HARK! The Holiday Music Podcast

Your hosts Ian & RJ review and rank every Christmas, Hanukkah, winter, holiday, et cetera song. All of 'em. Even the bad ones. Especially the bad ones.

Episode 358: I Have a Little Weed Day 04/10/2024

Episode 358: I Have a Little Weed Day Our annual 4/20 episode is back, and this year? Good songs only!!! You may be surprised to hear that we were still able to find two good weed-themed winter holiday songs, but indeed: "High on Hanukkah" by Micah E. Wood (featuring Ari Pluznik and Seth Kibel) is an enjoyable ode to holiday paranoia, and "Kushmas" by Smino is... well, surely it's about something, but that's sort of beside the point. The ranking music in this episode is "Sleigh", also by Smino (featuring Monte Booker and Masego)! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30760013

Episode 357: Holidays Doth Rule 03/27/2024

Episode 357: Holidays Doth Rule As per tradition (at least from days of yore when we did episodes weekly), we're using the week of Easter to add some more traditional Christmas music to our list. And it just so happens that both of this episode's songs are from the same album, 2012's Holidays Rule! Both songs were also composed by guys named Henry who were better known for other things, which I guess is also kind of a fun coincidence? Calexico's take on King Henry VIII's "Green Grows the Holly" is a breath of fresh air, but Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" as performed by The Civil Wars is just kinda... air. This week's ranking music is "The Holly and the Ivy" performed by Los Campesinos! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30560193

Episode 356: Lots In Translation 03/13/2024

Episode 356: Lots In Translation By request, we're tackling two holiday songs that expand the number of languages and dialects represented in our list. "Jingle Bells" as performed by Béla Fleck and the Flecktones featuring Alash marks the first appearance of Tuvan, and also, of Tuvan throat-singing! And, I don't know, maybe like the thirtieth post-modern banjo performance? And while we've had a good amount of French under our belts and in our ears already, "23 Décembre" by Beau Dommage is our first in the Québécois working-class dialect of Joual. Er, probably? Listen, we got really sidetracked in the middle of this one. The ranking music in this episode is "Fa La La" by Bündock. Thank you to merikus for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30352528

Episode 355: Ten Lords a Leap Year 02/28/2024

Episode 355: Ten Lords a Leap Year To celebrate the Leap Year, we're leaping into two versions of The 12 Days of Christmas! Kind of!!! Neither "12 Days of Christmas" by Gucci Mane or "The Twelve Days of Christmas" by The Popguns use the traditional lyrics or structure of the song, but hey, we can consider that an improvement. The ranking music in this episode is "8 Days of Christmas" by Destiny's Child. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/30146678

Episode 354: A Special Kind of Horny 02/14/2024

Episode 354: A Special Kind of Horny It's Valentine's Day, one of the horniest holidays on the calendar, and we're celebrating with two songs from the 1950s that illustrate an uncomfortable truth: people have always been nasty little freaks about Christmas. In the case of "Santa Claus Got Stuck in My Chimney" by Ella Fitzgerald, it's entirely listener interpreation that takes this song from silly to risqué. In "Trim Your Tree" by Jimmy Butler, however -- maybe you wouldn't call the lyrics explicit, but they are definitely intentional. The ranking music in this episode is "Molasses Molasses (It's Icky Sticky Goo)" by Ella Fitzgerald! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29948423

Episode 353: The Super Bowl Sneak 01/31/2024

Episode 353: The Super Bowl Sneak Gosh, the Super Bowl seems to come earlier and earlier every year, doesn't it? Football music starts getting played the radio, kids start lining up at the mall to sit on Bill Belichick's lap. Hmm? What's that? Ok, I'm getting word that it's actually the opposite, that the super bowl comes later now. And the other things I said have never happened? Apparently? No child has ever desired to approach Bill Belichick? And "football music" isn't anything? Well, we beg to differ (with the last thing specifically)!!! We listen to "Merry Christmas in the NFL" by Willis the Guard and Vigorish, and like, woof. That's followed by "Santa's Night" by the Philly Specials featuring Jason Kelce, which is akin to a refreshing Gatorade shower after that first one. The ranking music in this episode is "Heavy Action" by Johnny Pearson (the original Monday Night Football anthem, which, fun fact, has a title that rules). /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29728058

