The Parenting Junkie Show

Hi, I’m Avital. (pronounced Ah-Vee-Tal) I’m a mindful parenting coach, childhood designer, and mother. My work is dedicated to empowering intentional, imperfect parents (like you and me!) who face chaos, clutter, and conflict, through online tools to reclaim peace, presence and play for your family.

TPJ 52: From Plotting Your Escape To Power Couple 01/27/2020

TPJ 52: From Plotting Your Escape To Power Couple How would you rate your relationship with your partner? Is it everything you dreamed of having? Or are you planning your escape? Whether you’re miserable or fairly satisfied with your partnership, I’m here to tell you that it’s possible to have the relationship you’ve always wanted, EVEN if you’re ready to throw in the towel. In this episode we’re going to discuss the 5 rungs of the “Partnership Ladder”, how you can assess where you’re at in 3 key areas of your relationship, and the mindset shift that needs to occur in order to climb the ladder. [05:16] Divorce/breaking up can often be avoided with intentional work on our part. [08:07] Let's switch from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset regarding our relationship. [13:29] Key area number 1: Teamwork. [15:11] Key area number 2: Parenting styles. [16:56] Key area number 3: Connection. [18:09] The 5-step “Partnership Ladder.” [18:50] Rung 1: It's miserable. [21:28] Rung 2: It's stressful. [22:21] Rung 3: It's manageable. [24:49] Rung 4: It's satisfying. [26:22] Rung 5: It's blissful. [32:54] The places where we have the least amount of energy and capacity are often the places that need it most. [33:26] Our partnership influences every other area of our lives (for better or worse). [36:53] Life isn't a fairytale. It won't end happily ever after by chance. It's takes work! But it is possible. It’s important to assess where we are in each key area, and commit to getting to the next rung in at least 1 key area. If you adopt a growth mindset and put in the work, you’ll be well on your way to having the relationship you’ve always wanted! If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Resources: My new eBook, The Ten Zen Secrets Of Persuasion. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/52 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12875393

TPJ 51: Potent, Free, and Available to All 01/20/2020

TPJ 51: Potent, Free, and Available to All Would you like to know one thing you can do today to radically change your relationship with your partner? Do you want to take your relationship to the next level? Instead of just treating symptoms and avoiding pain, can you work on improving your relationship into “peak performance” and make it the best it can be? And is it worth that level of effort? Yes and yes! In this episode we’ll discuss how we hold the power to make this kind of change in our relationships, and the choice is ours. [06:46] What I learned from HypnoBirthing (and how it can improve our relationships). [11:39] We get to choose the story we tell ourselves, good or bad. [15:54] This is a key way to create power in our relationships [17:01] What words are you currently using to describe your partner? [18:09] Speaking poorly of others is very damaging. [19:16] Before we speak, ask ourselves these questions. [20:07] The power of not gossiping. [21:35] If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it behind their back. [24:36] Drop the negative labels and words we use for our partner and relationship. [25:57] Use "I" statements. [27:09] Refrain from using hyperboles (exaggerations). We hold the power. We can choose to flip the switch, to focus on the positive instead of the negative. We can change the words we speak over our relationships, and in the process, change those relationships. The choice is ours! If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Resources: Our course Parent In Love Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/51 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12750371

TPJ 50: Do You Want Your Parent’s Marriage? 01/13/2020

TPJ 50: Do You Want Your Parent’s Marriage? We’ve all inherited a blueprint for relationships from our parents, whether we’ve acknowledged it or not. And unless we examine it further, we’re destined to have the same relationship as our parents. Some of us may have been blessed with a great model for how to properly treat others, communicate, and resolve conflicts. But many were not so blessed, and even if you were, there are likely things about your parent’s relationship that you would do differently. In this episode we’re going to discuss the process of examining our parent’s relationship and how we can create the relationship and family we’ve always wanted (plus set up our kids for relational success!). [02:52] Ask yourself: Do I want my parent's relationship? [04:48] Our parent's relationship formed a sub-conscious blueprint for our own relationships. [07:07] If we don't address it, we're likely to repeat it. [08:35] Or we reject it completely and try to do the exact opposite. [11:08] Our kids learn how to interact with others from the way they see us interact with our partner. [15:26] Pick the best from our parent's marriage, and find alternatives for the rest. [17:57] Look at your parent's marriage with an external, objective viewpoint. [19:46] Envision the relationship and family you want to create. [22:27] Develop the skills necessary to make our dream a reality and start making small changes to our thoughts, words, and actions. We owe it to ourselves and our children (and their children!) to put in the work to create the marriage and family of our dreams. There will be a cascading effect that will change generations. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Resources: Our course, Parent In Love Episode 14 (You are your kid’s curriculum) Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/50 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12677864

TPJ 49: You Get To Choose 01/06/2020

TPJ 49: You Get To Choose Do you or have you ever felt stuck in your marriage or serious relationship? Are you caught up in the day-to-day activities, wondering where the passion and excitement went? If so, you’re not alone. But it doesn’t have to stay that way! It’s up to us to choose what we want and make it happen. [02:32] So many marriages and relationships around us are failing. [03:57] Even those that don't end in divorce seem to be full of conflict or complacency. [05:38] If you're feeling stuck or stagnant in your relationship, you're not alone. And there's something you can do about it. [06:53] Most of our relationships are limited only by our imagination. [08:31] Some conflict is natural and expected. But how we handle it makes all the difference. [09:26] When you argue for your limits, you get to keep them. [10:04] You cannot solve a problem from the same level at which it was created. [10:40] Don't fall into the Disney Princess trap. Wake up! [12:12] We get to create the relationship and family that we want. [14:24] Don't let resistance or limiting beliefs prevent you from creating the relationship of your dreams. [17:30] Our marriage could become the greatest source of healing and meaning in our lives. It takes a lot of effort...but we've already put in tremendous effort to organize as a family. Why not put in the next level of effort and make it great? If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/49 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12537503

