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SFIO 209 Hardwired: How Knowing Yourself Changes Everything

Still Figuring It Out

Release Date: 06/23/2025

SFIO 418 - Arrival Is Not the End show art SFIO 418 - Arrival Is Not the End

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary Emily and Marc close Season 4 with “arrival,” the final word in their exploration of transitions. They consider arrival as a destination, an accomplishment, a place of safety, and the beginning of whatever comes next. Sometimes we reach the island. Sometimes, as Māori wayfinding suggests, the turning Earth brings the island toward us. Looking back over a season of thresholds, shifts, pivots, metamorphosis, passage, evolution, convergence, bridges, recalibration, flux, and momentum, Emily and Marc reflect on how their understanding of transition has changed. It feels...

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SFIO 417 - Each Other’s Number One Fan with Kristin Steele and Samantha Swaim show art SFIO 417 - Each Other’s Number One Fan with Kristin Steele and Samantha Swaim

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary Emily and Marc welcome Kristin Steele and Samantha Swaim of Swaim Strategies for the first couple-to-couple conversation on Still Figuring It Out. Kristin and Sam talk about working together, living together, and building a business rooted in storytelling, strategy, events, justice, and connection. The conversation moves from partner dynamics—back of house and front of house, listening to learn and listening to facilitate—to the deeper question of how people reconnect after years of disconnection. Kristin and Sam describe the “connection recession” they are seeing...

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SFIO 416 - Momentum Is Not Perpetual Motion show art SFIO 416 - Momentum Is Not Perpetual Motion

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary Emily and Marc continue their Season 4 exploration of transitions with the word “momentum.” From physics class and hybrid cars to business, creativity, family, and habit, they consider what it means to work with the energy already in motion. They also question the business-world myth that enough effort will eventually create a flywheel that runs forever. Life keeps changing. Clients change, circumstances shift, families grow, bodies age, and even healthy momentum can carry us farther than our values want us to go. The conversation turns toward a more flexible...

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SFIO 415 - Stop Studying What You Already Know with Caleb Pitman show art SFIO 415 - Stop Studying What You Already Know with Caleb Pitman

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary Emily and Marc welcome their son Caleb Pitman—an improvising musician, trumpet player, composer, and graduate student at NYU—for a conversation about music, identity, influence, and developing a voice of your own. Caleb explains why he often prefers the term Black American music to “jazz,” honoring the people and traditions that created the musical language he is learning to speak. He describes improvisation not as randomness, but as a deeply structured, evolving language built from history, shared references, individual choices, and careful listening. The...

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SFIO 414 - Living in Flux show art SFIO 414 - Living in Flux

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary In their 50th episode, Emily and Marc continue exploring transitions with the word “flux”—the act of flowing, a state of ongoing change, and even a substance that prepares surfaces to form a stronger connection. The conversation begins with a transition hiding in plain sight. For the first autumn in nearly five decades, Emily will have no direct connection to a school calendar. With their children finished with formal education, she and Marc wonder what freedom from that long-standing rhythm might make possible—and how a change can contain both grief and rebirth...

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SFIO 413 - Ready, Fire, Recalibrate show art SFIO 413 - Ready, Fire, Recalibrate

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary In this episode, Emily and Marc continue their exploration of transitions with the word “recalibrate.” What begins with the satisfying shape of the word—and the equally satisfying factors of the number 24—opens into a conversation about pausing, gathering feedback, and noticing whether the direction they chose still fits. They reflect on Scrum, coaching, marriage, work, values, productivity, and the difference between filling every available hour and recognizing when enough has been done. Recalibration does not always require a dramatic life change. Sometimes it is...

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SFIO 412 - Still Figuring Out Everything with Jeff Gibbard show art SFIO 412 - Still Figuring Out Everything with Jeff Gibbard

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary In this episode, Emily and Marc talk with Jeff Gibbard — neurodivergent, multi-passionate entrepreneur, author of The Lovable Leader, and self-described superhero working to make the world kinder, safer, and more equitable. Jeff shares the drive behind his work: knowing that time is limited and wanting to do as much good as he can while he is here. The conversation moves through storytelling, entrepreneurship, marriage, parenting, neurodiversity, and Jeff’s user guide framework — a way for people to explain how they work, what helps them thrive, and what makes life...

