Rule One: Read the Book

Episode One – Read The Book 

Words carry weight.

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Follow us on @TheKeeperPod to keep updated, or find us on bandcamp at thekeeperpod.bandcamp.com.  

This episode featured Laura Jeffs as Leigh, Duncan Hallis as Dylan and Tobias Weatherburn as Ian. This episode was written and directed by Becca Lidstone, with sound design and original score by Oliver Morris.  

Special Thanks: Kate L, Bob L, Jacqui W, Doug W, Nathan L, Iris L, Josh W, Ellie B, Rich H, Ella W, Amber D, Ross M, Jordan DW, Chrissie J and Nye RT.  

Content Warnings 

This episode explores themes of horror, with body horror suggestions as well as implied danger. There is swearing. Rats, Cockroaches, Misophonia, Violence and Misogyny are present.  

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Episode Transcript

Scene One 

[Introduction music plays. Chaotic, with xylophone and glockenspiel notes overlaying each other. It is reminiscent of mineral water dripping from stalactites in a cave.] 

[A phone rings twice. Leigh answers the phone with an ‘aha!’ as she finishes searching for it. She is in a busy office with background noise. We do not hear the other person on the phone] 

[Leigh speaks with a slight accent reminiscent of the South West of England, and a slight Welsh twang on certain words.] 

LEIGH: Jeremy! Oh my gosh I haven’t heard from you in ages! How's things in the Mendips? 

Yeah of course I miss it, but I’ve got bills to pay, not everyone’s as lucky as you.  

-What? retired? Gone off grid? I mean, I don’t blame him but-  

I can be in Brecon Friday! Middle of nowhere, limited interaction with the public. Dream. I’ll take it.  

-Ooh, hang on. Hang on, let me get a pen. Erm... 

[Leigh searches for a pen. She writes the following with a pen in her mouth.] 

OK, er, Boilers on the blink… Internet is spotty… Septic tank needs pumping…  

[Leigh finishes writing, and replaces the cap on the pen.] 

I mean look, anything’s better than here.   

No worries, I’ll be there Friday! Cheers Jeremy!  

[Leigh hangs the phone up. She sighs in excitement.] 

Whuh. Best get a move on then! 

Scene Two 

[Music plays, an electric guitar playing a gentle tune. A car drives through the mountains over gravel roads. It begins to rain. Thunder can be heard rumbling in the distance] 

[A news bulletin plays over the car radio. It is staticky] 

[The newsreader speaks in a thick North Walian accent.] 

NEWSREADER: Prynhawn da a croeso i’r newyddion at un. Mae na wedi bod adroddiadau yn dod mewn o teulu lleol yn dweud bod anifeiliad ferm yn mynd ar goll o fermiau o gwmpas Aberhonddu. Mwy ar rhaglen heno…. 

[The car radio loses signal and plays static, before being switched off.] 

[The car begins to slow down as it drives over a cattlegrid. The engine begins to splutter] 

LEIGH: It’s barely nine! 

[The car engine stops, and the car door opens heavily. Leigh steps out into a muddy puddle with a squelch.] 

LEIGH: Seriously? 

[Leigh slams the car door and begins to walk over the mud and gravel towards a group of men chatting. It is raining heavily, and thunder is clapping loudly, getting closer.] 

LEIGH: Right. Come on then. 

[Men are chattering, with no distinct voices or comments. Dylan begins to speak. He has a posh English accent and speaks with both authority and arrogance.] 

DYLAN: -past the traverses, then we’re going to head through gnome passage until reach the corkscrew, er, down through the maypole until we get to the Oxbow. Now, once there, we’ll turn around and be back here by 5, that’s enough time for you to get to your date, Hugo. 

[The group of men jeer and cheer at Hugo, clapping him on the back.] 

DYLAN: No mate, you’re going to smash it. Go on. 

LEIGH: Hey gang, heading up the mountain?  

DYLAN: Oh! Alright love, you must be Kimberley, Ian was telling us about, you’re the new Keeper, right? We’re about to head off, we've got the keys, I’ve sorted our survey out already, everything’s all sorted - 

LEIGH: -It's Leigh and yes, I am the new Keeper. Looks like you’re all raring to go, but I need to get you all logged in and signed out first.   

DYLAN: Oh, yeah, Ian never really made us go through all that, we’re here most weekends so-  

LEIGH: -That’s nice, but I’m not Ian.  

[a clap of thunder, getting closer.] 