TPJ 48: Holiday Round-up 12/16/2019

TPJ 48: Holiday Round-up Should you tell your kids the truth about Santa or the tooth fairy? How about the “Elf On The Shelf”? I get asked questions about these and other traditions on a regular basis, and I thought I would round up some of my favorite conversations regarding these in this special holiday episode. [3:03] Some TPJ updates! [11:06] Should we tell our kids the truth about Santa? [11:59] I feel strongly that everything I tell my kids should be 100% the truth. [13:18] You don't have to bring it up, but if they ask, be honest. [13:41] Soon your kids may ask you about serious matters, and they should not have any doubt that you're being honest with them. [15:08] Don't avoid the game or ritual; but consider being 100% honest about it if your children ask if it's real. [16:58] My thoughts on the “Elf On The Shelf” tradition. [19:27] When children melt down, it's because there's an unmet need or our expectation isn't developmentally appropriate. [22:44] Our role isn't to manipulate our children into good behavior. [23:30] This actually teaches them to only behave when they're being watched, and doesn’t teach them empathy. [27:03] How you can make it fun without the manipulation. [29:56] A letter to our families. [30:02] We may not like or approve of everything our family does, and they may not agree with the way we do things (or don't do things). [30:40] Let's reframe; they often do the things they do or say the things they say because they care about us! [31:02] Let's try to model what it looks like to be loving and accepting, even when people disagree with us. [31:28] We shouldn't let little annoyances come between us and the people we love (and who love us). [31:55] Let's focus on the gift of spending time together. When you approach these issues with the mindset of a conscious and peaceful parent, you’ll find ways to enjoy the holidays and their traditions without the sometimes negative and harmful effects they may otherwise bring. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Should You Tell the TRUTH about Santa? STOP! Elf on a Shelf Dear Family, A Letter For The Holidays Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/48 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12393209

TPJ 47: Interview with Rachel Rainbolt (Sage Parenting) 12/09/2019

TPJ 47: Interview with Rachel Rainbolt (Sage Parenting) In this episode you’ll get to listen in on a conversation I had with Rachel Rainbolt from Sage Parenting. Rachel is a coach, writer, podcaster, and advocate of all things gentle parenting, natural homeschooling, and simple living. We know you’ll get a lot out of this conversation with two mommas who don’t always get it right, who sometimes lose their cools or get overwhelmed, but always try to do what’s best for their ever-changing children and families. [4:13] Find the overlap between your child’s needs and your concerns and collaborate with them to find a solution that addresses both. [5:02] Example of overlap. [6:30] “It feels really great to treat children like actual human beings, deserving of respect, and honoring our own needs and feelings in the process.” [6:59] Some mistakenly believe this only works for older kids. [8:18] Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations or have this “template” we try to use. We need to keep our expectations aligned with each unique, individual child. [10:48] Have grace for yourself...we're not all born as great parents. It takes effort and work. [11:23] Narrate out loud what's going through your head. [11:36] We all lose it sometimes. Model what it looks like to ask forgiveness and make repairs. [13:55] Get yourself out of that fight, flight, or freeze response so you can think and respond instead of reacting. [14:48] Rachel’s approach to homeschooling. [16:17] Started out in public school, but it didn't feel right. [18:27] This is how children naturally learn and develop. [22:16] When you hold space for your child's preferences & desires, they'll do the same for you. [25:09] Some parents need a little more structure around their child's education, and that's ok. Find a balance. [26:52] Relax on the timelines of what they're supposed to learn. don't need to push things so early. [31:30] Rachel’s approach with screens at home. [32:52] Don't fear technology. Screens are like a tool or part of the environment. [37:38] We're all unique, and you have to do what works best for your family. [40:59] What is the bucket system? [45:02] Rachel’s approach to minimalism and simple living. [45:32] We all need to simplify our lives to give us space to work on the things that are most meaningful. [47:28] Involve your children in conversations about finances. [50:13] You can bring your kids into money conversations without adding the burdensome or stressful elements of your financial situation. [53:39] Many necessary life skills aren't learned in school. [58:17] Keep a list of things that each child wants. As holidays or birthdays approach, revisit the list and ask if there’s anything they no longer want. [58:43] Give things away to other families/children and allow your children to see the positive effect it has on that family. If you make it a priority to discover and honor your child's preferences & desires, you’ll find that they'll do the same for you and it will completely change the dynamics of your family! If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Rachel’s website, Sage Parenting @SageParenting on IG Free to Learn by Peter Gray The Opposite Of Spoiled by Ron Lieber Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/47 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12333371

TPJ 46: How To Stay Zen During The Holidays 12/02/2019

TPJ 46: How To Stay Zen During The Holidays The holidays are often a mixed bag of emotions. It can be a privilege to have family and friends to meet up with during the holidays. But for many of us it’s a season of stress and frustration...especially when you do things differently from the norm, like peaceful & conscious parenting. [4:34] The stress and anxiety can become “normal” for us if we don’t do something about it. [6:50] We shouldn't let differences and minor issues damage our relationships. [9:58] Tip #1: Your breath. [13:38] Tip #2: Visualization. [17:40] Tip #3: Focus on the good, not the bad. “Energy flows where attention goes.” -Tony Robbins [22:53] Remember this season is temporary! [23:51] You are the main leader and influence in your children’s life. [24:56] Being with diverse groups of people will broaden their horizons and capacity! [25:58] Take breaks. [27:55] Channel your inner “peaceful ninja”. We can’t avoid some of the more unpleasant aspects of gathering with family over the holiday season, but we can use these tools to reduce the stress and anxiety that normally come with this time of year. Let’s use our breath to stay calm, our bubble to keep criticisms or judgments from bothering us, and focus only on the good during this holiday season. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life Byron Katie’s website, The Work. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/46 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12212039

