Adoption in India: Insights from an Adoptee Therapist with Dr. Asra Ali - Ep 180
Unraveling Adoption
"It's a deep rooted fear of every adoptive parent that the parent will get rejected." - Dr. Asra Ali Read the transcript of this episode here: =============== Join Unraveling Adoption's in-person Adoption Healing Quest in Seal Beach, CA on February 8, 2025. More info and registration here: =============== EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Dr. Asra Ali, an adoptee from India whose adoption was facilitated by Mother Teresa. Dr. Asra shared her unique adoption story, highlighting the positive experiences she had growing up in a loving...
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From Secrets to Self-Discovery: A Late Discovery Adoptee’s Story with Brad Ewell - Ep 179
Unraveling Adoption
"I was able to kind of reinvent myself into who I probably would have been at some level had I not been adopted." -- Brad Ewell Read the transcript: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the honor of speaking with Brad Ewell, a late discovery adoptee (LDA) who learned about his adoption at the age of 48. Brad shared his shocking journey of self-discovery after taking an ancestry DNA test, which revealed a truth that had been hidden from him for nearly five decades. He discussed the confusion and betrayal he felt upon learning that everyone around him had known he was...
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REPLAY Behind the Scenes of Because She's Adopted: A Filmmaker's Journey with Kristal Parke - Ep 178
Unraveling Adoption
"I truly felt the weight of the world telling the story. I felt like it was a great responsibility, but I had to do it." -- Kristal Parke Read the Transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JG7AR0SN4Y6M7WW6E7WEK0AT EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Kristal Parke, a talented filmmaker and adoptee, about her acclaimed documentary, Because She's Adopted. As we kick off 2025, we are excited to offer a replay of our conversation, which dives deep into the complexities of adoption and the personal journey Kristal undertook while...
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From Control to Acceptance: Parenting Through Grief with Jessica Fein - Ep 177
Unraveling Adoption
"We followed her lead. And so there was a lot of laughter and there was a lot of beauty." -- Jessica Fein Read the episode transcript here: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Jessica Fein, an adoptive mother and author of the memoir Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes. Jessica shares her family's deeply moving and complex journey through adoption and the heartbreaking experience of losing her middle child, Dalia, to a rare genetic disorder. We began by discussing Jessica's family's path to adoption, which was...
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Unraveling the Layers of Childhood Trauma with Ron Jenkins - Ep 176
Unraveling Adoption
"I didn't realize how strong I was until, you know, I got into therapy and started to understand all the things that I've overcome." - Ron Jenkins Read the transcript of this episode here: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the privilege of speaking with Ron Jenkins, a remarkable individual whose journey through the complexities of foster care and adoption is both harrowing and inspiring. Ron's story begins with the tragic loss of his mother as a young child, leading him and his siblings into the foster care system. He was eventually adopted by a woman who, rather...
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Abortion and Adoption: Insights from Sociological Research with Gretchen Sisson - Ep 175
Unraveling Adoption
"I use the language of supply and demand because this is a market-based system and it's uncomfortable for a lot of people, right? Because you're talking about a supply and demand of human beings." -- Gretchen Sisson Read the transcript here: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Gretchen Sisson, the author of the acclaimed book Relinquished: The Politics of Adoption and the Privilege of American Motherhood. Gretchen's work stems from a decade-long qualitative sociological study that delves into the experiences of relinquishing...
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Navigating Identity: A Korean Adoptee's Journey with Nathan Nowack - Ep 174
Unraveling Adoption
"I...sometimes I forget that I'm Asian unless I see myself in a mirror." -- Nathan Nowack Read the Transcript: EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Nathan Nowack, a Korean adoptee, professional photographer, and co-host of The Janchi Show. Nathan shared his adoption story, having been adopted from Korea at just five and a half months old and raised in a predominantly white community in Oklahoma. He reflected on his childhood, noting the lack of cultural representation and the challenges of navigating his Asian identity in a world that...
