Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas
Release Date: 12/25/2025
Giving What We Didn’t Get: Reimagining Father & Son Relationships, with Luke Sniewski & Warren McCaig
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young and J'aime Rothbard. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. The Men in the World series began by asking, “What happened to men?” It concludes by offering some honest perspectives on what becomes possible when men find their way back to themselves. Kevin, Warren and Luke are men who have done the work, are still doing the work, and have built their lives around supporting others to do the same. With J’aime holding space, the three men explore: - The affirmation economy: What happens when a man builds his entire life on other people's approval - Why it’s important...
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This World Was Not Built for Us: Unburdening & Building Brotherhood, with HawaH Kasat & Reggie Hubbard
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young & J'aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In addition to the personal weight of masculinity that all men carry, brown and black skinned men are burdened by additional collective weights that must be carried while navigating a world not built for them, in bodies that are policed, feared, criminalized and often murdered. In this episode, co-hosts Kevin and J'aime are joined by two remarkable men: HawaH Kasat and Reggie Hubbard. Together they explore the experiences of BIPOC men, and address: - The male loneliness epidemic - The alchemy that can occur...
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It’s Time to Step Up: An Ongoing Invitation, with Tony Coffey & Stephen Brown
The Gifts of Trauma
It’s Time to Step Up: An Ongoing Invitation, with Tony Coffey & Stephen Brown Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this episode, Kevin is joined by two friends and Compassionate Inquiry® colleagues for a full spectrum conversation that moves from desolation and helplessness, to grief, hope and laughter. They begin in grim terrain shaped by intergenerational trauma, measured by dismal statistics and broadcast through news stories and images of violence that shock us precisely because the perpetrators are so young. Then somehow, their focus shifts to...
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Nothing's Wrong with Boys & Men: An Appreciative Inquiry, with Susan Morgan
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard Researchers have studied it, governments have funded it, and schools have intervened. But 30 years later, boys are still falling behind in education. Why is this problem so ‘stubborn?’ Why has so little changed? In this episode, Susan talks about her work in the Taking Boys Seriously research project, Appreciative Inquiry, what actually works for boys, why it matters for the men they’ll become, and to society overall. She explains: - The "bricks in the backpack;" a compounded weight that can hold boys back - Why asking ‘what...
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The Boys We Were Never Allowed To Be, with Bret Hunt and Joe Baldock
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. Three men walk into a podcast. One tells a knock knock joke, then, somehow, all three end up delving into the disappearance of male genetic diversity, what it feels like to carry traumatized masculinity in the body, and whether compassion—rather than condemnation—might be the only thing that actually changes anything. In this first episode of the new Men in the World series, Kevin sits down with two grounded, conscious, refreshingly honest men; CI practitioners who are doing the work, asking the questions, and refusing to look...
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Griefs We're Denied: Nature, Climate, Land Loss… with Steffi Bednarek
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by: Rosemary Davies-Janes & Kevin Young What happens when grief isn't personal, when it belongs to the land, the climate, and the fractured relationship between humans and the living world? Join us as climate psychologist, systems thinker and trauma therapist, Steffi Bednarek moves this conversation from the personal to the planetary, and from the clinical to the deeply, wildly human. She suggests that our epidemic of depression, anxiety, and disconnection may not be a malfunction, but an unanswered call to an unnamed grief so large, Western psychology barely has the language for...
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When Survival Usurps Grief: Showing Up When the World Is on Fire, with James Gordon, MD & Diana Gharib
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this episode, Kevin is joined by James Gordon, MD, founder of the Center for Mind Body Medicine, whose teams have worked in Gaza, Kosovo, Syria, Bosnia, Northern Ireland and beyond, and Diana Garib, a clinical psychologist on the front-line in Beirut, recording live as conflict surrounds her. Together they explore: - What it looks like to show up for others when your own world is on fire - How humanizing the other can become the first act of healing - Why finding common ground—from shared grief to shared hummus—may be where peace...
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When Grief Is Stolen: Invasion, Colonization & Griefology, with Rosemary Wanganeen
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Kevin Young. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. If grief is the energy generated by loss, what happens to a people whose grief has been stolen for generations, and what becomes possible when we grieve our way home? In this episode, Rosemary Wanganeen, a Kaurna, Wirungu, and Koogatha Aboriginal woman and Australia's only griefologist, presents one of the most provocative perspectives explored in this series. She traces the suppression of grief and the ensuing psychopathic violence of Australia’s colonizers/invaders to a declaration by Plato in 388 BC—the...