TPJ Bonus Episode: Interview with Tosha Schore 11/28/2019

TPJ Bonus Episode: Interview with Tosha Schore In this special bonus episode of the Parenting Junkie Show, I interview Tosha Schore, whose mission is to create a more peaceful world one sweet boy at a time. Tosha helps parents who have young boys who are struggling with aggression issues, helping change their behavior without using punishment or harshness. This episode will be helpful even if you don’t have boys. You no doubt have boys in your life in some way (nephews, friends of your kids, etc.) and you’ll learn about what we need to change regarding the way we treat boys in our culture. [3:46] We have an opportunity to bring more peace to the world by changing how we parent/treat boys. [11:12] Men often tamp down their boy's feelings to help them avoid the shame they experienced as a child. [13:08] The way to “fix it” is not by shaming parents or the boys. [15:32] Parents get scared; men don’t want their boys to be shamed like they were, and women are often triggered by past trauma. [16:03] First we have to heal ourselves and work on our own triggers. [17:18] We often believe a fallacy that if they behave “properly,” then they get our love and affection. We need to flip that around. [22:23] Move in close and try to be playful about it. [23:39] It's not about teaching them what’s ok and what’s not...they know. [27:46] Kids often will say or do things that are contrary to what they really want or need. [30:34] Your body/physical touch is a parenting tool. [31:55] Setting limits is extremely important for the well-being of you and your family. [33:52] Limits will shine a light on the area(s) your kid's struggle with. [37:17] Limits can (and should) be set with love. [38:25] We often subconsciously expect kids to love the limits we set...but they won’t. You have to get comfortable with the fact that they won’t like it. [40:33] Why do we do things that don’t work over and over, expecting them to suddenly start working? [42:53] Being playful and silly is a great way to diffuse tense situations. [43:28] Once a child feels seen and connected, he wants to cooperate. [44:57] If you're uncomfortable with aggressive play, step outside your comfort zone and experiment with allowing it. [51:56] What about aggressive video games? [53:09] Do what’s best for you and your family (even if “all their friends” play a certain game and you feel uncomfortable with it). [55:04] Be interested in what your kids are interested in and learn about the games they’re playing. [55:28] Tech should stay in a family space (i.e. not in a bedroom). [56:01] If something interferes with their wellbeing, you may need to set limits around that activity. And experiment with limits and adjust as necessary. [58:50] Behavior doesn't equal identity. If we consistently step toward our boys when they act up and focus on building connection, we’ll start to see the aggressive behaviors “peel off” (like layers of an onion). Remember, your sweet boy is in there regardless of current behavior If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & Resources Mentioned: Tosha’s book Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges Tosha’s website Tosha’s Facebook Page Tosha’s course “Out With Aggression” Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/podcast_type/tosha-schore /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12176153

TPJ 45: Dealing With Entitlement & Ungratefulness 11/25/2019

TPJ 45: Dealing With Entitlement & Ungratefulness Do your children ever act entitled or ungrateful? Mine do, and it’s a major trigger for me. While I don’t want to deprive my children of abundance, safety, joy, experiences and some material things, I don’t want to raise entitled and ungrateful children (who will turn into entitled and ungrateful adults)! So what are we to do?? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s episode. [3:59] How entitled are our kids? We can use these questions as a gauge. [6:36] If our children are acting entitled, what do we do? Getting angry or yelling makes it worse. [7:28] Giving in makes it worse too. [11:02] My aim isn’t to give my kids a fairy tale existence. [17:24] It’s a gradual learning curve. [19:48] Entitlement isn’t about having “the thing”; it’s about the attitude toward having “the thing”. [20:06] The opposite of entitlement isn’t deprivation; the opposite of entitlement is gratitude. [21:34] Practical step #1 to decreasing our children’s entitlement: Restrain our overprotective instincts. [24:30] Practical step #2: Help them frame frustrations within a broader perspective. [26:59] Practical step #3: We should avoid bribing our children or paying them for chores. [28:29] Practical step #4: Stop doing things for your children that they can do for themselves. [30:27] Practical step #5: Practice gratitude regularly. [33:07] Practical step #6: Give our children perspective by sharing how difficult things are/were for other people. The opposite of entitlement is gratitude, and the route to gratitude is perspective. We need to remind ourselves of how good we have it and stop taking it for granted. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Next Bliss Retreat Empathic Limits Course Amy McCready’s book “The Me, Me, Me Epidemic” Peaceful Parenting Doesn't Work?! Allowance and Chores 10 Tips for Teaching Gratitude Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/45 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12142958

TPJ Bonus Episode: An Interview with Becki Biermaier 11/21/2019

TPJ Bonus Episode: An Interview with Becki Biermaier We all want what’s best for our children, but sometimes we can be a little too protective, do too much for them, and expect too little from them. In this interview with Becki Biermaier, who has experienced more than her share of challenges as a little person, we discuss what parents can do to help their children develop resilience and overcome the challenges they face in life. [8:05] Pity is disempowering. “Until a child knows they can’t, they think they can.” [9:46] Boundaries and expectations. [11:43] Allow our children to experience discomfort and challenges [13:46] Celebrate progress instead of complaining that our children need our help to complete a task. [15:00] “What kids need the most is to do things for themselves, with you telling them they can.” [16:51] Build margin into our schedule so we can slow down and let our children try things on their own. [18:09] Help younger children by promoting their independence and helping them learn that every choice has a result. [21:05] Elementary school age: teach them to brainstorm strategies and think through “if/then” scenarios (and to regroup when they fail or face challenges). [23:00] Middle schoolers; reinforce the idea that their decisions impact their results. [23:40] Even though they resist it, middle schoolers need more of your time. [25:20] High school; they do more on their own and need a safe space to come to you with questions and issues. [28:15] Overcoming bullying or getting picked on. [31:02] Overcoming learning or social disabilities and challenges. [37:18] Partner with your child’s teachers & school administration. I think we’ll find that as we expect more from our children, build in more time to let them try things on their own, celebrate their wins, and help them regroup after failures, they’ll develop resilience and overcome any challenges that come their way! If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Becki’s email address: everybodylookup@gmail.com Becki’s YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTG10qvgLMRSoB9OIc6xNxA Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/podcast_type/becki-biermaier/ /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12112166