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SFIO 411 - Did You Know Some Bridges Sing? show art SFIO 411 - Did You Know Some Bridges Sing?

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary In this episode, Emily and Marc continue their Season 4 exploration of transitions with the word “bridge.” The conversation begins with Marc reflecting on his faith journey, modern history, and the book "Jesus and John Wayne" — and how looking back can reveal the structures and systems that shaped parts of his identity. Emily brings the metaphor to physical bridges: covered bridges in Maine, swimming holes, the bridge between New Hampshire and Maine, singing bridges, long Louisiana bridges, and bridges in music. Together, they notice how a bridge can be both...

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SFIO 410 - When Transition Doesn’t Have an End Yet show art SFIO 410 - When Transition Doesn’t Have an End Yet

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary As the season on transitions continues, Emily and Marc reflect on graduations, hospice, politics, wars, uncertainty, and the possibility that transition may not always end neatly. Sometimes the work is not to find a period at the end of the sentence, but to stay flexible, creative, rooted, and open to being repotted into a larger space. In this episode, Emily and Marc celebrate a quiet milestone: Still Figuring It Out has passed 1,000 downloads. That number becomes a concrete reminder that even a messy, joy-filled project can create connection, community, and meaning...

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SFIO 409 - The Sappy Dreamer's Guide to Hospitality with Matt Ray show art SFIO 409 - The Sappy Dreamer's Guide to Hospitality with Matt Ray

Still Figuring It Out

📋 Episode Summary In this episode, Emily and Marc talk with Matt Ray, a spirits educator, storyteller, Safe Bar Network trainer, and newly named World’s Best American Whiskey Brand Ambassador. Matt brings stories from New Orleans, hospitality, teaching, bartending, alchemy, bourbon, mythology, and the occasional tiny bottle of Underberg. The conversation moves from Mardi Gras marching crews and surprise neighborhood parades to the deeper work of making bars safer, helping people know when it’s time to leave a job, and using influence to strengthen community. Matt talks about the joy of...

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📋 Episode Summary

In this episode, Marc and Emily explore the concept of hardwiring—those patterns, instincts, and tendencies that shape how we show up in life, work, and relationships. From Enneagram types to Gallup Strengths to late-in-life ADHD diagnoses, they reflect on how assessments can help us understand ourselves more clearly—and when labels might actually get in the way.

With humor, vulnerability, and a lot of real-life examples, they explore:

  • The usefulness and limitations of personality profiles
  • How deeper self-awareness can reframe past stories
  • What it means to take responsibility without shame
  • How to describe yourself without falling into shorthand labels
  • Why saying "you're just a..." might be the most damaging thing of all

Plus, an unexpected movie reference that brings the point home.

 

🔑 Key Takeaways

  • Hardwiring refers to our natural patterns—our instinctive responses and behavior tendencies.
  • Personality assessments like Enneagram, StrengthsFinder, or DISC can offer language for reflection, but shouldn’t become excuses or cages.
  • Knowing your patterns gives you space to pause, choose your response, and lead with intention.
  • Labels like “just a 9” or “typical 7” can be harmful when used to dismiss or stereotype.
  • Self-awareness is not self-absorption—it’s leadership.

 

🗣 Quote Highlights

“When we understand ourselves, we can see our stories in the light of truth instead of shame.” – Emily
“Sometimes peace is great. But it’s not always the goal.” – Emily
“Hardwiring is how you show up when you’re not trying.” – Marc
“Saying ‘you’re just a
’ turns a helpful tool into a weapon.” – Marc
“My curiosity wants me to learn. It’s one of my Gallup strengths—another assessment!” – Marc

 

🧰 Tools & Mentions

 

đŸŽș That Music!

Special thanks to Lexi Moreno, Caleb Pitman, and Zoe Czarnecki for the original music. Lexi Moreno: composing, mixing, mastering, guitar; Caleb Pitman: composing, mixing, trumpet; Zoe Czarnecki: bass.