TOTAL MASSACRE

TOTAL MASSACRE is a science fiction and action movie podcast hosted by Rowan Kaiser, Kev Koeser, and Carli Velocci!

Bound 11/26/2024

Bound CRIME LESBIAN Month concludes with BOUND, The Wachowskis before-its-time erotic thriller from 1996. It's a well-loved movie for Rowan, Kev, special guest Alex Welch, and...wait, Carli doesn't like it? Well that just got spicy. Actually we're all very respectful and have a frank exchange of opinions about the Wachowskis' eggness, Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly's chemistry, Joey Pants kinda taking over the movie, two incredible death scenes, and an incredibly squeaky leather jacket. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/34152900

Love Lies Bleeding 11/15/2024

Love Lies Bleeding Critical support to women's wrongs, as Crime Lesbian Month continues with 2024's LOVE LIES BLEEDING. It's a nasty little thriller which shows how far Kristen Stewart has come as a weirdo since her TWILIGHT days, and Rowan, Kev, and Carli with special guest Stella Sacco are entirely on board for it. We talk about how it's a horny movie but not a sexy one, the wide variety of mullets on display, and what might have moved it into being a deeper movie but maybe not a better one. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/33939372

The Handmaiden 11/07/2024

The Handmaiden CRIME LESBIAN CRIME LESBIAN CRIME LESBIAN IT'S CRIME LESBIAN MONTH for Rowan's birthday, and we're kicking it off with Park Chan-Wook's lesbian thriller, THE HANDMAIDEN. Did it preface a decade of pop culture lesbians in the way OLDBOY did revenge action scenes in hallways? Is it one of Park's very best, or very worst, or both? How hot is that amateur dentistry? What's with that guy's eyebrows? Should pornography used as abuse be destroyed even if it's rare? No seriously, the mouth rubbing scene omg. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/33841922

Annihilation 10/25/2024

Annihilation October's cosmic horror month concludes with the reason for the season: ANNIHILATION (2018), a film all three hosts and special guest from RogerEbert.com and New York Magazine Matt Zoller Seitz all excited to get into it. We talk about what makes for a pure science fiction experience, differences between the book and the film, ANNIHILATION as the anti-blockbuster, deals with the fey, and of course, that goddamn bear. Hoo boy that bear. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/33610182

Color Out Of Space 10/18/2024

Color Out Of Space TOTAL MASSACRE goes back to Lovecraft as we discuss COLOR OUT OF SPACE. Listen to us discuss how much substance is really beneath the surface of this movie, how this modern take diverges from the very 80s FROM BEYOND, and of course a lot of Nic Cage talk. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/33510327

From Beyond 10/02/2024

From Beyond Cosmic horror month invades from another dimension, as TOTAL MASSACRE checks out Patreon suggestion FROM BEYOND, a 1986 adaptation of a Lovecraft short story with some of the gnarliest practical effects you've ever seen. Rowan, Kev, and Carli gather to investigate a scary old mansion filled with discussion of what cosmic horror means to us, why it's cool in spite of Lovecraft being a massive racist, how strong this movie's themes of kinkshaming are or aren't, mean old psychiatrist ladies, and headdicks, headdicks, headdicks! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/33294317

Train to Busan 09/26/2024

Train to Busan Zombie month concludes with a modern masterpiece of the genre, 2016's TRAIN TO BUSAN. It's a fast-paced, fast-zombie film that went viral in the streaming age, and Rowan, Carli, and special guest Bryant Francis are here to talk about why it totally deserved its acclaim. Uh, also, Kev is here and they didn't like it, so, surprise conflict amongst our survivors! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/33215082

Return of the Living Dead 09/20/2024

Return of the Living Dead Zombie month continues with RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, a nihilist zombie horror-comedy that's both as authentically punk and fake Hollywood punk as you can get. Either way, the energy is good, the special effects are good, the characters are good, and Rowan, Kev, and guest Zack Handlen are all here having a great time. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/33147467

Dawn of the Dead 09/11/2024

Dawn of the Dead It's zombie month over on TOTAL MASSACRE, as Rowan, Carli, and Kev all check out a classic we've never actually seen before, DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978). We invite horror fan Jack McDonald along, and talk about tremendous editing, the rarity of seeing the collapse from the side of the people in authority, capitalism, how cool Ken Foree is, the implicit and explicit discussion of race, and how horror movies struggle with endings in the most fascinating ways. Let's go ice skating together! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/33014207

