#MentalHealthMonday - Your Feelings Are Welcome, The Behavior Is Not

#MentalHealthMonday -
Your Feelings Are Welcome, The Behavior Is Not

Hi friends—welcome back to The Meredith Patterson Podcast. I’m Meredith, and today we’re diving into a powerful mindset and practice that can change how you lead, love, and live: “Your feelings are welcome. The behavior is not.”

Here’s what I mean. All feelings are valid. Anger, jealousy, grief, shame, joy, excitement—every emotion is a messenger. But while feelings deserve room at the table, not every behavior gets a seat. There is a time and a place, and our job as adults is to feel fully and choose our actions wisely.

This episode is not medical advice; it’s education and support. Take what serves you, and talk to a professional if you need more personalized care.

 

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Feelings vs. Urges vs. Behavior

Let’s separate three things we often blur together:

• Feeling: the internal experience—tight chest, heat in the face, sadness behind the eyes.

• Urge: the impulse that follows—slam the door, send the text, shut down.

• Behavior: the action you actually take—or don’t take.

Key truth: Feelings aren’t problems to fix; they’re signals to listen to. Urges are temporary waves. Behavior is the part you control.

A helpful reframe: “My anger is welcome; yelling is not.”
Or, “My anxiety is welcome; avoidance and ghosting are not.”

 

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Why We “Flip”—a quick brain primer

When we feel threatened or overwhelmed, our brain’s alarm system fires. Concentration narrows, and impulse control drops. That’s why good people sometimes do unhelpful things. It’s not a character flaw—it’s a nervous system in overdrive.

So the move is not to shame the feeling—it’s to regulate the body so the thinking brain comes back online, and you can choose behavior you’re proud of.

 

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The 60–90 Second Reset Menu

Before you respond, regulate. Try one of these quick resets and pick your favorite for the week:

1. Physiological sigh: two small inhales through the nose, one long exhale through the mouth. Repeat 3–5 times.

2. Name it to tame it: “I’m noticing anger and a fast heartbeat.” Labeling helps the intensity drop.

3. Move it: brisk walk, 10 wall pushups, shake out hands and jaw for 60 seconds.

4. Cold water splash or cool compress on the back of your neck or palms.

5. Box breath: inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4 (four rounds).

You’re telling your system: “We’re safe. We can choose.”

 

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The F-A-C-T-S Framework
(feel → choose → act)

Here’s a simple flow you can keep on your phone:

• F — Feel it. Where is it in your body? Heat, tension, fluttering?

• A — Allow it. “This feeling is allowed.” No arguing with your own biology.

• C — Clarify the need. What is this emotion protecting or asking for—respect, rest, reassurance, repair?

• T — Time & place. Decide when/where to address it. Now, later today, or tomorrow at 10?

• S — Skillful behavior. Choose the action that honors your value and the relationship.

 

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Behavior Boundaries—your “Always/Never” list

Create a tiny code of conduct for heated moments. Keep it short and visible.

Always:

• Speak in “I” statements.

• Ask for a pause if flooded.

• Return to finish the conversation.

Never:

• Name-calling, sarcasm, or threats.

• Text-fighting big topics.

• Bringing up past conflicts to score points.

Post this where you’ll see it—fridge, notes app, studio wall.

 

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Scripts You Can Use

When you’re flooded:

“I want to handle this well. I’m too activated to do that right now. I’m going to take 20 minutes and come back at 6:30.”

With a partner or friend:

“My feelings are loud and I care about us. I’m going to press pause so I don’t say something I’ll regret. Can we revisit after dinner?”

At work:

“I’m committed to solving this. I need a beat to think clearly. Let’s regroup at 2:00 with two options on the table.”

With a child/teen:

“It’s okay to feel angry. It’s not okay to throw. Let’s stomp our feet together for 10 seconds, then use words.”

Self-talk:

“My jealousy wants attention. I’m not going to scroll-spy. I’m going to take a walk and then ask for reassurance directly.”

 

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After a Misstep—Repair in 3 Steps

We’re human. When behavior slips, repair ASAP:

1. Own it: “I raised my voice. That’s on me.”

2. Name the impact: “That probably felt scary/disrespectful.”

3. State the plan: “Next time I’ll pause and text, ‘I need 20 minutes.’ Can we try again?”

Repair doesn’t erase—but it rebuilds trust.

 

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Micro-Practices that Build the Muscle

Daily 2-minute reps:

• Body scan + label: “Tight chest—anxiety.” Hand to heart, 3 slow breaths.

• Journaling prompt: “Right now I feel ____. It’s here to tell me ____.”

• Behavior rehearsal: Visualize your next hard moment and practice your pause line out loud.

• Connection: Send one honest, kind text. Co-regulation is real.

Weekly 10-minute check-in:

• What feeling showed up most?

• What boundary did I keep? Where did I slip?

• What’s my one cue for next week? (Alarm label, sticky note, lock screen.)

 

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Common Traps & Gentle Reframes

• Trap: “If I allow this feeling, it’ll take over.”
  Reframe: Feelings pass faster when acknowledged than when suppressed.

• Trap: “If I don’t react, I’m weak.”
  Reframe: Pausing is not passivity; it’s precision.

• Trap: “They made me behave this way.”
  Reframe: Others can trigger; only you choose behavior.

 

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Challenge & Call to Action

Here’s your one-week challenge:

1. Write your ‘Always/Never’ list and share it with one person who can cheer you on.

2. Choose one reset from the menu and practice it daily—even when calm.

3. Pick a pause sentence and save it as a phone snippet. Use it once this week.

If this episode helped, share it with someone who might need language for big feelings and better choices. Tag me so I can celebrate your wins. And remember—Bliss is your birthright. When you welcome your feelings and lead your behavior, you protect your peace and your relationships.

Thank you for listening to The Meredith Patterson Podcast. If you want the printable “FACTS Framework” and my sample scripts, check the show notes. I’m proud of you.