What I Wish I Knew About Relationships In the Past–And What I’m Working on Now
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Release Date: 01/13/2026
Navigating the Shame of Self-Abandonment
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
In this episode of Becoming Relational, we explore shame, self abandonment, and how breaking people-pleasing patterns can transform your relationships. I'm sharing honestly about something that took me years to understand: how shame and self abandonment are deeply connected. I explore my own experience of hitting rock bottom and the slow, sometimes painful journey of finding my way back to myself. We talk about how so many of us have been socialized to put everyone else first, why the word "selfish" can feel the worst thing you could be called, and what it actually takes to stop abandoning...
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Self-Abandonment in Relationships: Understanding Attachment Styles, Setting Boundaries, and Prioritizing Your Needs
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Self-abandonment, people-pleasing, insecure attachment—in this episode, I'm exploring a pattern I see every single day in my therapy and coaching practice, and one I've struggled with myself. I'm talking about the painful cycle of choosing someone else's comfort over your own, repeatedly pushing down your desires to keep the peace, and staying in relationships that don't work for you because self-betrayal feels easier than speaking your truth. For years, I abandoned myself without even realizing it. I worked hard to please others because I believed if they were okay, I would be okay too. But...
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How to Feel Worthy When You're Insecure
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Today, I’m sharing about my personal journey with self-worth and confidence, and how attachment theory has supported me in navigating unworthiness and insecurity. I’ve been wrestling with feelings of unworthiness lately, a familiar struggle with believing that I belong and that what I offer truly matters. If you've ever felt like you're not enough or wondered how to show up authentically when self-doubt takes hold, I hope this episode supports you. I explore the transformative question that changed everything, shared with me by a former therapist. I also offer practical strategies for...
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Why You Should Invest in the Relationships You Have
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Today I’m exploring relationship repair, secure attachment, and relationship disconnection—and why investing in the relationships you already have, rather than constantly searching for something new, might be the most revolutionary choice you can make. Let’s discuss how to navigate relationship disconnection, practice intentional repair, and build resilient, secure relationships through accountability and compassion. I share why I believe that in our culture of fast fashion and dating apps, choosing to mend our relationships—rather than discard them—is a powerful counter-cultural...
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What Your Nervous System Wants
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Let’s explore nervous system regulation and how understanding your unique nervous system can transform your relationships and daily life. I discuss attachment styles, nervous system health, and practical tools for emotional regulation that you can use right away. I share how your attachment adaptation—whether anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or secure—shapes the way your nervous system responds to stress, and why what feels safe for you might look completely different than what feels safe for someone else. We talk about internal resourcing practices, the importance of...
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Make Your Community Your Valentine This Year
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Becoming better at relationships isn't just about intimate partnerships—it's about how you show up for your community and support your neighbors. In this brief episode, I'm sharing a meaningful tradition my family started a few years ago that transforms Valentine's Day into something for meaningful to us than flowers and chocolates. For my family (and a handful of dear friends!), February 14th has become an invitation to practice loving on our neighbors and people we don't know. Because becoming relational also means becoming community-oriented. It's about extending care beyond our front...
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How to Build Emotional Capacity (and Why It Matters, Especially Now)
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Building capacity for stress is a skill that supports all of our relationships—and helps us cope more effectively with our daily challenges and our greater emotional landscape. In this episode, I'm sharing practical tools for building capacity in our nervous systems so we can show up more fully in our relationships and communities, especially during challenging times that require us to be active, engaged, and aware. We explore how to recognize when our nervous systems are overwhelmed and develop somatic practices, breathing techniques, and connection strategies that help us stay...
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3 Skills to Cultivate for Healthier Relationships This Year
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Let’s talk about concrete, practical skills that can support you in having healthier, more fulfilling, and reciprocal relationships this year. In a world that seems to be consistently generating new injustices, fears, and concerns about the safety of people we love, I want us to feel a sense of agency in how we show up in our relationships. My hope for this episode is that you will take the time to reflect on how you are navigating your relationships and explore ways in which you can become more connected to yourself, your family, and your community. Through real-life examples...
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What I Wish I Knew About Relationships In the Past–And What I’m Working on Now
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Relationships, attachment styles, boundaries, and the hard-won lessons I've learned over the course of my relational life--that's what we're chatting about in Episode 2! I recently turned 40, and I've been reflecting deeply on how my relationships have shaped who I am. In this episode, I'm sharing the most important lessons I've learned about relationships throughout my twenties and thirties using an attachment theory framework. I talk about trying to be what others wanted me to be, learning to recognize my patterns, how becoming a parent brought up all my attachment work in new ways, and...
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Why I'm Devoted to Becoming Relational and You Should Be Too
Becoming Relational with Elizabeth Gillette
Welcome to the very first episode of Becoming Relational! I’m Elizabeth Gillette, LCSW and I’m so grateful you’re here with me. In this episode, I discuss my passion for relationships, my own path to becoming an attachment specialist, and why I believe compassionate, nuanced connection is so vital in our world today. You’ll hear a bit about my story, my work, and my hopes for this podcast as a space where we can explore the beauty and complexity of relationships with skill, care, reverence, and a sense of curiosity. Whether you’re new to attachment theory or familiar with...
info_outlineRelationships, attachment styles, boundaries, and the hard-won lessons I've learned over the course of my relational life--that's what we're chatting about in Episode 2!
I recently turned 40, and I've been reflecting deeply on how my relationships have shaped who I am. In this episode, I'm sharing the most important lessons I've learned about relationships throughout my twenties and thirties using an attachment theory framework. I talk about trying to be what others wanted me to be, learning to recognize my patterns, how becoming a parent brought up all my attachment work in new ways, and how some friendships aren't meant to be carried forward.
I'm also honest about what I'm still learning, because we are ALL still learning. I hope you find this episode supportive, and I'm looking forward to hearing your questions! Please reach out to me to let me know what you'd like to hear on the show.
Thank you for being here with me!
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