PerformHappy with Rebecca Smith

I’m Rebecca Smith, your podcast host, and high-performance coach. I’m Director of Complete Performance Coaching and founder of the #PerformHappy community for sport parents. I’m sharing with parents, coaches, and teen athletes of all abilities how to achieve their personal best to perform happy. These are the tips and mental toughness strategies that my clients tell me help them most. I’m also providing insights for parents and coaches who want to support their kids and their teams. Performing well is a blend of talent, skill and mental toughness. I’ll talk about how to use all 3 to be the best athlete you can and have fun competing in your sport. I believe mental skills translate to all areas of your life. I believe that if kids are taught skills to cope with stress & emotion in a sport context, they will be better prepared to thrive in all areas of their life. I want kids to find personal success and passion. I help people maximize personal potential. Kids need an outlet to talk about their feelings, but they don’t necessarily want it to be their coach or parents. I believe that examining the stories we tell ourselves, and taking a look from different angles, can change everything. Maybe you’re a gymnast with a fear of going backwards. A swimmer who can’t seem to go any faster. Or a parent who is clueless about how to help your child succeed. You might be stepping up to tougher competition and looking to raise your game. This podcast is going to help.

Parenting Through Mental Blocks Day 3: The ONE THING That Has to be in Place Before Your Athlete Can Break Through a Mental Block EP 301 09/30/2023

Parenting Through Mental Blocks Day 2: Do's & Don'ts for Parents EP 300 09/23/2023

Parenting Through Mental Blocks Day 1: How Simone Biles Overcame Her Mental Block (Twice!!) and How to Keep from Backsliding EP 299 09/16/2023

How to Coach a Gymnast Through a Mental Block EP 298 08/12/2023

Gymnastics Coaches: The RIGHT Way to Stop the Balking EP 297 08/05/2023

Gymnastics Coaches: The RIGHT Way to Stop the Balking EP 297 Balking, also known as a mental block or a dip in confidence, occurs when an athlete struggles with a skill they’re fully capable of performing. Today Coach Rebecca responds to a coach's question about how to handle a student grappling with balking. She shares her current philosophy and two-balk rule, which includes a private discussion follows the first balk, and then the athlete is done for the day after the second balk. She also discusses the reasons why athletes balk. When balking happens, it reveals a fixed mindset, creating a black-and-white perspective. The brain perceives risk in the situation, triggering a fight, flight, or freeze response. It shows that the brain lacks confidence in the athlete's abilities, leading to a fear-based reaction rather than a rational one. “When you freeze up on a skill, you hesitate. That’s your brain sending a loud and clear message, “I’m not ready yet. I need to build more confidence first.” -Coach Rebecca Smith Here’s a three-step process for addressing this: Build Awareness: Help the athlete become conscious of their balking tendencies and understand what could lead to this response. Build Confidence: Work on enhancing the athlete's self-belief and trust in their abilities. Encourage them to take incremental steps toward conquering the skill. Build Self-Trust: Foster an environment where the athlete can safely work through their fear and gain confidence in their abilities. “Taking a step back is not getting off the path to success. It is the path to success.” -Coach Rebecca Smith Creating a flexible and collaborative environment is necessary in nurturing athletes who are happy and trusting. When athletes have confidence in themselves and trust in their coaches, they feel secure in expressing their needs and concerns. Building confidence is a journey, and with the right support and mindset, athletes can navigate through balking and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever. /episode/index/show/performhappy/id/27657261

How to Help Your Athlete When They're Struggling with Confidence (But They Don't Want Help) EP 296 07/29/2023

How to Help Your Athlete When They're Struggling with Confidence (But They Don't Want Help) EP 296 As parents, we all want the best for our young athletes, especially when they're going through tough times. But what should you do if your child resists the help and guidance we offer? In this episode, Coach Rebecca addresses this common concern and provides valuable insights for parents seeking ways to understand and support their athletes effectively. During their pre-teen and teenage years, it’s entirely normal for children to seek some distance from their parents. This developmental phase is marked by their quest for independence and the shaping of their identities. It's essential to recognize that their resistance might have a biological basis as their brains undergo significant changes during this period. In some cases, kids may not even realize they need help. We need to allow them space to recognize when they can improve and understand when to ask for help. Instead of arguing with them when they insist everything’s fine, try to agree with them while gently encouraging deeper reflection on their situation. Give them the freedom to figure things out and learn from their experiences. “Effort pointed in the wrong direction will actually decrease confidence.” -Rebecca Smith Embarrassment can also be a reason why young athletes avoid seeking help. They might fear standing out or being seen as different from their peers, especially if they require additional training or support. As parents, it's essential to create an environment where they feel safe to open up and share their challenges without judgment. The key lies in building a strong and trusting relationship with your child based on hope and trust. Coach Rebecca emphasizes the importance of teaching parents how to foster hope and trust with their kids. By creating a safe space where young athletes feel understood, supported, and free to share their experiences, parents can lay the foundation for open communication and the willingness to seek help when needed. “When you stop trying to solve the problem and instead start to build the relationship, that readiness for change is going to move and the hope they have in themselves is going to increase.” -Rebecca Smith Join Coach Rebecca in this episode as she shares essential strategies for building a supportive and trusting relationship with your athlete, empowering them to embrace growth and seek help when facing challenges. Remember, creating a nurturing and understanding environment can be the catalyst for your child's continued growth and success in their sports journey. FREE RESOURCES : Online Training /episode/index/show/performhappy/id/27590556

