From Ethiopia to America and Back Again: An Adoptee’s Fight for Justice with Mike Davis and Maureen McCauley - Ep 169
Unraveling Adoption
"I thought I'll go to the embassy and I'll clear this up. Yeah, that I was adopted legally and I was US citizen." -- Mike Davis READ THE TRANSCRIPT HERE: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Mike Davis, an intercountry adoptee whose story sheds light on the often-overlooked complexities of adoption, particularly regarding citizenship issues. Mike was adopted from Ethiopia at the age of eight by an African-American single father and grew up in the U.S. However, in the mid-1990s, he discovered that he was not a U.S. citizen,...
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Educating the Next Generation: Adoption Messages in Children's Books with Allison Olson - Ep 168
Unraveling Adoption
"I can read a book and tell you if it's written by an adoptee, written by an adoptive parent or written by somebody who's just a famous author and someone told him to write about adoption and they know nothing about it." -- Allison Olson EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Allison Olson, an adoptee and adoptive parent who has made significant contributions to children's literature on adoption. We explored her personal adoption story, which began in 1979 when she was adopted as a baby in a closed adoption, and how her experiences shaped...
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Creative Paths to Healing Childhood Trauma with Jonathan Moon - Ep 167
Unraveling Adoption
“I'm telling all the skeptics who may be listening, just go in there with an open mind because you're not going to lose anything. You have so much more to gain.” - Jonathan Moon EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Jonathan Moon, an adopted person who has navigated the complexities of relinquishment and adoption trauma. Jonathan's journey began in Korea, where he faced significant challenges as a child, including living on the streets and experiencing significant instability. He was adopted to the U.S. at the age of nine and...
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The Realities of Open Adoption with a Mother-Daughter Duo with Linda and Belle Sexton - Ep 166
Unraveling Adoption
"I think my mom does a great job addressing this in the book, but open adoption is not without its challenges." - Belle Sexton Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the honor of speaking with Linda R. Sexton, an adoptive mom and author, and her 25-year-old daughter, Belle. This marks our first mother-daughter duo on the podcast, offering a unique perspective on open adoption. Linda R. Sexton is an author, speaker and blogger. She is an adoptive mom of two children, both in open arrangements, and is the author of the award-winning book, . The story is told with frank...
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The Intersection of Politics and Adoption with Mark H. - Ep 165
Unraveling Adoption
"The way that fascism triumphs is if everyone goes silent and becomes quiescent." - Mark H. EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I, Beth Syverson, welcome Mark, a transracial adoptee from Korea and a passionate advocate for adoption-related issues. Together, we delve into the often-overlooked intersection of politics and adoption, particularly in the context of the upcoming U.S. presidential election. As an adoptive mom of a 20-year-old son, Joey, who is navigating his own path, I feel a deep responsibility to address the complexities surrounding adoption and how they...
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Unpacking Adoption Trauma: Insights from an Adoptive Parent with Stacey Uhrig - Ep 164
Unraveling Adoption
“They [our kids] can't be more regulated than you are. They can only be as regulated as the least regulated person in the house.” - Stacey Uhrig EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Stacey Uhrig, an adoptive parent and certified trauma recovery coach. Stacey shared her journey into adoption, which began after her own struggles with infertility. She emphasized the emotional complexities and challenges that come with adoption, particularly the trauma that both adoptees and adoptive parents may face. Stacey discussed her...
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Personal Trust Communities in Adoption with Mike Thorne - Ep 163
Unraveling Adoption
"When I was nine years old,...my parents just looked at each other and looked back at me and said, Michael, we just want to tell you that we love you very much and that you're adopted." -- Mike Thorne =============== 📘Get our new book Adoption and Suicidality: 📆 Community Calendar: ✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: 💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: ============== EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Mike Thorne, an adoptee and community leader. Mike shared his journey of discovering his adoption...