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Adoption Songs: Exploring the Complexities of Adoption Through Music with Lori Evans Ermi and Kate Ermi
Unraveling Adoption
"I think now that we have this knowledge, then we can use our story to help create awareness." - Lori Evans Ermi Read the transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01JDRMT4Z5RGJ6SD35WBFBT4PM EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of welcoming Lori Evans Ermi and her 17-year-old daughter, Kate Ermi, both of whom are adoptees and co-wrote their new book, Adoption Songs. Our conversation delved into the complexities of adoption from their unique perspectives, highlighting the emotional layers that come with their experiences. Lori shared her journey as a...
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The Male Adoptee Experience: Understanding Anger, Vulnerability, and Community with Tim Perdion - Ep 172
Unraveling Adoption
"I almost feel like there was a blueprint, and I was a character to fit into that blueprint." -- Tim Perdion Episode Summary: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the opportunity to speak with Tim Perdion, an adoptee from Ohio who has spent the last decade navigating his journey of self-discovery and healing. Tim shares his experience of being adopted shortly after birth and the feelings of not belonging that plagued him throughout his childhood. Despite growing up in a loving family, he struggled with anger and a sense of isolation, which led him to seek validation through sports and...
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The Plants Are Calling for the Adoption Constellation with Mee Ok Icaro - Ep 171
Unraveling Adoption
"The plants are always turning everything upside down because our culture is upside down." -- Mee Ok Icaro EPISODE SUMMARY: In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I, Beth Syverson, welcome back Mee Ok Icaro, a previous guest who has shared her profound insights on adoption and healing through plant medicine. This episode is particularly special as we recorded as we prepared for an ayahuasca retreat in Costa Rica, where I participated in my first ceremony under Mee Ok’s guidance. We begin by discussing our feelings as the retreat approaches. I express my excitement mixed with a hint of fear,...
info_outlineComing Out of the Fog with Melissa Brunetti
"As an adoptee, you want to be wanted. I thought, well, shoot, if I don't take this guy, I don't know if anyone else is going to come along." - Melissa Brunetti
Even though Melissa was an adoptee with a FABULOUS adoptive family, she realized that she was "in the fog" of adoption trauma in mid-life. In this episode, we delve into Melissa's heart-wrenching quest to unravel the mysteries of who she is, her traumatic relinquishment and reunion story, and her healing path.
📆 Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
💌Sign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
In this episode, you will be able to:
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Engage with a firsthand account elevating an adult adoptee's voice
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Appreciate the empowering role of support networks within the adoption community.
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Delve into the intriguing, sometimes challenging quest for personal identity.
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Grasp how novel healing modalities can bolster adoptees' emotional resilience.
My special guest is Melissa Brunetti
Melissa Brunetti hails from the heart of California, where she not only navigates the complexities of life as a domestic adoptee but also helps others on their paths as well. Having once navigated the societal expectations to perfection - marriage, children and career included - Melissa had hit a rather low point around her 40th birthday and realized there was more to life than just ticking boxes. This realization transformed her life and she has been sharing her valuable insights on her podcast 'Mind Your Own Karma the Adoption Chronicles'. Additionally, Melissa's leadership contributions at Fireside Adoptees have been commendable as she continues to spread awareness around the intricacies of adoption.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
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Check out Melissa's podcast, Mind Your Own Karma the Adoption Chronicles, to hear more stories and insights related to adoption: https://www.mindyourownkarma.com/
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Visit Fireside Adoptees to learn more about the work that Melissa is doing on their leadership team: https://www.facebook.com/fireside.adoptees.and.allies
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Watch the Fireside adoptees constellation roundtable hosted by Melissa, featuring a birth parent, an adoptive parent (Beth Syverson, this podcast's host) and an adoptee, to gain perspectives from different members of the adoption constellation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7NP310pCVA&t=3224s
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Listen to the episode of Melissa's podcast where Beth Syverson was a guest, discussing the adoptive parent's perspective: https://www.mindyourownkarma.com/podcast/episode/25330945/s2e47-adoptive-parent-beth-syverson-what-every-adoptive-parent-should-know
Other Resources:
- APtitude: A Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption's Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
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Other Parents Like Me - https://www.facebook.com/other.parents.like.me
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Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents of Addicted Teens: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
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Find a Tele-Therapist: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/online-counseling
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Unraveling Adoption is created by Joseph Nakao and Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Cover art by Joseph Nakao, photo by Beth Syverson
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube
Support Safe Home on Patreon: Patreon.com/SafeHome
===============
Unique experiences of adoptees -
Each adoption journey is unique, with adoptees experiencing a distinctive mix of emotions, challenges, and triumphs. Understanding these distinctive experiences helps to demystify the complex realities of adoption and raises awareness of the varied perspectives within the adoption community. Appreciating these individual journeys fosters empathy and validation, which are crucial for the emotional well-being of adoptees.
