How to Fix Relationship Problems: Foundation First Approach Ep. 133
Release Date: 08/04/2025
No Contact Challenge Day 2: Reality vs. Fantasy & Why Grief Isn't Linear
Breakup to Blessing
Are you missing who they actually were, or who you hoped they would become? This is the question that changes everything. In Episode 2 of the 28-Day No Contact Challenge, we get real about the difference between facts and the stories you're telling yourself. We'll explore why some days feel impossibly hard even when you thought you were making progress, and why grief doesn't follow a straight path to healing. What You'll Learn: The difference between missing the person and missing the potential How to separate facts from the story you're hoping is true Why living in delusion keeps you...
info_outline
No Contact Challenge Day 1: Why No Contact Works & What Your Brain Is Doing Right Now Ep. 149
Breakup to Blessing
Going through a breakup and can't stop thinking about your ex? Your brain is literally in withdrawal - and understanding why changes everything. In this first episode of the 28-Day No Contact Challenge, I break down the neuroscience behind why breakups feel like physical pain, what's happening in your brain when you can't stop checking their Instagram, and why no contact is the most powerful tool you have for healing. What You'll Learn: The science behind breakup pain (and why you're not weak for struggling) What dopamine withdrawal actually means and how it affects your healing Why any...
info_outline
The 28 Day No-Contact Challenge Ep. 148
Breakup to Blessing
I'm so excited to announce something I've been wanting to do for you all—a 28-Day No Contact Challenge starting next Monday. If you've been struggling to maintain no contact on your own, if your resolve keeps wavering, or if you just need support to keep going, this is for you. Over the next 4 weeks, I'm releasing 2 episodes per week to walk you through this journey together. This isn't just about not texting your ex—it's about rediscovering who you are, understanding your patterns, and using this experience as a catalyst for genuine transformation. With the end of the year approaching,...
info_outline
Letting Go of Control: How to Stop Forcing Love and Start Trusting Ep. 147
Breakup to Blessing
In this episode, Sylvia explores how our need for control and rigid life plans often block the very love, joy, and opportunities we’re hoping to find. From relationship timelines and dating expectations to the stories we tell ourselves about how things “should” unfold, Sylvia unpacks why flexibility and openness are key to true connection and happiness. Through real-life examples and client stories, she reveals how letting go of rigid beliefs allows life to surprise us in the best possible ways. You’ll learn how to recognize where control is holding you back, how to question the...
info_outline
How to be Yourself and Still Be Loved Ep. 146
Breakup to Blessing
In this episode of Breakup to Blessing, we’re diving into one of the most powerful shifts you can make in your relationships — learning the difference between speaking from fear and speaking from true vulnerability. So often, when we feel hurt, rejected, or misunderstood, our words come out as accusations, defenses, or silence. We push the people we love away while desperately wanting them to come closer. But what if there’s another way — one that actually builds trust, intimacy, and safety instead of conflict? In this conversation, I unpack: ✨ The three ways fear-based communication...
info_outline
How to Stop Feeling Anxious and Overthinking in Dating and Relationships Ep. 145
Breakup to Blessing
If you’ve ever found yourself lying awake replaying conversations, analysing every text message, or feeling an overwhelming wave of panic that makes you want to pull away from someone you care about — this episode is for you. In today’s episode, we’re diving deep into anxiety in dating and relationships — what it looks like, why it happens, and how to begin healing it. You’ll learn: The hidden ways anxiety shows up in your dating life Why your nervous system reacts as if emotional vulnerability is a threat How to tell the difference between intuition and anxious overthinking ...
info_outline
The Five Buckets of Love: Building the Foundation for a Healthy Relationship Ep. 144
Breakup to Blessing
In today’s episode, I’m exploring a concept inspired by Steven Bartlett’s book The Diary of a CEO: 33 Laws of Business and Life — specifically his idea of “The Five Buckets.” When I read this, it instantly clicked for me how perfectly it applies to dating and relationships. Steven’s framework explains how success is built — starting with knowledge and skills, which then create your network, resources, and ultimately your reputation. But what happens when we skip the foundation? When we try to jump to the outcome — the successful career, the perfect relationship — without...
info_outline
Breakup Healing Mistakes: Why Gym, Journaling, and Retreats Aren’t Enough Ep. 143
Breakup to Blessing
Are you months or years post-breakup and still feeling worse than the day it happened? You’re not alone. So many people tell me they’re doing all the right things—going to the gym, journaling, talking to friends, maybe even booking a retreat—yet they still feel stuck in pain. In today’s episode of Breakup to Blessing, I’m diving into why actions alone aren’t enough to heal, and what’s really missing when you feel like you’re “ticking all the boxes” but not moving forward. We’ll explore: Why support from friends can sometimes keep you stuck instead of helping you heal....