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The Importance of Adoptee-Led Initiatives with Jessica M. Luciere - Ep 162
Unraveling Adoption
"I tell every adopted person that I meet that their story changes my own story. And it's the truth. It is the absolute truth." - Jessica M. Luciere In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson interviews Jessica M. Luciere, an inter-country, interracial adoptee from Colombia who works at Spence Chapin, a nonprofit adoption agency. Jessica shares her personal adoption story and highlights the importance of adoptee-led initiatives in the adoption community. She discusses the programming she has created at Spence Chapin, including Voices of Adoption for adoptees over 18 and...
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Shedding Light on Children of Priests with Brendan Watkins - Ep 161
Unraveling Adoption
"The Church, of course, is doing everything it can to silence victims." - Brendan Watkins EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, the host, Beth Syverson, interviews Brendan Watkins, an Australian adoptee who shares his emotional journey of discovering his origin story filled with religious intrigue. Brendan found out that his birth mother became pregnant in the 1950s and relinquished him for adoption, and later became a nun. He then discovered that his birth father was a Catholic priest. Brendan's memoir, Tell No One, sheds light on the challenges faced by children of priests...
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Homeschooling Complexities for Adopted Children with Rae (Adoptee Reclaimed) - Ep 160
Unraveling Adoption
"I never learned the word stress until I was 14 years old. And I can guarantee you I was very stressed well before the age of 14." -- Rae =============== 📘 Order our book Adoption and Suicidality: 📆 Community Calendar: ✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: 💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: =============== EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson interviews Rae, whose handle is Adoptee Reclaimed. Rae discusses how being homeschooled from kindergarten through high school in a conservative family led to feelings of isolation...
info_outlineComing Out of the Fog with Melissa Brunetti
"As an adoptee, you want to be wanted. I thought, well, shoot, if I don't take this guy, I don't know if anyone else is going to come along." - Melissa Brunetti
Even though Melissa was an adoptee with a FABULOUS adoptive family, she realized that she was "in the fog" of adoption trauma in mid-life. In this episode, we delve into Melissa's heart-wrenching quest to unravel the mysteries of who she is, her traumatic relinquishment and reunion story, and her healing path.
📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
In this episode, you will be able to:
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Engage with a firsthand account elevating an adult adoptee's voice
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Appreciate the empowering role of support networks within the adoption community.
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Delve into the intriguing, sometimes challenging quest for personal identity.
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Grasp how novel healing modalities can bolster adoptees' emotional resilience.
My special guest is Melissa Brunetti
Melissa Brunetti hails from the heart of California, where she not only navigates the complexities of life as a domestic adoptee but also helps others on their paths as well. Having once navigated the societal expectations to perfection - marriage, children and career included - Melissa had hit a rather low point around her 40th birthday and realized there was more to life than just ticking boxes. This realization transformed her life and she has been sharing her valuable insights on her podcast 'Mind Your Own Karma the Adoption Chronicles'. Additionally, Melissa's leadership contributions at Fireside Adoptees have been commendable as she continues to spread awareness around the intricacies of adoption.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
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Check out Melissa's podcast, Mind Your Own Karma the Adoption Chronicles, to hear more stories and insights related to adoption: https://www.mindyourownkarma.com/
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Visit Fireside Adoptees to learn more about the work that Melissa is doing on their leadership team: https://www.facebook.com/fireside.adoptees.and.allies
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Watch the Fireside adoptees constellation roundtable hosted by Melissa, featuring a birth parent, an adoptive parent (Beth Syverson, this podcast's host) and an adoptee, to gain perspectives from different members of the adoption constellation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7NP310pCVA&t=3224s
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Listen to the episode of Melissa's podcast where Beth Syverson was a guest, discussing the adoptive parent's perspective: https://www.mindyourownkarma.com/podcast/episode/25330945/s2e47-adoptive-parent-beth-syverson-what-every-adoptive-parent-should-know
Other Resources:
- APtitude: A Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption's Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
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Other Parents Like Me - https://www.facebook.com/other.parents.like.me
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Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents of Addicted Teens: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
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Find a Tele-Therapist: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/online-counseling
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Unraveling Adoption is created by Joseph Nakao and Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Cover art by Joseph Nakao, photo by Beth Syverson
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube
Support Safe Home on Patreon: Patreon.com/SafeHome
===============
Unique experiences of adoptees -
Each adoption journey is unique, with adoptees experiencing a distinctive mix of emotions, challenges, and triumphs. Understanding these distinctive experiences helps to demystify the complex realities of adoption and raises awareness of the varied perspectives within the adoption community. Appreciating these individual journeys fosters empathy and validation, which are crucial for the emotional well-being of adoptees.
