Acknowledging Grief and Loss in Adoption with Beth Tyson - Ep 96

In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, trauma expert Beth Tyson discusses the often overlooked and misdiagnosed effects of ambiguous loss on children in foster care and adoptive families, calling for greater awareness and emphasis on connection to mitigate the impacts of trauma.

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In this episode, you will be able to:

• Grasp the profound consequences of adoption trauma on children and families alike.

• Learn powerful ways to assist children during traumatic episodes.

• Recognize the vital importance of addressing grief and loss within the adoption journey.

• Identify the essential aspects of providing adoptees ongoing support.

• Tackle the challenges of forming and maintaining intricate family bonds in adopted families.

My special guest is Beth Tyson

Beth Tyson is a childhood trauma consultant, trainer, bestselling author, and public speaker who has dedicated her career to helping children and families affected by trauma. With a Master's degree in Clinical Counseling, she has worked with children in foster care, adoption, and kinship families to help them understand and cope with their experiences. Beth Tyson's passion for supporting these families has led her to create Connections Matter Academy, an animated short video series, and an award-winning children's picture book, "A Grand Family for Sullivan." By sharing her expertise with us, she aims to raise awareness about the impact of grief and loss in adoption and foster care systems, and help adoptive parents and community allies better understand adopted and fostered children's experiences.

The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Consider trauma-informed therapy for adoptees and foster youth. Find adoptee therapists here: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/

• Check out Beth Tyson's animated short video series, Connections Matter Academy: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5ud5wiGudHfma-G887gutw

• Get or gift her award-winning children's picture book, A Grandfamily for Sullivan: https://amzn.to/3OQfZ3D

• Find resources for aging-out foster youth at Connect Our Kids: ConnectOurKids.org

• Shift your perspective on ADHD and other behavioral labels as trauma responses rather than diseases. A good resource is Gabor Maté's new book The Myth of Normal: https://amzn.to/42jyqRm

• Join Beth Tyson’s private Facebook group Emotiminds: https://www.facebook.com/groups/emotiminds

• Connect with Beth Tyson on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bethtyson/

• Sign up for Beth Tyson’s newsletter and check out her website: www.bethtyson.com

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Other Resources:

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - OPLM.com

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents of Addicted Teens: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

• Find a Tele-Therapist: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/online-counseling

 

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube

Support UnravelingAdoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption

www.UnravelingAdoption.com

 

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Grief and Loss in Adoption
Adopting a child is a life-changing event, full of emotions including joy, excitement, love, and also grief and loss. It is vital to acknowledge and recognize that at various points in their lives, adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees will most likely experience a range of feelings associated with grief and loss. For adoptees, this could involve grappling with the concept of identity, the loss of a biological connection, or the struggle to fit in within their adoptive family. For adoptive parents, the potential experience of unmet expectations, challenges in bonding, or the weight of responsibility can bring about feelings of grief and loss. Open communication within the family, along with external resources and support, can help manage these emotions and create a healthier environment for all involved. Guest Beth Tyson shared her experience as a therapist and trauma educator and described how, despite having loving adoptive parents, she's worked with many adopted and fostered children and youth who experienced feelings of disconnection and grief. She emphasizes the importance of addressing the complexities that come with adoption and offering resources to help adoptees process their grief and loss. In doing so, families can create stronger bonds and promote a more positive adoption experience for everyone involved.

The Impact of Trauma on Children and Misdiagnosis of ADHD
Trauma experienced by children can sometimes result in misdiagnoses, most notably with ADHD. Children who have experienced trauma may exhibit behaviors consistent with those seen in ADHD, such as impulsivity or difficulty focusing, resulting in misinterpretation of their diagnosis. However, understanding the trauma symptoms correctly and addressing the underlying issues, rather than merely treating ADHD symptoms, can benefit the child's recovery process immensely. Beth Tyson highlights this potential trap of misdiagnosis, urging parents and caregivers to explore a child's complete history, life experiences, and feelings to better comprehend their behavior. In the episode, the two Beths - Tyson and Syverson - discuss the importance of co-regulation, emphasizing a caregiver's responsibility to create a safe, responsive, and nurturing environment for the child, thus promoting the child's ability to cope with their traumatic experiences.

Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction,
Host Beth Syverson introduces the podcast and guest Beth Tyson, a childhood trauma consultant, trainer, and author. They want to help those touched by adoption and to educate the public on adoption's complexities.

00:02:41 - Beth Tyson's Background,
Beth Tyson shares how she got involved in the foster and adoption systems, her experience dealing with trauma in children, and the impact of grief and loss on adoptees and foster youth.