LEIGH: I need you all to follow process. The cave will still be there in half an hour. Get your group and follow me.  

[Leigh starts walking away, towards a stone cottage, over gravel. Dylan follows behind, his footsteps slower. The group of men begin to mumble indistinctly.]   

LEIGH: Is your mate over there waiting for something or-  

DYLAN: Nope, just us today love. Listen, I know it’s your-  

LEIGH: -first day here, yes, but not my first day doing this. So, if anything goes wrong, it’s on me. Give me 5 minutes to get my bearings, we can fill out the forms and you can be on your way.   

[A set of keys jangle as Leigh takes them out of her pocket. She unlocks the door to the cottage and a small set of bells tinkle as the door is pushed open.]  

DYLAN: [Clearing his throat]. Kim, babes, look, we’ve already done that. Ian gave us the keys so we’ve signed everything and we’ve left it in the rec. We’ll be checking the stone circle before we head in, the water levels in the stream at bottom entrance, they’re low, right so we’re not anticipating any flooding, and we’re not kitted for climbs or sumps so we’re staying away from those areas-  

LEIGH: -Fine, fine.  If you’re not on the mountain path by 5.30 I’ll call in Mountain Rescue.  

DYLAN: Cheers Love! Right, come on you lot, we're gonna head out. Let’s go!  

[The group of men begin talking excitedly.] 

[Leigh sighs.] 

LEIGH: Great first impression. Damn those cavers.  

[Leigh opens the door to the cottage properly, the bells on the doorframe tinkle.] 

LEIGH: Right. Let’s see what I’m getting myself into then.   

Scene 3 

[A kettle whistles as it boils. Leigh rushes across wooden floorboards towards it] 

LEIGH: Coming! Coming! 

[The kettle stops whistling as it is taken off the heat. Hot water is poured into a mug.] 

LEIGH: Huh. 

[A piece of paper is picked up. Leigh reads aloud.]  

LEIGH: “For the potential Keeper”.“Dear Miss Kimberley.”    

Urgh, Miss Kimberley.   

“I hope your journey was pleasant and I wish I was there to welcome you back to this beautiful corner of the world. I know you’re likely to have questions. The book on the desk should have everything you need to know, but I wanted to personally give you a heads up.  

[Ian’s voice is slowly overlayed on top of Leigh’s. Ian speaks with a deep South Walian accent, melodic and calming.] 

LEIGH & IAN: You should know what you’re getting into before you accept the post. Bannau Brycheiniog is old land, and those who live here are stuck in their ways.   

IAN: Old land is land that is ancient. Before stories were told and before us humans crawled out of the water, this land was here. And the creatures that call this land home are very precious of it. We’re just visitors here, but this is their home, and they’ve been here longer than we can imagine.  

[A version of the title music plays, with violins and cellos instead of rhythm instruments. Drips of calcite from stalagmites echoed off cave walls is in the background.] 

IAN: The mists that roll off the mountains in the morning, the water that flows through the caves, the moss that crawls over the boots left outside, it’s all alive and it’s all magic. Magic in an ancient way that sends shivers down your spine.   

Most of it is good. It likes what we’re doing and the care I... The care  we give for this place. A few small offerings won’t go amiss but they’ll do no harm.  

[A bell chimes and a candle is lit with a match] 

IAN: There must always be balance in these old lands, and for everything good there's something that’s not. The book will give you more details, but I promise, it’s real. All of it.   

I love this land, and everything that inhabits it. But I made a mistake, and I had to leave. Please, don’t make those same mistakes.   

If this is all too much for you by this point, then by all means walk away, you won’t be stopped.  

[The sounds of the cave are slowly replaced with the sounds of a stream running and birds singing.] 

Read the book to make a better informed decision, but you’ll need to be gone by sun-down. The creatures here follow old traditions, and if you stay the night in the Keepers hut, you’ll be seen as The Keeper. If you don’t want this, don’t say it. Don’t introduce yourself, don’t do anything a Keeper would do, and don’t be here when the sun dips below the horizon…”   

LEIGH: Well Fuck.   

[Leight walks across the floorboards to sit in a comfy armchair.] 

LEIGH & IAN: “There’s a list of household chores on the fridge, and downstairs you’ll have seen the maps and surveys. The computer is connected to dial-up and the emergency radio is set to 12.5FM.” 

IAN: “Our call sign is DRAGON”  

LEIGH: A bit on the nose.  

