#33: The Silent Contract: The Hidden Agreements That Undermine Great Leaders

🎙️ The Silent Contract: How Unspoken Expectations Derail Leadership

Every leader has signed a contract they never knew existed.

It’s not written on paper or sealed with ink — it’s written in assumptions, expectations, and silent frustrations. This week on the MPWR Podcast, Eric Pfeiffer and Director of Content, Dawn Neldon dive deep into one of the most overlooked dynamics in leadership: the silent contract — those unspoken agreements we subconsciously make with our teams, colleagues, and even ourselves that quietly shape every interaction and often lead to miscommunication, disappointment, and burnout.

We call them “contracts” because that’s exactly what they are. You expect someone to know what you meant, how fast to move, or what standard to meet — but you never said it out loud. Then, when that invisible contract gets broken, you label it as incompetence or lack of follow-through. The result? Frustration builds. Trust erodes. Teams fracture.

 

As Eric puts it in this episode:

“Most frustration in leadership comes from contracts that no one knew they signed.”

 

This conversation goes far beyond the typical leadership clichés about communication and accountability. It’s about recognizing that expectations are silent agreements, and those silent agreements are the breeding ground of most tension in professional and personal relationships.

In this raw and insightful discussion, Dawn and Eric explore the invisible architecture that shapes leadership culture. They don’t just diagnose the problem — they share their own stories, the ones that reveal just how easy it is to slip into silent contracting without realizing it.

Dawn opens up about the moment she realized she was holding people accountable for standards she never clearly communicated:

 

“We’re handing people a test they didn’t even know they were taking and then grading them as if they did.”

 

That line hits hard because it’s true for all of us. Leaders often operate under the illusion of clarity — assuming that because something is clear in their mind, it must be clear in everyone else’s. But as Dawn and Eric unpack, clarity doesn’t come from thought; it comes from expression. If it’s not spoken, it’s not agreed upon.

 

Eric goes on to explain how he recognized this same pattern not just in leadership, but in life:

“After a variety of cycles through marriage counseling, therapy — all kinds of stuff — I realized one of the most common tensions in any relationship has to do with unmet expectations.”

 

The parallel is undeniable: whether in boardrooms or marriages, unspoken expectations create emotional distance. When those invisible agreements are broken, we don’t just feel disappointed — we feel betrayed, even though no promise was ever actually made.

What if the key to becoming a better leader isn’t learning new strategies, but unlearning the habit of silent contracting?

This episode doesn’t just raise awareness; it invites transformation. Dawn and Eric challenge you to become ruthlessly honest about your internal contracts — the ones you’ve made with your team, your partner, your clients, and yourself.

They share actionable insights to help you break the cycle of assumption and rebuild your leadership foundation on transparency and trust:

 

1. Name the Contract.
   Awareness is the first step. What expectations have you never voiced? Write them down. Identify the silent “shoulds” driving your frustration.

2. Communicate Before You Calculate.
   Before you judge someone’s performance, ask: Did I communicate this clearly? Did we agree on the same definition of success?

3. Replace Expectation with Agreement.
   Expectations are one-sided; agreements are mutual. Build agreements with your team that are explicit, shared, and revisited often.

4. Create a Culture of Curiosity.
   Replace blame with inquiry. Instead of “Why didn’t you do this?”, try “Can you tell me what you understood about what was needed?”

5. Lead with Grace.
   Every silent contract broken is a chance to lead better — not with control, but with compassion.

 

They remind us that leadership isn’t about micromanagement or control; it’s about creating shared understanding.

 

“It’s not miscommunication. It’s a missing conversation.”

 

That’s the heart of this episode — a call to open those missing conversations.

If you’ve ever found yourself frustrated with your team, your partner, or your organization and thought, “They should just know…”, this episode is your mirror. It will challenge you to confront your own silent contracts and replace them with intentional agreements that foster connection, accountability, and real alignment.

 

This episode will leave you asking the right questions:

• What expectations am I holding that I’ve never said out loud?

• Who am I holding accountable to a contract they never signed?

• And what would happen if I led with clarity instead of assumption?

Because the truth is, leadership isn’t just about results — it’s about relationships. And relationships thrive when the contracts are clear.

If you’ve ever felt like your leadership efforts were misunderstood, your communication fell flat, or your team wasn’t meeting your expectations; this conversation is your blueprint for change.

 

Final Takeaway

Silent contracts are everywhere — in workplaces, homes, and communities. The moment you learn to recognize them, you reclaim your power to lead with understanding instead of assumption.

Eric and Dawn leave you with this charge:

 

“You can’t fix what you won’t face. And you can’t lead what you won’t name.”

So let’s start naming it.

 

🎧 Tune in now to MPWR Podcast on your favorite platform

Break the silence. Speak the agreement. Lead with clarity.

 

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Eric has released a new book that takes this conversation even further:

👉 Upgrade Your Leadership: 8 Foundational Tools to Overcome Drama, Build Trust, and Thrive Under Pressure

 

This book is more than a leadership manual; it’s a blueprint for transformation. Eric shows how to:

• Identify the drama cycles that drain energy and derail teams.

• Build trust intentionally rather than assuming it will emerge on its own.

• Thrive under pressure by upgrading the internal system that drives every leadership decision.

• And yes—set boundaries that strengthen leadership rather than weaken it.

 

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Are you ready to unlock your full potential and lead with purpose, clarity, and conviction?

The MPWR Podcast, hosted by Eric Pfeiffer, CEO of MPWR Coaching, is your go-to space for transformational conversations, powerful insights, and practical strategies to help you step into the next level of your leadership journey. Whether you're scaling your business, seeking greater alignment in life, or stepping into your calling—this podcast will challenge, inspire, and empower you.

Want more tools to accelerate your growth? Head over to mpwrcoaching.com where you'll find free resources, game-changing books, and programs designed to elevate your mindset, build resilience, and transform the way you lead—from the inside out.

🔥 Subscribe to the MPWR Podcast on your favorite platform.
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