Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas
Release Date: 12/25/2025
Paul Noiles on, The Malevolent Nature of Emotional Abuse
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. How do smart, accomplished people end up in emotionally abusive relationships without realizing it? As both a trauma coach and former victim, Paul illuminates how emotional abuse operates through fear, manipulation, and control—and why it's so difficult to recognize and name. He also touches on common signs; chronic invalidation, gaslighting, control disguised as concern, walking on eggshells, confusion, toxic shame, and how our earliest attachments can create susceptibility. In this...
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Mandy Rodstrom & Debbie Mason on, Creating Spaces for Stuttering to Exist
The Gifts of Trauma
Mandy Rodstrom & Debbie Mason on, Creating Spaces for Stuttering to Exist Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What if traditional fluency-focused approaches designed to "fix" stuttering cause more harm than healing? In this conversation, speech therapists Mandy Rodstrom and Debbie Mason share personal and clinical insights that reveal how trauma, nervous system dysregulation and social stigma profoundly impact those who stammer. They highlight the critical importance of connecting people who stutter with supportive communities where stuttering is welcomed and...
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Cat McCarthy on Emergent Authenticity & Rewriting Scripts
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What happens when we stop performing and start being? Cat guides us through her transformational journey from codependent conditioning to embodied authenticity. With wisdom drawn from 30+ years of yoga practice, plant medicine journeys, and navigating her own healing from Breast Cancer, Cat reveals why the answers we seek aren't outside ourselves, but waiting to be uncovered within. Cat reflects on: - How shedding her protective layers enabled her to access her true strength - Her expanded her capacity to be present, hold space for others...
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Zach Bush, MD & Eva Dalak on Relating to Our Original Imprint: Nature & Collective Healing.
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard & Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. What if the path to inner and outer peace—and to the survival of our species—runs through our biology, not just our psychology? In this bonus finale to our Relating Series, Eva and Zach guide us beyond the familiar terrain of human-to-human relating to the new ground of relating to our original imprint. This conversation weaves hard science with systems thinking and spiritual wisdom to show that rather than transcending our humanity, healing our separation wound is about fully embracing our original...
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Unsafe! Navigating Domestic, Public and Systemic Violence, with Dr Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John and Jordan Decker
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This vulnerable conversation continues exploring relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, as Vimalasara and Jordan share insights rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. Jordan reflects on the inner work required to create safety for others—unpacking his own trauma so he can hold space for someone else's. Vimalasara addresses the harsh realities of domestic violence in LGBTQ+ communities, highlighting the barriers to seeking help—being subjected to transphobia, homophobia, or violence in...
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Gender & Identity, From Unconscious to Conscious with Valerie (Vimalasara) Mason-John and Jordan Decker
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes and J’aime Rothbard. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This thought provoking conversation explores relating through the LGBTQ+ lens, but not only presented to that community. Instead it is a vulnerable and honest sharing in which Vimalarara and Jordan offer insights and perspectives rarely disclosed to the heteronormative population. In this inclusive episode they touch on the: - Use of pronouns can create a sense of safety and inclusion - Perspective of gender as a social construct rather than a personal identity - Historical impact of religious and...
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Reducing Relationship Issues Through Proactive Design & Planning, with Dr Stan Tatkin and Leila Bahri-Lucas
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles. We also explore: - The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can...
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Polyamory: Attachment, Trauma & Relational Growth Unpacked, with Jessica Fern, David Cooley & JP Bolhuis
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. This episode introduces Polyamory, a form of consensual non-monogamy, as a relational style involving multiple loving, consensual, romantic partners simultaneously. It emphasizes trust, open communication (as opposed to secretive ‘cheating’) and mutual agreement. Jessica and David, themselves polyamory practitioners and co-authors of two books on Polyamory, are joined by JP Bolhuis, a Psychosocial Therapist, Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner and Private Mentor who recently entered the world of polyamory. Jesica and David...
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Rethinking Sex Addiction: Trauma, Shame & Compulsive Sexuality, with Diana Safta & Silva Neves
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by J’aime Rothbard and Rosemary Davies-Janes. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this soft and flowing conversation, Silva Neves differentiates the term "sex addiction" from "sexual compulsivity," as addiction is an independent disorder, while compulsion arises from environmental distress. Like food, sex is a primary drive, and has a natural physiological stopping point not present in other addictions. The analogy of food and diverse cuisines to normalize conversations about sexuality, highlighting that different tastes and preferences in food are accepted, but similar...