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When Grief Doesn't Get a Funeral, with Dr Kenneth Doka, Maria de los Angeles Estrada & Ellie Davis
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J'aime Rothbard. If you’ve ever grieved an unrecognized loss, please join us to explore Disenfranchised Grief, the term Dr Doka coined over 35 years ago to describe the grief that rises when a loss isn't openly recognized, publicly mourned, or socially supported, and why so many of us—unkowingly—carry this form of grief. Drawing on his 50 years in the field, Dr Doka, along with Maria and Ellie who share their lived experiences of disenfranchised grief, unpack: - How grief (the energy generated by a significant loss) can show up...
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What We Don't Know About Grief, with Pam Sommer & Manisha Billimoria
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This gentle conversation launches a new series exploring death, loss and grief—experiences we all face yet are rarely taught to navigate. Our guests debunk grief ‘myths’, as it doesn't follow “5 Stages,” we can't “pre-grieve” and being told to "be brave" can trap grief in our body for decades. They also offer practical suggestions for supporting those who are grieving, and explain: - How grief can manifest in physical, emotional and mental issues - Why talking about the deceased is essential for the living -...
info_outlineHosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J’aime Rothbard.
This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles.
We also explore:
- The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can "Predict, Plan, Prepare, and Revise or Repair" potential issues.
- What’s required for ‘real repair
- How life changes, like adding a baby, tend to impact a relationship
- Co-regulation vs. Self-regulation
- Safety and Security: The bedrock of any successful relationship.
Stan also explains the unique communication challenges presented by technology (texting) and driving both of which lack the crucial visual cues co-regulation requires. “Never get into emotional conversations when driving because you will fight. We're legally blind. It can't work. So pull over.”
About Stan Tatkin
PsyD, MFT, Clinician, Author and Researcher
Dr. Tatkin was an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine, is the developer of ‘A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®’ (PACT) and with his wife, Dr. Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, co-founded the PACT Institute.
Stan maintains a private practice in Southern California, leads PACT programs in the US and internationally and is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and In Each Other’s Care.
About Leila Bahri-Lucas
MA, Counselor and Therapeutic Coach
Integrating Relational Life Therapy, Positive Psychology, Compassionate Inquiry and a Master’s in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health from King’s College London, Leila’s approach is trauma informed, emotionally precise, and grounded in real relational change.
Specializing in infertility, blended families, and the many challenges of family building. Leila supports couples through their most difficult moments. Based in Dubai, Leila works internationally with people who want to understand what drives disconnection and how real connection becomes possible again.
Promotional Message:
If you're interested in experiencing Gabor Maté's trauma healing approach, consider working with a certified Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner. Access healing support for mental, emotional and physical symptoms, unresolved trauma, relationship issues, addictions, and more. Use this link to access our global directory of multilingual certified professionals. In addition to their years of CI training and regular Certification reviews, our Practitioners bring the depth of their own personal lived experiences and skills in additional, complementary therapeutic approaches.
Resources
Websites:
Training:
Leila’s CI Circle (Starts 1/14/26)
No matter what we’re going through, infertility, relationship strain, blended-family transitions, loss, or simply feeling disconnected, these experiences shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They can create isolation, silence or distance, even in relationships that matter deeply. Leila’s upcoming CI Circle on Relating is a supportive space for all who want to explore these relational layers in a supportive community with honesty and care.
Videos:
TEDxKC Relationships Are Hard, But Why?
Welcome Home Exercise for Couples
The Architecture of Relationships
The Neurobiology of Thriving Relationships
Books:
Wired for Love (1st Edition: 2012, 2nd Edition: 2024)
In Each Other's Care (2023)
Baby Bomb (2021)
What Every Therapist Ought to Know (2021)
We Do (2018)
Relationship Rx (2018)
Wired for Dating (2016)
Your Brain on Love (2012)
Love and War in Intimate Relationships (2010)
Scattered Minds (2000)
Quotes:
“Couples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions and who will trigger for them all their unresolved emotional pain.” - Gabor Maté, Scattered Minds
“When we recite our relationship vows, perhaps we should say, I take you as my pain in the rear with all your history and baggage, and I take responsibility for all prior injustices you endured at the hands of those I never knew, because you are now in my care.” - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love
“We don't have to remain at the mercy of each other's runaway moods and feelings. Rather, as competent managers of our partners, we can become expert at moving, shifting, motivating, influencing, soothing and inspiring one another.” - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love
“They were too familiar to ignore, but too different to tolerate." - Yuval Noah Harari
“There's no perfect partner. What makes a partner right for you is a shared willingness to create a secure relationship. If you're both willing to go all in together, you are perfect for each other.”
- Stan Tatkin
Social Media
IG: @drstantatkin
@realwithleila
FB: https://www.facebook.com/PactTrainingInstitute
https://www.facebook.com/leilanyc
YT: @stanleytat
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-tatkin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/realwithleila/