Mutual support and validation -
The universal need for support and validation is amplified in the adoption community. Adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents all benefit from shared experiences and collective understanding. By fostering an environment of empathy, encouragement, and mutual respect, adoptees can better navigate their unique circumstances, validate their experiences, and find solidarity within the adoption community.
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:01:11 - Melissa's Adoption Story,
Melissa shares her adoption story, explaining that she was born in the Baby Scoop Era and was placed in foster care before being adopted at ten weeks old. Despite having great adoptive parents, Melissa struggled with self-esteem and unhappiness throughout her life.
00:05:45 - Positive Adoption Experience,
Melissa expresses her gratitude for having wonderful adoptive parents who supported her. However, she still felt the effects of adoption, such as fear and a loss of identity. She also discusses her health issues and how her mother believes the adoption agency failed to disclose them.
00:08:13 - Losing Herself,
Melissa reflects on how she always did what was expected of her, never considering her own wants and needs. She shares that she latched onto the first person who wanted her and eventually married him. However, she became increasingly unhappy and lost touch with her true self.
00:09:41 - Coming Out of the Fog,
Melissa discusses her mental and physical health decline, which led to feelings of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. After hitting rock bottom, she decided to fight her way back to herself and start living a more authentic life. She also mentions her current relationship and the growth she has experienced
00:12:56 - Initial Rejection and Reunion,
Melissa discusses her initial reaction to her birth mother giving her a book about adoption and the subsequent reunion with her birth mother. She shares her feelings of anger and confusion, as well as the challenges of navigating a new relationship with her birth mother while maintaining her strong bond with her adoptive mother.
00:14:28 - Challenging Expectations and Secondary Rejection,
Melissa explores the expectations her birth mother had for their relationship and how they differed from her own expectations. She shares her experience of receiving a letter from her birth mother ending their relationship and the feelings of personal rejection and sadness that followed.
00:16:01 - Lack of Adoption Resources and Guidance,
Melissa reflects on the lack of resources and support she had during her adoption journey, including not knowing about the concept of the "primal wound" or the impact it could have on her. She also discusses the common societal belief that having great adoptive parents automatically guarantees a happy and fulfilled life.
00:17:27 - Other Birth Relatives and Limited Connections,
Melissa shares that she is in touch with some of her birth siblings, but had limited connection with her biological father before he passed away. She discusses the surface-level nature of their relationship and the challenges of building deeper connections with birth relatives.
00:18:55 - Discovering the Adoption Community and Pivoting the Podcast,
Melissa reveals that she only recently discovered the adoption community and the different perspectives within the adoption triad.
00:25:45 - Creating a Safe Space on Fireside,
Melissa shares how Fireside provides a safe space for adoptees to share their stories, vent, and discuss various topics. The platform allows for anonymity and flexibility, fostering a sense of community and support for adoptees.
00:26:11 - Empowering Adoptees' Voices,
Melissa expresses the importance of adoptees having a voice without fear of rejection or abandonment. Being able to freely express oneself and have autonomy is crucial for their well-being and personal growth.
00:27:06 - The Journey to Self-Consultation,
Melissa reflects on the wish to have known that self-consultation and self-expression were valid and acceptable at a younger age. Overcoming the fear of displeasing others and prioritizing one's own needs is a common struggle for adoptees, particularly women.
00:28:18 - Authenticity and Relationships,
Melissa shares her personal experience of being authentic and facing resistance from her son during her divorce. Despite initially straining their relationship, her son eventually came to accept and understand her decision to prioritize her own well-being.
00:29:28 - Healing in Adoption,
Melissa discusses her focus on the healing aspect of adoption and her plans to pursue somatic hypnosis training. She believes that traditional therapy may not fully address the unique needs of adoptees and aims to provide alternative approaches to support their healing journey.