Episode 352: Upstanding Podcast Citizens 01/17/2024

Episode 352: Upstanding Podcast Citizens It's podcasts all the way down! By listener request, we're discussing "Don't Wait For Me Beneath the Mistletoe" by The Allusionettes. The band -- comprised of Jenny Owen Youngs, Martin Austwick, and podcast host Helen Zaltzman -- was formed for an of The Allusionist podcast about creating a 2020-appropriate holiday hit. We pair that with another Jenny Owen Youngs holiday tune, "Maybe Next Year", which definitely came out in 2019 and not 2020! We got this wrong and there was absolutely no way we could have fact checked it while recording! Jam had a headache and Ian was trapped under a cat!! Please, we're sorry, we're upstanding podcast citizens!!! The ranking music in this episode is "Fuck Was I" by Jenny Owen Youngs. Thank you to Matthew for requesting "Don't Wait For Me Beneath the Mistletoe"! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29523738

Episode 351: Grinch Rap Granuary 01/03/2024

Episode 351: Grinch Rap Granuary To kick off our tenth year of HARK, we're writing the first page of what will surely be many chapters exploring the question of our time: why are there so many hip hop songs about the Grinch? "I Am The Grinch" by Tyler the Creator is a pleasant but not very illuminating entry in Grinch Rap subgenre, while "The Grinch" by Bad Lucc gives us a little more to speculate on, but is, you know, no "Landy in My Eggnog". The ranking music for this episode is "Grinch 2000" by Busta Rhymes featuring Jim Carrey, and the intro/outro music sting is "You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch" by Thurl Ravenscroft. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29320633

Episode 350: Lawrence the Network Technician 12/20/2023

Episode 350: Lawrence the Network Technician It's finally here: our 2023 milestone episode! When looking for a candidate for all-time greatest Christmas songs, Jam attempted to laser-focus their pick to Ian's taste. When looking for the worst of the worst, the song Ian selected has more of scattershot strategy. The ranking music in this episode is "Christmas Unicorn" by Sufjan Stevens. As mentioned in this episode, we were recently quoted in an article about Christmas music! You can read it here: /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/29162063

Episode 349: Fresh Cut Holiday Songs 12/06/2023

Episode 349: Fresh Cut Holiday Songs The 2023 holiday season has arrived! We're celebrating with some brand new holiday songs. Since Hanukkah begins this week, we begin with the delightfuly catchy "Just A Little Hanukkah" by Oliver Richman featuring Jessica Toltzis and Nathan Brewer. Then we consider the new Christmas release by Wheatus (remember Wheatus?), titled "Christmas Dirtbag" (now you probably remember Wheatus). The ranking music in this episode is "Hanukkah" by The Manischefits. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28961378

Episode 348: Edgy Pants 11/22/2023

Episode 348: Edgy Pants Season's Eatings! This very food-centric episode kicks off with a listener request. While he's perhaps best known to Christmas nerds for his work in White Christmas, we totally ignore that while discussing Danny Kaye's "Eat Eat Eat" and instead try to discern how light-hearted this holiday patter song actually is. We follow up this deceptively complex piece with a song so utterly devoid of deeper meaning that Carrie Underwood literally titled it "Stretchy Pants". The ranking music in this episode is "8 Days of Latkes" by Ben Schwartz. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Eat Eat Eat"! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28753623

Episode 347: There's Nothing Funny About Weezer 11/08/2023

Episode 347: There's Nothing Funny About Weezer Jam's birthday is here again, and that means it's BIRTHDAY BOI'S CHOICE TIME!! And this year, they've chosen chaos. Covering two Weezer songs ("The Christmas Song" and "The Deep and Dreamless Sleep") might seem like a fairly conventional and orderly episode concept, but this thing got away from us pretty much as soon as it began. In the words of Nietzsche, "...when you gaze long into the [Weezer], the [Rivers Cuomo] gazes also into you." The ranking music in this episode is "I Want a Dog" by Weezer, and I have to tell you that it does unfortunately absolutely slap. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28552058

Episode 346: A Country-Twanged Clusterfuck 10/25/2023

Episode 346: A Country-Twanged Clusterfuck Halloween approaches, and as is tradition, we're covering two Christmas tunes with a Halloween-y kick! The first is "Hell of a Holiday" by the Pistol Annies, which offers a mish-mash of Halloween and (select) winter holiday flavors, as well as some intriguing questions about what spells their respective cleric domains would have. Then it's "Flappie", a dark Christmas tune beloved in the Netherlands, hauntingly performed in English by Todd Rundgren. Oath of Miranda Lambert paladins would not approve. The intro music in this episode is the theme from "Goosebumps", composed by Jack Lenz. The ranking music is "It's Halloween (A Christmas Song)" by Randy Brooks. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28417412

Episode 345: Very Much Another Christmas Song 10/11/2023

Episode 345: Very Much Another Christmas Song Here in the brief window between August Got Run Over By a Reindeer and Halloween, we're taking a minute to get to some listener requests! "Not Another Christmas Song" by Blink-182 is more or less what you'd expect, except maybe for the fact that it was released in 2019. In contrast, we weren't sure what to expect from "Thank God It's Not Christmas" by Sparks, but it still managed to surprise us. The ranking music in this episode is "Nothing Better" by The dang Postal Service! Thank you to Andy for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28284320