Mutual support and validation -
The universal need for support and validation is amplified in the adoption community. Adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents all benefit from shared experiences and collective understanding. By fostering an environment of empathy, encouragement, and mutual respect, adoptees can better navigate their unique circumstances, validate their experiences, and find solidarity within the adoption community.
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:01:11 - Melissa's Adoption Story,
Melissa shares her adoption story, explaining that she was born in the Baby Scoop Era and was placed in foster care before being adopted at ten weeks old. Despite having great adoptive parents, Melissa struggled with self-esteem and unhappiness throughout her life.
00:05:45 - Positive Adoption Experience,
Melissa expresses her gratitude for having wonderful adoptive parents who supported her. However, she still felt the effects of adoption, such as fear and a loss of identity. She also discusses her health issues and how her mother believes the adoption agency failed to disclose them.
00:08:13 - Losing Herself,
Melissa reflects on how she always did what was expected of her, never considering her own wants and needs. She shares that she latched onto the first person who wanted her and eventually married him. However, she became increasingly unhappy and lost touch with her true self.
00:09:41 - Coming Out of the Fog,
Melissa discusses her mental and physical health decline, which led to feelings of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. After hitting rock bottom, she decided to fight her way back to herself and start living a more authentic life. She also mentions her current relationship and the growth she has experienced
00:12:56 - Initial Rejection and Reunion,
Melissa discusses her initial reaction to her birth mother giving her a book about adoption and the subsequent reunion with her birth mother. She shares her feelings of anger and confusion, as well as the challenges of navigating a new relationship with her birth mother while maintaining her strong bond with her adoptive mother.
00:14:28 - Challenging Expectations and Secondary Rejection,
Melissa explores the expectations her birth mother had for their relationship and how they differed from her own expectations. She shares her experience of receiving a letter from her birth mother ending their relationship and the feelings of personal rejection and sadness that followed.
00:16:01 - Lack of Adoption Resources and Guidance,
Melissa reflects on the lack of resources and support she had during her adoption journey, including not knowing about the concept of the "primal wound" or the impact it could have on her. She also discusses the common societal belief that having great adoptive parents automatically guarantees a happy and fulfilled life.
00:17:27 - Other Birth Relatives and Limited Connections,
Melissa shares that she is in touch with some of her birth siblings, but had limited connection with her biological father before he passed away. She discusses the surface-level nature of their relationship and the challenges of building deeper connections with birth relatives.
00:18:55 - Discovering the Adoption Community and Pivoting the Podcast,
Melissa reveals that she only recently discovered the adoption community and the different perspectives within the adoption triad.
00:25:45 - Creating a Safe Space on Fireside,
Melissa shares how Fireside provides a safe space for adoptees to share their stories, vent, and discuss various topics. The platform allows for anonymity and flexibility, fostering a sense of community and support for adoptees.
00:26:11 - Empowering Adoptees' Voices,
Melissa expresses the importance of adoptees having a voice without fear of rejection or abandonment. Being able to freely express oneself and have autonomy is crucial for their well-being and personal growth.
00:27:06 - The Journey to Self-Consultation,
Melissa reflects on the wish to have known that self-consultation and self-expression were valid and acceptable at a younger age. Overcoming the fear of displeasing others and prioritizing one's own needs is a common struggle for adoptees, particularly women.
00:28:18 - Authenticity and Relationships,
Melissa shares her personal experience of being authentic and facing resistance from her son during her divorce. Despite initially straining their relationship, her son eventually came to accept and understand her decision to prioritize her own well-being.
00:29:28 - Healing in Adoption,
Melissa discusses her focus on the healing aspect of adoption and her plans to pursue somatic hypnosis training. She believes that traditional therapy may not fully address the unique needs of adoptees and aims to provide alternative approaches to support their healing journey.