EP35: Samuel Interviews Johnathan Who Shares His Journey of Healing From Cancer & His Wife's Affair

Today you'll meet Jonathan, a friend of mine and survivor of both infidelity and stage four cancer. Yes, he's a victim of infidelity as a betrayed male, but he's also a warrior which is what any betrayed partner is who decides to keep on living after such devastating pain.

Betrayal can hit particularly hard for men due to several deep-rooted psychological, cultural, and emotional factors. Betrayal for anyone can be devastating but there are a few key points for betrayed men that are worth considering:

1. Trust and Vulnerability. At the core of betrayal is trust. Men, like anyone, invest emotionally when they trust someone, whether it's a partner, friend, or even a family member. Betrayal breaks that trust, and with it, the sense of security that person had built. The pain comes from the feeling of having been vulnerable and then being taken advantage of or deceived. Men might internalize this as a failure to read the situation or themselves being "weak" for trusting in the first place.
2. Cultural Expectations of Strength. Society often expects men to be strong, stoic, and in control of their emotions. Betrayal challenges this expectation, as it can be incredibly painful and leave men feeling exposed, emotional, or even powerless. This is in direct conflict with the cultural ideal that men should be impervious to emotional pain or setbacks.
3. Loss of Identity. Especially in close relationships, a betrayal can feel like an attack on a man's (and woman's) sense of self. This is amplified when it involves a partner or someone they deeply care about. When someone breaks the trust, it can leave the individual questioning their own judgment, self-worth, and even their ability to trust others in the future. This can erode a sense of identity, making betrayal feel like a personal failure or a loss.
4. Fear of Rejection and Loneliness. Men, like women, fear rejection, and betrayal often taps into this fear. For example, if a partner betrays them, it may feel like a rejection of who they are, and that rejection can hurt at a level of unthinkable hurt. This fear of being left alone or unworthy is often heightened in a relationship where emotional intimacy and dependence are involved.
5. Loss of Control. Betrayal can be a major shock to the system, particularly when it’s unexpected. Men who pride themselves on being able to control their surroundings and relationships might find it especially difficult to accept when something like betrayal is completely out of their control. The feeling of helplessness can magnify the emotional toll.
6. Rationalizing Emotional Pain. Sometimes, men are socialized to suppress their emotions or "deal with it" without expressing vulnerability. As a result, the hurt from betrayal can fester under the surface, and while they might logically understand the betrayal, the emotional impact can go unaddressed, making it harder to heal from the wound.
7. The Impact on Masculinity. Some men might view betrayal through the lens of masculinity. In certain contexts, being betrayed—whether in business, friendship, or love—can feel like an affront to their own masculinity, as it may be perceived as a failure to "protect" themselves or others. This could add to feelings of shame, confusion, or anger.

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at [email protected].