TPJ 44: Coaching Up the Hurt Child 11/18/2019

TPJ 44: Coaching Up the Hurt Child Are your kids ever on the receiving end of name-calling? Do they get their feelings hurt by other kids, and you find yourself struggling with how to deal with it or help them through it? In this episode we’ll dive into some ways you can help your children become healthy and strong individuals by coaching them through the friction and conflict they’re bound to experience throughout their childhood. [3:11] Name calling and hurt feelings are par for the course and aren’t as bad as you might think. [4:54] Our natural tendency is to be empathetic and protective...but sometimes we overprotect. [6:59] Being overprotective can make our children feel incapable of handling conflict. [8:04] We also don’t want to just brush it off as no big deal. [9:40] There will be times when you need to involve other people (parents, teachers, etc.). [10:41] Not every single conflict between kids is “bullying” or “unsafe.”[12:47] We need to experience friction & conflict in childhood to help us learn how to deal with it. [18:22] The 3 “un-truths” explored in The Coddling of the American Mind. [20:09] Give a little bit of empathy, but mostly focus on coaching them. [21:52] The untruth of fragility. [24:09] The untruth of emotional reasoning. [30:52] The untruth of us vs. them. Let’s do our best to reframe the conflicts our children experience as opportunities to coach them and help them develop into healthy and strong people who can handle whatever life throws at them. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Book The Coddling of the American Mind https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events/ Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/44 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/12029033

TPJ 43: Eco-Conscious Gifts For Kids 11/11/2019

TPJ 43: Eco-Conscious Gifts For Kids Consumption...gifts...toys. If you're like me, you live in a society where materialism and the availability of toys and “stuff” is overwhelming, you likely struggle with the desire for “more” vs. minimalism and mindful consumption. In this episode we discuss how we can be eco-conscious when it comes to gifts and the holidays. [3:33] The deck is stacked against us when it comes to consumption and materialism...especially in the U.S. [6:29] The real issue is with our own internal struggles with mindful consumption. [6:42] We also need to give ourselves the grace and freedom to live a joy-filled life. [8:12] The world (and our children) needs less consumption. [15:29] Idea #1: Adopt an animal from a shelter. [16:48] Idea #2: An experience. [18:20] Idea #3: Second hand (used) items. [19:58] Idea #4: Long lasting/high quality toys. [21:40] Idea #5: Digital gifts. In the end what makes the biggest impact is minimizing and making special occasions less about “stuff” and more about what really matters. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events/ Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/43 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11923841

TPJ 42: You Are Your Child's Teacher, Like It Or Not 11/04/2019

TPJ 42: You Are Your Child's Teacher, Like It Or Not In this episode I interview Julie Bogart (author of the incredible book The Brave Learner and founder of https://bravewriter.com)! Join us as we discuss ideas for making learning fun and how you are responsible for your child’s education even if you don’t homeschool. [6:53] “How you relate to your child around their education is the key to successful growth of their love of learning.” [10:47] We can partner with our children to give them an education that they enjoy and gives them a hunger for learning. [13:13] Bring play and enchantment into learning instead of forcing kids to leave play to do hard work. [15:59] Whether we homeschool or not, an involved parent leads to the best outcomes for our child’s education. [19:15] The more we support our children, the sooner they choose to try on their own. [19:36] We need to provide the corresponding level of support to the presenting need. [22:34] Sometimes the teacher is the leader, sometimes the child is. [32:56] Don’t miss out on opportunities for your child to learn how to teach, even if it means you have to play a game you don’t particularly enjoy (Pokémon anyone?? 😂 ) [34:49] Learning is invisible to parents (you can’t see in their head) so we often seek “paper and pencil” for reassurance that learning is occuring. [38:35] Kids are constantly pay attention and learning...but what they’re paying attention to doesn’t always register in our minds as learning, according to traditional academics. [39:04] The best approach to screen time (spoiler alert; there isn’t one). [45:58] We all struggle at times, but we shouldn’t stay there. No one can live in “struggle” long-term. There needs to be a pivot; we need to find a way to move forward, out of the struggle. [47:12] The way to move forward is subjective, not prescriptive. It depends on the needs of our individual families and what’s best in each season. [49:20] “Liberation comes when you take back your right to explore as many options as necessary to find today’s right fit for you and your family.” Whether we homeschool or not, we are ultimately responsible for our children’s education and need to be as involved as possible to fuel their love for learning. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: Julie’s book The Brave Learner https://thebravelearner.com/ (be sure to download the free companion guide from this website!) https://bravewriter.com/ Julie’s podcast & blog info @JulieBraveWriter Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/42 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11833523

TPJ 41: Why Kids Lie 10/28/2019

TPJ 41: Why Kids Lie Do your children lie to you? Or if they’re too young, are you worried they will in the future? I get questions about lying quite often, and in this episode we’re going to talk about why children lie and what we can do about it. [4:13] Lying is a natural part of a child’s development. [5:45] Younger kids sometimes don’t differentiate between reality and their imagination. [8:04] They start using their imagination to attempt to alter reality. [9:27] They start to lie because they’re aware of what we want to hear or to avoid trouble. [14:58] Let’s try to be less offended and angry when our children lie. It’s part of growing up and it’s going to happen. [16:11] We really don’t value the truth as much as we say or think we do. We lie to ourselves and others frequently. [18:55] We even lie to our children. [22:03] We often lie to protect ourselves. [22:37] Our kids lie to us because they think we can't handle the truth. [23:25] We need to model honesty. [25:22] Let’s show our kids that we value honesty over smooth sailing (and keep calm when they tell us the truth). [26:03] When they do lie, it’s important to guide them back to honesty without shaming and punishing them. [30:56] There’s a powerful link between truth and trust, and it goes both ways (our trust in them, and their trust in us). [34:25] We can respond playfully and calmly when we catch our children lying. This will set a foundation for connection with our kids, creating trustworthy and truthful relationships for years to come. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & resources mentioned: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/events Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/41 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11774021