Alien Resurrection 09/04/2024

Alien Resurrection TOTAL MASSACRE's Alien month concludes with the black sheep of the franchise that's the black sheep of franchises. ALIEN: RESURRECTION is widely considered the worst of the series or at least the original run, but what this podcast presupposes is: what if it's actually some weird, icky, goofy fun? Kev, Carli, and Rowan are all in agreement, as is special guests David Bednar, who runs down what actually makes for an Alien film, and why Avatar and Fargo both are but Alien 3 isn't. Rowan also mentions Babylon 5. Multiple times. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/32892032

Alien 3 08/22/2024

Alien 3 Alien month continues with yet another controversial, wildly visionary, endlessly compromised thriller with tremendous production design -- the first of that batch, David Fincher's ALIEN 3. It's a grim movie but a fun show, as Rowan, Kev, Carli, and new guest El Loughney discuss the massively different cuts, doomed production, how this all relates to Babylon 5, comedy xenomorph kills, and just how good Charles Dance and Charles Dutton are in this! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/32699047

Prometheus 08/14/2024

Prometheus It's Alien month here, and we're having a nice calm episode of TOTAL MASSACRE as we do a leisurely scientific expedition of 2012's PROMETHEUS, where nobody has strong opinions, nobody has an agenda, and definitely nobody dies horribly from excessive arrogance, and DEFINITELY nobody has to have a horrific alien abortion that also removes all subtext from the body! Carli, Kev, and Rowan are joined by resident Alien-liker Zack Handlen to talk about bad androids played well by bad people, characters announcing their motivations, extremely shiny toys, and the hubris of making the film, the hubris of the characters in the film, and the hubris of us trying to discuss the film. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/32579447

Independence Day 07/03/2024

Independence Day July is Will Smith month for TOTAL MASSACRE, so of course we have to start with INDEPENDENCE DAY, a film that was completely ubiquitous in 1996 and has kind of shockingly faded from public view given that it was THAT big and also it's pretty damn good? Cities are supposed to blow up, and they blow up. Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, and Will Smith are present and good actors, and they act good and charming. Randy Quaid is....also there. Rowan, Kev, and our good friend Madi are here to discuss every part of this film, except for the incredibly awesome/terrible 90s credit animations, which Rowan forgot to mention on the show and is clearing up here. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/32008032

The Man Who Fell To Earth 06/20/2024

The Man Who Fell To Earth This episode is funny because we spend the first 3/4s of it talking about an incredibly interesting, strange, 70s film starring David Bowie at one of the peaks of his David Bowie-ness, and then also we mention that the movie kinda sucks. It's THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH, with Rowan, Kev, Carli, and returning guest Jack McDonald! Assassination crash helmets! Too Many Televisions! Rip Torn's penis! This is a movie that has it all except connecting tissue, or any action scenes! It is certainly a movie! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/31820282

Invasion of the Body Snatchers 06/14/2024

Invasion of the Body Snatchers It's 70s sci-fi month here at TOTAL MASSACRE, as we open with INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS, a delightful science fiction take on the paranoid thrillers of the era. How fine is Donald Sutherland's moustache? Is San Francisco an incredibly accurate setting for this film? How are the themes so solid and so amorphous? And ain't it cool with the bodies gloop out? /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/31742592

Speed Racer 05/29/2024

Speed Racer Our formative movie May ends with SPEED RACER, the Wachowskis' then-panned, now cult classic of color and sound and explosion and anti-corporatism. It's Kev's pick for a movie that made them love movies, and they're joined by fellow superfan Grace Robertson, Carli, and Rowan watching it for the very first time, to talk about why it's stuck around, why it came out at exactly the wrong time, how the Wachowskis' Gen X libertarianism may undercut some of its themes, Christina Ricci with grease on her face, and cars going boom. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/31523657

Brazil 05/22/2024

Brazil Our origin story month continues with BRAZIL, Terry Gilliam's masterpiece of dystopia, satire, fascism, and air ducts that helped inspire Carli and somehow Kev hadn't seen?!? We talk about terrorism, masculinity, production, fantastic British actors, Terry Gilliam's mixed reputation, and so much more. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/31426182

Moon 05/15/2024

Moon TOTAL MASSACRE returns after a quick break with MOON, the Duncan Jones film Rowan selected as the movie important to how and why she's on this podcast. We've got all kinds of Sam Rockwell content as well as Rowan explaining the three main forms of Hollywood science fiction, and how Moon changed her perception of what seemed to be possible. Plus special guest Christy Admiraal. Also cute robot emoji! Also a problematic robot voice..... /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/31329402