info_outline
Why We Choose Emotionally Unavailable Partners Ep. 142
Breakup to Blessing
Why do we keep getting drawn to partners who can’t give us what we need? In this episode, I explore the fascinating neurological and emotional reasons behind our attraction to emotionally unavailable people. You’ll learn how the same attachment systems that formed in childhood with your caregivers continue to shape your adult romantic relationships—and why rejection or abandonment can feel so overwhelming. I also break down the role of bonding hormones like oxytocin, dopamine-driven reward circuits, and stress regulation systems in how we connect with others. We’ll look at: How your...
info_outline
Why You Can't Get Over Your Ex: The Delusion Keeping You Stuck After a Breakup Ep. 140
Breakup to Blessing
When a relationship ends, it’s easy to get stuck in denial—replaying “what ifs,” clinging to hope that your ex will come back, or creating a fantasy that things weren’t as bad as they really were. But staying in this space only delays your healing. In this episode of Breakup to Blessing, I talk about the difference between denial and reality after a breakup, why false hope keeps you stuck, and how facing the truth (even when it hurts) sets you free. You’ll learn: The common signs you’re living in denial after a breakup How denial protects you emotionally—but also keeps you...
info_outlineIn this episode, we explore a game-changing framework for understanding relationship issues: the hierarchy of relationship problems. Just like Maslow's hierarchy of needs, relationships have different levels of problems that must be addressed in the right order to create lasting, healthy partnerships.
The Relationship Hierarchy (Bottom to Top)
Foundation Level: Basic Relationship Needs
- Respect
- Trust
- Safety (emotional, physical, psychological)
- These are non-negotiable - your relationship equivalent of food, water, and shelter
Middle Tier: Communication and Connection
- Effective communication about difficult topics
- Emotional intimacy and connection
- Shared values and alignment
- Healthy conflict navigation skills
Top Tier: Passion and Fun
- Romance and passion
- Adventure and excitement
- Fun activities and shared experiences
- The "magical" aspects of relationships
Why We Get the Hierarchy Wrong
- Top-tier focus is more appealing - Romance and passion are exciting to think about
- Foundation work isn't "sexy" - Boundary conversations and trust-building feel less romantic
- We try to fix symptoms, not root causes - Like putting a bandage on a broken leg
- Pattern repetition - Without addressing foundational issues, we recreate the same problems with new partners
The Foundation Checklist
Ask yourself these critical questions:
Safety: Do you feel completely safe being yourself with your partner? Can you share your real thoughts, fears, and dreams without judgment?
Trust: Do you trust them completely? Not just fidelity, but follow-through, honesty, and having your best interests at heart?
Respect: Do you feel genuinely respected? Are your input, time, feelings, and perspectives treated as valuable?
If any answer is "no," that's where your work begins.
Common Mistakes
- Planning romantic dates when you can't have conversations without arguments
- Trying to improve physical intimacy when emotional safety is missing
- Focusing on shared activities when basic respect is absent
- Sweeping foundational issues under the rug hoping they'll resolve themselves
The Exercise That Changes Everything
- Identify the foundational cracks - What basic issues in your current/past relationship weren't addressed?
- Examine why they weren't addressed - Lack of skills? Fear of conflict? Believing you didn't deserve better?
- Recognize the pattern - Are you trying to solve the wrong problem at the wrong level?
How to Use This Hierarchy
Step 1: Get crystal clear on your foundation-level non-negotiables
- Define what safety, trust, and respect look like for you
- Don't compromise on these basics
Step 2: Develop middle-tier skills
- Learn effective communication techniques
- Practice building emotional intimacy
- Develop healthy conflict resolution skills
Step 3: Enjoy the top-tier benefits
- Plan romantic experiences
- Explore passion and adventure
- Create magical moments together
Key Takeaways
- Most relationship problems are hierarchy problems - People try to solve issues at the wrong level
- You can't build a healthy relationship on an unhealthy foundation - Surface fixes won't address deeper structural problems
- Foundation work comes first - Safety, trust, and respect must be established before focusing on passion and fun
- These are learnable skills - Communication and intimacy skills can be developed with practice
The Bottom Line
Stop trying to create passion when you need to create safety. Stop planning romantic gestures when you need to establish basic respect. Build from the ground up, address problems at the right level, and create relationships that are not just exciting—but sustainable, secure, and lasting.
Questions for Reflection
- What foundational issues have you been avoiding in your relationships?
- Are you trying to solve surface problems while ignoring deeper structural issues?
- What does safety, trust, and respect specifically look like for you?
- What skills do you need to develop at each level of the hierarchy?
Work with Sylvia - Book a free consultation https://sylviasuwan.com/consultation