HARK! The Holiday Music Podcast

Your hosts Ian & RJ review and rank every Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, holiday, et cetera song. All of 'em. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.

Episode 373: Mrs. The Snowman 11/20/2024

Episode 373: Mrs. The Snowman With just a few short weeks until the winter holidays hit, Jam and Ian forgo Christmas music to instead ponder some questions posed by the most existential of winter symbols: snowpeople. Instead of reminding us of the inevibility of death, these snow-person songs ask us to ponder why we project our own cultural hegemonic order onto three balls of snow with some sticks in them. That's the theme! Cultural hegemony vis-a-vis snowmen!! First up is "Hanukkah Snowman" by folk-punk artist Phranc, followed by "Snow People" by The Okee Dokee Brothers. Does Jam, for not the first time on the podcast, spend an extraordinary amount of the episode talking about the weird sequel to the Rankin-Bass Frosty the Snowman in which he gets married and also The Bible brings a snowparson to life? Guess, buddy. The ranking music in this episode is "Winter Wonderland" by Earth, Wind & Fire. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/34029482

Episode 372: Birthday Boi's Video Game Pitch Meeting 11/06/2024

Episode 372: Birthday Boi's Video Game Pitch Meeting It's time to celebrate what is surely the most important and impactful event happening this week: Jam's birthday! That means it's BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE time, and they have chosen two songs from our favourite difficult-to-search British electro-pop charity-Christmas-single-producing duo, Christmas Aguilera! Our discussion of "Santa's Car" accidentally turns into a bit of a book report comparing and contrasting to other holiday tunes on similar themes, while our talking points re: "Christmas on Mars" quite intentionally turn to Jam's grand adaptation ideas. Also: we sing a lot in this one! The ranking music in this episode is also "Christmas on Mars" by Christmas Aguilera. It's really good ok!! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33813852

Episode 371: Psychobilly, Qu'est-ce Que C'est? 10/23/2024

Episode 371: Psychobilly, Qu'est-ce Que C'est? It's Halloween and we're taking some EXTRA SPOOKY* requests! Two tracks off of the Psychobilly Christmas compilation album - "Halloween on X-Mas" by The Coffin Caddies and "Silent Night, Deadly Night" by The White Coffin Terror - attempt to inject some frights into the festive, but do they succeed? And isn't there anyone who can tell Ian what psychobilly is all about?? *Spookiness results may vary. Twang not included. The intro sting in this episode is "Main Titles (Beetlejuice)" composed by Danny Elfman, and the ranking music is "Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)" performed by Harry Belafonte. Thank you to Kevin for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33579917

Episode 370: Jesus Died For Our Crocodiles 10/09/2024

Episode 370: Jesus Died For Our Crocodiles Sometimes, when you do a year-round holiday music review podcast for nine years, you pitch a ridiculous idea and you kinda just gotta trust the process. We're celebrating the fact that "Oct" sounds a little bit like "croc" with two crocodile-themed song selections! "Merry Christmas Baby (Please Don't Die)" by Crocodiles and Dum Dum Girls wraps a gloomy sentiment in a cheerful (if somewhat hushed) package, while "The Christmas Crocodile" by The Big Cheese Band seems like a straightforward vehicle to launch a new Santa animal companion, but is actually a clown car full of one surprise after another. The ranking music in this episode is "Crocodile Rock" by Elton John. Stay safe this Croctober, y'all. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33386722

Episode 369: Taking Care of Nonsense 09/25/2024

Episode 369: Taking Care of Nonsense Listen, at the time of this recording, Sabrina Carpenter's album WAS at the top of the charts. She's still near the top! Top-ish! WE REMAIN RELEVANT In this episode, we discuss Sabrina Carpenter's 2022 Christmas track (and soon-to-be basis of a Netflix special, apparently) "A Nonsense Christmas", followed by the circa-2015 "Christmas the Whole Year Round". Join us as we celebrate Carpenter's musical journey, from pop production that projects virginity to the most dick-puns-per-minute song in the podcast's history! The ranking music in this episode is, of course, "Nonsense" by Sabrina Carpenter. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33198532