Making Conditioning Fun with Gemma Coles EP 295 07/22/2023

Building Resilience with NCAA Gymnast Sydney Ewing EP 294 07/15/2023

How To Stop Stressing Over Things You Can't Control EP 293 07/01/2023

How To Stop Stressing Over Things You Can't Control EP 293 Today, Coach Rebecca is doing a great training to help you stop stressing over things you can’t control. This episode is great for parents and athletes. Things happen that we can’t control, but here’s a go-to strategy you can use anytime. Stress shows up when we spend energy trying to control things that we can’t control. You may fall into the “control freak” mode. Trying to force and manage things so everything is “perfect”. Another mode is the “worrier”, and sometimes we’re both! The bottom line for both of these is they’re created by fear. When fear runs the show, it creates so much wasted energy either trying to be perfect, or worrying about every little thing that might happen. Coach Rebecca shares what you can do instead of giving into fear. Strategy to Reduce Stress Grab a piece of paper and begin to make a list of things you cannot control. For example, parents can’t control how your kid will perform, you can’t control decisions the coach makes. Kids, you can’t control what your coach says or how a teammate may respond to you. Now make a list of what you can control. Parents, you can control driving your kid to practice, you can be a good listener, you can provide great nutrition and lots more. Write a list of your fears. Own them and write them down. Example: my fear is that my kid will be miserable if she doesn’t make the team. Next, write facts. Example: She’ll make the team she qualified for, and I can help her learn to do her best. You’re left with the list of things you CAN control and FACTS that you can depend on when your brain wants you to start worrying or carrying tons of stress and/or fear. Haul around solutions and facts instead! Check out the full episode for the “extra credit” strategy that can help this become second nature. Connect with Coach Rebecca /episode/index/show/performhappy/id/27333021

How to Help Your Athlete Build Confidence From the Inside Out EP 292 06/24/2023

Mom and Daughter Gymnastics Duo - How Liz and Maribelle Balance Family and Gymnastics EP 291 06/17/2023

Mom and Daughter Gymnastics Duo - How Liz and Maribelle Balance Family and Gymnastics EP 291 What’s better than one gymnast in the family? Two of course! In this episode Coach Rebecca is talking to the mother and daughter duo who are both competing in level 10 gymnastics. For everyone who’s been told they’re too old, Liz is going to prove otherwise! Liz shares her gymnastics journey that started when she was a kid. At 12 she began really pursuing higher level gymnastics and hasn’t stopped since, except to have her 2 kids. She’s proof that starting at 12 can work, and staying with it can work too. It’s okay to commit to your gymnastics training at any age. Maribelle has been doing gymnastics from a young age. She didn’t start training until she was 6 and that was when she told her parents that she really wanted to. She’s now level 10 and is a second alternate for nationals. She says that being in the gym with mom and dad coaching works, and it’s an on-going process for all of them. When should you stop training? Liz said that after having her first child she thought it was expected that her gymnastic days were over. She began training to gain some strength after a postnatal illness. She shares how she made it back to not just training, but competing and winning. Maribelle shares her motivation. Right now, she’s got her sights on qualifying for elite and she’s thinking about competing in college. Coach Rebecca asks about the mental toughness part of gymnastics for both Liz and Maribelle and how they manage the mental part of training and competing. What if there was no end date? How would things look if coaches and athletes didn’t add arbitrary dates and deadlines? Would the fear be the same? Would it be easier to manage? Great discussion about how this works for Liz and those she coaches. Liz and a Maribelle also share their take on: Diet and nutrition Training for performance and strength Focusing on what works for them (not being rigid about the process) What to do instead of avoiding a skill How to work with a coach and how to coach individually The advantages and disadvantages of having parents be your coaches Lastly, Coach Rebecca asks what they recommend for people who feel like they’re “late” or want to start gymnastics when they are older. They have great advice for kids and for parents. Check out this great conversation and the fun advice and smart take on competing at any age, and making it work as a gymnastics family. /episode/index/show/performhappy/id/27167991