Asteroid City 04/24/2024

Asteroid City Yeah that's right we're doing a Wes Anderson movie on TOTAL MASSACRE. And after Fantastic Mr. Fox it's our SECOND Wes Anderson movie. That's just how much Rowan and Kev love ASTEROID CITY, our final pick for SF Comedy Movie April. We also have special guest Kris Lorischild who loves Wes Anderson....less. It's a fun discussion where we discuss the limits or benefits of artificiality, aliens as a metaphor, star after star just killing it, and of course, that we're all deeply emotionally wounded people. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30962858

Galaxy Quest 04/17/2024

Galaxy Quest By Grabthar's Hammer...it's TOTAL MASSACRE on Galaxy Quest! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30875243

Back to the Future 04/10/2024

Back to the Future Science fiction comedy month starts off with BACK TO THE FUTURE, Robert Zemeckis' smash 80s hit. Rowan, Carli, and Kev are rejoined by Mike Williams to discuss whether this was the first Marvel movie, how damn good Michael J Fox is, the difficult tightrope of making a family-friendly movie about American history and of course, time-travel incest. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30772433

Shin Godzilla 03/27/2024

Shin Godzilla Conference rooms! Meetings! Political machinations! Scientific breakthroughs! And a giant fucking monster with lasers shooting out of his back! It's SHIN GODZILLA time here on TOTAL MASSACRE, as Carli, Rowan, and Kev are joined by Gojira fan Alex Kazanas to discuss this extremely 2014 and also compelling look at what if Godzilla had consequences? Also the main character is named Rando, that's pretty sweet. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30554963

Nope 03/21/2024

Nope Modern Monster Movie March continues with Jordan Peele's magnificent 2022 film NOPE, one of the most beloved films we've discussed on TOTAL MASSACRE! Rowan, Kev, and Carli are rejoined by Ellie Warren to talk about what to do with films where there's 16 different metaphors at once, Stephen Yuen stealing the show a bit too literally, and a truly magnificent monster both inside and out. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30473448

The Host 03/14/2024

The Host It's time for Modern Monster Movie March! We open with Bong Joon-Ho's breakthrough 2007 classic, THE HOST! Rowan, Kev, Carli, and Carli's fiance Bryant get together to talk about what Korean cinema does and how this film its, how fucking rad Bae Doona is, how fucking rad Song Kang-Ho is, how fucking bad America is, and a heartwarming story of child alcoholism. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30369443

Resident Evil 02/29/2024

Resident Evil Get ready to run up a wall and kick a zombie dog in joy, as this week Madi Emenheiser joins us to close out Schlockuary with Paul W. S. Anderson’s RESIDENT EVIL! Is this cinema’s most memorable death laser grid? Is it possible to tell all the brawny white guys apart? Should Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez have kissed? Answers to all these questions and more in our latest episode! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30179358

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning 02/14/2024

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning What is the nature of memory, and how fuckin' rad is it to have a swordfight with two metal baseball bats? These are the deep philosophical questions asked by the magnificent DTV action schlockfest UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING. We invite number one Jean-Claude Van Damme superscholar Abby Waysdorf on board to join Kev, Rowan, and Carli in dissecting a surprisingly great and influential action movie. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29912533

Nemesis 02/08/2024

Nemesis Number one NEMESIS superfan Joe Gibson joins Rowan, Carli, and Kev to talk about Albert Pyun's 1992 cyberpunk action film, as the first installment of our SCIFI ACTION SCHLOCK month. Is NEMESIS an underrated cult classic? 66.6% of our panel is down for that! There's action mudslides, improvised bullet elevators, and heads that open up to shoot guns, like come on. There's also a plot or something. It's messy. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29865828

Je t'aime, je t'aime 01/31/2024

Je t'aime, je t'aime TOTAL MASSACRE REQUEST LIVE month concludes with our friend Ryan Swen returning to JE T'AIME JE T'AIME, our first French movie! Our first science fiction movie from prior to the 80s! It's about science fiction and time travel through film editing, and it's a fascinating examination of one man's messed-up life, what it's like dating depressed girls, post-war trauma, and hilariously dry humor. It will always be three o'clock. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29738613

Casshern 01/24/2024

Casshern TOTAL REQUEST MASSACRE month continues with our good friend Brian Smawley's pick CASSHERN, billed as the first live-action anime adaptation! It's, uh, a lot, as Rowan and Kev join Chef Lu Bu to talk about cool masks, genocide, WWII guilt, adapting massive stories, and really cool hair! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29625433

Dark City 01/03/2024

Dark City It's a Patreon request special as TOTAL MASSACRE takes on 1998's DARK CITY! Is this the most 90s film in existence? Who is even the protagonist here? Is it even really science fiction? Wait, that leading man isn't a time-traveling Oscar Isaac? Carli, Kev, and Rowan are joined by special guest, artist David Bednar, to discuss! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29330113

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