Episode 368: Lower Twang Quotient 09/11/2024

Episode 368: Lower Twang Quotient It's back to school season and we're back to taking listener requests! That's not really the theme of the episode, but it is true. This week we cover two listener requests for two versions of the same song! First up, we listen to "Nothing But a Child" as performed by Robin and Linda Williams for the Prairie Home Christmas compilation album or audiobook or live broadcast or whatever the case may actually be. Then we visit the original (and much twangier) version by Steve Earle. The ranking music in this episode is "A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill. Thank you to Patricia and Liam for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/33003622

Episode 367: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Syllables 08/28/2024

Episode 367: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Syllables Hey, listen. As I'm writing this, Ian and Jam are both very jetlagged. They don't remember why they thought covering these songs would be fun. It was a nightmare. August Got Run Over By a Reindeer is a nightmare in general. But hopefully, that's fun for you, the listener. In honour of the Election Year (and because we gotta cover these versions of GGROBAR eventually), we listened to "Obama Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by Doc Pearson and "Kamala Got Run 0ver by a Reindeer" by...... (checks notes)..... Bubba Beige? I think that's right. The ranking music in this episode, and all August Got Run Over By a Reindeer (AGROBAR) episodes, is “Everything Sucks” by Reel Big Fish. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/32769592

Episode 366: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Good Kerning 08/14/2024

Episode 366: Our Podcast Got Run Over by Good Kerning Savor with us, won't you, the delectable second year of August Got Run Over By a Reindeer? The second year is the brief stage of a made-up tradition in which we could, if we had better judgment, back out: haha, that sure was a funny joke we made last year, an annual month of Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer related songs! By the third year, we'll be in too deep; listener expectations will force us to continue. And yet, dear listeners, we have not opted to take this last exit. We stay the course. We persist. We drive on, like so many sleighs over so many grandmothers, down this lonesome highway once again. The songs in this episode are, bafflingly, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy and "Grandma's Homemade Christmas Card" by Merle Haggard. It will make sense when you listen, I promise. The ranking music in this episode, and all August Got Run Over By a Reindeer (AGROBAR) episodes, is “Everything Sucks” by Reel Big Fish. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/32569907

Episode 365: Atoning for Our Ska Sins 07/31/2024

Episode 365: Atoning for Our Ska Sins It's been almost a year, and the time has come. In August of 2023, Ian was incorrect about something. More incorrect than we usually are about things on this podcast. And so, we attempt to set things right by giving ska its due. Our ska education starts with Al and the Vibrators' "Merry Christmas", followed by Toots and the Maytals' "Christmas Feeling Ska". The ranking music in this episode is "Polka Face" by Weird Al Yankovic. (For the record, Ian chose this.) /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/32360682

Episode 364: I Wish It Was Birthday Today 07/17/2024

Episode 364: I Wish It Was Birthday Today Ian's birthday has us pondering important questions, including: What does the early 00s sound like? Are British people more excited out of their gourds about Christmas than North Americans? And, perhaps most importantly, am I The Guy Who Sucks? We also listen to two versions of "I Wish It Was Christmas Today", one performed by Julian Casablancas and one performed by Cheap Trick! The ranking clip in this episode is from "I Wish It Was Christmas Today" (which I'm just finding out right now is maybe sometimes titled "") as performed by Horatio Sans, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Animal, and Gonzo. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/32174977

Episode 363: Have Yourself a Merry Little Dance Party 06/19/2024

Episode 363: Have Yourself a Merry Little Dance Party We're about to go on our annual summer break, but we wanted to leave you with something to enjoy while we're away! This episode, we've got two Christmas songs that might just be your new hot summer jam. "Make It Jingle" by Big Freedia will have you shaking a number of both literal and metaphorical things, and "Stripper Christmas Summer Weekend" by GWAR is better than that sounds, we swear! Correction: in this episode we accidentally combined two soundtrack credits for "Make It Jingle", the film Office Christmas Party and the game Just Dance 2018. The TV show that the recently evil search engine suggested was probably "Christmas Party", an episode of The Office, which is still not a show, per se, so let's say we're all in the wrong here. The ranking clip in this episode is Big Freedia in Beyonce's "Formation"! That's worded oddly because she's not a "featured" artist for whatever reason! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/31804707