IAN: “I truly hope you’ll love this land as I did, but young eyes are what's needed now. I wish you all the luck in whatever you choose. Ian”.  

LEIGH: Well. Looks like I’ve taken this job whether I like it or not. Great work Leigh.  

[Leigh slurps her tea] 

LEIGH: I should have put whisky in this.   

[Leigh stands up out of the comfy chair and walks across the wooden floorboards towards the kitchen. She washes her mug out.] 

LEIGH: I can see the group of cavers from earlier out the window making their way up the mountain. Six of them in red and blue drysuits, one hanging further back in yellow. They’ve got seven hours down Glan Ogof, enough time for me to get to grips with this ‘old land’ thing.   

LEIGH: It’s actually a pretty nice space here. The centre looks like it’s been built from a row of terraced mining cottages, and while the first cottage is purely for rec use, the downstairs of the other two have been turned into a command centre of sorts while upstairs is my own space.  

[Leigh opens doors as she explores. They are old but do not creak.] 

LEIGH: I have a bedroom, a bathroom, a kitchen and a sitting room with an open fire. No TV, but an old radio I can use to break the silence when I’m reading. 

[Leigh switches the radio on. It plays a calm beat in the background.] 

LEIGH: Or when I’m feeling like this…  

[Leigh walks back into the kitchen over the floorboards.] 

LEIGH: There’s a piece of lined paper on the fridge, another one of Ian’s notes.   

LEIGH: “Logs for the fire are kept in the wood store outside, new firewood will be left by the store every other Tuesday”.  

LEIGH: “Milk is delivered every morning in the blue crate past the front gate, don’t leave the crate inside the grounds.” 

LEIGH: “Water the plants every other day except Sundays. Keep the rosemary bushes watered daily.” 

[The radio begins to emit static.] 

LEIGH: “Put fresh water in the bird baths when they’ve dried up. The long stone outside also has a bowl of water, keep that topped up with water from the stream.”   

[The wind picks up outside, whistling through the kitchen window.] 

LEIGH: “On Sundays, clean the windowsills with the oil in the top cabinet drawer and sprinkle some salt on the sills and steps around the cottages. It keeps more than slugs away”. 

I’m starting to think that Ian was more than a bit paranoid. Oh, there’s even more on the back…  

‘If you ever feel like someone else has entered, use the kit in the top cabinet drawer right away.’  

[Leigh snorts in amusement.] 

LEIGH: Sure.  

[The static builds, until the kitchen window slams open with a gust of wind. The radio NEWSREADER shouts Leigh’s name.” 

LEIGH: Oh, bloody window. 

[Leigh walks to the kitchen window and closes it. The radio static stops immediately and continues playing music.] 

LEIGH: I can’t see the caving group any more, they must have made it to the top entrance.   

Scene Four 

[Music plays, gentle electric guitar. The weather has cleared, birds are singing and there is a gentle breeze. The cottage door opens, bells tinkle before the door closes again.” 

LEIGH: It’s so quiet here. Fresh air fills my lungs with energy and all I want to do is explore, but that damned group is stopping me from heading out.  

[A twig is broken as Leigh steps out.] 

LEIGH:  All I can see for miles ahead of me is the beauty of the Beacons. That and the old slate wall marking the boundary between me and the wilderness of Bannau Brycheiniog.   

In the centre of this little garden, away from the vegetable patch, I can see the long stone Ian mentioned. A pewter bowl surrounded by some dried leaves and other bits of garden detritus.   

I suppose now is as good a time as any to fill it.  

[A bowl clinks as it is picked up. A small wooden gate is opened. Leigh walks over the grass until she reaches a small stream, slightly engorged from the recent rain.  

LEIGH: This seems to be a source point for whatever river this turns out to be. Must be the same stream that runs through the caves around here. I bet the hedgehogs like having something to drink from.   

This place is breathtaking. 

[The bowl is filled with water. Leigh sighs in contentment.] 

LEIGH: I’m home.  

[Leigh walks back over the grass to the garden, not shutting the gate. She replaces the bowl.] 

Scene Five 

[The cottage door shuts, the bells tinkle quietly outside. The radio can be heard from upstairs. Leighs footsteps are heavy as she takes her coat off and drops it on the floor.” 

LEIGH: Right. Actual work time. So the ‘command centre’ makes up the majority of the space down here, one wall is dominated by a massive whiteboard for emergency route planning.  

[A calendar on the wall is flicked through slowly.] 

