Ep. 11 - Family Secrets

Today, Susan explores the challenge of maintaining family secrets. This episode may be unsettling to some listeners accustomed to abiding by their family's unwritten rule of silence. What happens when you feel obligated to keep a secret or choose to do so independently due to various factors like fear, embarrassment, or a desire for privacy? The weight of that pressure, that unwritten code of silence, can significantly impact your life in ways you might not fully grasp. It can contribute to feelings of anxiety and depression and, in extreme cases, even lead to suicide. If you or someone you know requires assistance, dial 988, the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Support is available around the clock, regardless of the nature of the crisis. Tune in as Susan openly shares her experiences with the code of silence prevalent in her family.

 

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [0:35] Susan asks a compelling question about secrets and then explains that this episode contains family secrets of depression, anxiety and suicide.

• [2:05] The culture of silence. Susan shares how that silence impacted her life because her mother kept her trauma a secret.

• [6:41] Asking for help when in her 30’s, Susan began experiencing the beginnings of a breakthrough. 

• [10:44] Covid hit Susan’s body and mind hard, and she describes what she did to overcome her anxiety.

• [16:09] Susan went to therapy. She discussed why we need outside intervention and how we can be present for someone else. 

• [21:27] Susan invites listeners to contact her to contact her for support. 

 

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• When a family operates in a culture of silence, it harms those aware of the secret or event and filters it down throughout future generations. It leads one to believe they must handle their experiences and traumas independently without intervention.

• Anxiety and depression manifest in unique ways. It's essential to reach out for support. Build a trusting relationship with a therapist, persist until you feel that trust, and open up completely. Be truthful and share all your thoughts, emotions and secrets.

• Life is complicated. When you add to that difficulty, you are not allowed to discuss family secrets; it adds a significant burden. There is help available If you grew up under the code of silence. Break the code of silence in your family. 

 

QUOTES:

“What's the purpose of keeping a secret? Perhaps it's an embarrassment. It may be privacy. Perhaps it's something other than yours to share. What happens when your family has a culture of keeping secrets? You learn not to ask questions. You learn not to speak up or speak out. Resources are not readily known or even considered. Everything is kept secret within the family unit. However, family units may not be your best option for help and support.” Susan Gibson

“So, where are we in all of this? I broke the silence. I'm breaking it now. I now talk about my anxiety. I check in with myself and others on a deeper plane. How are you doing today? And if they always say, I'm okay. I want to know more. What can I do to support you today? I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'm here for you.” Susan Gibson

 

RESOURCES:

Susan Gibson - Email

 

ABOUT THE HOST:

Susan Gibson grew up in a small town in Northern Maine, the only surviving child of parents who married young and divorced young. From the influence of their shared experiences, Susan has learned two things that are core to who she is: the value of community and the power of having a voice.

Susan has spent her entire academic and professional career as a woman in tech, starting her career as a developer in the mid-80s to today, where she is CEO of Temenos+Agility, a management consulting company she co-founded with her partner, Siraj Sirajuddin, where they help enterprises transform organizationally and personally, to find a more meaningful way to deliver value to their customers.

Susan is a frequent contributor to the Women in Tech (WiT) Regatta and speaks at public and private events worldwide, using her voice to grow communities of women, mentors and allies in tech. 

Susan has many lifelong pursuits - healthy eating, fitness, yoga & meditation, music, theater, opera, reading, movies, travel, family and friends. She is also rebuilding her family’s 110-year-old homestead in Northern Maine, a true labor of love.