Episode 362: Santa Daddy 06/05/2024

Episode 362: Santa Daddy Ok, yes, we may be burning this title when there are certainly multiple renditions of "Santa Baby" called "Santa Daddy" that we didn't touch in this episode. We're just going to have to call that one "Daddy Christmas" or something. No, rather than casting actual Santa as a metaphorical daddy, this Father's Day episode features songs about actual fathers and not-actual Santa Clauses: "Santa Claus Looks Like My Daddy" by Danny Kaye and "Daddy's Beer" by Dave Gunning. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Santa Claus Looks Like My Daddy"! The ranking music in this episode is "Santa Claus is a Black Man" by Akim and Teddy Vann. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/31609812

Episode 361: Hard Listening 05/22/2024

Episode 361: Hard Listening It's getting to be that time of year! You know, the time of year when it feels completely wild to tell someone that you listen to a year-round winter-holiday music podcast? But don't worry, we've got two listener requests to kick your holiday spirit back into high gear. "Bing Crosby Wrote Festive Christmas Songs" by Angry Snowmans is a cover that puts a right jolly twist on a punk standard. Then the upbeat "I Still Believe in Christmas" by The Fleshtones puts us in the mood for prancing, dancing, dashing, and dondering! (Side note: if you want to know the origins of all of Angry Snowmans' songs, someone did that legwork and on reddit three years ago!) The ranking music in this episode is "Bob Dylan Wrote Propoganda Songs" by The Minutemen. Thank you to Kevin for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/31413552

Episode 360: Aggressively Fine 05/08/2024

Episode 360: Aggressively Fine Since it's almost Victoria Day (or as Canadians call it, "May Long Eh"), we're talking British Christmas music again -- specificially a few popular tunes that never crossed the threshold into Christmas #1s in the UK. "Christmas Lights" by Coldplay is, you know, fine. It's fine! And "You're Christmas to Me" by Sam Ryder? It's FINE. WHATEVER, OK? IT'S FINE. The ranking music in this episode is "Best Friends Squad" by Strong Bad, for reasons that should become obvious. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/31190392

Episode 359: Wage Against the Machine 04/24/2024

Episode 359: Wage Against the Machine To celebrate the upcoming International Workers' Day on May 1st, we've got two Christmas songs about: who else? WORKERS, BABY! Well, technically, they're also about landlords and bosses, but only in the way that Taken is about the guys who kidnapped that lady from Lost. Jeez, has she tried being in something called Exactly Where She's Supposed To Be? Anyway: we listened to "Christmas Eve In the East Side" by Aunt Molly Jackson, followed by "National Living Rage" by... let's go with Siobhain McDonagh and friends for now. The ranking music in this episode is "No Christmas in Kentucky" by Phil Ochs. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30962818

Episode 358: I Have a Little Weed Day 04/10/2024

Episode 358: I Have a Little Weed Day Our annual 4/20 episode is back, and this year? Good songs only!!! You may be surprised to hear that we were still able to find two good weed-themed winter holiday songs, but indeed: "High on Hanukkah" by Micah E. Wood (featuring Ari Pluznik and Seth Kibel) is an enjoyable ode to holiday paranoia, and "Kushmas" by Smino is... well, surely it's about something, but that's sort of beside the point. The ranking music in this episode is "Sleigh", also by Smino (featuring Monte Booker and Masego)! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30760013

Episode 357: Holidays Doth Rule 03/27/2024

Episode 357: Holidays Doth Rule As per tradition (at least from days of yore when we did episodes weekly), we're using the week of Easter to add some more traditional Christmas music to our list. And it just so happens that both of this episode's songs are from the same album, 2012's Holidays Rule! Both songs were also composed by guys named Henry who were better known for other things, which I guess is also kind of a fun coincidence? Calexico's take on King Henry VIII's "Green Grows the Holly" is a breath of fresh air, but Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" as performed by The Civil Wars is just kinda... air. This week's ranking music is "The Holly and the Ivy" performed by Los Campesinos! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30560193

