Alzheimer's, Romance, and Intimacy
My Spouse Has Dementia
You will never regret being kind to your spouse. In a strong marriage, the sexual expression of love is the sinew that ties two hearts together and forms the kind of bond we depend on to get us through life's greatest challenges. As we age, the intensity of physical passion burns more ember than flame, but the bonds of love can be just as strong, even stronger, than ever. Alzheimer's forces a wedge in the relationship. Caregiver stress is more devastating than you imagined. Frustration and Anger barge into your home and wreak havoc in your daily world. Anticipatory grief destroys...
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Can Improv Help Dementia Caregivers Survive?
My Spouse Has Dementia
You know that caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's or other form of dementia can leave your mind confused, your body exhausted, and your spirit depressed. Yes, and what if I said there's something simple that might help you survive the caregiving journey? Yes, and what if I said this something is fun and free? I'm talking about improvisational theater, "improv" for short. Imagine a group of people on stage, making up a comedy skit as they go along. No experience required for what I'm suggesting in this episode. I've been talking with my nephew, Stephen Gillikin, co-founder of an...
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My Two Elaines - A Governor's Dementia Caregiving Memoir
My Spouse Has Dementia
“None of the books I read conveyed the ugly truth about caregiving: that it can destroy you – even kill you – if you go about it wrong.” That's just a taste of the hard-hitting reality conveyed by author Martin (Marty) Schreiber in his memoir, "My Two Elaines." Elaine was Marty's highschool sweetheart and wife of 62 years when she died from Alzheimer's. As a former governor, Marty was prepared for the political responsibilities focused on leading the State of Wisconson. As a loving husband to a wife with Alzheimer's, he floundered. Marty talks bluntly about several aspects of...
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A Husband Videos His Dementia Caregiving Journey
My Spouse Has Dementia
At part of their daughter's wedding ceremony, Heather was supposed to give their daughter a necklace that had once belonged to Heather's mother. Heather's husband, John, talks about what it was like when he and his daughter realized Heather had not brought the jewelry. "Our daughter actually took me aside before the ceremony and said, 'Dad, I've been wondering about something and I have to ask. Does mom just not care anymore or does she have dementia or something?'" In four short years, John Van Gurp watched his loving wife, Heather, fade from a beautiful, vibrant, creative, multi-tasker...
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Visited Mom Today - An Interview with Author John D. Scully
My Spouse Has Dementia
For 13 years, John Scully visited his mom in a nursing home. For the last 8 years of her life, she couldn’t talk. So he had other conversations. And they became a book. It’s called Visited Mom Today: Conversations Through the Lens of Alzheimer’s and Dementia. Mentioned in the podcast: - The website of author John D. Scully , a podcast that interviews authors of dementia caregiving memoirs.
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How Did I Survive? Truth, Strength, and Walter Cronkite
My Spouse Has Dementia
I grew up listening to Walter Cronkite. He signed off each nightly newscast with “And that’s the way it is.” As a kid, I was often alarmed by the news. But I reasoned that if Walter Cronkite respected me enough to tell me the truth, then I could handle it. Yes, my reasoning was flawed. Mr. Cronkite didn’t know me. In this episode, I share deeply personal stories from my childhood. That's when my first caregiving experience really began. Both of my parents had enough confidence in me to tell me the truth, even at five years old. Still, decades later, Mr. Cronkite's respect...
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The Caregiver You Love Needs Help!
My Spouse Has Dementia
This episode is a message for the caregiver to send to someone else, someone who doesn't know, or doesn't understand, the stress the caregiver is going through. I liken that stress to driving alone, in an old car, up a steep mountain on a narrow, twisting road with no place to pull off. There are no guardrails. The caregiver's spouse is at the top of that mountain, dying. I created this episode especially for the caregiver whose spouse has Alzheimer's or other form of dementia. While statistics vary, approximately 40% of family dementia caregivers die first -- meaning, the...
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Tall Ships and Facing Death - Victoria Burdick, Hospice Chaplain, Ret.
My Spouse Has Dementia
"Between now and dead, you've got a purpose. Don't be timid." Before she retired as a hospice chaplain, Reverend Victoria Burdick faced her own death several times. In her 30s while in divinity school, she wrote a series of essays she called "Lunch with Heron." In one of those essays, "The Tall Ships," she recounts the breast cancer diagnosis that led her to the Festival of the Tall Ships in Europe, and her harrowing ordeal crewing on a ship with a captain and crew who were rarely sober. One night, exhausted after an 18-hour shift at the helm, and weak from the cancer drugs she was...
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Anticipatory Healing - What Family Dementia Caregivers Need to Know to Survive
My Spouse Has Dementia
You've probably heard of anticipatory grief. Unbidden, hidden, and immediate, it comes with the diagnosis that your loved one has Alzheimer's. Depending on when the diagnosis was delivered, it can be several years or more before your loved one dies. Something in addition to anticipatory grief can also happen along the way, especially in those devastating late years of the disease. I call it Anticipatory Healing. It's connected to grief. My husband had Alzheimer's. I'm publishing this episode on the second anniversary of his death. In these last two years, I've come to see my...
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Wandering and the Bring Me Back Home Program
My Spouse Has Dementia
For a person with Alzheimer's or other form of dementia, wandering can be dangerous. If that person isn't found within 24 hours, the chances that he or she will suffer serious injury, even death, increase dramatically. The family dementia caregiver will likely experience serious stress until the loved one is found. According to the Alzheimer's Association 6 in 10 people with dementia will wander. A person with dementia might lose the ability to recognize familiar places and faces. Losing that ability can happen at any stage of the disease. Connecticut has partnered with the Alzheimer's...
info_outlineStudies show that how the dementia family caregiver interprets her stress is key to her survival. I'm sharing 3 rituals I created that have helped me.
I also share 3 mistakes I made in the early years of caring for my husband. He has Alzheimer's, late stage.