Burning Bridges - MAC096

The single most important thing you can do for your career is to build your network.  Whether you build relationships with champions and advocates, coaches and mentors, or people that act as a resource, each one of them provide a benefit that can help move your career forward.  Champions and advocates will support you and your ideas—they'll speak up for you in rooms you're not in, recommend you for stretch assignments, and give visibility to your contributions. Coaches and mentors will help you grow by offering guidance, feedback, and perspective from someone who's been there before. They help you avoid pitfalls, refine your approach, and accelerate your development. Finally, people who act as resources—whether subject matter experts, connectors, or peers in other departments—help you get things done faster, smarter, and more effectively. Each category adds a layer of strength to your career foundation, and together, they create a powerful support system that can help you rise.

 

But, sometimes -- whether intentionally or not -- you can jeopardize your relationship with someone and potentially even destroy it permanently.  It might be because you disappeared after getting what you needed, failed to follow through on a promise, or didn’t acknowledge the role someone played in your success. Other times, it could be as subtle as not showing appreciation, taking credit for shared work, or consistently making interactions one-sided. These moments can leave the other person feeling used, undervalued, or disrespected. And when trust is broken, it’s incredibly difficult to rebuild. Relationships, especially in your career, are built on mutual respect, reliability, and reciprocity—once that’s compromised, even unintentionally, the consequences can follow you far beyond that one interaction.

 

Or maybe YOU'RE the one on the other side.  Maybe you've spent time fostering a connection with someone only for them to turn their back on you.  They've taken advantage of you generosity in order to get ahead and then fail to reciprocate. That kind of experience can leave you feeling betrayed, used, and questioning whether it's even worth investing in people again. It stings when someone you believed in shows that their interest in you was transactional. And while it’s tempting to close yourself off after that, it’s important not to let one bad experience poison your ability to build meaningful, mutual relationships in the future. Instead, take the lesson with you: be more discerning, set clearer boundaries, and recognize the early signs of imbalance before you’re left holding all the weight.

 

 

Why do people burn bridges?

People don't always burn a bridge because of spite.  In fact, they often don't even realize that they are doing it; it just sort of happens.  Let's take a look at some of the common reasons that people burn bridges and how to handle each of them.

 

They've gotten what they need from the relationship.

If someone has achieved their goal, they may feel like they no longer need the relationship.  Or maybe they never intended to maintain the relationship at all, just get their needs met and move on.  Any time you reach out to them, you just get ghosted.  You may even see them put someone else in your position as they look to climb the next rung.

 

Look for signs early on in a relationship based on how often someone offers assistance either to you or others.  Someone who is going to use you and then leave will be unlikely to offer help to anyone else because they're focused only on their own needs.

 

They're distracted.

When someone is facing a challenge -- whether work or personal, they may be overwhelmed and distracted by their current situation.  They may not intend to ignore the relationship, but things just seem out of their control.

 

This could be an opportune time to strengthen a relationship.  If you recognize their situation, it can be a good time to reach out and offer what support you can provide.  By showing that you are not just out for yourself and have their best interests in mind, they'll be inclined to return the favor when they can.

 

They're avoiding a negative situation.

When someone makes a mistake or doesn't follow through with a promise, they may just disappear.  If they don't put forth the effort to mend the relationship, it can sour leading to a burned bridge.  You'll notice them avoiding you or putting off any interactions for fear of the consequences.

 

Being angry or holding a grudge won't resolve the situation.  Nor will running from it.  In order to preserve the relationship in this situation, the only way forward is to confront it head on.  If it's your mistake, own it.  If it's their mistake, offer support and understanding and try to figure out the source and a resolution to the failing.

 

They're burning it proactively.

The last reason someone may burn a bridge is if they feel like the relationship is ending and they want to be the one to control its end.  If they feel like they have been used and that they will soon be ghosted, they may try to ruin the relationship in retaliation so that they can't be used in the future.

 

It's important that you offer gratitude when someone in your network provides you aid; even just a simple email is enough to let the person know that their assistance is appreciated.  Additionally, look for ways that you can pay the person back with whatever help you can offer them.  A relationship should never be a one-way street.

 

Here’s the thing about burning bridges—word spreads; people talk. And in today's interconnected professional world, reputations are more fragile than we like to admit.  When someone is ghosted or treated as disposable, it doesn't just end with them.  That person will talk within their network.  One burned bridge may not wreck your career, but it has the potential to cascade through a network quickly.  That could lead to a stalled career at a critical time.

 

That’s why it’s not enough to simply build a network—you have to cultivate it.  If you only show up when you need something, people notice.  Strong networks are built on consistency, mutual respect, and generosity.  Check in with people even when you don’t need a favor.  Offer support without being asked.  Celebrate others' wins.  And always leave people better than you found them.  Because when your network thrives, so does your career.  When you make honoring relationships a habit, you’re never starting from scratch—you’re building momentum.

 

 

 

I would love to hear some stories of how this podcast has helped you in your pursuit of career advancement.  Go to the ManagingACareer.com website and leave a message via the Contact form (https://www.managingacareer.com/contact/) or click the button to leave a voicemail via your computer.  Tell me which episodes have had the biggest impact for you.  If I get enough feedback, I'll start including them in upcoming episodes.