TPJ 40: Why Kids Don't Listen 10/21/2019

TPJ 40: Why Kids Don't Listen Does it frustrate you when you ask your children to do something, and they don’t do it? Do your kids ever tune you out or not hear you when you’re trying to talk to them? Do they ever dig in their heels or do the opposite of what you’re asking them to do? Doesn’t it just drive you CRAZY sometimes?? Or is it just me? In this episode we’re going to talk about why children don’t “listen” and what we can do to improve the odds they’ll cooperate and comply with our requests more often. [3:56] The term “listen” has become a euphemism for “obey.” [7:05] Let’s aim for this instead of obedience. [9:40] There are times when we need our children to comply with a request. [10:38] There are many reasons why kids...even you and me...don't listen. [13:09] They might be busy or in "flow.” [13:56] They might have a more pressing need. [16:04] Don't have what they need (tools, skills, etc.) to fulfill a request. [17:03] They might not understand what we’re asking. [18:24] They don't want to do what we've asked them to do. [20:39] Hunter Clarke-Fields explains how we’re often the ones not listening. [24:31] How do we make ourselves heard? There has to be some friction that breaks their concentration. [26:39] Go down to their level, make eye contact, and speak calmly, clearly, and in a way they can understand. [28:15] If you’re interrupting them, let them know when they can get back to what they were doing. [30:47] Sometimes you will still have to follow through and help them. [32:38] Minimize the number of requests we make and only request things that are really important. [34:36] We must model listening by listening to them (as much as possible). We won’t (and can’t) do all of these things perfectly every single time, but it’s something to work toward. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Resources Mentioned: Why obedience is NOT my goal Obedience vs. Respect Hunter Clarke-Fields Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/40 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11671748

TPJ 39: Screen Time & Video Games 10/14/2019

TPJ 39: Screen Time & Video Games Is the battle over your children’s screen time a constant source of frustration (and tantrums!)? Are you concerned they’re spending too much time on screens and that it might be unhealthy and even stunting their mental, social, and physical development? 🙋🏽 I’m right there with you. In this episode I talk with Dr. Alok Kanojia (a world-class addiction psychiatrist and reformed gamer) and his wife Kruti about gaming and screen time, breaking down the intricacies and nuances that will help each of us address the issue in our own families. [3:05] What is Healthy Gamer? [7:16] It’s challenging to balance children’s screen time without isolating them from their friends and community. [8:48] If it causes a problem in a major area of life (mental, social, physical, etc.), then it is a problem. [11:04] Reframe conversations with our children about video games/screen time and avoid being antagonistic. [12:00] Consider having weekly check-ins where you discuss gaming & screen time with your child, creating a sense of shared responsibility and goals. [13:27] Figure out what type of gamer our children are (do they like to build & create vs. high intensity and competition). It will help us find offline activities that they’ll be interested in. [16:40] What’s a healthy amount of game/screen time? [19:30] Research indicates that violence in games doesn’t increase violence in real life. The communities that form around games are more concerning than the games themselves. [20:10] Move away from headsets to speakers so we can hear what our children are hearing when they play (especially any conversation that’s happening with other people in the game). [21:43] Watch for when our children have that blank stare/zoned out look. That’s a good time to transition to something else. [22:18] Watch out for dopamine burnout. That’s when addiction can set in, and may require more direct intervention. [24:00] How do we set healthy boundaries and expectations? [27:20] Find other ways for children to enjoy the characters and stories they love (soundtracks, short stories, etc.). [29:47] Kids who gravitate toward games are often intelligent and are seeking ways to be challenged. [32:52] Should we limit screen time? There’s no one-size-fits-all. [34:32] We’re trying to model and teach our children restraint, not restriction. In the end, we need to trust our parental intuition to determine what’s right for our families. And we need to have grace for ourselves as we try things and figure out what works best for each unique child. To find out more about Dr. Alok and Kruti Kanojia's work, head over to https://www.healthygamer.gg/. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/39 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11590622

TPJ 38: Playful Parenting 10/07/2019

TPJ 38: Playful Parenting Have you ever seen a parent who really knows how to connect with kids? I think we all know someone who knows how to get them laughing and win them over with ease. One who can speak to kids at their level, calm them down when they get a little crazy or help them feel better when they’re upset. My brother is like this and it’s amazing to watch him in action. I wish it came as naturally to me as it does to him. Can you relate? In this episode, we’re talking about what playful parenting is, why it works, and how you can incorporate it into your life right now. [4:48] Playfulness is a superpower when it comes to interacting with children. [6:58] Responding to a situation playfully not only calms our children down but also calms ourselves down. [8:16] Play is how children learn, communicate feelings, connect with others, and deal with stressful situations. [9:45] Playfulness can help children express complex emotions. [11:05] Children can learn how to overcome fear when we role-play and teach them how to “talk” to fear. [11:55] Teach them to overcome shyness. [12:36] Teach them about diversity and being kind to people who are different. [13:21] Prepare them for a difficult situation, like going to the doctor. [15:25] Help them learn how to deal with sibling rivalry. [17:06] Use play to get their cooperation and diffuse power struggles...like when you’re in a rush to go somewhere and your child is moving very slowly. [18:49] Become contrary and silly about something you want them to do (like washing their hands with soap). [20:14] When they’re resisting you, try the “full agreement” game. [22:25] Additional ideas Playful parenting has so much potential to transform life with your children. All it takes is a little imagination and a good dose of silliness! If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/38 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11507444

TPJ 37: Start Accepting Now 09/30/2019

TPJ 37: Start Accepting Now In this episode I talk about the reality that as our children grow into adulthood, they may “veer off” the path that we hoped for them. Have you ever worried about that? Have you thought about how you may feel if they turn out to be different than the person you wanted them to be? How would you handle it if you’re disappointed about who they become? [4:25] We have a lot of influence in their early years. [5:51] Then there are the teenage years… [6:58] We want our children to be able to think for themselves, but we also don’t want them to make “bad” decisions. [8:39] What’s our long term vision for our relationship with our children? [10:30] We need to start accepting them for who they are. [12:36] What I mean by acceptance (and what it's not). [16:35] How can we not only accept who they are today, but also who our children will become? [18:21] What are some of those things you think you wouldn’t be able to accept or tolerate? [19:49] Not accepting our children may result in losing our relationship with them. [23:38] Not accepting our children may cause them to lose relationship with themselves. [25:32] Let’s not let our own agenda for our children overpower our unconditional love for them. [27:12] Tolerance isn’t enough. We must accept, love, and celebrate who they are (and who they’re becoming). [29:30] The byproduct of this level of acceptance will be more influence. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Resource Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/37 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11441540

