Ep 4 - Our Beginning

In this episode of Finding Forgiveness, I will recount my early years, focusing on the passing of my infant brother and its impact on my connection with my mother. The intricate dynamics of a family often reveal themselves gradually, and I've discovered this to be accurate in comprehending my bond with my mother. Today, I will share what I learned while meditating and revisiting my infancy.  If you are struggling with a family relationship, I hope my story leads you on a journey of fulfillment within your family. 

 

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [0:00]  Susan shares her childhood journey, beginning with the marriage of her parents and the death of her baby brother. 

• [5:10] Susan learns her mother had difficult pregnancies, which affected their relationship. 

• [9:52] Putting together over the years all the pieces blocking the mother-daughter relationship. 

• [12:57] Making a new relationship with my mother and further recognizing the emotional distance caused by our past. 

• [17:07] Starting a meditation session six weeks ago and going back to infancy in my mind. 

• [21:02] Susan invites listeners to explore their first feelings and to share with her. 

KEY TAKEAWAYS: 

• It may take years to sort through the dynamics of a relationship as complicated as a mother and daughter.

• Events that happen before our birth can change the complexion of a family dynamic.

• It’s never too late to mend a relationship. You can’t go back, but you can only go forward.

 

QUOTES:

“I realized, having pieced together all of these stories I've heard over these years, that it's not about going back. There's nothing to go back to. It's about trying to figure things out from this moment forward. When I started to realize this, I experienced another shift: I needed to create new experiences with my mother, not try to get back to previous experiences. I needed to form a new relationship with my mother.”  Susan Gibson

“I asked my mother, “How could you not love me? I'm just a baby.” and I sobbed silently. Spasms of sobs just wracked my body, tears flooding my cheeks, soaking onto my chest. Then I realized Mom did love me. I was in a deep realization of more than just saying I love you and having that feeling. It was deep, deep inside of me. She loved me to my core, but she was afraid and passed that fear on to me. ”- Susan Gibson

 

RESOURCES:

Susan Gibson - Email

 

BIOGRAPHY: 

Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community, and the power of having a voice.

Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80’s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers.

Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta, and speaks at public and private events around the world, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech. 

Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family’s 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.