A Gymnastics Take on Toxic Coaching - Brook Weinheimer's Story EP 290 06/10/2023

A Gymnastics Take on Toxic Coaching - Brook Weinheimer's Story EP 290 This episode is for anyone who’s had trouble with a coach, or found themselves worried about going to practice, obsessing over being perfect and more. Brook shares her story and how she became the coach she always wanted for herself. Topics discussed: Understanding how to manage fear Expectations of compliance, how it can hurt and how to deal with it When shaming and rigid rules don’t work and a better approach Creating a space of respect so kids feel okay talking to their coach What’s a positive coaching mentality, and how it can help How you can claim your power and ask for the help you need Brook has become an advocate for changing the culture of gymnastics after her personal experience. Coach Rebecca shares her story and how she’s now changing the way coaches can work with their athletes. Brook started gymnastics in 4th grade and continued to compete all through high school. Hear how injuries impacted her career and how she related to Simone Biles when she was at the Olympics. Coach Rebecca and Brook talk about what happens when your body is capable, but your brain isn’t on board. So many athletes are going to relate to this! Expectations of compliance are issues that Coach Rebecca and Brook have in common. While Brook always followed her coach’s direction, she shares how it took a toll on her mental health and how she coped. Note to parents: If your kid or their coach uses the term uncoachable, it may mean that the effort to advocate for themselves is not working, or that a coach is shaming them for not advancing at the rate they want to see. Brook explains what can work better in these situations. Hear how feeling invalidated impacted Brook. She was told “this is not a democracy” and took that to mean that her voice didn’t matter. She felt guilty for being afraid, and it also made her feel wrong for expressing fear. Coach Rebecca talks about the concept of consent. This is so important! You can say no! Brook shares how far “out there” this would have felt to her if she’d tried to say no. There’s a solution! Hear what you can do when the fear responses of fight, flight or freeze shows up. There’s a way to move forward, even when there’s fear. Brook shares how she coaches differently because of her experience and how she learned to work though her fear. Feeling heard and seen is everything. Creating a space for respect is key to working though obstacles. You have options. Brook realized that her value wasn’t based on her performance, and that her effort mattered. She credits Complete Performance Coaching for helping her see how she could progress with a positive coaching mentality. Brook’s tips for athletes: Don’t be afraid to talk to your coach Build confidence when you need it, even if it means a step back Be flexible and creative when you’re working on new skills It’s a progression, small steps matter Use your voice when you can (in private or semi-private sessions for example) Today Brook is changing the coaching dynamic. She sees herself as an advocate and wants to share both the good and the difficult parts of her experience so others can understand they are not alone. She sees how being positive and empowering with small things means it’s much easier to tackle the big things. Her coaching style is to be supportive to create confidence while teaching new skills. It doesn’t have to be one or the other! Here’s what Brook wants everyone to know: being an athlete isn’t just about toughness. Your best is enough, and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Her advice: If you need support ask for it, and parents respond calmly. A hug and a kind word along with listening are what your athlete needs. Follow Brook on Instagram /episode/index/show/performhappy/id/27090846

Why Confidence Ladders Don't Work EP 289 06/03/2023

Are You One of THOSE Moms? EP 288 05/20/2023

Are You One of THOSE Moms? EP 288 You’ll do anything for your kid. You want them to be happy, healthy, successful, and supported, but your athlete is still struggling. Today we’ll talk about if you’ve accidentally became one of those moms. The ones that are unknowingly and accidentally adding pressure, and I’ll explain how to modify your support to help your athlete overcome their struggles! The goal here is to make sure you’re a part of the solution. We’ve learned in the last year how much parents can impact a happy, healthy, successful kid. We’ve seen it over and over. When parents change their approach, the athlete gains confidence and excels. Here are 5 questions to ask yourself. Track how many of your responses are a yes. Do you think about your athlete’s sport more than your own hobbies? Do you spend a lot of time trying to find solutions to your athlete’s problems? Do you secretly wish that they would quit and put you out of your misery AND also know that if they did quit, you’d be devastated? Do the majority of your conversations with your athlete revolve around their sport? Do you feel like you would do anything to help them through their sport struggle? If you answered yes to 2 or more of these questions, then you’re probably part of the problem. I know this comes from love and I’m going to explain how you can be the supportive, helpful parent you want to be, so please hang in here with me! Here’s what’s happening. They feel how involved you are, they pick up on your energy about how important this is, and how much time you’re spending trying to find solutions. They’re worried that you’re going to be really upset if they don’t succeed. They’re now the guardian of your feelings. Here’s how to make the shift. Find your own interest, hobby, or creative pursuit. I know you’re busy. What is ONE thing you can do just for you? I provide some great examples on the podcast. Empathize with your athlete and vent with your friends. We have great examples of how this works in the community – a huge help! Remove yourself from the emotional roller coaster of their sport. Find neutral. We spend time on this in the community with the parents. It can be hard, but once you make the shift, it’s a game changer. Stop asking questions about their sport in the car. If they bring it up, then ask them open ended questions. Send me a DM for the list of 50 questions to help you implement this one. The drive you have for them to succeed, be the person you want them to be. Write down a list of the things that you want for your kids. Then look at the list and find which of those traits aren’t your strong suit. Where can you make progress? Spend the time working on those things. Listen for examples to help you get started. You’ll be amazed at the difference you see when you make these shifts. If you want the entire 3 step method for parents, . (It’s free!) If your athlete is ready to work on overcoming their mental block with one on one coaching, head over to . /episode/index/show/performhappy/id/26888979