Episode 356: Lots In Translation 03/13/2024

Episode 356: Lots In Translation By request, we're tackling two holiday songs that expand the number of languages and dialects represented in our list. "Jingle Bells" as performed by Béla Fleck and the Flecktones featuring Alash marks the first appearance of Tuvan, and also, of Tuvan throat-singing! And, I don't know, maybe like the thirtieth post-modern banjo performance? And while we've had a good amount of French under our belts and in our ears already, "23 Décembre" by Beau Dommage is our first in the Québécois working-class dialect of Joual. Er, probably? Listen, we got really sidetracked in the middle of this one. The ranking music in this episode is "Fa La La" by Bündock. Thank you to merikus for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30352528

Episode 355: Ten Lords a Leap Year 02/28/2024

Episode 355: Ten Lords a Leap Year To celebrate the Leap Year, we're leaping into two versions of The 12 Days of Christmas! Kind of!!! Neither "12 Days of Christmas" by Gucci Mane or "The Twelve Days of Christmas" by The Popguns use the traditional lyrics or structure of the song, but hey, we can consider that an improvement. The ranking music in this episode is "8 Days of Christmas" by Destiny's Child. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30146678

Episode 354: A Special Kind of Horny 02/14/2024

Episode 354: A Special Kind of Horny It's Valentine's Day, one of the horniest holidays on the calendar, and we're celebrating with two songs from the 1950s that illustrate an uncomfortable truth: people have always been nasty little freaks about Christmas. In the case of "Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney" by Ella Fitzgerald, it's entirely listener interpreation that takes this song from silly to risqué. In "Trim Your Tree" by Jimmy Butler, however -- maybe you wouldn't call the lyrics explicit, but they are definitely intentional. The ranking music in this episode is "Molasses Molasses (It's Icky Sticky Goo)" by Ella Fitzgerald! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29948423

Episode 353: The Super Bowl Sneak 01/31/2024

Episode 353: The Super Bowl Sneak Gosh, the Super Bowl seems to come earlier and earlier every year, doesn't it? Football music starts getting played the radio, kids start lining up at the mall to sit on Bill Belichick's lap. Hmm? What's that? Ok, I'm getting word that it's actually the opposite, that the super bowl comes later now. And the other things I said have never happened? Apparently? No child has ever desired to approach Bill Belichick? And "football music" isn't anything? Well, we beg to differ (with the last thing specifically)!!! We listen to "Merry Christmas in the NFL" by Willis the Guard and Vigorish, and like, woof. That's followed by "Santa's Night" by the Philly Specials featuring Jason Kelce, which is akin to a refreshing Gatorade shower after that first one. The ranking music in this episode is "Heavy Action" by Johnny Pearson (the original Monday Night Football anthem, which, fun fact, has a title that rules). /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29728058

Episode 352: Upstanding Podcast Citizens 01/17/2024

Episode 352: Upstanding Podcast Citizens It's podcasts all the way down! By listener request, we're discussing "Don't Wait For Me Beneath the Mistletoe" by The Allusionettes. The band -- comprised of Jenny Owen Youngs, Martin Austwick, and podcast host Helen Zaltzman -- was formed for an of The Allusionist podcast about creating a 2020-appropriate holiday hit. We pair that with another Jenny Owen Youngs holiday tune, "Maybe Next Year", which definitely came out in 2019 and not 2020! We got this wrong and there was absolutely no way we could have fact checked it while recording! Jam had a headache and Ian was trapped under a cat!! Please, we're sorry, we're upstanding podcast citizens!!! The ranking music in this episode is "Fuck Was I" by Jenny Owen Youngs. Thank you to Matthew for requesting "Don't Wait For Me Beneath the Mistletoe"! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29523738

Episode 351: Grinch Rap Granuary 01/03/2024

Episode 351: Grinch Rap Granuary To kick off our tenth year of HARK, we're writing the first page of what will surely be many chapters exploring the question of our time: why are there so many hip hop songs about the Grinch? "I Am The Grinch" by Tyler the Creator is a pleasant but not very illuminating entry in Grinch Rap subgenre, while "The Grinch" by Bad Lucc gives us a little more to speculate on, but is, you know, no "Landy in My Eggnog". The ranking music for this episode is "Grinch 2000" by Busta Rhymes featuring Jim Carrey, and the intro/outro music sting is "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" by Thurl Ravenscroft. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29320633

