we're using the week of Easter to add some more traditional Christmas music to our list. And it just so happens that both of this episode's songs are from the same album, 2012's Holidays Rule! Both songs were also composed by guys named Henry who were better known for other things, which I guess is also kind of a fun coincidence? Calexico's take on King Henry VIII's "Green Grows the Holly" is a breath of fresh air, but Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" as performed by The Civil Wars is just kinda... air. This week's ranking music is "The Holly and the Ivy" performed by Los Campesinos! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30560193

Episode 356: Lots In Translation 03/13/2024

Episode 356: Lots In Translation By request, we're tackling two holiday songs that expand the number of languages and dialects represented in our list. "Jingle Bells" as performed by Béla Fleck and the Flecktones featuring Alash marks the first appearance of Tuvan, and also, of Tuvan throat-singing! And, I don't know, maybe like the thirtieth post-modern banjo performance? And while we've had a good amount of French under our belts and in our ears already, "23 Décembre" by Beau Dommage is our first in the Québécois working-class dialect of Joual. Er, probably? Listen, we got really sidetracked in the middle of this one. The ranking music in this episode is "Fa La La" by Bündock. Thank you to merikus for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30352528

HARK! The Holiday Music Podcast

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