Conscious Grieving - Claire Bidwell Smith, LCPC
Grief Out Loud
Maybe you're familiar with the phrase, "You can't go around grief, you have to go through it." Or, "You have to feel your feelings." If you're like a lot of people, you might cringe and also wonder, "What does that actually mean?" Grief isn't linear, and it's not something to get through - and yet, a lot of people appreciate having some sense of what to expect and what to do with it all. That's where new book, Conscious Grieving, comes in. Offered as a framework, not a formula, Claire suggests four ways to orient towards grief: entering, engaging, surrendering, and transforming. Claire...
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Caring For Young Widows In Nigeria - Diane Kalu
Grief Out Loud
In 2015, Diane Kalu was living in Nigeria with her husband and their three young children. One day, about eight weeks after the birth of their third child, Diane’s husband went to work and never returned. A few days later she got the news that he dad died. She was suddenly a widow, responsible for raising three children under the age of five, in a country with several widowhood customs and traditions that are harmful to women. Thankfully, Diane had her mother to help her survive those early days of widowhood. Then, about five years after her husband's death, Diane's mother also died....
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It's A Loss That's Hard To Talk About - Grieving A Friend
Grief Out Loud
Whenever Annette & Mel connect, there's always a third person in the mix. That third person is Amy, their friend and chosen family member who died in 2012 of pulmonary fibrosis. While they each had a unique friendship with her, both connections were formative and deep. When Amy died, Annette and Mel's friendship grew stronger, because of their shared grief. This episode is part of a series focused on grieving the death of a friend. As much as we decry there being a hierarchy of grief, most people still assume the death of a family member is harder than the death of a friend. In...
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Creating A Home For Grief - Laura Green
Grief Out Loud
What if there was a place you could go in your grief and be both perfect and broken? That's the kind of place dreamed up with her friend and co-founder, Sascha Demerjian. Together they created , a community space for people to explore grief through movement, conversation, creativity, and care. Since she was very young, Laura can remember being afraid of death. Afraid of losing everyone and everything she cared about, especially her mother. Three years after starting The Grief House, Laura had to face that biggest fear when her mother, Grace, died in the summer of 2023. We...
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“I Felt Like Half A Person” – On Becoming A Widow
Grief Out Loud
In an instant, Leslie went from sharing every aspect of life with her husband Ryan to feeling like half a person. Leslie, Ryan, their two young children, and their extended family were on vacation in California when Ryan told Leslie that something didn't feel right. He was rushed to the hospital where he died of a stroke and an aneurysym, leaving Leslie to figure out how to live their life without him. The people Leslie most wanted to talk to in her grief were other widows. This inspired her to start - a project to capture the stories of widows in the hopes of helping others feel less...
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Putting Grief On Hold - Channing Frye
Grief Out Loud
What happens when you put your grief on hold? In the summer of 2016, was riding high. After over a decade in the NBA, his team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, had won the Championship. Then, in the fall, he hit one of the lowest lows. His mother Karen died of cancer. Just a month later his father, Thomas, also died. Channing put his grief on hold to deal with the logistics of planning two funerals, supporting his family, and going back to work as a professional athlete. Eventually, with the help of his wife, his friends, and a therapist, Channing started to talk about and explore...
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The Dangers Of Pathologizing Grief - Dr. Donna Schuurman, EdD, FT
Grief Out Loud
Dr. Donna Schuurman is back - this time talking about the dangers of pathologizing grief. While the term "complicated grief" has been used in various grief settings for years, it wasn't until March of 2022 that made it into the DSM-5-TR - the Diagnostical & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - as an official diagnosis. This conversation explores the concerns Donna and others in the field share about the move to pathologize grief. We discuss: What Donna’s learned about grief working in the field for over 30 years How that work experience shapes her personal grief ...
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Can They Even Understand? - Preschoolers & Grief
Grief Out Loud
When Sat Kaur Khalsa, MSW, was three, her older brother died in a drowning accident. After his death, he continued to disappear - his photos were taken down and no one talked about him. As she grew up, she learned the implicit lesson to be a good kid because her parents were already dealing with enough. She also learned that grief wasn't something you talked about or shared with others. Now, as an adult, she's working to make sure kids her age get to have a different experience. Sat Kaur is the Family Services Coordinator at where she supports children of all ages and their families after a...
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Becoming Grief-Informed- Dr. Donna Schuurman & Dr. Monique Mitchell
Grief Out Loud
What does it mean to be grief-informed? In 2020, Dr. Donna Schuurman, EdD, FT, and Dr. Monique Mitchell, PhD, FT, authored the paper, ," which outlines: what it means to be grief-informed, why it's so important, and Dougy Center's . This paper is based on the foundational understanding of grief as a natural and normal response to loss that is interwoven into a sociocultural context. It recognizes grief not as an experience that needs to be fixed, treated, or pathologized, but one that deserves understanding, support, and community. , is the Senior Director of Advocacy & Education at...
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The Realities of Black Grief – Doneila McIntosh, M.Div., M.A.
Grief Out Loud
The reality for Black individuals and families living in the U.S. is that death happens more often and earlier on than for their white counterparts. In the last two decades, these higher rates of mortality resulted in 1.63 million excess deaths for Black Americans compared to white Americans. Doneila McIntosh brings her personal and professional experiences with this reality to her work as a researcher studying the intersections of disenfranchised grief among African American families. Disenfranchised grief occurs when a loss isn't recognized or seen as valid, often the result of stigma. The...
info_outlineValentine's Day is one of the many holidays that shift and change while grieving. As with so many other holidays, the lead-up can be really hard. Advertisements and casual conversations about plans can leave grieving people left out, or eager to flee.
In this episode of Grief Out Loud, Jana and Brendon talk about strategies for approaching Valentine's Day in a way that opens up space to express love and appreciation.
Some ideas mentioned in this episode:
- Decide on what traditions you and/or your children want to uphold and then figure out who will be responsible for what.
- Connect with others you find to be supportive - this might look like setting up a phone call, email chat, or getting together for dinner.
- Schedule some self-care that feels replenishing: go for a hike, check out a new movie, take a yoga class, meet up with friends, journal, or cook a nourishing meal.
- Ask your kids what helps them feel energized or calm - we sometimes forget that kids need self-care too.
- Volunteer for an organization or event that is meaningful to you.
- Send cards, flowers, or an email to friends and family who might also be going through a hard time.
- If it feels right, create a ritual or activity connected to the person who died. Ideas include, make a meal they enjoyed, go to their favorite restaurant, make or buy a card for them.
- Many kids like to bring something - card, flowers, balloons, to the grave site. If there isn't one, you could put them where you keep the ashes or visit the place where the ashes were spread. Or if that's not possible, display an image of that place.
- Write a card or letter to the person who died. You might write about: events you want them to know about (your son's first soccer game, a promotion at work, a description of a sunrise you recently saw, etc), things you are grateful to them for, ways in which you and your family have grown or changed, or anything that comes to mind. You can keep, bury, or burn what you write.
Whatever you decide, go easy on yourself. There can be so much pressure, both internal and external to think or feel a certain way. Know that it's okay to feel whatever you feel (sadness, anger, numbness, irritation, etc), leading up to and on the actual day.