Love at the Spelling Bee
Generation Artax
How do you spell heartbreak? T-E-R-R-I. In this episode, Terri comes clean about a boy she scoped out at a spelling bee, and then later woefully mistreated, which still haunts her. Also: Kim meets an emotionally wounded boy at a bonfire. In Unrelated: Children’s movies that really shouldn’t have been children’s movies. Like, the Last Unicorn, about a sexy horse and the prince who falls for her. Welcome to Generation Artax. Show notes: Terri is on a spending freeze, thinks about things she’d like to buy when she “deserves” it and Kim and Lori lecture her about mindset Kim...
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The 72-Hour Boyfriend
Generation Artax
Let’s be clear: Lori wants love in 1993, but she didn’t say she wants it to be easy (which is why it’s over before it’s begun). Find out why Cash Cab is a true test of character. Lori goes on the wrong booze cruise, Kim nearly has a stroke, and Terri hard launches her new relationship—which, speaking of the 90s, is with a girl she went to high school with. True story. Welcome to Generation Artax. SHOW NOTES Sometimes Kim likes the darkness Lori loves corned beef Teenage Lori wants love, but she also wants a challenge The Rules of Courtney Love, and the book The Rules Kim hates...
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Map Quest
Generation Artax
We kick off this episode fresh from a colonoscopy! Then, travel back to the 90s when Terri leaves Kim old fashioned directions to the biggest party of the year, which include “turn left at the tree.” Witness the dawn of the World Wide Web, Terri’s awkward conversation with a boy she doesn’t like, and a little body horror you definitely didn’t ask for. Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: Terri gets a colonoscopy right before taping Hemorrhoid talk and blood draws Life before GPS - turn at the tree (remember that tree?). Kim calls AAA and they legit send...
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Bitches & Virgins
Generation Artax
Our parents go on a two-week sojourn to Europe and all hell breaks loose: Kim absolutely did not throw a house party or lose her virginity in her childhood bedroom. Lori gains the upper hand with Sean. Terri folds under pressure and takes Kim down with her. It’s all power shifts and wild betrayals on this episode of Generation Artax. In this episode: We’re dreaming of merch, but we don’t have any yet Lori wants to broaden her horizons at a high school dance Lori maintains a good cover for the bitch within Our parents go on a two week sojourn (and yes Lori used those words) Lori is...
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Welcome to MovieFone
Generation Artax
It’s hard to believe that we used to call a number and then sit through a recording of every single showtime, but THIS IS WHAT OUR LIVES WERE. Also, every movie was great: Muppets Take Manhattan. Chances Are. Ghost. Need we go on. Plus: Kim tries to rebrand her seventh grade class, Lori worships Atreyu, and Terri falls in love with Peter Pan and is then confused by that. Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: Hot coffee just doesn’t taste as good as iced Muppets take Manhattan is the hands-down best Sixth grade wasn’t a class; it was a brand Kim’s seventh grade fallout...
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Eating out
Generation Artax
In 1993, St. Lori was on a mission to keep boys from going down the wrong path. Oral arguments ensue. Then, Terri reads one of Lori’s high school essays which is chock full of backhanded compliments about her very average and unremarkable sisters. Kim is shunned in society for enjoying life. The snacks we were raised on in the 80s. Also: Terri’s Lexapro is late again and her sad is showing. Welcome to Generation Artax. Someone took a gummy (can you guess? you guessed wrong) Bromilow’s chocolate is the best Milk vs. dark and white chocolate isn’t real chocolate Lemon is...
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Terri’s Gummy Kicks In
Generation Artax
If you ask Kim, Dominos pizza is what high school tastes like, and it hasn’t changed since 1988. In this episode, we recall our favorite restaurants from days of yore: Pizza Hut, Red Lobster, and Benihana (shout out to Short Hills). Plus, Kim loses her shit when her friends take Terri’s car for a joy ride; Lori eats raw garlic to ward off pests; and Terri tries to ward off boys. Then, we play a little Would You Rather — which is right around when Terri’s gummy kicks in. Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: Dominos hasn’t changed since 1988, so it takes like high...
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A Great Time to Get a Perm
Generation Artax
This week, Terri needs to chill the fuck out, but literally can’t. Also, why time is liquid and doesn’t actually exist, and the time Kim’s fourth grade crush called to say, “You’re ugly.” Facts: The meaner a boy is, the more he likes you; your nose grows faster than the rest of your face. Plus: The time Lori got a bold-ass pixie cut and Kim got a really bad perm, and when Terri thought she and her friends were the hottest fourth graders ever. Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: Terri can’t chill on Sundays Time is liquid and doesn’t exist Kim’s crush called and...
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Poltergeist F’d Us Up
Generation Artax
Say what you will, but having two boyfriends is really hard! How Kim coped with dueling loves, and what peak romance looks like at the mall. Also: Flowers smell like death; the Poltergeist movie fucks up our sense of reality, and does anyone look at Sissy Spacek and not think of Carrie? In Unrelated, a solid round of would-you-rathers. Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: From Justin to … Kimmy. Kim feels so much pressure from all her high school boyfriends Peak romance: a dozen red roses in front of the mall fountain Kim and Terri think flowers smell like death As...
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Boob Dreams
Generation Artax
We didn’t intend for this week to be so body-focused, but there you have it. Rough hands, failed fingernails, aspirational boobs, lopsided boobs, and vaginas that look like a sleeping bear. In 1982, Terri dreams of having a smile that will knock all the guys out. We remember Colorforms, Shrinky Dinks, mom’s pep talks, Kim’s first paycheck, and then we do the “pencil test” live on the air. UNRELATED: If a movie theater audience is watching your life unfold, what are they yelling at the screen? Welcome to Generation Artax. In this episode: Lori has body dysmorphia about her...
info_outlineIn this episode of Generation Artax, we take a trip back to the early 90s when Terri left for college and Kim was inconsolable. And Lori went off to college and became a huge star. Also: REM sleep, room temps, and a bad case of lice. Buckle up and enjoy.
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