TPJ 36: Atheism and Spirituality 09/23/2019

TPJ 36: Atheism and Spirituality In this episode we’re going to talk about religious practices, faith, and religious communities. People often ask me about how they can combine their passion and commitment to parenting from a loving and respectful place with their commitment to their faith (which might be based on a type of rewards system itself!) It’s a tough but important question to answer. And this doesn’t apply to just organized religion; it’s applicable to any sort of belief system or way of life (like veganism, atheism, or any of the other “isms”). [4:08] How do we get our children to adopt our belief system without controlling or manipulating? [6:20] Dr. Shefali shares her thoughts on religion and parenting. [11:44] Those raised in a religious home often feel obligated to “carry the torch”. [15:15] Any religion, belief, or way of life can come from a place of love or fear. [16:59] Trying to force others into our beliefs is a sign of insecurity. [18:09] Others raised in a religious home completely abandon their faith as they come of age. [19:25] It doesn’t have to be “all-or-nothing”. We can throw out what doesn’t serve us and keep what does. [23:06] Use critical thinking and discernment. [24:34] Check our motives; are we doing (or not doing) something because we’re afraid of what others might think or say? [26:22] Do our beliefs make us separatists? [27:41] Is there duality in our beliefs? [29:41] We should share our beliefs with our children and give them space to explore and make their own interpretations. [30:15] Instead of forcing, controlling, or manipulating religious activity, let’s inspire it. [33:20] Try to create positive interactions. Make the positive to negative ratio 5:1. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & Resources Gottman Institute article Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/36 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11330909

TPJ 35: Introducing Spirituality to Your Family 09/16/2019

TPJ 35: Introducing Spirituality to Your Family In this episode we’ll discuss spirituality in parenting, regardless of one’s religion. [6:50] Are religious people happier? [8:29] Organized religions often facilitate social ties and community. [10:15] Religious people create time to pursue spiritual feelings and emotions. [13:25] We can harness these same feelings and emotions in our parenting. [14:58] If you’re curious about my personal spirituality… [17:50] Parenting itself is an act of spirituality. [18:21] Gratitude [21:13] Giving [24:45] Create a gateway to your emotions and spirituality and make it part of your day-to-day life. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to Instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on Instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5-star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly, they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like-minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Links & Resources Show notes: www.theparentingjunkie.com/35 Quote from Brené Brown at 4:50: “Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.” This definition was first published in The Gifts of Imperfection. For some people, that power greater than us is God; for others, it’s fishing. Some are reminded of our inextricable connection by faith; others by expressions of shared humanity. Some find that religion is the best expression of inextricable human connection that is guided by love and compassion, and others believe that no entity has done more to corrode that connection than organized religion.” /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11259263

TPJ 34: Do the words "Leadership" and "Parenting" belong together? 09/09/2019

TPJ 33: Get Comfortable Being the Authority Figure 09/02/2019

TPJ 33: Get Comfortable Being the Authority Figure The word authority gets a bad rap when it comes to peaceful parenting because it tends to get lumped in with the authoritarian parenting style which is the “do as I say or else” style. But authority is actually well rooted in the authoritative style where you have high expectations but you also provide high support and warmth. When we choose to abdicate our role as the authority, our children are then left to make decisions they are not ready to make. Instead, if we become that empathetic firm leader, our children can relax because they know there's someone at the helm. We need to get comfortable being the authority figure. As Janet Lansbury said “Children NEED parents. They feel no real freedom without boundaries. They are not little adults with the maturity to make healthy, thoughtful, sensible decisions about screen use, sugar intake, etc.” I couldn’t agree more. In this episode, I’ll share why being the authority figure in your family actually liberates your children and 3 ways to get comfortable being the authority figure...here’s what you’ll hear: [6:19] It’s our JOB! [7:30] Authoritative vs. Authoritarian [11:06] Legal and moral responsibility [12:47] Social and physical responsibility [15:50] Is authority harsh? [16:41] Don’t throw your kids in the deep end 🏊‍♀️ [18:47] Downside of democracy (in the home) [22:23] Janet Lansbury’s take on parenting by democracy [25:42] Eventually you will have no more authority… [26:44] #1 - Give small choices [30:44] #2 - Get comfortable [33:02] #3 - Why it’s an act of generosity Remember, when children have a leader and have clarity around the expectations of the home they are liberated and free to enjoy the ride. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @parentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/33 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/11081582

TPJ 32: How to Choose Progress Over Perfection in Parenting 08/26/2019

TPJ 32: How to Choose Progress Over Perfection in Parenting With all the great information and examples of parenting the way you desire to out there, do you ever feel like you constantly fall short? Like you’re failing as a parent and just not measuring up? You’ve heard it before, “comparison is the thief of joy.” But, in this information at our fingertips world we are living in, it can be difficult to not fall into the trap of comparing. We can also get discouraged even when we don’t compare ourselves to others but to some ideal version of ourselves that we constantly fail to be. It can feel like a mountain towering over you with SO many areas to work on, and no one is immune (myself included). In this episode, I’ll share the cause of this distress and 3 things to help you overcome it...here’s what you’ll hear: [4:22] Information overload 📚 [7:43] Check your expectations [10:30] Breathe with me (bookmark this for later if you’re driving or want to keep coming back for more! 🧘‍♀️) [12:38] #1 - What to do if you MUST Compare [15:50] #2 - What we can learn from Warren Buffett [19:49] #3 - 🎶Celebrate good times, come on! 🎶 You can do this, you ARE doing this, treat yourself with compassion and celebrate your wins! If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @theparentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/32 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/10989452