Episode 350: Lawrence the Network Technician 12/20/2023

Episode 350: Lawrence the Network Technician It's finally here: our 2023 milestone episode! When looking for a candidate for all-time greatest Christmas songs, Jam attempted to laser-focus their pick to Ian's taste. When looking for the worst of the worst, the song Ian selected has more of scattershot strategy. The ranking music in this episode is "Christmas Unicorn" by Sufjan Stevens. As mentioned in this episode, we were recently quoted in an article about Christmas music! You can read it here: /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29162063

Episode 349: Fresh Cut Holiday Songs 12/06/2023

Episode 349: Fresh Cut Holiday Songs The 2023 holiday season has arrived! We're celebrating with some brand new holiday songs. Since Hanukkah begins this week, we begin with the delightfuly catchy "Just A Little Hanukkah" by Oliver Richman featuring Jessica Toltzis and Nathan Brewer. Then we consider the new Christmas release by Wheatus (remember Wheatus?), titled "Christmas Dirtbag" (now you probably remember Wheatus). The ranking music in this episode is "Hanukkah" by The Manischefits. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28961378

Episode 348: Edgy Pants 11/22/2023

Episode 348: Edgy Pants Season's Eatings! This very food-centric episode kicks off with a listener request. While he's perhaps best known to Christmas nerds for his work in White Christmas, we totally ignore that while discussing Danny Kaye's "Eat Eat Eat" and instead try to discern how light-hearted this holiday patter song actually is. We follow up this deceptively complex piece with a song so utterly devoid of deeper meaning that Carrie Underwood literally titled it "Stretchy Pants". The ranking music in this episode is "8 Days of Latkes" by Ben Schwartz. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Eat Eat Eat"! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28753623

Episode 347: There's Nothing Funny About Weezer 11/08/2023

Episode 347: There's Nothing Funny About Weezer Jam's birthday is here again, and that means it's BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE TIME!! And this year, they've chosen chaos. Covering two Weezer songs ("The Christmas Song" and "The Deep and Dreamless Sleep") might seem like a fairly conventional and orderly episode concept, but this thing got away from us pretty much as soon as it began. In the words of Nietzsche, "...when you gaze long into the [Weezer], the [Rivers Cuomo] gazes also into you." The ranking music in this episode is "I Want a Dog" by Weezer, and I have to tell you that it does unfortunately absolutely slap. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28552058

Episode 346: A Country-Twanged Clusterfuck 10/25/2023

Episode 346: A Country-Twanged Clusterfuck Halloween approaches, and as is tradition, we're covering two Christmas tunes with a Halloween-y kick! The first is "Hell of a Holiday" by the Pistol Annies, which offers a mish-mash of Halloween and (select) winter holiday flavors, as well as some intriguing questions about what spells their respective cleric domains would have. Then it's "Flappie", a dark Christmas tune beloved in the Netherlands, hauntingly performed in English by Todd Rundgren. Oath of Miranda Lambert paladins would not approve. The intro music in this episode is the theme from "Goosebumps", composed by Jack Lenz. The ranking music is "It's Halloween (A Christmas Song)" by Randy Brooks. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28417412

Episode 345: Very Much Another Christmas Song 10/11/2023

Episode 345: Very Much Another Christmas Song Here in the brief window between August Got Run Over By a Reindeer and Halloween, we're taking a minute to get to some listener requests! "Not Another Christmas Song" by Blink-182 is more or less what you'd expect, except maybe for the fact that it was released in 2019. In contrast, we weren't sure what to expect from "Thank God It's Not Christmas" by Sparks, but it still managed to surprise us. The ranking music in this episode is "Nothing Better" by The dang Postal Service! Thank you to Andy for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28284320

Episode 344: Jingle Horse 6: Jingle Horse with No Name 09/27/2023

Episode 344: Jingle Horse 6: Jingle Horse with No Name World Animal Day approaches (probably), and we are celebrating (kind of) with two festive songs about animal companions! "Santa Claus Rides a Strawberry Roan" by Jim Lowe is unfortunately less about celebrating its titular animal companion and more about shit-talking reindeer. "Jingles the Christmas Cat" by Freddy Cole doesn't give us much more in terms of lore, but dang, does it go down smooth. The ranking music in this episode is, of course, "A Horse with No Name" by America. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Santa Claus Rides a Strawberry Roan"! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28155059

HARK! The Holiday Music Podcast

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