Searching for a God We Will Never Find with John Hamilton
The Gospel of Direct Experience
Release Date: 04/02/2025
Ask Us Anything—Live!
The Gospel of Direct Experience
Welcome to our very first live AMA episode—unscripted and full of spirit. Listeners showed up with real questions about prayer, mystical experience, cryptids, and the strange space where the psychological meets the spiritual. We talked about what it means to pray when God no longer fits, how to trust the knowledge of the heart, why some people encounter the sacred and others don’t, and whether Bigfoot might just be a messenger from beyond (seriously). It was thoughtful, honest, sometimes strange, and fun! Thanks to everyone who joined us live—and if you missed it, we hope to see you...
info_outline
Jumping on the Bridge of Faith with Emma Mcilroy
The Gospel of Direct Experience
In this powerful and personal episode, we sit down with Emma Mcilroy—queer feminist, immigrant, entrepreneur, and CEO of —for a conversation that dives deep into faith, identity, capitalism, and surviving life's darkest valleys. Emma shares her journey of reconciling her sexuality with her faith, the near-death experience surrounding the birth of her son, and how a private, hard-won relationship with God became her unshakable bridge. We explore what it means to wrestle with faith, lead with integrity, and hold onto Spirit in a world that often demands compromise. Episode Highlights ...
info_outline
When You Make the Two One: Gnosis & Healing the Duality
The Gospel of Direct Experience
What if the path to salvation isn’t belief—but integration? Building off our last episode, Jeff and Michael unpack a mysterious saying from the Gospel of Thomas about making “the two one,” and explore how ancient Gnostic wisdom speaks to our divided modern selves. Jeff shares a concluding dream that becomes a portal into the deeper meaning of inner and outer reconciliation, while Michael reflects on the radical claim that knowing yourself might be the same as knowing God. Episode Highlights [00:01:54] Gnosticism & Direct Experience Jeff and Michael introduce the Gnostic theme...
info_outline
When You Know Yourself: Gnostic Revelations from Nag Hammadi
The Gospel of Direct Experience
What if the spiritual texts we grew up with only told part of the story? In this episode, Jeff and Michael explore the discovery of the Nag Hammadi Library—a collection of ancient, long-buried texts that include radically different teachings attributed to Jesus, including the enigmatic Gospel of Thomas. These writings challenge many assumptions of mainstream Christianity and open a doorway into a spirituality centered on inner knowing, direct experience, and the integration of what is within and what is without. Then Jeff shares a recent dream that unexpectedly mirrors the themes of the...
info_outline
Knowledge Must Bow to Spirit: A Journey with George Inness
The Gospel of Direct Experience
What if a long-dead painter could reach across time to guide your spiritual awakening? In this episode, Jeff shares the astonishing true story of how George Inness—a 19th-century landscape artist and mystic—emerged as a living spirit guide in his life. From a chance encounter at a museum to a series of visionary dreams filled with barns, handprints, and transfigured light-beings, Jeff and Michael explore how spirit invites us to see beyond appearances, surrender our over-love of knowledge, and walk the ancient, living path of direct experience. This is an episode about listening deeply,...
info_outline
Waking Up: Dreams, Enlightenment, and the Space Between
The Gospel of Direct Experience
What if waking up isn’t a single breakthrough moment—but a layered, looping journey through insight, fear, wonder, and mystery? In this episode, we explore the complex terrain of spiritual awakening through dreams, false awakenings, mystical encounters, and moments of terrifying clarity. From Michael’s lucid Spirit Train dream to Jeff’s powerful visitation from a fierce divine feminine presence, we ask: What does it really mean to wake up—is it a one time affair or is it a journey, a process? We dig into the paradoxes of awakening: how it can feel ecstatic or annihilating, grounding...
info_outline
Searching for a God We Will Never Find with John Hamilton
The Gospel of Direct Experience
What happens when the walls of traditional religion crumble, and all that’s left is raw, unfiltered awe? In this episode we sit down with John Hamilton—UCC minister, musician, and author of the excellent theological memoir Honest to God. Guided by the book, the three of us dive into the chaos and beauty of spiritual awakening in an era of collapsing institutions. John Hamilton was born into a spirited Irish-American family of singers and storytellers. Breaking with his strict Catholic upbringing, he embarked on a career in music that immersed him in the colorful but dangerous world...