Episode 344: Jingle Horse 6: Jingle Horse with No Name 09/27/2023

Episode 344: Jingle Horse 6: Jingle Horse with No Name World Animal Day approaches (probably), and we are celebrating (kind of) with two festive songs about animal companions! "Santa Claus Rides a Strawberry Roan" by Jim Lowe is unfortunately less about celebrating its titular animal companion and more about shit-talking reindeer. "Jingles the Christmas Cat" by Freddy Cole doesn't give us much more in terms of lore, but dang, does it go down smooth. The ranking music in this episode is, of course, "A Horse with No Name" by America. Thank you to Myles for requesting "Santa Claus Rides a Strawberry Roan"! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28155059

Episode 343: An Inexplicably Good Time 09/13/2023

Episode 343: An Inexplicably Good Time Since the High Holidays are just around the corner, we're listening to two songs celebrating their winter-time relative, Hanukkah! By request, we hear "The Night of the Dreidel" by Craig Carothers, a song with an epic-sounding title that tells a smaller, sweeter story about a drama-free holiday. But don't worry, "The Chanukah Song (We Are Lights)" performed by Jane Olivor has plenty of dramatic flair. Also: we got an email! The ranking music in this episode is "Eight Candles (A Song for Hanukkah)" by Dave Koz. Thank you to Jo for requesting "The Night of the Dreidel"! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/28018305

Episode 342: Our Podcast Got Run Over By GGROBAR 08/30/2023

Episode 342: Our Podcast Got Run Over By GGROBAR It's been a long month, and we're closing it out by going back to the beginning. Randy Brooks's own version of "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" joins our list, as does his own parody of his own novelty hit, "Grandma Got Run Over by Corona". The bar is low and he's just gotta clear it to get us to the end of this freaking month!! The ranking music in this, and all August Got Run Over By a Reindeer (AGROBAR) episodes, is "Everything Sucks" by Reel Big Fish, and you can't take that away from us. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/27888903

Episode 341: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Regional Accents 08/16/2023

Episode 341: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Regional Accents It's the second installment of our inexplicable self-inflected psychological experiment, August Got Run Over By a Reindeer! Our theme for these started out as "grandparents being run over by other, non-sleigh vehicles", but we discovered a variety of common threads. "Grandpa Got Runned Over By a John Deere" by Cledus T. Judd and "Grandpa Got Run Over By a Beer Truck" by Da Yoopers both turn the tables on grandpa, and also, they're both bad! Our ranking music is... well, you'll understand. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/27767031

Episode 340: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Some Ska-Punk 08/02/2023

Episode 340: Our Podcast Got Run Over By Some Ska-Punk Well, it's come to this. Welcome to our first installment of "August Got Run Over By a Reindeer", a month-long "celebration" of the many, many mutations of Elmo and Patsy's 1979 novelty hit, "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer". We ease our way in with two covers recorded by some familiar, nostalgic musical acts - Less Than Jake and Reel Big Fish. This week's ranking music is "Everything Sucks" by Reel Big Fish! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/27632079

Episode 339: Birthday Boy's Big Band Christmas 07/19/2023

Episode 339: Birthday Boy's Big Band Christmas It's Ian's birthday (soon)! So he's running the dang podcast!!! For his Birthday Boy's Choice picks, he lands on two classic-adjacent tunes from years not yet covered on the show. "Happy Holidays" by Bing Crosby (with the Music Maid and Hal and John Scott Trotter and His Orchestra) seems like a commercial for hotels masquerading as a Christmas song, but it's actually a stealth New Year's song masquerading as musical theatre masquerading as a Christmas song. "Winter Weather" by Benny Goodman (with vocals by Peggy Lee and Art Lund) is a refreshing clarinet-heavy palate cleanser. The ranking music in this episode is the medley from history's greatest film, Muppet Family Christmas. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/27505674

Episode 338: Is the Jam Jar Half Empty or Half Full? 07/05/2023

Episode 338: Is the Jam Jar Half Empty or Half Full? We're back on our bullshit! Our bullshit being "dicussing listener requests". We take a look at two songs with a surprising amount in common - "Lonely Christmas" by WALLIS and "Alien Christmas" by Tay Zonday. Both are 2020 Christmas songs by artists who got their start by going viral on youtube - and both beg the question, "ok but is this good actually?" The ranking music in this episode is "Chocolate Rain" by Tay Zonday. Thank you to our #1 Fan TimeMachine for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/27369966