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Healing Northern Ireland: From Personal Trauma to Societal Change, with Dr Paul Gallagher
The Gifts of Trauma
Hosted by Kevin Young. Produced by J’aime Rothbard. In this conversation, Kevin introduces us to Dr Paul Gallagher, a lecturer in trauma studies at Cork University who started his formal education at age 40, after a significant "gap" in his life. Born in Belfast in 1972 at the height of "The Troubles," Paul recounts growing up in a war zone, where at 21, his home was invaded and his family held hostage. During this attack, he was shot and paralysed, and while physical and medical care were provided, psychological support was not. Paul highlights: - The crucial roles of...
info_outlineHosted by Rosemary Davies-Janes & Leila Bahri-Lucas. Produced by J’aime Rothbard.
This episode reminds us that the unconscious processes that drive humans, our memories and survival instincts, often lead to misunderstandings and reactive behaviors. Consequently, most relationship issues, while they may seem personal, actually stem from our innate drives. Stan outlines that rather than being approached casually, successful relationships require deliberate design, shared purpose, defined roles, and agreed-upon principles.
We also explore:
- The PPPRRR Approach: Couples can "Predict, Plan, Prepare, and Revise or Repair" potential issues.
- What’s required for ‘real repair
- How life changes, like adding a baby, tend to impact a relationship
- Co-regulation vs. Self-regulation
- Safety and Security: The bedrock of any successful relationship.
Stan also explains the unique communication challenges presented by technology (texting) and driving both of which lack the crucial visual cues co-regulation requires. “Never get into emotional conversations when driving because you will fight. We're legally blind. It can't work. So pull over.”
About Stan Tatkin
PsyD, MFT, Clinician, Author and Researcher
Dr. Tatkin was an assistant clinical professor at UCLA, David Geffen School of Medicine, is the developer of ‘A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®’ (PACT) and with his wife, Dr. Tracey Boldemann-Tatkin, PhD, co-founded the PACT Institute.
Stan maintains a private practice in Southern California, leads PACT programs in the US and internationally and is the author of We Do, Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Relationship Rx, Wired for Dating, What Every Therapist Ought to Know, and co-author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, and In Each Other’s Care.
About Leila Bahri-Lucas
MA, Counselor and Therapeutic Coach
Integrating Relational Life Therapy, Positive Psychology, Compassionate Inquiry and a Master’s in Psychology and Neuroscience of Mental Health from King’s College London, Leila’s approach is trauma informed, emotionally precise, and grounded in real relational change.
Specializing in infertility, blended families, and the many challenges of family building. Leila supports couples through their most difficult moments. Based in Dubai, Leila works internationally with people who want to understand what drives disconnection and how real connection becomes possible again.
Promotional Message:
If you're interested in experiencing Gabor Maté's trauma healing approach, consider working with a certified Compassionate Inquiry Practitioner. Access healing support for mental, emotional and physical symptoms, unresolved trauma, relationship issues, addictions, and more. Use this link to access our global directory of multilingual certified professionals. In addition to their years of CI training and regular Certification reviews, our Practitioners bring the depth of their own personal lived experiences and skills in additional, complementary therapeutic approaches.
Resources
Websites:
Training:
Leila’s CI Circle (Starts 1/14/26)
No matter what we’re going through, infertility, relationship strain, blended-family transitions, loss, or simply feeling disconnected, these experiences shape how we relate to ourselves and others. They can create isolation, silence or distance, even in relationships that matter deeply. Leila’s upcoming CI Circle on Relating is a supportive space for all who want to explore these relational layers in a supportive community with honesty and care.
Videos:
TEDxKC Relationships Are Hard, But Why?
Welcome Home Exercise for Couples
The Architecture of Relationships
The Neurobiology of Thriving Relationships
Books:
Wired for Love (1st Edition: 2012, 2nd Edition: 2024)
In Each Other's Care (2023)
Baby Bomb (2021)
What Every Therapist Ought to Know (2021)
We Do (2018)
Relationship Rx (2018)
Wired for Dating (2016)
Your Brain on Love (2012)
Love and War in Intimate Relationships (2010)
Scattered Minds (2000)
Quotes:
“Couples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions and who will trigger for them all their unresolved emotional pain.” - Gabor Maté, Scattered Minds
“When we recite our relationship vows, perhaps we should say, I take you as my pain in the rear with all your history and baggage, and I take responsibility for all prior injustices you endured at the hands of those I never knew, because you are now in my care.” - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love
“We don't have to remain at the mercy of each other's runaway moods and feelings. Rather, as competent managers of our partners, we can become expert at moving, shifting, motivating, influencing, soothing and inspiring one another.” - Stan Tatkin, Wired for Love
“They were too familiar to ignore, but too different to tolerate." - Yuval Noah Harari
“There's no perfect partner. What makes a partner right for you is a shared willingness to create a secure relationship. If you're both willing to go all in together, you are perfect for each other.”
- Stan Tatkin
Social Media
IG: @drstantatkin
@realwithleila
FB: https://www.facebook.com/PactTrainingInstitute
https://www.facebook.com/leilanyc
YT: @stanleytat
LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stan-tatkin/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/realwithleila/