info_outline
The Homa & the Chapel Perilous
The Gospel of Direct Experience
What happens when you call on Jesus in an ancient Vedic fire ritual? Will he show up? How? In this episode, Michael shares his experience with Homa, a Vedic fire ceremony, and what happened when he decided to dedicate it to Jesus. The result was an unfolding series of synchronicities—stretching across years, continents, and eventually even into the Spirit Train dream—culminating in a moment of undeniable presence. Meanwhile, we explore the Chapel Perilous, the threshold between belief and madness, where meaning breaks through in ways that can’t be ignored. We briefly summarize the...
info_outline
Awaken in the Dream with Paul Levy
The Gospel of Direct Experience
Read Paul's full bio and the time-stamped episode highlights in the on the website. While you're there: to keep up to date on the all the latest from us about your own experiences, questions, comments Read the latest blog post:
info_outline
All Aboard the Spirit Train: Dreams, Discernment, and Anxiety
The Gospel of Direct Experience
What if your anxieties weren’t obstacles but doorways? What if your dreams aren’t nonsense, but portals to deeper wisdom, hidden truths, and paths yet unseen? What if the very fears that keep you up at night are the same forces trying to wake you up? In this episode Michael recounts a dream of cosmic proportions—one that begins in the disorienting corridors of an ever-shifting church and ends aboard a song-filled dragon train soaring into the multiverse. Along the way, we wrestle with discernment, anxiety, and the unsettling realization that reality itself may be more dreamlike than we...
info_outlineWhat happens when the walls of traditional religion crumble, and all that’s left is raw, unfiltered awe? In this episode we sit down with John Hamilton—UCC minister, musician, and author of the excellent theological memoir Honest to God. Guided by the book, the three of us dive into the chaos and beauty of spiritual awakening in an era of collapsing institutions.
John Hamilton was born into a spirited Irish-American family of singers and storytellers. Breaking with his strict Catholic upbringing, he embarked on a career in music that immersed him in the colorful but dangerous world of drugs, alcohol, and rock clubs. A debilitating onset of panic disorder abruptly halted his musical pursuits, propelling him into the business world where he thrived as a creative director in advertising. Despite professional success, Hamilton's persistent quest for the transcendent led him to seminary and, eventually, to two decades of parish work as a pastor. His most recent book, Honest To God, chronicles the collapse of mainstream Christianity, his loss of connection to the transcendent and his walk into the wilderness to search for it again. He maintains an active presence on Substack, has 25,000 followers on Spotify, and another book, “The Weight of Snow” in the works for 2026.
If you’ve ever felt the holy ground shake beneath your feet or wondered how to find meaning when the old gods fall, this conversation is for you.
Episode Highlights
[00:04:50] Rock & Roll—The Hot Wire to God
-
A conversation on music and spirit. If you're a rock musician, why be a minister at all?
[00:12:35] Awe
-
A reading from the book gets into one of the major themes of the book—awe, the relationship of one's seminary training to a one's experience of awe, John's experience of staring into the abyss during his wife's medial emergency, and the negative or apophatic approach to God.
[00:26:15] Nontheism
-
Another reading from the book gets us into a discussion of John's identity as a nontheist (as opposed to an atheist), God's identity and nature, prayer, miracles, and direct spiritual experience.
[00:41:56] The Collapse of Mainstream Christianity
-
We talk about John's experience closing churches, the worldview collapse the accompanies the collapse of the Church, a reading from the book about John's earliest memory (of a church burning down), and what could or should replace the loss of churches.
[01:02:20] Searching for a God We Will Never Find
-
A final, triumphant reading captures the heart of the book and leads us into a concluding discussion of why Jeff left his last church position in September 2024.
Get the Book
Continue the Conversation
What did you think about this conversation? Tell us at [email protected] or reach out at: https://www.gospelofdirectexperience.com/#contact.