Episode 337: The Bluegrass is Greener 06/07/2023

Episode 337: The Bluegrass is Greener We're going to be taking our next scheduled episode off because we're doing some traveling this month. To help prepare us for our trip to the U.S., we're taking two requests for some good old fashioned American country music. "Christmas Time's A-Comin'" by Emmylou Harris is a song from a country tradition we enjoy, namely bluegrass. "364 Days to Go" by Brad Paisley is ... Well, it's definitely better than his other entry on our list. This week's ranking music is "Christmas Time's A-Comin'" as performed by Bill Monroe. Thank you to James for the requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/27071619

Episode 336: Santa Thanks 05/24/2023

Episode 336: Santa Thanks This week on HARK, we've got two songs with the same title and very different stakes. By request, we cover "Santa Please" by Bill Medley, a tale of alcoholism, regret and reconciliation at Christmas that leaves us troubled. Then, we discuss "Santa Please" by Toni Braxton, which is basically just four minutes of the singer sexily asking to speak to the manager about travel logistics. The manager is Santa Claus. The ranking music in this episode is "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas" as performed by The Decemberists. Thank you to Misty for requesting the Bill Medley song! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/26939070

Episode 335: Backup Episode 05/10/2023

Episode 335: Backup Episode Sometimes we take requests, and sometimes we take a while to cover those requests. And sometimes, sometimes, someone who's waiting to hear us cover their request sends us back-up requests in case their first requests were not holidays-ish enough. Thus, sometimes -- specifically this time -- Ian uncerimoniously schedules those backup requests for an episode several years later even though one of them is about a incredibly sad real-world tragedy. Soooo, we're talking about "Christmas Eve Blues" by Blind Lemon Jefferson and "1913 Massacre" by Woody Guthrie. The ranking music for this episode is "Solidarity Forever" as performed by The Mountain Goats. Thank you to Myles for these (backup) requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/26797059

Episode 334: James Bluntmas 04/26/2023

Episode 334: James Bluntmas Listen. When the universe gives us two songs titled "Feeling Like a Right James Blunt at Christmas" (by Death of Guitar Pop featuring James Buckley) and "Merry Christmas James Blunt" (by Wash Your Dirty Money With My Art featuring Martin Meincke), what are we supposed to do, NOT theme an episode around it? The ranking music in this episode is, I mean, exactly what you'd expect. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/26658153

Episode 333: Joy to the Weed 04/12/2023

Episode 333: Joy to the Weed It's that time of year again, baby! Blaze it up with us (figuratively) as we discuss two weed-related Christmas songs, "Green Christmas" by Snoop Dogg featuring Jenn Em, and "Merry Christmas Mary Jane" by Katie Pruitt. The ranking music in this episode is "Roll Me Up" by Willie Nelson featuring Jamey Johnson, Kris Kristofferson, and of course, Snoop Dogg. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/26517228

Episode 332: Sting, Stang, Stung 03/29/2023

Episode 332: Sting, Stang, Stung Easter and Passover are fast approaching, so as is HARK tradition, we listen to two more traditional, religious songs - one for Christmas, and one for Hanukkah. Except this year, we kind of blew it? You could call these songs religious, and they're both of a tradition, but we're going more folk festival than liturgical this year. "I Saw Three Ships" as performed by Sting offers us some whimsy from his weird phase (~1990-Present). Then, marking the second recontextualized Leonard Cohen song on our list (and thankfully, this time for Hanukkah), HAIM delivers a beautiful, haunting rendition of "If It Be Your Will". The ranking music in this episode is "Sad Trombone" by Sting and Shaggy. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/26375079

Episode 331: A Large Pile of Spaghetti 03/15/2023

Episode 331: A Large Pile of Spaghetti By request, we're taking our first look at the Christmas tunes of music legend Neil Diamond! "You Make It Feel Like Christmas" is nothing if not very, very Neil, while his rendition of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" is a dozen other things he was apparently trying out. The ranking music in this episode is (what else) "Sweet Caroline" by Neil Diamond. Thank you to Nearly Nearly Neil for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/26235270

Episode 330: Fucking Pie 03/01/2023

Episode 330: Fucking Pie Just in time for Pi Day, we're covering two versions of the greatest Christmas song ever written about having some FUCKING PIE!!! The ranking music in this episode is "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" by Brenda Lee. /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/26089842

Episode 329: The Squeakquel 02/15/2023

Episode 329: The Squeakquel By listener request, we've got two covers of cartoon-related Christmas classics! "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)" as performed by JP Maurice says a polite no-thank-you to skits, while Khruangbin's version of "Christmastime is Here" is a whole vibe. The ranking music in this episode is "Skating" by the Vince Guaraldi Trio. Thank you to Dave and Dan for these requests! /episode/index/show/harkpod/id/25936554

HARK! The Holiday Music Podcast

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