00:06:07 - Ambiguous Loss,
Beth Tyson explains the concept of ambiguous loss, a type of grief that children in foster care and adoptive families experience when someone important to them is either physically or emotionally absent.

00:10:11 - Effects of Grief on Behavior,
The trauma caused by grief and loss can lead to behaviors such as anxiety, fight or flight response, physical and mental distress, and running away or freezing. Understanding these behaviors is crucial to providing support and avoiding stigmatization.

00:14:30 - Trauma Responses,
Trauma responses can manifest in fight, flight, or freeze behaviors, with children either running from their problems physically, being aggressive or acting out, or dissociating and disconnecting from reality. Understanding these responses is essential to providing support and healing for adoptees and foster youth.

00:14:57 - The Impact of Trauma on Children and Misdiagnosis of ADHD,
The labels of ADHD and other disorders can often be misdiagnosed in children who are experiencing trauma. Trauma can lead to dysregulation and children finding a way to relieve their pain. Trauma isn't just the big events, but also smaller emotional and relational things like emotional neglect.

00:18:20 - The Subjectivity of Trauma,
Trauma is subjective, meaning that what might be traumatic for one person may not be for another. Trauma can lead to a loss of trust and safety in the world around you, and this can lead to dysregulation and trauma responses. It's important to recognize the different types of trauma that can occur, not just the "big T" traumas.

00:22:03 - Building Trust and Connection,
The foundation for helping children who have experienced trauma is to increase their sense of safety and trust. Trauma can lead to a loss of trust, and this can cause dysregulation and trauma responses. Connection is key, and increasing a child's sense of safety can help them feel more secure in the world around them.

00:23:56 - De-escalating Meltdowns,
When a child is experiencing a meltdown or tantrum, it's important to try and de-escalate the situation. This can be done by staying calm and asking for support or help from someone who isn't emotionally invested in the situation. Riding out the arc of the meltdown is also important, as typically they dissipate after 20-30 minutes.

00:28:59 - Coping Strategies for Anxiety and Trauma,
Beth Tyson discusses how to interrupt anxious or frustrated behavior with soothing techniques, such as petting a soft animal. Animals can be incredibly healing and helpful for anxiety for children and adults.

00:30:38 - Valid Rage and Attachment,
Beth Tyson explains how children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) may push away caregivers out of a need for safety and how animals can be a stepping stone to building attachment. Additionally, she delves into the concept of valid rage and why adoptive and foster parents should not take it personally.

00:34:23 - Grief and Loss in Adoption,
Beth Tyson discusses the losses experienced by all members of the adoption triad, including adoptive parents, birth parents, and adoptees. She highlights the lack of support for birth parents and challenges adoptive parents to have empathy for birth parents.

00:39:55 - Adolescence and Trauma,
Beth Tyson explains why adolescence can be a breaking point for adoptive and foster children due to hormonal changes, increased access to substances, and higher expectations. She also highlights the developmental delays that can occur in children who have experienced early life trauma.

00:42:54 - Drug Use and Developmental Delays,
Beth Tyson talks about the impact of drug use on the emotional and mental development of children who have experienced trauma and how it can inhibit different brain functions. She also highlights the prevalence of drugs in elementary schools and the challenges of catching up on life experiences for families affected by substance use.

00:43:22 - The Impact of Trauma on Young People,
Beth Tyson and Beth Syverson discuss how young people cope with trauma, and how it differs from adults. Younger people are less able to think about long-term consequences, but with age, people develop other coping mechanisms or gain support to deal with trauma.

00:44:34 - Supporting Kinship Families,
Tyson explains that kinship families are those that take in a child they have previously had a relationship with. Often, these families are unsupported and lack resources. Tyson's book, A Grandfamily for Sullivan, aims to help kinship families understand their situation and give them coping mechanisms.

00:48:28 - Trauma-Informed Care,
Tyson works to train child welfare professionals in different states on trauma-informed and trauma-responsive care. This includes teaching them about the importance of connections and how they can help children who are aging out of foster care find and connect with extended family members or other supportive people.

00:51:11 - Connections Matter Academy,
The Connections Matter Academy is an animated series aimed at helping adolescents and young adults who have been in foster care understand trauma, cope with loss and grief, and build healthy relationships. Created by Tyson and 30 others with a history of foster care, the videos aim to help people understand that their current situation is not their fault.

00:56:53 - Finding Hope in Trauma,
Tyson's work is focused on not just talking about the trauma people experience, but also finding hope.