TPJ 31: How to NOT Lose Yourself in Motherhood 08/19/2019

TPJ 31: How to NOT Lose Yourself in Motherhood I was chatting with a friend who’s recently become a first time mom. Her baby is just turning one and she told me: “I’ve really let myself go”... she described how she hasn’t been to the gym since her pregnancy, how she’s enslaved herself in service of her baby and how she hasn’t been out with her girlfriends in months. If this is you, I’m going to share a mindset shift that will help you break free of victimhood and enslavement parenting - and how your child will benefit greatly from this shift as well. You’ve heard it before, you’ve probably even said it - my children are my WHOLE world, my kids are my life. I know I have. It’s true that when we become a parent our children take a place in our lives that’s greater than anything that has come before them. We would literally lay down our life for our children. While we would sacrifice our lives to save our children should we also sacrifice our life, well-being, and happiness just to care for them? And if we do so what are we actually modeling for our children? What type of parents will they grow up to be when we choose this path? Parenting like this can lead to burnout. Maybe it’s time we also focus not just on parenting the whole child but on being the WHOLE parent...here’s what you’ll hear: [4:29] What is a whole life? [6:37] Tying our worth to our sacrifice [9:08] More sacrifice, more work = better parent? (spoiler alert: NO, it doesn’t) [11:12] This does NOT mean become a narcissist [14:10] You make me… [16:46] The solution! Yes please! [18:14] Nourish yourself 🧘‍♀️ [19:51] Drop “or” - use “and” instead! [20:55] You are MORE than just a parent Remember, you are the curriculum. How you show up, including most of all, how you treat yourself, is what your child will learn. Are you treating yourself the way you hope they grow up to treat themselves? If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @theparentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/31 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/10916295

TPJ 30: Does Work-Life Balance for Moms Even Exist? 08/12/2019

TPJ 30: Does Work-Life Balance for Moms Even Exist? Are you a working parent who tends to feel guilty while at work that you should be with your kids but then also feels guilty while with your kids that you should be working? Or perhaps you’re not a working parent but you are trying to meet your needs and desires in some way be it fitness, or a hobby and also feel guilty when trying to balance the two? If you’ve ever felt like you’re a failure on all fronts this episode is for you! This episode will mainly focus on balancing the needs from a work perspective but you can apply it to any faucet of your life. When we try to show up as different versions of ourselves and hide the parts of ourselves we don’t feel belong under that hat we can be left feeling fragmented, like we are a failure in both areas of our lives. You’ll learn how to change your language to change your mind (spoiler alert: realize you have ONE life). Also, you’ll realize that it is ok and even expected if your experience in one role affects your experience in the other because after all, you are one integrated person. In this episode we’ll discuss “work-life balance.” Is it an illusion to think that you can truly balance your work life and home life, especially in modern times when there is less separation between the 2? Here’s what you’ll hear: [5:01] Conform to Society’s Desire? [6:58] Bring home the bacon AND spend more time with your kids [10:39] It’s all in how you frame it [13:11] Drop “or” choose “and” instead! [14:26] You don’t have to hide your “momness” at work [17:17] You don’t have to hide your professional self at home [18:41] Forget work-life, you have ONE life [20:59] Working IS good parenting - drop the guilt! [24:03] What are you teaching your children? (You don’t wanna miss this!) [28:37] Resent the “2nd shift”? If so this is the reframe that will change your life! So is work-life balance achievable? Yes, of course. But only when you stop treating them as separate things and treat them as faucets of the one integrated life you have. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @theparentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Come join the messy middle and connect to like minded parenting junkies! Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/30 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/10707317

TPJ 29: Forget the Extremes, Try the Radical Middle 08/05/2019

TPJ 29: Forget the Extremes, Try the Radical Middle We’re faced with many decisions in this parenting journey, and many options seem to be extreme on one side or the other. Should you be a whole life unschooler, or punish your children when they don’t get straight As in school? Should you work outside the home and climb the corporate ladder or should you surrender to a life of staying at home, giving up on your interests and income in favor of parenting? Should you give them free access to screens or should you be completely screen free? Not only does it feel polarizing but it also can make us feel like we don’t really fit in anywhere if we aren’t on either end of the extreme. I’m going to offer up an alternative - the radical middle. I won’t say it will be easy. Let’s face it, when you make the decision to stay curious and not sit on either end of the extreme it can be hard. You’re choosing to create a path instead of following one that’s already laid down. Being in the middle means we think about all the decisions and what works for us right now and we stay open to learn more and change our minds if a different decision would better meet our families needs. In this episode we’ll discuss how you don’t have to choose one extreme over another, and that most of us fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Here’s what you’ll hear: [5:03] Decision fatigue is real [8:36] How to combat decision fatigue [9:53] Example 1: Discipline [13:27] Example 2: Sleep training [17:11] Example 3: Education [19:18] Example 4: Boundaries [23:00] What is my identity in parenting? [24:02] The radical middle. [25:50] Pick what’s best and leave the rest. [29:19] The middle is hard [32:44] The middle is brave [34:44] The middle is radical. The middle can be messy. It’s not always neat and clear because there is no one size fits all. At the end of the day the answer is always “it depends.” If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @theparentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Come join the messy middle and connect to like minded parenting junkies! Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/29 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/10685882

TPJ 28: Homeschool is NOT for Everyone 07/29/2019

TPJ 28: Homeschool is NOT for Everyone Are schools like prison? A human rights violation? Is forced education immoral and abusive? If so… what are the millions and millions of parents with school-going kids to do? If this concerns you, listen up. You've heard the experts like Ken Robinson and Alfie Kohn weigh in that "schools kill creativity" or that "schools are feel bad education." In fact, schools have been compared to prison in that they limit children’s freedom and choices. In many cases they also do not give the education we want for our children, I know this is true in my case. But I also know that what works for me does NOT work for everyone. If you are in a situation, whether it be financial, psychological, etc, in which homeschooling does not work for you, I’m here to reassure you that is ok too! Often times we look at the negative aspects of the school system but we forget to look at the possible negative impact of switching to homeschooling if it’s not a good fit for the family. Switching to homeschooling could lead to a burnt out mom, stressed from trying to figure out how to replace her income now that she quit her job to homeschool and stressed about whether her child is keeping up or not and what activities she needs to plan. Is that really better for the kids in the long run? Even if you have accepted your reality that homeschooling is not right for your family perhaps you still worry about the school available to you. Maybe the school focuses a lot on grades creating a very competitive environment. Or perhaps they have the homework “rule” of an hour per grade level. Or maybe it’s just the context of school in general - the “cool” kids and the potential materialism that could lead to or processed sugary foods being the only real foods available. Whatever it is that you are worrying about I’ll remind you why you need to let it go. You’re worrying does not serve anyone, especially your children, in-fact it may even be making their challenges in school more difficult. Even if you’ve made your decision and feel completely comfortable in your choice you’ll still gain something from this episode, we even have an expert guest (spoiler alert: Dr. Shefali Tsabary!!) Here’s what you’ll hear: [6:13] Schools are prisons (at least according to some people) [15:24] Should my kids stay or go? 🤷‍♀️ [17:19] Does that serve your children? (or you?) [18:15] Pause and take a breath before deciding 🧘‍♀️ [21:38] There’s always a cost 💰 [23:40] Get real [24:26] Accept it [26:04] Be fluid and flexible [27:58] What would Dr. Shefali do? 💕 [30:41] We all need to calm the 🤬down [31:54] You can bring the change you want to see! [33:16] Hack the system! At the end of the day you have to accept your reality. You need to find a way to work with whatever you cannot change. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @theparentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/28 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/10677671