There’s only one group on the calendar, and nothing marked over the weekend. Okay! Gives me time to explore.  

Ooh, and do a food shop.   

One wall is filled with bookcases, stuffed with books and maps, and the back wall has a few large cave maps on display. I can see the features the group were talking about earlier on one of them, the gnome passage and the maypole clearly marked.   

[Leigh walks over to a desk with an old computer, which hums and jitters as it runs. Small creatures like rats or mice can be heard skittering.] 

LEIGH: Under the window is a desk with a computer I haven’t seen since year 11 ICT. This beige relic is apparently my link to the internet, seeing as I hardly get mobile signal here, let alone 5g. I wanted this solitude, so I can’t complain.  

[Leigh walks around the room. Static from the computer and the radio begins to merge.] 

LEIGH: The book is upstairs, but I don’t think I’m ready for that yet.   

[Leigh walks quickly out the cottage, opening and closing the door deliberately. The bells on the door tinkle in response. Footsteps over gravel as Leigh walks away to the Rec Centre.] 

LEIGH: The left cottage has been turned into a rec centre.  

[Leigh opens and closes the door to a larger empty space, her voice echoing off the walls.] 

LEIGH: This main room is filled with comfy sofas, a key safe, and there’s an open kitchen with a tea urn and a microwave.   

[Leigh walks into the kitchen and opens one of the cabinet doors.] 

LEIGH: Less of a kitchen. More of a mug shrine.  

[Leigh closes the cupboard door.] 

LEIGH: Laminated signs remind visitors to keep the place clean and tidy, sweep and mop after a visit and leave bins and recycling in the bin-store on the front road. Huh. ‘Under no circumstances are visitors permitted to stay overnight on the grounds. The closest campsite is 2 miles away on Pen-yr-Allt.’ What’s upstairs if it’s not dorms like in other centres?  

Ah, there’s that paperwork the cavers left me.   

[Paperwork is shuffled.] 

LEIGH: Looks like all the right details are here. Route, home location, contact numbers. Right now they should be past the corkscrew, and heading further down the stream. Another hour and they’ll start heading back.   

LEIGH: Wait…  

[Leigh’s voice is heard aloud as she mutters. It echoes off the empty room.] 

LEIGH: What the fuck?  

They’ve only signed for six people?   

[A haunting, tense note begins to play, reminiscent of the static on the radio.] 

[Leigh hurries back out of the rec centre, her footsteps hurried. She walks along the gravel and opens the cottage door, the bell tinkling, before the door is slammed.  

LEIGH: I knew they were arseholes. Can’t deal with a woman being in charge, but this is…  

[Leigh stomps over to a rotary phone hanging on the wall of the command centre.] 

LEIGH: I mean, what if they have an accident? This is why we do paperwork, it’s not a fun day out, this is the difference between life and-  

[Leigh begins to dial a number, uttering the final digits out loud. The dial whirrs and clicks.] 

LEIGH: -6, 234.  

[A dial tone followed by the phone ringing.] 

LEIGH: Come on, pick up.   

[The ringing stops abruptly. The music increases in intensity and tension.] 

LEIGH: Hey, Hi. It’s Leigh, from the Brecon Keepers Centre. I’ve got this number listed as a contact for Dylan Greenhook. He’s leading a team down Glan Ogof today.  

Yes, they’re still underground from what I can tell. I just wanted to check how many numbers you’ve got going down on your side?  

Six. OK. Thanks for that. I’ve got paperwork for six but there was a seventh when they signed in this morning and I’ve got no details for them.  

Anyway, thanks again.  

[Leigh hangs up the phone, it clicks back into place. Leigh grunts in anger.] 

[The tension increases in the music, and Leigh’s earlier line of ‘damn those cavers’ is heard over the music.] 

Scene Six 

[The tension of the previous scene is halted abruptly by a large cow mooing very close by. The stream can be heard, and birds are chirping happily.] 

LEIGH: I saw the little group over the horizon about 20 minutes ago, so they should be here soon.  

[The group of men from earlier can be heard getting closer, their conversation indistinct.] 

LEIGH: Well, I hope they enjoyed their last little underground journey for-  

[Rushed footsteps over the gravel as Leigh hurries to the group.] 

LEIGH: [Shouting] Oi! OI! Where’s the other guy? The one in the yellow? Why didn’t you call it in?   

DYLAN: Sorry love, what are you on about, this is all of us?  

