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Breaking the Code of Disconnection with Terry Real (Episode 4)

The Man Rules

Release Date: 05/11/2017

That’s All Folks. show art That’s All Folks.

The Man Rules

Welp. Here we are. The final episode of The Man Rules podcast. Dan and Andrea (the show’s producer) take the opportunity to reminisce, reflect, and ruminate on what might be next...

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What Men Would Tell You... About Having All The Answers show art What Men Would Tell You... About Having All The Answers

The Man Rules

Dan and Allen don't have all the answers, but they do have their own experiences in learning to let go of the need to know, and they share those with you in order to help you improve your relationships.

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The Man Rules

All stories we relate to are based either on our wishes or on our fears. Sometimes--or maybe even often--both. That's what makes this week's episode with friend of the show Rick Belden such a powerful one. Rick leads Dan through a fascinating discussion about the ways in which we internalize our favorite childhood stories to develop personal mythologies and use them to guide the ways we show up in the world.

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Coping with Changing Gender Expectations show art Coping with Changing Gender Expectations

The Man Rules

This week, friend of the show Dr. Michael Levittan is back to help us sort through the many changes in our expectations of men and women over the years, and how psychology and psychotherapy have played a role in helping shape and guide those changes. 

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The Man Rules

After more than two years of operation, we have made the difficult decision to end production of The Man Rules podcast. So, this week Dan's solo episode--his last solo episode--is about what it means to embrace change. 

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The Man Rules

Thanks to Duke Rumely and his organization S.AF.E (Sober As [email protected]# Entertainment), people in recovery can safely attend events that otherwise may have triggered their addictions. The organization's goal is to create "sober safe zones" at sporting events, concerts, and other social gatherings. In this episode, he talks with Dan about the importance of staving off loneliness and boredom in maintaining sobriety and about the power of community.  

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The Man Rules

In this episode, Dan and Allen talk about The Winning Rule, a chapter from their forthcoming book, What Men Would Tell You If They Weren't Too Busy Watching TV. They break down the ways in which the Winning Rule affects relationships, and show us how we can become more conscious of The Winning Rule and recognize when it's hijacked our reactions and behaviors. 

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The Man Rules

Dr. Lou Cox has studied the ego for decades. He joins Dan to talk about his work and his new book, Ego: The Ghost in Your Machinery. He and Dan talk about the male ego and how men thrive and suffer as a result of their dances with the ego. Ultimately, Cox says, while we cannot overcome the ego we can step aside from it and move toward our native, and more authentic and vulnerable, self. The more awareness the more you can see those parts and make different decisions about who and how you want to be.

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Support the Podcast show art Support the Podcast

The Man Rules

his week, Dan's back with an update on our makeshift pledge drive. We hear from Noah, a longtime listener who has pledged his support, and Dan makes a case for you all to be like Noah. (If you can.) 

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The Man Rules

In this episode, Dr. Ron Frederick, psychologist and author of "Loving Like You Mean It" breaks down the four basic attachment styles, explains where they come from (childhood, of course), and how to use emotional mindfulness to build stronger, healthier and happier relationships. He also offers up a simple, four-step approach to help you break free from old habits, befriend your emotional experience, and develop new ways of relating.

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More Episodes

Terry Real was talking about men and intimacy before it was cool. Pause.

Seriously, this guy has been a thought leader in helping men break out of the bondage of the Man Rules for three decades. If you care about men having fulfilling relationships that balance intimacy and vulnerability with genuine strength then you will like Terry. He doesn’t mince words. He is direct with humor and compassion much like the relational approach to therapy that he has developed.

He wrote the first book calling attention to the epidemic of male depression, I Don't Want to Talk About It. Sharing his own challenges with depression Terry broke the silence about men’s depression. Terry helped our culture to begin to understand that if you don’t pay attention to the Man Rules you will miss so much of men’s depression because it hides in men’s need not to be or look depressed. It is against the Man Rules to be depressed because it is a weakness. I have a good friend struggling horribly with this right now. Like hundreds of thousands of men right now he has this story inside of him beating the [email protected]# out of him saying that he just needs to “Man up” and get off his ass. Meanwhile, his depression is tearing him apart piecemeal.

What’s great about Terry is that he doesn’t let men off the hook and he doesn’t let women off the hook. We all have a part to play in the relationships that don’t work. As Terry says, “Leading men and women into increased intimacy – men have to open up their hearts and women have to open up their voices.”

As always the Practical and Tactical portion of this episode has some great advice for creating true intimacy in our relationships. Like immediately.