Perspectives from a Former Foster Youth and Adoptive Parent with Alicia Murray - Ep 132

Love is an action. It's not always pink and it's not always red. Sometimes it gets black, sometimes it gets blue. But love is an action. - Alicia Murray

In this episode, you will be able to:

• Explore the challenges of foster care and adoption journeys.

• Discover the profound importance of sibling connections in adoption.

• Embrace the value of openness in adoption and birth family connections.

• Find out how to provide essential post-adoption services and support.

• Uncover the challenges and realities of adopting older children.

My special guest is Alicia Murray

Our guest, Alicia Murray, brings a wealth of firsthand experience in the adoption landscape. Having been adopted at the age of ten after navigating through seven different foster placements, Alicia's journey offers a unique perspective on the challenges of adoption, particularly when it comes to older children. With a background in psychology and a current role as a family support specialist, Alicia's insights are rooted in both personal experience and professional expertise. Her work in helping foster youth find permanency further solidifies her credibility as an advocate in the adoption community. Plus she's now an adoptive mom of two sibling toddlers herself. Alicia joins us to shed light on the realities and complexities of adopting older children, offering valuable knowledge and empathy to our discussion.

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✨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing

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The resources mentioned in this episode are:

• Email Alicia at [email protected] for any questions or inquiries about their programs and services.

• Visit AFFCNY.org to explore an array of resources, events, programs, and support groups for adoptive families, teens, and everyone involved in the adoption process.

• Find AFFCNY on Instagram as @AFFCNY, https://www.instagram.com/affcny/ ; and on Facebook as @Adoptive and Foster Family Coalition of New York, https://www.facebook.com/affcny

• Explore the resources and support provided by Wendy's Wonderful Kids, a nonprofit organization collaborating with AFFCNY to help older adopted youth find permanent placement: https://www.davethomasfoundation.org/our-programs/wendys-wonderful-kids/

• Beth's wonderful life coach, Heather Ross, has a podcast plus individual and group coaching: HeatherRossCoaching.com

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Embrace openness in adoption
A conversation with Alicia Murray unveils the transformative power of openness in adoption. She conveys a strong need for adoptive families to support a child’s connection with their biological roots, affirming it’s crucial for maintaining their sense of identity and well-being. With Alicia’s encouraging perspective, it becomes evident that embracing openness in adoption does not necessarily divide love but multiplies it, fostering a nurturing environment for the child's overall development.

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Other Resources:

• APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoption’s Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude

• Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com 

• Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/

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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson

Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao

Email questions or comments to [email protected]

Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube

Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption

Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com

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Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth Syverson introduces herself as an adoptive mom and certified coach. Guest, Alicia Murray, shares her experience of being adopted at age ten after multiple foster placements.

00:00:51 - Alicia's Foster Experience
Alicia describes her tumultuous experience of being in multiple foster placements and finally being adopted at age ten. She also shares the challenges of being separated from her brother and the difficulties in finding a permanent home.

00:04:17 - Reconnecting with Biological Family
Alicia recounts the complicated story of reconnecting with her biological family at the age of 13, including finding her grandmother's phone number in the yellow pages and the emotional reunion with her mother.

00:11:20 - Finding Purpose and Healing
Alicia shares her journey of healing and finding purpose through therapy, introspection, and pursuing a career in foster care and adoption. She reflects on how her own experiences have shaped her approach as a foster and adoptive parent.

00:13:37 - Fostering and Adoption Journey
Alicia discusses her initial intention to become a foster parent, her unexpected journey of adopting two siblings, and the challenges and joys of raising them as part of her own family.

00:14:07 - Importance of Open Adoption
Alicia discusses the benefits of openness in adoption for children, emphasizing the importance of knowing their lineage and feeling like a whole human as adults.

00:15:53 - Challenges of Closed Adoption
Alicia highlights the negative impact of closed adoptions, where adoptive parents cut off communication with the child once they become adults, leading to resentment and lack of trust.

00:17:33 - Building Relationships with Birth Parents
Alicia shares her experiences of maintaining a relationship with the birth mother and the challenges of navigating visits, emphasizing the importance of communication and respect in the co-parenting dynamic.

00:21:29 - Post-Adoption Support Services
Alicia explains her role as a family support specialist, providing post-adoptive families with a range of services and support, including therapy, groups, and resources, to help them navigate the complexities of adoption.

00:25:25 - Empathy and Triggering
Alicia discusses her personal experiences as an adoptee and foster child, and how it influences her empathy and approach to supporting adoptive families dealing with challenging situations.

00:27:51 - Challenges of Adoptive Parenting
Alicia discusses the challenges adoptive parents face, including the reality of dealing with issues such as sexual acting out, addiction, and trauma-related behaviors in older adopted children. She emphasizes the importance of being prepared and having realistic expectations.

00:29:29 - Impact of Relinquishment Trauma
Alicia highlights the lasting impact of relinquishment trauma on adopted children, regardless of when it occurred. She emphasizes the need for love and support, acknowledging that the journey may have ups and downs, but connection is crucial for healing.

00:30:19 - The Journey of Older Adopted Children
Beth shares her personal experience of navigating through challenging years with her adopted child and the transformation she witnessed as he's grown into adulthood. She stresses the importance of support and understanding for older adopted children, as well as the ongoing learning process for parents.

00:32:35 - Support for Adoptive Families
Alicia discusses the resources and support provided by her organization, AFFCNY, for adoptive parents, foster parents, and teens. She encourages listeners to explore the services available and consider contributing to the nonprofit organizations, AFFCNY, and Wendy's Wonderful Kids, to help support their initiatives.

00:33:46 - Importance of Inclusion and Support
Beth and Alicia express the importance of including the voices of older adopted children in conversations about adoption and advocating for their needs. They emphasize the significance of understanding the complexities of adoption and supporting organizations that work towards enhancing the lives of adoptees and foster youth.