LEIGH: No, I saw him hanging around behind you when I arrived, and I counted you all as you went up this morning.  

DYLAN: [Laughs] 

LEIGH: Don’t bullshit me just because I’m new.  

DYLAN: Sure love, first day jitters is it? Look, I think someones had too much coffee. Listen, We’re tired from caving all day so we’re going to go shower and get changed- 

[Leigh approaches Dylan and shoves him back.] 

LEIGH: Don’t you dare. I’m the Keeper of this place, not Ian and certainly not you. I know what I saw and I know you’ve broken club regs by- 

[The sound of a smack is heard over the sounds of nature. It sounds violent and escalated.]  

[Dylan’s voice changes, morphs into something wet, otherworldly. He smacks his teeth, sucking his cheeks and tongue.] 

DYLAN: I told you love, it’s just the six of us. Now let us past so we can get cleaned up, we’ve got more important things to do, not stand around talking to some crazy lady.  

LEIGH: Fine. You’re all banned for the season. 

[The men interject with negative sentiment. Dylan’s voice returns to normal.] 

DYLAN: You can’t do that! We didn’t pick anyone up. Listen, I promise! It was always just the six of us!  

LEIGH: I don’t care. Key. Now.  

DYLAN: Love I'm not bullshitting you…  

[Leigh’s voice changes with authority. Ian’s voice as well as other indistict male voices overlay her command.] 

LEIGH: Now.   

Scene Seven 

[The fire in the cottage crackles gently as the radio plays music quietly. A clock ticks. Leigh is entering from a different room, before she sits back in the comfortable armchair.] 

LEIGH: And now I’m the big scary lady who banned Ian’s mates from pissing about here every week. I watched as they dejectedly got into their minivan and drove away. Any second now they’ll slow back down to pick up Yellow-Jacket-Tourist so they can drop him off in the town. I bet they’ve left the rec in a state, but that’s a job for tomorrow.   

Right, I suppose I should read this bloody book. It’s too late for me to ‘quit the job’ according to Ian’s note, probably some sort of test to make sure I stick around to keep his mates happy.   

Right. Brecon Keepers Centre: Rules and Regs. A nice bit of light reading to send me to sleep.  

[Leigh picks up the book, the effort evident in her voice.] 

LEIGH: God this book's heavy, a black bound journal that’s clearly handwritten, but not just by Ian.  

[The book is opened and pages rustle, the paper thin.] 

LEIGH: Okay. Rule number One: Read the book before performing any Keeper duties.   

Well I’ve clearly broken that one.  

Rule Number Two: If any group appears to be being followed by a visitor in a Yellow Jacket, advise them to visit another day. Further information on this creature- 

What? Creature? Okay…  

[More pages rustle as they are flipped. Music begins to play, gentle but haunting strings, the same as when Ian was speaking earlier.] 

LEIGH: Gwcwr-Ogof? 

[Ian’s voice enters as she reads.] 

IAN: Gwcwr-Ogof. First recorded sighting 1912 while replicating a farmer. Recent sightings report it masquerading as a tourist in a yellow raincoat. The Gwcwr-Ogof makes itself known by attempting to blend in with a group of cavers. It will choose a victim and segregate them from the group before incapacitating them. The Gwcwr-Ogof will replicate the victims vocal patterns in an attempt to evade notice. Upon surfacing, it will integrate itself into the group before leaving. The victim will be devoured by the Gwcwr-Ogof upon its return. It has been known to take orders from The Keeper and can interpret instructions in a cyclical manner. If you suspect a member of a caving group is being targeted, advise them to cancel the descent. No victims have ever been found alive.  

[The music fades. The room is silent.] 

LEIGH: Oh. Oh fuck. 

[Title music plays.] 

EPISODE END 

BECCA: Thank you for listening to Episode One of The Keeper. Leigh was played by Laura Jeffs, Dylan by Duncan Hallis, and Ian by Tobias Weatherburn. The show was written and directed by Becca Lidstone. Sound Design and Composing was provided by Oliver Morris. Additional sound was provided by Peter Collings-Wells. Artwork was provided by Daykin Design. Recorded at Cobra Music Studios, Newport. This show was produced by you, through crowdfunding, word of mouth, and hope. Thank you to our wonderful supporters and donators, who without your support we wouldn’t have been able to create this. If you like this episode, it’s available to purchase on Bandcamp. We’ll be applying for further funding to continue to create this story, so please keep an ear out on our socials for future news.  

Diolch yn fawr.