99: No Sex and Intimacy? Let's Fix That!

Is Your Marriage Missing Intimacy? The Surprising Truth About Connecting in Christ

 

Do you and your spouse ever feel like you're talking, but not truly connecting? Like something's just... missing? The root cause might be a lack of true intimacy, which is far more than just the physical. In this episode, we sit down with Belah Rose from Delight Your Marriage to demystify intimacy and help you and your spouse create a stronger, more connected relationship rooted in faith.

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Intimacy: Beyond the Bedroom

 

Many of us mistakenly believe intimacy is just about sex. But as Belah explains, it's about being "naked and unashamed" in every aspect of your relationship. Intimacy is the full absence of walls and guardedness. It's the journey of becoming one flesh, not just physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. A true connection means being vulnerable and fully known by your spouse.

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The Common Intimacy Blocks

 

Belah shares some of the most common dynamics she sees in her work:

• The Pressure Cycle: Many men are wired to seek physical intimacy as a way to feel loved. However, when a man pressures his wife for sex, it's the very thing that makes her reject it. A woman is designed to feel safe, and pressure feels like a violation of that safety. This can create a painful cycle of a husband feeling rejected and a wife feeling pushed.

• The Myth of "I Don't Wanna": For women, Belah challenges the idea of waiting for a desire for sex to arise naturally. Instead, she asks women to consider the greater call of being a "good and faithful servant." When we understand that a husband feels loved through physical intimacy, the question shifts from, "Do I want sex?" to, "How can I get myself to want to make love?" This change in mindset is a powerful act of selfless love.

• The Unkind Word: For men, a lack of respect and admiration can be a huge intimacy block. Constant criticism, nagging, and being "one-upped" by a spouse diminishes a man's drive to connect. A husband needs to feel that he is his wife's hero—her quarterback on the field with her cheering on the sidelines.

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The "Delight Your Marriage" Framework

 

Belah's coaching framework provides a clear roadmap for what husbands and wives need to feel fulfilled.

 

What a Wife Needs to Feel Loved:

 

• Safe: She needs to feel emotionally safe, knowing her husband accepts her, listens to her heart, and doesn't push or belittle her.

• Known: She needs to feel like she is the only woman in the world who matters to him. Her personality, passions, and unique traits should be seen and cherished.

• Wholeheartedly Cherished: This is the core desire to feel valued and adored for who she is.

 

What a Husband Needs to Feel Loved:

 

• Respect: He needs to feel respected, not criticized, controlled, or demeaned.

• Admiration: He needs a wife who believes in him, sees his strengths, and cheers him on.

• Wholehearted Sexual Intimacy: Physical intimacy is a fundamental way a man feels loved and honored, designed by God to be a powerful symbol of their one-flesh union.

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The God-Given Design of Sexual Intimacy

 

Belah offers a powerful and refreshing perspective on a man's sex drive, correcting common misconceptions. She explains that a man's desire for sex is not a mistake or something dirty, but a godly, biological design. God created a man's anatomy in a way that requires intimacy for both physical and spiritual health.

Just as God asked Abraham to commit himself through circumcision, He designed a man's most prized possession to be a symbol of his commitment and a beautiful gift to his marriage. The enemy knows how powerful this kind of connection is, and he will do everything to get in between a husband and a wife. It is our opportunity as believers to show the world just how good and sacred this intimacy is within a God-honoring marriage.

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Your Next Step

 

Are you ready to take the next step toward a more intimate marriage? As believers, we are called to serve our spouses. The journey starts with a change of heart and a willingness to understand and delight your partner in the way God designed them.

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Belah's Resources Mentioned

• Visit Delight Your Marriage for Coaching and other Resources.

• Book: Belah Rose's book, Delight Your Husband.

• Podcast: Delight Your Marriage podcast.