How To Show Up For Others
Grief Out Loud
"How do I help someone who is grieving?" This is the perennial question when it comes to showing up for people we care about after someone dies. Zack Wheat, a Board Certified Chaplain, knows more than most about what people who are grieving need - and don't need. Professionally, Zack knows about this from his work as a hospital chaplain for an inpatient palliative care team. He also knows about it from his time volunteering as a facilitator in peer grief support groups at Dougy Center. But, long before he was a hospital chaplain or a grief group facilitator, Zack learned about how to be there...
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Love Is Stronger - Interrupting Gun Violence
Grief Out Loud
is the founder of , an organization in Portland, OR dedicated to supporting gang-impacted families and communities in building healing, accountability, and safety. While Lionel and Love is Stronger focus on interrupting gun violence, this work is also rooted in grief. Lionel's uncle was shot and killed by the police in 1975. His cousin Donald was killed in 1999 by a rival gang. His mother died of a sudden illness when Lionel was 20. In the last two years, he went to over 40 funerals, many of those for young people killed by gun violence. We talk about: Lionel's early...
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Becoming A Cultural Kinkeeper
Grief Out Loud
What does it mean to be a cultural kinkeeper and how does that idea relate to grief? These are two of the questions we explore with , co-founder of , a platform meant to inspire people to collect and document family stories, recipes, and traditions. When Anika’s mom died suddenly in 2019, she realized just how much she didn’t know, not just about her mom, but also about their family history and cultural traditions. Root & Seed is Anika’s offering to help others have meaningful conversations with their family members in the hopes of recording those important stories and...
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The Grief Garden - Supporting Collective Grief
Grief Out Loud
As more opportunities for non-traditional grief support arise, it's no surprise that many of them are happening in historically marginalized communities who have not felt relevantly supported in those settings. co-created by , a multidisiciplinary artist, and Tiana Zabala, the garden manager at is the perfect example of this type of offering. The Grief Garden was designed to bring people together, in relationship with the outdoors, where they could engage with rest, movement, medicine making, and sound. Julia Mallory is a storyteller, writer, and artist who after the death of...
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When I Think Of Him, Love Is The Word That Comes Up - Pierce Freelon
Grief Out Loud
is a GRAMMY® nominated musician, author, and educator. He is also a son, a father, a husband, and an astute observer of life and grief and everything in between. Pierce was a caregiver for his father, , a renowed architect who died of ALS. He's also the author of the new children's book, Daddy and Me: Side by Side, a beautiful rendering of the times Pierce and his father spent in nature, and how Pierce is doing the same with his own son. A few hours before our interview, Pierce got word that a beloved professor from his time in graduate school, , had just died. In connection to both of...
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How Do I Keep Going Without Her? Kelly S. Thompson
Grief Out Loud
When and her older sister Meghan were children, they were close. Meghan was Kelly’s protector and constant as they moved around as a military family. Things shifted when Meghan hit adolescence and started using substances. Their connection disintegrated and they spent years barely in touch. When Meghan stopped using, they came back together and worked to rebuild trust and repair their relationship. Then, on the same day Meghan gave birth to her second child, she was diagnosed with a cancer that would end her life in less than two years. Kelly became her primary caregiver, going with...
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We Need Queer Specific Grief Spaces - Queer Grief Club & Jamie Thrower
Grief Out Loud
is a Queer death doula, end-of-life educator, and grief guide in Portland, OR. She is also the founder of the which provides inclusive non-traditional grief support offerings for those grieving both death and non-death losses. Jamie knows from her personal experience of grieving the deaths of her parents and her daughter, Birdie, who she and her wife lost in the second trimester, just how important it is for grief support to be reflective of identity, relationships, family constellations, and community. We get into: Grieving as a queer person right now and the importance of community...
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It Affects All Of My Relationships
Grief Out Loud
Even though most of us know and accept that grief doesn't have an end point, it can still be surprising to witness how much it impacts almost every aspect of our lives, including our relationships. This was true for Daniel, who was two days away from his 8th birthday when his father died of a brain tumor. When he was a kid, grief impacted Daniel's relationship with a sense of safety and security. As a young adult, it affected what he was looking for in his dating relationships. Throughout his life, it's shaped who and how he feels safe and comfortable connecting with. We discuss: What...
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I Took A Year Off To Grieve - Rebecca Feinglos & GrieveLeave
Grief Out Loud
What happens when you take a year away from your income generating work to focus completely on grief? This is the question faced at the end of 2021. Grief wasn't new to Rebecca. She was a teenager when her mother died of brain cancer. On the same day her state shut down due to the COVID pandemic, she got a call that her father had died suddenly. In the ensuing months, she ended her marriage. So, by the time she got to the end of 2021, she was exhausted and empty and unwell. It's common to wish the world would stop and give us a break when someone dies, but we usually dream of escaping from it...
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There's No End Point - Sushi Tuesdays & Charlotte Maya
Grief Out Loud
It's generally accepted that there's no official end point to grief, but what happens when there's also no end point to the questions about someone's death? life changed drastically when she came home from a hike with her two young children to find two police officers and a priest at her house, waiting with news that her husband Sam had died by suicide. In those early days of grief Charlotte dealt with sadness, anger, confusion, and the endless tasks that come when someone dies. She also faced the question, "Why?" Why did Sam do what he did? What was he going through? Why didn't he ask...
info_outlineAt the age of 27, Dr. Peg Sandeen faced an impossible request. Her husband, John, who was dying from HIV/AIDS, told Peg that he couldn’t stand the pain anymore and wanted her to help him end his life. It was the early 1990’s though and there was no legal avenue for Peg to help John in his wish to die with the dignity he had in life. Peg went on to get both a Master's and Ph.D. in social work. Throughout that time, the memory of John’s last wish motivated her to work towards changing the landscape for people facing the end of life. Dr. Sandeen is now the Executive Director of Death With Dignity, working in end-of-life advocacy and fighting for medical aid in dying laws across the U.S.
In our conversation we discuss:
- Meeting and falling in love with John
- Getting the news of John's HIV diagnosis
- How Hannah and John talked with their daughter Hannah about her father's illness
- The shame and stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS
- Caregiving for a dying husband as a young mother and wife
- The current state of right to die laws across the U.S.
- Moving from an intellectual to emotional understanding of grief
- Learning to support Hannah in her grief
Dr. Sandeen's HuffPost article: My Husband Asked Me to Help Him Die. I Couldn't Do It - and My Life Changed Forever