Episode 11: All the Feels

What we resist persists!  We want to "allow" our feelings and here's how...

You're listening to the Love Tidbits Podcast, where you'll discover a small, tasty, delightful, bite-sized tidbit of love. I'm your host, LeAnn Austin 

Hey y'all, welcome to Love Tidbits, episode number 11: All the Feels  

I have three brothers, no sisters. And we have four sons, no daughters, until the last two years I've been blessed with two amazing daughter-in-laws. So for most of my life, I've pretty much been the only girl.  Not a lot of talk about feelings happened with all that testosterone in my house. However, when I started learning more about feelings a few years ago and figuring out that I actually had them, my life began to change. 

Feelings may sound mystical and strange, and many people are uncomfortable talking about them, but when we understand them, they become very useful to us. Feelings are why we do everything. We define a feeling as a vibration in the body, that's caused by a thought.  The difference between a feeling and a sensation; sensations are involuntary and start in the body. Feelings began in the brain in the form of a thought. We think a thought, and then the brain releases an appropriate chemical and that chemical vibrating through the body is what we call a feeling.

We all have hopes and desires for ourselves and the people around us, but what we really want are the positive feelings we believe we'll have once we get those things.  Instead of looking to control or change the people and things outside of us, let's take a look at what we're thinking and feeling. 

All right, think about what you want. And then go a layer deeper and ask yourself what you really, really want. Ask yourself how you believe you'll feel when you get what you want. Maybe it's accomplished, confident, proud, or whatever. In every case, it's the feeling you desire, and that's great news. When you consider that all of our feelings come from our thoughts, which we get to choose. 

As humans, we typically don't like the way negative emotions feel, so a lot of our behavior is an attempt to change or avoid them. Most people are unaware of what they're feeling most of the time, and certainly unable to label or describe their feelings. That was totally me. So, if you want to change your life, you must become aware of what you're feeling in the present moment.

We're not taught to feel our emotions.  Feeling is an ability that most of us need to learn because we're taught by the media and social conditioning to escape our emotions. We are even taught that positive emotions aren't enough by themselves. They need to be heightened by purchasing something or eating something or drinking something or viewing something, or a myriad of other things. 

So I'm going to teach you four things we do with uncomfortable emotions or feelings. The first thing we Resist, you know when you're clench your fist really tight, or you grit your teeth. I also heard resisting a feeling described as holding a beach ball under the water. It wants to pop up, but we hold it down building the pressure around it. The beach ball continues to build that pressure until ultimately it pops way up out of the water. What we resist persists. 

The second thing we do with uncomfortable feelings is React.  Yelling, screaming, crying is not the same as feeling. When we act out our emotions, we seem to be releasing something and feeling something, but we're often just acting them out and not processing or feeling them at all.  Feeling doesn't look like acting. A feeling is something you can do sitting in a chair and experiencing a subtle vibration. Reacting means we are allowing the emotion to drive us and we are operating at the effect of it. 

The third thing is to Avoid.  We escape or distract ourselves through some sort of buffer. For example, eating, shopping, working, exercising, scrolling, social media, drinking, drugs, etc. 

And the last thing, the fourth thing we do with an uncomfortable feeling or emotion, and this is the thing that we really want to do, is to Allow it.  Allowing a feeling or emotion is a skill that we need to learn and practice.

So how do we allow it? Well, first we name it. Just one word, for example, is it sad, glad, fear, frustrated, disappointed. If you're not sure Google emotions and you'll find a whole slew of them. After you name it with a word, you want to find it in your body and describe it. Where is it, is it in your chest and your belly in your throat? What does that feel like? Is it hot or cold? Buzzing, heavy, sticky, smooth? What color is it? Describe it. 

Then you want to relax into it, take a deep breath and allow it.  Relax your muscles and think about just holding that feeling inside of your body as long as necessary.  And then allow it, just sit with it. Hold it, notice it until it subsides. Think about carrying around a purse or backpack of your emotion. Or if you're in a car driving, you could think about setting this feeling in the seat next to you and having it come along with you. We can still do things even when we're feeling negative emotions.

Allowing your emotions is one of the most important skills you will ever learn. Once you are good at it, it can completely change your relationship with yourself and all the people you've come in contact with, because you won't be reactive. But rather the compassionate observer.  When we start becoming more conscious of our feelings, we'll spend more time observing ourselves. This may be a little awkward and might not come easily. But remember that feelings are harmless. A feeling is simply a vibration in our body and nothing more.  Feelings can be felt without taking any action or reacting at all. Our feelings are like a compass to keep our lives on track. When we learn how to allow them, instead of resisting them, there is nothing we can't handle.

Sometimes in our effort to be happy all the time, we stay away from discomfort that could help us evolve and inspire us to make our dreams come true. What if we were willing to fail epically and try courageously? What if we accepted that emotional balance means that 50% of the time we'll be on the other side of happy. That is the normal experience, a balance of positive and negative emotions. 

One of the most impactful quotes I've heard, that I don't always appreciate at the time, but I do believe it and have witnessed the results that happen when I feel it.  Is Brooke Castillo, one of my coaches and mentors says, "Discomfort is the price of growth."  Hmmm, something to think about. 

If you want to learn more about feelings, and how they can help you create the life you truly desire, check out my Lovin Me Program. It's only $29 a month and you can stop anytime. Our members are strengthening their emotional muscles and transforming their lives. Come join Lovin Me and become an expert at loving you.

Have a good one y'all, and here's to love and all the feels. 

If you would like to become an expert at loving yourself, check out my Lovin Me Program leannaustin.com