TPJ 27: Can Your Child Really Learn Everything through Harry Potter? 07/22/2019

TPJ 27: Can Your Child Really Learn Everything through Harry Potter? Should we follow & encourage our children’s passions - like animals, robots or ballerinas - or drill into them the things they need to know, like math, science, and literacy? If you are homeschooling do you find yourself wanting to follow your child’s interest and NOT simply replicate the school system in your home but worry they will miss out on the important skills we need to teach them? Or maybe your child attends school and it seems you always have to fight with them to finish their homework or to study. No matter what your path, this episode has some inspiration and practical tangible steps to bring the enchantment back to learning! So, how can we motivate our children to learn the common core subjects? How can we make sure they get the knowledge without undermining their intrinsic motivation? It can feel like the options are to follow the child completely, as in radical unschooling, or impose our agenda on them either by sending them to school or following a set curriculum at home are our only options. What if I told you there was a third way? In this episode we’re going to explore how to do both. How to follow your child's interests AND make sure they are learning the skills they need to know. I’ll give you 3 actionable steps as well as 3 practical examples to get you started. Here’s what you’ll hear: [3:51] How will my child learn math if princesses is all she will talk about? 👸 [6:25] Can’t I just force them to learn? [7:07] What’s wrong with candy in exchange for long division problems completed? 🍭 [8:24] Learning IS fun, right? [11:29] You can learn EVERYTHING through ANYTHING [13:22] Step 1: PJ masks, paw patrol, fairies… what is it? [15:22] Step 2: Map it out [15:57] Step 3: A little planning goes a long way [16:36] Example 1: The world through Lego [23:39] Example 2: Enchant with Harry Potter [33:06] Example 3: Yes even Princesses can be educational! By using this method we become a partner in their education. We collaborate with them by following their interests all the way through to the myriad of ways it can actually provide the education we may have on our adult agenda. When we teach and guide children in this way much of the resistance falls away and makes way for passion. With this education then becomes a fun and creative endeavor. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @theparentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can! Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/27 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/10601117

TPJ 26: Unschooling, Entrepreneurship, Getting Help & More! Interview with Kim Constable of The Sculpted Vegan 07/15/2019

TPJ 26: Unschooling, Entrepreneurship, Getting Help & More! Interview with Kim Constable of The Sculpted Vegan Are you an entrepreneur or trying to get a business off the ground but have no idea how to fit it all in with young kids? Are you interested in unschooling or radical unschooling and are unsure of what that even looks like? Or do you just simply struggle to feel brave in your parenting choices given all the uncertainty and conflicting information you find? No matter your situation this episode has something for you! In this episode you’ll hear a conversation I had with Kim Constable, The Sculpted Vegan. Kim is a yoga teacher, and a competitive vegan body-builder who started her business in the health and fitness industry founding multi-million dollar deyogatox and the sculpted vegan. If you ask Kim what her first and foremost role is she will tell you it is being a mother. She decided to take her two eldest children out of school and embark on a journey of radical unschooling. If you’re wondering what radical unschooling looks like, you’re in luck, Kim shares her beliefs, biggest struggles, and biggest wins when it comes to radically unschooling (spoiler alert: it’s okay to not know everything 🤔). In this episode Kim shares how she scheduled her time and did it all while starting her business before she had any help as well as her views on hiring help. This also includes how her and her husband handled their respective roles in the family and how to stay crystal clear on your vision even through the hard times. We also get to hear what it is like to radically unschool 4 children and how that works in her family. In this heart to heart talk between two vegan, unschooling, entrepreneurial mothers of 4, you’ll hear: [2:50] How do you have time for it all? 🕰 [9:21] Finding a way to replace your roles [15:12] Thinking of starting a business? The first thing you should do! [17:31] Laundry is not going to grow you or your business 🧺 [21:30] You can’t see the success happen from the beginning [24:31] What opened the door to Kim learning about alternative parenting choices [31:04] Jumping on the trampoline at 2am!? [32:52] No rules? What!? 🤯 [38:11] What about screens? [47:33] We all get triggered 😡 [53:35] What about the mess!? 🧹 [57:13] Without rules on food won’t my kids just eat cookies? 🍪 [1:02:34] What do you mean you don’t know??🤷‍♀️ The work lies in truly coming to accept your child for who they are and not who you want them to be. If you enjoyed this episode and it inspired you in some way, I’d love to hear about it and know your biggest takeaway. Take a selfie of you listening or a screenshot of the show, post it to instagram stories, and tag me @theparentingjunkie or feel free to DM me on instagram, I try to reply to as many as I can!Are you subscribed to my podcast? Subscribe here so that fresh episodes are delivered directly to you. Those shiny 5 star ratings and sweet reviews have me all gushy, thank you. But more importantly they help other parents discover the Parenting Junkie Show and spread the word about Loving parenting and Parenting from Love. If you have a moment to spare, those reviews mean the world to me, you can leave one here. Want to connect to like minded parenting junkies? Join our (free & awesome) FB community Love Parenting with Avital. Show Notes: https://www.theparentingjunkie.com/26 /episode/index/show/parentingjunkie/id/10527083

TPJ 25: Which Will You Choose? Caring for Your Kids, Having a Clean Home, or Keeping Your Sanity 06/24/2019

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